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I See Alphys, I See Francis	By : xandermartin98 Category: +S through Z > UnderTale Views: 1982 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: The video game Undertale and all of its respective characters and settings belong exclusively to Toby Fox and his affiliates. This is a non-profit fanwork with no intention of infringing on said copyright.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
- 6
ISAISF 5
"GREETINGS, PATHETIC EARTHLINGS!" Francis laughed, busting right through the incredibly elegant glass front door to MTT Resort while everyone else in the general vicinity of the lobby room (including Alphys, of course) groaned and facepalmed themselves in profound second-hand embarrassment.
"IT IS I, YOUR GREAT AND POWERFUL RULER FRANCIS!" Francis laughed hammily, melodramatically and stereotypically evilly, publicly thrusting his pelvis and causing his gargantuan behemoth of a penis to unabashedly swing to and fro with glee while everyone gawked in utter disbelief at just how much of a pathetic douchebag he really was. "RULING OVER THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE WITH BOTH DIRECTION, MAGNITUDE AND LONGI-"
"Jesus foot-licking CHRIST, would you PLEASE shut the ever-loving F#%& up before you say and/or do something so goddamned stupid that it actually ends up being the thing that ultimately pushes me to the point of jumping headfirst into the Hotland Lava Sea and killing myself?" Alphys grabbed Francis by the collar and hissed lividly into his ear while everyone in the lobby room stared soul-piercingly at them in bewilderment and extreme annoyance.
"Okay, OKAY, FINE! Just as long as you don't freaking HYPEREVOLVE INTO GODZILLA AND RIP MY GODDAMNED LUNGS OUT or some sh%#! SHEESH!" Francis threw his arms up in the air and groaned angrily as he and Alphys walked over to the back-right corner of the room, where the entrance to Burgerpants' world-famous in-hotel restaurant was located.
"What in the hell do you WANT from me?" Burgerpants gasped and stammered in shock, cowering behind the ordering counter as Alphys and Francis barged in loudly and greeted him.
"ALL OF YOUR STINKING MONEY, AND YOUR STUPID CLOTHING TOO! HAND IT RIGHT OVER, IMBECILIC PEASANT!" Francis pulled up the back of his shirt collar over his head and yelled ridiculously ham-fistedly at Burgerpants, exhibiting a brand-new sexual-frustration-induced persona that could only be properly referred to as The Great Assholio.
"LISTEN up, pal, and listen REAL good: do you want me to f%#&ing SHOOT your stupid ass? Because I f%#&ing swear to god, if you even DARE to lay a SINGLE goddamned sweaty, weeaboo, poopsocking, ass-plug FINGER on me...HOO boy, let me just tell you right here and now, you are REALLY not going to freaking LIKE what happens next, you HEAR me?!" Burgerpants ranted furiously, falling over backwards, crab-crawling up against the back wall of the room, pulling a fully loaded revolver out from his pants pockets and threatening to blow Francis' stupid-ass autistic weeaboo brains right out with it.
"ARE YOU THREATENING ME?!" Francis growled infuriatedly at Burgerpants as he unbuttoned his at-least-quadruple-extra-large-sized shirt, ripped it right open and began howling like a retarded werewolf with Down Syndrome as he proudly displayed his bulbous, jiggling, sweaty, milk-secreting man-tits to everyone in the general vicinity while Burgerpants went green around the gills, twitched his lower eyelids disgustedly and almost threw up in response.
"Francis, for the love of God, JUST TELL HIM WHAT WE FREAKING NEED!" Alphys leapt onto Francis' shoulders and began slapping him silly in a very serious attempt to knock some sense back to him before it was too late...but alas, it was to no avail, as Alphys soon learned just after Francis grabbed her by the tail and uncaringly flung her right back down onto the floor.
"I am the great and powerful ASSHOLIO!" Francis dramatically announced to everyone in the room with a proud American salute while Papyrus, who just so happened to be working in the background kitchen of the restaurant, could be heard audibly TCH'ing in response.
"And what is it you need?" Burgerpants sighed and shrugged exhaustedly,clighting a cigarette and popping it irritatedly into his mouth as he set his right elbow down on the counter, rested his head on the corresponding hand and suddenly started having numerous flashbacks to Beavis & Butthead.
"I need spaghetti! SPAGHETTI FOR MY NOSE-HOLES!" Francis gallantly commanded Burgerpants, striking several random karate poses and accidentally kicking Alphys right in the face!
"INDEED, HE DOOOOES!" Alphys screamed as she hurtled across the room in slow-motion, bloodily losing several of her teeth and crashing right through a nearby wall in the process!
"OH MY GOD, YOU POOR THING! Are...are you okay?!" Burgerpants gasped in sympathetic horror, leaping over the counter, pulling out Alphys' lightly disfigured, heavily bruised body, worriedly cradling her in his arms, stroking her gently and smooching her lovingly on the cheek. "Oh, don't worry, you poor baby, it'll all be okay...it'll all be alright...Daddy loves you..."
"Dad, in the name of all that is Mew Mew and Kissy and Cutie, why, oh WHY must you utterly EMBARRASS me so?" Alphys gagged disgustedly, rolled her eyes and blushingly groaned at him.
"Why must you always hang out with such utterly embarrassing F%#&ING FRIENDS, YOU GODDAMNED WORTHLESS PIECE OF DOG SH%# THAT IS SECRETLY MY DAUGHTER?!" Burgerpants asked and then suddenly screamed his ever-loving, severely bipolar head off at Alphys, clenching his hands around her throat and violently strangling her in a fit of uncontrollable rage.
"Oh, believe me, pal; you don't even know the diddly-darned blue-balled HALF of it!" Papyrus chuckled amusedly as he began stirring the pasta ingredients together (yes, believe it or not, the MTT Resort HAD, in fact, actually bothered to give him proper culinary training this timeline) and cooking them like the seasoned pro that no one ever could have guessed he would end up becoming.
"All I know right now is that I really want to just f%#&ing end my life and die already..." Alphys sighed, burying her head in her hands and sobbing gently as Burgerpants reluctantly set her back down onto the floor and sent her on her way to wherever the hell she was headed next.
"Me too, pal, me too..." Burgerpants sighed even more dejectedly than Alphys, buried his head deeply into his hands, kneeled hopelessly onto the floor and began bawling his painfully exhausted, bag-riddled, thoroughly bloodshot eyes out in dismay.
"HAH! You think THAT'S bad? I, the great Assholio, will have you know that I am, in fact, only thirty-five measly years old and I've already wasted my entire life several times over!" Francis laughed maniacally as he walked out the door, causing Burgerpants to cry even harder.
ABOUT FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER, AT THE MTT RESORT DINING AUDITORIUM...
"Jesus, how f%#&ing long is it going to TAKE for Mettaton to get his goddamned DAILY dancing routine ready, for crying out loud?" Alphys groaned miserably, banging her head against her table in frustration while Francis played Tetris on his Gameboy and muttered his utterly retarded new self-imposed nickname under his breath while Burgerpants brought out the little dorks' spaghetti on fancy-ass fine china straight out of Mettaton's former college/orphanage donation funds and closed his restaurant for the rest of the night so that he could not only get some rest later on but also spend some interesting, quality time with his daughter.
"Alright, listen up, pal: I'm really starting to think that there might actually legitimately be something seriously unnatural going on in that annoying dumbass' head right now, so psst psst psst..." Alphys leaned over, cupped her hands and whispered into Burgerpants' ear, passing him one of her numerous spare size-alteration rays underneath the table and darting her eyes back and forth anxiously to make sure that there was no-one watching or eavesdropping on them; meanwhile, Francis had just turned off his game and was now busy sticking noodles up his nose and giving himself a stereotypically Chinese nose-hair mustache, adding the macaroni-shaped top part to it with yellow marker as he leapt up on top of the fancy glass table, crushing and shattering the entire thing under his sheer weight and causing Alphys and Burgerpants (as well as everyone else in the room) to lurch backward and scream in terror while he greedily devoured the rest of his spaghetti plate, then grabbed Alphys' and began pouring the entire contents of IT into his mouth as well while Alphys clenched her fists and gritted her teeth with rage.
"HEY!" Alphys yelled angrily at Francis (despite knowing almost for a fact that the way he was currently acting wasn't actually his fault) while Burgerpants used the size-alteration ray to shrink himself to small-ant size and desperately clawed his way through all of the lethally sharp glass rubble and debris that was currently surrounding the spot where Francis was standing while Alphys began...CHEWING Francis out, as unfunny douchenozzles like Sans would say.
"Look, f%#&ing dickhead; there were two, yes, TWO kinds of food on this table! MINE and YOURS!" Alphys lectured Francis angrily, shaking her fist at him and gesturing indicatively toward herself and then him with her pointy little index finger while Burgerpants used the magical sticky properties of his paw-pads to clamber up onto Francis' upside-down-L-bent left heel-toe and rapidly climb his way up the corresponding leg to the poor Alphys reject's left knee while he was distracted.
"If you gotta eat one of them, then please just eat your own, okay? More importantly, however, what you currently have IN YOUR FREAKING DIGESTIVE SYSTEM! WAS MINE!" Alphys yelled at the top of her lungs, reaching into her pocket and accidentally pulling out a shrink ray instead of a normal gun...much to her dismay when she shot herself right in the side of her head with it and, instead of simply dying, found herself not only no bigger than a small field mouse, but also face-to-face with the most grotesquely horrifying and massive monster she had ever seen.
"Don't open your eyes, Burgerpants; whatever you do, for the love of God, PLEASE do NOT open your freaking EYES..." Burgerpants repeatedly, nervously chanted both internally and externally to himself as he made his way up the rest of Francis' incredibly gross, sweaty and nasty body and crawled as slowly and sneakily as possible into his right earhole while the poor clearly possessed bastard was busy looking back and forth and wondering where Alphys had gone.
"Okay, Plan B; senseless terrror! WAAAUUUGGHHHH! NYAAAAHHHH! OH MY GOD, THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING, THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! WHY ME, WHY ME?!" Alphys (as well as everyone else in the room besides Burgerpants) immediately turned tail, ran as fast as her legs could possibly carry her, and began screaming and crying desperately for dear life as Francis caught sight of her and began rampantly chasing her around the room, nearly crushing her like a bug underneath his massive feet several times, until he finally had her helplessly pinned-up against a wall with nowhere left to run.
"No, no, no, no, NO NO NO!" Alphys stammered and yelled in fright, cowering hopelessly against the wall while Francis shot out his ridiculously long and sticky tongue, grabbed her right off of the floor and pulled her straight into his rancid, filthy and unbelievably disgusting mouth!
"Oh my dear LORD, I literally don't think it could even POSSIBLY smell worse in here!" Alphys screamed in horror, her entire body shriveling up, bleeding from literally every single orifice and nearly dying from how unspeakably awful the stench inside Francis' mouth was as she immediately pulled out a gas mask from her coat pockets and strapped it on while he grabbed her yet again with his tongue, set her firmly onto his bottom row of rotten, moldy, yellow-and-brown teeth and began slowly, surely, ominously lowering the upper row toward her while she curled up into a ball and cowered in fear...that is, until she finally decided to actually grow some legit BALLS for once and (at least make an admirable attempt to) properly stand up for herself!
"YOU'LL NEVER EAT ME ALIVE, YOU WICKED DOPPELGANGER SON OF A FAT, UGLY, MORBIDLY OBESE AND REVOLTINGLY GLUTTONOUS BITCH!" Alphys roared furiously in a fit of pure unadulterated rage as she firmly planted her (bare) feet on Francis' repugnantly pustulent, festering, cavity-ridden and slime-coated teeth, placed her hands on the top row, and began forcefully pushing his upper and lower jaws away from each other with all of her might...but alas, with her being the shrimpy little dork that she was, it was predictably to absolutely no avail; surely enough, she very quickly gave in and was forcefully, agonizingly crushed in-between Francis' massive rows of upper and lower buck teeth.
"UGGHHH...GOD, THE PAIN...THE INDIGNITY...THE UNBEARABLE SUFFERING...THE OUTRIGHT REVOLTING F%#&ING FETISHISM...THE ABSOLUTE DEFILEMENT OF MY PERSONAL FAVORITE DRESS...WHY...JUST WHY-HY-HY-HYYY?!" Alphys moaned and cried and screamed in sorrowful, indescribably painful despair, trying her absolute hardest (and failing miserably, naturally enough) to stop herself from literally throwing up her entire lunch in disgust as Francis began mercilessly grinding her (and her chunky goopy vomit, of course) in-between his grimy, algae-growing, plaque-oozing teeth and chomping her forcefully.
"PLEASE, SOMEBODY...ANYBODY...SAVE ME! GOD, HELP ME! PLEASE LET ME OUT OF THIS HORRIBLE F%#&ING NIGHTMARE, I'M BEGGING YOU! FLIGHTS OF ANGELS, PLEASE SEND THEE FROM THY WRATH! PLEE-HEE-HEE-HEEASE!" Alphys continued screaming and crying and praying to God for her current predicament to finally end as soon as possible as she crawled her way up onto the black-slime-mold-dripping roof of Francis' mouth and clung herself tightly onto his bloated, swollen, pus-secreting, meekly dangling uvula, closing her eyes and holding her breath in revulsion as Francis' hairy, crusty, yeast-infected tongue lifted itself from its spider-infested resting place and began licking her, causing Francis' uvula to swing back and forth like a punching bag while Alphys struggled desperately to retain her grip.
"NO...NO...NOOOOOOO-HO-HO-HOOOOOO!" Alphys screamed at the top of her ever-loving lungs as she finally lost her grip, slipped right off of Francis' uvula and fell straight down his throat!
"Goodbye, cruel world...it sure was awfully nice knowing you...wait, HUH?!" Alphys sighed and shrugged hopelessly, then suddenly gasped in surprise as she tumbled and fell right through Francis' gullet at terminal velocity to what initially seemed like certain death...only to suddenly begin to notice, as she neared her landing, that Francis' stomach was actually completely empty and almost totally devoid of acid somehow!
"EWWWWW...now I know how an unwilling victim of Muffet's nasty f%#&ing VORE fetish feels..." Alphys winced and stuck her tongue out in disgust as she landed on the soft, fleshy, spongy inner surface of Francis' stomach and looked curiously around herself to find...
"YOU GUYS?!" Alphys gasped in shock (and also retched in revulsion somewhat) as he found the very same exact group Amalgamates that she had been talking about in her coffee rant several chapters earlier; Memoryhead, Lemon Bread, Endogeny, Reaper Bird and Snowdrake's Mother, all warmly and cozily stowed away in the unaware Francis' aching belly, where they had presumably been feeding off of literally everything that he had eaten in the past day or so like parasitic tapeworms.
MEANWHILE, DEEP INSIDE FRANCIS' LEFT EAR CANAL...
Having absolutely no suitable tools or abilities on hand that would give him any sort of way to break the eardrum barrier and reach Francis' middle and inner ears without being detected, and already having spent a rather undesirable amount of time fruitlessly attempting to cut a hole through the tympanic membrane with his claws, Burgerpants finally lost his mind and snapped like a twig!
"Francis, PLEASE; for the love of Mettaton, PLEASE tell me you're still somewhere in there, PLEASE! I'm freaking BEGGING you for Christ's sake!" Burgerpants kneeled down on both of his knees yet again and screamed and yelled and cried at the top of his lungs, pounding and pounding and pounding away at Francis' precious little eardrum with his fists and ripping large portions of his own earwax-speckled fur out in frustration while Francis doubled over onto his knees, clutched his head with both hands and began loudly screaming and crying in unbearably agonizing pain; meanwhile, whoever was currently controlling Francis' brain at the moment suddenly heard conspicuously large amounts of obnoxious noise and vibrations being filtered and channeled in through the poor weeaboo lizard's aching auditory nerves and made him publicly dig all the way into his left ear with the corresponding index finger in an attempt to fish the (equally) unwelcome intruder right out in a nice big glob of wax and eat him!
"WARNING: Structural integrity of left eardrum at approximately twenty percent!" Francis' brain warned its new controller as Burgerpants left a multitude of ruptured, bleeding cracks across the surprisingly soft and fleshy surface of said eardrum, causing the poor guy to squirm and writhe and gently weep on the floor in absolutely unbelievable pain and agony.
"HERE, fishy fishy!" Francis (his controller not paying proper attention to the computer's advice at all, luckily) laughed teasingly as he forcefully shoved his long, spindly and freakishly bony index finger all the way down his ear canal, in hopes of finally catching Burgerpants with it!
"HOLY SH%# NUGGETS!" Burgerpants screamed in terror as Francis' finger poked him right in the surprisingly resilient chest, pushing him backward into Francis' already severely fractured and damaged eardrum at extreme velocity and causing the poor lizard weeb to shriek at the tops of his mucus-congested lungs in an almost humanly unimaginable amount of pain as copious amounts of blood (not to mention bits and pieces of his completely ruptured and shattered eardrum) began pouring out through his ear, causing his controller to actually genuinely feel extremely bad for him and therefore take a brief coffee break to reflect on what he had just done; meanwhile, Francis just stood perfectly still and remained right where he was, with his finger still in his ear and everything, since his current predicament had literally made him too afraid to even move a muscle. Luckily, this (intentionally) gave Burgerpants the perfect opportunity to break free of Francis' sticky, waxy-coated finger and make his way into the poor scaly bastard's brain from there to "surgically" remove whatever foul beast was currently possessing it.
"Oh boy, looks like I'm gonna have to make like Mr. Fanservice and go completely SHIRTLESS now!" Burgerpants chuckled as he hastily unbuttoned his MTT uniform shirt and slipped right out of it, narcissistically admiring and kissing his own handsomely lean and muscular chest as he crawled into the extremely complex and delicate inner workings of Francis' ear and making his way right through his cochlea and semicircular canals with shockingly immense ease!
"I'M A LITTLE NOODLE-CUP, SHORT AND STOUT!" Francis dizzily stumbled back and forth and sang absentmindedly as Burgerpants finally reached the thing that he had REALLY been wanting (and needing) to see all this time: Francis' incredibly easily-manipulated brain!
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I See Alphys, I See Francis