Adult-FanFiction.org : Games

The High Cost of Perfection	By : Nicker Category: +M through R > Mass Effect Views: 23047 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Mass Effect and the characters are owned by Bioware. I make no money from this story.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
- 6
A/N: For the first half of this chapter, I had this picture open in another window:

http://patryk-garrett.deviantart.com/art/Mass-Effect-3-Miranda-193679655

The tiny ship slipped out of of the mass relay jump and slowed down to cruising speed, setting an elliptical course to Horizon on the opposing side of the sun relative to the relay’s orbit. The scout ship has seen better days, but it was spaceworthy and had enough room for a four person crew, which was more than enough for Miranda. She stacked it up with supplies for six, converting one set of bunks into more storage. She only planned for two passengers anyway.
It was a dingy old craft, one of the first line of exploring vessels, which saw a lot of rebuilds. She didn’t mind the loose wirings or hanging panels, though. It became her home for the last few weeks, and she got more attached to it than to her quarters on the Normandy. She felt safe here, in control. Outside, it was a dangerous world.
She had to admit, that she didn’t sleep well, even in her little safe haven. Whenever she could fall asleep, many times she would wake up, sweating and gasping for air, from one of two dreams that battled for dominance over her subconscious. In one, she saw Henry, holding Oriana in front of him, her body limp and bloody, full of cuts, wires hanging from her wounds and circuits covering her skin. When she woke up from that, she became anxious, restless, thinking about the worst things that Henry could have done. It took her so much time to trace his steps from Illium to Horizon; every day she didn’t make progress, she cried from the frustration.
The other dream was more treacherous, because she could never tell if it was real until she woke up screaming. It involved Shepard, sneaking into her quarters in the night while she slept. He clasped his hand over her mouth, pinning her down on the bed and tore off her clothes while she struggled. Sometimes she could see Liara in the background, smirking. She never managed to wake up before he started to violate her. It sent her into a sobbing fit, and going back to sleep was out of the question after that.
She had to admit that she cried a lot these days.
In those waking hours she walked around with a permanent, distant expression etched on her face, while she perfected the ship’s safety and security measures. It was keyed to hers and Oriana’s DNA, voice, prints, and their needs. They could survive in there for quite a while.
If not working on the ship, she made an effort to look decent enough and worked on her other project, recording a set of messages and logs, documenting her journey. Obviously she made backups and left them at safe places on more than one world.
She tried to stay busy, to keep her demons at bay, who seemed to roam free in her mind if she was too idle, ever since… well, since then. She hoped it would all be over before she would start to argue with imaginary people and see ghosts on the ship. She was careful with self-medication, only taking drugs to keep herself sharp, nothing that would dull her mind. That meant no anti-depressants or sleeping pills. That meant enduring her demons.
When there was nothing to do, she sat down in a little nook just behind the cockpit in the dim corridor, where she could lean her back against the bulkhead and reflect on her road so far. Whenever she stayed on the ship, which was almost every time, even when docked on a planet or space station, since she did not trust hotels or any public building any more, she ended up here in her small shorts and a tank-top, her new “uniform” as she called it. When she left the ship, she disguised herself as the still fearsome Miranda Lawson, getting all the information she needed. She wasn’t forgiving or compassionate when anybody tried to stall her or hold back on her. Dead bodies and broken bones marked her path from Illium to the Iera System. She predicted the pattern would follow when she lands on Horizon.
But on the ship, she felt more comfortable in the shorts and top only. It had a calming effect on her, when she was alone in the confined space of her ship. It should have felt like a prison, claustrophobic, where she locked herself in voluntarily, but instead she found it comforting, cozy. She had the opportunity to sort out the mess in her head. Like a walkabout.
The balance was simple; she ended up with nobody around her, nobody missing her and nobody who could harm her or whom she could inadvertently harm. She found it a pretty fitting allegory, that she was locked in a small container, adrift in endless space. She almost liked it when she was on the move. Gradually, she made peace with her fate.
She also came to the conclusion that it was all her fault. Yes, Liara may have been infatuated with Shepard and was immature about it, but she was right: Miranda did steal him away from her. She put her own happiness ahead of Shepard’s and Liara’s. She had to realize she was selfish all her life: thinking only about her sister instead of others, believing the lie of Cerberus about advancing humanity, when she was smart enough that she should have known better.
And then, her final sin was falling for Shepard and letting him think that it meant something. Not only that, but she, in a moment of selfish weakness, let him talk her into one last goodbye sex, when she should have stayed strong and not give him false hope.
Yes. All-in-all, she deserved what she got. She didn’t learn the lesson from Liara, but that was because Liara said the wrong reasons. She was weak and ran to Jack on Elysium, which was a very selfish thing to do again, not fair to Shepard and to Jack. Although Shepard probably didn’t know about that, she deserved to be punished for that, too.
Finally she learned the lesson, though, Shepard, of course, had it right. That’s why she needed to make amends, starting with apologising to Jack.
There was a tiny, faint voice in the back of her mind that doubted the basis of her whole reasoning, some speck of rationality arguing, that while the conclusion was logically drawn, the premise was faulty. That she had the right to be weak from time to time. That she didn’t have to be perfect. Fortunately, Miranda learned to ignore these voices. These were the thoughts that lead to her downfall. She wasn’t going to make the same mistake again.
The autopilot beeped, signaling the three hour warning before entering the atmosphere. It meant, that in two hours she needed to start the pre-entry checks.
Miranda sighed, her eyes focusing back into her reality, to the present. She had a few more messages to record, that she delayed until the last possible moment. She didn’t look forward to them, but she needed to get them done. She needed to be thorough.
* * * * *
Nothing prepared her for what was waiting on Horizon. She heard about Sanctuary from countless sources during her search, refugees whispering about it hopefully, flocking there in great numbers, or desperately trying to get there. Miranda didn’t have the heart to tell them, that no world was safe from the Reapers. She saw too much during the fight with the Collectors to have such false hope.
But the reality of the Sanctuary was as shocking as those images of the invasion on Earth. Even when she landed, she could see that something was not right. It was too quiet, and the communication panel in the cockpit also showed strange readings. She didn’t receive any pingback from the orbiting satellites and stations.
Inside it became clear that something horrible happened, signs of rioting and firefights were everywhere. She wished she knew what she was getting into. She felt utterly ill-prepared and under-armed for this. Still, every clue and signal told her that Oriana was around here. She marched forward.
Once she managed to get into the Sanctuary arcology, she had to be more careful, try to stay out of sight. She could see Cerberus troops moving about, patrolling, subduing anybody trying to fight back or escape.
Getting deeper inside the complex, it was like entering new layers of hell. With a little bit of luck and lots of patience, she snuck past guards, turrets and sensors, stealing entry cards or hacking terminals. It took her hours to reach levels which normally would have taken her minutes to walk to.
She was gradually losing this game of hide and seek with the troops when, predictably, the Reaper invasion arrived, creating enough stir and chaos in the ranks that she could move a bit easier. It also meant that she had only as much time to find her sister and get out, as it took the Reapers to overwhelm the defenses. Knowing Cerberus, they would pull out as soon as they got what they wanted.
And she had a pretty good idea what they were after, as accessing terminals revealed her father’s plans. The scientist in Miranda knew what to do: document everything and get the word out. She recorded a message and tapped into the communications to spread it planetwise. She also needed to disable the scrambler, while leaving logs, like a trail of breadcrumbs, through the facility that explained the twisted plans of Henry Lawson.
After a while, she was unable to avoid confrontation, caught between the two forces, both attacking her on sight. She managed to get away from them with only a few scrapes and bruises, but it was enough to slow her down. She was running out of time and strength, while they could ambush her around every corner. Finally she locked down most of the facility, trapping many of the battling forces inside. She hoped they would thin each other out by the time she had to deal with them.
She was almost at the communications tower, getting very close to catching up with his father. She could track his moves and she was relieved to see that Oriana was alive and well, dragged along with him. She was so close—
—the ceiling hatch in the lab burst open and a blurry figure dropped to the ground, too quick for Miranda to react. She staggered backwards and fell, quickly scrambling to her feet and turning towards her latest attacker. She froze.

“You!” she gasped, recognizing Kai Leng. In that one second it took for the assassin to leap forward, she realized her fatal mistake. She underestimated Cerberus. She was too preoccupied with finding her sister that she forgot to read the signs. She also made the mistake of thinking Kai Leng was gone. She knew it was over, then.
The short blade pierced her side, rupturing her kidney as it passed through, emerging out her back. She let out a painful groan, grabbing Kai Leng’s chest with both hands as she fell against him, the strength running out of her legs and the pain blinding her for a few seconds.
Kai Leng slowly let her sank to her knees, following her, letting her hang onto him as he leaned close to her ear.

“The Illusive Man sends his regards.” He growled, and yanked the blade free, making Miranda gasp in pain again, eyes opening wide and staring at him incredulously. She clawed at his chestplate as he slowly stood up, stepping back with a smirk. He lifted his sword for a deadly strike as Miranda fell forward.
An explosion rocked the structure, sounds of battle filtering in from close by. Enemies were getting closer. Kai Leng took one quick glance at her and with a disdained snort, he slipped out the door.
Miranda was on her hands and knees, staring at the floor as she tried to blink the tears of pain from her eyes. She pressed a hand to her wound to stop the bleeding, but of course it was not enough. She felt warm blood soak her suit and her palm, already dripping out between her fingers. She wheezed, gasping for air, her mind desperately trying to assess the situation and calculate odds. It was much harder with the searing pain in her side.
She realized what this meant and she let out a desperate sob, trying to find some strength. She was so close! She can’t stop now! God, just a little more strength, please! She forced herself to stop crying and blinked the tears out of her eyes.
She made it to the door on her hands and knees and pulled herself standing with one hand. Grabbing her pistol she opened the door and staggered out into the corridor. Kai Leng was long gone.
Somehow she reached the main door, but she had trouble retracing her steps from the moment she stood up. She was dizzy, and started shivering from the blood loss. Just a little more time! she screamed in her head as the door opened.
And there he was, spinning around, Henry Lawson, a man she hadn’t seen in twenty years, holding her younger self by the arm, yanking her before him for cover. Miranda tried to raise her gun, gritting her teeth and snarling, but she didn’t have the strength.
“Ah, the prodigal child returns,” Henry sneered. There was no trace of fatherly compassion in his voice. “How fitting.”
“Let. Her. Go.” Miranda growled, feeling her eyelids getting heavy. She struggled to keep them open and point the gun at him. It was useless, though, she couldn’t aim straight in her condition. She noticed blood on his arm, trickling from a nasty wound. It wasn’t completely hopeless, Miranda thought.
Oriana glared at her in fear and bewilderment, whispering Miranda’s name in surprise, her face pale, but otherwise she seemed to be unharmed.
“Now why would I do that? We should rejoice. A family reunion, at last! You have no idea how much I missed your sister. You, too, but for different reasons.”
“Just. Let. Her. Go.” Miranda repeated. Her world was slowly collapsing on itself, shrinking to this single room with the two people in it, who defined and controlled her entire life. There was only a tiny period, a couple of months, when her existence was not about them, but about herself, a glimpse of a world where she was content and living her own life. It seemed so ridiculous now.
Henry was telling something, but the sounds were getting muffled, and all she could see was the desperation on Oriana’s face as she was looking at her. Judging by her stare, Miranda knew she wasn’t worried about herself.
Miranda licked her dry lips, planning to repeat her mantra again, when her legs gave up and she fell to her knees, groaning in pain and frustration. She would fail at only inches from her goal. It was not fair.
Sounds returned suddenly as the door burst open and people were pouring in. She lifted her head towards the noise. Of course. It was Shepard, his crew behind him, guns at the ready. The cavalry, for once in her life, coming in time for the rescue.

“Shepard!” she gasped.

“Commander Shepard.” Henry snarled. “Excellent timing.”
Shepard was approaching with a raised gun, a burly marine with tattoos circling to the left and Garrus edging to the right.

“Put the gun down.” Shepard warned with a surprising amount of aggression in his voice.

“No! Oriana tried to shoot me. Miranda’s poisonous influence, no doubt.”

“I’m sorry she missed. Where’s Kai Leng?”

“I don’t know. Gone. He took my research and left us here to die.”
Shepard looked to the side, checking on Miranda.

“Miranda. Can you hear me?”

She couldn’t reply, but she leaned on a table next to her and with superhuman strength she stood up. She had to show it to them. Both of them.

“That’s close enough! Both of you!” Henry yelled, lifting the gun and pointing at them from behind Oriana. “Kai Leng didn’t finish the job but I will.”
“This ends here,” Shepard hissed threateningly.

“On the contrary. Now that the Reapers are taken care of, we have a way out.” Henry lectured quite confidently. Shepard was apparently not interested.

“Let her go.” He warned, raising his voice. Shepard’s crew spread out, covering him from every possible angle. There was no way out for Henry Lawson.
“Shepard…” Miranda groaned. “Don’t let him take her,” she begged. Whatever happened between them, she could only hope that he would protect her sister.
Shepard shot a glance at her. He heard her all right, but he didn’t need her reminder to push this. There was a seething rage in his eyes. He was boiling even before he stepped into the room.
“You try to leave with her, you die.” He declared, presenting it as a plain fact to a particularly stupid opponent. “Let her go and maybe you walk.”

“I’ve done nothing to you!” Henry shouted back, shifting behind his daughter.
Oriana kept her eyes on Miranda, ignoring the exchange completely. Miranda looked into her eyes and saw the sorrow in them.
“This isn’t about you and me.” Shepard hissed, raising his voice. “Let her go and walk away. I won’t say it again!”
There was a moment of silence in the room. Three guns were pointing at Henry Lawson, and he must have seen no mercy in their eyes, because after a few more heartbeats, his hands started to tremble. Shepard had this effect on people.

“All right. Take her.” He snarled, throwing Oriana to the ground. “But I want out alive. Deal?”
Miranda, however, was not negotiating. Seeing her opportunity, she gathered her remaining strength and put thirty years of anger and frustration into one huge biotic blast that slammed Henry Lawson into the five inch thick, cracked glass, pulverizing his spine while the mass effect field shattered the glass behind him. He fell screaming into his death below.
“No deal,” she hissed.
It was over. It was done, Henry was dead and with it, her life was complete, too. She felt something tear inside her when she hurled that blast, and she collapsed with the pain that radiated through her torso.
She heard Oriana scream her name and then she was next to her, rolling her onto her back, tears streaming down her face, trying to pull her into her lap.

“Miranda… I’m sorry…”
Miranda took a deep breath. It felt different, somehow, like a gigantic weight was lifted from her. She felt light. She tried hard to focus on Oriana’s lovely face and smiled.
“Shh, listen to me… listen. I wanted you to have a normal life... Marriage, children. Things I could never have.” She pressed the words out with great effort, hanging onto her gaze. Her arms felt so warm around her. She was fading fast.
“I know. I just wanted my sister.”
Miranda let out an exhausted sigh, closing her eyes for a second. All was well. Oriana will have a life. Tears were streaming down her face, and she saw them on Oriana’s cheeks, too. She felt sorry. She felt sorry that Oriana had to see all this, that she had to see their father responsible for all the horrors, had to see Miranda like this, that she will have to live with these memories from now on. And she felt sorry for herself. She would have wanted to see what Oriana could achieve. It would have been nice to have a life.
“I love you, Ori.” That was all she could manage, pouring all her remaining thoughts into that simple sentence.

“I love you, too.”
Miranda felt a shadow on her right, Shepard kneeling down next to her with terrible pain in his eyes. They all gathered around them, and she saw Liara approaching hesitantly, standing behind Shepard with a haunted expression. He reached towards her, but Miranda whimpered and tried to pull away, deeper into Oriana’s embrace. The shock and hurt flashing in his eyes made her heart wrench.
Crying openly now, she held his stare. She was mourning what could have been their lives together, but there was nothing she could say now to absolve him. She wasn’t finished just yet either. She was breathing harder now, every movement an enormous effort, her own bones feeling heavy, crushing her chest. She scrambled for her belt and detached a tracker from it, that slipped from her trembling fingers and fell on the floor between them.
“Before… Kai Leng… left… planted… tracer on him.”

Shepard slowly looked down at the tracker and lifted it up like it was the most delicate thing in the universe.

“A tracer? You thought of everything…”
Miranda blinked, clinging onto Oriana’s arms while she took another harrowing breath. She wanted to deliver her closing argument. She even managed a short glance at Liara, who looked genuinely shaken and was watching the exchange silently.
“Not… everything. Nobody’s… perfect.” There. That was it. All debts paid in full. Good timing as well, because the world went dark and she was left alone in that darkness. She knew her eyes were open, but she was blind. She turned her eyes to where she suspected Liara would be.
She couldn’t move her arms.

One more breath, come on.

“No… more… running…” she exhaled, closing her eyes.
One more breath. She heard someone shouting and squeezing her. What more did they want from her? She gave everything. She was so tired.
It was time to rest.
- 4
- 5
- 6
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

The High Cost of Perfection