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Vhenan'ara	By : Arcanis_Born Category: +A through F > Dragon Age (all) > Dragon Age (all) Views: 6576 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I don't own Dragon Age, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from this.

Chapter List
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Dragon Age: Origins is owned by Bioware, as with all its characters, the story as it deviates from canon is mine, however, as with the personalities of characters as they deviate from those in the game.
Thank you all so much for your continued readership! It means so much! And a BIG thank you to everyone who leaves a review!
Translations:
None this chapter.

There was over a hundred ways that this plan could be labeled 'insane'. And a thousand more in which it could go terribly wrong. Yet there was not one single alternative that Riel could live with. Either she risk her life and the lives of those with her for the eggs of these vile things, or not only her best friend but the man she loved would die. Even if she hated both of them with a passion right now.
Morrigan and Wynne had each explained why they had gone looking for the drakestone. They glossed over many details and Morrigan still hadn't explained where she learned the spell from, but Riel understood enough of it where she wasn't quite as pissed as she was. She still felt betrayed and used, and was still more than angry at the others, but there was a small nagging part of her that understood what they did. Even if she didn't want to acknowledge that part of her right now.
Right now, the only thing that mattered was getting those eggs. Then she could worry about skinning Zevran alive. Out of all their betrayals, his had hurt her the worst. None of the others really knew what she had went through before she was adopted by her Dalish clan. They didn't know what those bastards had done to her for most of her life. Zevran did. He knew why she feared others and being at the mercy of someone else. And yet instead of trying to talk with her, he drugged her. He took away the only thing she had, and the one thing he said would never do.
He took away her choice. Her freedom. And he took away her trust.
And so she may still love him. And she was going to save him. But right now, she hated him. And Riel didn't know if she could ever get over what he did to her. Good intentions or not.
"Once the rock is in place, it should be secure enough until we get back," Wynne stated as she exited the abandoned building where they had put both Zevran and Leliana.
The building was barely larger than a hut, probably belonging to a lower class or even casteless dwarf centuries ago when the thaig was still used. But the roof and walls were solid. And there were no holes in the ground indicating things had dug tunnels underneath it. It was as secure as they could make it. All except for the door.
"If we are to catch up with Kardol and his men, then we should go. Now," Sten punctuated the last word with his usual impatient disdain. Yet he said no more even as Riel took a moment longer to look at both Zevran and Leliana.
Lying side by side, they representing two thirds of the people of whom had meant the most to her. Two thirds of her heart that now danced closed dangerously close to death. And she was about to take the last third with her into an almost certain death trap in order to save them.
Despite her coldness and the distance that she liked to keep people at, Morrigan had become just as important to Riel as Leliana had. The two women representing two halves of her own self. Each living freely in ways that Riel wished she could herself.
Leliana with her endless joy and optimism. The way she always found happiness and goodness in things. Even in battle, she was quick to throw a taunt to whatever enemy they fought, bringing a small smile to Riel's face for how silly or absurd it was. She was the light in Riel's life before Zevran had shown her what real love was. And in a strange way, Riel loved the bard almost as deeply as she loved Zevran. It wasn't the lustful, endless need she had with Zevran. No, with Leliana her love was like all things involving the woman. Light, and fun, and full of joy.
Morrigan on the hand was the opposite in almost every way. Cold, hard, and calculating. Yet she wasn't without emotion or caring despite what others thought. She just measured herself wisely when it came to those around her. Distance for Morrigan seemed as much as a survival tactic for her as it was for Riel. After all, if people were not close to you, they couldn't hurt you. Riel had wondered what had happened in the young witch's life to give her such a fear of being hurt. However, just as Morrigan respected Riel's wish to keep her past to herself, Riel respected Morrigan's own privacy. Still though, their combined jaggedness and cynicism bonded them. They saw the darker parts of the world that others either couldn't or refused to see. And yet, Morrigan always found a way to laugh. To enjoy life. Whether it was poking fun at Alistair, or flaying an enemy alive, Morrigan took enjoyment out of life in the same way that she viewed it. As a dark, beautiful creature that was just as dangerous as it was lovely.
And Riel loved the woman for that. She was the flip side to Leliana. The other half to Riel herself. And with the two women at her side, Riel finally felt a connection to someone beyond just simple hatred or distrust. In fact, it was probably because of the budding relationships that she had developed with the two women that made Riel even open to something deeper with Zevran. The waters tested with safer friendships before allowing for the deeper plunge of real love.
However, all of that was now gone. Lost in the bitterness of anger, betrayal, and fear. The three people she had trusted most with the inside parts of her soul, had all used her trust and love against her. They took away the only real true thing Riel had ever given herself. Her freedom.
Taking one last longing look at the two pieces of her broken heart, Riel steeled herself and shut out her inner emotions. She could not afford to go soft now. She had no time to wallow in her sorrows. Right now, she had bloody spiders to kill.
Riel nodded to Shale as she stepped out of the building. "You can place the rock now, Shale," she coldly stated to the golem. The ground slightly vibrated as Shale rolled the immense stone boulder over towards the door frame. It wasn't a perfect block, but it would keep most things out that wished to do her loved ones harm.
"Kardol said he would meet us in the same area that we first ran into him and his men," Oghren explained as he stepped near the Warden.
Riel nodded, forcing her eyes to look away from the boulder and those that lay beyond it. "Good. Did he say how many men he could lend us?" Riel asked.
"He said he would give us two whole patrols, which should be pretty good. From what I remember, each Legion patrol consists of ten men. And these aren't some wet eared newborn nugs, either. Seasoned warriors who have fought the nasty shit down here for years."
"Good. I'm actually surprised he agreed to help us at all," Riel sighed as she doubled checked her side pack. They were going into battle and the last thing she needed was to have forgotten her potions or poultices back at the camp.
"From what he told me, old Kardol knew your Duncan." Riel glanced over at the dwarf at the name of the human Warden. "As he tells it, Duncan was down in Orzammar looking for recruits not too long before things went sour at Ostagar. The Warden ended up saving Kardol and a bunch of his men form a whole swath of ogres that was being backed by bunch of shrieks."
Riel shivered at the mention of the grotesque corrupt creatures known as shrieks. Unlike the humanoid hurlocks or the shorter gemlocks, shrieks were something else entirely. Along each of their hands they had one long razor sharp claw on each arm that could slice through armor like butter. As well, they had a strange type of shell that encased their bodies, preventing arrows from penetrating. Their mouths were even similar to that of spiders, with large mandibles that snapped with a force that could break bones. The worst part of all however, was that they had a natural ability to cloak themselves in darkness, seeming to appear out of nowhere whenever they attacked. Shrieks were masters at stealth and often the first sign you were under attack was when one of their long blades slashed out from the darkness aiming for neck or stomach.
What gave them their name though was the ear piercing shriek that would echo out as they tormented and terrified their prey. Calling from different shadows at sporadic intervals, you never knew how many there were or exactly where they would attack from. They were one of the Archdemon's favorite, being excellent spies as well as assassins.
Or in the case of Riel's nightmares, what she would birth if she were to ever be unfortunate enough to ever be captured by the vile abominations that were Darkspawn.
That was the secret the Archdemon had shown to her. One of many horrors she had to endure during her imprisonment in her own mind. It turns out the Darkspawn didn't just take survivors to feed from. No, they actually used the poor souls they dragged underground to breed.
The females of the different races were used as breeding stock. Forced to consume Darkspawn flesh and bile until their bodies were transformed into the grotesque horror that were the Broodmothers. Bloated and tentacled creatures that birthed the Darkspawn horde. Human women were used to create the Hurlocks. Dwarven women birthed the stockier gemlocks. And the rare chance that the Darkspawn managed to capture a female of Sten's people, those produced the monstrous ogres.
Riel's kind though - elven women who were captured and transformed by their evil - they birthed the shrieks. The screaming assassins that clawed out from shadows and could pluck a grown man off his feet and away before he could even defend himself.
And the men who were captured….. Food for both Darkspawn and unfortunate female alike. Women forced to feed from their husbands, fathers, brothers… even children.
The image of Riel eating and consuming familiar flesh as her body gorged and grew larger still remained just a blink away. A moment too long spent with her eyes closed. A distracted few seconds when her mind was allowed to wander away from her current task.
You are one of us!
The deep and seductive voice still echoed in Riel's mind, no matter how many times she tried to shake it free.
"Warden!"
Riel came back to herself in shock. Around her, everyone was staring at her as if she was about to start spawning the tentacles that she so feared. As if every nightmare of hers was made real and they were horrified to see the monster that she was becoming.
"Riel, are you okay?"
Riel looked over to Wynne and choked back her tears. Hearing the motherly tone come to her when she felt so wretched and dirty was almost a slap in the face, pulling her the rest of the way out of the horrors of her mind. Riel cleared her throat and tried to manage a smile to the older woman.
"I'm far from okay, Wynne. But I don't need to be. I just need to kill some sodding spiders and get back here before they-" Riel's throat seized before she could say the worst.
"You heard the Warden! Let's get killin'!" Oghren chuckled, hefting his hammer over his shoulder.
"Come on then. We're wasting time we don't have," Riel stated flatly before following Oghren's lead.
Morrigan walked over to Wynne, mimicking the older woman's worried gaze. "I am worried, Morrigan," Wynne said softly.
"So am I. However, we shall attain the eggs required and heal the assassin and bard."
"That's not who I am worried about most, however."
Morrigan sighed. "I know. Yet 'tis all that we can do at this moment. That, and keep her alive."
"Maker help us…" Wynne breathed to herself before both women caught up with the others.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"That's the tunnel down there," Kardol pointed towards the opening in the rock face where Oghren and the others had escaped from earlier. "Now I warn you, Warden. The nest is going to be on alert. Last time these nuglickers went in, they had the opportunity of surprised. The crawlers weren't expecting to actually have their prey walk willingly into their domain. Now though, they're going to be prepared."
"How many spiders do you think are in the nest?" Riel asked the leader of the Legion, her arms folded over her chest as her mind worked over all their options. So far, it didn't look good no matter what they did.
"Hard to tell. As I told Oghren, no one's been stupid enough to attempt a raid on a nest in years, and no one has certainly survived to tell the tale in at least a few centuries. However, from what I remember from back when I lived in Orzammar, the Memories spoke of how after the Darkspawn came, their corruption twisted the spiders that lived down here. They grew monstrous, and became nearly as much of a danger as the Darkspawn themselves. They chased off whole thaigs, then took them over. It is rumored though that each nest is controlled by a single queen. The queen is guarded by several nest warriors - the ones that laid up your companions. Those are the real ones to watch out for. Get bit or stung by one of them, and you're going to be no better than your friends."
"There were at least a couple dozen of those squishy eight legged things when we were here last."
"You got a good look at the nest, Shale. Did you notice anything that might help us?"
"There was a large vein of lyrium in the back of the room. Larger than most of the ones I have seen around here, as a matter of fact."
"Lyrium can be pretty explosive," Kardol interjected. "Especially the larger veins. The more exposed, the larger you make the explosion."
"How do ya make it explode, though? Don't ya need to be pretty close to the sodding thing to light a fuse for it?"
"Would a fireball work?" Morrigan asked this time.
"No, or else it would have exploded when we were here last. Between Shale and myself, the entire room was on fire. Yet it didn't trigger an explosion."
"You're lucky it didn't, Wynne," Riel snapped. "Besides, we can't run the risk of turning the whole room into a one giant flame. We need the eggs first. Without those, the others-"
"Why can't we just send ole' rock face in to grab 'em eggs?"
"Because, you belching blowhard, they may not be able to injure me due to my superior rock surface, enough of them would still be able to prevent me from moving, trapping me in their webs. It would be as if I was back in Honnleath. Only with more legs," Shale shuddered. How a golem could shudder, Riel didn't know. But it was obvious that Shale had no intention of allowing itself to be trapped again. Not that she blamed the golem. They were just running out of options. And time.
"My men can launch a volley of fire arrows into their nest, drawing them out. If we can manage to lure them out into the open here, they would be easier to pick off. However, crawlers are not like Darkspawn. Those bastards are smarter than you would think. After two or three times of luring them out, they will get wise and refuse to leave the nest. Then you'll have to fight on their terms."
"Kardol's plan is the most intelligent thing I have heard. However, it leaves a mighty flaw," Morrigan replied snidely.
"And what is that, witch?" Kardol bit back, meeting her tone head on.
"I was told that the spiders retreated when they were first lured out here. If your plan is to work, there must be something to keep them from simply retreating the moment they enter the area."
"She is right. When we were escaping the spiders before, something made them go back into the tunnels instead of fight you and your men."
Riel thought for a moment as she considered what Wynne and Morrigan said. "Kardol, what do you coat your arrows in to make them flammable?" she asked suddenly.
"Uh, just a normal oil that we sprinkle with lyrium dust. Once caught on fire, they burn bright and hot for a few minutes before dying out. But that's all our archers need to launch one into the eye socket of one of those sodding Darkspawn," he replied with a small measure of pride.
"Do you have the oil with you?"
"Yeah, we keep extra to coat more arrows when we need them."
"Shale, do you think that as long as you didn't move or glow, that the spiders would ignore you?" Riel asked, turning then to the golem.
"As long as I don't threaten their nest or their squishy little bodies, I don't think they would even known what I was."
"Good," Riel nodded before turning to the mages. "Both of you know fire spells, right?"
"Yes," they both said in unison.
"Oghren, you said you know how to berserk. Think you can access that on command?"
"Warden, just say the word and you will have yourself a berserking dwarf ready and willing to smash as many of those crawling bastards as I can!" Oghren laughed.
Riel nodded, then was silent for moment as she worked through several more things mentally to herself. "Sten, Oghren," she finally said, address the two warriors. "I want you on either side of the entrance. When I give you the signal, you are to take out as many as you can. If you get overwhelmed, however or get stung, you are to fall back to Kardol's group. Understood?" Riel could see that Sten wanted to argue, but thankfully neither of them raised any objections.
"Yes, Warden."
"You can count on ole' Oghren, Warden!"
"Kardol, I want your archers standing back, ready to fire on my command."
"Your command?" Kardol bristled, obviously not used to giving control of his men over to others.
"I don't have time for a pissing contest, dwarf," Riel snapped before raising her hand to rub the bridge of her nose. With a sigh, she continued. "Yes, I am plenty appreciative of you lending me your aid, however if this has any chance of working, I need to sync up these attacks perfectly. If your men have trouble taking orders from a female elf, remind them that first and foremost I am a Grey Warden. All else is sodding dust, if I may borrow one of your terms."
"You have the balls of a Paragon, Warden," Kardol laughed. "And what of the rest of my men?"
"Have them in attack formation standing about twenty feet from the entrance. However they are not to charge until I signal, understood?"
"I think Duncan made a good choice in choosing you to become a Warden. My men will be ready," Kardol replied before turning to relay the orders to those in his command.
"Wait, Kardol!"
"Yes Warden?" he asked, turning,
"I need as much of that oil as you can spare," Riel stated coldly.
"You'll have it." Kardol then approached his waiting men. "The Warden's order are in you nuglickers! Now get your arses over here and listen up!"
"And what of me? Am I just to stand there and look pretty?"
"Shale, you have no idea just how right you are," Riel smiled grimly.
Mythal, please let this work. And please, do not let me be too late….

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Oh how I detest that Warden…" Shale grumbled as it walked down the long tunnel leading to the spider's nest. So maybe it wasn't the worst plan that Shale had ever heard. It was better than the plan that the male elf had come up with. However, it was still damn near close to the bottom of the list.
About halfway down, Shale gripped the torch in its hands and sighed briefly before bringing forth a quick burst of its power and lighting the torch. The response was immediate. A swarm of spiders began to suddenly move forward, the clicking of their claws along the stone being drowned out only by the their angry shrieks as they raced towards Shale.
"Here goes…" Shale muttered before tossing the torch back down the tunnel where it had come from before going completely still. Turning off all of its internal power, Shale forced itself to be nothing more than the very rock that comprised it. Blending into the rock walls and floor of the tunnel itself.
And it worked. The spiders all but ignored Shale as they raced past it and out towards the entrance of the tunnel. Their instincts to protect their nest from any intruders, they flocked to the foreign scent of invaders that existed just beyond the tunnel entrance. Once the majority of them had passed Shale by, it slowly turned and made its way back to the entrance, keeping itself barely lit as to stay hidden from the spider's attention.
Once it was at the spot marked out, Shale counted to three before lighting up its body and blasting out a sheet of fire, igniting the slick oil that coated the walls, floor and ceiling of the tunnel.
From outside, Riel's shrill cry could be heard, signalling the first volley of arrows. As the spiders escaped the fire behind them, they were pushed out of the tunnel and up on to the walls outside. Which gave a perfect shot for Kardol's archers.
"Mages!" Riel screamed out, timing the unleash of massive fire spells that spread along the walls outside of the entrance to the tunnel. The flames raced up the walls, following the web trails of the spiders, burning them with its hungry fire.
Spiders of all sizes fell from the walls, screeching and screaming out in agony and anger. "Sten! Oghren!" Riel screamed out, calling out the two warriors from their hiding spots.
Sten with his massive sword and Oghren with his hammer smashed and sliced at the spiders before they had a chance to right themselves and crawl away. However many spiders that escaped the first two attacks came down the wall and approached the group, their mandibles clicking in anticipation.
"Kardol! Now!" Riel called out as she drew her blades, ready to slice the first spider that dared to approach her.
Kardol's men came running up, joining Riel as they swung and smashed at the crawlers. Riel's blade's did not remain hungry either. The first spider she sliced straight through it's head, cutting it from eight eyes down to just four. Another lost two legs before Riel had to duck and roll away to avoid it's snapping maw. Another slice and another, taking legs and mandibles away from their owners.
As with all battles, it was both over far too soon, and in what felt like an eternity. Slicing through a screaming maw that snapped at her chest, Riel silenced the last spider. Breathing heavily, she looked around quickly, finding her allies and mentally noting injuries.
Wynne was standing over Sten who was doing his best to shoo the woman away. Morrigan was helping Kardol's men. Oghren was going carcass to carcass, smashing the ones that still twitched with his hammer. And apparently running a score with Shale while doing it too….
Riel shook head and sheathed her weapons. Finding Kardol among the twisted mess of spider corpses, she made her way over to him.
"Any problems?" she asked the dwarf when she got close.
"A few injuries that your mages are dealing with. One of my men will need that cure you will be making," Kardol said stiffly. "Six men will be going back to the stone this evening."
"I'm sorry, Kardol," Riel gasped. The deaths a brutal reminder of the danger of what they all lived in. A danger that she had asked Kardol and his men to put themselves in.
"Do not apologize, Warden. The Legion of the Dead fights not just the Darkspawn, but everything that threatens Orzammar. When we each joined the Legion, we swore our lives to protect the people back there. Whether it be crawler or 'spawn. If it is one thing that we Legion knows, is that eventually death comes for us all."
Riel stood silent as Kardol's words hit her. He had lost six men to save two of hers. It was a heavy price that crushed down on her. In that moment, Riel wished she had Zevran's dry humor or even just his gentle reassurance. Things that she knew individuals from Kardol's men would miss of those who had fallen. Because no matter how much one mentally prepared for their own death, it was always hard on those left behind.
"Kardol, your debt to Duncan is paid. Take your wounded and rest. My companions and I will go into the nest and get the eggs." Riel wasn't about to risk any more of their lives for her own needs. "When our mage has made the medicine from them, I will have one of my own deliver some to you."
Riel was about to walk away when Kardol called her back. "Warden, wait!" Riel turned slowly, the relief and joy she felt in victory faded away under the cruel numbness that the reality of death brought with it. "That nest still has Ancestors know how many crawlers left in it, not to mention at least some of those blighted warriors. Not all of them would have left, not to mention the queen herself."
"Your debt to Duncan-"
"Isn't paid until his Warden and her friends are safely back at their camp and they have that blasted antidote." Kardol held up his hand when Riel tried to argue, cutting her off before she began. "Look, I knew Duncan. He was an honorable man who didn't tolerate the blighters that I deal with in the Legion. He wouldn't have recruited you if he didn't see something special in you. And after that last battle, I see it too. You're a fine Grey Warden, and the Ancestors would never forgive me if I left you and your friends to be crawler food. Now give my men time to get all patched up and your mages to get their magic back, and we'd be honored to follow you back into that bronto pen of a nest. After all, it's your job to end the Blight. It's the Legion's job to make the Deep Roads safe again. And I can think of no better way than to finally knock out one of those Ancestor forsaken nests."
"Kardol, what about your men? You already lost so many…" Riel shook her head, shocked and honored by his words. Yet still she was reluctant to allow him and his men to risk their lives for her cause.
"Men!" Kardol called out suddenly. Turning to face them, his face the stern set of a commander addressing his troops. "This here Grey Warden is about to do what no dwarf has done in centuries! She is going to go wipe out an actual nest of those sodding crawlers!" Kardol paused while some of his men whooped in support. "Now, just wait a moment! This elven Warden-" Kardol emphasized her elven heritage, causing Riel's eyes to narrow. "She is going to do something that by rights, is a dwarven thing to do! As a member of the Legion, and a dwarf myself, I can't tell you how much that sticks in my craw!" More whoops and hollers from his men. "Damn it you sodding back biters! Where are your stones? Are you going to just wait back here while this elf goes in and takes the honor of clearing out the first crawler in nest in nearly three centuries?"
A chorus of shouts and angry disapprovals followed. Some dwarves even glaring at Riel with anger in their eyes.
"As a dwarf, I'm not just going to sit back here like some fancy deshyr and with my thumb up my arse! I'm not going to let some elf - Grey Warden or not - take the honor that rightly deserves to the dwarven people! Now who's with me?" Kardol yelled out, his face red from exertion as he rallied.
"Hear, hear!"
"No way I'm staying behind!"
"Ancestors take those crawlers!"
The cheers and shouting from the men all sealed the deal before Riel could even say anything. Weapons lifted into the air and arms pumping the space above their heads. If it wasn't for Riel's own fears and and doubt, she would have probably have found Kardol's speech just as inspiring as the rest of the men did. However…
"You can't be serious! You could die in there!" Riel shouted, pointing towards the entrance to the tunnel.
"Lady, no offence, but we're dead anyway," Kardol grinned, his eyes sparkling with the thirst for battle and glory.
"By the Creators…." Riel grumbled, rubbing the bridge of her nose.
"I can see why they follow you, Kardol," Wynne smiled at the dwarf as she approached.
"You seriously can't be in support of this!" exclaimed Riel.
"I may have spent most of life in the Tower, but you do come to learn a few things there. One thing is to never try to win a game of logic against a tranquil. Another is that long robes are sometimes the worst inconveniencing thing ever made,-"
"Wynne…" sighed Riel, rolling her eyes.
"And lastly, never argue with a dwarf when it comes to glory and honor." Wynne smiled and looked over at Kardol. "The men who are able to fight are healed. Those that require the antidote are resting. Morrigan and I have done all we can."
"Good! Get your magic back and we head in. Your golem should take point, followed by archers. When they fall back, is when my warriors will charge, including your giant and that blighted Oghren. You mages should stay back unless you're needed. Uh… that is-" Kardol stopped and looked over to Riel, as if remembering that she was still there. Clearly he was used to be the one taking charge and giving the orders.
Riel sighed. She took charge of one battle so far. Only fair to let Kardol have his turn. "Sounds good to me. The sooner that this is over, the better…"
Kardol smiled broadly and turned to his men, going over the next battle plan. Riel closed her eyes and again wished Zevran was there with her. She missed his laugher and his teasing. The way he disarmed her anger or anxiety with his jokes or just the way he looked at her the way he did. In truth, Riel was surprised at how much she had come to rely on him over these weeks. Even before things got physical between them, he acted as an anchor for her when she left lost or scared. Something to pull her back to reality and remind her that as always - she wasn't alone.
But that wasn't true, was it? She was as alone now as she was when she had walked into Ostagar all those months ago. True, she had allies now. Fighting companions. Those who would to keep her alive. Because she was a Grey Warden. One of two in all of Ferelden. One of only just two people capable of having any chance of defeating this Blight.
Riel looked over to her companions. They were all huddled in with Kardol's men, discussing how they would approach the nest, and somehow get out alive. However Kardol and his men didn't follow her orders because they trusted her. They didn't even know her. To them, Riel was a Grey Warden. To be respected and admired simply for being. It was obvious in the way his men had followed her orders during the last attack. They were not following Riel. The friend, companion, or even ally.
They were following the Grey Warden.
Riel wondered how many of her companions followed her because of that. If they trusted her because of what she was, rather than who she was. Certainly Sten. Perhaps even Shale. Wynne had stated outright that she joined Riel's party to fight against the Blight. Oghren was down here looking for his wife, Branka. It was doubtful he saw her as anything other than a Warden either. By the Void, he even repeatedly called her by her title, just as Sten and Shale always did. She was not "Riel" to them.
She was the female Grey Warden.
Maybe that's why Leliana and Morrigan's betrayal hurt so much, Riel wondered. Riel had felt as if she were finally becoming more than just another Warden. As if she the person she was beyond the title was actually worth something for once. Someone who they trusted because of who she was, not what the taint had turned her into. What was she now though? Was she still their friend? Did friend's drug one another? Lie to them? Use their fragile trust against them?
Riel groaned, the pain in her head resurfacing.
She didn't know who or what to trust anymore. Maybe it was better to just be the Warden. The title that everyone expected. Feelings and wants and friendships only made things complicated. Besides, Riel didn't know how to be friends with people. The only thing she knew how to do was fight. To kill things. And she was good at it. Maybe that's all that she needed to be.
If you lived only to kill your next target, you didn't get your trust betrayed. You didn't get your heart broken. You didn't fall for honey eyes and lying smiles.
She would get the eggs for Zevran and Leliana. She would make sure that they lived. However, where things went after that… Riel didn't know. She just knew that she couldn't live with a broken heart. Better to be a title. A title could be respected. Honored. Just as Kardol's men respected her. Titles lived even on, long after the person who carried them had died.
A person however could be hurt. Abused. And discarded. And when a person died, there was nothing left of them. Nothing that lived on.
Riel wanted to live on. She wanted to be worth something more than just an elf who was lucky enough to have survived. Maybe the only way to never be alone, was to become something that lived on in the minds of others.
Riel was just an elf.
A Grey Warden, however, that was something worth fighting for.
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Vhenan'ara