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Free as a Bird	By : Letticiae Category: +A through F > Dragon Age (all) > Dragon Age (all) Views: 9738 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age, nor do I own the characters. I do not make money/profit from writing this fanfiction.

Chapter List
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It's all too much for me to see

A love that's shining all around here

The more I learn, the less I know

And what I do is all too much
It's all too much for me to take

The love that's shining all around you

Everywhere, it's what you make

For us to take, it's all too much
(G. Harrison)
Hawke's companions decided it was not a good idea for her to go to the Gallows, at least not for a while. The rogue agreed, not at all eager to see Cullen again and not trusting herself not to go on a killing rampant the moment any templar crossed her path.
Over lunch that day Aveline brought news on Bethany from Solivitus. She also brought a list of rare ingredients he was looking for.
Varric snatched the list from the guardswoman. "Varterral's heart? I'm sure this is some very small docile, fluffy animal," he said sarcastically.
"Oh no, it's not fluffy. Such a shame," Merrill replied sweetly.
Hawke grabbed the list. "Dalish tattoo ink? Didn't you say your tattoos are made with your blood?" she asked the elven mage.
"They are," Merrill said.
"Why in Andraste's name Sol would want elven blood?" Anders asked.
"I have no idea," Aveline said. "He just gave me the list. What do you think we should do, Hawke?"
"Get him the ingredients, of course," she answered.
"Are you insane?" Fenris snarled. "There are no good reasons a mage would want blood."
"I trust Sol. He's a good man. He's been helping us and we'll help him," she said flatly.
"Maybe he wants to get a tattoo," Merrill offered cheerfully.
Varric burst in laughter. "I seriously doubt that, Daisy!"
"You don't even want to know what the blood is for?" Fenris asked indignantly.
"No, I don't," Hawke stated. "Let's go get it today. Soon it'll be snowing and I don't want to go to Sundermount in the snow just for some lousy ingredients. Varric, Aveline, can you help Choir Boy investigate the Harimann estate? Merrill, Anders, Isabela and Fenris, you come with me."
Fenris had yet to understand why Hawke felt the need to bring two mages to run a simple errand like that. He and the pirate were already going with her. Wouldn't one crazy mage be enough?
"I know what you're thinking, Fenris. Merrill is coming because she knows how to find a Varterral and how to get the tattoo ink," Hawke started.
"You mean blood," he corrected her.
She ignored his remark and continued, "and Anders is coming because we're safer with a healer around."
They didn't go far, though. As soon as they were out of Kirkwall they were ambushed by slavers that were after Fenris. The companions had no trouble overpowering the foes. However, by the look on the elf's face when he found out Danarius' star pupil was there too, hiding in a nearby cave, Hawke knew that situation had to be dealt with immediately. They would go to Sundermount some other time.

Fenris was glowing so bright it was hard looking directly at him. He reached for Hadriana's chest and ripped her heart out, squishing it his hand before tossing it on her pale, lifeless face.
"Yay! I love it when he does that", the pirate cheered.
Hawke rolled her eyes. "Not now, Isabela."
"We are done here," the elven warrior said, stalking past his companions as he headed outside the cave.
"You did what you had to, Fenris. I would have done the same. She deserved to die," Hawke offered, going after him.
He turned to face her, his lips curled in an angry snarl. "Oh, you think that was a good idea? This could be a trap! Danarius could have sent Hadrianna here to tell me about this sister. Trying to find her would be suicide! But all that matters is I finally got to crush this bitch's heart. May she rot and all the other mages with her," he growled, a disgusted look on his face.
Merrill lowered her eyes, staring timidly at her feet. Anders just shook his head, looking completely unsurprised. Isabela's mouth fell open and her gaze was going back and forth from the angry elf to their appalled leader.
"Hey! Let's not forget about my sister!" Hawke protested.
"I haven't forgotten," the elven warrior spat. "You saw what was done here. There is always going to be some reason, some excuse why mages need to do this."
"You know damned well they're not all like your magisters!" Hawke argued, taking a menacing step towards him.
"And who should be our example? Anders? Merrill?" he retorted.
The mages were to about to say something, but Hawke beat them to it. "Yes! They are good people, Fenris. They could have gone back to Kirkwall, but they chose to come here and help you! There's also Bethany and Father."
"Blood mage," he muttered under his breath.
Hawke had a murderous look on her face as she unsheathed her daggers and twirled them in her hands. Fenris flared his markings. Anders and Merrill readied their staves. Isabela grabbed her blades for good measure as she stepped between the warrior and the rogue.
"Stop that!" the pirate ordered. "Let's all calm down, go back to Kirkwall, have a few beers and be friends again, shall we?"
Hawke swallowed hard and tried to calm herself. If Isabela was being the voice of reason, something was definitely broken in this group and she would have to act fast if she didn't want them to fall apart.
Looking into the warrior's eyes, Hawke sheathed her daggers. "Can we talk about this?"
"No, we can't!" he yelled and turned away from her.
Hawke took a deep breath as she tried to remember everything she liked about him so she wouldn't reach for her blades again. "You don't have to go through this alone, Fenris. I'm still willing to help you. We can go look for your sister, but you've got to stop offending me, my family and my friends. My patience is running thin," she warned him.
Isabela gave her a nod of approval for her effort. Anders scoffed. Merrill shifted uncomfortably on her feet.
"Even if we found my sister, who knows what the magisters have done to her? What has magic touched that it doesn't spoil?" he replied bitterly.
No deal, then, Hawke realized. Instantly, she was fuming again. All the effort she had just put in calming down had gone down the drain and she looked like she was about to start a screaming match.
Anders put a hand on her shoulder and shook his head. "Leave him. He's not worth it," he whispered.
Fenris shot them a nasty sideways glance and stalked out of there, quickly disappearing from view.
By the time Hawke and the others were back in Kirkwall, the sun had already set.
"Are you going to be okay?" Anders asked her.
"I'll be fine, thank you. Go see your patients. Isabela has my back," she replied.
"I do," the pirate agreed, giving the mage a saucy wink.
Anders rolled his eyes and left.
The rogues dropped Merrill off at her place and then Isabela put an arm around Hawke.
"Let me buy you a drink," the pirate said.
"Just one?" Hawke jested.
Isabela laughed. "We'll split the other ten," she replied.
"Deal."

Once in the Hanged Man, the two tired, battered and bloodied women told Varric about the events of that afternoon over a few drinks. Hawke was a complete mess, looking utterly dejected and downhearted.
"I'm sorry to say this, Killer…" the dwarf started.
"Killer? How creative," Hawke said wryly.
"He's losing his touch," Isabela teased.
"You wound me, Rivaini. I am not," the storyteller protested.
"Please, Varric. Man Hands has red hair, so you're calling her Red. It doesn't get any less original than that," the pirate replied.
Varric huffed. "This is not the point. I was saying that Broody might not be good for you, Hawke. Have you seen the spikes in his armor? He's like an angsty porcupine. Of course that elf has issues. A lot of issues. And you look terrible. I hate seeing you like this."
"I'm tired of feeling like this," she let out a disheartened sigh.
Varric and Isabela exchanged concerned glances. They had seen their friend like that twice before and they knew exactly what was going on. It was the beginning of another self-destructive melancholy mood. When she came back from the Deep Roads to find out Alistair was gone and Bethany had been taken to the Circle and then when she had been arrested she had gone through the same thing.
The dwarf felt bad for her. She deserved better.
"We could go to the Rose," Isabela suggested, trying to cheer her friend up.
Beautiful aquamarine eyes and slender nimble fingers immediately came to Hawke's mind. Jethann. That damned talented whore had really given her her money's worth that night they had spent together. It hurt that she was again thinking about paying someone to pretend he loved and cared about her, but it hurt even more to be constantly pushed away, rejected and yelled at and to be always alone when she most needed company. She could use Jethann's gentle touch and his ability to figure out just what she needed without her having to ask for it. He had touched and kissed and caressed every spot on her body, he had held her until she had fallen asleep, he had bathed her… How sadly ironic it was that she would go to a whore for love and not sex?

Fenris barged in Varric's suite at the Hanged Man looking frantically for Hawke. He found the dwarf alone, having a tankard of ale and writing. "Did Hawke return? Did she come here?"
"She did."
"Did you see her? How was she?"
"Covered in blood. Pissed. On the verge of tears when she started telling the things you said to her."
"I went to her house. I wanted to apologize, but she didn't show up."
"Broody, you're always hurting her and then apologizing, and then hurting her again, and then apologizing again. You must know your apologies mean nothing anymore, right?"
It was true. Nevertheless he had to try once again, not only saying he was sorry, but also not hurting her anymore. "Where is she?"
Varric sighed warily. He didn't know if he should tell, though a tiny part of him wanted the elf to know where she was and exactly what she was doing because he knew that information would hurt him and, by the Paragons, that sodding stubborn elf deserved it.
"Did she go back to her estate? Did she leave with the abomination? Tell me, dwarf!"
"No, she didn't."
"It's dark already. Is anyone with her?"
"Isabela is," Varric said and regretted it the minute the words were out of his mouth. The elf had to be a complete idiot not to figure this one out.
Fenris instantly did the math. It was pretty simple, really. There was only one place you'd find Isabela at night if not at the Hanged Man or out on a quest. "Is she at the Rose?" he asked, nervously running his fingers through his hair. This time he must really have outdone himself to cause Hawke to seek comfort at the brothel.
Varric looked down, pinching the bridge of his nose and gave a slight nod.
Fenris felt bile rising in his throat and his stomach turning into knots. Clenching his fists angrily and ignoring Varric shouting for him to stop, he left the tavern. He was mad and disgusted and disappointed at her and himself at the same time. He would not sit idly and leave this be.
He practically flew to Hightown, reaching the door to the brothel within five minutes or so. He stomped in there with a determinate look on his face and rage in his eyes.
Viveka intercepted his purposeful stride. "Do you need something, honey?"
"Is Hawke here?" he asked.
The waitress knew what was going on. This was not an unusual situation at the brothel. Frequently some jealous lovers or exes would storm the Rose looking for their better halves after hearing some gossip around town that the person had been seen in there. "There's no one here by that name. I think you should leave."
Fenris all but shoved her out of the way as he took the stairs to the bedrooms.
Viveka cried for Madame Lusine, who sent two bouncers after him.
The elf pushed open the door to the first bedroom. Isabela was naked on the bed with her legs spread open and Katriela between them, servicing her.
"Want to join us?" the pirate asked, licking her lips lewdly.
With a shudder, Fenris hastily closed the door. Isabela was laughing inside, probably finding his anger and jealousy very amusing. "Go easy on Hawke," she yelled as he was moving away from her room.
The bouncers, with Lusine and Viveka in tow, reached him.
"Get out of here, elf! You don't want trouble with us!" one of the men yelled.
He snorted. Like two bouncers could stop him! Even if they were twenty he wouldn't be stopped. He was going to get Hawke out of there no matter what. "It's you who do not want trouble with me!" He flared his markings and the men took a step back. "Tell me where Hawke is or I'll break open every door here!"
"Get him!" Lusine ordered.
The bouncers hesitated and the elf opened the second door. Bran and Serendipity. It took Fenris a moment to understand what exactly was going on there. He rushed to the next room hoping that the image of the bizarre scene he had just witnessed wouldn't forever be burned in his brain. Maker help him, this place was beyond repulsive. He'd better find Hawke soon.
The bouncers finally gathered the courage to act, but Fenris easily shoved them off and sent them rolling down the stairs. Viveka and Lusine hurried after them to see if they were alive.
The brothel was completely silent. Everyone was curiously watching the unraveling of another one of the Rose's jealousy scenes.
Fenris heard a moan that made his blood boil in his veins. Hawke's moan. She was behind the door he was about to burst open. He could only hope he wasn't too late.
He forced the door open and for a split second, before Hawke and Jethann stopped dead in their tracks to give him startled looks, Fenris saw her standing with her eyes closed and her head thrown back as the whore stood behind her, devotedly undressing her while trailing feather-light kisses down her neck.
Her armor was already off, but thank the Maker she still had her tunic and underpants on.
"What are you doing here? Get out!" Jethann said, stepping in front of his customer. "I'm sorry, beautiful. I'll make it up to you," he told her.
"Why are you here, Fenris?" she asked angrily.
The warrior pushed Jethann to the ground roughly.
"Hey!" both Hawke and the whore protested.
The rogue turned around to look for her daggers, but Fenris was faster. He swept her off her feet, tossed her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and carried her out of there, an arm draped possessively over her ass the entire way back to her home. She squirmed and tried to fight him, but to no avail. He was much stronger than her and she couldn't escape his grasp, so she tried arguing with him. "This is ridiculous, Fenris. Put me down!"
"No!"
"Shit! Can't you see the mess I am, elf? Jethann takes cares of me. If I don't have that every once in a while how can I keep taking care of everyone else?"
"He is a whore. You pay him so he'll pretend to care for you."
"No one would do it for free! Am I not entitled some amount of joy in my life?"
"It is not real."
"I know that, but it's the closer I can get to the real thing. Put me down! I'm going back there. Now I want him even more," she retorted, her tone like that of a petulant teenager.
"No! Stubborn woman!" he yelled angrily.
She kept arguing, but he wasn't even bothering to answer her anymore. Thankfully she didn't live far from the Rose and her embarrassment wouldn't last much longer.
Finally they were inside her estate and he put her down. They started yelling at each other again. Bodahn quickly gathered his son and Orana and scurried them off to their quarters. Hawke and Fenris' argument was not at all suitable for minors.
Garrus rushed over, barking and bouncing around them, baring his teeth to the warrior as he anxiously waited for his mistress to order him to engage the hostile elf.
Fenris grabbed her shoulders and pushed her forcefully against the wall. "Will you listen to me?"
She started fighting him, so he pinned her, pressing his body flush on hers. Her mouth opened to protest and his eyes fell to her plump lips. What was he doing? He was probably hurting her, but at the same time he wanted to kiss her. He was completely losing his mind. He looked away hesitantly and was about to take a step back when her mouth captured his.
Leandra got there to check what was all that yelling about and she was just in time to see her daughter spinning the elf around and slamming his back against the wall. As Hawke's teeth started grazing down his neck, Leandra hurried back to her room and locked herself inside. Her older daughter was a lost cause.
Hawke grasped his hand and led him hastily towards her bedroom. The day before she had thought he needed more time and that they should take it slow. Today her resolve laid crumbled on the floor. She wouldn't wait another second. She couldn't.
Inside her bedroom, his demeanor changed completely. He knew what was about to happen and had no idea how he was supposed to act.
Hawke noticed his hesitation and tried to rein in her lust, so she could guide him and teach him and make sure he would have a pleasurable experience for once. "Do you trust me?"
He breathed deeply. "I do."
"Relax," she said as she started to undress. She didn't want him to feel exposed, so only after she had removed all her remaining clothes and undergarments did she start unbuckling his armor.
Fenris' mouth went dry and he licked his lips at the sight of her completely bare in front of him, his body instantly reacting to that stunning view.
She took her time undressing him, kissing and stroking every bit of flesh exposed. He was only in his breeches now and as she unlaced them, he flinched and then stiffened and his breathing became heavy.
"Trust me," Hawke whispered reassuringly in his ear. She nipped gently at his earlobe and felt him shiver pleasurably. She started kissing her way down his neck, chest and stomach until she was kneeling in front of him. His erection was straining in his leggings and she stroked him over the fabric, making his breath catch audibly in his throat.
She took off his leggings to find out his underwear was black. No surprise there. Black had been Isabela's first guess.
When Hawke reached for his last piece of clothing, his hands moved instinctively to stop her.
"I won't hurt you," she said, kissing his length over his smalls.
The elf closed his eyes and breathed deeply and taking it as a silent consent, she slid his underwear down and he stepped out of it.
His beautiful markings were everywhere. A very intricate design, even more carefully made than on the rest of him, ran up to the tip of his cock. She tried not to think of the pain he must have felt, imagining instead how he would taste like with all that lyrium right there.
Afraid of how she was going to react to him, he swallowed hard and kept his eyes shut. He could feel her breath blowing warmly right next to his hard length and he tensed. The next thing he felt were her lips meeting the tip of his shaft.
Her hands clutched at his muscular thighs as her mouth encircled him, slowly gliding back and forth and spreading moisture so he would slide more easily and smoothly between her lips each time.
His breathing was already becoming labored and he looked down at her. His eyes were dark with lust as he watched her on her knees, moving faster now, sucking him hungrily. It had never crossed his mind that a woman like her would want to do that for him.
He was about to come undone, so he tangled a hand in her hair and pulled her up to kiss her.
Hawke led him to the bed and laid down on her back. He came over her, bracing himself on his arms as he kissed and nipped her neck. His teeth grazed a spot that made her moan and he didn't resist the urge to bite and suck her right there and mark her as his.
His mouth kept exploring her body. He cupped one breast as he gave the other open-mouthed kisses. His lips closed around a pert nipple, suckling it while his fingers gently squeezed the other.
"Fenris… harder, please," she begged breathlessly.
That woman would definitely be the death of him. He complied, sucking harder and biting down at her pebbled nipple as his fingers squeezed the other even more, making her moan wantonly and whimper as she arched her back and rocked her hips against him.
Fenris could smell the scent and feel the warmth of her womanly core and suddenly he wanted nothing more than to taste her. He slid down to position himself between her thighs and… he had no idea what to do or where to touch in that mess of dark curls and pink folds.
"Teach me?" he asked shyly.
Bending her knees and spreading her legs wider, she grabbed his hand to guide him. As she slid his forefinger inside her, her wetness and heat made him gasp. She brought his slick digit up to her clit and showed him how to please her. Her enticing aroma was getting more intense and before he knew it, his tongue delved inside her, tasting her, eagerly drinking her.
The feel of his tongue inside her made her buck her hips and writhe shamelessly, moaning his name along with wordless lustful sounds. She was really close now and her fingers entwined gently in his hair as she led his mouth to her swollen nub.
"Like you did with your finger, do it with your tongue now," she said. Their eyes met as she gave him the instruction and for a moment there she had an uneasy feeling.
She hastily shook it off when he started circling her clit with his tongue, applying pressure and then sucking it slightly. Her hands began clawing the sheets, clutching and twining them around her fingers as she squirmed in pleasure. He grabbed her thighs to pin her in place as he intensified his ministrations and her orgasm hit in a frantic wave of ecstasy.
She was still shivering with the aftershocks of her climax when he came over her and the tip of his cock brushed her slick folds. There was again uncertainty in his face. He looked like he was asking her for permission.
Reaching a hand between them, she guided him inside her. Again she had that weird feeling in her gut. There was something strangely familiar about that whole situation.
He moaned low and guttural as he sheathed himself inside her and she completely forgot what she was thinking about. Her velvety walls, so tight, warm and wet around him made probably for the best sensation he had ever had in his entire life. She drew her legs up and around him, taking him deeper into her, urging him to move harder and faster.
His release was already upon him. She was tightening even more around his shaft, squirming and moaning, "Oh, Fenris!" and that proved to be too much. Looking into the dark pools of her eyes, he kissed her before crying out her name and throwing his head back as he pumped his bubbling hot seed inside her.
She was about to come with him, but in that brief moment where his eyes met hers just before he came, realization dawned on her and her climax was lost. She had finally understood why she had felt drawn to him at first sight. She could finally put her finger on that something about him that until just now she hadn't been able to figure out what it was.
His eyes. Green and bright and eager to learn how to please her. Like Arthur's eyes. Like the eyes of her first love, her fiancé. The eyes of the man she had let be killed by the darkspawn and had abandoned at the side of a road. That was what had made her feel drawn to Fenris from the start; his eyes, same as Arthur's. And this night had held little difference from her first night with Arthur too…

Panting, the elf rolled off to her side. His vision blackened and his head started spinning.
He was just a child. Black hair. No markings. He was pulling on red pigtails.
"Ouch! Mommmm!" the girl yelled.
An elven woman with weary eyes came out of a door. "Leto! Leave your sister alone! Come inside you two, now!"
He blinked. Another memory.
He was sixteen and was tending to one of his master's horses inside a large stable. A blond elven girl came over and smiled brightly at him. They usually sparred together, both training to be part of Danarius' guard. They looked around to see if there was anyone else in sight. They were completely alone and so they kissed. It was not the first time. They were always finding dark, secluded spots in Danarius' manor to meet in secret and make out. Ariadne was her name and he liked her. He really liked her.
His heart was pounding in his chest. Everything was coming back to him in haste and he had never felt this excited before. Happy, even. He remembered. Finally, he remembered something. He blinked again. Nothing. All he saw this time was darkness. The memories were gone as suddenly as they had come.
He dragged his hands over his face in despair. He knew there had been names, faces, places, but he couldn't recall any of them. The angst he felt was overwhelming. That whole situation was. It was all too much, too fast. He wanted to leave, to be alone. But what about Hawke? He had just slept with her and it had been better than anything he could have dreamed. What it was going to look like if he walked out on her now? Would she ever forgive him?
He didn't have time to decide which route he was going to take, because she had already decided for him. Hawke was up, dressed in her robes and she was handing him his clothes and armor.
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