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This Doesn't Mean I Love You	By : LostfallenAngel Category: +G through L > Gears of War Views: 4551 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gears of War or any of it's characters, and am in no way profiting from this work. All credit to Epic Games for the fantastic setting and characters.

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Author's Note: This is the sexy-time-free chapter! Sorry, if you're reading this just for the sexy bits! Also, after this there's only one chapter left!
The last day had been a serious blur, and Sam sat apart from the rest of her squad members, on the back of a Packhorse, trying to get her thoughts in order. Dom was gone. He’d sacrificed himself so that everyone else could survive. She felt pain at his passing, but not nearly as much as she expected herself to. Dom was a friend and someone she could confide in, but never more than that. He never wanted to be more than that, no matter how much she did.
What Sam found herself having the most difficult time with was the fact that Dom’s death was causing her to worry about Baird. She didn’t know where he was, what he was doing or if he was alright. He and Cole had dropped out of radio contact early that afternoon. But if Dom could die, then they weren’t all invincible anymore.
Sam’s attention was broken when Anya stepped into her field of vision. It took a moment, but Sam looked up at her. “Shouldn’t you be with Marcus?” she finally asked.
Anya glanced over her shoulder, in Marcus’s direction, “He asked for some time alone, and besides, you look like you have a lot on your mind. I thought you may feel better talking about it.”
Sam looked up at her, smiling just a little bit. She was pleased that they had become friends. There were some things that only another woman could ever hope to understand. “I suppose company would be nice, right now.”
Anya sat next to Sam on the tailgate of the packhorse. After a few minutes of silence, Anya finally spoke up, “Are you alright?”
Sam shook her head, not looking up at Anya, “I don’t know yet.”
“I know that you had feelings for him,” Anya started, “and I know this can’t be easy for you.”
“Truthfully,” Sam looked up at Anya, “it feels weird, and not in the way I expected it to.”
“Oh?”
“I feel like I should be more upset. I feel like I should be crying my eyes out and unable to continue on with what I need to be doing,” Sam replied. “Isn’t that how it always used to go in the movies?”
“Is that all?”
“It’s not that I won’t miss him, and that I’m not mourning this happening it’s just…” Sam stopped, she couldn’t say it. If she said it out loud, that would make it real.
“We all need to grieve as we see fitting,” Anya replied, and let the two of them settle back into silence.
The minutes ticked away as the two of them sat on the tailgate, watching the sun setting on the horizon.
Finally, Anya broke the silence, “Sam, I know.”
Sam looked up at her, a little confused, “What do you mean?”
Anya got a slightly pained look on her face, “I know why you’re not as upset about Dom as you thought you’d be, and I figure it has to do with you being more worried about someone else.”
Sam looked at Anya, and her face went blank as a million emotions swam through her head. “Anya, how…?” tears started to well in her eyes.
Anya draped an arm around her friend’s shoulder. “I’ve always been observing people. You and Baird are kind of obvious, to anyone that’s actually paying attention.”
Sam wiped her eyes, “Have you told anyone?”
Anya laughed a little, “Who would I tell?”
“But it’s not like that,” Sam replied. “He doesn’t love me, and there are no emotions involved. It’s just a physical release for the two of us.”
“But here you are, secluding yourself from everyone because you’re so worried about him that you don’t know how to handle yourself.”
Sam paused for a moment, giving herself a chance to think Anya’s words over.
“I know that you’re right, but I never wanted these feelings in the first place! Well, I did, but not about Baird,” to punctuate her thought, she let her head fall forward into her hands.
“In my experience, it’s pretty easy to pretend that there’s nothing between yourself and someone who’s caught your interest,” Anya began. “But the fact of the matter is that once you let yourself admit the way things are, that turns out to be a lot easier, and a lot more simple.”
“But you’re not interested in Baird,” Sam said with a slight laugh.
“No, I can’t say I am.” Anya started to laugh, “He’s much too pretty for my taste.”
Sam laughed a little, with her, and then allowed the two to fall back into silence.
After a moment, Sam finally spoke, “Isn’t it odd, though? It’s the end of the world and I feel like I’m just concerned with who’s ‘dating’ who.”
“I don’t think so,” Anya replied. “It’s normal, and sometimes a little bit of normal goes a long way.”
Sam sighed in response.
“Did you at least get the chance to say goodbye to each other? I almost feel ashamed that I’m sitting here with you talking about this and Marcus is just feet away from me right now.”
Sam opened and then closed her mouth, before actually starting to speak, “Sort of.”
Anya gave her a confused look, “How do you ‘sort of’ say goodbye?”
“We had an argument,” Sam replied.
“About?”
Sam sighed heavily, “I went to see him, to tell him to stay safe and that I’d be waiting to hear that he was alright, and he just started in on me.”
Anya had to stifle a laugh, “Sounds like Baird. Any particular reason?”
“He was pissed off that I was going off, sort of, teamed-up with Dom. Then, not wanting to be outdone I suppose, I started in on him about splitting off from the rest of Delta in the first place. Kind of hard to tell someone you’ll miss them when you’re busy fighting about trivial shit.”
“So that was it?” Anya asked.
A light blush crept onto Sam’s face, “Not exactly…”
Anya couldn’t help but laugh, now, “What did you two do?”
Sam brought her hands up to her face, “It was more what he did, I suppose. Mid-argument he just grabbed me,” she held out one of her arms showing off a bruise, “in a manner that was less than comfortable and then he kissed me. But that’s not really the right way to describe it. It was angry and mean, but it was one hell of a kiss.”
“I figured the two of you would be something else,” Anya replied.
“But then after that, he just walked away and yelled over his shoulder at me that I’d better remember that. I couldn’t collect my thoughts enough to reply.”
“Can you promise me something, Sam?” Anya asked.
“Depends on what it is, but you seem pretty reasonable,” Sam replied quietly.
Anya smiled as she spoke, “When we’re back together, as long as we all survive, please promise me that you’ll tell Baird how you feel.”
“Anya... He’s a guy, and what’s worse, it’s Baird. He’s only concerned with the physical aspect of whatever ‘us’ is,” Sam replied.
“Please, for your own sake?” Anya added.
Sam looked up at Anya for a moment, unable to find any words.
Anya touched Sam’s shoulder and continued, “Think what not telling him is doing to you. I’ve been there, admitting how you feel to yourself is the hard part, and you’ve already done that.”

“But what about Dom? Baird knows how I thought I felt about him, I mean it was pretty obvious,” Sam replied.

“Sometimes, it takes the death of someone we love to help put in perspective how we feel about those right in front of us.”

Sam looked at Anya’s face and understood she spoke these words from experience. “If we all survive I’ll, at least, try to tell him.”

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Meanwhile, miles away at a Gorasni camp, Corporal Damon Baird sat alone, his thoughts on one person.

Author's Note: This is the sexy-time-free chapter, so, sorry if you were only reading this for the sexy bits. After this there's only one chapter left. Also, I haven't begged before, but if you're enjoying this please, PLEASE rate and review!
Thank you so much for reading!
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