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In good times and in bad	By : kruemel Category: +A through F > Dragon Age (all) > Dragon Age (all) Views: 14749 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: Dragon Age and the characters of the game do not belong to me. This is a no profit fanfiction

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"It wasn't that bad, was it? We have the contracts, Morrigan even showed us back to the camp and you are still you. No frog time." Rori teases after we've returned savely to Ostagar. She has been chatting with the dog guy about mabaris. Her own dog is running up and down the fence, barking at his relatives. "And they didn't cook us either."
"Life has a strange sense of humour, don't you think? This was probably the only time ever I wouldn't have minded being turned into a frog," I muse, watching her pet her mabari. Lucky bastard.
"I would have thought it is your greatest fear. Being forced to wear green for the rest of your life, you know."
"Not with you as a back-up spell breaker." Hey, wait, what am I doing? Am I flirting with her? It's only shortly before the ritual. I shouldn't be here admiring the cuteness of her blush and grinning at her like a drooling fool. As far as I know she is going to gulp down a cup of deadly poison as soon as the mages are done with preparing the darkspawn blood for the Joining. "Err... Let's get back to Duncan quickly. If we wait too long you won't be able to swing a dead cat without hitting a darkspawn."
"Are you ready?" Bless Duncan! He saves me from saying any more stupid things. Rori has turned a deeper shade of crimson. Even her ears are a shining pink. She casts a shy look at me and I manage something that I think could pass as a reassuring smile. She hasn't once faltered. Of course she doesn't know the horrible truth. I feel like an ass not being able to tell her. If this is how Duncan feels any time he recruits a new member, then I really don't envy him.
"Uhm, yes, I think so." She looks nervous as she wipes her hands absentmindedly on her pants. Then the insecurance fades from her eyes and she stucks out her chin defiantly.
"Better leave your dog here," Duncan advices. Smart. We wouldn't want a mabari freak out on us when his mistress drops dead after we made her drink poison. "See you at the old temple. Alistair, I'd like to talk to you before you take our recruits there."
Duncan watches me while he leads me away from the waiting group of recruits. I can feel his eyes upon me while mine don't leave Rori. Daveth is talking to her and the way she crosses her arms in front of her chest and glares at him, she doesn't really like whatever it is he suggests. "Something is bothering you," Duncan observes.
"Yes... no. It shouldn't be bothering me. It's... I now have spent so much time with them, fought with them in the wilderness. And now they all face death. We cannot know who will survive. And although that's what it is like and always will be, it makes me feel sad."
"Is this about them - or about her?"
"Touché! Blame my chivalry. I have wanted to protect her ever since I first saw her. She's so young. And she's a girl." I shrug. "She has no clue what it means to be a Grey Warden. In five minutes she could be dead." My words feel foul in my mouth. I start sounding like Jory.
"Alistair, are you smitten with her?"
"What? No! I hardly know her. She's pretty and smart and I admit I might have been flirting with her. Is that a problem?"
"No, Alistair, it is not. The Grey Wardens aren't the Chantry."
I am relieved to hear him say so. I haven't wasted much thought on romance in the past. In the Chantry romance was completely beyond question. I mean, templars can marry if the Chantry grants permission. But as a brother I was supposed to think of the fair sex only like a gentleman would. And with the Grey Wardens it didn't occur to me - not until Duncan brought back a pretty young female recruit from Highever. Smitten? No. But I am a man and that includes, uhm, manly feelings. And then there's my white knight disease. "Maybe you should ask her if she is smitten with me."
"Why so?"
"Well, she said, she'd kiss me." Do I sound boastful? Maybe a little. I prance a bit just for the effect.
"She did?" Hey! He doesn't have to sound so utterly surprised, does he? It hurts my ego!
"Yeah, but only if I was a frog."
Duncan sighs. "Do I want to know?"
"No, not really," I chuckle. The look on Duncan's face is priceless.
"Next to her being a pretty young lady, is there something that makes you think she is not ready for the Joining?"
"No, not at all. She is nervous, yes, but determined, too. I have talked to her and she has never shown any sign of regret. I believe she truly wants to be a Grey Warden." I wait for Duncan asking about the other two recruits, but he doesn't. "Hey, you are worried about her, too!" I blurt out.
Duncan sighs and rubs his face tiredly. Right now he looks far older than he actually is. Maybe it's the nightmares he has been suffering from worse than any of us. "When I recruited her...," he begins then his voice trails away and a shadow is cast over his face at the memory. "I made her dying father promise she would become a Grey Warden."
"I thought it was her own wish."
"I guess she would have joined us anyway - if her father would have let her go. She would have liked to follow him and her brother to Ostagar but he wouldn't allow her. I think her mother objected. And her father wasn't too fond of the idea either. With his son and him in danger of dying on the battlefield, he wanted Rori to take care of Highever. But things changed when Arl Howe betrayed the teyrn and slaughtered everybody in Castle Cousland. Rori is the only one who got away."
I feel like having been slapped in the face. Some things that have puzzled me about her fall into place, the sadness in her eyes, what she said about betrayal, her silent manner when Jory talked about Highever.
"The teyrn allowed me to recruit her for helping her escape from the castle," Duncan admits.
"But you'd have helped her anyway, wouldn't you?"
Duncan doesn't answer my question but I know him. He'd never have left Rori back there to die no matter her or her father's decision. He of course could have used the Right of Conscription on her. He probably would have. "The teyrn told his daughter she would live and her deeds would change the world," Duncan goes on. His expression is full of sorrow. Now I understand what bothers him. Rori's survival is unsure. If she dies during the Joining Duncan could also have left her back in Castle Cousland. It wouldn't have made any difference.
"At least she has a chance," I offer meekly.
Duncan smiles at me warmly and rests his hand on my shoulder. "My choices are thoroughly thought through..."
"Oh, I never doubted that, Duncan!"
He holds up a hand to silence me. "I only recruit those who might have a chance. Experience is part of my decision but also... instinct. I cannot explain it, but with some recruits I am sure they will survive. Rori is one of the few that I don't worry too much about. It was the same with you. Somehow I knew you would pass the Joining."
"But she still couldn't make it." Now knowing how she got here, I feel so sorry for her, I'd do the Joining again if that saved her from having to endure it.
"Alistair, death is our most faithful companion. In the end we all die. If Rori survives the ceremony she could die in the battle. Or in any other fight. In the end she will have to yield to the Calling."
"Yeah, but that's thirty years down the road... more or less." I feel sick. I don't want to doubt Duncan. I don't want to doubt the Grey Wardens. What we do is right. It is necessary. It is our duty. I feel like betraying Duncan. But Duncan wouldn't be Duncan if he didn't understand.
"Alistair, this is tough for all of us. And it never becomes easy. We do what we have to do for a higher goal. Without the Grey Wardens there is no protection against the darkspawn. Don't worry, you do not have to like this. I don't. I wish it was different and the weight of the loss of all who have died will never be taken off my shoulders."
"I don't know what is wrong with me. It feels like betraying the Grey Wardens. Betraying you." I groan and cover my face with my hands as if seeing nothing is going to stop what is happening around me. This is far worse than my own Joining. I had no idea what would happen back then. Now I know but they don't. Rori doesn't know. She asked about the ritual but I didn't tell her the whole truth and she didn't push me.
"She'll be fine, Alistair. It is time to leave now. We meet at the temple."
I still feel that awfully hard knot in my stomach when we gather for the ritual. Rori's expression is caught somewhere in between sadness and determination. It's the look she wears when she thinks nobody is watching. Her big blue eyes are full of sorrow then. She turns and looks at me and I make a step towards her. Duncan clears his throat and I stop myself before I can do something foolish like take her hand. Instead I just nod at her and her lips curl into the hint of a shy smile. I pray to the Maker that Duncan is right. If not... no, I do not want to think about that.
"Alistair, please!"
Huh? Oh yeah, the traditional words. Duncan wants me to say them. I really should pay more attention to what is happening. This is a grave moment after all.
“Join us, brothers and sisters. Join us in the shadows where we stand vigilant. Join us as we carry the duty that can not be forsworn. And should you perish, know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten." I pause before I add in a lower voice: "And that one day we shall join you.” I raise my head and my eyes meet Rori's. She looks so frightened but she keeps her composure with grace and dignity.
Daveth doesn't make it. The poison kills him mercilessly but quickly. I hear Rori gasp. She takes a step backwards and almost bounces into me. It makes her jump. She reminds me of a trapped animal. All her muscles are tense and for a brief moment I am afraid she's going to run. But she doesn't. Even when Jory fails and falls, she doesn't even try to escape or protest. I don't know if it's shock. She for sure looks shocked. Who wouldn't? This night will add to my nightmares - as if I didn't have enough of those already.
When Duncan turns to her, Rori begins to tremble. She's clearly horrified. Her eyes meet mine but I cannot stand to look at her. I wish I could help her but I can't. She turns around in a circle, clearly calculating her chances and finds there is none. Maybe she could outrun us but where would she go? She'd never make it out of the war camp. So she defiantly bites her lips, straightens and reaches for the goblet, taking it from Duncan. She stares into the dark liquid inside, then raises her eyes to look at Duncan. I hold my breath. She has seen Daveth die. She has seen Jory fall. She has to know there's no way out. Why does she hesitate? Never before in my life have I felt so awfully guilty. Come on, girl, you can do this! I couldn't stand it to see her being killed by Duncan like Jory. I don't know if I could forgive him then.
"Please," she whispers and my hope fails. "Please, tell Fergus if I... if I..." She doesn't complete the sentence but raises the goblet to her mouth once Duncan has nodded his agreement. I let out a gasp of relief.
“You are called upon to submit yourself to the taint for the greater good. From this moment forth, you are a Grey Warden,” Duncan drones.
The goblet falls from Rori's hands. She chokes, a spasm runs through her entire body. The pain is excruciating. It feels like being ripped apart, as if your inside is slashed by razorsharp talons, slicing through your intestines with merciless brutality. All you wish for is to die. I remember far too well.
When Rori falls I am there to catch her. We don't want the poor girl to break her skull in addition after having poisoned her. I gently lay her on the ground. Her eyes have rolled back in their sockets and foam has appeared around her mouth. Her body is twitching with violent spasms. It takes longer than with Daveth. Does that mean?
"Duncan?"
"She'll be fine, Alistair."
"Why doesn't she wake up, then?"
"It takes some time. Don't worry."
"But she has been lying here for a while. Do you think she's feeling cold? Should I fetch her a blanket?"
"Alistair! She is a Grey Warden now. Stop thinking of her as a damsel in distress."
"No blanket then."
Duncan finally silences me with a glare when I ask him for the umpteenth time when Rori will wake up and why it takes her so long.
Finally her eyelids begin to flutter and I have to bite back a squeal of delight. I feel like grabbing Duncan's hands and swirling him around in a joyous polka. But a look at him tells me better not to.
Then Rori is back and stares at us bewildered. "Hey there, welcome to the Grey Wardens! I hope you enjoyed the trip." I hold out a hand to help her get back to her feet. She sways worse than I do after having challenged Gregor in a drinking contest.
She stares at both me and Duncan, her eyes still wide with shock, her body trembling from the aftermath of what the poison did to her. Then she sees Daveth and Jory's corpses. "You... you bastards!" she gasps, trying to push me away. Just she cannot stand without my help so she collapses back into my arms. I am shocked by her reaction but Duncan simply chuckles - until she punches him in the face. It's a rather weak punch as she's still dangling in my embrace. But she manages to hit his nose which seems to utterly please her.
"Well, I guess I deserved that," Duncan sighs, rubbing his nose.
"Blast, yes you did!" Rori hisses, blinking back the tears that sting her eyes. She's not yet ready to forgive us. "You... you almost killed me! You killed Daveth! You killed Jory!"
"They knew there was no turning back. And they joined the order willingly - just like you did."
"Did you have nightmares?" I ask. "I had horrible dreams after my Joining." My question causes her expression to soften. She only now seems to realize we've been through this, too.
"I'm not entirely sure I am awake," Rori stammers. "This all is a nightmare!"
"I know it is hard. But that's what being a Grey Warden is like. It's the same for all of us. When I was recruited, I didn't even want to become a Grey Warden. I do know how you feel and so does Alistair." Duncan squeezes her shoulder lightly, a silent gesture of comfort. Rori's lips tremble, she opens her mouth to say something but closes it again, defiantly staring back at Duncan. "Take your time - just don't take too long. We still have a lot to do." Duncan doesn't give her a rest. He's not doing this because he's mean. The upcoming battle is close and while I have to take a message to the other Wardens and prepare for the battle myself, Cailan has asked Duncan to bring the new Wardens along to a meeting. Too bad there's only one who made it. But at least that one is Rori.
I am left back with Rori to watch over her while she recovers. She sits on a broken pillar as far away from me as possible, hugs herself and cries. I feel like a complete jerk as I stand there and watch her. "I am sorry," I finally say before I can stop myself from babbling. "I couldn't tell you even though I wish I could have. It's a secret, you know. Well, obviously. It's not exactly something you tell while having a cup of tea and some biscuits... so, I... you're not mad at me now, are you?"
She looks at me from across that suddenly very vast place. Wiping her snotty nose at her sleeve, she shakes her head, straightens herself and scrambles back to her feet. I offer a crooked smile when she comes to stand next to me and with some delay she smiles back- although it looks rather forced. "I think... I just need some time to cope with this. It's nothing like I expected it to be. After your... warning... I knew it wouldn't be easy. But I never thought it would be like that."
"I'm sorry," I repeat. "It was especially tough for you because you were the last to undergo the Joining. I got to drink the darkspawn blood first, so I did not know how it could kill. I don't know how I would have reacted if I had seen my comrade die right in front of my eyes. You're quite brave for such a little girl."
Now she really smiles, although it's a weak one and that shocked expression has not yet vanished. "Well, thank you," she mutters as she rakes her trembling fingers through her short hair. She looks so small, so lost... and yet she's a Grey Warden. She survived a procedure that killed tall grown men twce her weight.
"Oh, before I forget, there is one last part to your joining," I burst out when I remember I haven't yet come to that part.
Rori stares at me in blank horror and stumbles backwards. "Wh-what? There's more?"
"Oh, no, it's nothing... unpleasant," I hurry to explain. "Nothing that could hurt you. We take some of that blood and put it in a pendant. Something to remind us of those who didn't make it this far." I pull the pendant from my pocket - a griffon holding a tiny vial in its claws - and carefully pour the blood into it.
"As if I could ever forget that," Rori mutters. She reluctantly takes the pendant from me, holding it as if it was something slimy. Noticing my expectant expression, she sighs and finally puts it around her neck. "I should be going now, right? Meet the king and move on."
"Yeah, if the king wants to see you and Duncan you probably shouldn't keep him waiting. He might get mad, start crying, you'll feel bad and well... it won't be pretty."
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In good times and in bad