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Shame
By : Amos
Category: +S through Z > Silent Hill
Views: 1056 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Konami owns Silent Hill and the characters, I make no money.
Chapter List
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- 5
The ride back home wasn’t as deadly as the ride to the shop. The tension had died and the car was lighter with the windows cracked. There was still no conversing, though.
Lillith parked in front of the garage and the two got out.
Joshua followed Lillith as she walked up to the house, so that he could keep an eye on her purse, but there was a firm hand on his shoulder that made him stop in his tracks and glance back.
It was Adam, his face stern as ever, and Joshua swallowed. He managed a smile, though, despite.
“Hey, Dad, what’s up?” he asked his father, glancing back to his mother with his eyes. She stepped into the house, disappearing from his sight. It was a devastation that had his smile faltering. He looked back to his father.
Adam let out a breath through his nose.
“Joshua, come with me,” he said and let go of Joshua’s shoulder. He started walking back, to where his police car was, and Joshua swallowed again, hard, before following after.
“What’s going on, Dad?” he asked lightly, forcing a little laugh to sound unconcerned. It wasn’t as convincing as he wanted, though, and Adam walked around the car to the driver’s side.
“Get in,” he said before opening the door and getting in himself, and Joshua sighed before going in after.
As soon as Joshua shut the door, the car started rolling. Adam started driving, and the car tension was back. It was suffocating.
Joshua glanced over to his father, but he didn’t look at him, kept his eyes on the road like Lillith, but his eyes were never empty. They were always full with anger, or disappointment, or… anger. Joshua sighed and slouched in his seat.
“Dad, I-”
“Have you been talking to that worker?”
“What? Dad, come on-”
Adam looked at Joshua with his fiery eyes, and Joshua shut his mouth. He gave a light shake of his head.
“...No, I haven’t.”
Adam watched Joshua for a long moment before turning his gaze back to the road.
“Why?” Joshua sat upright in his seat some. Adam didn’t look at him.
“Have you been going anywhere near him?” His father asked, and Joshua shook his head again.
“No- Dad, why ?”
“Because you were told not to!” Adam looked at Joshua again and the teenager pressed his lips together tight. Adam sighed and gave a light shake of his head, looking back to the road.
“Because you were told not to. You have to understand, Joshua.” He glanced back to Joshua.
“Do you understand?” he asked.
Josh gave a tiny nod. “Yes, Sir.”
The drive was a small one, down just a few blocks, before a small break at the quick stop for some drinks, and then they went right back home. Joshua took his 32oz of Coke to his bedroom, where he shut himself inside.
His alarm clock read 5:30 p.m., and he put his drink in front of it to mark out the time. He sat on his bed and crossed a leg under him, putting his elbow on his knee and his chin on his hand.
What a filling day. First he gets into shit with Joey down at the cemetery, and then he makes his mom upset, and then he gets a lecture from his dad. He hated all of those.
He groaned and flopped over to lay on his side on his bed, his head falling onto his pillow. Difficult days.
Why was it so hard to live in this town? Why did it feel like there were secrets ? Everyone had deceit in their eyes, and it made it all so hard. Who could he talk to? Who could he trust? Even Joey seemed to harbor secrets from Joshua. It was like the whole town was against him. It was like he was the only one left out. Why, though? Why did no one trust him?
l.l
It was ruined. The dirt was soaked, turned into a murk of mud. The wet cardboard box was a messy flop drowning in the dark slosh of ruined dirt flooring, and even his toothbrush was ruined. The plastic was melted and burnt and the bristols were gone, cooked into ash.
His pillow was also ruined, burned like the rest and soaked like the rest, and his survival knife was on the ground, still alive because it was steel, but still harmed. The handle had scorch marks on its rough leather, and the steel had rainbow coloring from the intense heat that had scolded it.
The only thing missing was his diary.
Alex Shephard dropped down to his knees, his pants squishing into the mud with his weight. He reached a hand out to his belongings, grabbed the wet cardboard and picked it up. No diary. He dropped it again and sifted through his other ruined things. He still didn’t see his diary, but he did find his water bottle, soldered and melted, and he dropped his head down and sighed.
“Dammit. Dammit .”
l.l
Joshua yawned and sat up in bed, reaching up to rub his eyes. He blinked and grabbed his soda, moving the cup aside and looking at the time. It was 8:36, meaning he had fallen asleep.
He groaned and dragged a hand down his face. “Dangit.”
He had missed dinner, and since he was a light sleeper, it meant that his parents hadn’t bothered on waking him up. Had he really upset them that much?
The teenager took a sip of his coke and grimaced, coughing and setting it aside, behind his clock. It was watered down. Hopefully dinner had leftovers, because his mom was a good cook, and he felt bad for being left out.
He stood up and walked out of his room, so that he could go to the kitchen for some water and to see if there were in fact, leftovers.
The house was quiet, so his parents either weren’t home or were already in bed. Regardless of what it was, Joshua still made sure to be quiet going down the stairs, so that he wouldn’t get a lecture if they actually were home and asleep.
Down the stairs, there was something that caught Joshua’s eye. A dark smudge on the floor just before the book room.
Joshua knelt down to look closer at it, but he still couldn’t tell what it was, and he didn’t want to smell or touch it. He stood back up and shrugged it off, turning down the small hallway to the back rooms so that he could go to the kitchen, but just as he passed the basement door, he stopped again.
Taking a step back, he looked at it.
The door was open a crack.
He looked back down the hallway, just in time to see Alex Shephard coming out of the sewing room. His clothes were covered in mud, and Joshua was frozen at the door.
Alex hadn’t noticed him yet. He was shutting the door behind him. The “unnoticed” was short lived, because just as soon as the man shut the door and turned again, he saw Joshua. He looked angry. His eyebrows were knit together, his lips pursed, face and body filthy with sweat and dirt.
The smudge must have been from him, whenever he was doing who knows what.
Joshua almost took a step back, away from Alex, but the man pointed a dirt stained finger at him, and the teen paused again.
He breathed deep in hesitation.
“...I’m sorry,” he said, bringing his hands together in front of him to fumble with his fingers. Alex dropped his hand back down to his side.
“Where is it?” His voice was low, nothing more than a whisper, and it only was because of how angry he was. He was fueling.
Joshua gave a little nod to the stairs. “It’s um… in my room.”
“Get it.”
“...Okay.”
Joshua turned fast and went back up the stairs, skipping the more creaky steps so that he could hurry and be quiet. When he reached his bedroom, he went to his bed and dug under his mattress for the journal. His fingers brushed the thick leather and he gripped it, pulling it out. Then he clutched it in both hands and left his room again, skipping steps to get downstairs quicker.
Alex was gone from the hallway, but the basement door was shut this time. Joshua walked to it and pulled the door open before shutting it again once inside, where he stepped down the stairs.
He kept his head low, because he was ashamed about the whole ordeal of he and Joey’s “fun” at the cemetery, and because Alex knew it was him.
When Joshua reached the bottom of the stairs, Alex was at the back door, looking like a silhouette in the darkness. The teenager made his way to Alex, and then he held out the book, keeping his gaze low.
“...I tried stopping it. This was all I saved,” he murmured quietly when Alex didn’t take the book right away.
When he did reach out for it, his long fingers brushed against Joshua’s, and the teen lowered his gaze more.
Alex took the journal from Joshua’s grip and clutched it tight in his hand, at his side.
“I didn't read any of it, I promise.” Joshua looked up but averted his gaze again before he could catch Alex’s eyes.
Alex was quiet for a long moment before he gave an exhale.
“I’ve never understood children and the wreckage they cause,” he mumbled. Joshua sighed and reached up to drag his hands down his face. His eyes burned a little from his long nap, but the stress of upsetting Alex made them burn even more.
“Let me make up for it. I have extra sleeping stuff, just let me get them. You won’t leave, right?”
“I’ve told you before: I don’t want your help. I came for my diary, and that’s all.” Alex shook his head after a little moment and gave a bitter breath. “I shouldn’t have come back here,” he whispered to himself, and Joshua wrapped his arms around his waist, overcome by guilt.
“If you leave, you’re gonna make me feel bad- just wait so I can get the stuff.”
“You should already feel bad.”
“I’ll feel worse .”
“There isn’t a reason why I should care about how you feel.”
“Alex!” Joshua gave a heavy huff and reached out to the man, grabbing his free arm. He dragged his hand down the soldier’s coat sleeve until he met his hand, and he pulled it up into the air, hooking his pinkie with the adult’s.
“Pinkie swear you’ll wait for me. You just did, so you have to wait,” Joshua dropped Alex’s hand and turned to go back up to his bedroom. He could hear the man scoff behind him.
l.l
Joshua had somehow gotten Alex to let him follow him to the cemetery. They snuck out the basement’s door into the backyard and out of the fence to the alley that led into the cemetery.
It was dark out, and Joshua hated the cemetery, so he stuck close to Alex, carrying the supplies he had grabbed in a big ball in his arms.
Alex led them passed where he had been sleeping before, almost half way across the cemetery, until they stopped in a spot where there were a couple's graves. They went into the crevice that protected the tombs from weather, and Alex reached out to take the things from Joshua.
“I got it,” Joshua said and moved away from Alex. The man exhaled through his nose and motioned.
“Fine. Just drop them anywhere.”
Joshua dropped the ball onto the floor near the back cement wall, where he dropped to his knees to start unravelling the things. He unrolled a sleeping bag and put a pillow at the top, dusting it down. Then he got the blanket and started folding it, so that he could put it at the foot of the makeshift bed. When he was done, he looked back at Alex.
“...Tada.”
Alex was already out of his shoes, and he was in the midst of taking off his coat. He paused when he heard Joshua, but he quickly dismissed him and finished, dropping his coat to the ground.
Joshua scoot away from the bed and Alex sat on it, sitting against the wall. He sighed and dropped his head back, face to the ceiling and eyes closed. Joshua watched him for a moment before sitting on his butt on the dirt floor.
“I’m sorry about your stuff. I didn’t mean for it to happen,” he said, watching Alex’s eyes open and look at him. The man kept his mouth shut, lips pressed together. He sighed.
“You didn’t do it, did you?”
“...No.”
“You’ve gone out of your way to help me a few times. ...Thanks.”
“You don’t have to thank me, just… be careful and stuff out here. The townspeople are usually so nice, I don’t…” Joshua furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head. It seemed like the only thing he really knew anymore was that the town was going to shit, fast.
“Joshua, you said your name was, right?”
Joshua looked at Alex, who was looking down at his lap, at his diary. He ran a thumb lightly across the worn cover of it.
“U-um, yeah. Joshua.”
“You said you hadn’t read this, right?”
“Right. I just sort of, looked at the cover and stuff.”
“...Do you want to?” Alex asked and looked up from his diary, to Joshua’s wondering brown eyes.
“R...really?”
“No, not really.” Alex looked back down at the book and opened it, the cover staying open from being so stretched. “I’m gonna read it,” the man said and looked back to Joshua. The teenager’s cheeks were flushed from embarrassment, and Alex laughed. It made Joshua’s lips curl into a meek smile.
Alex cleared his throat and flipped to the first page of the diary.
“August 2nd. It’s hot here. Sweltering. I can barely breathe. But I guess that’s the point. War is hell, right?”
Joshua crawled to the sleeping bag to sit beside Alex on it, and the man tilted the book slightly away, away from Joshua’s view, but he kept reading.
“Why am I writing this? Some of the guys said it would be good for me to communicate with the outside world. Keeps up your morale and improves mental health. Sir, yes, sir. Besides, what else am I gonna do with my free time? Write home?
Unfortunately, I can’t tell you where I am. And I can’t tell you what I’m doing here either. All I can tell you is my name. PFC Alex Shepherd. And all you need to know is I’m a million miles from home in the middle of the nowhere, with thousands of people trying to kill me every day.
So how did I get here? Well, I guess I should probably explain.”
“...So you did go to war?”
“Save your questions ‘till the end.”
Joshua crossed his legs on the sleeping bag, scooting just a little closer to Alex, who blocked his view of the book by bending the cover up as a barrier.
“August 4th. Went on patrol today. That’s pretty much what we do every day. I’d give you the details but A: I’d get court-martialed and B: it’s not that interesting. It’s mostly driving around, keeping your eyes open, looking for bad guys. Most of the time, nothing happens. If something does, I’ll let you know.”
Joshua put his hands together in his lap, fidgeting with his fingers. He wanted to ask. He wanted to ask a lot of things. When did this take place? Where is your family? Why are you here, being treated like nothing ? He didn’t though. He messed with his fingers, his eyes on Alex’s pants, so that he wouldn’t ask questions or peek at the book.
“I said I’d tell you how I got here. I guess there are a lot of reasons. They’re pretty much the same as everybody else's. Small town, not many choices. Military dad, military son. I’ll get to him later. Don’t have energy right now.
But I guess the main reason I joined up was I wanted to make a difference, do some good. I know it sounds cheesy, but who knows? Maybe I’ll learn something about myself.
I’m not trying to be a badass or a hero or anything, I just want to do something that matters.”
Alex looked at Joshua. “There’s a lot, you may want to head back.”
“No, I’m… I don’t like the dark.”
Alex laughed, and Joshua blinked and flushed again.
“How old are you?” Alex asked.
“Seventeen,” Joshua muttered. He huffed and tossed a hand up. “I’m not afraid of the dark! I just don’t like the cemetery when it’s dark . It’s normal!!”
Alex’s laugh became smaller, and he bent a leg, resting his arm on his knee. “You’re being serious?”
“Yes. Ugh, just finish your story,” Joshua flopped back against the wall and instantly regretted it when his spin racked against the cement, but he played it off and crossed his arms.
Alex laughed again, his nice laugh. “Okay. August 5th. Today it was so hot I thought my skin was gonna melt right off my body. Our tents have A/Cs, but the cool air never stays in. Still, when you go inside any of the mobile CPs, you stay there as long as you can whether you have any business there or not. It feels good.
I used to love the heat. In the summertime, I would spend every second I could at the beach. My town is on a lake and there were always tourists coming into town to go fishing or boating or whatever.
When I was in high school, I would sometimes work at the docks, filling gas to make some money. The girls who came there on vacation... Don’t even get me started talking about girls while I’m stuck out here.
I guess that’s kind of the point. One of the reasons I left. Things weren’t always so great back there. They weren’t always like the summertime. In fact, most of the time, things sucked.”
Alex continued.
“August 9th. I saw a guy’s legs get blown off today. He was walking patrol alongside an APC when an anti-personnel mine went off on the side of the road. The top half of his body did a backflip and landed right in front of me. Without thinking, I wrapped a tourniquet around each bloody stump and began to give him CPR. I was at it for an hour before the medics showed up. Then I went around the corner and threw up for twenty minutes.
August 10th. I grew up in a small town. I left because I wanted to make a difference and the people around me were too blind to see that I could. I don't care if I ever go back there, but I'd like the people I do care about to know that in a bad situation I did everything I could to make it better. I'd want them to be proud of me…”
He trailed off, and Joshua looked up at him, to see his eyes. The brown-gray orbs were still in his book, and his mouth was shut. It looked like he was done for now.
Joshua pursed his lips and sat forward, resting his elbows on his knees. He looked at the ground before speaking.
“It is hard to make people proud of you. I’m sure whoever you’re talking about is,” he said.
Alex shook his head. “They aren’t, trust me.” He shut his book and put it beside him, on the ground. Then he paused for a moment before looking at Joshua. The teenager looked at him, and he held his book out to the younger brunette.
“...It would be safer with you. You can’t open it, ever.”
Joshua slowly took the book, his eyebrows furrowed and his face confused. Then Alex held up a pinkie, and Joshua pressed his lips together.
“Promise.”
Joshua reached out with his other hand and linked their pinkies together
- 3
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- 5
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Shame	By : Amos Category: +S through Z > Silent Hill Views: 1056 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Konami owns Silent Hill and the characters, I make no money.

Shame