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Fate and Fear MST	By : Birdie Category: +A through F > Devil May Cry Views: 3879 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Devil May Cry game series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Dante: Vergil! Veeerrrggeee! I've found your bucket!! *holds up what looks like an over-large sand bucket with a chibi-Sparda on the front*

Vergil: *stumbling in* about fucking time too... *grabs bucket and vomits heavily*

Dante: *taking Vergil into his arms* how are you feeling?

Vergil: let's just say "I fear my dentist may think I'm bulimic".

Dante: *rocks Vergil gently* poor Verge...

Fate and Fear3.5

By Christine

MST by Vergil and Dante Sparda

//" If you really want to thank me then..."//

Sparda twins: die.

//Dante stopped to think for a moment, letting his eyes wander around the room,//

Dante: hmmm... so many torture instruments, so little time...

//his boots clicking against the cobblestone as he slowly walked ahead,//

Vergil: YES! Cobblestone! NOT concrete!!

//feeling the cool draft of the castle against his face.//

Vergil: (as Dante) ah CRAP! A fly just went into my eyes!

//" Then you can join me. I could use a bit of help.."//

Dante: Christianna would make an excellent target practice.

//He drifted off.//

Dante: then again, I could use her to sharpen Force Edge...

//Help? Since when did he need help!?//

Vergil: high school chemistry lesson when he accidentally killed the teacher and had to cover his tracks.

Dante: *grumbles* how was I to know arsenic was POISONOUS...

//He was the strongest man he knew of,//

Dante: save steroid-addicted bodybuilders.

Vergil: and Vergil.

//but needing help from a mere girl that he just had to save?//

Vergil: *sighs* life's full of mysteries.

Dante: and incoherence.

//That was ludicrous.//

Vergil: (Texas accent) it sure is, boy!

Dante: (to plot) no, YOU'RE the one that's ludicrous.

Vergil: this bint can spell "ludicrous" but not "didn't"?!

//He knew though, in the back of his mind he knew that it wasn't her help he was after.//

Vergil: he secretly wanted to make her into stew.

//" H-help you? But how? I dont' even have a--"//

Vergil: elementary school level of grammar.

//She was cut short as Dante lashed out Ebony and Ivory, and//

Dante: fired multiple rounds into her skull.

Vergil: and thus she died.

Sparda twins: yay!

//tossed them to her.//

Vergil: Christianna, in her usual incompetence, failed to catch the guns. They hit her over the head, and she internally bled to death.

//She clumsily caught the steel weapons, accidentalyl droping one.//

Dante: I can remember how mom got so mad at us when we accidentalyl droped things. Ah, the good old days...

//" Oops!" She slowly bent over to pick one up. Her cleavage slightly showing from her lace-down gothic garb.//

Sparda twins: GYAAH! SHIELD YOUR EYES!! >_<

Vergil: does this author have no self-respect?! She's putting herself in this story as a complete SLUT! >_<

Dante: young teens, they just need to release their sexual suppression. >_<

//Dante just...//

Vergil: threw up.

Dante: stabbed her.

//stared at her wide-eyed, mouth opened, drool trickling from the sides of his mouth.//

Vergil: knew it, turned cannibal... *sighs*

//Christine stood up again, holding both of the guns, looking over them curiously.//

Vergil: (as Christianna) whatcha' do with this, Mister Dante?

Dante: (as himself) well, you cock it, put it in your mouth, and pull the trigger!

//He didn't know why he had given his most prized weapons to this girl who probably didn't even know how to use them.//

Vergil: Dante's loosing brain cells due to Mary Sue overexposure! My poor little brother... *hugs Dante*

//< Why did I DO THAT!?!?> Dante cursed himself in his mind. < Those were my guns. MY GUNS!>//

Vergil: *sighs* I didn't know short-term amnesia runs in the family?

Dante: dad's side.

Vergil: ALL mental illnesses seem to be "dad's side".

//He just sighed and equiped his shotgun, firing off one round to make sure it was loaded.//

Dante: loaded with bullets but not the helpful, extra "p".

//That scared the crap out of the poor girl.//

Sparda twins: ugh!!! XP

Vergil: dirty in BOTH senses now...

//" AAAH! " She shrieked, thrusting out her arms and firing the guns rapidly, not watching her aim.//

Dante: or her soiled mini-skirt...

Vergil: *hits Dante* and Christianna soon became her own aim, she fired 20 bullets into her chest and died.

//" GEEZUZ CHRIST!!" Dante shouted,//

Vergil: Blasphemy! Thou shalt not write The Lord's name wrong! *slaps Dante*

Dante: "The Lord"?! Vergil, what's got into you!?

Vergil: you're turning Christian and I need an excuse to get violent.

Dante: *mumbles darkly* you never needed one before...

//dodging the//

Dante: comet-sized amounts of OOC

//bullets, sidestepping a few times each second.//

Dante: *sings* #come and do the locomotion with me! #

//The girl had her eyes tightly closed and teeth clenched tight,//

Vergil: and all her facial features became a smooth, round ball.

//as her fingers wouldn't stop hammering onto the triggers.//

Vergil: she probably gets sexual release out of it, the dirty little thing.

//Suddenly the loud banging of the guns stopped,//

Dante: Dante stuck Alastor into her spine to get to her to FUCKING STOP SHOOTING!

//the smoke cloud disapearing.//

Vergil: drifting off to the CCWWEP.

Dante: CCWWP?

Vergil: Crisis Centre for Words Without Enough Ps. Equiped is there too.

//She opened her eyes, only to notice Dante, standing in the midst of things, one leg lifted in the air and his arms outstretched, blocking.//

Dante: o_O why am I blocking with OUTSTRETCHED arms?

Vergil: O_o why are you randomly doing TAI CHAI?

Sparda twins: some things are better left unanswered...

//She looked around the room once more, most of the paintings were now ruined, splattered with//

Dante: paint?

Vergil: Christianna's own blood?

//holes.//

Dante: that too.

Vergil: her aim must be worse than crap if the bullets hit the WALLS.

//The statues seemed to be invalids now, most of the arms, legs, and heads blown off.//

Dante: discrimination against statues! How dare you assume objects without arms, legs or heads are invalid!?

Vergil: a statue in the Hell with organs missing got sold for 2.8 million red orbs. It was EXCEEDINGLY valid.

Dante: cool! Which one was that?

Vergil: the one where Cerberus mistook Mundus' penis for a sausage. You fill in the blanks.

//The walls were crumbling from most of the stone being chipped off.//

Dante: dude! This one, CRAPPY castle! What is it made out of?!

Vergil: dust. *nods to chapter one*

//The curtains on the small windows were ripped and torn, several of them on fire.//

Sparda twins: *stares*

Dante: when did BULLETS ever set things alight?!

Vergil: when Christine got herself a computer and started to write this monstrosity of a... words fail me.

//Stained glass and chipits of rock were scattered accross the floor, making a crunching sound as//

Vergil: they mourned their misspelled existence.

//Dante put his foot down on the ground again.//

Vergil: (as Dante) nothing soothes a death-attempt like meditation.

//He just stared at her wide eyed.//

Dante: the unwanted return of the manga-eyes!

//Sure this girl didn't have the best of aim//

Sparda twins: no shit, Sherlock. Understatement of the millennia.

//but...those reflexes sure could come in handy when he needed it most.//

Dante: why the hell would I need her reflexes?!

Vergil: *pinches Dante's arse*

Dante: --ooh! *immediately pounces on Vergil*

:: insert a good 20 minutes of whatever you desire ::

Vergil: *looks VERY content*

Dante: *equally satisfied* Mmm... okay, I take that back. Reflexes GOOD...

//" WOAH there.//

Dante: *calling* which way to the nearest mental institution? I have an escapee! *grabs Christianna*

//Are you sure you're not too dangerous with those things? " He chuckled, staring at the girl quizically.//

Vergil: speaking more about the dangers of her butchering the English language than firing a gun.

//Christine dropped the guns, hearing the loud clank as they hit the stone floor.//

Vergil: but alas! the safety was off and the two pistols shot her in the heart.

Dante: that's impossible.

Vergil: *dryly* so is being able to kiss your own arse but you seem to do it all the time.

Dante: *flips hair* I'm just so great!

//Her hands stopped trembling as she let her hands cup over her mouth, her face getting hot,//

Dante: there was poison on Ebony and Ivory's triggers, her skin will soon melt, and dribble down her face unappealingly.

Vergil: this is why smart people wear GLOVES.

//blushing as she looked at Dante.//

Dante: (as Christianna) omg, please don't kill me just because my entire inane existence is to arounse console characters!

Vergil: (as Dante) don't worry, my desire to see your corpse remains the same... VERY HIGH!!

//" Hahaha! Just look at the mess you've made missy! " He laughed, pointing out everything in the hallway,//

Dante: i.e. Nothing.

//which was now either unuseable or utterly destroyed.//

Vergil: but in the beginning they were dumpster-worthy and cannot be sold for more than half a cent anyway.

//"...oops."//

Sparda twins: *sings* #oops, I did it again... #

Vergil: *ashamed* oh, how we have FALLEN...

Dante: but admit it, bro. That was inevitable.

//Was all that squeaked out of her mouth as she put the guns underneath her//

Dante: COUGH-COUGH-COUGH!!

Vergil: *thwacks Dante* Bad boy! No het! >.<

//belt as she tapped one of them with her finger.//

Dante: is it just me or were the guns on the floor a few sentences ago?

Vergil: *dangerous voice* is it just me or this fic so bad I can decapitate what's in front of me without feeling guilt?

Dante: sorry Verge. ;_;

//" These aren't all that bad you know...but I would have preffered something more//

Vergil: correctly spelled?

Dante: self-destructing?

//...explosive." She admitted.//

Dante: what if I fire a grenade launcher at you?

//Honestly, Christine liked the feel of having a gun. Two actually.//

Vergil: if only she had two brain-cells too...

//Being able to protect herself.//

Dante: don't 14 year olds have mace or something?

Vergil: aww... which girl rejected you this time?

Dante: *darkly* it wasn't a 14 year old GIRL...

//The feeling of cold steel slipping through her fingers,//

Dante: how about if I stabbed you with a sword?

//the force that almost knocked her back everytime she fired, and the loud banging that echoed through her head each time a round was shot.//

Dante: oh boy, I think she's going to be replacing her addiction to weed with shooting.

Vergil: a cotton candy silk mouse with two guns and eye-windows, that'll be a sight for the Hell's Freak Circus...

//" EXPLOSIVE??" He honked,//

Vergil: -_- excellent, I have a CAR for a brother...

//imagining the damage she would do with something like a grenade launcher.//

Dante: it won't be worse to the damage she's done to our minds and sexuality.

//The thought almost made poor Dante nervous.//

Dante: yes! Poor Dante! Vergil, comfort me!

Vergil: *hugs Dante*

Dante: -^_^-

//" I think I'll leave that untill you're more experienced.."//

Vergil: with the proper way to spell "until".

//He managed to choke out.//

Vergil: the Christianna overexposure was closing his throat like an allergy attack.

//He looked at her once more.//

Dante: through a mirror-shield, lest her face turned him into stone.

//The fishnet stocking sure did complement those sexy legs of hers nicely,//

Vergil: my my, aren't we egotistical...

Dante: that sentence sure did make me wanna commit genocide, man!

//and the double slit knee high skirt looked good on her,//

Dante: I thought she wore a mini-skirt...

Vergil: it depends on your definition of "mini". Besides, fourteen year olds are never that coherent.

//so did the combat boots. Dante thought something dirty.//

Vergil: hopefully related to the mud under her combat boots. *glares*

Dante: or maybe about the time she shitted herself...

//If she could just bend over enough, he'd get a good panty shot. Oooh, that made him horny.//

Sparda twins: O_O *hyperventilates*

Dante: panty shot... with a KNEE HIGH SKIRT...?!

Vergil: Dante... *huffs* bucket...?

Dante: oh... I don't think... *puffs* throwing up will help THIS time.

//Her large breasts, purfectly cupped//

Dante: *nuzzles against Vergil* puuuuuurrrrr... ^_^

Vergil: Dante being all fuzzy, the best treatment of all. *nuzzles back*

//with that lace-down gothic shirt, and the bell sleeves looked marvelous.//

Vergil: her BELL SLEEVES look marvelous? You're loosing your ogling-pervert side quite quickly, little brother.

Dante: are you complaining?

Vergil: not a single bit.

//Her metallic light purple lips shimmered in the light,//

Dante: FREAK!! O_O BRUISED LIPS!!

Vergil: oh please, Lady had two different coloured eyes and you didn't turn an eyelid.

//as well as her honey golden hair.//

Dante: I thought it was cinnamon brown...

Vergil: *hits Dante*

//Her eyes though, oh her eyes.//

Dante: THE EVIL WINDOWS!!! I'M BLIND!!

//He could just drown in them.//

Vergil: great, another way to die from Christianna exposure...

//" Well shall we get going? " Christine smirked,//

Dante: (Christianna) let us trek across dangerous grounds in search for the missing comma!

//walking past Dante, her chin high in the air, and her chest puffed out.//

Vergil: the mouse is now a BALLOON!! Will the confusion never end?!

//Her shoes made a crunching sound against the debris.//

Vergil: and her sentences were short and pointless.

//"......" Dante was speechless again,//

Vergil: another miracle more amazing than sliced bread.

//as he looked over her once more.//

Dante: before his sanity was crushed beyond repair.

//Wow!//

Dante: (Valley-girl) like, oh my GAWD! Lol!

Vergil: *slaps Dante again* BLASPHEMY!

//He'd never met anyone as...//

Dante: murder-worthy?

Vergil: perverse?

Dante: slutty?

Vergil: just plain and simply WRONG?

//unique as this girl.//

Vergil: ...I suppose in a way she is...

//Such an intriguing personality,//

Dante: only matched by a brick.

//a wonderful smile...//

Dante: it made me want to throw up.

//and a...a//

Vergil: gun arm?

Dante: cat tail?

Vergil: PENIS?

//TONGUE RING?//

Vergil: *sarcastically* ooh! REBEL! You have a tongue ring at the age of 14, you're like, da bitch, man!

//Didn't she just...french him?//

Dante: *sarcastically* oh yes, "french" him! That's like, soooooo mature of you! Jeez...

Vergil: what's to say this author is not actually 14, but 10. And she thinks pierced tongues and leather shirts, deyed black are cool?

Dante: I'm with you on that one, bro.

//The thought made him shiver with//

Sparda twins: disgust. *shudders*

//pleasure.//

Vergil: the pleasure of murder.

Dante: or sadomasochism.

//He followed closely behind her, ready to draw his sword from his sheath from any sign of trouble.//

Dante: trouble, that is, not including any mortal harm to Christianna.

//All he could say repeatedly under his breath was...//

Sparda twins: (as Dante) go home, shag Vergil, hire therapist. Go home, shag Vergil, hire therapist...

//" What a woman......"//

Dante: ...which is why I'm sticking with men!!

*30 second pause*

Dante: Vergil... *cries*

Vergil: Dante! What's wrong?

Dante: why am I in such shite?! What have I done to deserve this?!

Vergil: *holds tongue* ............

Dante: ohhhh... I feel so depressed... I want mom...

Vergil: *sighs* mother's not here at the moment. But shall I make you some hot chocolate and put you to bed?

Dante: like she use to? That would be great! -^_^- but Verge, it wouldn't be like you at all...

Vergil: yes, well, big brothers have to take responsibility (damn that law of nature...). Besides, I think EVERYONE has been acting out of character today. Damn that fic. We'll leave Birdie to answer the reviews.

Birdie: thanks Vergil-sama. -_- have fun making hot beverages for Dante-kun.

Vergil: *whispers* oh, I think there will be different types of "hot beverages" tonight...

*the Sparda twins leave to lick each other wounds, however literally you want to take that*

Birdie: oh dear, it seems like BOTH of them have caught the OOC 'flu. Well, nothing that bed rest and exercise can't cure. On with the reviews...

JT: another update! I hope you liked this one equally as much, because I'm not too pleased with the middle section... have a nice day anyway!

Cidsa: *lowers head in shame* honestly, I never actually read the description properly. I just clicked on the fic and screamed in horror. -_- there ARE many good reasons why we should ban kids from the internet, but if that was the case, I would have no idea what yaoi was.

Confused fan: oh good, I'm glad everything is cleared up. ^_^ yes, I am being mean, but don't you think she deserves it? I even think she might appreciate the humour. Thanks for reading!

Xeora: I'm not the type to just add sex in, I like everything to fit in and tie together. Besides, I think the dear boys are too traumatised. But for you, a very sappy scene at the end thanks to the OOC 'flu. Hope you liked it!

Kamisori: *sighs* this Mary Sue is only hilarious because of the MST. If you read the original, she'd be equally as evil and your eyes will bleed. But I'm glad you enjoyed the MST. Thanks for reading!

Corenn: "like a crazy rabbit"? That's ... unheard of... You're certainly energetic! Still haven't got off the sugar high from last time? ^_^ nah, it's very amusing. Thank you for reviewing!

Aya: ooh! You sent to your friends too? I feel very honoured! ^_^ yes, incest good, though probably not in real life (biologically speaking anyway). Paedophilia... iffy but I really don't mind shota in mangas. Well, you've read the next part! Have a nice day!

Just out of interest, does it state in "wacko_dante" 's earlier fics that Dante has a pieced cock? I couldn't quite work it out... anyway, even if he did or didn't Dante is still cooler beyond compare to Christianna, and "wacko_dante" writes amazing DMC fics. Go read them.
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Fate and Fear MST