Apotheosis I | By : OneMoreAltmer Category: +A through F > Elder Scrolls - Oblivion Views: 2266 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I didn't create and do not own Elder Scrolls: Oblivion or its characters (except for Tavi, within game format). I make no moneys. |
Three – Lonely in Your
Nightmare
They were sorry to see him go, and not just because he was a
priest in a city left ravaged by demons.
They loved him. Who wouldn’t
have? Anyone would have told you, without
knowing the whole truth of it, that he was divine.
I led him back up through the wilderness, avoiding the roads
now out of fear for his safety more than mine.
I couldn’t imagine that anyone had ever seen him and not realized he must be related to the Emperor. I suppose I should have considered how few
people, other than Council members, Blades, and myself, had really seen and
spoken to the Emperor up close. Still,
someone had managed to figure it out, because there was no other reason to
attack Kvatch. And I had no idea who
that person or persons might be, or where they were now. Better to be cautious.
We rode quietly through the day. When night fell, I realized that I couldn’t
just force him to ride nonstop all the way back to the Priory, as my paranoia
might have demanded for just myself.
Reluctantly, I found us a campsite.
“There’s only one tent,” he pointed out, helpfully declaring
the obvious.
“I’ll sleep outside,” I told him.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes!” I snapped, and then, feeling wicked for it, I added,
“Wait here, and I will get us some kindling for a
fire.”
I tortured myself a bit while I busied myself with my
errand. It wasn’t his fault I found him
attractive. It wasn’t his fault I had
stopped trusting men I found attractive, or that I was jumping at shadows for
fear they were assassins. There was no
reason to be rude.
When I came back, he had taken off his sword and sat down on
one of the weathered little benches surrounding the fire pit. That he owned a sword had surprised me, but it
seemed prudent enough to carry something for self-defense, out in the world.
I lit the fire while he brought out the water skins and the meager
rations he had allowed us to take – not too much, not when Kvatch was already
left with so little. We were quiet again
for a while, which felt awkward since the last words between us had been my fit
of temper. The sky darkened, and the
fire beneath it was lovely.
“Tavi?” he said, and like a fool I looked at the fire
dancing in his eyes.
“Yes?”
His face was warmer than it had been in Kvatch, relaxing a
bit at this distance from the tragedy. “In
the seminary…they did discourage us from attacking women while they sleep. It is frowned upon in the priesthood.”
I laughed. “Of course
it is. I’m sorry I was short with
you. Personal
baggage.”
“But you’re going to insist on sleeping outside.”
“…Yes. I am.”
His face was full of quiet concern. “Do you not feel safe with me?”
I didn’t want to have this conversation. “It has nothing to do with you. It has to do with – with a time when I was
stupid. Have you ever done something
that was really stupid?”
The faint ghost of a smile, bewitching. “Yes, actually. Any number of things.”
Ah, good. He was
beautiful, he was royal, he was holy, and now he was interesting. “Really! Perhaps if you told me one of yours, I’d tell
you mine.”
A cloud passed over his face, and he looked back into the
fire. “Perhaps another
time. I will not press you. But you may have the tent yourself.”
I responded too quickly.
“No. I’d be trapped.” Then I caught myself. “Oh.
That’s not quite what….”
He looked at me too softly to bear. “Something that hurtful. I’m sorry.”
“No,” I said, waving my arms around, “no, no, no. I’m sure I’ve given you the wrong idea. Look, I spend a lot of time out exploring
ruins, and it’s dangerous, and I’m a bit overcautious. All right?”
“All right.”
“All right.” But it was hard to close myself off to him
that far, and against my better judgment I added, “…and, well, men don’t make
much sense to me. I’m better at wolves
and goblins.”
“I see.” He
laughed. “If it will please you, I will
sleep alone in the tent and behave myself.
I don’t want to be compared unfavorably to a goblin.”
“Thank you.” I took a
drink from my water skin so he wouldn’t see me smile. “I know it must seem excessive. Priests of Akatosh are celibate, aren’t
they?”
“No,” he admitted. “Chaste to marriage, but not celibate.”
Oh dear. I’d only
brought it up assuming they were
celibate, to get him to say it out loud, to remove him from my head as a
potential object of desire. “Chaste”
wasn’t quite up to the job. Now we really couldn’t share the tent.
Although.
Although I was really no safer from
Lucien, or from any other real or imagined danger, outside the tent than
inside. And inside would be safer
from some kinds of things, not to mention warmer. And his aura absolutely hummed with power,
which I attributed to the blessings of his god, his vocation as a priest. And he had
been awfully lucky in Kvatch, emerging unharmed from the catastrophe that had
laid waste to a city just to reach him.
Maybe Auri-El would be watching over that tent, and it would be
impervious to the Dark Brotherhood, daedra, and all comers.
And he couldn’t betray me if all we did was sleep. And I didn’t have anything I thought he
wanted enough to kill me for.
Such a short history to have built up this
much complication in my psyche.
“Very well.”
He cocked his head, confused. “Very well?”
I was rounding the corner from idiotic to insane. He was going to think I belonged to
Sheogorath. “Very well, I will share the
tent.”
He grinned, and it was as if his eyes filled with their own
azure light. Damn. “I’ve convinced you that I’m harmless?” And I imagined that there was something flirtatious,
something not at all priestlike, in the tone of the question.
“You are not within a mile of harmless,” I muttered, and
then fought back the urge to bite off my own tongue. “But it’s getting cold, and I can’t take you
to Jauffre if I freeze to death.”
Sometimes men make the assumption that all elves are
naturally at home out in the wild: put
us at a campsite or in the woods and somehow a Bosmer appears, no matter what
we are in the city. But Martin said
nothing about my inability to sleep comfortably outdoors on an autumn
night. He only said, “No, you can’t,”
and offered me a strip of dried meat.
Campsite tents are small, and it was close quarters for
two. I spread our blankets. “Back to back,” I announced. He stretched out with his back turned to me,
obliging, and I curled up as tight as I could at the other side of the tent,
which is to say that I managed to bend my arms and legs just a bit before I
either had to put my feet outside or let my shoulder blades come into contact
with his. Grudgingly I chose the
latter. He sighed.
I lay there for ages, not sleeping. I listened to every cracking branch wondering
what it was; I felt the pressure of his back against mine; I contemplated what
a wreck I was and how I’d ever managed to make my living exploring dangerous
ruins with this temperament.
He stirred, carefully shifted onto his back. “You’re not asleep,” he whispered.
“Neither are you.”
“Sometimes I don’t sleep.
And tonight I have a lot to think about.”
“What are you thinking about?”
He didn’t respond right away. “Jauffre,” he said at last. “Kvatch.”
Perfectly reasonable answers. They shouldn’t have disappointed me. “Of course. I know it’s a lot to absorb, but Jauffre will
know what to do next.”
“I hope so.” Another pause. “And
why are you still awake, Tavi?”
“I thought we’d agreed that this wasn’t the night we were
going to trade our secrets.”
“Fair enough.” I felt the back of a hand brush against my shoulder. “You’re cold.
I…you will be warmer if I turn to face you. If you will allow it.”
I was cold, true enough.
Cold, and embarrassingly afraid of having a man this
close to me after Claude and Lucien.
As usual, it made me unfairly hostile.
“A service commonly provided by the priesthood?” I hissed.
“No. But you’d said
you didn’t want to freeze to death. I
know you don’t want me to ask what has you so frightened – ”
I wanted to bark back at him that I wasn’t frightened at
all, but even I knew what an obvious lie that would be. So I breathed deep. “I’ve made mistakes, Martin. I’ve made enemies. It’s not that I don’t feel safe with you.
I just don’t feel safe.”
“I understand.” Two
words, but they were words with weight the way he said them – as if he
understood not only in a theoretical sense but because he was thinking of
mistakes and enemies that would make me shudder.
Well, and by the Nine, Tavi, why shouldn’t he understand not
feeling safe? Demons had just torn his city apart, looking for him. He…he might need the comfort himself, and not
be able to ask for it. That was probably
wishful thinking, but it was a pleasant wish, and it made enough sense to me to
break through my false belligerence.
“I’m sorry, Martin. I
don’t mean to be so distrustful. Turn
whichever way you will.” I gulped. “I would like to be warmer.”
He adjusted carefully again, not intruding more on my side
of the tent than was necessary. The
point of contact was now the entire back side of my body, as he curled in to
meet me from head to feet. After a
moment, he draped his arm over my waist – gingerly at first, but when I did not
protest, it settled, weighed comfortably down on me, demanding nothing
else. I could feel his breath on the
back of my neck, and perversely, that woke up every other nerve in my
body. I wanted more.
I did not want to want more.
On the other hand, the warmth that radiated from his body to
mine was soothing, and eventually that lulled me into something approximating
sleep.
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