Adult-FanFiction.org : Games

Love:: Misunderstanding
By : hachi-miitsu
Category: Kingdom Hearts > AU - Alternate Universe
Views: 1821 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: SEE FULL DISCLAIMER PLEASE
Chapter List
- 2
- 3
- 4
Still don't own Kingdom Hearts. Had a dream I did, but then Square Enix called me fat and said I looked terrible in my pencil skirt when I took them to court...it was a nightmare I tell you. They stole all my munny. And when I woke up, I was just as broke. Pshaw~ Anyways, song credits at the end per usual, and...er...that it?
Chapter Two: Behind the Jester's Mask
Some were swinging chains, others hefted metal bars. More still were so muscle bound that they didn't need to carry anything to look threatening. The sky rumbled ominously as the boys stalked forward like a ravenous pack of hyenas.
Roxas gulped, eyes flitting around in a quick headcount. His stomach sank as he ticked off each figure in his head. Thirteen. Thirteen that advanced on them, blood in their hearts.
This couldn't be happening.
Roxas was a pretty boy. Androgynous. As such, he was always a target whether he wanted the attention or not. How many scuffles had he been subjected to? Why couldn't people leave him alone? He just wanted…
Roxas choked, fighting down sickness that seized him in its violent, shuddering clutches as he backed into the wall Axel was pressing him against. The redhead's mind raced into overdrive, aching for the impending battle. But he wasn't alone this time. Roxas stiffened behind him as Axel turned to grace the shorter boy with a smile. It escalated into a chuckle when Roxas's lip trembled.
"This isn't funny!"
"No, it's actually very serious."
"Then why are you laughing?!"
"Because you look worried."
"Worried? Worried? I'm not worried. Do I look worried to you?" With every word Roxas's voice became shriller, his throat stinging.
The gang laughed, stepping closer. Yeah. He was worried…a little. Some were whispering something. He didn't want to hear it. He was scared. So scared. His ears strained to hear the words anyway. As the boys closed in, the call became louder. Oh no.
No, no, no.
It's everywhere you look, over there to right here.
Not that again…
Under your dresser, right by your ear.
Roxas's shaking amplified and his face contorted as acid bubbled in his throat from his clenched stomach.
It's creeping in sweetly.
"Faggot, faggot. Run away."
The taunt was rhythmic and a few of the nastier looking boys licked their chops. Roxas clutched Axel's sleeve. The temperature around them dropped as if time itself wanted to preserve this moment.
It's definitely here.
Roxas's teeth chattered. Despite the sudden chill, the blonde felt himself break out in a full body sweat.
There's nothing more deadly than slow growing fear.
Hot, then cold. Wet, then dry. Roxas's chest was weightless now, tightening and swelling with dread. That wasn't good. When he felt light like this, his mind shut down. He wanted to stay here. His heart rammed against his ribcage, making his vision haze and quiver like a desperate knock on a tightly locked door.
Wake up. Wake up. Wake—
"Axel…" Roxas groaned, gnashing his bottom lip between his teeth.
The redhead placed a hand behind him and squeezed the shorter boy's arm. "I've got you. We made a promise remember?"
"Faggot, faggot. You're gonna die today."
Roxas's knees were jelly. He'd never considered himself an outright coward but when people picked fights with him before, they hadn't looked so…mean. And there were never this many—all at once, at least.
It was happening again.
The group was so close now he could see their bloodshot eyes, the cords in their muscles that strained for a good brawl.
The drizzle started up again and fell heavier than before.
Roxas's teeth kept chattering till his jaw ached as Axel spun around and pinned him against the rough brick. He swallowed a hiss of pain, mortar digging into his clenched knuckles. Red spikes whispered against his face again but this time Roxas didn't brush them away. His eyes widened, riveted to the sight beyond Axel's shoulder. The boys behind the redhead leered and feinted lunges at them like lions around a wounded animal.
Axel reached down and squeezed Roxas's wrist gently until he uncurled his fingers. Panicking, Roxas tried to pull away but the taller boy wouldn't let go. Axel pressed the iPod into the blonde's hand. Funny, Roxas had forgotten all about it. Axel closed his own fingers around it as he bent slightly to whisper in Roxas's ear.
"When I give you the signal I want you to run. Do you hear me?"
"Oi, Katoku", the leader sneered. "Who's your new friend? Don't be rude now. Introduce us." A sprinkle of chuckles rippled through the gathering. "Tell him we want to play too."
The blonde recoiled and clutched the music player to his chest, color draining from his face at an alarming rate. He bit harder on his lip until he could taste copper. Axel dug his fingers into Roxas's skin, raising goose bumps where he gripped.
"Hey", he snapped. Roxas flinched and glanced at him, the terror making his eyes snap an electric sapphire. Droplets of water glistened on his tanned skin and green eyes traced the path of some that had become too heavy as they slithered down the boy's cheeks.
Axel softened his voice, "You're safe with me, okay? Don't look at them. Don't worry about them. I won't let them touch you." Roxas shook his head as fear ate at him. Axel cupped the blonde's face between both of his large, pale hands and held him still.
"Roxas, listen. Close your eyes", Axel's voice was a hot rush as it misted against Roxas's ear. The smaller boy shivered but obeyed. He didn't want to lock down. He wanted to believe in this kid. He didn't know him. But he wanted to believe.
"Breathe in."
Roxas inhaled sharply.
"Can you hear me?"
Roxas nodded.
"Look at me."
Blue eyes snapped open and locked with green. "Look only at me. I will protect you." The blonde exhaled so fast it left him dizzy.
Before he realized what he was doing, Roxas buried his face in Axel's neck and pulled the taller boy closer. Axel squeezed his small arms in something reminiscent to a hug as he rubbed his cheek against the top of Roxas's waterlogged spikes, melting into the figure gripping him like a lifeline. When he pulled back blonde hair drooped on the shorter boy's head like pressed gold.
In any other situation, it would've been cute. As it was, well.
"Are you quite finished?"
Roxas flinched a little as Axel swiveled around again, looking far too nonchalant for the occasion. All his softness was gone.
"Xigbar, my man. Come back for another spanking?" His words were sharp, biting the ears of those that threatened him. The leader stiffened and leveled a glare with his one good eye—the other being covered with a large black patch. A jagged scar extended from his left cheek to just under his eye. He lifted a hand and grazed it over the raised flesh.
Roxas scowled. "Another…spanking?"
The redhead smirked as he shrugged. "Friendly enemies are what you could call us, I suppose."
Roxas mulled this over and fiddled with the damp sleeve between his fingers. Yeah. Okay, so this was an amicable scuffle between growing boys. Roxas could live with this.
Axel rummaged in his pocket, pulling out his lighter. He flicked his other wrist and a dagger glittered in his hand. Roxas gasped and jerked away from the redhead like touching him was suddenly the most disgusting thing in the world. So much for assuming.
The redhead paid no mind as he continued his loving ministrations to the knife in his hand. The blade whined as Axel struck the flint and glided the little flame over the hairline edge. The fire burned brighter, hissing and sputtering as if to spite the falling rain.
Fire would not bow to something as insignificant as a little water. It licked around the shining blade in a dance of rolling flame that made the steel harden and moan. Its master was crooning it awake. Fire was proud. Fire razed all that stood in its path to ashes; animal, stone…man.
It twinkled and jerked in Xigbar's one good eye.
"There now, I never got a chance to even you up last time. And you know me." The redhead shrugged again and fingered the tip gently, furrowing his brows in satisfaction as a bead of blood was drawn. "I always finish what I start."
Axel's expression was serious, if not bored. He was talking of mutilation in a tone an old crone might adopt for knitting patterns. The blonde was disturbed, disgusted. Xigbar clenched his jaw and made to take a step forward but Axel angled the dagger at its target.
Roxas peered from behind the taller boy and made the mistake of meeting the leader's glare. The golden eye glinted in molten fury as it sized him up. "When we get done with you Katoku, I'll make personally sure to sample your new bitch."
"Yeah, well. You keep saying that and yet here I am, still standing." He cut a droll glare at the leader and spread his arms out. The knife twinkled, the blade held loosely between his long, pale fingers. "Come the fuck on Xig."
Despite his bravado, Axel shielded Roxas a little more with his body. He turned his head to the side so he could still see the group as he regarded the blonde behind him.
"Get ready."
Roxas tensed.
Two were closing in discretely from either side. Axel twirled his dagger and bent into a crouch. Roxas felt his breath catch as he glanced around for the quickest escape route. The two were just a few feet away now.
Xigbar crossed his arms and spit on the ground. "Tear the flamer apart. Leave the blonde for me."
The din of the rain, everyone's harsh breathing; sound severed into crisp silence, the scene frozen in a taunting moment of peace. Then…
The maelstrom shattered, barrages of rain roaring in their ears like ammunition. The gathering exploded into a frenzy of motion as Axel threw his dagger at the closest boy then reached back to slam the other into the wall beside Roxas.
"Run", he hollered between punctuated smashes of the guy's head.
Roxas weaved through the fray, getting grabbed at a few times. Axel was always there to pull them off. Xigbar swiped at him, just missing as the blonde ducked. Roxas brained the hooligan with a well-placed palm-to-chin blow that made Alex raise an eyebrow. Roxas glared at him and shrugged. He'd had his fair share of scuffles too.
The blonde hunched his shoulders and tucked his arms against his body, making himself as small as possible while twisting and dodging around the clashing figures.
Once free, he sprinted down the street as fast as his legs would carry him, sick from the wet slap of skin on skin as blood painted the concrete and saturated the forming puddles of water.
"Don't let him get away!"
Xigbar's order was useless. They had enough to deal with considering the hell beast knocking them around.
The air burned as it froze Roxas's lungs. He cut down a side street and skidded to a halt before sliding down the wall. He could hear the grunts and cries of pain from the scuffle down the way. The blonde gulped. Just what the hell was that? Axel's transition from prankster to blood-letter made chills rise on Roxas's arms. How could he make Roxas feel so comfortable, and yet…
Roxas peered around the corner then gasped and snapped his head back out of sight. The chill moved from his arms to caress down his spine. The boy closed his eyes again and swallowed, smacking his head against the wall.
Why now? What had they done? What had he done?
Roxas edged to the corner one more time and peered out. What he saw made his blood halt in a slurry of ice.
The rain acted as an obscene sort of curtain—shielding the stage of their battle from probing eyes as the gloom pressed ever darker around them all. It was midday and yet the shadow of the storm draped over them—a suffocating, pseudo-blackout.
Axel flowed in and out the group of fighters that rushed him, a graceful torrent of fire as he landed solid punches and kicks everywhere. The entire assembly was struggling to get even one good blow on him. He retrieved his dagger and swiped playfully at the belt of one that charged him, slicing his pants right open. The attacker flailed his arms as the trousers fell to his knees and he bunny-hopped away, howling.
The blade sang, eager for battle as its master sliced it through rain, through cloth and flesh. Axel tossed it at another who shrieked and thrashed in agony as it embedded itself deep in his thigh.
Axel laughed as he caught another one in the solar plexus then slammed the guy's head onto his knee. Little puffs of steam hissed as the rain from above glanced off his blurry form. He swept another off his feet in a move right out of Hollywood and kicked his heel down on the guy's throat.
This wasn't a fight. This was a massacre. And Axel was enjoying every minute of it.
Dread sloshed in Roxas's stomach as he continued to gawk at the brawl. The blonde flinched as flashes of Axel's smile swam through his mind. A mischievous, arrogant, at times insufferable person…but not this monster. Not this beast who could smile while beating someone to a pulp.
As if to punctuate the sickening thought, Axel threw back his head and boomed out another thunderous laugh. "Is that all you g—"
In slow motion, one came at his blind spot and took a steel bar to the back of his head. The crack of metal on bone was startling, disgusting, and all together horrifying as it warped the air and danced with the rain. Roxas cried out as Axel's cocky smile was wiped from his face. The redhead lurched forward and groaned, crashed to his knees, then slumped to the ground. He lay there, still as death. The ground around him was so saturated with red that Roxas couldn't tell if he himself was bleeding. His spikes drooped as they soaked up the crimson puddles.
Roxas screamed again, forgetting his own danger.
Why wasn't he moving? He had to get up. He needed to move!
The outcry attracted the rest of those that weren't rendered unconscious by Axel's onslaught. When they swiveled as one synchronized force, bent on nothing but him, Roxas was wrenched back to the reality of his situation.
Xigbar wiped his mouth and curled his lip. "Go get him boys."
They ran at Roxas.
Cursing himself, the blonde launched his body into motion again and cut through more side streets to try and shake his pursuers. Flashes of buildings flew past the corners of his vision and the rain stung as it stabbed at his face and arms. The wet slap of feet faded as he rounded one last corner and tucked himself into a narrow alleyway, clapping a hand over his mouth to silence his breathing.
More shouts and Roxas squeezed his eyes shut as blurs of muted color rushed by his hiding place. He could barely tell the difference between their footsteps and the wild drum of his heart. Roxas shuddered and forced his breathing to slow until the pulse of his blood was once again silent in his ears.
When nothing but the dull roar of the storm could be heard Roxas chanced a glance down the road. He craned his neck from side to side and stepped out, looked behind him. Nothing. Breathing out a sigh in relief Roxas rubbed his chest, heart-sore from the rollercoaster he'd just survived. There wasn't time for celebration yet though. Roxas needed to get back to Axel before they…
T-they…
Don't think about it.
Axel was seriously hurt and here he was standing around like a...Roxas growled at himself, rounded the next corner and…
Ran headlong into Xigbar himself.
The taller boy was clutching at a wound in his side but the leer on his face overrode any countenance of pain. Roxas fell back on his butt and gaped up at the leader, not bothering to hide his horror. This couldn't be real.
"Well, lookie what we have here."
Like a bad movie Xigbar's remaining companions stepped out from the shadows of the buildings and alcoves, forming a tight circle around the two figures.
Roxas began to tremble again. The rain nipped at his eyes and pricked like cold needles on his fevered skin. He pulled himself into a ball, eyes snapping shut, making himself as small as possible. Above him, the gathered thugs chuckled and exchanged feral glances.
"This isn't my fight…this isn't my fight…this—"
Xigbar fisted the fabric at the front of Roxas's drenched shirt and hauled him to his feet. "What'd you say boy? Didn't quite catch that."
The laughter looped on and on like a sinister videotape.
"P-please let me go. This isn't my fight…I…I don't want any trouble. Just, p-please let me g—"
"Who said this wasn't your fight? You keep company with that fag so that makes this your fight."
Roxas swallowed a sob as Xigbar shook him. "None of that now, come on. You punks are all the same." He looked around at the others. "Why can't you ever take it like a man?" The last word dripped like tar from his lips . Xigbar leaned forward to lick Roxas's cheek as one of his scarred hands wandered between the shorter boy’s legs. The foreign pressure reignited the fight in him.
The blonde wrenched away from Xigbar, pushing as he desperately tried to put as much distance between their bodies as possible. Still that hand pressed and kneaded. "I-I'm not g-g-g—"
"G-g-g-f-f-faggot", Xibgar mocked, giving a harsh yank through Roxas's pants. He choked. "Say it. Say it clearly and I'll let you go." Xigbar's caress eased, coaxing a shiver out of the blonde that had nothing to do with the cold.
Roxas searched Xigbar's face for the lie as he bit his lip and tried not to bow into the touch that felt so good, even as it frightened him. The golden eye stared at him, waiting. Xigbar’s entourage surrounded them; faceless, merciless, with nothing but their leering mouths visible as they shifted from foot to foot. The blonde pressed his lips together and his face contorted with the effort it took not to weep as he felt himself harden against the pressure of his tormentor’s palm.
He gasped when Xigbar shook him again roughly enough to make his teeth clack. "Well? Say it. Don't you want me to release you?"
The double entendre was lost on Roxas as he drew in a shuddering breath to steady his nerves. He could channel this out. He could forget that touch. He could do this. "I'm not…gay."
Xigbar's smile morphed into something insidious. "There we go. He’s broken you in quite well hasn’t he?”
Roxas’s mouth worked soundlessly as he clutched Xigbar’s wrist that traveled further down to press through his pants where his entrance rested. “Did it feel good when he fucked your ass, hmm? Did you beg him for more of”, he twisted two pointed fingers upward,“this?”
The blonde sobbed through gritted teeth, hating the way his body was reacting and that Xigbar seemed to know exactly what he was doing.
“Hh…nn! S-sto….uhn…” The fingers were now pressing through, damp friction torturous and divine as it rubbed his asshole raw.
“There you go with that again. Looks like I’ll have to train you properly. But you want it don't you?”
Roxas found the strength to stiffen and shake his head as he pushed weakly at Xigbar’s chest. “Leave me…al-…mm. We didn’t do…any…ah!”
The scarred boy ignored him as he dragged his incriminating hand back to deliver a stroke to the raw tautness that was straining for attention. It pulsed under Xigbar's touch, shaving his nerve endings with electricity as Roxas cried out. Oh, he was going to enjoy breaking this little bitch.
“It doesn’t matter. You’ll take anyone as long as it feels good, just look at you. Now, what's say you and I—"
"B-but—", Roxas blurted out. "I thought you were going to let me go! Y-you said you'd let me go. Let me go!"
He was frantic then in his escape attempts—clawing and biting and kicking and punching. His efforts were rewarded. The touching stopped, but the scarred boy still held him. Xigbar's skin was slippery but it stuck close; glue, oil, water. Water. He was drowning. They were going to hurt him. They were going to beat him. Rape him. Kill him. The leader grunted as Roxas squirmed in his grasp.
"Axel! Axel help me! A—" His shouts garbled into oblivion as Xigbar wrapped a hand around his throat and squeezed.
"Shut up, damn you. Just shut up! He's not coming to help you. Nobody's coming to help you." The leader squeezed for emphasis, making Roxas's eyes bug out as his face darkened a few shades.
But Axel had heard.
The redhead stirred and groaned as Roxas's holler ricocheted against the inside of his skull. Though it was muffled by the rain and laughter of his attackers, Roxas's voice still carried—a haunted cry that rode the storm. Axel snarled and scrambled to his feet, pushing his body to hone in on the source and raze those bastards to the ground. They would not touch Roxas.
Roxas shied away from Xigbar as he pulled the blonde closer, hands in his shirt now as the slippery digits left searing welts wherever they ventured. "I said come on. Don't you want to play?"
The boy shook his head and tried clawing at his attacker again, his eyes squeezed shut so tightly that they were beginning to throb. "L-let me go! Please, I—"
Xigbar tossed Roxas into the waiting arms of his companions. "Hold him." The chant reawakened on their lips as two thugs pinned the boy's arms at his sides.
Despair rippled through the blonde's body, the drug that succors all victims. Roxas slumped as he looked up at the sky. The clouds were ripping slowly at their seams, and the rumble and clash of thunder tore at the grey expanse of sky like the claws of a hungry beast. The boy stifled a hysteric giggle at how apropos the entire situation was. He was going to be devoured. He was going to die here.
Roxas glanced down at Xigbar again, not bothering to hide his nervous gulp as the scarred boy wrapped a chain around his knuckles. Xigbar shot him a toothy grin and grazed the icy links against his cheek. “We could've done this the easy way, but bloody works for me too.” Roxas flinched. The leader pulled back his hand then raised it again to strike.
Suddenly, there was Axel yanking the guy's head into a sleeper hold. He wrenched and Roxas had to fight down bile at the sound of Xigbar's neck crunching.
"D-don't…Axel, stop. Stop! You're killing him!"
The redhead dropped Xigbar. The scarred boy slumped in an unconscious, fleshy puddle at his feet. He rubbed the back of his head, scowling at the crimson he found there. Axel leveled a glare at the two who were restraining Roxas and they stepped back apologetically. His eyes fixed on the purple shadows blossoming around Roxas's throat, the pink dusting his skin, the way Roxas couldn’t meet his gaze as he stood there and shivered with clenched fists. He couldn’t stop as his eyes snapped in emerald fury.
"Good old Xig ain't dead…yet", he spit on the ground next to the leader's motionless figure. "But you better get your scrawny ass moving." Axel snarled and cracked his knuckles one at a time as he sized up each of the remaining members. Blood ran down his face and body in rivulets that parodied the rain. It wasn't clear how much was his, and how much wasn't...
Axel's chest rumbled with a deep, angry growl that rivaled the thunder above. "Who did it?"
All fingers pointed at Xigbar. Axel snorted. So much for loyalty. He'd fix Xig up real nice when there weren't Roxas's around to stop him. But first…
"You." He pointed to one and the guy flinched, flicking his eyes around as he shifted his weight from foot to foot. "You hit me, you fuck. Prepare yourself." Steam issued from his nose like smoke—a dragon preparing to breathe fire in the frosty air.
Nobody fled. Nobody ever did on these streets. It was rare, fighting to the death, but not unheard of. Most times fists were exchanged until someone hit the ground. A winner wasn't decided until that moment. Sometimes though, just sometimes the battle didn't stop until one was dead. They would come at each other and do their best to maim. If they didn't their opponent would rise up the next time. Then their opponent would kill them. It was the mania of rematch. Vengeance. The cry for strength and control over this one thing when all others spiraled into chaos. Axel knew these streets well. They taught him more about life than parents, or friends, ever could.
"Axel…" Roxas gave into the compulsion to step closer to his protector and balled a fist in his jacket, saturated in crimson and clear. He shuddered as he felt the body heat radiating in palpable waves off of the taller boy and moved closer still to press himself against it.
“S-stop now”, the blonde breathed as his whole body shook. "You're supposed to walk me home remember?"
Axel swallowed when he felt something brush his thigh and pulled the shorter boy back. His eyes flicked over the glazed expression and the deepened flush that looked absolutely delectable. Roxas’s lips parted but all Axel could feel was a debilitating, crippling fury.
Suddenly he understood.
“He laid his hands on you didn’t he?”
Roxas blinked, snapped out of his haze at the venom in those words. He stepped out of reach, ashamed of himself for losing control. “I…”, he started but the words hitched, burning his throat. The needy weight in his pants dwindled to nothing as the cold seeped back into his heart. What the hell would he have done if...?
"You don't want to see what I'm going to do Roxas." Axel flicked his eyes down a final time, the curl in his lip softening at the disgust rippling across the blonde’s expression. He dragged his cold fingertips over Roxas's throat, drawing them back and balling them into a quivering fist when the shorter boy winced. He swallowed. "It…it wasn’t your fault okay? Run now. I’ll take care of this." The redhead untangled Roxas's fingers from his jacket and stepped around him. Screams crescendoed in the air as more crunches and smacks sounded at Roxas's back.
The blonde bent his head and clenched his fists before forcing his exhausted limbs into the motion of fear. Fear of what had happened. Fear of what could've happened. Fear of something he couldn't even name …someone who protected, someone who hurt. The buildings around him were unfamiliar, but he didn't care. All the mattered was pumping his burning legs as he ran faster. All that mattered was getting away from…him.
Roxas's adrenaline saturated his muscles as he finally came into familiar territory. Almost sobbing with relief, he kept up the pace. Running. Burning, running, rattling breath. Sweat, rain, blood not his own. He couldn't breathe. Couldn't see. Even so, he managed to race down the street, the rest of the way home.
Is somebody there beyond these heavy, aching feet? Still the road keeps on telling me to go on. Something is pulling me… I feel the gravity of it all.
Roxas crashed into his door and fumbled with the key before the door finally swung open. He slammed it behind him and locked it in a flurry of nervous fingers and hiccups. The storm raged outside and unbidden images of Axel's brutality trickled by with the flashes of lightening.
Roxas clenched his jaw and scrunched his eyes closed as he relived scene after scene of that lewd, graceful violence. Axel had fought with demonic strength and the echo of his laughter—as he beat each boy down with methodical cruelty—made the hair on Roxas's nape stand at full attention.
Even if it had been on his behalf, Roxas's brain couldn't grasp it; how someone could be so…
Who was Axel, really? Why was he so intent on making Roxas his friend? Surely the blonde didn't look that desperate and lonely,did he? This one was not what he appeared to be on the surface. No, this one had secrets to hide. Secrets that against Roxas's will, he felt compelled to uncover.
Who was the real boy behind the Jester's leering mask?
This was too terrible to be real. Never before had Roxas's new school experiences (of which he had many) been this…dramatic. That little voice that he hated snickered in the back of his mind again.
Things were different this time.
"It…it wasn’t your fault okay?"
No. No, it wasn't was it? But it had still happened.
Slumping against the door, Roxas bent his head between his knees and clamped his hands together. His body erupted with a fresh wave of heat and loathing. He was about to hyperventilate and if he didn't get a hold on it soon… Roxas shuddered and gulped in air that made his lungs swell and burn. Those guys had earnestly wanted to hurt him. And he wasn't even gay! Xigbar had touched him.
“Did it feel good when he fucked your ass, hmm? Did you beg for more..."
No. No, no.
With the finesse that Axel handled the situation, Roxas wondered how many times this happened to him before. And now Roxas had been dragged into it.
A niggling thought lingered in the back of his mind; Axel was gay. Truly gay? He'd flirted with him sure, but anyone could tease. The fact that someone else would call attention to it though...and blame him for it as well—
Roxas pushed it away.
He proudly considered himself a pacifist…not the funny-ha-ha kind of pass-a-fist. Roxas was just a limp fish whenever it came to raised voices, or conflict, or fists that flew like Gundam projectiles. The joke tasted bitter on the back of his tongue as he remembered his mother's screams.
Salty tears joined the drops of rain that carved scalding trails down his cheeks. Why was this happening now? Why was it so hard to stay cold? Why hadn't Axel just left him alone? He wanted to go back, even though he knew Axel would be alright. He wanted to make sure his savior was still standing. But he sat right where he was because he knew he couldn't. An ugly part of himself was very aware that Axel had arisen the victor.
And he was afraid.
Despite the promise. Despite the happiness that made his heart sing and his nerves tingle.
Anyone can make you feel this.
Bile boiled in Roxas’s stomach as he felt Xigbar’s hand pressed against his most intimate place.
It’s the same. Just as filthy. Just as wrong. Anyone can do it.
No, not just anyone. The someone that fought like fire and that laughed with abandon. Who teased gently, and extended a warm hand when Roxas hadn't thought he was still capable of holding on. It wasn’t the same feeling. Axel was different. This was going to be a solid friendship and there was nothing he could do to uproot the seed that had already taken root in his heart.
And he was so afraid. Afraid of the fire that seemed to rage more than the laughter. It was as if Axel had placed a wall—in the guise of jokes and a prankster's grin—between himself and the world.
A little of the façade, fallen away.
There was blood. The sound of bones shattering. What if Axel snapped on Roxas like that someday? Sure, he claimed friendship now. But what if Roxas said the wrong thing? Moved the wrong way?
Roxas smacked the back of his head against the door before tucking himself into his knees, rocking back and forth as he choked out sob after wracking sob. He grabbed chunks of his hair, pulling and scratchin his scalp. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fucking fair!
He hadn't done anything to anyone. Why was he always the target of their teasing? Why did he always have to stay quiet in these new places? Why couldn't he have a voice, strength enough to attach himself for that right to feel pain?
Why couldn't he have at least one friend to call his own? And why was he being accused of—
His mind locked down. It was too much.
The boy rose to his feet and began to punch the wall, the door, anything and everything in his reach. His screams swallowed even the cracks of thunder outside and threatened to suffocate him as they ricocheted through the empty apartment, echoing off the walls and bouncing back to mock him in his despair.
Roxas was a little boy again, cowering in the corner at the top of the stairs while his parents fought with words, then screams, then fists. He shivered and swallowed more cries that clenched his stomach, afraid that the phantom of his father would seek him out and beat him too.
He was alone.
Why wouldn't it stop? His throat scalded from the bellows he smothered; the curses, the pleas. Just as he was about to plummet over the edge into his own abyss, the moment passed as quickly as it had come.
The weeping trailed off into whimpering trickled off into the occasional sniffle. Roxas drooped against the wall he had come to rest by, holding his arms over his head like he was warding off physical blows. Roxas groaned as his body spasmed.
He was tired. So very tired.
The blonde hid his face against the coolness, placing a shaky hand up to stroke the rough plaster. The dips and rises caught the calluses on his palm. He lost himself in the sensation for a moment but cried out and jerked his hand back when the zing became too much. Blood—the smallest island of crimson—was marooned in that lumpy sea of frozen white. Roxas looked down at the cut on his hand and back at the wall again, shaking his head. The pain was real.
This was real.
His diaphragm quivered as he drew in a rattling breath. It was okay. He could get a handle on this. Everything was going to be...the dam burst again into more howls that Roxas felt would surely tear his throat to pieces.
He shuddered and arched his back to try and writhe away from the pain in his mind, to no avail. Like gremlins in the shadows that grabbed at his sanity, tossing it around and shredding it to bits, Roxas was tormented. That same creeping sensation clawed at his insides and laughed at his secrets.
The blonde collapsed against the wall, moaning and trembling. Minutes passed and so too did the trauma again, little by little.
Past the mountain of pain, past the tar pit of fear, a song tinkled to life. It was the spark in the darkness for him. The melody became a little louder, clashing with and subduing his panic as Roxas felt himself floating in the music's ether. The words to another Bullet song drifted lazily from his lips; he was a terrible singer.
His true calling was the guitar but the words wrapped themselves around his soul like a warm blanket in winter. A jumble at first as his voice cracked, the chorus weaved itself into reality while his fingers flew into position on his ghost guitar.
"Will darkness turn to light? Can someone wake me from this nightmare? Here we go. Here we gooooooooo. The tank is empty. Let it dry. I'm suffering. A passion ending….so the world ceases turning."
With every word Roxas felt strength trickle back into his being as he crested into the crescendo.
"So now I hope you see. I'm nothing more than human, making plans for enemies. But here we go again…Deliver us from evil. Crawling back to insanity…."
Music was his strength. His world. And for the moment, it was the solid base his sanity teetered on.
Roxas flexed his fingers and got up. Yeah. Everything would be fine. But first…he needed to strip the damp clothes from his body or he'd catch a cold.
Tossing them in the laundry basket, he padded naked across the quaint, now silent, apartment to the bathroom. It was like his fit never happened. The boy screwed his face up, disgusted with himself. With a little more force than was necessary, Roxas slapped the light on and winced at the sharp, buzzing fluorescent. He danced across the cold tile towards the tub and turned the knob for the hot water, cursing when it burned him. He tweaked the knob again until the temperature was just right. When Roxas parked himself on the scrubbing stool he noticed the bruises that branded into his skin like damning evidence. He raised the washcloth and scrubbed neurotically until his skin was red and stinging, but still the marks remained. They would be there for a while to remind him of how weak he truly was.
Roxas shook his head and rinsed before stepping into the tub for a long soak.
As the scalding water settled around his flesh and lapped at his chest, Roxas leaned back and emptied his mind. Thankfully this was an easier task than he thought it would be, and he was supremely grateful for the white static that crackled silently behind his eyelids. The blonde lay there, once in a while allowing random musings to float into his consciousness. He knew that he wanted milk after the bath. The hum of the dryer was punctuated by the occasional scrape from the zipper on his jacket. He needed to start reviewing his notes from class.
Mundane, normal little things. Escapes to a different reality. For the most part though his mind was like a broken mirror, his thoughts the scattered shards that would need to be reassembled eventually. For now he'd allow himself the luxury of purgatory.
'What a day...'
Roxas sneezed, sniffed, then sank deeper into the bath until only his nose and eyes were visible above the water. He narrowed them until they resembled slivers of sky.
'Am I catching a cold too?'
He sneezed again.
'...fuck my life. If this is day one, what the hell will the rest of my week be like?'
Roxas knew that he was sick after climbing out of the bath, his whole body reminiscent of a very pink, very wrinkly prune. He was running a slight fever, sniffled constantly, and his throat was starting to feel a bit scratchy. Roxas stomped up the stairs still naked, towel-drying his hair with one hand. When he was finally dressed—warm milk in hand and cold medicine sufficiently chugged—Roxas took a moment and looked out his window. It was still pouring outside. The pseudo-night had transformed into true black.
'I hope Axel got home okay in this weather.' The blonde shook his head. 'Need I remind myself that he is the entire reason I'm sick right now...'
Roxas sighed before turning off his light and flopping onto his bed like a boned fish. He rolled onto his side and stared blankly at the sheets of water slapping his window. The blonde groaned and turned himself to face the wall, using the whitewash to rid his thoughts of blurring red and that faint whiff of damp cinnamon.
.::.A/N.:. Yes Roxas is a pussy. I like him that way. Sue me. And no, sadly, Axel won't be okay. :3 But you can read that for yourself in the next chapter yeah? LOL so what did you think of my fight scene? x3 I kinda hated it 'cause it felt a bit corny to me. Please forgive any typos because I'm unbeta'd. Sorry, sorry! Props given to BFMV (Deliver Us From Evil), Pheobe Killdeer (Fade Out Lines), and the Wolf’s Rain OST (Gravity) for musical awesomenessness. Yeah. I’m done now. More to come soon~
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Love:: Misunderstanding	By : hachi-miitsu Category: Kingdom Hearts > AU - Alternate Universe Views: 1821 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
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Love:: Misunderstanding