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Leaving the Deep Roads	By : ArchaicLegend Category: +A through F > Dragon Age (all) > Dragon Age (all) Views: 3881 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: Dragon Age and the characters of the game do not belong to me. This is a no profit fanfiction

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She was running late again. She paused adjusting her staff in its holster, she was stalling she knew. The distance had started to grate on her a bit, she had promised herself that she would be patient, but she was not a patient person. The clinic was quiet when she arrived, only a couple of patients and both were resting peacefully. Anders was hunched at his desk writing.

She tucked her staff behind the door and looked over his shoulder "Sorry I'm late. I forgot how time consuming it is to pander to self-important rich folks."

He carefully placed the page of damp writing on the top of a small pile, and turned to her. "No problem, it has been a pretty quiet day." He looked at her considering. "Do you feel up to some impromptus lessons?"

"If you don't mind," she looked away slightly caught out, she had gotten so comfortable with the routine of things she had almost forgotten why she agreed to help in the first place.

He smiled slightly. "Let's start with the basics. Healing magic is not like your battle magic. Battle spells take a high powered bust of power, Iike a lighting strike in a storm. Healing is more like a stream or possibly a river, it flows at a steady pace, gently bathing the patient and knitting the wounds or healing the ailment. You may have learnt a burst approach for healing in battle and it can work in cases where you need a quick heal boost, but that type of healing does its own trauma and shouldn't be relied upon. What I thought we would do was just try and get the flow right first."

She nodded.

"Alright," he turned into his desk and grabbed a small potted plant that had been sitting on it, it looked like one of the herbs he used for poltices. He moved to the back of the clinic and placed the pot on the ointment making bench. She looked at the plant, it definitely looked sick. "I thought we'd start with this. Start by holding your hands a little above the plant."

She moved into position her hands hovering in the air above the wilted stem.

"Now close your eyes and see the plant in your minds eye..... Good. Now be very gentle, and slowly poor just a little bit of your magic energy into the plant."

She tried, she really did, but the energy rushed out of her in a torrent rather than a gentle flow. She heard the pot shatter and her eyes snapped open.

Anders was looking at her with a slightly bemused expression on his face, small chunks of soil splattering his coat. The plant was still below her hands but it's pot was a shattered mess.

She could feel the blush crawling up her cheeks. "Sorry," she muttered sheepishly.

He smiled, "I was expecting a bit of a mess, not quite this much mind you...." He grinned dusting off his coat. "Let me ask you something, how does your magic feel?"

She frowned slightly, "it is like there is a tempest inside of me and around me constantly in motion." She considered, "when I cast a spell I direct that motion, shape it to my will."

He nodded. "Put you hands over the plant again and close your eyes."

She did and felt him come up behind her, he wrapped his arms around her placing his hands over hers the unfamiliar but much desired contact made her catch her breath. "Now don't try to do anything, just try and feel what I am doing." He said into her ear is breath tickling the side of her neck.

It started as a cool glow emanating from him lapping at her like the foam on the sand, then she felt it. His magic flowed through her gentle, calming as if she were swimming in a cool stream, she could feel her body relax molding to his. With an effort she tried to mimick the flow, she could feel her warmer magic curling and flowing with his own. She could feel the two flows different but similar twisting and entwining then merging as it touched the plant. It was the most remarkable and intimate experiences she had ever had. If she concentrated she could even feel justice's power in the mix, sparking where it touched hers. With an effort she drew her attention back to the plant, and realised she could feel leaves brushing her fingers. Slowly she pulled her magic back, going from a flow to a trickle. She could feel Anders matching her until they both simply stood her hands in his. They stood like that for a minute or so neither willing to break the moment. Suddenly Anders stiffened and steped back, almost as if pulled. Carefully she opened her eyes, the plant was beyond better it had actually gown so much that it's roots had bitten into the table, she could see cracks in the wood. With a guilty grimace she turned to Anders. "I'll fix that....." Her voice trailed off.

Anders stood grasping the nearby support beam in a white knuckled grip, his eyes squeezed shut. She tentatively moved forwards, reaching out to touch his shoulder.

"Don't!" He gasped out through gritted teeth.

"Anders' are you ok?"

"Justice.... I saw....... He saw your life.... the Templars.... The ....." He trailed off, white lines of fury etched themselves on his face. she could see the muscles in his face twitching under the effort of maintaining control.

She moved infront of him, placing a hand on each side of his face side. "Look at me." She commanded. His eyes snapped open, blasing blue. "I don't need you to fight my battles for me. I lived in fear, I have suffered under the Chantry and I am definitely angry with how I have had to live, but trying to take that fight from me is not on." She gave his head a gentle shake. "I will deal with it in my own time in my own way. I will fight beside you, but you cannot take away my agency in this." She watched the blue fade to brown, he was still breathing hard but the violent tension in his body was slowly being released. "And besides if my life hadn't worked out how it did I wouldn't be here now, and I can't regret that," she gave him a grin and a wink. Releasing his face she moved back to the bench to examine the damage and give Anders time to regain his composure. The damage wasn't too bad, she thought pulling the thriving plant from the woodwork. She ducked down under the bench carefully examining the underside. The crack didn't go all the way through and there was no other visible damage. She could add a support beam across the centre just in case and use some of the mud and swordust filler that she had used at gamlen's to fill in the crack, it would be as good as new. She looked carefully at its existing supports and cross beams, it was a remarkably solid piece of furniture. Sliding out from under the bench she noticed Anders standing next to her. He put his hand down to help her up and she took it.

"I'm sorry," he said without preamble. "He..... I had no right to look into your memories."

She shook her head, "Every time we use magic, we take that half step into the fade.... things happen..... and as I said, I can handle myself..... even with Justice."

He winced slightly.

She turned to the bench unwilling to dwell on the issue, "The damage is not too bad, if it is ok when I come by next I'll bring some filler and some planks to reinforce it, just in case. Given my last two weeks I will probably be flat out with trying to sort out this estate renovation business with mother so it probably won't be until next week, if that is ok."

He nodded his gaze distant, "That is fine."

"I'll work on the plant thing, next time you come up to hightown it will be a veritable Forrest."

He smiled his gaze still far away and she turned to leave, picking up her staff and settling it into its holster on her back. She glanced back at him then started for the door.

"Hawke," he called after her almost hesitantly. She turned pausing at the doorway. "Thanks for brining me back."

She grinned at him, "You kept me out of Isabella's grasp when we were letting loose, I think that makes us even." He laughed then, not loudly but honestly, the anxiety and sadness releasing him for a moment, a glint of mischief returning to his gaze. Once again she wished silently that she had met him before Justice, maybe things would have been different.
She needed a break. They had sorted out the workmen for the restoration, now there was the tedious task of supervising, and the constant noise. She thought buying the place would have brought her some peace but now there was her mothers endless fussing about all of the ins and outs of noble houses and how she should dress to match her station. She sighed pulling on her comfortable robes from her earlier days, the hanged man was no place for high town finery. With some last minute instructions for Bodan, who was proving invaluable in handling both the estate and her mother's requests, she headed out.
The Hanged man was in fine fettle by the time she had arrived, Varric's was entertaining a decent sized group of patrons with a tale of the siege of Amaranthine. She grabbed a pint of ale and sat by the fire letting the story washing over her. She was a million miles away drifting in between Varric's voice and her own memories of Fereldan, when a familiar one whispered in her ear.

"See how cunningly forgets about the dashing Grey warden apostate who was centre stage in this whole affair."

She smiled, "I'm sure the dashing apostate wouldn't take it too personally, after all I hear he is trying to remain incognito." She smiled at him. "Though I also heard a rumor that Sir Pounce-a-lot did much of the heavy lifting"

He dropped down beside her, "Sir Pounce-a-lot was a hero indeed." He looked at her is gaze considering. "Does your family know?"

It took her a moment to put the question into context, he had seen those memories too. She looked into the fire avoiding his gaze. "No, and they are not going to."

"What they did, what you had to do...."

She cut him off, "I know. I want them to assume that father left some fail safe in place, that his love extended beyond the grave. It is that belief that got them through some dark times, it makes the world just that little bit brighter. It is the world they need."

He said nothing but put his arm around her pulling her into him gently. She rested her head on his shoulder and breathed. He had seen some of her darkest memories and still accepted her. Maybe that was why she was so drawn to him, they both had their demons and could accept each other despite or maybe because of them.
She adjusted the load of wood and tools on her shoulder. She arrived at her usual time and Anders was busy with patients. She paused watching him, his brown eyes dark with concern. She watched the care and tenderness he had with his patients, the cool glow of his magic a soothing balm. She still vividly remembered the feel of it, twisting and merging with her own. She shook her head, she was a woman of action, time to get to work. It took a while for her new supports to be installed to her satisfaction and she was just smoothing the filler into the crack when he came over to her. He watched her quietly gently kneeding and smoothing the filler till the crack was only a dark stain on a perfectly level surface.

"You've done this a lot," he observed as she put the trowel down examining the filled crack from all angles.

"Gamlen's house didn't maintain itself and Carver was definitely not going to do it." She patted the bench with an air of satisfaction. "Leave this to dry till tomorrow, it should be ok then to work on."

He nodded and lent against the bench, running his hand across the filled crack. He smiled his gaze drifting off, "Perfect."

"How is the practice going? I haven't yet had the chance to see Hightown's new shrubbery."

She poked her tounge out at him and he laughed. "Ok,it is a strange thing but I think I have kind of got it."

"Show me," He said moving to stand infront of her.

"Don't we need some non-vital plant to demonstrate on?" She asked blushing slightly.

"I want to try something a little different, the principle is the same gentle flow of energy, but this time I want you to concentrate on that flow, feel where it touches and feel the injury."

"On who?" She asked hopping off the bench. She looked around the room, their were no more patients and the doors were closed, he must have shut up while she had been working.

"Me."

She gave him a sharp look. "You are injured?"

He smiled at her, "it is nothing serious and I thought it would be helpful to show you."

She looked dubious, "ok what should I do."

"To start with you will need to touch me, eventually you won't have to but at the beginning it is easier."

She moved to stand in front of him and put her hands on his chest.

He gently moved one of her hands to his hip, "It helps if you have some distance between the points of contact, makes it easier to pin point the injury."

She nodded and closed her eyes, looking at him only made it harder to consentrate. She breathed and started slowly, the energy a trickle, gently she increased the flow. It was remarkable she could feel the power flowing through him, she could also sense parts where the energy didn't flow through as easily. She consentrated on those places, she could sense numerous minor cuts and bruises but as she looked his right side caught her attention. Her eyes shot open and she looked at him, he stood stoicly his eyes averted. Without a word she opened his coat and pulled up his shirt. His right side was a rainbow of bruises, she was pretty sure he had a damaged rib and possibly some soft tissue damage. She moved her hand around he enge her fingers brushing skin. He hissed quietly, she looked up at him concerned. "How did this happen?" His eyes were dark as he looked at her, she could see the pain there but also something else.

"It was nothing, a minor disagreement with some Coterie thugs."

She pursed her lips, "At the very least you should have healed yourself, this is serious."

He smiled slightly, "it looks worse than it is."

She frowned at him unconvinced.

"I want you to try again, and this time when you feel the injured areas channel the flow to that point. You will need to focus on healing willing the wounds to heal, like you do with a battle healing but gentler."

She looked worried. "What if I can't control it, I don't want to hurt you further," she said resting one hand on his chest and the other against the skin of his uninjured side. It was probably not necessary but she wanted to feel him feel his skin against her hand.

He let out a tight breath and put his hands against hers. "I'll help if needed."

She took a steadying breath and closed her eyes again. The feel of his hands against hers was distracting, his skin under her fingertips. She took another breath and put the thoughts from her mind. He needed healing. Once again she started slowly she started on the smaller cuts and bruises, carefully directing her energy trough those places and willing the wounds to heal. One by one she felt the enery flow improve until she could no longer sense the injury. It wasn't long before she reached his side, carefully she started to direct the energy through the damaged area, it was a lot harder and she breathed drawing on deeper reserves. The flow sped up. She heard Ander's sharp intake of breath, his grip tightening on her hands, but she kept the flow steady, she could feel the damage mend feel the energy start to flow freely. When she could no longer sense any more injuries, she pulled back the flow. She felt exhausted. She opened her eyes slowly, Anders' gaze met her own and he smiled.

"See I'm As good as new."

She smiled tiredly at him, "Damn it really takes it out of you, how do you do it all the time?"

"It gets easier with practice, though you over did it a little. I feel a bit like I'm buzzing."

"I'm sorry," she said looking away sheepishly.

"Hey," he released her hand and gently gasped her face turning her face back up to look at him. "I set you a very difficult task and you excelled." He looked at her with a mix of respect and admiration.

She turned her face into his hand relishing the contact, his thumb moved gently across her lower lip. She could see the struggle in his face, his hand trembling slightly. Suddenly he released her, stepping away her hands falling limply by her side. "Anders...."

He turned away from her on the pretence of neatening up one of the cots he used for sick patients. But she could see the tension in him. "You should go and get some rest," he said quietly.

"Anders," she said gently, moving forward to touch his shoulder.

"Please Hawke.... I can't."

She was too tired to push the issue today, next time she would.
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Leaving the Deep Roads