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Shadow of Destiny: The script of sarcasm	By : Shenai Category: -Misc Video Games/RPGs > Walkthroughs/Hints/Spoilers Views: 1697 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the game that this fanfiction is written for, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 3
- 4
- 5
Disclaimer: Don�t look at me for the Trademark. It ain�t mine and I won�t pretend it is. Though I wish I could.

Note: I don�t know if anyone is enjoying this or not but oh well. It�s 100 or so computer pages of sarcasm that I�ve kept locked away in my Hard Drive for months so I thought I might as well post it. I remind all readers that you are perfectly free to tell me if there�s something in the script I�ve left out that you�d like me to add and I will do so. If there is anyone out there who is enjoying this, then I hope you will continue to do so. ^^ Reviewing is also nice but hey, I�m happy if you give it a rating at least. Booyaka be!

Chapter 3. (Hurray! This is where we meet Homy!)

(Last time in Shadow of Destiny, Eike lost his potential girlfriend 400 years in the past, prevented a tree from ever being planted and met the Konami version of Aeris who he will undoubtedly get paired with in one of the endings. As if the guy hasn�t gone through enough as it is. Anyway, this chapter starts out with Eike getting a very expensive looking antique vase dropped on his head. He falls over, and would you believe it, dies. I know. Who would have thought it?)

(In the Limb.)

MV: (Sounding a tad bit grumpy.) Excuse me... what do you think you�re doing? (As Eike: Uh... dying?) Do something useful. You know, like gathering information... I�d deeply appreciate it if you wouldn�t disappoint me.

(MV gets this chapter�s �Ripping on Annoying Character�s award.� Not that Eike�s really annoying but MV�s so nasty he deserves it anyway. Did I mention that I wanna nibble on his ears?)

(Eike goes flying through the Star Trek wormhole of shiny special effects and the scene reopens to show him walking down the street.)

(Eike on da street.)

(Eike�s phone rings and he stops to answer it. He has the world�s biggest fucking brick phone I have ever seen. I kid you not! It looks like he�s talking into a loaf of bread!)

Voice on Phone: Hello? Eike?

Eike: Oh, Mr. Eckart �

Mr. Eckart: Weren�t you suppose to come around to my museum today? If you�re not, I was thinking about closing up here.

Eike: I�m sorry about that. (He really is too good to be true isn�t he? He�s like a male Tohru! ... OK not that bad.) I�m going to head out there right now.

(Turns phone off and stick�s it back in his pocket. I�m surprised that it fits.)

Eike: That�s right, I was supposed to stop by the museum. I�d better get going...

(So off he goes. Gamer gains control of him so I walk him to the museum without any sidetracks. However, there are some other minor things you can do in this chapter before heading off to see Mr. Eckart. To rehash, you can head back up the road that Eike is currently on and into the Square. To the left of the City Hall is Marie�s Bakery. If you go inside and speak to her she will give Eike a chocolate. This comes in handy later, though it�s not really necessary. In fact, considering where it goes I�d prefer not to get it at all. Not to mention that Eike keeps it in his Inter-dimensional pocket with the Digipad of all things. I�m sure MV would be thrilled to have his �Time Traveling device� handed back to him smeared with chocolate. Anyhoo, that little miss-adventure aside, I turn Eike back onto the right track and head him off towards the Art Museum. Hell, I�m not waiting any longer to see Homy! At the bottom of the hill that heads up to said establishment, Eike can partake in an optional conversation with a middle-aged man who seems to be a failed movie director. Since I don't find this really necessary, I�m going to skip it and head onto more important things. You know what I mean. So instead of stopping for some good old fashioned wangst with �Mr. My-Life-has-gone-by-the-wayside� Eike goes up the Hill and into the Art Museum. Once inside he goes straight ahead through some double doors, through a little sunroom type thing and up some stairs to Mr. Eckart�s office. Let�s get this over and done with.)

(Eike walks toward the door and knocks. Well that�s more polite than just barging in I guess.)

(We now see a few shots inside Mr. Eckart�s office and it seems the guy is cat obsessed because there are furry felines all over the place. We see the man himself petting one of the pussies in his lap as Eike knocks on the door. Yes I did purposefully try to make that sentence sound grotty. Sue me.)

Mr. Eckart: Come in.

(Eike enters.)

Eike: I�m sorry I�m so late.

Mr. Eckart: Well, that�s okay. Here take a seat somewhere.

(I half expect Eike to ask where exactly he should take his seat, but he�s not as dumb as I make him out to be. Instead he sits down in a leather armchair and makes himself right at home. It�s more comfy looking then the exercise ball I�m sitting on at the moment.)

Mr. Eckart: So what can I do for you today? Did you come to see my paintings again? (What a riveting life Eike must lead.)

Eike: No, I mean � that�s what I was going to do of course, but... Hey, Mr. Eckart, do you know anything about alchemy?

Mr. Eckart: Why the sudden interest? Research of some kind?

Eike: Well, not exactly.

Mr. Eckart: Hmm, well, let me see. I�m not really well up on it, but � there was someone notable in this city. A man named Dr. Wagner. (Unfortunately he has been dead for a couple of centuries so it�s not as though this information is very helpful. Go sit in the time out chair, Mr. Eckart.) He was supposed to have been a magician or a scientist or something. I don�t know anything much more than that, though.

Eike: I see. Do you have any documents and things from that time?

Mr. Eckart: I think � wait a second. (He stands up, upending the cat on his lap that bounds away. Mr. Eckart starts foraging through his books on the shelf to his left.)

Mr. Eckart: Hmm... was this the one? (Pulls out a little black book and pats it�s surface. Dust goes flying off.) Whew! Here... I�ll lend this to you.

(He hands the book to Eike who does a little flip of his bangs as he takes it. What this has to do with the script I don�t know but it makes Eike look sexy so it�s worthy of note.)

Eike: (Reading the cover that is decorated with an eerie looking pentagram. A real one, not those phony Star of David ones.) �The Magician of Our city...� (Note: Eike has really hot hands in that shot.)

Mr. Eckart: It�s a fairly old book. Maybe the oldest one here. I think it includes things like stories about real alchemists that worked in this city, recipes for the elixir of youth, even copies of documents from the era. Of course you have to take it with a pinch of salt, maybe a fistful. (I now have images in my head of Eike putting salt on the book and then consuming it.) If there really was an elixir, I�d want it myself. (I�d rather have a Homunculus.) I�ll let you know when I need that book back. (Bends down and picks up one of the cat�s that was rubbing itself hornily against his legs.) By the way, do you like cats? Mine had a litter the other day as you can see...

Eike: Thanks, but no thanks. (Eike does strike me as more of a dog person.)

Mr. Eckart: Okay. But if you have a friend or anyone who wants a kitten, let me know. Are you going straight home today? (Eike has a home?)

Eike: No, I was going to walk around the city some more before going home.

Mr. Eckart: Was?

Eike: It�s nothing, just some personal stuff...

Mr. Eckart: Well, anyway, I have some more work to do, do I�ll keep the place open until I�m done. Feel free to look around. It�s better for the painting�s to be looked at by someone who really appreciates them.

Eike: Thank you, I will.

(Eike leaves the office and closes the door behind him.)

(All right! Now we get to see Homy! Yahoo! Problem is you can�t do that until you�ve had a look at least one picture. Which I did before hand so lets plot progress people! Hold onto you�re parachute pants, cause heeeeeee~eeeeere�s HOMY!!)

(Eike walks down the stairs that lead into the sunroom.)

MV: How are things?

Eike: Who�s there!?

(Starts looking around like a real ninny, whilst ten feet from him, a cool gothic evil impish dude *AKA: Homy* appears from behind a pole in a shifty sort of sequence of red globules. He opens his eyes, (which are red. Come on. You know I have a thing for guys with crimson eyes!) look�s out the corners of them at Eike and snickers to himself. Did I mention that he has pointy ears? Boy I would like to nibble on those...)

Eike: You�re � I�ve heard that voice before.

MV: (Minces out from behind the pole) Of course you have. Do you remember me now? I was the one who saved you. You should be a little more appreciative.

(I just paused the game to write that bit of dialogue down and it stopped on Homy doing this really cute head tilt towards Eike and it sorta looks like he�s, you know, checking him out. That might just be me.)

Eike: What�s going on around here? Who are you?

MV: That�s not very nice. Can�t you be a little more polite? I am Homunculus � not that there�s much in a name. (There is in that name, honey.) I�ve been waiting a long time to see you again. (He is making all these really campy hand gestures�s while he�s speaking and adding that to the girly voice makes him seem like a real Homo. Heh, heh... I made a pun.) I�ve looked for you everywhere... (Walks toward Eike and seems intent on making out with him Oh please. For once, can�t the game designer�s just grant me my wish? I should ask Homy to grant that wish for me; I�m sure he�d be more then happy to oblige.) By the way, are you using the Digipad? (This is really good Yaoi material.)

Eike: Have you come here to kill me?

Homunculus: Hmm? (God he is SO cute!) I think you misunderstand. I�m only trying to help you � certainly not murder you. It�s just that I don�t know how to give you any direct help, and that�s the truth. (Looks around a bit like he�s just snagged a puff on his Genie Bong. Still, he manages to look cute whilst doing it.)

Eike: (Clutching his head. Sorry, not Homy�s. Don�t get too excited.) I think I�m going out of my mind.

Homunculus: (Sounding a little annoyed.) I can�t seem to convince you, can I? This is really very difficult.

(The gamer gets two choices here. You can make Eike either excuse himself from the conversation or ask Homunculus to �demonstrate� his powers as proof. As delightful as that last one sounds the first option is much more satisfying, as it involves Eike touching Homy. Guess which one I pick?)

(Eike has a little tantee, pushes Homunculus gently out of his way and walks toward the door like he has one major wedgie.)

Homunculus: (Looking really sexual, but also looking like he has boobs. *Sweat drops*) My, my. (Shakes his head. No not his boobs.)

(Eike walks out the door, predictably gets clunked on the head by the vase and dies. Homy laughs at him. Oh wait, that was me.)

(Back in Homy�s swinging Limbo Pad of love. Yeah, baby, yeah!)

Homunculus: Dear, dear, looks like you got killed again. All right then, since we�re here, let�s try out my powers a little, shall we? (So he does get to demonstrate after all! Oh my could the images in my head get any more... hold on one minute.)

INTERLUDE.

(All right, now that I�ve stopped that nosebleed I�ll get back to the script.)

(Eike goes flying through the rabbit hole and ends up in Zion with the white rabbit. Okay not really, he ends up outside the museum, only twenty years into the past. He stands there doing the look around thing again not noticing that some young dude with glasses and a weirdo haircut HAS JUST SEEN HIM MATERIALIZE OUT OF THIN AIR.)

Weirdo Haircut dude: Am I seeing things...? Did that man...?

(Another dude bursts out of the mansion doors apparently pleased as punch about something.)

Mansion Dude: Hooray - ! *Whoops* (Runs out infront of the mansion and starts jigging around on the front lawn like a pissed Nana at a teen social. See Eike? This is what happens when you upset Homy. You get punished.)

Mansion Dude: (Finally noticing Eike.) Oh, gosh, didn�t realize anyone was out here. Sorry about yelling and everything.

Eike: It�s OK � don�t worry about it.

Mansion Dude: You see, my wife finally had our baby, so you can imagine - ! (Yes, I�m sure Eike�s had plenty of babies in his time.) And it�s a girl too! The hospital just called me.

Eike: Wow. Congratulations. (Says Eike not giving a shit.) Do you � work at this museum?

Mansion Dude: (As the Mansion Dude: �No I just ran out the doors in the middle of the night because I was robbing the place.� Now that would be funny to hear.) Oh, I�m sorry. My name is Eckart. I�ve just taken over from my father as the director of this museum.

Eike: What!? You�re Mr. Eckart?

Young Mr. Eckart: Yes � is there anything I can do for you?

Eike: N-no, nothing.

Young Mr. Eckart: Wait, what am I doing. I have to think about what we�re going to call her. Great to meet you, bye! (Runs back inside.)

(The Digipad bleeps from Eike�s pocket. He pulls it out and tries to operate it, but it doesn�t work.)

Eike: The Digipad � it doesn�t work!

Homunculus (Disembodied.): (Meaning, just his voice obviously.) Well, how about that? Just a small example of what I can do. How WILL you get home now? You�d better solve that on your own. You should be able to handle a little thing like that Eike. (I love him.)

Eike: What am I � what am I supposed to do? There used to be something in here. If I get some --? (If he �gets some?� Lets not go into that.)

(The energy units from the Digipad are gone. Eike must now search the city to find some more in order for the Digipad to work. The easiest one to find is up the far-left road from the mansion. Just head up towards the Photo shop and you should find it perched on a small set of stairs. Energy units must be a pretty common thing in this town, because I don�t see many people stopping and going; "Holy SHIT!! Look at that glowing green stone, I�m gonna have me that!" All that aside, Eike picks up the energy unit and the Digipad starts glowing excitedly from his pocket. He pulls it out and looks at it.)

Eike: Now I can get back...

(Eike goes back to the present and is plonked back down into the museum. He barely has time to recover before he is set on by Homunculus, who seems extra keen to get into his pants by the time the game is over.)

Homunculus: Well, what do you think? (I think you�re hot.) Are you a little more convinced? (Need I mention that he said that last word in a really pervy way?)

(Eike notices and runs back up the stairs away from the yaoi-tastic genie.)

Homunculus: *Shakes his head. NO NOT HIS BOOBS!! God you�re sick.* Dear, dear...

(The Eike runs away from Yaoi genie and into the relative safety of Mr. Eckart�s office scene: I�ll let you guess what happens in this scene.)

(The camera does a not so subtle pan up from a vase sitting on a table beside Mr. Eckart who is staring out the window. Akito, my Fruits Basket ~~captive~~ ~~roomie~~ assistant scriptwriter says he does a terrible job of it. He says he doesn�t look nearly depressed enough.)

(There is a knock on the door.)

Mr. Eckart: Come in. Is that you, Eike?

Eike: (Opens the door and enters) Can I ask you something?

Mr. Eckart: Yes?

Eike: (�Are you aware you have a gay genie running around downstairs?� OK, sorry that was me.) Mr. Eckart, do you have a daughter?

(Mr. Eckart jumps in alarm and knocks over the vase. It shatters to pieces on the floor and the cats go ape shit.)

Eike: Oh!

(Because Eike is so nice he immediately runs over and starts picking up the shattered piece�s of the vase. What a big softy! I do prefer Homy though for some small reason that escapes me... Oh, yeah. He�s sexual. How could I forget?)

Mr. Eckart: I-It�s all right. I�ll take care of it later...

Eike: I�m sorry.

Mr. Eckart: I didn�t think I ever mentioned my daughter to you.

Eike: (Pauses in his cleanup.) Well, no...

(There is a slow pan around the office showing all the cats coming out of hiding. What relevance this has on the plot I don�t know but who cares? HOMY IS DOWNSTAIRS. Where is Eike? UPSTAIRS. Am I the only one who sees the complete lunacy in this situation?)

Mr. Eckart: (Looking back out the window.) I do have a daughter. Or rather, I did. She was taken by some � madman, right after she was born... My wife was killed in the same attack. Does that answer your question?

Eike: (Putting the shards he collected on the table.) I�m sorry. I had no idea.

Mr. Eckart: It�s okay. Don�t worry about it.

Eike: I�m so sorry. (Ouch! Guy just gave me a cavity.)

(Eike leaves the office looking sad and hot whilst Eckart stares out the window remorsefully. �Amateur!� Akito just scoffed.)

Mr. Eckart: Goddammit... (Scuffs his foot in the vase entrails on the floor.)

(Next scene: Eike faces his imminent molestation.)

(Eike goes down the stairs but this time only descends half way. He�s keeping some distance between him and Homy. Speaking of which, the hunky peace of Homo meat himself is leaning against one of the poles, shrouded by shadow. I think I love him even more. If there�s such a thing as more then infinity.)

Homunculus: Any luck? Well? (He still sounds campy.)

Eike: O.K. I�ll believe you. For now. And I�m grateful that you gave me another chance at life. (If you could have only heard the way he said that last line. He sounded like a little boy whose parents were making him apologize to a teacher for being a smart-ass. It didn�t fool me. Homy however seems satisfied. I imagine he is satisfied very easily.)

Homunculus: Mmmhmm. (That actually isn�t on the subtitles but its a noise he makes a lot.) Now we�re talking. (Makes a sudden dash towards Eike. Okay, I just pissed myself laughing. I paused it to write down the dialogue whilst he was running, and it�s stopped with Homunculus dashing forward with both arms outstretched, like some fucking extra from Baywatch. You�d have to see it to believe it.) Well, I�m really counting on you. If you die, I�ll be in trouble too, you know.

Eike: I don�t really get it, but are you sure about this? I mean, I can�t really do anything except for myself.

Homunculus: But that�s all right, it�s the way things should be. As you can see, my body is very fragile and won�t let me do much. (Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.) I picked up a baby the other day (No Pedophilic Priest jokes anyone.) and it was really quite terrible. Absolutely exhausted me... I won�t ever do that again.

(Once more I need a new change of pants. I�ve got simply the best screenshot of Homy, ever. He�s striking this really flirty looking pose, tilting his head, smiling and looking out the corner�s of his eyes at Eike in a pre-wink kind of way. Oh it is priceless! Where�s a camera when I need one?!) So, because of all that, I can only provide you with some backup aid. (Back up? I�m sure that Homy is thrilled at the prospect of giving Eike �Back up�.) Oh, I almost forgot. You will see that red stone again sometime. When you do, could you acquire it somehow? I would like you to give it to someone called Dr. Wagner. That�s all for now. I�ll be seeing you.

(Homy steps behind the pole and shifts out again. Eike quickly runs down the stairs suddenly realizing that he would be crazy not to do him on the spot, but it�s too late. He�s gone. You�ve missed your chance Eike. I hate you. You hear me? I hate you.)

Eike: (Looks around.) What on earth is going on around here...

(I�ll tell you what Eike. You have just met the most divine genie around and you didn�t do him. I. Hate. You.)

(End chapter 3.)

Now that Homy has entered the stage things can only get better from here on in right? You would think so. Join me next time as Eike gavumphs his way through the early 1900�s where Black and White is in and a little girl does to our naive hero what many a fangirl has wanted to do since Eike first graced our screens in 2001. Stay tuned!

Additional note: All Shadow of Destiny fans who read this, find it in your hearts to help me figure something out. The greatest question of all time that has been poking at my brain since the first time I played this game. Does Homunculus have boobs? I am prepared to start up a survey about this, so anyone with his or her opinion on this question/statement/whatever feel free to voice it. When I finish with this fic I�ll put up the opinions along with the final chapter/epilogue thingy. It�s been driving me crazy though and I just can�t seem to settle on an answer! Help me out!

NaPap.
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Shadow of Destiny: The script of sarcasm