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Shadow of Destiny: The script of sarcasm	By : Shenai Category: -Misc Video Games/RPGs > Walkthroughs/Hints/Spoilers Views: 1697 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the game that this fanfiction is written for, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
- 6
Disclaimer: Dun own it. Wish I did, but I don�t.

Chapter 4.

(This is the chapter where Homy gives his tea and coffee speech! Eike also gets stabbed again but he deserves it for not rooting Homy. I WOULD! �We know.� Akito just said.)

(Chapter starts with a three-second count down. Once the time has elapsed, Eike gets stabbed and dies. Again. Not that we care.)

(Scene reopens up on Homy�s swinging Limbo pad of love, yeah baby yeah. Homy is sitting on top of the doorway, looking cute as per usual.)

Homy: (I�m calling him that from now on, because the other one is too damn long) Are you all right? (Thanks for asking Homy.) Isn�t there any way you can avoid being stabbed to death...? What about putting something like an iron plate under your clothing? (Homy just wants an excuse to look under Eike�s clothing.) And if you make good use of that, perhaps - *Chuckles* please make a good job of it.

(Swirly vortex of Star Trek fans everywhere, then we�re back to the Eike Show! Eike is standing in the exact same spot he was before he got stabbed. He examines the book Mr. Eckart gave him, then opens it up. Inside is an old photo of someone who looks like Mr. Eckart, a little girl holding a baby and a man dressed in a white sheet outfit and mask. It looks like the street performer that Eike saw in Chapter 1. That scene out of the way, the Digipad decides to buzz Eike then. Using it, Eike goes back 100 years in time.)

(Swirly vortex of Star Trek fans everywhere then the date below appears.)
20.03.1902

(Eike pops up down the road from the mansion. The environment is vaguely black and whitish. GET IT??!! B-CAUSE DE P1CTURE W4S IN BL4CK N WH1T3!! GET IT????!! HUR, HUR HUR, THOSE WHILY GAME DESIGNERS BEING ALL TRICKY AND STUFF!! ...Or not. There is a man standing on the hill looking up at the house so naturally Eike has to get his butt over there and provide his cut scene ensuring presence. I really hate this conversation; emphasis on the hate bit. But since you are relying on me to provide you with the entire damn script missy, then I guess I�ll have to do as I�m told. Le sigh.)

(Boring ~ stupid~conversation~of~extreme~boring~stupidity~about~to~commence~WARNING!!~You still here?~WARNING~WARNING!! Danger Will Robinson, Danger!! Okay, I�ll get on with it now and try not to yawn too much.)

(Eike talks to the dude, who looks like Mr. Eckart, except with a moustache. HAR, HAR, HAR, once again those clever game designers have found a way to �subtly� hint that Moustache man and Mr. Eckart are related. HAR, HAR, HAR, THEY S0 D4MN CLVER!! HAR, HAR!! (As you can tell, I am not in a good mood.)

Moustache Man: O-Oh... yes?

Eike: Do you work at this museum?

MM: Museum?

Eike: What? This building is - ?

MM: This? This is my home. We�ve been here for generations as the descendents of the regional, squire, but now... (Yeah I always feel the need to mention my family tree to some random wanker I just met. MM is an idiot.) First it was my parents, now my wife, all in such short time. (We are supposed to feel all bad for MM here, but since I only met the guy two seconds ago, I really just can�t bring myself to care.) That leaves just myself and the two children in this castle of a house. You�re right, it�s too large for just the three of us. (Huh? But Eike didn�t say anything about... *Sighs* Never mind.) Perhaps it ought to be a museum, just as you say.

Eike: (Lowering his head.) I�m sorry...

MM: No, no, I didn�t mean that as sarcasm. Don�t be offended. Actually, I�m grateful for the advice. (He just made a mistake you nimrod, he wasn�t giving you advice!) To tell you the truth, I�d been thinking that I should just get rid of this house � too many memories of my wife to bring me sorrow. But a museum � that�s something I haven�t thought of. Maybe a good thing, a museum. Perhaps this is meant to be. There are enough pictures in that collection of my forbearers. Seems he had an artist he favored. (He, he.)

Eike: You mean Karl Franssen? (Eike favors him too.)

MM: *Looking antsy* How did you know that? (Because heaven forbid that Eike knows the name of the only artist in the entire town.) Are you checking into this house? I don�t remember telling anyone that it was for sale yet. *Makes a fist as though he is going to punch Eike there and then*

Eike: *Raises his hands* No, please don�t misunderstand. It�s just that I happen to like his paintings, and it�s not like � you know...

(Silence for two seconds.)

MM: *Calming down* ...Well, all right then. I�ve made up my mind anyway. I�ll... *looks back towards house.* ... turn a part of this building into a private museum, and open the collection of paintings to the public. That way, I can take care of the children while I work... Besides, I know that there�s at least one admirer of Karl Franssen�s work. All right � that�s what I�ll do! I owe you many thanks. (But he didn�t do anything... all he did was say �Do you work at this museum?� He made a stupid mistake and now the guy is thanking him for his �advice?� Damn these people are weird.) *Puts his hands on Eike�s shoulders.* By the way, allow me to introduce myself, if somewhat belatedly. My name is Alfred Brum. (But I�ll only refer to him as Brum because I think that the name is funn~y. Har, har, har.)

Eike: Nice to meet you. I�m Eike Kusch. (Honest to God, what a little angel.)

Brum: I�m grateful to you, Eike. Come inside where my 8-year-old daughter will proceed to molester and assrape you until you are dead. (Okay, that was just wishful thinking. What he really says is the following: Come inside, we�ll have tea or something. (As Eike: Hmm, coffee or tea...? *Vein pop*)

Eike: Okay.

(They head on inside and I end this merry little scene with the quote I made when I first played this game: �Eike is one of those guys who just makes friends throughout the ages.� Is there anyone who won�t be this guy�s friend by the time the game is through? Apart from the one trying to kill him?)

(The next scene is inside the house obviously. Brum goes through a door into a little sitting room area where a young girl, presumably his daughter, quickly shushes him as she watches over a sleeping baby. At lease I hope it�s his daughter and not... well, uh... lets put it this way... Michael Jackson. If you hadn�t guessed by now, this was the family in the photo. Wow, I bet you never saw that coming.)

Brum: Oops, sorry...

Little girl: He�s just gone to sleep, finally.

Brum: All right then. Come out by yourself, Sibylla. (What an absolutely atrocious name! It�s almost as bad as Gertrude!) Will you make tea for our guest?

Sibylla: *Kind of rolling her eyes* ...If I must.

(Next scene begins with Sibylla entering the other lounge area with the tea tray. Brum, (Isn�t that the name of a little yellow car off of some show on the ABC? That�s just... sad...) is sitting on the couch with his legs spread modestly apart. Eike is sitting on a chair near the table, looking much more ladylike. Sorry, couldn�t help it.)

Sibylla: Here you go.

Brum: Ah, thank you for the tea, dear. Oh yes, I should tell my sweet Sibylla. I�ve decided to turn this house into a museum. What do you think?

(Eike looks at Sibylla who is watching him with an expression of utmost adoration on her face. She seems to have fallen completely head over heels in love with him, just like every other character in this game so far. Unfortunately for Dana, Maragarete, Sibylla and Granny Pedophile; Eike is gay and therefore has no interest in their womanly forms, whatsoever. Well... no he�s not... but he should be... Homy�s bi, so why can�t Eike be too? Ahem, back to the script.)

Sibylla: *Finally tearing her eyes off of Eike* Whatever you decide is always good enough for me.

Brum: Thankyou. I was a little afraid that you would object. *Stretches back a bit, spreading his legs further apart. Brum�s blocky unit. The question: What could I have lived the rest of my life without seeing?*

Sybilla: Oh it�s much, much better then selling this house.

Brum: *Chuckles* I see. I�m sorry I made you worry that much. I know! Let�s have a photograph taken. If we�re going to start a museum, we�ll need to renovate. We�ll all get a picture taken with the house before then. *He stands up, (Thank God) and puts his hands on his hips. Unfortunately he doesn�t do the Time Warp, though that would have been fucking funny.* Please join us, Eike. There�s no time like the present. I�m going to fetch the photographer this instant.

Sybilla: Mr. Franssen? This early in the morning?

Eike: Franssen?

Brum: Oh, yes, he�s descended from the painter Karl Franssen. (I just love how in this time they magically know who they are descended from. I wish I did.) *Not that it matters, but he put his hands on his hips again. I really wanna see him do the Time Warp. I�d rather see Eike and Homy doing it, horizontal style though.* Maybe that�s why he�s a photographer. He�s a good friend of mine. I can count on him to come if I need him. *LOL. Bet Homy wishes that he could use that trick on Eike* Just wait a little while. Sibylla, you hold the fort. And watch the baby, please?

Sibylla: *Feeling really important* Of course.

(Brum leaves to get the photographer to �come.� I just love how he left his daughter there alone with the man he�s known all of five minutes. And they wondered why crime was at its peak in the early 1900�s, I mean God damn who knows what Eike could be? Yeah, well he�s an angel but the point is he may have been a psychopath or something! I knew Brum was braindead.)

(Silence and then Sibylla remembers that Eike is still there and faces him.)

Sibylla: Did you persuade father? Not to sell the house?

Eike: No, I didn�t do anything like that. This is something your father decided on his own. (Thank God someone said it.)

Sibylla: Oh, I see. But I�m awfully glad that the house won�t be sold. *Pushes tea tray towards Eike. He picks up his cup and starts to drink when Sibylla notices a fray in his jacket that is invisible to the rest of us ignorant assholes.* Oh? It�s coming undone here. Give it to me! I�ll mend it for you.

(Pff! Yeah right! The little snit just wants to get Eike�s top off! She is so damn smart!)

Eike: *Clearly not liking the idea* What? That�s okay....

Sibylla: Don�t worry! *Grabs a hold of Eike�s arm* I may look little, but I can do anything. *Whilst she says this she is tugging on Eike�s arm, almost pulling him completely off of his chair on more then one occasion. Words cannot express how amusing it is* Everything besides cooking, that is. That�s for father to wear in the festival soon. *Points to a white sheet costume slung over one of the chairs. It looks vaguely familiar...* I sewed that too, so don�t be shy.

(After a few moments hesitation, Eike stands up and takes off his jacket. Sibylla takes a closer look. He is wearing a sexy black turtle neck underneath that he borrowed off of Homy. As he hands the green jacket to Sibylla he suddenly sneezes. Just to quote: I�ve said it once and I�ve said it again: "All Eike need�s is a black top hat and he�d look like a leprechaun in mourning.")

Sibylla: Are you cold? (Oh God I don�t like where this is going.) If you are, just put that costume over you. I�ll be done soon. (Really hot shot of Eike in his turtle neck looking hot. I love him too.)

(Shot of costume, then a sewing kit, then Sibylla fiddling with the jacket with no needle and thread in sight. See? Told you that she made up that shit about the jacket coming undone!)

Sibylla: There, almost done. *Turns around and laughs* You do look funny.

(Shot of Eike dressed in the Ghosty outfit, complete with mask. He is twitching about a bit looking slightly uncomfortable.)

Sibylla: It suits you. Let�s have the picture taken like that! (Convenient, huh?)

(Eike takes off the mask and does this sexual toss of the head. Didn�t Sybilla say that the costume was originally for her father to wear? How does she expect him to fit into it, when it�s tight on Eike? Gaming lisence: Lisence to bullshit extensively and absolutely nothing has to make sense, because we made the game so nyah.)

(Next scene)

(Eike in costume, with hood off looks around the room.)

Eike: Isn�t there an iron plate...

Sibylla: An iron plate? What do you want something like that for?

Eike: Well, I just kind of need one....

Sibylla: There�s nothing like that here. What is it for? Do you need to grill something?

Eike: No, nothing like that � wait a second.

Sibylla: What is it?

Eike: A frying pan � do you have a frying pan? You must have one.

Sibylla: *Looking downcast* No.... When mother died, Father had all her things taken away. So we only eat what the housekeeper brings nowadays. No one will let me cook yet, you see.

Eike: *Looking so nice, so sympathetic and so damn perfect. Dammit why can�t I find a guy like this?* Oh...

Sibylla: *Getting to her feet* But cafes and restaurants must have lots of frying pans....

Eike: You�re right. Good thinking, Sibylla.

Sibylla: *Puts her hands on her hips and bends her knees in time. Then it�s the pelvic thru~uust, it makes you go insa~ya~ya~yaaaaaane!! Ahem, sorry.* You�re welcome. But it�s too early for any of the shops to be open.

Eike: Oh! Come to think of it, there was a bunch of frying pans in the bar where that fire was during the day...

Sibylla: What is it?

(Eike gets changed back into his normal attire and heads for the door.)

Eike: I�m sorry, but I have something to do. So � see you soon.

(Next scene.)

(Player gets control of Eike and the objective is to go and acquire an iron plate obviously. There are two ways of achieving this. One; you can return to the present and exchange the Scribner�s Egg, (The one that the Street performer threw at Eike with the message inside it.) for a frying pan, or Two; You can run up the road in this time and steal a broken photo shop sign. I opt for the latter because it means I have less diaglogue to write. And if you even think of calling me lazy then I prompt you to look down at the page number bar in the left corner. 15 pages and this is only chapter 4. Now back to the game.)

(I take Eike running up the far right street; Rudolfstr. You have to go to the Photo Shop to get the Photo shop sign. (funny that) Ironically the place where Eike was standing in the present when he got stabbed was outside said shop, so it�s pretty easy to get Eike�s cute little toosh there. That and the fact that I�ve played the game a thousand and one times...

Running, running, running, Eike is panting, panting, panting... heh, heh, I could enjoy this... Oh, here we are! The car from Titanic is parked outside of the shop and Eike pauses for a few moments to think of reenacting that particular scene in the backseat with Homy. Okay, once again that was me. Eike sadly, is straight. I�ll never get over this tragic, tragic fact. The shop sign is swinging away and flashing with green light. Obviously that means it either has gas or Eike can grab it. Let�s got for that second one. Because Eike is so tall and manly it only takes him a little jump to reach the sign and pull it down. It�s not really big enough to protect his entire back but that�s the Gaming Lisence for ya. Let�s just leave it at the fact that it does the fucking job alright? Alright? Anyone who opposes this truth, is a traitor and must be thrown into the Via Purifico.

Mission Accomplished! Eike takes the sign and I run him back to the mansion. It doesn�t stop me from talking to the locals on the way, who are even more disturbing then the present day locals to say the least. One woman says that she and [Brum] are �quite close� then giggles in this really obscene way. Wrong, wrong, wrong... Speaking of wrong; the butcher asks Eike if he�d �Like some meat.� I�m sure he does honey, though I don�t know if your talking about the same meat...

(Next scene: The photograph.)

(Eike enters the room in the mansion and Sibylla immediately notices him. Hell, who wouldn�t?)

Sibylla: Oh, I thought you had to go somewhere.

Eike: No, it�s all right now. Sorry about that.

Sibylla: Oh, I know, will you put that costume back on and be in the picture? Please, please!

(Eike gives into her whining and puts the costume back on. Then, it�s photo time!!)

(Next scene: The photographer is standing there with his neato camera with the hand held flashy device thingy, whilst Brum, Sibylla, Baby and Eike all line up in front of the mansion.)

Mr. Franssen: All right � hold still please!

(The group takes a few seconds to straighten themselves up and then the picture is taken. It is, DUH, the same one that Eike found in the book.)

Brum: Thank you very much. Sorry I dragged you out of bed. (Goes over to the photographer. I notice how Brum was extra careful to say before that Mr. Franssen was just his �good friend� but all this talk about bed�s and the closeness between them, makes me think that the two are actually gay lovers. After all, you don�t let just anyone �drag you out of bed.� And Brum did take an awfully long time to get him out of said bed; long enough for Eike to run all over town, acquire a shop sign, chat with the natives, flirt with a butcher and have long dialect with Sibylla. I think that Mr. Franssen dragged Brum �into� bed not out of it.)

Sibylla: *To Eike* Thank you to you too. You can change back now. (Carries the baby back inside.)

Eike: (Removing mask) That�s right, I should get changed.

(Next scene: Inside mansion.)

(The camera does a not so subtle pan out of a shelf containing some keys before coming to rest of Sibylla. Eike enters the room still wearing the Sheet outfit.)

Sibylla: Oh? I thought you�d changed already?

Eike: What? Oh, not yet.

(Eike changes back into his normal attire and as he slips on his Leprechaun jacket the store sign falls out and clutters to the floor. Guess Eike forgot to put it in his inter dimensional pocket.)

Sibylla: That...sign? Do you always carry it around?

Eike: *Picking it up* Oh, that. It�s a long story....

Sibylla: *Looks a bit puzzled but lets it go*

Eike: *Heading for the door* I�m sorry, but I have something I need to do. So � see you soon.

Sibylla: Come again soon. You can use that key as much as you want.

Eike: What?
Sibylla: I saw you.

Eike: What are you talking about?

Sibylla: What�s the matter? You have to got somewhere, right? You shouldn�t be late. (Yeah Mr. Killer might get cranky if Eike doesn�t show up in time to get murdered for the 56 billionth time.)

Eike: *Just stares at her for a bit* Oh, that�s right. Okay, see you.

(Leaves room and walk�s toward the front door. He stops just outside it.)

Eike: No, I should go back to the present from here where other people can�t see me.

(So that�s what I do. Eike goes flying through the Swirly Vortex of Star Trek fans everywhere and is plonked back down in the present right outside the photo shop. The little three-second timer starts up and the player must select the sign from the options screen so that it can be used to stop the attack. So that�s what I do. DUH~RUH, SH3N41 IS S0 SM4RTT!!1!

The stabbing happens and Eike cries out as a metallic thud issues from his back. He falls flat on his face and the little black book falls out of his jacket and onto the ground beside him. When I say little Black book I am not referring to the one containing a list of Eike�s sexual conquests. That would be the shortest book ever written. After a while, Eike raises his head, looks around then slowly starts to sit up. As he does, the sign falls out the back of his jacket onto the ground. Eike sits legs splayed out beneath him and exposits; "Phew!" to us so that we know just how relieved he is. Wait, that came out wrong...)

Eike: *Picking up sign and looking at it* I guess I managed to escape, thanks to this thing.... *Notices that the picture has come out of the book and picks it up. Some; "Whoa-this-shit-is-really-kinda-freakin�-me-out" music starts to play as Eike examines the picture.* But this guy � he looks exactly like the street performer that gave me the letter....

(A clickity-clack of compressing heels signals Homy�s arrival. Yep, there are those infamous bunny gumboots that pass infront of each other as he approaches making him look like a bloody Miss America teen contestant. Still.... he�s so damn cute you can�t help but forgive him.)

Homy: You see, that street performer is you. But of course from a different time. *Crosses his arms and looks smug. Need I mention he adds to the Miss America comparison by putting on this weird kind of schoolgirl pose? No? Didn�t think so.*

Eike: What does this mean?

Homy: *Still looking smug* It means that you were stabbed to death because you didn�t have that iron plate, and decided to somehow find a iron plate before the appointed time of death �

Eike: - by ordering me to get an iron plate before I got attacked?

Homy: That�s right.

Eike: This is making my head spin. (Eike�s possessed by the devil?) For one thing, I don�t remember anything like that. And nothing about writing that egg-letter....

Homy: *Chuckles* I suppose that�s true. Fate branches out into many paths but a person can only choose one of them. And the tracks left on that path wear down grooves that become memories... But what you�re doing right now is experiencing just the end results of different forks. If you shift around in your own timeline again and again, this kind of thing is bound to happen. Think about it. If you didn�t travel back in time, you shouldn�t have any memories other then those of receiving a letter from a mystery man, acquiring a metal sign because of that letter by pure chance, and having your life saved by the same store sign because of an amazing coincidence. And a chance occurrence of someone who looks exactly like the mystery man being in that photograph. (Whilst he said that bit, from �Think about it� onwards, little cut scenes were being shown in correspondence to what he was saying. In order it shows: The Street Performer throwing the egg to Eike, Eike getting the metal sign, Eike after being stabbed and then saved by the store sign then a close up of the street performer�s face in the photograph.) That�s all isn�t it? Of course, the odds are rather astounding.

Eike: *Sitting on the ground again for God knows what reason* I�m not sure whether I got it all or not....

Homy: Hmm, Now, there�s no need to force yourself to understand. Things sometimes happen that even I don�t understand. (Though it is probably a very rare occurrence.)

Eike: *Getting to his feet* Okay, then what happened to the me that wrote the letter in the egg?

Homy: *Shrugs* I can�t tell you - (It�s a secret.) except to say somewhere on the crossroads of an infinite number of possible outcomes.... (Here it comes! Are you all psyched up! Gosh, I sure am!) Well, let�s try an analogy. (Oh BTW as he says this speech it shows Eike sitting at the little cafe table, living out the analogy itself.) It may seem trivial, but suppose you�re in a cafe trying to decide between coffee and tea. The you that chooses coffee, after a long deliberation, and the you that chooses tea actually both exist. Except that your fates now diverge at that point and there is no way that either of you can possible know what happened to the other one. If we suppose that the you that chose coffee then can�t decide whether to put cream in �

Eike: I think I�m okay... So you mean that the "Eike who chose coffee" caught a peek at the continuation of the "Eike who chose tea", in a way?

(Scene goes back to Eike and Homy.)

Homy: *Peeved deep down because he couldn�t rant on about on about putting cream and sugar and marshmallows and lemon slices and so on and so forth into coffee and tea which would result in a billion and one Eike�s running around which of course as we all know is his dream come true.* Something like that. (He says to me.) If you hadn�t had a metal sign back there � well, then. There would have been a you that found one, or something like it, at any cost. That�s all there is to it. So.... *He raises his arms and does his shifty out sequence of over the top red globules*

Eike: *Bends over and puts his hands on top of his knees. Why he�s doing this now that Homy is gone I don�t know. Eike is thick.* Wow...

(That�s it for chapter 4 thank God. The next one looks to be even longer unfortunately, so I need to take a long break before getting stuck into that. Sayonara!)
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Shadow of Destiny: The script of sarcasm