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In good times and in bad	By : kruemel Category: +A through F > Dragon Age (all) > Dragon Age (all) Views: 14749 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: Dragon Age and the characters of the game do not belong to me. This is a no profit fanfiction

Chapter List
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All day long I can't take my eyes off Rori. The thoughts I keep having when watching her are all about making love to her. Everything she says or does just turns me on. I have never wished so badly for us to set up camp. It's a good thing I wear a suit of plate armour or I'd drag her off into the bushes anytime we halt for a rest. But as it's not like you can just shrug out of such an armour easily, it proves to be a rather effective chastity belt.
So I am forced to behave like a good boy and just stare. Rori doesn't make things easier for me when she kisses me. And she does that a lot. Whenever she gets the chance actually. And she doesn't care about who is watching. It's like the world around us ceases to exist for her. And then she does things like knocking her knuckles at my armour and say something like "I can't wait to get you out of this." or "Don't you wish we were somewhere more private. Only you and me together?"or "I want you to make love to me tonight."
It's excruciating.
I still expect to get struck by lightning with all the dirty thoughts I keep having.
"Might I offer you a bit of advice, my good friend Alistair?" I almost jump at the sound of the elf's voice. Blast, he's some sneaky bastard. If he had intended to murder me he'd have probably succeeded. He has been eyeing me for a while but as Rori has been keeping me company, he has not spoken to me. Now she is talking to a distressed merchant about some golem control rod he desperatedly wants her to have, the elf takes his chance.
When we have become good friends I do not know but advice from Zevran doesn't sound like a good idea. "I like my hair the way it is, thank you." I answer curtly, hoping to end any further discussion or conversation.
"Truly?"
Hey! My hairdo is certainly better than his with the ridiculous braids to emphasize his pointy ears. Actually, I have to admit, I'm rather vain. My hair, shaving every day. Rori was right when she pointed out that I do know that I'm handsome. Not that it helps much beause I am also rather awkward. Well, she seems to like me well enough the way I am. And that makes me grin like a fool every time I think about it.
Zevran shakes his head. "As you wish... though my advice is regarding something else completely. It has to do with your recent... exertions with your fellow Grey Warden that I overheard."
"My...? Oh." Someone please tell me this is not happening. I did fear it would because... well, Rori wasn't exactly quiet when we made love. Not at all quiet. I tried to be quiet. But I guess I didn't pay much attention to how loud I was when things became... steamy. And of course someone had to hear - but... that they would talk about it that openly... This is private! But I guess nothing really is when travelling together and sleeping in tents in the middle of nowhere. I've had some very unpleasant run ins with my companions that I could have well lived on without. I know the colour of Wynne's knickers because she uses to dry them on a washing line she hangs between trees. I've seen Sten's naked butt when he crawled out of his tent one morning. I still believe this did a permanent damage to my eyesight. Zevran in my opinion has a serious problem with keeping himself properly covered. He seems to believe there's nothing wrong with running around completely nude with only a towel wrapped around his hips. A towel that keeps slipping. To my utter relief Ferelden proves to be too cold for the Antivan elf and he is forced to actually dress again after a short time.
Top of the list of worst things ever to happen during all the time travelling with my companions was when I accidentally walked in on Morrigan shaving her legs. I shouldn't have remarked they were as hairy as a spider's because that's when she shapeshifted into a giant spider and chased me back to the camp. Boy, I've never run that fast!
I look around for an escape but Wynne and Leliana have vanished behind the bushes and Sten rummages through his backpack and finds his cookies missing. It's never a good idea to talk to Sten when he has lost his cookies. Especially since this time I am the culprit. So that leaves Morrigan. No way she's going to aid me.
"It did seem as if you just got going when all grew quiet. You are... feeling all right, yes? Perhaps you are tired?"
What? Yes, I am tired. I hardly got any sleep. But really... that's none of his business. "We aren't talking about this, are we? Did I hit my head?"
The elf is merciless. He probably thinks he's doing me a favour. "I have some roots from home that you may chew if you need energy. As for volume, perhaps you ought to try arching your..."
"Whoa! Whoa! Awkward!" I hold up my hands in defense and retreat.
"You Fereldans are so finicky. How will you ever learn how to pleasure each other unless you talk about it?"
"Not listening! La la la la la!" I stick my fingers in my ears. Zevran rolls his eyes.
"That's what one gets for wanting to help. No thank you, no reward." Zevran shakes his head uncomprehendingly. Yes, we Fereldans stubbornly refuse to discuss our love life with strangers. Or almost strangers. Actually with anybody who is not an active part of said love life. At least I like to handle it that way.
I've only just lost my... err... virginity... yesterday. Thinking about it, I recall that awkward moment when Rori first saw my erection. I am still not sure if there really is everything fine with it. For a very very brief moment I am tempted to ask Zevran about the proper size of... err... manly... unm... appendages. But then I imagine how he goes "Well, let me have a look." And the mere thought of having to unpack in front of the elf makes me recoil. If anything is wrong with me then Rori at least didn't complain and after my first failure it worked just fine. So it doesn't really matter if there's anything odd about me, right? Rori was the first woman I've spent the night with and if I can have it my way she'll be the last anyway.
Zevran is still standing there, looking at me expectantly but since I do pretend he is not there, he finally gives up. And off he strolls to seek out Rori.
Doom!
DOOM!
He cannot possibly talk to her about... I groan. I guess Rori and I do the kind of stuff that only Zev would talk about.
I am rooted to the spot by mere shock, watching Zevran take Rori's arm and pull her away from the merchant. He intently talks to her and her first confusion turns into embarrassement quickly. She could just leave but instead she makes the mistake of asking a question - and by her expression regrets it instantly.
I am about to rescue her but by now Zevran has taken hold of the control rod Rori received from the merchant and moves his hands up and down its smooth sides. Rori blinks and so do I. That's not about what I think then, is it? Could he possibly be talking about the control rod and the golem? Next Zevran begins licking the knobbly end of the rod. I have no clue what this is about, but Rori is a brighter shade of pink. She's probably blushing from head to toe. So this is about something dirty? Zevran after a short explanation begins to suck at the control rod. Rori looks as if her eyes are about to pop out of their sockets when the elf shoves half of the rod down his throat. Is this some circus trick? She squeezes her eyes shut and sticks her fingers in her ears, singing lalalala loudly to herself.
Zevran rolls his eyes and hands the rod back to her. She takes with two fingers as if it was something awfully gross. Well, it's for sure covered with elf spittle. Growling to himself, Zevran leaves her alone.
"I will never be able to look at this rod without blushing," she comments when I join her. She looks a bit shaken.
"What was this all about?" I inquire curiously.
"Cocks," Rori remarks dryly. She wipes the rod off with some wet leaves.
"We're not talking about roosters, right?" I ask carefully.
"Not at all."
"Then what was it about?"
"Why don't you ask Zevran?" Rori innocently flutters her eyelashes at me. "He certainly will love to explain it to you, too."
"Uhm... I'd rather not." Rori still holds the control rod in her hands, undecided what to do with it. "You don't really want to use that rod, do you?" She stares at me in blank horror. "To activate the golem, I mean."
"Uhm... why not? A golem could be rather useful. They are made of stone, so we wouldn't have to worry it could be infected by the darkspawn corruption."
"Do you think you could control it?"
"If I don't then maybe Wynne or Morrigan."
"I don't know if I like the idea of Morrigan in control of a golem. That's kinda scary."
"Father told me that King Maric had a golem fighting for him," Rori explains, frowning at the control rod. It's not as long as the staffs the mages use for their spells. I guess, it's about twelve inches long, smooth with a knobbly ending, almost like an acorn.
"Don't you think it looks a lot like..." Rori begins, but her voice trails off.
"Asparagus?" I offer.
"Errr... yes..." Rori blushes. "Well, there was a mage with a golem. He said the thing was huge and proved rather useful in battle although the mage was an idiot and made much of a show of how high and mighty he was. And didn't you say you had a golem as a child?"
"A miniature golem doll. That's something completely different."
"Well, boys have toys and men have the real stuff." She wants to hand me the control rod but I hold up my hands in defense and back away.
"No way I'm touching this! I have seen where Zevran stuck it."
"Just be glad he only stuck it in his mouth," Rori mumbles and shudders.
"Where else would he possible have...?"
"You don't want to know!" she squeaks.
"Probably not."
As the village where the golem is located is on our route to Haven, Rori decides we could go there before we search for Genitivi. In case the search will turn out to be dangerous. "Very likely considering our luck," Rori remarks.
The village is packed with darkspawn so we clear it. That's what Grey Wardens are there for after all. Only dead darkspawn is good darkspawn.
The golem stands in the middle of the village square on a patch of grass like a statue. It doesn't look that scary the way it stands there. Just a bit covered in bird poo. And someone has sctibbled 'Olaf is an idiot' across one of the golem buttocks. With the flowers and the bench to sit on this looks like a rather cozy place - if not for all the dead villagers and darkspawn.
Rori holds up the control rod and says the words she has been told. Nothing happens. She tries again. Still nothing.
"Maybe it's broken?" Leliana suggests.
Rori slowly turns and glares daggers at Zevran. "What? I didn't break it! Only because I used it as demonstration material doesn't mean I broke it!" The elf sulks.
"You sure you remember the words correctly?"
"I had Alistair note them." Rori fishes the note out of one of the satchels at her belt.
"Let me see... What is that?" Wynne squints her eyes. "Did you invent your own secret cypher, Alistair, or is this just the worst handwriting I've ever seen?"
"Didn't you say you love riddles, Wynne?" I smile pleasantly at her. "Well, here you got one! This could be an 'a'. Or maybe it's a 'u'."
Ten minutes later it's quite clear that either the rod is not working or the words given to Rori aren't correct.
"Okay, so as it stands here maybe the mage who controlled it before has left something useful behind. A note with the correct words would be a start, right?" Rori doesn't give up easily. She never does. Considering she has to find a way to end the Blight and slay the archdemon that's very comforting.
"Only if his handwriting wasn't as messy as Alistair's," Wynne sighs.
We find some villagers hiding in the cellar of the mage's house. And of course we rescue them. And the little girl that got herself trapped by the cat possessed by a demon. I might not like the idea of activating that murderous golem that killed its master but helping the villagers and the girl was certainly worth coming here. And Wynne and Leliana get another riddle to solve. And we receive the right words to activate the golem.
What a day!
So back at the village square, Rori tries again and this time, the creature moves. I wonder if it is uncomfortable for someone made of stone to stand in one position for such a long time. I'd have a rather stiff neck for sure. Do golems feel anything at all? Pain? Fatigue? What do they do when nobody orders them around? Do they get bored?
Obviously they do get bored.
"Oh, you poor dear! That must have been... really, really booring." Leliana says once the statue has told its story.
"And the villagers had no idea they were being watched? Creepy." I shudder.
"I don't know..." Rori says. "Being paralyzed without anybody knowing I am still there, being trapped in my own body, condemned to be the witness of the lives of others... that sounds far worse to me. The... gol... it... he? she?" She turns back to the creature that stretches and flexes its stone muscles or whatever golems have. Maybe it is a bit stiff after all. "Do you have a name?"
"Perhaps. I may have forgotten after all the years of being called golem. 'Golem, fetch me that chair.' 'Do be a good golem and squash that insipid bandit.' And let's not forget: 'Golem, pick me up, I'm tired of walking.'"
Being a golem doesn't sound like much fun. Listening to it, I almost feel a bit sorry. Rori does feel sorry. I can tell by the look on her face. She has that habit of trying to understand someone. And often she does. She now squirms uncomfortably and I am quite sure she's all imagining how it has to be being ordered around all the time and used like a tool when - obviously - the creature has a mind of its own.
And there I always thought golems were soulless. Walking statues and nothing more. Boy, was I wrong!
"It does have the control rod, doesn't it? I am awake so it must..."
"Err... it? You're talking about me? I have a name, you know. And I quite well remember it. And I'm female - that has confused others before, but really, I am." Ignoring Rori, the golem seems lost in its thoughts. "Uhm, is something wrong?"
"I feel the control rod yet I feel... Go on, order me to do something!"
"Order you to do something? But why? Oh, okay, if it makes you happy... uhm... give Zevran a hug."
The elf stumbles backwards until he can safely hide behind Sten. "Now, now. I don't care much for foreign objects invading my personal space. Well... usually."
"I got quite the contrary impression when you talked to me earlier about... certain things," Rori replies sweetly.
"Haha! Paying me back now, aren't you?"
"Nothing. I feel nothing." The golem seems rather delighted - and so does Zevran. I wouldn't want to be hugged by a golem so I don't blame him.
But that means... Oh blast! The rod still isn't working correctly and Rori has no control over the golem. Great. Just great!
That's the point where I'd just turn and run - or make sure first a golem with free will doesn't do something horrible. But Rori has a way to collect freaks.
"Are you certain you want to bring that... thing with us? It could be dangerous. And large."
"Think of it as a portable battle ram," Rori says cheerfully. I am not convinced but she kisses me and how could I argue with her afterwards?
"Good point. Better it than me anyhow."
And that's how we welcome a bird hating golem called Shale into our group.
"What are you going to do with the rod now?" I ask on leaving the village, Shale trudging behind.
"Oh, I don't know. Maybe give it to Zevran. He pointed out a few ways of using it that got absolutely nothing to do with controlling a golem."
Before I can make up my mind if asking her what kind of use she is talking about, a squashing sound from behind makes us spin round.
Shale is standing there, a puddle of blood forming around one of its feet, white feathers sticking out of the mass. The golem just shrugs.
"Maybe," I croak. "Maybe you should keep that rod and see if you can get it repaired. Just in case."
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In good times and in bad