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Lacrimosa	By : Ayamuri Category: +A through F > DRAMAtical Murder Views: 1285 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own DRAMAtical Murder, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
I woke up early the next morning, just as the sunlight was filtering through my window. The night before came back to me in bits and pieces before forming a whole picture. A shameful blush crept across my cheeks, but I didn’t have time for that right now. I immediately hopped out of bed and snatched off all the covers. Tip-toeing downstairs, I slipped into the tiny laundry room and dumped everything into the washer.
With that taken care of, I took a quick, hot shower, washing off all the traces of last night. Or, almost all of them. Sei’s scratches stung from the water. The shame came back to me as I realized I would have to explain to Noiz how I’d gotten them. Hopefully I’d think of something before I got there.
Once back in my room, I packed up the remainder of my clothes and started to sort what was going with me and what would stay. In the end, I left my entire music collection to Sei and only added a few gifts I’d gotten for my birthday that year. By the time I was finished, I heard the washer give a buzz, announcing it was done. I had just finished moving everything to the dryer when I heard the front door unlock.
I froze for a moment, hidden behind the closed laundry room door. I knew Granny was only now returning but for some reason, I felt that if she saw me, she’d be able to instantly guess everything that had happened. I heard her footsteps inside the entryway, taking off her shoes and sliding into her house slippers. I tracked her movement as she made her way down the hall, seemingly heading to her downstairs bedroom.
“Ohayo, Aoba,” she called to me through the door before she went in her room.
How the hell did she know I was in here?! My cover blown, I sighed and started the dryer.
Feeling too anxious to go back to my room, I started cooking breakfast. I wasn’t too bad of a cook, though I definitely preferred Granny’s food over my own. But I figured she was pretty exhausted since she was only now coming home. Shortly before it was finished, Sei entered the kitchen, his hair wet from his own shower. Our eyes met briefly—there and gone—before he made his way over to a cabinet to take out some plates and glasses. Breakfast was done by the time he’d finished setting the table.
Granny came out her room to eat and chided me on all the things I could’ve done to make the meal better. I didn’t take offense though and mentally jotted down the notes to transfer to Ren later so that I could continue to improve. So far, I hadn’t had to, but I wanted to cook for Noiz one day and when I did, I wanted to know for certain that he’d enjoy it.
Oh no…more thoughts of Noiz. I lowered my eyes and hoped no one had seen my guilty expression. I quickly shoveled food in my mouth to hide it in which Granny began to chastise me more. That was fine, I deserved to be told off but not for the reason she thought.
Once the meal was finished, Sei headed off to work. I reset my bed with the clean sheets and finally powered Ren back on, putting him into the small bag I usually kept with me. Granny was getting some much needed sleep so I figured I’d take the time to say my goodbyes to my friends.
Koujaku wasn’t home when I knocked on his door, which was a little curious but not completely unusual. Depending on the client he had, he might’ve stayed the night…
I swallowed the dryness in my mouth and instead headed off in a completely different direction. Soon I was in familiar alleyways, tag art appearing on the walls designating it as Dry Juice territory. A few of the members waved to me as I passed and I asked them where I could find Mizuki. They pointed me to his tattoo parlor and sure enough, when I arrived at Black Needle, he was there and was in the midst of setting up for the day.
That also solved the mystery of where Koujaku had gone as well as he was leaning against the front counter talking to Mizuki. Both looked up and smiled when they saw it was me and I felt my previous nervousness ease a little.
“Oi, Aoba!” Koujaku called and we traded a friendly hug when I got close. “You’re leaving today, right? This time is it going to be official?”
“Well…that’s the general idea.” Ideally, Noiz wanted me to move to Germany for good with visits to Midorijima. I was fine with that, but I repeatedly told him that I was nervous about living in a country where I didn’t know the language. He promised to help me though but unfortunately, I hadn’t made much progress so far.
“So long as you don’t forget about us,” Mizuki said with a grin. “If you get tired of the fantasy games of Rhyme, there’s always a spot for you on my team.”
“Tch, I knew him first, he’d join Beni-Shigure before he’d ever join Dry Juice!” Koujaku informed him, but then asked, “Right, Aoba?”
Before I could say anything, Mizuki cut in. “Maybe you’ve known him longer but we’re the strongest Rib team. He’d be crazy not to join us, eh, Aoba?”
“What?! Beni-Shigure is clearly better—“
The front door flew open and in an excited blur, I caught only a glimpse of Clear before he was pulling me into a tight squeeze. “Aoba-san!” he gushed, rocking me roughly side to side. It took him a moment to finally set me back down and then he stood there with his hands in his deep pockets, smiling.
“Good morning, Clear,” I greeted him, trying to make my head stop spinning. “Any plans for today?”
Clear launched happily into a monologue of having found some old decorative glass cups in one of the junkyards located in the Northern District, thrilled at having something so rare to add to his collection. I half listened, also watching as Mizuki and Koujaku’s argument dissolved into being decided by an arm-wrestling match. Ren poked his head out to also watch and to talk to Beni.
Suddenly, Clear stopped himself, as though a new idea had crossed his mind. “Aoba-san, you’re not going to be back for a very long time, are you? I’m really going to miss you.”
I was reminded of when Sei had said those words to me and shuffled uncomfortably. “Yeah, I’ll miss you too, Clear. I’ll miss all of you,” I admitted.
“The same goes for me,” Ren intoned.
Clear took notice of him and immediately lifted him out of my bag. “Ren-chan~!” He sang and began to chant “Fluff fluff fluff! Fluffy fluff fluff!” as he nestled his face in Ren’s fur. Although Ren begged for my help, it was pretty cute to see those two and I took my time coming to his rescue.
We all spent the morning and afternoon hanging out and chatting. My flight was scheduled to leave this evening to where I’d return to Germany early in the morning there. Finally, I said goodbye to my friends, promising to call them and to keep them updated. I was feeling marginally better as I headed back home when my Coil began to ring.
Noiz.
He was probably calling to make sure I had everything packed or to set the final details of picking me up from the airport. Either way, my fingers shook as I pressed the answer button.
“Hi, Noiz,” I said casually.
“Sei told me everything,” were his first words.
I couldn’t have been more floored if a train had hit me. I came to a complete halt as a cold numbness ran through my body. “…Sei?”
I heard him grunt affirmative. “Yes, Sei. Your twin brother. He told me everything.”
No…no, this couldn’t be happening. “Listen, Noiz—“
“We’re done,” I heard him say, his voice cold. The line instantly went dead.
I was so stunned, I didn’t even try to call back. My feet mechanically began to move again but my mind now had a million things to think about. Noiz knew about everything. Noiz was breaking up with me. He didn’t want to be with me. Never wanted to speak with me. Would never want to see me.
I had lost Noiz forever.
A sob escaped my throat before I could even register that I was about to cry. Ren asked me multiple times if I was okay and what was wrong but I didn’t answer him. I needed to get back to the house.
I ran the rest of the way home and tore down the front hall without even taking off my shoes as I should’ve. I bounded the stairs and made my way to the room just across from mine. Without knocking, I barged in.
Sei only worked a half day on weekends and was home, sitting on his bed with his knees pulled up. I didn’t notice the remorseful expression on his face. I didn’t register when he opened his mouth to say something to me. None of that mattered. The instant I was close enough, I slapped him, hard, across the face.
“You had no right!” I screamed as he fell off the bed. His hand went to his cheek and he tried to crawl away but I snatched his arm and pulled him back up. I held him there as I slapped him again on the other side, his whimpering cry pissing me off even more. I roughly grabbed his hair and threw him to the floor where he curled up in a ball to defend himself.
“It wasn’t your place to say anything to him!” I yelled, standing over him as he flinched away from me. Dimly, I could hear Ren shouting my name and also calling for Granny. I was too furious to care. “You choose the damndest times to want to be a little goody-goody. You fucking seduce me and then have the nerve to tell Noiz about it? Thanks to you, he never wants to see me again!”
“Aoba, I’m so sorry—“
“Sorry won’t bring him back!” I shrieked, almost hysterically. This wasn’t like me. I was becoming a monster and couldn’t stop myself. I wanted to reset time and undo everything but I couldn’t so I took that frustration out on Sei. “Do you get some kind of sick satisfaction out of this, hm?”
“No, I swear, I didn’t mean—“
“You were fucking jealous of me and Noiz! You admitted it yourself. You wanted to keep me all to yourself, that’s why you did it!”
“NO!” Sei was sobbing now, covering his ears.
“At least own up to what you did!” I snarled, getting down and pulling him close by his shirt. “At least have the fucking decency to admit it! You couldn’t stand the idea of me leaving you behind, of me being with someone else, so you split us up—“
“Yamate kudasai!” he shouted, begging me to stop. His eyes met mine and a jolt ran through my body. A second later, a pounding headache crashed through my skull but try as I might, I couldn’t break Sei’s hold. He was using Scrap on me.
In a desperate attempt to maintain control, I tried to use my own power on him. “Release me!” I commanded, but Sei’s eyes didn’t even flicker. He’d had a lifetime of using his powers compared to me only having just fully discovered them this past year. He overpowered me and while my mind was transported elsewhere, I felt my body go limp and fall to the floor.
As he was the one to enter into my mind, we were taken to a location that I knew. I must’ve been thinking of it subconsciously as I found that we arrived somewhere I hadn’t been to since I was a child. The sunset beach where my father had found me.
Sei was already sitting in the sand at the water’s edge, staring absently out at the waves. The scenery was so real, I could hear the water and smell the salt in the air. As I watched him, I was surprised that I wasn’t angry anymore. Instead, I felt a profound sadness, making my chest hurt.
I walked over and sat beside him, neither of us speaking for a while. For a moment, we could forget the real world here, in this place where time had stopped, where each second would be the same as the last. It was tempting. I no longer had much of anything waiting for me back on the other side. Here would be as good a place as any to retreat.
Eventually, I became aware that Sei was watching me out the corner of his eye. When he noticed that I knew, he smiled hesitantly. “Things got pretty ugly out there, didn’t they?”
“.…” I was already feeling bad about that.
“It’s okay, Aoba,” he said tenderly, his smile widening. “I don’t blame you. This is my fault.” His eyes slowly lost their spark and the smile faded. “I swear I was only trying to help. Never did I dream it would turn out this way.”
Vaguely, I heard my own voice as I accused him of what he’d done. I swallowed and waited for him to continue.
He huffed a small sigh and said, “I never wanted to break you up with Noiz, Aoba. If nothing else, please believe that. I realize now that what I did…everything I did…led just to that. But that was never my intention.”
I listened with the patience that Scrap had given me, not saying anything back.
Sei slowly spoke on, his cheeks now blushing. “I…swear that I only approached you just to understand love. I was impatient and selfish. And yes…I was jealous. You were leaving to be with the person that made you happiest. But what really is love? People say it so casually, ‘I love you’, but it’s supposed to be something special, something you only say when you really mean it, right?”
The wind picked up for a moment and Sei lifted his head, raising his face into the sun. The light behind him made him glow and made his words all the more surreal. “I knew I loved you because you were my brother. I’ve known of you for a long time, before you even knew of me, and loved you even before we’d met. But I also knew that that wasn’t the same thing as being in love. I think that might be a little more accurate,” he said, his eyes lowering. “I wanted to know more about being in love. When you confronted me that day about…what I had done, you told me that it was different with you and Noiz because you loved each other. I figured you were the one person that I knew, here and now, that could at least give me a glimpse of what that was like.”
Sei was talking slightly in circles but I believe I understood what he was saying. Continuing on, he said, “After last night, I thought I had finally grasped what it was like to be intimate with someone you deeply cared for. But that was a farce in comparison to the real thing, huh?” A corner of his mouth barely tucked up, more of a grimace than a grin.
“After thinking about it, I didn’t want the guilt of what we did to be on you. I knew you’d eventually tell him what had happened. I didn’t want him to leave you for breaking your special bond, even if you’re not in love with me. So…I told him everything. I wanted him to hate me, as he rightfully should. I wanted the anger to be put only on me so that you two could continue to be happy. However, it didn’t work out like that.”
Sei cradled his arms to himself and I saw as a tear made its way down his face. “No matter how many times I told him that I was the one who started it, it wasn’t enough. I…even told a lie and said that I used Scrap on you, but he didn’t believe me. He never cursed at me though. He never yelled at me. And that just made it worse. I was prepared for him to be disgusted but I wasn’t ready for the quiet pain I heard when he spoke to me. What is it called…heartbreak? Yes, I believe he was heartbroken.”
I remembered the sound of Noiz’s voice, that voice not of anger but of deep betrayal. “Yeah,” I agreed with him. “But Sei? I was wrong. It wasn’t just you; I consented. You didn’t force me, I did it of my own will.” I cupped his face where I knew bruises were forming in the real world, the ones I’d given him unjustly. “Gomennasai.”
He shook his head to wave away my apology and we again fell into silence. After a while, he quietly asked, “So…where do we go from here?”
I had been sifting sand through my fingers but clenched them resolutely as a thought came to me. “I go back and fight for him. I’ve messed up big time but I don’t want to lose him. I’ll do whatever I have to, whatever I need to in order for him to accept me.”
Sei made a soft noise and closed his eyes for a moment before opening them again. “I’m happy to hear that. Well then, shall we get going?” He reached out his hand to me.
I nodded once to show I was ready and took his hand in mine. The scenery dissolved around us and everything went white.
When I next opened my eyes, I was back in my body, something close to my face. I blinked and took in Ren standing next to me. His tail wagged fast as he realized I was awake. “Aoba! Daijoubu desu ka?”
I gave him a small smile to let him know I was okay and rubbed behind his ears. Sitting up, I noticed Granny had come into the room. She was kneeling on the floor with Sei’s head in her lap, applying a salve to his wounds. My slaps had come across with the force of a punch and I flinched as I saw how swollen he was. She saw me staring and clicked her teeth. “I’m not sure what you two were fighting about but I hope you two have resolved it.” She must’ve known that we both were out due to Scrap.
“We have…and I’m sorry for causing so much trouble.” I bowed deeply to her.
Sei was now waking up and when he caught my eye, he smiled faintly. “Go get him,” he whispered with a wink.
I didn’t need to be told twice. I said my goodbyes to Granny and Sei, kissing them both on the forehead and giving a squeeze to Sei’s hand to show again how sorry I was. Grabbing Ren, I ran to my room and dragged the single suitcase containing my belongings and was outside in five minutes. I got into an empty cab a block away and directed them to take me to the Midorijima airport.
My original flight wasn’t scheduled to leave for several hours and I wasn’t able to get a refund. I was forced to buy another ticket which was much more expensive. When I saw the price, my heart fell. I needed to leave now but there was no way I could afford the earlier time.
Before my Coil could even ring, Ren informed me, “Incoming message.” I pulled up my screen and saw that I had a notification of a transfer of funds into my account. Thank you, Sei.
Feeling my heart swell with gratitude, I swiped my Coil and ran with my new ticket to catch my flight. While on my way there, I called Noiz. It went straight to voicemail and I left one for him. “Noiz, I’m on my way there right now. I need to see you. I’ll explain everything when I get there. I’m sorry. And I love you…so much.” I ended the call as I passed through the boarding gate with only minutes to spare.
~.~.~
When I got off the airplane, I panicked for a second as to where to go. All of the signs were in German, English or other European languages, none of which I spoke well. In the end, I had to rely on Ren just to get to baggage claim.
It seemed like forever before I saw my luggage and gratefully pulled it off the conveyor belt when it passed by me. However, the feeling was short-lived. Near baggage claim, a lot of people picking up friends and loved ones held signs so that they’d recognize them. I didn’t see any that had my name on it.
My heart sank. In truth, I couldn’t blame Noiz. He’d trusted me to go to Midorijima on my own and what did I do? I stabbed him in the back. Would I forgive me?
I couldn’t say with absolute certainly that I would.
If Noiz didn’t want to see me though, then my trip was for nothing. Even with the extra funds, I didn’t have much left. I could take a taxi to pick up my things from his home and then plot how to get back to Midorijima. Or just leave them there. I hadn’t brought anything majorly important on my first trip. But no…even if Noiz was pissed, I still wanted to speak to him. He might not still want anything to do with me but now that I was here, I wasn’t going to waste the opportunity.
With a fierce nod of determination, I set out for the exit.
“Oi. Where do you think you’re going?” They spoke in Japanese. Even in the airport chaos, I could make out the low voice.
A familiar voice. A low, husky sound that automatically drew me in. Turning around, I finally saw him.
Noiz was wearing his now customary attire of a business suit and was giving me an irritated stare. In his hands, he was holding a rather large sign with letters I’d seen before but took me a few times to pronounce. He’d written my name on it in romanji , instead of how I would normally write it with Japanese characters. No wonder I hadn’t seen him.
He saw me staring at the sign and grunted. “I don’t know how to write your name in kanji,” he shrugged. Without waiting for me, he took the lead and exited outside. In the pickup area was a sleek vehicle, clearly one of the company cars. A chauffer was waiting to load my luggage and held the door open for us to slide in.
Noiz sat pressed against the window on his side and as the car drove off, he simply stared out at the scenery. I knew from my first trip that it’d take at least an hour before we reached his home. I was scared to say anything, afraid he would cut me off and not want to speak. And yet…he had come to pick me up. I hadn’t even given him a specific time. He must’ve guessed it based on our first flight. It was too early for me to dare to hope so I sat on my side and also watched out the window.
Twenty minutes before we were to arrive, he finally turned to me. “So are you going to explain this to me or what?”
I cast what I had thought was a discreet look at the driver but Noiz caught it. “He only speaks German,” he said with a dismissive wave.
I nodded once and started from the beginning. I covered everything, starting even from when I met Sei in the hospital. It was too much to cover during the remainder of the car ride but even as I trailed him through the massive house belonging to him, I continued to talk. I didn’t want to pause. If I did, I might leave something out.
To a stranger, Noiz might’ve looked like he wasn’t paying attention as he handed his suit jacket to a maid and ordered a butler to bring something to drink. He loosened his tie as he walked into a large, furnished room downstairs, lounging back in an armchair with his legs crossed and eyes closed as I continued my explanation. When I was finally finished, I licked my lips nervously and cast him a glance. “And that’s…what happened.”
The butler came in and placed a silver tray on the table. On it were two ornate teacups and a matching teapot. The butler poured the tea into the cups and took a tiny lid off of a sugar bowl. To one cup, he added a single spoonful and to the other, he added three. For the second one, he also added a little cream, giving a stir to both before placing the cups on delicate saucers. The first one with just one lump of sugar went to me and the sweeter cup went to Noiz. He’d remembered from previously that I usually didn’t like much sweetener in my drinks. With a precise bow, he quietly took his leave, closing the door behind us.
Noiz still didn’t say anything for a moment, sipping his tea and staring into his cup. When he finally did speak, he bored into me with eyes that reflected too many emotions for me to catch. “So you’ve explained the why,” he said, rolling the words over. “But I’ve not heard the how. Aoba, I have a brother as well. You’ve met him. I’ve known him my whole life. And never have I decided that I was going to sleep with him. How do you talk yourself into fucking your own sibling?”
His words sliced into me. I tried not to flinch away. I had said I would bear anything to get him back. If this is what we had to go through, I would take it. “I’m not proud of it,” I whispered. “Even if I just wanted to help Sei understand sex and love and how one can influence the other, it doesn’t make it right. I knew that beforehand and I still went through with it.”
“If I wanted to teach that same thing to my brother, I still wouldn’t screw him,” Noiz spat. He sat his cup down and shook his head bitterly. “I know you two were born under weird circumstances, but even still…is there something mentally wrong with Sei?” His sudden switch in the conversation made me reel and I blinked at him.
“N-no…not that we know of.” We’d had multiple tests performed on Sei just to make sure he was okay. His results for the most part were fine but had revealed activity higher than normal in parts of the brain that controlled creativity. Likely this was due to his Scrap ability though.
Noiz rested his head on his fist and continued to drill holes in me. His expression was the scariest I’d seen yet, mainly because of the immense hurt I saw reflected there. He was fighting to keep his face neutral but I could see his eyes waver.
“Even if it wasn’t Sei, it was someone,” he said to me. “Before we’d even become official, I had asked if you’d been with anyone during the three months I was away. You mean to tell me you could abstain from sleeping with anyone for three months when you’re not in a committed relationship but you couldn’t for a month and a half when you are? I’m not…I don’t get it, Aoba,” his voice cracked on my name.
Please, Noiz, don’t cry.
“I truly thought you loved me.” I barely heard the whispered words, a tear finally escaping to run down his face.
I broke.
I threw myself onto the floor in front of him, sobbing uncontrollably. How could I have done this? I’d worked so hard to bring Noiz out into the world, to make him understand that it wasn’t a horrible place and that there were so many things to explore. These were things that I had preached while promising to remain by his side, loyal until the end. I was worthless. I was less than garbage. I didn’t deserve him.
And yet…I still wanted him. I would become very empty if I didn’t have him. A world in which I couldn’t see him was too painful to even wrap my head around.
“Onegaishimasu!” I pleaded, bowing so low my face touched the carpet. “I’m so sorry. Whatever I have to do, Noiz, please…please forgive me!”
“You do something unforgiveable and then still beg for forgiveness?” I couldn’t see him but I heard him lean forward. His cries were coming in earnest now and he was attempting to muffle them in his hands. “I trusted you.”
“Give me another chance! Please!” I bowed again, groveling at his feet. My own tears stained the floor and I probably looked absolutely ridiculous. I’d embarrass myself a million times over if it meant having him. How could I have been stupid enough to not realize how much he meant to me sooner?
I heard him swallow thickly, clearing his throat. “At one point, I would’ve wanted for there to be a future with us together. I thought that’s what you wanted too. But if you’re going to fall prey to any little fancy—“
“I won’t!” I screamed, lifting my head to meet him eye to eye. “Keep me locked here, forbid me from ever leaving, watch my every movement, I don’t care! I love you, Noiz. I love you…I love you…I love you…” I’m so pathetic.
For a long time, Noiz sat there with his eyes buried into the palms of his hands, his body shaking as he cried. The sound of our anguish was the only thing that could be heard for a very long time. At last, he took a napkin from the tea tray and briskly wiped his eyes. “I spent my entire life not knowing what it was like to feel. You’re the one who broke down those barriers. I learned what physical pain was and was finally able to understand emotional pain. But this is worse than any physical pain. There’s no bandage for this.”
I nodded, understanding exactly what he meant. “The only thing that can heal it is time.”
“How do we even move forward from this?” he asked, more theoretically than specifically at me.
“Tiny steps,” I answered anyways. “Very, very tiny steps.” I’d ruined everything in a single night but was willing to take days, weeks, years to repair the damage. Whatever I needed to do to mend Noiz’s heart.
He stood up from his seat and walked over to me. I hung my head, ready for him to strike me. Instead, he knelt down on the floor as well and pulled me into him, holding me tight. “I’m a fool but I’m a fool in love,” he whispered to me, using his thumb to brush away my tears. Instinctively, I leaned into the touch, savoring it, remembering never to forget how it felt. “I can’t forgive you immediately, Aoba. But maybe, with these tiny steps, we’ll someday get back to where we were.”
It was more than what I could’ve ever asked for. I clung to him fiercely, murmuring my immense gratitude, rocking as he held me in his arms.
Never again would I lose sight of what was most precious to me.

End
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Lacrimosa