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Heart and Soul	By : wickedorin Category: Kingdom Hearts > Slash/Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 3499 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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"Heart and Soul" and the general wrongness
that is "Heart and Soul" are completely copyright Orin Drake 2006.
Square-Enix and Disney own Kingdom Hearts, Kingdom Hearts 2 and the characters
contained within... but I wish I did. I wish a lot of things, though.
I wish donuts fell from the sky on occasion. But not all the time,
'cause that'd kinda suck.

        "Warning"
before reading: Okay, this definitely has spoilers for Kingdom
Hearts 2. And chances are... you probably know what's coming,
so... it's okay. Everything's gonna be okay. Just so everyone
knows, there will be a "bonus" epilogue very soon.

Heart and Soul: Fate

by Orin Drake

        It
was like any other mission card received from Xigbar--handed over with
a whap on the shoulder and a big grin, while Demyx rolled his eyes and
tried not to groan too loudly. Yeah, great. Another mission.
Why couldn't he get missions to just explore worlds that had good music?
Or at the very least decent food. He didn't bother to so much as
glance at the card until he was halfway down the hall.

        He
stopped short. Absolutely motionless. "Uh..." He turned,
calling to Xigbar's retreating back, "You're sending the wrong guy!"

        The
freeshooter didn't even bother to turn around. He'd heard it all
before. "Orders are orders."

        "But
you're most definitely,
without a doubt, totally sending
the wrong guy!" he insisted with desperation.

        Xigbar
only scoffed, disappearing through the door at the end of the hall.

        Axel
was never hard to find, really. Not unless he really intended
to be, which was usually far too boring for the redhead. Often times
he would be spying on Sora, or out on some "task" that didn't involve a
mission and he'd never elaborate on, but... usually, he would be in the
alleys. Practicing. Fighting. Dancing, with his weapons,
with fire, as if it could all make him forget.

        Things
had happened, though. Over the past few weeks, Demyx and Axel had
fallen into a comfortable companionship... though mostly in passing.
The blonde had seen the fire mage less and less, and the worry of him disappearing
altogether was almost too much to bear. Axel was the only one...

        Maybe
it was luck. Maybe it was fate. The musician had just turned
around to go back to the castle, having roamed the streets of the World
That Never Was for hours only to find--

        "Hey,
Demyx." A nearly friendly call, stepping out from a dark gateway
of his own creation. Axel's grin was a lot more subtle than it had
been, weeks prior... but that could have been the play of firelight against
his skin when he ignited a chakram and tossed it casually into the air.
Turning and catching the weapon without the need to give it a second glance,
he looked to be at perfect ease.

        Or
would have, to most. The blonde only felt his stomach tense as he
held the small, unforced smile in place. Regardless of knowing something
was "off", he couldn't help but be glad to see the pyro. He just...
he needed it, before... "Hey, Axel."

        The
firestarter was no idiot, either; he knew something was "off" just as much
with the musician... though he wasn't quite willing to ask again.
Besides, he... hadn't come back to ask. He'd returned to find Demyx,
to... well, he... Things he'd done. Things he'd become.
With Roxas, and without. And the stuff with Kairi... it was time
to leave. Maybe Roxas had been right all along.

        The
blond realized it, then, stopping with a sudden jolt a few feet away.
Axel had come back to say good-bye. And he... he wondered if he wasn't
there to do the same thing. "I... I have orders." He finally
managed, stepping closer and swallowing hard as he pulled the written orders
from his pocket. "To kill Sora."

        Axel
stared at the card... but couldn't find it in himself to reach for it.
Numb horror filled him, weighing him down. The useless mission.
The death sentence veiled in a noble command.

        Silence
passed between them, made even more empty by the rare lack of rain.
Neither set of eyes could find the strength to lift from the ground--the
finality of it all was a tangible, heavy burden. Regardless of what
was to follow... this, what and where and how they were right then and
there... was over.

        Completely
and sincerely tender. Demyx didn't even feel the ungloved hand against
his cheek at first, its touch so perfectly delicate; until it pressed a
little more, tilting his head and--

        The
gentle kiss seemed to have surprised the initiator as much as the boy on
the receiving end. Even so, it was light, careful... quick and yet
lingering. It was... their proof. Even if no one else
would ever believe.

        Nothing
was said. The silence was by far more profound than anything that
could have been spoken. They nodded to one another... then parted
ways through the darkness.

        Demyx
sat waiting on a low cliff, watching the Heartless gather around Hollow
Bastion. He knew Sora would come, passing through just underneath
him on his way to being a hero. The Nobody knew that he wouldn't
be recognized... and a battle would follow.

        He
was... he was afraid, dammit. Afraid to live, afraid to die--because
neither would be honest anymore. He wasn't alive or dead...
he wasn't even supposed to exist--but he did exist, somehow.
He was real in some sense, they all were... No one knew what
happened to a Nobody, after... Well, Xemnas certainly had his own
ideas. But, even if no one was willing to say it... they all had
their concerns. One learned quickly not to voice such things, though.

        He
just didn't see the point in killing Sora. Roxas hadn't betrayed
anyone... he only went out to do what they all wanted so badly: to find
his heart. Just because the kid had the unfair advantage of actually
being able to find his whole heart...

        Demyx
sighed and summoned his sitar, strumming a few, quiet notes. He envied
Axel for having the strength to leave. Yeah, there was a chance Saix
would catch him, but... he truly doubted the berserker would ever get the
chance. Axel was crafty, and strong, and... and when he had a goal
in mind, there was no stopping him. Demyx just... wished he could
be the same way. Wished he weren't so damn afraid.

        He
could abandon the Organization, too. He knew that. It probably
wouldn't be terribly expected of him, and so he might even get away with
it. Find Axel, run and try to exist elsewhere... but... To
be truly honest with himself, he wasn't sure he wanted to live as a Nobody
any longer. Wouldn't it just... wouldn't it be better to... die,
rather than live as a shell? They somehow still had hearts, yes,
he honestly believed that, but... there was still so much missing.
He was half himself at best. He'd lost half of his very meaning.
A half that clearly could not be obtained no matter the time and effort
spent trying.

        The
thought of not existing anymore at all, though... it scared him.
Truly, he wanted nothing more than to find something after all of
the pain, the fighting. Heaven would be preferable... but he wondered,
with a quiet humming along of a few chords repeated over and over, if Hell
was just as likely.

        It
was all a state of mind, he told himself. Heaven or hell... was all
in how you viewed it, the condition of your soul when you died...
But, when had he died? Was he dead? Was he in
Hell? There were times when he wondered... And... did he even
have a soul any longer..? Was he even capable of having a
state of mind?

        Maybe
it didn't matter, really. He hadn't lived long as a Nobody, compared
to so many of the others... but it was already getting unbearable.
Cracks had formed, clearly... he simply wasn't sure if--

        It
didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore. There, below him,
was the Keyblade Master. And one thing was certain: win or lose,
he was not getting turned into a Dusk.

        It
was slightly unfortunate that he'd never really gotten used to using the
tunnels of darkness. Really, if he hadn't been so utterly disoriented,
he might have made a more fearsome entrance. Considering he arrived
not only closer to Sora and his battle-ready pals, but forgot to look decently
frightening as well... it just didn't really work. So he tried the
only tactic that came to mind--being friendly. "Hey. You guys
are looking lively."

        And
what did he get out of that? A duck, yelled at him.
And Sora called him a wimp!

        Well,
it wasn't like he was unused to that kind of treatment, but still!
Demyx did what he could to slough it off, going instead for a scare tactic--ninja
skills. Very unsuccessful ones, it appeared.

        Then
the kid had the nerve to insult his fighting ability. Not to mention
the duck being bitchy and everything... geez, how rude. The musician
almost felt like he was reminding a group of little kids or something,
"You shouldn't judge anyone by appearance."

        That
certainly didn't work. It only seemed to make the Keyblade Master
and his weird animal companions more intent on fighting... and fighting
was not something Demyx appreciated. Even as he was trying his damnedest
not to run the hell away, he mumbled to himself, "I told them they were
sending the wrong guy..."

        But
when Sora insisted that Nobodies didn't have hearts... that got the blond
to turn back. Roxas was in there somewhere... even if he couldn't
appeal to Sora, perhaps... "Oh, we do too have hearts! Don't
be mad."

        That
duck again. That damn duck. How dare the foul imply
that Demyx would ever try to trick Roxas! They didn't
understand, they just couldn't understand! Would they ever be able
to comprehend not one but two existences crumbling down around them,
each time reaching out and finding no hands to grasp because everyone else
was just as helpless, just as broken and unsure?! Would they ever
know the tearing not-quite-heartache of not being whole, desperate to be
filled and yet brimming with harshness and memory and overwhelming things
that no one should ever have to try and understand?! Who were they,
ever, to be so callous?

        Even
though he knew it was Sora ready to fight him, even though the boy
was clearly a completely unique identity... he could see Roxas in those
eyes. Could almost hear Roxas' voice even in the words, the intonation...

        And
then the reality of the unreal truly, thoroughly, hit. There was
nothing Demyx could do to save any of them from the impending battle.
No matter what he tried, regardless of the choices before him at that very
moment... his fate was already decided. The time to change it had
passed without so much as a whisper of warning. He felt... so helpless.
Powerless. And, really, to make things even worse... maybe he didn't
even exist. Maybe... his heart was only an illusion.

        Anger.
Vile, hateful
rage. Had he been in a stable frame of mind,
he'd have used that to prove it--prove they had hearts, that he
could feel, but... too far. Too little. Much, much too
late.

        So.
Maybe Roxas wasn't there anymore. He was just as nonexistent
as the rest of them. Fine. "Silence, traitor."

        More
than a battle--what happened between them was war. The musician
seemed to forget about having been a pacifist, unleashing every thread
of power and potential that had made his heart strong to begin with.
He hadn't the presence of mind to realize how twisted his principles had
become--Sora was The Enemy, and that was all he knew.

        Move
for move matched; more than exchanging hits, it was brutal beating for
brutal beating before either broke away. Using music for violence...
Demyx should have been horrified.

        The
horror finally came with a gasping, wet cry of pain--Sora's. Something
had been broken in his chest from the impact of the sitar, and that realization
was what finally made the blond cringe. The rest was too quick, too
fast to understand. Cure spells, potions... and a swift, searing
flash of light.

        It
was a slip. A slip on the Nobody's part, and a skillfully executed
move on the part of the Keyblade Master... He knew, even before the
blade struck its final blow, that he'd lost. On impact, it all simply
felt... cold. No real pain, not even the raw and terrifying feel
of the blade through his flesh--just... cold.

        Fear.
As he fell to his knees in physical weakness and shock, it was fear.
He was dying. He didn't know what was going to happen, and he was
so goddamn afraid that... that...

        He
was fading. He could feel himself slowly ceasing to be....
So scared. He was only aware of the familiar weight of the sitar
disappearing from his hand, becoming nothing, falling away...
Axel...
Roxas... what now?

        Sensation
began to fade out with the rest of him. His hearing was gone, numbness
flooding his limbs, sight darkening. The cold become a tangible thing,
enwrapping him like the tunnels of darkness--only...

        Only...
in the darkness... was
Light.

        His
body was giving out, knocking his legs out from under him, body and mind
separating as he let out a howl; but the realization of light in the darkness
gave him the strength to gaze up through the hazy darkness his vision had
become, at the one who'd defeated him. What he saw there... it was
Roxas, looking back. Roxas was clear as day, while the rest
was almost too dark to see. Looking sad and angry and horrified,
but... gentle. Very, very gentle. There was the hint of a smile
there. A nod. An indication that it was all... okay.
Everything was going to be okay.

        Home.
Beyond a word. So much more than an idea.

        In
the last instant of his half-existence... his heart leapt.

        Axel...
had been witness. He'd been watching in the shadows of a cliffside,
one hand full of flaming chakram... the other, firmly placed over his mouth.
It was a gesture entirely uncharacteristic of him, but he couldn't help
it. It was... it was the only thing he could do. He'd
been damn good and ready to jump in himself--

        Nothing
he could have done would have made anything better. It was an awful,
tearing realization. He obviously couldn't kill Sora, uncertain as
to whether he would be able to pull Roxas out of death (and to kill Roxas,
accidentally or otherwise, would have been far beyond unforgivable).
He could have tried to turn the boy into a Heartless again, but there was...
something telling him how wrong that was. How horrible that would
be for both Sora and Roxas.

        And
if he'd saved Demyx, just shown up and stolen him away... the musician
never would have forgiven him. It was unspoken, but... they'd known.
From that moment Demyx had told him of his last orders... this, what had
just happened in front of him, had been the opportunity. This...
wasn't suicide so much as... mercy. As screwed up as that was.
As horrifying as their half-logic had become.

        But
why... why had Xemnas sent the musician to the slaughter so soon?
Axel knew that they were all on the chopping block, to distract Sora as
much as to keep testing his skill, but... it was an unnecessary loss.

        He
tried to laugh through his gloved hand. It sounded strangely like
a sob--but it wasn't. No, he... he didn't have a heart. None
of them did. He didn't have emotion. He would just have to
believe that for a while. Though... he thought that maybe he believed
a Nobody wasn't really nobody if somebody thought them real.
Even if that
somebody was a Nobody. And the swirling thoughts
hurt in numerous ways and made him sick and dizzy and wanting very much
to just... stop.

        He'd
been selfish. Enormously, ungratefully, inexcusably selfish.
He was a fool to have tried to keep Roxas away from the very thing they
all desired more than anything... even more than one another. But
he was more a fool to have tried to destroy Sora's life, to steal Kairi
and come up with a plan to rip the Keyblade Master's Nobody away for himself.

        Sora
had done no wrong. He was trying to save everything, not...
tear it all asunder for his own insane, misguided reasons. Xemnas
had strayed so far from his Other's true wishes... and he'd managed to
drag the other Organization members along with him for too long.

        No,
Axel didn't want to die. But neither did he want other worlds to
suffer. Other Nobodies to wonder what they did to deserve such unthinkable
punishment, feeling incomplete and broken for their whole nonexistence.
He would simply have to be careful, to keep one step ahead of everyone.

        Sora.
To help Sora would be to help Roxas. And, even if he were never able
to see Roxas again... it was something that the boy had to do, join
with his Other. He was lucky that the other part of his heart waited
for him, protected in capable hands. Of course they were capable--they
were half his own.

        First
off, yes, there will be an epilogue to officially end this thing.
Within a few days, even. There will be more notes there, because
to say anything else here would be... inappropriate.

        If
you'd like to be e-mailed when I update, drop me a line (orin(at)sephain.com)
with whatever story/stories/website you'd like me to inform you of.
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Heart and Soul