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I'll Never Return...	By : Mina-chan95 Category: +S through Z > Togainu no Chi Views: 158 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This story was made for fun and definitely NOT for making profit or money out of it. Trust me, Mina only sees writing as a hobby and her passion. More important, I do NOT own Togainu no Chi.

Chapter List
- 3
- 4
A/N: Okay,
Guys and gals,
It seems that we finally come to the final chapter.
Yup, in this chapter, our dear little Shiro might learn about the dark side of the military~
Also, I've challenged myself to finish this project before I'll go on the week lasting trip (yup, I'm kinda worried but at the same time so excited~)
Either way,
As always,
Enjoy!~
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A week has passed since Shiro’s training began.
And the gray-haired young man already shows significant results compared to the first day he was brought here.
That’s right, from volunteering to perform the basic tasks, such as cleaning the office or running errands, to navigate without becoming lost.
However, Captain Akira still does not allow him to do the paperwork and only lets him observe.
‘So, the captain still doesn’t trust me enough yet?’ Shiro wonders as he closes his eyes and sighs while hugging the documents.
“However, I wonder what Akira-san could mean by wanting to show me something important.” The gray-eyed secretary murmurs as he picks up a silver pocket watch.
After checking the time and closing the watch, he adds. “In any case, I have to hurry and let him review these papers first.”
But for now, Shiro heads to Akira’s office.
Some time has passed.
After a long walk in the corridor, a couple of secretaries arrive at the iron gate, which Shiro has never seen before.
For some reason, his guts telling him he should turn back and leave.
Despite that, before opening the gate, Akira turns his head and addresses him. “Let’s go.”
No matter how Shiro doesn’t want to go, he understands that he will only get scolded by his senior if he objects.
After he lowers his gaze, he nods. “Yes.”
Even upon entering and taking the first steps into the staircase to the basement, Shiro is already tense.
Just when he thought nothing will beat the intense and cold atmosphere of the office building, he is proven wrong again.
At least by a miracle, Shiro eventually got used to working there as if it was any other job he could imagine.
More importantly, he could still see the daylight and the life on the surface through the office windows and feel like he was in the living world.
However, as he stares into cold, gray concrete walls lighten up with naked light bulbs, he feels like going closer to the gateway to the netherworld.
At this point, it is difficult for him to distinguish which is louder - his heartbeat or the echoing footsteps.
More so, Shiro cannot comprehend how Akira is unaffected by the unwelcoming atmosphere.
‘Perhaps it’s only in my mind. What if the captain only wants me to show me where is the archive? That’s right, there shouldn’t be any reason to be afraid, right?’ Shiro ponders while shrugging and staying close to the military secretary.
After this couple reaches the end, a metal bar door greets them.
When the younger secretary takes a step back, he lands on his bottom and whimpers.
For sure, it makes Akira to turn his head. After he closes his blue eyes, he sighs. “Please be careful.”
While Shiro rests his palms on the stone stairs and tries to get up, he asks. “Sir, where are you taking me? Please… I didn’t do anything wrong. Even if I did, please forgive me!”
Yet, Akira only facepalms and backfires in his usual calm voice. “What are you talking about? If you are going to change me temporarily, then I must prepare you so that you won’t get confused, even for this task.”
As the reserved secretary opens the door, Shiro nods. “Yes…”
Suddenly, the gray-haired male straightens his back upon the door closing behind him.
He follows the military secretary down the dark corridor, feeling goosebumps from the chill air.
More so, the only noise that kills the eery silence is their footsteps. At some point, Shiro can even swear that he can sense the Death itself walking beside them.
Upon reaching the end of the corridor, the gray-eyed secretary notices a pair of guards stationed to the left, standing watch over a secured door.
Even if they are standing still without a single movement, he understands that a single wrong gesture or breath and these men may kill anyone in sight.
‘Just what kind of place is this?’ Shiro ponders.
When Akira approaches the security guards, they salute the military secretary. After they move aside, they open door the door and nod.
Without further ado, he places his hand behind Shiro’s back and gently pushes him forward.
Of course, the gray-eyed secretary has no time for hesitation and enters the protected room.
There’s so little light that only the closing door gap illuminates the room. Even so, they are not alone.
The sound of the rustling chains and the faith moaning with the weak breathing of someone already gives bad shivers down his spine.
Yet, upon the clicking switch, this place lightens up, revealing its form.
Suddenly, Shiro widens his eyes.
As he shakily covers his mouth with his gloved palm, he whispers while leaning against the wall near the exit door that supports his body. “Goodness, gracious me… Where am I?”
Apparently, there is a man in chains wearing torn clothes that resemble the uniform of the recently formed rebel organization. Even through the holes in his tattered outfit, there are visible bruises.
Yet, he shows no signs of life and keeps his hung head.
Meanwhile, Akira walks towards the wrapped water hose hung on the wall.
After the military secretary takes it into his hands and aims at the prisoner, he gazes at Shiro with his ice-cold blue eyes. “Come here.”
Of course, the gray-eyed male’s fear has overtaken his frozen body. However, even in such a state, he knows he is not in a position to disobey Captain Akira.
Shiro heard the talk among the soldiers or even high-ranked generals about how those who dared not follow Akira’s orders or hurt him may face the commander’s merciless judgment.
He also heard Shiki’s personal secretary might be secretly in charge and using the commander as his puppet while whispering to him how to run a country. However, that is only an unproven rumor.
Besides, Shiro noticed the captain is the only person who is not afraid of Shiki while genially believing in him or has never questioned his decisions.
Either way, the gray-eyed secretary forces himself to approach his senior.
After he gets close to the level, he grips it. Unfortunately, no matter how hard he tries to move, it remains still.
“Sir, it stuck. It… it doesn’t move, no matter what I do.” Shiro explains while placing his foot on the wall for a better grip.
Meanwhile, Akira closes his eyes and sighs. “You are turning in the wrong direction.”
“I… I see!” the younger secretary responds.
Soon enough, a powerful stream of freezing water splashes at the prisoner and makes him scream in pain.
“It’s enough. Turn it off!” The military secretary orders him.
This time, Shiro manages to turn off the hose in seconds.
But for now, he lowers his arms and shakes his hands.
Yet, he immediately fixes his posture upon Akira’s strict voice. “You’re finally waking up? Good.”
As the soaked man trembles like a leaf, he closes his eyes and begs. “Please forgive me! I do not know anything! I AM INNOCENT, I SWEAR!”
After Akira tosses the water hose, he backfires while keeping his stoic demeanor. “Is this all you have to say?”
A second later, he turns his head toward Shiro. “Do you see the tool table over there? Please bring me the bullwhip.”
“Y-yes, sir!” The gray-eyed secretary nods and rushes to the end of the room.
Even so, Shiro is confused by such a variety of weaponry. Also, who knows what else is hidden in these rusty metal drawers?
When he picks the first weapon in sight, he hopes that this is what the captain wants.
After he handles a black leather whip, Akira silently nods and asks him while pointing at the exhausted prisoner. “Before we begin, what’s this?”
Shiro gives a questioning look. “Eh?… I don’t quite understand your question, sir.”
However, Akira only closes his eyes and crosses his arms.
After a brief pause, the gray-haired secretary clenches his palms into fists and answers. “Er, a rebel?”
Suddenly, he receives a slap across his face and the captain’s unfriendly reply. “Wrong.”
While Shiro carefully touches his hurt cheek, he nervously bites his lower lip and gives another answer. “A criminal?”
Once again, the room echoes with another harsh hit and Akira’s calm voice. “Try again.”
For now, Shiro shakily closes his eyes and shrugs. “A very bad person?”
Akira only exhales and politely asks. “Is there any other person among us? Please show me because I don’t see anybody aside from us.”
At that moment, Shiro can feel how tense his body is.
However, just as he lifts his arm and points at the chained struggling man, he nearly jumps from the same spot by the cracking whip and that man whimpering.
A second later, Akira scolds the prisoner. “Did you get permission to speak? No? So, stay quiet.”
“S-sir, don’t you think that is too much?” the gray-eyed male asks after nervously swallowing the saliva.
“What are you talking about? Shiro, let me ask you something - what will you do if your crops are being destroyed by the bugs?”
After briefly lowering his gaze, he lifts his gray eyes and replies. “… I would get rid of them or hire who could do it for me, sir.”
“Correct. So, what is the difference between a pest and that man?” Akira speaks and stretches the whip.
Yet, Shiro objects. “But, sir, he is a living person even if he did something wrong.”
In the end, Akira patiently explains. “Wrong. Both are nothing more than insects. One by its nature, while the other one by going against the commander and committing severe crimes. That’s why you should crush them without feeling bad for them. Do insects scream in pain when you kill them? So, let them be while you eliminate these parasites one by one.”
But for now, the blue-eyed secretary adds. “Stand back. As the secretary of the most powerful man in the country, you should never taint your white gloves or uniform with insects fluids.”
After Shiro takes a few steps back, he covers his ears and closes his eyes.
When Akira notices his subordinate’s cowardly behavior, he narrows his gaze. “So, this is how it is…”
Lastly, he approaches the exit door and leaves the room while carrying his trustworthy weapon.
At that moment, Shiro is left alone in the room with a suffering man without knowing what the captain has planned.
Soon, Akira returns. However, he is not alone.
Apparently, the same security guards are behind his back.
After he turns his head, he briefly orders them. “Hold him and make sure that he won’t look away.”.
The guards only nod in synchronicity and follow the command. “Yes, sir.”
Shiro gasps as one man presses his body against him and locks his arms, making sure that he won’t escape.
Such a raw force scares the gray-eyed male, but he understands he cannot fight back on well-trained soldiers.
But for now, as another guard grasps his face and lifts his head, Shiro cannot turn his head.
Lastly, his heart drops to his heels upon hearing Akira’s impersonal voice before he cracks the whip. “Please watch carefully how you should treat the insects.”
Just the sound of the cutting flesh and the prisoner’s screams and cries for help already makes Shiro shiver.
No matter how he instinctively attempts to close his eyes or at least turn his head away, he is forced to witness how the whip gracefully dances in Akira’s hand and tears the prisoner’s skin.
When the gray-eyed male shakily breathes, his skin becomes as pale as a sheet of paper.
Soon, Shiro barely holds back from gagging and throwing out as the piece of the tortured prisoner’s piece of flesh hits the floor.
However, he swallows back the vomit instead of throwing it out and dirtying his and soldiers’ uniforms.
It’s disgusting. It’s wrong. How and why humans are so cruel to each other? Even wild predators are more humane to their caught prey. So, why? Why?! Shiro wonders while doing his best not to cry and feeling the acidic after-taste in his mouth.
Eventually, he cannot remove his eyes from the messed-up view in front of him.
At this point, it’s like watching an awful train wreck. Both are terrifying things, but you are so helpless that all you can do is stare.
In this case, dealing with death and deciding who is guilty and who is not is just a part of the gray routine in the military office.
Even the guards that keep Shiro in his place to observe the captain delivering the punishment to the rebel, as it is nothing new to them.
And these are the same men and women who, after a long day, return to their homes and leave their uniform, can laugh and hug their loved ones, and live an average life like they do not commit these atrocities against humanity… The gray-haired male realizes.
More importantly, the people cherish and respect the military as their heroes because they only see them as protectors of the country, giving them a fake sense of security, without realizing that behind the neat and glamorous uniform, they act like demons.
It’s cruel. However, there is nothing that Shiro can do about this corrupted system nor overturn the ruthless regime.
After all, it’s already decided for him that he is nothing more than another cog in the machine that must live up to someone’s ideals. Shiro thinks as he watches Akira pick his sword from the sheath and cut the prisoner’s life thread.
Some time has passed.
Even after leaving the basement floor, Shiro still cannot comprehend what he had to witness.
But for now, the gray-eyed male finishes washing his face with lukewarm tap water.
As he stares into his reflection in the bathroom mirror, he wipes his face and notices how slightly the colors have returned to his cheeks.
However, that distant gaze in his empty eyes and pale skin remains.
After Shiro closes his eyes and slaps his cheeks, he convinces himself to hurry. After all, he doesn’t want to make the captain wait.
After a while, a couple of secretaries are on their way to the library.
However, only the military secretary’s hit on his head returns Shiro to his senses.
“Please pay attention. Do you know who is in front of you?” Akira reminds him as he slightly frowns.
A second later, the military secretary turns to the commander. After he closes his blue eyes, he lowers his head. “Please excuse me for my disciple’s behavior, sir.”
Yet, Shiro lowers his gaze and murmurs. “I’m sorry…”
Meanwhile, Shiki studies the spacing young man and cracks a smile.
A second later, he addresses his loyal subordinate. “He looks different today. What did you do?”
While Akira keeps his straight back, he honestly responds. “I’ve shown him how he should deal with anyone who dares to go against you, sir.”
“Why?” the commander raises his eyebrow.
Just before the blue-eyed secretary opens his mouth, Shiki interrupts him. “I’ve asked you to train to become your substitute, isn’t it?”
“That’s right! And today I’ve only introduced one of his future duties, sir.” Akira immediately answers.
Yet, the dark-haired male only crosses his arms. “I’m asking you again - Why?”
At first, such a question briefly confused Akira, yet he confesses. “To reduce as much as possible the workload for you if I won’t be able to be by your side. You already carry too much responsibility on your shoulders. That’s why I must prepare someone worthy to serve you.”
These words spark Shiki’s crimson eyes with excitement, but he keeps a proud face while stepping closer to his subordinate. “Hmph. Is that so?”
As he keeps his arms behind his back, he adds. “Are you doubting my power?”
Akira only shakes his head. “No, sir.”
After a brief pause, he places his palm around his heart area and explains with a firm determination. “However, it’s my duty to prepare him for all situations and not to embarrass you by his lack of skills or improper behavior. I know it might be selfish of me. How else I will rest at night by knowing that I didn’t give my best to train him to assist you any time?”
Meanwhile, Shiro silently exhales while holding his arm.
So, does being humane and valuing human life count as a weakness and a bother? The gray-eyed secretary wonders.
In the end, he realizes that he may disappoint Akira by fearing to raise his hand against anybody and not being an excellent secretary. Shiro thinks as he closes his eyes.
But for now, Shiki keeps his poker face. While he holds his chin, he narrows his gaze. “Is that the only thing that concerns you?”
At that moment, Akira loses the gift of speech.
Yet, the commander places his palms on his subordinate’s shoulders.
Such a gesture makes the military secretary widen his blue eyes.
However, he only listens to the reassuring words. “You worry too much. If you won’t be able to carry on your duties, I’ll personally punish anyone who dare to stand in my way. I asked you only to prepare a substitute secretary that will assist me. Nothing more, nothing less.”
As Akira softens his gaze, he nods. “I understand.”
Meanwhile, Shiro only listens to their conversation. Right now, he even lifts his head and hopefully stares at them.
Yet, he isn’t sure if he should be grateful for the commander willing to take this task or feel guilty for exposing his weak side.
Either way, it is still a miracle that he was spared again.
Even if he might not directly inflict damage or kill people, working on the documents may still decide who may or may not live.
Despite that, knowing that he won’t need to see anyone suffering or stain his hands, strangely relieved Shiro as a huge boulder was pushed from his chest.
Lastly, Shiki removes his hands from Akira’s shoulders and addresses him. “Either way, I’ll wait for you in my office.”
As his gaze moves toward Shiro, he orders the younger secretary. “And you. You are dismissed for today.”
“Y-yes, sir!” the gray-eyed male responds. Just before leaving, he bows while checking that his cap won’t fall this time.
A month has passed.
Finally, the important meeting is over, and Shiro can deliver revisited documents to the commander.
However, on his way to the commander’s office, he nearly drops the papers upon noticing Shiki carrying Akira in his arms like a wounded princess and rapidly approaching him.
After taking a better look, the first thing that catches Shiro’s eye is the knife inside the captain’s shoulder and how his uniform jacket slowly soaks in blood.
When Akira shakily grasps around the stabbed area, his chest shakily bloats, and he painfully narrows his gaze.
Lastly, he closes his blue eyes and turns his head away.
Meanwhile, it’s the first time Shiro sees the preserved military secretary in such a state.
Who could do this to him, and how it happened? It can’t be the commander’s work, can it? The gray-haired secretary wonders.
However, his further thoughts are interrupted by Shiki’s strict orders. “Why are you standing here? Fetch medical assistance and summon whoever can attend to wounds to my office, and tell them to escort the traitor to the interrogation room. Immediately!”
Without a second thought, Shiro responds. “Yes!”
Thus, even if he dropped the documents, he ran without knowing where.
As long as he meets anyone soon, that should only matter.
Eventually, Shiro bumps into one of the officers’ back. However, instead of apologizing, he tries to briefly explain the current situation without sounding too nervous to these men.
Fortunately for him, they understand the gray-eyed secretary and act quickly.
A day has passed.
Shiro finally learns that it was a rookie soldier around his age who was responsible for yesterday’s incident.
Apparently, that young man has managed to break into the commander’s locked office. However, his assassination attempt has failed, and Commander Shiki will execute him today.
Meanwhile, the gray-haired secretary still cannot get over how it sounds surreal.
However, he is still Akira’s substitute until he gets well and can serve the ruthless ruler.
Fortunately, unlike the previous time, he has gained a lot of valuable experience from Akira. But he also has higher expectations from Shiki.
Yet Shiro understands better than anyone else that he has no right to refuse but to fulfill his duties.
Besides, he is already a part of this ruthless military. So, he has no choice but to continue living it and never return from where he came from.
After all, upon taking his first steps into the military office, Shiro has already died as an average citizen, a student, a friend, and a son.
Even if he isn’t wearing his uniform, he will still be seen as a military member serving the most powerful person in the country.
In the end, Shiro fixes his cap and uniform before continuing his duties.
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I'll Never Return...