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What He Means to Me	By : Cave Category: Kingdom Hearts > Slash/Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 3006 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Something strange was moving in his body. A feeling of some sort. It was like he was in a maze and didn't know which way to turn; didn't know which way he had been; or even what was waiting for him at the end.

Confusion.

This was confusion? No wonder why people were so hopeless and pathetic when confused. Roxas had never felt it before.

Felt it? He was feeling it right now?

And then it vanished. Roxas tried to grasp it again. He wanted to experience it more and more; the lust for any emotion going unsatisfied. Awaking with a gasp, he shot up from sleeping on the bed, waking Axel in the process. The drowsy redhead did not particularly enjoy being woken up in such a manner, not to mention so damned early, well before the school doors would be open.

"What the hell is it, Rox?"

"I felt it..."

Axel had to admit to himself that he was intrigued by this rather vague statement. A ping of jealousy coursed through his veins lightning fast. He shoved it away, but couldn't forget that it was there. Maybe Axel's destiny was to be jealous of Roxas; always one step below him. The thought made him want to disappear, but did not dwell on it any longer as Roxas continued talking, "Sora. I could feel his confusion throughout my body..."

Roxas gasped.

The realization was like the sky was encompassing his body. He knew.

"Of course. It makes sense."

Axel did not like playing games, "What does?"

"Why Sora hates me so much... It's not because of everyone else. It's his own self. He was this way from when Riku told him who I am."

Because, Sora... Roxas is your Nobody.

My... Nobody...? But I never-!

Roxas needed to see Sora. He had to tell him so desperately. It would hurt Sora, he knew, but if he didn't tell him Sora would die.

If Sora died, Roxas would disappear. He actually didn't mind if he disappeared or not, but he looked over at Axel.

Would Axel care?

He shook his head. The thought was ridiculous. In the end, nobody would care if he disappeared. Roxas got out of bed and dressed himself for the day. It was still early, but he would need to see Sora as soon as possible. It was just past six o'clock now; everyone usually went to school around 7:30. More than enough time to make a nice breakfast, he decided.

Eggs, bacon, and yummy hash browns, an all American breakfast, was easily put together. Axel awoke again, but this time from the unmistakable smell of fresh bacon. Walking into the kitchen, he noticed it to be empty except for the plate of food Roxas had made for him. Where was Roxas?

Oh..

He remembered when he had woken up earlier. So Roxas must have gone to see Sora. Suddenly, he was upset with Sora. And upset with the thought of Roxas going to see him so much.

Was he jealous of Sora?

As if he could actually understand what jealousy was. Perhaps his Somebody had been someone who easily was jealous and it was an emotion he was able to remember well. Axel thought it useless now to try and push the thought away as it seemed to keep coming back. He needed to figure out what was up with this exactly. Half an hour before classes would begin, he had plenty of time to think about it.

Roxas had left just before Axel awoke. He thought it would be best to confront Sora at his home, or on his way to school, whichever it ended up being. It must have been early; he had walked all the way to Sora's without bumping into him. As he walked up the pathway to the front door, it swung open, a short brunette standing on the other side.

"I'm leaving now!" Sora called to his parents as he left. He looked forward, eyes instantly falling on the other person in the black coat and slowly shut the door. In the back of his mind, he knew this would have to happen sooner or later. He approached Roxas, knowing what he wanted.

"We have to-"

"Let's go to the park over there." So they walked, Roxas following behind his Somebody until they finally came to rest on one of the benches there. Since it was early, there were few other people around, ensuring at least some privacy.

"Y'know, I've been feeling pretty sick and crappy lately," Sora began, though he knew Roxas knew this too. Saying it aloud, however, just made it ever more apparent and real to him.

Roxas nodded slightly, showing his understanding, "Nobody can live as only half a person, that's why you've been blacking out. If we lose the connection between us, you'll die, Sora. Because you didn't turn into a heartless, I'll disappear. I don't care if I disappear or not, but if you-"

"Axel would care."

Roxas blinked, quite taken aback. They were both silent for a minute longer until Sora further explained, "Axel would. I can't say I know you or Axel well, but you two are always together. Even a nobody needs a companion." Upon saying that, Sora felt guilty since he had thrown Roxas away, not ever caring about how he felt. Kind of funny how someone with a heart threw away someone else so casually.

Roxas turned away, "This isn't about me right now. Sora, I know why you hate me and I'm afraid the reasoning will upset you a lot. But if you don't know, you can't change it."

Sora listened clearly. He didn't care what Roxas was going to say; he didn't want to die. Not now at least. Not only that...

He didn't want to hate Roxas anymore.

Roxas' eyes turned to face him, pressing a stare into Sora's body. Realizing Sora's approval of his continuation, he went on, "You've always been perfect, Sora. What I remember from your life, you were carefree and nothing was supposed to get in your way. Even after what happened to Kairi, it wasn't happening to you. Even after you lost your heart, you gained one back. You were supposed to become a heartless and instead returned to being a human." He averted his eyes now, closing them in thought. "Absolutely perfect.

And then you found out about my existence and were instantly disgusted because suddenly, you weren't perfect anymore. This was happening to you and it became more real than ever. You made someone who should have never existed exist and blamed yourself for it."

Roxas stood up, still turned from Sora not wanting to know his reaction, "I exist now. You don't have to blame yourself for anything anymore."

Notes: Sorry this took so long to get out. Had a busy weekend to say the least. I'm guessing two more chapters should do it, plus one bonus chapter. The bonus chapter will be about Kairi and Namine. I'm actually not a fan of Namine, but I think it's necessary to talk about their relationship as well. Finally we've gotten to the core of this story. Hope you all are enjoying. :)
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What He Means to Me