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Saints in Cyberspace	By : DarkWolves Category: +S through Z > Saints Row Views: 20670 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Saints Row and i make no money by writing this

Chapter List
- 3
- 4
- 5
Chapter 4: Fantasy Adventure
“Wake up” a voice called out to her. “Wake up” she repeated. “Hey, wake up numb nuts!”
Brianna begrudgingly awoke from her slumber. She saw something fluttering above her, floating on silver wings. She recognised a face. “Viola?”
Her vision began to clear. She saw herself lying in a field of bright green grass, a stark comparison to the smog filled urban jungle she had left behind her. She looked down to see that her black leather and purple corset had been replaced with loose white cotton top, flowing white skirt, pants and pumps emblazoned with fiery red trim. Across her shoulders was draped a long flowing cloak which pooled on the ground.
“What happened to you?” Brianna asked.
“Yeah” Viola said with crossed arms. “I’m a freaking pixie” the woman who had once served as the right hand of the most powerful French (Sorry, Belgian) gangster in Steelport was now dressed in a snow white dress with long elegant wings emerging from her back. The main difference being that now she had been reduced to roughly 2ft tall. “How much do you want to bet this is Kinzies doing, I think she’s still annoyed about the breast thing”
While Brianna’s mind wandered and her body began to drift forward beneath the hem of-
“And stop trying to look up my skirt!” Viola screeched as she fluttered out of range of her partners gaze.
“Hmm” Brianna mused. “So the carpet does match the curtains” Her curiosity now sated Brianna returned to the matter at hand. “So where are we anyway?”
“Not a clue” Viola replied swiftly.
“And how are we supposed to get out of here?”
“I haven’t the foggiest” Viola replied flatly.
“You’re just a little ray of sunshine aren’t you” Brianna said.
Brianna knelt down next to a garden of sun gold flowers growing in the shade of a grand oak tree. As her fingers caressed what she saw as the outer petals instead they passed seamlessly through them in a flurry of shattered light crystals. “What the hell is this-?”
“Welcome” Violas voice withdrew from her study. “To ‘Lore of Kinzcraft’” Viola said with a voice laced with robotic monotone. “Lore of Kinzcraft is an open world role playing game set in the realm of-”
“Viola, what the fuck are you talking about?”
“That wasn’t me” Viola replied to the barbed accusation. “We’re in some kind of fantasy game Kinzie made up. I was speaking to you as your guide within the game”
“So if you’re being controlled by something else how do I know if I’m speaking to the real you or not?” Brianna asked.
Viola blinked. “Somehow you’ve just stumbled upon one of the greatest philosophical debates of history which has baffled academics for gener-”
“Well it must be the real you then” Brianna said reassuredly. “You’re the only one who would really think I knew what the fuck I was on about”
“And in that moment you lost it again” Viola said.
“We need to find Kinzie” Brianna said. “She’ll know how to get us out of here”
“Well these simulations are usually controlled from the outside by an operator, and if we’re both in her...” the shuddering realisation suddenly dawned upon her. “Oh god! What if Kinzies outside and she’s- if she’s done anything to my hair I will rip out her stupid dildo and shove it down her throat”
“You know I think she might actually enjoy that” Brianna giggled. “But Kinzie was in the VR chair too. If we made it here chances are Kinzies in here too, meaning that if we want to get out of here we have to finish whatever simulation Kinzies cooked up”
“Correct” Viola replied. “Now as I was saying. Before you lay three tasks which you must face to win the game and get us free of this cheery hellhole. Each task you complete shall bring you ever closer to rescuing, ugh, ‘The most magnificent and beautiful princess Kinzie, loved by all she knows and knows all she loves”
“Oh, and you’ll need this” Viola clapped her open hands together, slowly drawing the two halves apart the full length of a silver longsword emerged in a shower of golden light. “A sword capable of striking down all evils you face on your quest”
Brianna accepted the weapon with a cocked eye. “You sure I can’t get a gun or a dildo bat?”
“Fantasy game, remember”
“Well I’m sure someone will mod it in eventually”
“So now you are ready to set out upon your quest to save the realm” Beat. “Would you like to hear that again?”
“What do you think?”
“Accepting vague response as yes, Welcome to World of-”
“Screw you” Brianna said flatly. Sheathing her sword at her belt she started her way down the road.
*****************************
“Your first trial is the bridge guarded by a vicious troll guarding the bridge”
Brianna came to a stop in the road. “I’m guessing that’s the bridge” she remarked. Ahead lay a small stone bridge spanning an idyllic, knee high stream. She approached with genre savvy caution. “But where’s the-”
“Oh, a lady adventurer” a snide voice belonging to a stunted creature with a dull blue waistcoat and pointy red hat emerged from beneath the shadow of the bridge. “May I direct you to the nearest kitchen?”
“Mat Miller?” Brianna asked with cocked eye.
“Kinzie” Viola said flatly.
“Oh nice outfit fairy lady” he soon turned his gaze to Viola. “Stand on a street corner and you might make some cash”
“This must be the troll we were warned about” Viola said.
“No, he can’t be a real troll” Brianna said. “He’s got several two syllable words in the right order”
“Ha, ha, you’re funny” Mat laughed. “But looks aren’t everything”
“Why you little” Brianna swiftly drew her blade from its sheath and lashed out at the offending troll. With equal speed he simply stepped aside and dodged the attack with clear self satisfaction.
“Was that supposed to be a hit? Cause I’m pretty sure the doctor slapped me harder on the arse when I came launching out of my mum’s cunt. Mind you I did make quite a mess on my way out”
“I’d slap you too but that would technically be animal abuse” Viola added.
“Why don’t you go play in traffic” Mat said flatly.
“How in the hell do I shut this thing up?”
“Do not forget that we must first defeat him to cross the bridge” Viola interjected.
“And exactly how are we supposed to defeat something this annoying?”
“If you’ve got a problem with my bridge guarding policy write it on a note, fold it up, put it in an envelope and shove it up your arse!” Mat said.
“Well they say that the greatest defeat an enemy can endure is to be ignored” Viola suggested.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding”
“And I suppose that you’ve got a better idea” Viola said.
Brianna grumbled beneath her breath. “Alright” Brianna and Veronica quickly turned their backs to their enemy together.
“Aw, do you have to leave so soon” Matt asked. “I just got done poisoning the tea” despite the insult the two refused to acknowledge him. “You know from this angle your arses look even bigger, I didn’t even think that was possible!” still they continued to resist the urge to retaliate. “How about some poetry? Roses are red, violets are blue. I’ve got five fingers, middle one’s for you!” yet despite his best effects to coax a response they continued to fall on death ears. It seems a limit had finally been reached. “Here” reaching into the pocket of his waistcoat he removed a pointed object and cast it at the feet of the one who had trifled with him. “Take this and finish yourself off”
With his final word said he returned under his bridge in resignation. Brianna reached down to retrieve the item cast aside. “What’s this for?”
“That is a Unicorn Horn” Viola interjected. “It has many valuable uses in this world, it can be used to augment weapons, you can poke yourself in the eye, it is a rare alchemy ingredient, you may use it to administer self pleasure-”
“Wait, what was that last one?” Brianna asked.
“Alchemy ingredient?” Viola asked.
“No, self pleasure?”
“Yes, I believe that is one of its many uses” Viola said flatly.
“How is that even...?” the realisation once again dawned upon her. “Of course, Kinzie”
*****************************
“The second task you must face is the riddle of the Gatekeeper” Viola said as they continued down the road.
On the cusp of the horizon they saw a creature sat atop a high rock at the opening to a mountainous impasse. As they drew closer the outline began to resolve into a familiar identity.
“Hey, it’s Oleg” Brianna called out in greeting to her old friend.
“I get it” Viola interjected. “Kinzie based the people in the game on real people. It’s like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz”
“Yeah, I never saw that” Brianna said. “Unless you count ‘Dorothy does Oz’”
“Clearly we live in completely different circles”
Oleg, dressed in the flowing white robes usually preferred by frat boys parodying the great statesmen of Greece and Rome, glanced up for a brief moment before wordlessly returning to his stone tablet. “Note to self” he whispered beneath his breath as he scrawled a note on his tablet. “Hire smarter troll” toga clad Oleg wordlessly returned to his tablet as silence lingered between them.
“We’d like to get past” Brianna said.
“And why is it that you wish to pass?” Oleg asked in reply.
“Is that one of the riddles?” Brianna asked.
“No” Oleg replied flatly. “I was merely engaging in idle conversation as is my solemn duty as custodian of this impasse. Now please pray tell me as to the nature of your inquiry which as present has and continues to seclude me from my current studies”
“Huh?”
Oleg sighed mournfully. “If you truly wish to pass you must solve three of my riddles. First, is the riddle of the water. You have two jugs, one holds five units of water and the other holds three. How do you obtain four units of water?”
“Well there are two methods” Viola swiftly interjected.
Oleg turned to face her slowly. “One will suffice” Oleg said flatly.
“Begin by filling the five jug, empty the contents into the three jug and throw it away. Fill the remaining two units into the three jug. Refill the five jug and fill the three jug leaving four in the five jug”
“Very good” Oleg replied with the faintest hint of emotion.
“How in the hell did you know that?” Brianna asked.
“Masters Degree in Economics remember”
“Seriously, can’t we just get past?” Brianna persisted.
“Second riddle” Oleg continued unhindered. “Although brothers and sisters I have none, this man’s father is my father’s son. Who-”
“He’s your son” Viola interrupted. “Next”
Oleg stared at her with a cocked eye. “Very well” Oleg glanced down at his tablet. “The final riddle is the riddle of the night. Why, is a raven like a writing desk?”
“You’re talking shit Oleg!” Brianna finally reached the cusp of her patience. “Can you just let us get past?”
Oleg emitted a down cast sigh. “Very well, you may pass” Oleg reached into the fold of his robes and passed a small glowing ice crystal to Brianna. “You will also require this on your journey”
Brianna stepped past the guardian to continue on her way. “A word of advice” Oleg said, Brianna stopped in her step, and turning back she saw Oleg glance up from his tablet to ensure that the other was well beyond the sound of their voices. “Watch your back my friend. The Princess is guarded by a fearsome dragon, it is in the moment that you face the beast those closest to you shall show their true intentions. You will require all that you have learnt so far to survive”
“So, you’re saying I should watch out for ravens and desks?” Brianna asked with a wry smile.
Oleg’s expression showed that he was clearly un-amused as he returned his attentions to the tablet. “I anticipate your death to be soon, swift and most certainly not without intense pain”
****************************
The adventurer cusped the final step up the mound. Cresting the top of the hill she emerged in the scattered ruins of a once grand temple, the towering columns and ornate decorations reduced to a former shadow of their true selves.
At the far side of the temple she saw Kinzie dressed in flowing purple robes and hood laid at the far side on an altar. “There is Princess Kinzie” Viola said.
Brianna stepped cautiously forward. “Hey, Kinzie” she called out. “I’m here to save you, apparently” Brianna stopped in the centre of the wide square. “Now where’s this big beast I’m supposed to kill?”
“Oh yeah” Viola interjected. “That’s right” Violas eyes began to glow a deep shade of crimson. Her body began to writhe and move, her body becoming consumed in spontaneous up wash of flame and smoke. As the smoke began to clear her true form emerged, oily black scales, razor sharp claws and piercing red eyes. “I’m also a dragon”
Viola loomed over her victim, her wide wings fluttering in great gusts of air across the plateau. “Rawr and etc” Dragon Viola growled
“Oh you’ve got to be fucking kidding me” it was clear that the situation had shifted not necessarily to her advantage, it soon became apparent that there was only one course of action left to her. That, was to fucking leg it.
Running across the plateau she heard the crash and scrape of clawed feet across the stones behind her. She felt the heat of fiery breath at her heels, only just staying ahead of the beasts fierce attacks.
“Remember” a voice whispered inside her head. “You need to remember”
“Who the hell are you?” Brianna asked through gasping breaths.
“It’s me you useless tosspot!” Matt’s voice resonated in her head.
“As it is, I am also present” Oleg’s voice interjected.
“You better pick up the pace fatty” Matt coaxed. “Miss a step and he’ll end scoffing down on your fat arse, tasty beasty nom nom’s. Lovely”
“Concentrate” Oleg’s voice returned. “You need to remember”
“Are you too going to help me kill this thing or what?”
“Only as soon as you stop pissing around and take your balls out of your little pink purse you dousy twat!”
“We cannot assist, only you will be able to defeat this creature” Oleg said.
“Don’t give me that crap” Brianna yelled as she dodged another feral swipe of the creature’s claws. “Just tell me how to kill this thing already”
“Why?” Matt asked. “I’m quite enjoying watching the show as it is”
“Remember” the voice repeated in her mind.
Brianna’s mind flooded with images and voices too fast for her conscious mind to make any sense to her. She suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of calm wash over her which threatened to bring her to her knees. “I know what I have to do”
Brianna turned sharply on her heel, turning to face the creature pursuing her with unfaltering bravery. Dragon Viola opened her mouth, displaying the rows of sharp teeth and the smouldering embers of its slowly building breath of fire. Brianna saw her target and with a well practiced arm she pulled the ice crystal from her belt and tossed it into the creatures open mouth. Dragon Viola coughed as the frozen crystal lodged in her throat. The momentary distraction allowed Brianna the time to draw her sword from its sheath and the unicorn from her belt. Brianna pressed the artefact to the blade, her sword beginning to glow with a tranquil cream light.
The enchantment complete the sword now glowed brightly with a divine light. A bladed claw descended down on her like a swooping bird ready to tear their prey asunder. Brianna parried the beasts attack with the fine edge of her blade, disorientated she saw her enemy’s opening and leapt at the opportunity. Brianna climbed the beasts outstretched arm, lashing out her blade buried itself deeply into the creature’s chest. Twisting and wrenching the sword descended deeper with a flurry of deep red blood. The beast fell to the ground with a demonic howl, a final gasping wheeze slipping past her lips as the sword was withdrawn in a shower of blood.
Brianna stood over the body of her fallen enemy, panting with quivering breath as the adrenaline which had flooded her system quickly slipped away. Brianna cast her tainted weapon onto the floor beside her, stepping across the plateau she approached Princess Kinzie laying on the altar. Brianna knelt down beside the altar, her eyes passing across the flowing purple robes which draped across the elegant body of the princess.
Brianna drank in the sheer beauty of the figure laid out before her; she felt her heart beat faster as her voice caught in her throat. Brianna leant forward, she felt the waft of her warm breath which reassured her that she yet lived, held in slumbers sweet embrace. She knew the only thing which could wake her was loves tender kiss. Brianna leant in to touch her lips, eliciting a warm caress which quickly spread throughout her entire body. She felt herself becoming swept up in the moment of the embrace, her eyes fluttering closed as she surrendered herself to the world. She only felt herself unsettled by the forceful probe of an explorative tongue sneaking past her lips. As she attempted to separate she felt the press of another's hand keeping her in place.
When the kiss was finally broken she found herself peering down at the smiling face of Princess Kinzie. “Oh you saved me brave adventurer, how may I ever repay you for your brave and selfless act”
“Oh fucking Christ” Matt interjected. “Please excuse me, I have some urgent business, there's a bucket I've got to be sick into”
“I too shall take my leave and return to my custodial duties of my impasse” Oleg said. “Vade in pace”
Brianna felt a sudden emptiness in her mind, accompanied by a welcome silence as two idiots no longer infested her every waking thought.
“Now” Princess Kinzie said with a wry smile. “I believe it is only fair that I reward my brave knight”
Kinzies fingers trailed up to the nape of her robes lingering enticingly at the seam of her cloak. “You have permission to remove the royal vestments” Kinzie said regally as she cooed Brianna.
Brianna stepped forward to hold Kinzies top in her hands, gently drawing the two sides apart, prepared to reveal the wondrous bounty benea-
A ripple cascaded through the world around them, sending a shiver cascading down her spine.
Sequence 1 complete
Loading Sequence 2. Please standby
“Oh no” Viola groaned. “Not this again, I refu-”
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Saints in Cyberspace