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Pinzu vs The Pussy (A 100% Orange Juice Adventure)	By : Boo-Sama Category: -Misc Video Games/RPGs > AU - Alternate Universe Views: 2724 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This fanfiction is based on the characters and fandom of 100% Orange Juice. I do not own 100% Orange Juice, nor do I make a profit from this story.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
- 6
“FROM MY HEART AND FROM MY HAND, WHY DON’T PEOPLE UNDERSTAND MY INTENT-”

Kiriko hit the off button on her alarm, and awoken her crusty, tired eyes. She put on her angry black kitty slippers, and got some coffee running on her coffee maker. She let out a loud yawn, and finally got around to wiping the crust from her eyes… Note to self, reduce the volume on that god damned alarm clock. Life’s hard enough without your favorite song scaring you half to death in the morning… On second thought, it was a bit of a adrenalin rush to be scared this early in the morning, but… Nah, she digressed. That’s coffee's job, not overbearingly loud music.

She went to the bathroom, and began the process of taking off her Pickle Rick T-shirt she used as pajamas. It was a bit of a process since her massive bust size made it incredibly obnoxious to put on and off most non-button up shirts. She had considered getting reductions, since she was a master of biological surgery, but after much consideration, she’s convinced herself that’d be a less than optimal solution. It’s rare that women are naturally gifted with such large, voluptuous breasts such as her own. To kill them would most likely invoke the wrath of whatever higher power blessed her with these bad boys, or worse, she’d lose her perfect 10/10 cleavage. She was not going to let that happen.

Once that was done, since she wasn’t wearing any form of bottoms (including panties), she got into the shower, smiled towards the nozzle of it, and hit the “rinse” button. Instantaneously, a burst of energized, soapy water sprayed Kiriko, wiping off any and all dirt, dust or germs on her body. Additionally, with her teeth being beared, knocking all the gunk off her teeth to the back of her throat, allowing her to just spit the crap out of her mouth, and onto the shower floor. With that done, she turned around and hit the button again from behind to get her back. She’d get a second nozzle so she could do both at the same time, but honestly, the process was fast enough as is, and while she was a genius, she wasn’t a plumber. She could go digging into the walls, or just make some new pipes, or whatever, but the 16 hours it’d take to get that hooked up just wouldn’t be worth it.

Now squeaky clean from head to toe, she made her way to her dresser, and got out her usual outfit. Purple button up shirt, lab coat, black skirt, purple stockings, and a pair of black shoes. Also, can’t forget the angry kitten hair pin, very important. With coffee almost done from being set last night, she opened the curtains of her room. She decided to locate her room at the top of the tower, just so she could wake up to a majestic view of the world from such a high level, far higher than even clouds could ever dream to be. It was always gorge-

“Hey Kirikoooooooooo!!!” Said Star Breaker, who was pressing her face against the glass of Kiriko’s tower window “wanna see a moooovie?”. Kiriko hit the windshield wiper button. The wiper smacked Star Breaker a few times in the face. Each time it whacked her, Star Breaker retorted with a few weak slaps back at the small rod with the power of that of a kitten. Sadly, natural selection took its course, and Star Breaker was peeled off the window. Kiriko literally had that thing installed JUST to get Star Breaker to piss off.

As Star Breaker floated away, she shot a death laser at Kiriko in retaliation, but the star-blasting-proof window reflected the beam back at Star Breaker, causing her to be flung away at a speed faster than light…. She also had that installed because of Star Breaker…. God, that was a messy first encounter. Kiriko was still impressed the tower was savable after that, far more so her entire right half, which was also utterly obliterated in the blast. She gripped her right hand, just to feel it... Nanoweave limbs… All the feeling, look, and use of normal limbs, with none of the limits. That doesn’t mean she can crush a piece of metal in her fist, that’d be painful as fuck. But without any of those pesky ‘natural nerves’ or ‘deteriorating features’ of normal flesh and bone, she’d definitely kick anyone’s ass who didn’t have nanoweave shit in an arm wrestling fight anytime of any day. In fact, 60 years from now, when she’d be an old fucking lady, all her nanoweave shit would likely be just as good as they would today… Which would make her look like a weird lady two face, now that she thinks about it… Eeeeeh, that’s the future, and who cares about that?

The Coffee maker dinged, and self poured Kiriko a cup. Kiriko grabbed it, and took a hardy sip, smacking her lips afterwards. Perfect coffee, as usual. While admiring the view, Kiriko noticed something…. Odd in low orbit. She used her bio-engineered left eye to zoom in…. Pudding soaked School girl, a virgin, an improv pirate, Peat, a topless skank, some other guy, and a massive black plush rabbit were flying via the school girl spinning so fast with in-hand cutlasses while on fire….. Blue fire….. Kiriko shot a disintegration laser at them using the tower’s defense matrix, disintegrating one of the girl's cutlasses, causing them to plumet back to earth. She watched as their gay daisy chain of friendship broke apart as they fell to their inevitable deaths harder and faster than Kiriko’s love life did…. Well that was fun, but sadly, scientific progress waits for no one.

“Alright babe.” She called, walking over to her dresser, on top of which was a bottle of pills, a cheest 1970’s lamp, a tiny Kyoko Kirigiri plush, and, what she was focusing on, a small framed picture. “I’m off to work. Be safe, alright?” She then kissed the picture, and set it back down on the table. Kiriko then grabbed her coffee cup, got into her warp-speed elevator, and warped down to her lab. It was time for science… Weird Science…. Kiriko really likes that song, shut up.

***

The 6 amigos and a giant stuffed rabbit plummeted from the mile high club at a similar rate to FnaF’s popularity after the release of FnaF World. Constable Cuddles wasn't scared, he was a plush, thus the impact wouldn’t be fatal to his soft, somewhat jiggly body… But on the other hand, they were falling into Kiriko’s Jungle, and no mother fucker, and I mean NO MOTHER FUCKER is dumb enough to take on Kiriko’s Jungle alone, not even a plush rabbit with the strength of a pissed gorilla. He needed to grab some people for the fall, if only to act as meat shields. In mid-air, Contable Cuddles ripped his own chest open, revealing his white wooly center, stuffed Syura, QP, and Kai in there, restiched the wound, and let nature take its course.

Peat, on the other hand… Well this isn’t his first time being shot down, he’s pretty well equipped for this. He grabbed Saki, activated his parachute, and let himself slowly flutter down.

“Why didn’t you save Pinzu?” Saki asked Peat. Peat watched as Pinzu helplessly fell without protection into the jungle below.

“Um, cause I only have two hands, and you’re kinda too heavy for just one” Peat said. Saki blushed and put her arms across her naked chest, making a pouty face.

“I’m not THAT heavy!” Saki replied, refusing to make eye contact with Peat. Peat most likely COULD stack Pinzu on top of Saki, but he also just really didn’t care enough about Pinzu to risk his ass for him. I mean, he shot him twice in the head with twin revolvers. One head shot would have done it, but noooo, add insult to injury and shoot a man twice in the head. Fucking prick.

Pinzu plummeted without a single saving grace. Betrayed by both someone who tried to kill him before, and someone told to kill him before, who would have guessed? He decided to make a christ pose as he fell to his death, at least then, he would die with some form of badass grace. He closed his eyes, and waited for the impact that would surely shatter every bone in his body.

***

Suguri kicked a palm tree in the middle of the lush forest, to exemplify to Hime this trick she learned about kicking a palm tree, and then catching the coconut that falls as a result… This actually wasn’t a coconut tree, it was just a palm tree, but Suguri forgot to ID scan it, so she just assumed it was. The tree shook and rattled a bit, only for a weeaboo in a christ position to fall into both of Suguri’s arms. Hime began clapping at Suguri’s feat.

“Oh! Oh I get this, this is the joke where you say one thing happens, but then something else happens, and it is funny due to alteration of expectations! If this is true, then I shall laugh at this funny joke! Ha ha ha!” Hime then laughed as to ensure that Suguri’s funny joke did not go un-laughed at.

“I’m sorry, Hime, that was not the intended joke… It also comes to my attention this is not a coconut tree.”

“Oh? Then what tree was it?” Suguri took a moment to really look at the thing she had just evidently kicked loose from the tree.

“... I think it was a baby tree, and I kicked one out.”

“That is a very plump baby, Suguri, a very big boy! What should we name him?” Hime replied, walking over to Pinzu, grabbing his fat little man cheek and pinching.

“Mah… Mah nem eth Pinthu” Pinzu tried to mutter, but between his shattered teeth, as well as being very sleep and food deprived, he was mostly only able to mumble half gibberish.

“What did it say, Suguri?”

“I don’t know, Hime, it seems to be retarded.”

“Wha? Tho, I’m thoth thetharthed.” Pinzu attempted to reply.

“Oh Suguri, of course the baby is not at it’s educational peak, yet. It’s spent its entire life inside of a tree! Trees DO NOT have schools installed within them… Least, last I checked… Could you check the tree to see if it-” Suguri cut her off before she could have a tangent about tree-school education.

“A school would not fit in a tree, Hime, and I highly doubt Kiriko would care about giving tree babies a higher education.”

“This is very true, Suguri. I apologize.”

“Do not be sorry, Hime, it was a valid assumption.” It was not, but Suguri didn’t want Hime dwelling on this too much. “However, a more pressing matter is…” Suguri then popped open Pinzu’s pants to check for a confirmed sex… “Yes, this is a boy, Hime.”

“That’s what I said before, Suguri! It’s a big ripened boy! Do you not trust my ability to know someone’s gender just by looking at them?”

“...” Suguri started inappropriately chuckling.

“What? What is it Suguri? Was it something I said?”

“Stay pure, Hime. Stay pure.”

“You keep telling me that, but I do not understand what it means!!!” Hime yelled, stomping her feet on the lush jungle terrain a bit. “Would you please elaborate? I wish not to become impure if that is something you wish for me to stay!” Suguri only broke into harder laughter at Hime’s frustration.

“I’ll let you know when you’re going off the beaten path, Hime, just don’t worry about it.” Suguri got the last of her laughter out while Hime simply stared back in confusion. “But anyways, I was thinking we give this thi-”

“NO!!!!” Hime cried, smacking Suguri in the arm hard enough to shatter the bone into a fine powder. Suguri then dropped Pinzu, who was swiftly caught and taken into the arms of Hime before he could hit the ground.

“OW, HIME, WHAT THE HELL!?”

“I WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO SELL THIS INNOCENT CHILD LIKE SOME FORM OF TOMATO, SUGURI!!! I FORBID IT!!!” Hime then cuddled Pinzu closer to her chest in an attempt to ensure his safety, which in turn, caused Pinzu to be squeezed against her breasts… Pinzu was okay with this.

“Hime, I said GIVE, and not to a market, but a place that could use him for… I dunno, reasons? Orphanage maybe? I don’t know, we can’t keep him, Hime! We barely have enough money at home to feed ourselves.”

“This is true, we cannot keep him….” Hime began to enter think mode. “But… Surely, we cannot just give him to the supermar-”

“We’re not giving him to a supermarket.”

“Surely we cannot just give him to an orphanage! We must at least provide him with the tender love that only a true mother could provide him, and since his mother is a tree-” Hime then grabbed the upper right of her shirt and ripped it open, in the process lowering her bra to reveal her bare breast. “I MUST FILL THAT ROLE.”

“Hime what are you doing.”

“Whath tha thuck?” Pinzu butted in, followed by Hime jamming his face into her breast.

“I AM OFFERING THE BABY MY BREAST MILK IN RETURN FOR IT’S UNDYING TRUST, SUGURI.” Hime declared, repeatedly smashing Pinzu’s face into her bare tit.

“Hime….” Suguri began, now pinching the bridge of her nose, eyes closed, trying her best not to not emote during this equal parts humiliating a lewd display. “Hime, you… You know you can’t lactate, right? I mean first off, you're a robot, and I don’t think you have the parts built in for lactation, and, second, only pregnant woman can-”

“SHHH!!!” Hime hushed. “The baby doesn’t know that! Now be silent while I lure him with the temptation of sweet, sweet breast milk.”

“Okay, I’m just gonna….” Suguri opened her eyes again, and caught a glimpse of Hime’s tit once again, causing a bit a of crimson liquid to leave her nostril. “... I’m gonna go behind that tree and wait till your do-”

“WAIT!!!” Hime suddenly quacked. “LOOK, SUGURI!!! A MIRACLE OF NATURE!!!” As Hime had said, a miracle was occuring. Baby Pinzu had locked his lips around the nipple of Hime’s breast, and began sucking on it… Much harder than Hime was anticipating, for some reason. “A-ah! Yes! Yes my baby!!! Consume my- AH~ Consume my m-milk!”

“Oh god, I can’t watch this.” Suguri declared, shielding her eyes.

“O-oh whyever no-OOOOOOT!!!” Pinzu had bit her nipple. “No teeth, baby! No teeth! Do not AAAA!!!” He was now wrapping his tongue around her nipple. “T-that is not how y-you suck, baby, but it is fine! You will get the hang of it!”

“I dunno, Hime, this all just seems really, really lewd.”

“LEWD!? Come now, Suguri! This is the MODERN DAY!!! There is nothing LEWD about the connection a mother has with their…..” She suddenly felt the baby’s erect cock poke her in the stomach. “Okay, it’s a little lewd, please take it back.” Hime then extended the baby to Suguri, who attempted to take the baby, however, his lips were still locked on Hime’s nipple. To prevent being separated from it, he bit down. “AH! AH!!!! SUGURI, CAREFUL, IT’S BITING ON!!!”

“God damnit, hold on.” Suguri gave the baby back to Hime, and walked up towards the area of connection. Trying to hold her blood in her nose, she reached towards the baby’s mouth, and began forcefully prying it open until the nipple was released. The moment it released, Suguri yanked the head away, and Hime fully passed the baby to Suguri. Within Suguri’s arms, the baby suddenly began to struggle and wail.

“MAMA!!! MAMA!!!” Pinzu cried, reaching for his mother’s nipple.

“MY GOD, SUGURI!!! LOOK!!! HE’S CALLING ME MAMA!!!! GIVE HIM BACK, NOW!!!” After pausing a moment in annoyed disbelief, Suguri passed the baby back to Hime, where he instantly began sucking her nipple again. “Do not worry, small baby. I shall never let go of you again, you have my word as a ex-sealed guardian!” Hime cradled her child in her arms, gently nuzzling it’s head as he attempted to gain nourishment from her breast… At least, that’s what she thought his motive was.

“Alright… So…. What are we doing now?” Suguri asked, breaking the awkward silence.

“We must dress him up in proper attire, Suguri. These weird clothy tree clothes will NOT DO!!!. Come, I HAVE JCPENNY COUPONS!!!”

“... Why do you have coupons?’”

“BECAUSE MOMMYS COLLECT COUPONS!!!”

“... Well al-” suddenly something sprang into Suguri’s mind. “Wait, what about Saki?”

“Hmm?”

“Saki! We came here looking for-”

“THIS CANNOT WAIT, SUGURI!!! Saki is a fully grown woman with a child’s brain, THIS IS A BABY WITH A BABY’S BRAIN!!! The priority tells itself! Besides, this cannot be longer than an hour to do! We supply this baby with proper clothing, take him home for Kae and Nanako to watch, then look for Saki some more! THIS CHILD NEEDS THIS NOW!!!”

“... Sure, whatever, let’s go.” Suguri and Hime then began to float off from the jungle floor, and in an instant, dashed at light speed back towards civilization for happy JCpenny shopping times.

***

Constable Cuddles landed onto the lush jungle ground, like a big fluffy meteor, leaving a massive crater in his wake. He got up, brushed some of the dirt and mud off himself, and ripped his chest back open, puking out Kai, Syura, and QP onto the ground, all of which were unharmed from the impact due to his protective fluffy guts. He also poured out some vomit, which was most likely created by Syura as a byproduct of spinning non-stop for about a day, and speak of the devil, the first thing Syura did when leaving Cuddles was puke. In that puke was large, glowing, purple stone. Constable Cuddles immediately shoved Syura aside, and stuffed the stone back inside him… Alongside all the pudding and vomit Syura and QP left in there. After he gets home, he’s gonna be washing his chest cavity of puke and pudding for a week. QP got up, and wiped herself of the pudding and vomit Constable Cuddles was filled with.

“Thank you very much, Mr. Rabbit!” QP extended her hand towards the beast, an offering of friendship. The large plush rabbit stared at the small dog girl for a few seconds, unsure of what to do. For the time being, he had no master, meaning he had to make his own decisions until then, something he was not used to doing. This wasn’t even a a direct order, it was a general offering… Was this a choice, or an obligation? He’s seen Krila shake hands with her coworkers before, even the ones she didn’t like, but… Did this count? “I said thank you very much, Mr. Rabbit!” Shit she talked gain, repeating what she said. Was she growing impatient? Should he attack in self defense?... No, he needed her alive, least for now. Cuddles needed to focus on the bigger picture. He took his large, beefy, soft arm, and booped it above QP’s hand.

“No shake.” He said, pushing the arm away.

“Shake!” QP excitedly replied, completely unoffended and raising her hand again. Once again, Cuddles lowered her arm.

“No… Shake.” He said again.

“Shake!” QP repeated, once again raising her hand… There was no saying no to her, was there? Out of complete obligation, Cuddles extended his disturbing wire fingers out from his soft plush hand, and wrapped them around QP’s fingers tightly. There was a moment of confused fear in QP’s eyes for a moment as he wrapped his wires around her fingers, but the fear quickly dissipated as he slowly moved the hand up and down.

“.... Shake.” Cuddled finished. However, the tender moment was not to last.

“GET AWAY FROM HER, YOU BITCH!!!” Kai referenced, only now sobering up from the massive fall and being puked out of Cuddle’s chest, waking to see him wrapping disturbing wires around QP’s hand. To protect the puppy, Kai took out one of Pinzu’s revolvers, and shot Cuddles twice in the chest with it. He attempted to fire more, however, the gun ran dry on bullets, so all he could do after that was worthlessly click the trigger.

“..... Uh… Give me a moment.” Kai asked, raising a finger up to imply he needed a bit to get the gun working again. Instead of giving him his sweet time, Cuddles, freeing QP of his grip, whipped his wires at Kai’s right hand, slapping the gun out of his grip and shattering every single bone in it.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!” Yelled Kai, gripping his completely shattered hand. His hand flopped over like an empty ball sack with crushed lego bricks in it.

“DIE.” Cuddles breathed, raising a fist to smash Kai into a fine red paste. Before he could, however, QP jumped in the way.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” She cried like an anime fan on prom night, waving her arms around frantically. “DON’T KILL HIM, HE’S MY FRIEND!!!”

“MAN BAD, SHOOT CUDDLES!!!” He yelled in reply. “OUT OF WAY. MAKE QUICK!!!”

“NO!”

“THEN KILL YOU TOO!!!” Cuddles raised his fist up again while QP moved her hands over her head.

“KRILA WON’T FORGIVE YOU!!!!” She begged. Cuddles instantly halted his fist a mere inch away from QP’s head.

“.... Krila…. No forgive?” Cuddles asked. Knowing she got his attention, QP got out her phone.

“Y-yeah, uh.” She flicked through it a bit. “See! We’re friends!!!” Cuddles took a look at her Facebook for a few seconds… Yeah, Krila was on there. “I gave her a rice ball once, so we’re friends!!! So if you hurt me, you hurt her!!! And if you hurt Kai, you hurt me EMOTIONALLY, thus HURT HER EMOTIONALLY, THUS STILL HURTS HER, SO DON’T HURT PEOPLE!!!!” Cuddles did the math in his head…. Shit, that seemed to checkout.

“... Dog… Make compelling point.” Cuddled admitted. “But man must still be contained for safety of Cuddles.” Cuddles then ripped his chest back open wrapped his wires past QP and around Kai, followed by stuffing him back in, followed by switching his chest back open.

“Hey! What did I say abo-”

“No hurt, just contain. Cuddles soft, not rough…” He took a moment to think of a battle plan. “Night come, monsters come out then. Make haste to tower. Only hope. Come, dog, we make way to Kiriko.” He then wrapped his wires around QP, and plopped her onto one of his fluffy shoulders, followed by draping Syura over his other shoulder. Before QP could even think about protesting, Cuddles broke into a gorilla-like sprint towards the tower, knocking over any and all trees in his way, and scaring the shit out of the local wildlife.

***

Peat and Saki finally reached the ground. Being the only ones who actually had a form of slower decent, they were the last to enter the jungle. Well, they less “reached” the ground, and more were hanging from a tree by his parachute, as typical with using a parachute when entering a fucking forest. Thankfully, they were only a few inches from the ground, so he slowly let down Saki, and cut himself free using his machete.

“Why do you have a machete?” Saki asked, curiously.

“Well, I’ve crashed so many times in weird environments, the better question would be “why wouldn’t I have a machete?”. Peat answer, checking his machete for kinks “They can cut vines, trees, hunted meat, sharpen wooden stakes, used as a self-entertainment device, and most of all” Peat slashed to the left, cutting off the head of an invisible snake that nearly bit him “HOLY SHIT, I WAS JUST MOTIONING KILLING SOMETHING, JESUS FUCK!!!” Peat freaked out and dropped his machete. Saki picked it back up.

“Well, why was there an invisible snake?” Asked Saki, handing Peat back his machete.

“Why? Well, under any other circumstance I’d tell you I don’t know, but this is Kiriko’s Jungle. I’ve crashed here a few times before specifically. This place is filled with all the shit Kiriko tosses out her window whenever something she makes isn’t up to par. I should know, she told me when I was able to reach her tower the first time.” Peat paused, being distracted by Saki’s lack of a shirt “Uh… Let’s…. Let's hunt you a new shirt before we really get moving, this is getting” Peat tugged at his shirt collar a bit “this is getting awkward”. Peat sat down on a nearby log and began sharpening a stick that looked like wood, but was actually made of plastic.

“Oh, okay!!!... Wait, hunt?” Saki asked x3.

“You’ll see Saki, just get over here”. Peat gave saki the sharpened plastic wooden spear.

“Why is this made of plastic?” Saki asked x4.

“*sigh*, I don’t fucking know. I’m sure Kiriko thought making a growing plastic tree was a good idea at some point. Just shut up so we can find you a shirt.” Peat said, getting off the log, prepping his machete, and leading the way further into the jungle.

“Why did she think growing a plastic tree would be a good idea? Why not make a real one?” Saki asked x5

“This is gonna be my entire day, isn’t it?” Peat asked himself… Yup, it was.

***

“JUST ACCEPT MY COUPONS!!!” Hime cried, stuffing several small pieces of paper into Kyousuke, the clerk of register #22 at JCpenny. Up till now, Kyosuke had tried his best to be calm, restrained, and helpful to Hime and Suguri…. However…. However, after about an hour of this, he had finally had enough of this shit.

“Lady… I CANNOT sell you what we do NOT have, no matter HOW many coupons you give me. PLEASE. LEAVE.” Kyosuke said through clenched teeth, trying his best not to snap.

“But you have not even checked yet!” Hime replied.

“I do not have to we do not have…” He took a quick breath, pissed he even had to describe what she wanted. “A man sized pink baby outfit with little yellow duckies on it. I’ve stocked the baby section today, we do not have that. If you want, when halloween rolls around, you can pick up a costu-”

“COSTUMES ARE FAKE! I require a REAL baby suit for my REAL baby!” Kyosuke took another look at the baby, who was clearly a fully grown man breastfeeding for the sake of sexual stimulation and not milk.

“... Yeah… Real baby,”

“HE IS JUST INCREDIBLY RIPE!!! Tell him, Suguri!”

“We found him in Kiriko’s Jungle from a baby tree.” Suguri stated. “He looks really old, but really, he is a baby in mind. Watch.” To exemplify, Suguri forced Pinzu’s head back, off of Hime’s nip.

“MAMA! MAMA! MAMA!!!” Baby Pinzu repeatedly cried until Suguri shoved his head back into Hime’s tit.

“See? Absolute baby.”

“Okay, fine whatever, he’s a fatass man baby. We still do NOT sell baby outfits that large, so please, go to a store tha-”

“BUT MY COUPONS!!!” Hime once again cried, slapping Kyosuke in the face with her coupons again.

“... If you keep poking the bull, you will get the horns.” Kyosuke muttered, trying his best not to decapitate Hime.

“Is that a threat?” Suguri replied, getting in front of Hime, readying for things to get messy.

“Only if you make it one, buttercup.” *Lovely!* +50

Spite the comment, Suguri concealed her rage, merely raising an eyebrow at Kyosuke.

“Do you know who you’re fucking with, boy?”

“Oh my.” Hime muttered, adjusting her arm around Pinzu to conceal his ears from Suguri’s language.

“I think I’m fucking with someone who needs to get the hell out of my store, now.”

“You are FUCKING with a 10,000 year old war veteran, motherfucker. I’ve handled handguns, rifles, shotguns, sniper rifles, knives, grenades, rocket launchers, and even a god damned flamethrower. Is this really someone you wanna go picking a fight with?”

“... I warned you.” For seemingly no reason at all, Kyosuke started unzipping his outfit.

“... What the hell are you doing?” Before he fully unzipped his shirt, he gave Suguri a strong, sturdy glare.

“Last chance, I’m warning you.”

“Ex-fucking-scuse me, bitch? DID YOU NOT HEAR A WORD I SAID!?” It was at this point Hime started to realize Suguri’s rage was beginning to boil over, and perhaps it was better to bail than keep this fight going any longer than it needed to.

“Suguri.” Hime started, walking up closer to Suguri from behind. “It’s quite alright, I… Let’s not peave this man off anymore, alright?”

“NAH NAH NAH.” Suguri cut off, pushing Hime’s face away. “This is PERSONAL now.”

“Suguri, your temper-”

“I DON’T HAVE A TEMPER.” Screamed every person who totally doesn’t have a temper ever “NOW BACK OFF, THIS IS BETWEEN ME, AN-” Having enough of this bullshit, Kyosuke finally removed his shirt.

Upon removing it, his perfect abs released a blinding flash of light, forcing both Suguri and Hime to avert their vision from his absurdly chiseled body. At the same time as him revealing heaven itself in the form of his abs, techno music that can only be described as “Kyosuke’s Theme” began blaring at full volume, causing most of the store goer’s ears to start profusely bleeding.

“GAAAAH, SUGURI, WHAT IS THAT!?!?” Hime screamed, turning away as to protect her child’s eyes.

“I DON’T KNOW… BUT….. IT’S B E A U T I F U L .” Kyosuke then socked Suguri in the mouth. Suguri, only having a defense of -1, and Kyosuke now having +2 ATK after casting off, Suguri was naturally sent flying through several shelfs of tacky clothing, and into the freezer section the JCpenny had for some reason. The frozen meats of the shelf Suguri had landed into promptly topped over, crushing Suguri underneath a mountain of meat.

Recovering from drowning in meat, Suguri, now dressed in several layers of fugly Cosby sweaters due to being slammed through several clothing shelves, bursted out from the meat pile. She spat out a mouthful of teeth from Kyosuke’s previous punch, and regrew them all instantaneously. However, before she could get her barings, Kyosuke had instant-transmissioned in front of her and gave her another wallop to the face, sending her soaring back into the clothing department section of JCpenny. Before she could even realize where she was flying, Kyosuke had already transmissioned infront of her, bashing her into the ground via double-fist-pounding her face, creating a loud, disgusting crack on impact, and creating a creator where she landed. Not even getting in a single blow, Suguri was K.O’d.

“Pathetic whelp.” Kyosuke scoffed at Suguri, spitting on her unconscious body, and cracking out a cuban cigar from his pants pocket he had, cause they were cool, lit it up by simply tapping it against his chest, and stuffed it into his mouth. “You’re no match for my style.”

“SUGURI!!!” Hime yelled, finally catching up to the two. She dropped her baby on the floor and jumped into the crater Suguri laid in. “Suguri! Suguri!!!” She shook Suguri in an attempt to wake her back up, but alas, she was down for the count. “What… What did you do to her?”

“She was a worthless weakling.” Kyosuke scoffed, barely being audible over his own theme playing at max volume. “You’re next if you do not get the fuck out of my JCpenny this instant.”

“... Perhaps if you had asked nicely-”

“Which I did several times.”

“WE ARE BEYOND THE REALM OF FORGIVENESS NOW. You have hurt Suguri, and thus, I MUST SMITE YOU.” Instantaneously, Hime grew wings made of red and blue energy blades, and roughly 250 chains bursted from her necklace orb, burrowing into the ground, and erupting upwards, creating a sort of battledome for the two to fight in.

“You’re making a mistake.”

“Often times I would agree, BUT THIS TIME.” She summoned several ethereal swords by her side. “I KNOW THAT THIS IS NOT A MISTAKE! Just know that by “smite” I mean “hurt somewhat badly, but not fatally” cause I don’t do that sort of thing, but I AM going to rough you up a bit! Just know that after this if you’d like to talk out our differences over a nice cup of tea and talk about our feelings I WOULD BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO-” mid monologue, Kyosuke instant transmissioned in front of Hime, grabbed her by the nipples, twisted and pulled them as hard as he could, and kneed her in the cunt with the power of Chuck Norris flicking someone, which is about 3 tons of pressure. The overwhelming jolt of pain caused a circuit in Hime’s brain to overload, resulting in a flash of sparks coming out of her right ear, along with a cloud of gas, and Hime fumbling to the ground, paralyzed from head to toe. With the ex-Guardian God of Shifu’s spaceship dealt with, Kyosuke turned his attention to Pinzu, whose jaw was hanging to the floor.

“LOOTH MATH” Pinzu begged, backing up as Kyosuke took several steps towards him. “I AITH GOTH NOTHHITH THO THO WITHH THHEIR BULLTHITH, I THAW A OPPERTHUNITHY ANTH I THOOK ITH, PLEATH THON’T THUCK THE UP!!!” However, instead of thucking Pinzu up, Kyosuke merely took the cigar out of his mouth, stuck it into Pinzu’s mouth as so Pinzu would start smoking it, patted him on the back and said.

“Keep on pimping, kid.” he then put his shirt back on, causing the music and lights to stop, and strutted back to his post… After taking a quick puff of his new cigar, Pinzu grabbed comatosed Suguri and lobotomized Hime by the legs and began dragging them outside, hoping to find someone who can wake them up so he can get back to sucking Hime’s tit. Pinzu may have been a rapist, but in his eyes, there was just something a bit wrong with doing a bitch while they’re out… Just… It just seems sorta unfair, and kinda creepy. If he’s gonna rape someone, he’s gonna do it while they’re awake. Yeah that’s right, Pinzu has at least 50% more honor than Bill Cosby, blow me.

***

After being trapped in what felt like soft cuddly purgatory for god knows how long, Kai was finally regurgitated out of Cuddle’s warm fluffy chest, and onto a makeshift-log seat the gang had made during his absence, and by gang, I mean Cuddles cause QP doesn’t know how to carve wood and Syura was too sick to do jack shit.

“See? Fine.” Cuddles commented to QP. “Now stuff back in. Dangerous.”

“Kai’s not dangerous! He’s just stupid, right Kai?” QP responded, pointing her attention to Kai for validation on her remark.

“... I feel like I’ve been trapped in a cushy warm black hole for the last hour… Like all my senses were off, but in a state of unimaginable pleasure all at the same time… I don’t know if I’m glad to be out, or depressed that it’s over.” Kai muttered, staring at the strange purple fire set in front of him. “Also, why is this fire pur-”

“See, a complete bonehead!” QP, upon her point being proven as absolute fact, put her hands on her hips and did a somewhat sassy victory pose.

“Liability.” QP’s victory ceremony was abruptly ended by Cuddle’s comment, causing her to go into panic mode, breaking her pose in the process.

“NO NOT LIABILITY!!! KAI’S JUST A LITTLE SLOW IS ALL, DON’T HURT HIM!!!

“Guys, can the determining factor in whether I live or die not be if I’m retarded or not?” Kai politely asked, raising his hand like a queer.

“NO, KAI, LET QP DO THIS!!!” QP demanded.

“Well fine, I’ll just go check on Syura while you-” Kai made a move to get up, but Cuddles slammed his fist in front of him to prevent him from doing so.

“STILL UNDER WATCH. MOVE AND DIE.” The rabbit bellowed into Kai’s ear.

“FINE, fine, whatever, I’ll just… Sit here, or something while you two debate whether I’m a psychopath for trying to DEFEND MY FRIEND FROM A GIANT KILLER RABBIT.” he yelled in QP’s direction. “Or just a braindead idiot who should know his place in the kitchen.”

“... That’s a girl insult though.” QP corrected. “SEE! HE IS STUPID, SO DON’T-”

“CAN I AT LEAST GET SOMETHING TO EAT!? JESUS CHRIST!!!” Kai then looked around, and noticed a large hand-made wicker basket of fresh berries. Without even asking, he grabbed a handful and stuffed his face with it. As he chewed on the fruit, he crossed his arms angrily to exercise the point that he was mad at everyone for being so mean to him… He then noticed that nobody was giving him the appropriate response he was hoping for as QP and Cuddle just awkwardly stared at him. “... What?” He asked.

“Those berries made of 20% human cum extract.” Cuddles pointed out. Kai’s eyes immediately dilated, and looked back at the berries… The tiny, multicolored, dick shaped berries… Suddenly, the slight taste of salt began to emerge from the berries in his mouth. Kai’s entire body began to slightly shake in immense terror, jaw slightly opening in disbelief, and, in a sudden movement, he spat the contents of his mouth into the purple fire, and began seizing on the floor, screaming like a little bitch.

“NOOOOO!!! OH GOD, NO, FUCK, AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! AAAAAARG, FUCK, OOOOOOOOOOOOH, AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!” Kai screeched, rolling around the ground and spitting constantly between breaths.

“.... So confirmed idiot?” Cuddles asked.

“Yeah.” QP agreed, grabbing some normal blueberries from the basket next to her and popping a few in her mouth. “So” QP began to ask, chomping down on those blue ass berries. “You look different from the other plush rabbits. What makes you so special?”. QP began to really eye up Cuddles, now that she had a chance to get a real good look at him in this casual environment. He wasn’t made of the usual gray fabric as the other rabbits. Cuddles, instead, seemed to be crocheted in black yarn. Cuddles sighed in response, taking a seat where Kai was once sitting to talk.

“First” He mumbled “First plush”.

“Really?” QP asked, tilting her head a bit as her interest grew. “But, why don’t I see you with Krila more often? If anything, she carries that tiny lion doll with her more”.

“First…. Not favorite” Cuddles watched QP’s expression go from curious to somewhat distraught “Loved, none less, but…. Not favored. Indispensable, yet, less useful now.”. He grabbed a nearby piece of firewood and added it to the fire everyone was gathered around.

“What do you mean now?”

“Cuddles made to protect Krila during adolescence. Trained to know many first aid tactics in case Krila hurt self, or survival information incase Cuddles get lost with her. Can also sense the auras of food items, such as berries, nuts, veggies, anything for potential poison or allergies. Krila deathly allergic to some things, such as milk, so must know these things.”

“Wait, Krila’s lactose intolerant?” QP asked, genuinely surprised.

“Yes. Cuddles prepare most milk based recipes for her using milk substitutes.”

“You sound super important! Why would Krila not need you as much anymore?” Cuddles, surprisingly, tilted his head down a bit at QP’s words, as if trying to hide his face a bit.

“Krila… Know this already.” He began, a slight sorrow ringing in his voice. “Cuddles once… So important. Krila always needs, always talk to, always look up to… Cuddles now just bodyguard… An easily expendable rook. She cook by herself, she treat her own wounds, never gets lost… Simply… Outgrew Cuddles.”

“... Oh.” QP replied. The two had a very long, awkward silence as QP didn’t know how to respond, and Cuddles simply having nothing left to say on the matter. Thankfully, to break up the awkwardness, Syura had reawoken from her vomit-coma.

“...q…..p.” She muttered, attempting to get QP’s attention, spite laying down on the ground, turned away from the fire, thus away from QP.

“...” QP looked over to Cuddles, implying she wanted to go over to Syura.

“Go.” he said, looking to her only for a brief moment before going back to watching the fire to the soothing sounds of Kai having a seizure.

“Thank you bunnyman! Be right back!” QP then ran over to Syura on all fours like a dog and pounced on top of her girlfriend, awkwardly laying atop her in a position where her rightmost leg was to the front of Syura, her left to her back, and breasts pressing against her left arm.

“Uuuuurg, QP, please.” Syura groggily begged as her dog girlfriend laid atop her. “Syura’s… Too weak for this shit.”

“Oh! Sorry!” QP then flumped over to the right as to meet face to face with Syura. “Hi Syura~”

“Hi QP…” Syura responded, tirely putting a hand on the side of QP’s face. “Do… Do you have any healing items?... Pudding maybe?... I hate to ask but… I’m not… Feeling too good.”

“Of course Syura! Let QP check!” QP then began digging around in her hand… Not physical hand, but card hand, which is different from her invento- actually, you’re not an idiot, you can piece it together. “.... No, sorry, Syura. QP only has two Hyper modes and a Mimic.”

“That’s… That’s okay, QP. thanks for checking.” Syura replied, trying smile the best she could under her given circumstances.

“W-well.” QP began thinking, trying to think of something to impress her new girlfriend with. WAIT! GIRLFRIEND!!! “QP can give Syura this!” Without warning, QP suddenly pecked Syura on the lips.

“Gah- QP, don’t my breath stinks.”

“QP doesn’t care, she loves Syura!” She then lovingly nibbled on Syura’s lower lip as a sign of puppy affection, making the anime “3” mouth as she did so. Syura would verbally protest to this, it was made somewhat impossible due to one of her lips being out of commission due to QP’s boundless love for Syura, which she needed in order to annunciate, so she instead gave up and started scratching the back of QP’s head, causing QP to start kicking her left hind leg, tail rapidly wagging in compliment to it.

After a rough minute of scratching, QP’s teeth had finally loosened from Syura, reeling back into her hand as to intensify the efficiency of Syura’s head scratches, allowing Syura to get a good look at QP’s mirthful little face as she enjoyed her skritches.

It was weird, her and QP did stuff like this all the time, yet, now with the added context of them being a sexual item, it was sort of taking on a new feel to her. This was still unbearably cute, but now there was also that.. Temptation. The knowledge that she could take this further at any time, and QP would probably say yes to it… In all honesty, she didn’t know if she liked this feeling, or not. It was a powerful feeling, yes, but at the same time, it somewhat ruined the cute atmosphere… Would… Would she ever feel the simple cute atmosphere again? It didn’t seem possible at this point, the two of them had already come so far with this, and, even if they were to go back to just being friends, and neither had any bad feelings towards the other after the breakup, the mere memory of what went down on that ship would taint the simple moments they’d share after this…

Syura opted to just not think about it anymore. If anything, she was just tired, and her tired, sickly brain was just thinking about negatives where they didn’t belong. Both her and QP wanted this for such a long time, and now they finally both have it. Even if Syura liked the simplicity of the past, it was gone now, and she was going to have to settle down with QP whether she liked it or not, and thankfully, she did like it. QP can be annoying and overbearing sometimes, but she was, by all means, the only person who really understood Syura, and stuck with her through even the worst moments of her life. Maybe it was just cause she was a dumb dog and would stick with Syura no matter what stupid crap she did, and simply latched on cause Syura needed her support, and that made QP feel special, or something. At this point, Syura didn’t care. QP made her happy, and she made QP feel happy, and that’s all that mattered, and NOTHING was going to ruin that.

Without another sad thought coming to mind, Syura continued to scratch the back of QP’s head, the naughty power she had faintly floating around in the back of her mind as she did so.

***

Meanwhile, somewhere else in the jungle, a purple button down shirt was grazing on some lush jungle flowers. It was a proud purple shirt, with several tiny purple button down shirts cubs that’d ironically fit on some actual tiny dogs if you were to put them on one. Once it was done consuming the flesh of these flowers, it’d carry the rest back it’s den, and feed them to it’s cubs and loving mate, which was going to most likely come home from the button sweatshop the purple shirt society made down by the river. Life was good for this purple shirt, and there was nothing in the world that would stop it from providing for it’s famil-

***

Using her plastic-wood spear, Saki nailed some random sentient purple shirt in the back of it’s… Collar? I dunno, anyways, it fucking died, which was good enough for Saki. Saki scampered up to the dead purple shirt, and began plucking the teeth from around the collar, and afterwords, shaking out it’s weird cloth organs. With all the crap in between finally being rid of, she unbuttoned the top few buttons, and slid it over her head, followed by rebuttoning it up. The shirt was a somewhat loose fit, which was good, but it was also a bit damp from crawling around the jungle ground for all this time, not to mention it had this massive tip in it where Saki stabbed it, making it a less than ideal for wearing. Still, a shirt was a shirt, and it did cover her nips, so it was good enough for her.

“Excellent kill, Saki!” Peat congratulated, coming out of the bushes “you’re quickly becoming quite the hunter!” Peat walked up to Saki and patted her now clothed body on the back. Saki smiled and giggled, jumping up and down a bit in giddiness. “Alright, now that we got the whole ‘naked’ thing taken care of, we can go over some basic survival tips. You ready?”

“SIR YES SIR!!!” Saki yelled, making a little salute pose.

“Alright, now” Peat began “Imagine we just entered the jungle. I know we’ve been here for a bit, but just bare with me, in Exampleland™, we just landed here. Your plane crashed, or a parachuting accident happened, and you fell into the middle of the jungle, WOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAH!!!” Peat yelled, doing a little spin to represent falling. Saki joined in, also yelling.

“WOOOOOOOOAAAAAAH!!!” Saki screamed while spinning.

“Yeah, Like that!” Peat said “And you landed here! Now, what I’ve learned from personal experience is to get your emotional fear out of the way first, SO!!!” Peat got onto the ground “You wanna ball yourself up, like this” Peat got into a fetal position, and waited for Saki to join him, which she did “Good good, and now you gotta scream. Scream as loud as you can, and just get your fear out of you in one, loud, jolt, okay?” Peat gave her a few minutes to prepare her voice “Alright, 3, 2, 1…”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!”
After the scream, the two laughed at the silliness of the whole scenario, and got up off the ground. “Alright, excellent scream! That most likely attracted some wildlife, but I did it first time I was here, and I wasn’t mauled, so hopefully, that won’t happen either… Though given the invisible snake thing, we may want to walk and talk”. And walk and talk they did. Peat showed her how to tie a knot, start a fire, how to filter water, how to stab something for maximum lethality, ect. He did so in various goofy and fun ways someone like Saki would understand. They even did a little song and dance number called “Another Step Forward”, which sung about always moving forward no matter how bad things get. Saki didn’t spoil the fact that she was augmented, thus 90% of what he was teaching her was completely useless to her survival if she was lost here, entirely out of the immense enjoyment she got from Peat teaching her all this stuff, and how comically he screamed whenever he accidentally hurt himself… Like, not in a sadistic way, but you know how Tom screams in Tom and Jerry? Yeah, he kinda sounded like that. It was hilarious to her.

“So, you never answered Peat, what did you mean by this place being full of Kiriko throws out?” Saki asked, biting into a gummy apple picked from a fruit snack tree.

“Right, I never really got around to that. See, Kiriko makes A LOT of weird stuff, like stuff to make her own life easier, such as… I dunno, maybe a hairbrush that brushes her mop of a hairdo for her?” Peat began talking, slicing through some jungle vines as he talked “Well, she often times screws up and makes something that’d sooner kill her rather than make her life easier, so she tosses it out into this jungle, such as the same example brush growing teeth and trying to eat her brain. The failed crap she tosses then begin to just… I dunno? Colonize? Adapt? They become a part of the environment itself, and it creates this weird mishmash of weird ass killer… Fucking… Things? I don’t know. That shirt you killed earlier, if I were to guess, that was her attempt at making breedable shirts so she wouldn’t have to buy anymore, but they were too feral to contain, so she just tossed it. At least the failed prototypes, anyways. God knows what she keeps in that sky pillar she calls a tower.” Peat peaked through a particularly thick shrub, only to retract his back from it almost instantly, and stare back at Saki with a face of absolute terror, a scared smile stapled to his face.

“What’s wrong, Peat? Another monster? Can I kill it?” Saki asked Peat, a twinkle in her eye at the prospect of murder.

“Um….. Okay, so, remember how I said I crashed here before a few times?” Saki nodded. “Yeah well, it was almost just once. See, there was this one thing that essentially has a grudge with me since I first saw it, and every time I’ve been here since, it’s nearly killed me.” Curious, Saki peered through the bushes to see what Peat was so scared of, causing him to have a damn near heart attack, but he didn’t stop her, since the noise of him jumping her might make it aware of his existence. Saki saw what seemed to be a giant pile of highly out of place snow. As she looked at it, the air got strangely colder.

“What, that?” Saki asked. Peat’s eyes just widened. “Pffft, Peat, I thought you were brave! That’s just a-” as Saki looked back, she saw nothing but a giant, frozen, light blue, reptilian eye staring right back at her, and a cold, dead breath breathing down the front of her neck. Saki’s calm demeanor disappeared. “.... Peat…. What is that?”

“Kiriko actually told me during my second visit…. That’s her first attempt at making never-melting snow cones…. Now Saki….. Take a deep breath…… AND FUCKING RUN!!!!!!!!” Peat and Saki promptly booked it, a large, all consuming mound of snow and death slithering after them, destroying all in its wake.

***

Pinzu twiddled his thumbs in the OJHQ’s Medical Wards waiting room, awaiting news on the state of Suguri and Hime. He was escorted here by some Robo-Balls who said that those ones were representatives of here, or something, and did a big exposition about what the building was for or whatever, but Pinzu didn’t actually listen to that shit since it had nothing to do with him getting laid. However, he came with anyways, cause otherwise these two pieces of hot puss would probably legit die, and if fucking them while their asleep was bad, necrophilia was, like, next stage bullshit. In a single action, he’d go from being better than Bill Cosby, to worse than half the cast of Higurashi, and that’s some bad fucking shit right there.

Eventually, the speakers pinged, and said “Number 69, you’re wanted”. Pinzu checked his ticket, which did read 69, lol, and he walked into the doctor’s office. There sat the owner/ceo/head doctor/who the fuck cares of the building sitting behind a wooden desk, and to the left, Suguri and Hime sat in hospital beds, Hime laying as stiff as she was back at the JCpenny on her bed, and Sugari with one hell of a head-brace on her’s. The doctor of the room spoke.

“What. The fuck. Happened?” NoName spoke, putting his hands together in a formal way, trying to keep his cool. “How in the everloving FUCK did these two end up like this?”

“Don’th be thush a ba-aby” Pinzu said, flicking his cigar “I thaw Thugari rethen ather Hime cathually broke her arm. Thhey are gonna be fine”.

“HIME = LOBOTOMIZED AND SUGURI = A FUCKING TOMATO, DON’T GIVE ME THAT SHIT!!!”

“ITH FITHE, THHEY CATH JUTHH REGETHERATHE!!!” Sick of his shit, NoName hit a button on his desk, and two x-ray pictures lowered from the ceiling on what looked like crappy fish-hook strings. “Waith, how dith you-”

“See, from here.” He took out a little teacher stick and started poking at the X-Ray from afar. “You can see this little piece of shattered skull lodged in Suguri’s brain. This is lodged in a part of her brain augmented to speed up regeneration process, meaning-” He was cut off by the sound of Pinzu snoring, as he had fell asleep upon hearing the word ‘brain’ which was when he decided this was going to be a bunch of boring ass hospital talk. To regain his attention, NoName grabbed a glock from his desk and shot at the ceiling.

“THITH, I’M UP!!!!”

“SUGURI = CAN’T REGENERATE DUE TO BRAIN DAMAGE, HIME = CAN’T REGENERATE CAUSE BROKEN, UNDERSTOOD!?”

“CATH YOU THIX THHEM OR NOTH!?!?”

“Holy shit, YOU ARE JUST LIKE MY FUCKING WIFE!!! Never caring about the fucking FACTS and just being all “BUT WHAT ABOUT THE RESULTS, WHEN WILL WE GET THE THING” and she never fucking thinks about how I FEEL and MY bullshit, but she’s always at fucking work and never spends ANY FUCKING TIME WITH-”

“You lothh me ath your ugthy athh havthig a wife.” *Well struck* +100

“... Fuck you, asshole.” Pinzu simply raised twin birds at him in response. Normally, NoName would just have someone drag him out and shoot him out back, but instead, a slight, devilish smile began forming over his face. “I like your sass, kid. We could use someone like you.”

“Thuck you.”

“You sure? That’s pretty gay, kid. I thought you’d wanna fuck either of those fine women over there, but I gueeeeeess I was wrong.” *A singular strike!* +250

“I-I-I’M NOTH GAY!!!”

“Well I mean, I was about to offer you a deal that ended with both those girl’s holes rubbing against your dick, but since you’d so rather fuck me-” Pinzu then practically slammed his entire upper torso onto NoName’s desk and began begging.

“I’M LITHENING, WATHS THHE PLAN!?!?” With a shit eating grin, NoName continued.

“See, we can fix these two yet, uuuh-”

“Pinthu.”

“We can still fix these two, Pinthu.”

“Tho, my thame ith-”

“Shut up Pinthu, I’m explaining shit.”

“Thuck you.”

“I thought we went over this shit already.”

“THUCK YOU!!!”

“Well fuck you right back!”

“THUCK YOU!!”

“FUCK YOU!!!”

“THUCK YOU!!!”

“FUCK YOU!!!”

“WOULD BOTH OF YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!?” Yuki suddenly interrupted, coming out from under NoName’s desk. “I’m TRYING to suck THIS assholes dick so he won’t snitch on me and my important Waruda shit, so PLEASE LET ME DO MY FUCKING SHIT.” Pinzu simply stared in awe at the catgirl before she just rolled her eyes and went back under the desk. “Seriously, you both sound like an old married couple. Jesus.” *A decisive pummeling!!!* +500

After that awkward as hell realization, Pinzu’s eyes slowly gandered back to NoName… He then gave him a thumbs up, and NoName gave him a thumbs up back. They then fist bumped, their shared acknowledgement of women being only good for sucking dick and nothing else bonding them to a point closer than that of brothers.

Before Pinzu knew it, 2 hours had passed, and the two of them had just co-oped 80% of Halo Reach’s campaign on Heroic difficulty in the building’s rec room, all while Yuki continued to suck NoName’s dick in the meantime.

“Aaaaaah thit.” Pinzu began, pausing the game. “Thithn’t we hathe thumbthing tho tho?”

“.... Oh shit, right, Suguri and Hime = dying.” NoName put his controler down on Yuki’s head and attempted to get up from his bean bag chair, only to remember Yuki was sorta pinning him down due to… Yeah, that. “Well shit, department store is probably closed now, but we can still salvage this.”

“I thon’th hath athy monthy.”

“... I honestly have no idea what the fuck you’re saying, Pinthu.”

“ITH PITH-”

“REGARDLESS, I’m sure you’re a broke son of a bitch anyways, so just buying the shit I need won’t work anyways.” NoName took a moment to think, the sounds of Yuki swallowing dick filling the now quiet room. “Alright, um, you fine with murdering people, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright good. See that… Healy death ray thing, I dunno, shit takes plutonium rods, and I USED to have some, but I sold them so I could-” don’t say a 100 yard swimming pool, Yuki can use that shit right against you. “... Stuff. Anyways, I’m out now, so could you make a run over to the power plant and pick some up?”

“Tho power pthanthh hathe thhath thhuth?”

“... I have no idea what you just fucking said.”

“Thuck you.”

“I understood that one. Whatever you said, can you do that shit?”

“I thunno… Whath thhis goththa tho withh thucking Thuguri anth Thime?”

“The ray can also inject people with sexual hormones for a bit of extra power. Trust me, they can’t say no when their bodies are 20% the chemical embodiment of needing sex.” Pinzu took a moment to think about it… Deal sounded pretty fucking good.

“Yeah, I cath tho thhath thith.” Pinzu agreed, nodding.

“Alright, awesome! I’ll call someone to pick you up.” NoName then digged into his weird jumpsuit outfit, pulled an “Overseer” card out from his weird man cleavage, and crushed it, causing Flying Castle to smash in through the wall.

“HEY DERE, BUDDY, HOWZIT GOIN!?” Flying Castle greeted in a goofy deep voice, a cheery expression on his bricks. Pinzu immediately began screaming like a bitch, falling over backwards in his beanbag chair from shock.

“Get this guy over to the power plant so he can rob me some plutonium rods, will ya?” NoName asked.

“Okie dokie, boss man! You’re the boss!”

“Redundant = Redundant?” Flying Castle merely stared back at NoName at this comment. “... Just get him there.”

“:D” Without further ado, Flying Castle scooped Pinzu into one of its canons, and left out the ceiling, smashing through several floors worth of rooms until smashing through the ceiling of OJHQ, and taking off into the sunset with his new best friend… Meanwhile, back inside-

“GOD DAMNIT!!!” Yuki screamed, having removed her mouth from NoName’s member, switching to jacking him off for a bit so she could complain. “HOW MUCH FUCKING LONGER UNTIL YOU-” he then came on her face, making a distinct squirting noise as he did.

“HA, DUMBASS, I COULD LITERALLY CUM ANYTIME I WANTED TO THIS ENTIRE TIME!” NoName mocked, proceeding to laugh at Yuki’s face as it progressively got redder and redder.

“ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!?”

“I’M A ROBOT, WHAT DO YOU THINK, DUMBASS!?”

“AAAAAUUUUUUUUUUURG!!!” Yuki then, frustrated beyond all belief, proceeded to storm out of the building, forgetting her face was caked in a thick layer of artificial cum, leading to her getting several odd looks from passersby she didn’t get until she got home to the Waruda’s current hideout, looked the mirror, took a shower, and screamed into her pillow to vent the last of the day’s frustrations. Today fucking sucked.

***

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” Pinzu continued to scream as he scrambled around Flying Castle’s canon.

“Woah there buddy! Everythin’s gonna be A-O-K, ya hear? Now calm your-” Pinzu continued to scream. “Just hear me-” Another loud scream. “Now my friend, how bou-” Still screaming.
“SHUT THE FUCK UP.”
Pinzu finally stopped screaming, his fear of pissing off Flying Castle anymore overriding his fear of being abducted by Flying Castle. “Alrighty, that’s better! Now I’ma gonna warn you, the power plant is full of all sorts of hazardous chemicals-”

“Why?” Pinzu asked.

“Cause future! :D”

“Oh othkay.”

“Anyways, to protect yourself from the harmful mutating radiation, put on that there diddly hazmat suit, otherwise, you’ll turn into a cronenberg wet dream, and neither of us want that no-sir-ree.” Pinzu felt around the canon he was inside of… Yeah, there sure was just a Hazmat suit in here.

“... Tho you juthth hathe thhith ith here?”

“ARE ALL YOU GOOD FOR IS ASKING QUESTIONS!?”
“THO!!!”

“Then put on the suit :D” Fearing for his life, Pinzu began frantically putting the suit over his normal clothing, praying to god he was putting everything on right. After putting on most of the suit, Roblox Sweet Breaker decided to pop in for her cameo via portal.

“My child!” She wisely spoke, lighting up a joint “How is your quest going?”

“Ith going-” Pinzu was stopped before he could finish.

“Oh god damn, my child, that is a horrific lisp! What happened to you?”

“Thyura kthneed me ith thhe mouthh” Pinzu said, getting his hazmat gloves on.

“Yeah, actually, I already know, I saw, I just wanted to hear your poor, sweet, stupid fucking lisp again, you pathetic whelp”. Roblox Sweet Breaker then blew a cloud of dank weed smoke onto Pinzu’s face.

“Geth thhe fuck outh of here.” Pinzu said, focusing on dressing up once more.

“Well damn, my child, I was just gonna give you something so you wouldn’t get immediately raped and killed when you storm into a fucking heavily armed nuclear power plant, but shit, my child, I guess I’m fucking overstepping my ass on this one, so I’ll just fucking go. Sorry for wasting your time, asshole”. Roblox Sweet Breaker then opened a portal to leave, but Pinzu grabbed her arm and yelled.

“THO THO THO THO THO THO THO, I THEED THHE HELP, PLEATHE!!!”

“Well alright my child, since you asked so nicely, but it’ll cost you” She said, taking the blunt out of her mouth.

“*thigh*, whath?” Pinzu asked, knowing he was gonna be sucking some more dick soon.

“This” Alternatively to skullfucking, Roblox Sweet Breaker pressed one end of the blunt onto Pinzu’s forehead, burning him.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Pinzu screamed in agony as the blunt burnt the flesh of his forehead.

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Alright, faggot, here you go, PEACE!” She then tossed Pinzu a Crest Shield and Queelog’s Furysword from Dark Souls and pissed off back into the orange dimension. The cannon now reeked like candy orange mist and weed. Pinzu got on his hazmat helm and tried to pick up the weapons, but sadly, Pinzu was only human, and couldn’t quite pick them up.

“THUCK, THUCK, THUCK!!! THWEET BREATHER!?!? HETHP!!!” Pinzu begged, being too pussy to use a real woman’s sword. Roblox Sweet Breaker opened a small portal, putting her block arm through it.

“Oh yeah, you’ll need this” She said. She then poofed Pinzu enough strength and dexterity to use the weapon and shield. The portal then closed. Hazmat Pinzu took a quick swing of his new weapon. It felt good.

“Groovfy” Pinzu lisped. This shit was gonna rock.

“Alrighty! You got the last of your suit on?” Flying Castle asked. “Cause we’re here!”

“Uh” Pinzu quickly popped on his mask. “Yeah!”

“Alright, HAVE FUN!” The cannon Pinzu was in then quickly aimed down towards the power plant, and shot him. With flaming greatsword in hand, Pinzu pointed it towards the wall of the Power Plant, and promptly splatted against the wall. He didn’t die, but he did peel off the wall rather cartoonishly and fell onto the ground. After dusting himself off he turned back to Castle.

“CATHLE YOU THUCK, I THITHN’T-” it was too late, he was already gone. “THUCK.”... Well, shit… Guess he has to take the front door now.

Pinzu walked over to the front of the almost fortress like power plant, and to a little security booth housing a Robo-Ball guard.

“Yo” Pinzu started “Lemme ith or I’ll thill etherthyothe thith there.”

“Error, this one does not understand you. Would you please repeat?” The ball asked, not being able to read Pinzu’s voice command.

“Thuck you.”

“Still cannot understand, please- wait.” The Robo-Ball scanned Pinzu. More importantly, his Hazmat suit. “This one recognizes your attire as that of a hazmat suit, perfect for work conditions within the power plant alongside his robo brethren. It can imply that you are, in fact, a worker, and that this one is holding you up. Is this true or not true?” Pinzu opened his mouth, but quickly realized that this would most likely lead to an endless loop of the Robo not understanding him to the point of him losing his shit and killing it. Since Pinzu was lazy and didn’t want to have a big action scene cause that’s hard, he just nodded.

“A nod. Human silent communication as yes, which is agreement, which does not confirm either case. This one will ‘cut the crap’” It winked, letting Pinzu know it was hip with the humans. “And simply ask ‘is this true?’” Pinzu nodded again. “Good, this one will open the drawbridge, have a fun day at work, fellow human!” It then poked a button with it’s little metal flipper and the drawbridge lowered over the acid mote… Wow, this shit was too easy. Happily, Pinzu strutted on into the power plant, ready to just grab all the rods he wants without any form of resistance whatsoever. Life was easy sometimes!!!

***

After finally expelling what he was pretty sure was the last of the cum from his system, Kai, lips slightly wet from forcing himself to vomit multiple times, crawled back onto two feet.

“Alright.” Kai mumbled. “I think… I think I’m good now, guys. We can continue towards the tower now.”

“We’re already here, though.” QP brang up while sitting on the jungle floor, brushing Syura’s hair as she laid on her lap.

“... Wait, wha-” Kai suddenly looked past the purple fire, which was pretty distracting due to how weird it was, and noticed the endlessly tall spire to heaven before him. “... How long have we been here?”

“The entire time.” QP replied. “Cuddles got us here super fast, and we’ve been camping ever since.”

“H-HOW DIDN’T I NOTICE!?”

“You were too busy freaking out cause you ate dickberrys.” ….. True.

“Okay, well, why haven’t we gone in there yet?” Cuddle, after finishing throwing another log into the fire and breathing a massive amount of purple fire at the campfire to quickly reignite it… Guess that explains why the fire was purple, and turned to Kai.

“Locked.” Cuddles said. “Door indestructible. No one come when knock. Waiting till Kiriko opens.”

“So you tried to break it before knocking?”

“Fuck you, you ate seaman.”

“FUCK YOU, YOU SHOULD HAVE WARNED ME!!!”

“YOU GAVE NO CHANCE TO, IDIOT.”

“WELL MAYBE IF YOU DIDN’T STUFF ME IN YOUR STUPID CHEST WHILE YOU PICKED THEM which I’m assuming that’s when you got them- WHY DID YOU EVEN PICK THIS SHIT IF YOU KNOW THEY WERE FULL OF CUM!?”

“FOOD IS FOOD.”

“Then why are you giving me shit for eating them!?”

“Cause you give Cuddles shit for you eating before asking what they are.” Kai opened his mouth to give Cuddles shit back, but then he realized he made a somewhat good point… Feeling defeated, Kai just replied with a snarky little comment and called it day until the magical tower door opened up.

“Yeah and I wonder why Krila doesn’t use you anymore.” *A DEVASTATING BLOW!!!* +1000

Cuddles promptly spit-taked a geyser of fire in a direction away from anyone’s vulnerable flesh and, after, began staring at Kai.

“WOOOOOOOOOOOAH.” QP went, noticing the gravity of Kai’s diss. “WOOOAH, Kai… Wooooah.”

“What? I mean, I’m not wrong am I? I mean first off, she’s out grown it entirely, that lady could take the entire world on her own at this point. Really doesn’t need a glorified nanny plush nagging her on how to do shit. Hell, I’ve never even seen that lion plush of hers talk once! Big improvement over “Mr. big strong bunny who bad at talking like normal person cause would get in way of bigness and strongness”. Seriously, I’d toss you out too if I had to listen to that for my entire childhood. Also just LOOK at him! He’s fucking TERRIFYING, and it doesn't help he’d rather KILL anything that looks at him funny rather then talk it out like a normal human be-”

“You shot him before talking to hi-”

“I’M NOT TALKING TO YOU, QP!!! And you’re DEFENDING this guy over ME! YOUR FRIEND!!! And your excuse for me thinking he was about to RIP YOUR ARM OFF and doing what most people would consider the sensible thing of SHOOTING THE BIG SCARY MONSTER is that I’m stupid!?!? Maybe, NOW JUST MAYBE, YOU’RE the stupid one for thinking a giant monster like this can just so easily be tru-”

“I’M NOT STUPID!!!” QP very suddenly, very loudly snapped at Kai, causing him to lean back in surprise.

“Wooooah, where is this coming fro-”

“QP has had ENOUGH from bullies calling her stupid in school, she DOESN’T need it from you too!!!” QP explained “So SHUT UP!!!”

“... I…. Uh.” Kai stumbled, not expecting this very sudden emotional turn.

“He right.” Cuddles muttered. “Cuddles worthless now. Master Krila… Never even touch Cuddles in so long. Make him feel… Ugly.”

“Wait what.” Kai interrupted, getting some bad vibes from that wording.

“Cuddles used to be groomed, hugged, loved… No more. Cuddles replaced by Lion. Only lion gets love now.” Oh thank god it’s just cheesy Toy Story love, not love love. “Cuddles would give anything… Anything at all… Just to go back to when Krila was small and needed him. Back when Cuddles was small too, back when little yarn was in his construct, and could be held in her arms like a normal plushie.” Very suddenly, Cuddles smashed a big fluffy fist into the ground next to him, creating a large crater in its wake. “WHY CAN’T CUDDLES GO BACK IN TIME!?!? WHY EVERYTHING HORRIBLE NOW!?!?!” Cuddles then stood upright, walked away from the campsite, ripped the nearest tree he could find from it’s roots, and tossed it over the heads of Kai and QP, and into the tower, the tree snapping in half upon impact with the tower. “WHY CUDDLES EVEN ALIVE!?!?”

“Nice going, Kai.” QP growled, going back to petting her girlfriend.

“H-HEY! I didn’t… I…” Kai attempted to argue against QP’s sass, but he realized he did mean everything he just said. “... Okay, so, I’m sorry I-” QP raised a hand to tell Kai to stop silently.

“Tell it to him.” she commanded, pointing to Cuddles, who had ripped another tree out of the ground and was slamming it repeatedly into the ground.

“Fuck no, he’ll smash me into a fine paste! LOOK AT MY HAND!!!” He then waved his disgusting ballsack of a hand around to emphasize it. “He’ll do that shit to my entire body!!!”

“Tell it to somebody who’s actually your friend, baka.” *HOW QUICKLY THE TIDE TURNS!!!* -1000 Kai, +1500 QP

Kai opened his mouth once again to try and say something back, but simply had no ammunition to fire. He was just defriended by QP. QP of all people. One of the nicest girls in the entire OJverse. What can someone say in response to that? That’s not something that just happens, you need to TRY to have someone like QP say something like that to you.

It was at this point Kai began rethinking his entire life up until this point. Granted, he never wished to live in a world filled with seagulls, chickens, and floating robot balls as its main inhabitants, and for some reason, the rest being cute anime girls with about 3 other human dudes, if you count NoName, but he’s living here now nonetheless. He was a fish out of water, sure, and he also needed to consider how he’s been affecting the lives of others, something he hasn’t thought about since he got rejected by Kae a year or two ago. After that crap happened, he’s basically been shitting his entire life away isolated from society, personally not having the courage to talk to anyone who wasn’t a human male, which stuck him with Peat and Kyosuke for social interactions, which blew chunks cause Peat was a jackass and Kyosuke was…. Well, Kyosuke was Kyosuke. The point is, Kai hasn’t spoken to a girl for at least a few months now that wasn’t from the back of a taxi car, and now the first girl he’s talked to between time gaps hates him.

Kai, in the end, just decided to vote himself as just a massive dick, and without anyone to tell him otherwise, he may as well just stick with it. This is the life he has chosen, and as a man, he must own up to the expectations society, and himself, has put for him. At least until he dies of a heart attack at 53 alone in his apartment, only being found out as dead when his landlord finds his rotted corpse cause he hasn’t paid his rent. It was a sad life, but it was Kai’s life, and he was gonna own up to it, no matter wha-

“RUUUUUUUUN!!!” Saki suddenly screamed from behind Peat as the two busted out of the forest lush and into the campsite.

“Oh hi Saki!” QP cheerily greeted, which sorta pissed off Kai by spitting in the face of his emo monologue, but whatever. “Run from what?”

“THE SNOOOOOBAAAAAAALLS!!!” Peat replied, desperately flapping his arms around in spastic fear.

“Snowballs? That’s both silly and impossible! What are snowballs doing here and why should we be-” QP instantly shut her goddamn mouth the second she saw the giant snowball monster smash through the tree coated ecosystem of the jungle outside the campsite, and into her line of sight. “..... Ooooh that’s why.”

“THIS MATCH WILL GET RED HOT” Said a random speaker that popped out from the ground from under a fake rock. “IT'S ON!!!”

***

Pinzu and Flying Castle re-entered OJHQ via the backmost wall of NoName’s office, which also contained comatosed Suguri, Hime, and the Death Ray.

“Holy crap, me = surprised. That was fast!” NoName said in surprise, getting out from behind his desk to walk over to Pinzu. Pinzu jumped out of Flying Castle’s Cannon, gave him a little salute, and Flying Castle pissed off into the night sky, no longer needed. “You level the place for that shit or-”

“Nah man, they just let me in. Check it.” Pinzu then opened up a burlap bag he had lying over his shoulder, dumping the contents onto the floor. Down rolled at least 50 plutonium rods at NoName’s feet.

“Holy = Shit.” NoName got on his knees, and picked up one of the rods. To ensure it was the right stuff, he ate half of one… “... HOLY SHIT, THIS IS THE RIGHT STUFF!!! And you got it in bulk too!!!” He then excitedly got up, nearly jumping up onto his feet in excitement. “MY MAN!!! BRING IT IN!!!” He then BRO-hugged Pinzu. Pinzu didn’t return it, cause he personally thought that shit was gay, but he didn’t slap NoName for the action. He simply allowed it.

“Alright cool.” Pinzu started as NoName continued to hug him. “Sooooo… When do we get to the sex?”

“The sex?” NoName took a moment to try and remember what he was talking about. “... OH THE SEX, OF COURSE!!! No good job is without a reward, and YOU, MY GOOD MAN, YOUR JOB = VERY GOOD!!!”

“Cool, now get the hell off me so we can get this train rolling!”

“Of co-” Suddenly, something hit NoName mentally. Something was… Different about Pinzu. “Hey, uh, Pinthu.”

“Pinzu.”

“Pinzu?”

“Yeah Pinzu.”

“Well why did you say Pinthu before?”

“I didn’t, it was my lisp that made it sound like that, retard.”

“Yeah, about that… Where did your lisp go?”

“I don’t fucking know, and I also don’t fucking care. The lisp sucked anyways, can we get to the sex already?” NoName stopped hugging Pinzu and looked him up and down. He was fully clad in his Hazmat suit from before, so he couldn’t see anything physically different about him, but he did notice something… Off.

“... Hey, uh.” NoName grabbed the zipper that should have been zipped up between his Hazmat helm and body, which was woefully unzipped. “Did you zip this before going into the power plant?”

“No. Why?” NoName took a moment to think…

“... Eeeeeeeh, it’s probably nothing. LET’S GET THIS SHIT ROLLING, SHALL WE!?”

“FUCK YEAH!!!” Without further ado, NoName grabbed five of the plutonium rods from off the floor, jammed them into the fuel receiver on the ray, and aimed the baby at Suguri and Hime. The beam split to aim at them both individually, and quickly healed them of their once crippling wounds. Before the thing overhealed them to the point of being covered in fatty tumors, however, NoName twisted a small knob on the control panel, halving the healing process so that sexual hormones could be placed into their bodies. Once NoName had filled them with roughly an hour’s worth of hormones, he shut the beam off, and let science do the rest.

***

Suguri and Hime woke up mere seconds after the beam shut off. Since they were a bit weak from just being healed, NoName tapped a little button from behind his desk, releasing the two from any restraints that may have been keeping them down, such as life support and metal bracings, cause of course he had a button for that, why wouldn’t he?

“OOoooooof.” Suguri moaned, sitting up from her bed, vision blurry from the sudden revival. “I feel like shit.”

“Uuurg.” Hime moaned in agreement, also sitting up. “What… What happened?”

“Hime? You there, I can’t really see at the moment.”

“Yes, Suguri, I am here. Do you remember what happened to bring us… Wherever we are now?”

“Last I remember we-” Suddenly, without warning, a sudden flash of heat began to well up in Suguri’s body. “... Hime, uh… Last I… Uh…”

“Suguri.” Hime began, sounding worried. “Is it just me or is it a little warm in here?”

“I was just about to say, yeah, it’s a little.” Suddenly, another wave of heat welled up in Suguri’s body. “G-G-GAH!... Jeez, um, Hime, would you mind if I took something off? This heat is crazy.”

“I was about to ask the same thing, in all honesty. Do not get the wrong idea! It’s simply,” Hime took several deep breaths, reaching to remove her weaponized necklace so she could get being to take off her complex outfit. “It’s simply ludicrously hot.”

The two began stripping off their clothing, slowly at first, but as the heat in their bodies rose higher and higher, the speed at which they stripped down grew faster and faster, to the point of which they were almost ripping it off. Suguri was the first to get down to plain undies, and as soon as she did, she rolled off her bed, and onto the floor on hands and knees, panting and wheezing desperately as the heat swelled around inside her.

“JESUS CHRIST, HIME, WHAT TEMPERATURE IS IT!?” Suguri screamed, trying not to collapse onto the floor.

“It’s…” Hime stammered, finally getting her outfit off, down to her lacy black underwear. “It… My internal thermometer says it’s only 73 degrees!!!”

“WHAT!? HOW CAN IT-” Suguri ceased up for a moment, another wave of heat hitting her body. “G-g-g… Hime, Hime how can it be so hot at 73 degrees? For us, we’re… We’re almost immune to this sort of thing, we…” She paused for a moment, but Hime didn’t respond. “Hime?... Hime!?” Suguri, in fear of her friends fate, found the strength to get onto just her knees, and climb up halfway onto the bed to see Hime. “Hime, are you oka-”

“Suguri, don’t look!” It was too late. Before Suguri, one bed across from her, Hime was maturbating. Her panties were slid to the side so that she could reach two fingers into her exposed slit.

“H-H-HIME!? WH-WHAT!? WHY ARE YOU-”

“I-I-I can’t stop, Suguri! I-I-It makes the heat go away!!! YOU MUST UNDERSTAND I-I-I-”

“HIME, NO, I DON’T W-WHY ARE YO-” Another hot flash overwhelming Suguri, causing her to lose grip of the bed and slip backwards clean onto her ass, and backfirst onto the floor. She attempted to speak again, but her voice was becoming dry from what felt like a thousand degrees of heat bubbling up inside her. Her breathing intensified, sweat pouring down from her head as she tried her best to resist the now intensifying urges she was now beginning to feel.

“You can stay strong.” She muttered to herself, clenching her fists. “You can stay strong, you’ve… You’ve gone through worse, you can stay… You can stay strong.” She closed her eyes as hard as she could, clenching her teeth as the heat only worsened more and more. It felt like she was being turned inside out vagina first, skin ripping out from within her as she fought the now omnipotent need to satiate her own sexual urges.

Suguri fought against the urges as hard as humanly possible, perhaps more so, but things changed when she opened her eyes for a split moment to realize someone was now atop her.

“W-who are you?” She asked, staring at the hazmat clad man sitting on her small pelvis. “G-g-get off of me! W-WHAT DID YOU DO TO US!?” She screamed at him, assuming he was somehow behind this strange turn of events from his spiffy suit. The man said nothing in reply, he simply reached down to his hazmat pants, and unzipped the crotch region, whipping out his already erect cock.

In so many other circumstances, Suguri would have flipped this guy clean off her, kicked him in the balls for even attempting that crap, and fly out the window with Hime in her arms. However… This wasn’t usual circumstances. The pain she was feeling was to great to even attempt to fight under, and… The smell that was coming from the man’s member. She had no idea why, but the smell was strangely irresistible, like a fine grilled steak that was seasoned to perfection. As badly as she wanted it, she still fought, closing her eyes once more to avoid it’s sight and turning away to resist it’s scent.

However, before she could even notice, in a strange flash of amnesia, the cock was already inside her mouth. She could feel the man’s hand on the back of her head leaning it up to allow his cock to easily slide down into her mouth. At the moment, he was thrusting in and out of her mouth slowly on his own, but progressively, Suguri began adding to the motion, gradually bobbing her head along with pace of his hips.

In another loss of memory, Suguri and the man changed positions, the man sitting on the edge of her bed, and Suguri on her knees, taking his genitals into her mouth at her own pace. She tried her best to recapture the resistance she put up before, but now that she was in the motion, she couldn’t stop. She could feel the heat from before leaving out her mouth with every bob of her head upon this man’s member, or, at least, what felt like it. To stop would be to no longer give the heat a exit. The heat would, once again, build up within her with the incredible burning feeling she felt before. Her fear of feeling that again fueled her to keep going, even if it was less out of free will, and more out of a desperate need to survive.

Suguri very quickly realized, however, that she could feel the heat escaping out from her crothular region as well. She couldn’t look, but, she could feel what was going on. Without her even noticing, she had joined Hime’s lewd act of fingering herself as a way of fighting off the heat. She couldn’t stop now, even if she tried. The feeling of the heat escaping was too good. It was no longer about survival, it was, by all means, just about sex. The feeling of heat escaping her private areas was too good that her body moved by itself…

Her mind, she… She was losing her mind. Thinking it… It became harder to think. Like a cloud of thought disappearing and… What was happening to her? Why couldn’t she fight she….. She just prayed Hime would be safe in her absence, that whenever her mind went in the next few seconds, nothing bad would happen to her, or herself would not do any harm to her due to this wretched heat… The last of her mind was finally escaping she…. She needed more.

***

“Well holy shit.” NoName commented, recording the whole thing, watching as Suguri’s normally red eyes begin to occasionally flash and, eventually, turn permanently neon pink. “Didn’t know that’d happen after being injected with hormo-”

“Dude shut up.” Pinzu interrupted, receiving head from motherfucking Suguri. “I’m getting head from one of the biggest mascots of Orange_Juice. Don’t ruin this.”

“I gotcha I gotcha.” NoName shut up… For about 10 seconds. “So are you going to move onto Hime anytime soon or-”

“DUDE, SHUT UP.”

“I mean she’s right there masturbating alone, but fine, whatever.” this time it was only 7 seconds. “So you just gonna do head only or-”

“THAT’S IT.” Not wanting to play this song and dance, Pinzu removed Suguri’s mouth from his cocked, stomped over to NoName, put a hand on his shoulder, another under his chin, and ripped his fucking head off with unnatural strength. For some reason, beyond Pinzu’s current understanding, a flower pot apperated under NoName’s head, turning his decapitated head into some sort of potted plant… Thing, I don’t know, you explain it.

“... Not cool, asshole.” NoName scoffed.

“SHUT UP.” Pinzu then threw NoName’s head out the fucking hole Flying Castle made coming into this room. Scared for it’s well being, NoName’s body booked it out of the room, and took the nearest elevator he could find to get to the bottom floor, and begin looking for it’s head before any harm could come to it… Well that was weird, but, with nobody here to tell him how to and how not to fuck these two perfect female specimens…

Using his new found strength which was clearly entirely gifted by Roblox Sweet Breaker’s gift and nothing to do with violent power plant radiation, he picked both Suguri and Hime up by the heads and placed them down in front of his cock. Far more fueled by sexual lust at this point than Hime, Suguri elbowed Hime out of the way and took Pinzu’s entire cock into her mouth. She took it in as deeply as she could, gagging a bit as the cock hit the back of her throat. Upon finding her limit, she began bobbing back and forth upon his cock, using her right hand to keep Pinzu’s member steady as she sucked and her left to stimulate her lower regions as she did so.

“Suguri, I do apologize, but you simply must learn to SHARE!!!” From surprise, Hime football tackled Suguri out of the way, and took Pinzu’s cock into her own mouth. There was instantly a surge of relief from the heat within her as she took the hulking piece of meat into her mouth for the first time.

“GET OFF HIME, I SAW IT FIRST!!!” Before Hime could get too invested in sucking Pinzu’s Penis™, Suguri shoved her to the side and took it back into her mouth, only for Hime to do the same.

“STOP BEING SUCH A HUSSY AND LET ME HAVE IT!!!”

“WAIT YOUR FUCKING TURN, WHORE!!!”

“YOU HAD YOUR TURN, IT’S MINE NOW!!!”

“I’LL HAVE MY TURN AS LONG AS I WANT, NOW PISS OFF!!!”

“WHY DON’T YOU JUST FUCK OFF LIKE SAKI ALREADY!? PEOPLE WANT YOU HERE ABOUT AS MUCH AS WE WANTED HER AROUND!!!”

“EXCUSE ME, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY ABOUT OUR MISSING FAMILY MEMBER!?”

“The truth, now are you going to fuck off or is this going to have to get ugly? I mean, it’s already rather ugly looking at your malformed silver haired face, but, y’know, I could make it look worse if you wanted, daaaarling.” *WOOOAAAH, LOOKING COOL, JOKER!!!* +50,000

The fight between the two continued as so, eventually not even being remotely related to who got to suck Pinzu’s dick, and just tangents about family bullcrap caused by an overabundance of hormones neither of the two had any control over that Pinzu eventually just tuned out. He constantly attempted to wiggle his dick in front of the two girls to try and veer their attention away from their bickering, but everytime they just swooped in at the same time, smashed heads into each other before they could start sucking, and go right back to fighting. This inability to get these two back on track enraged Pinzu, making him so mad, he popped a boner…. A second boner… Wait a second how long has he had two dicks?... Also when were his dicks green?

Pinzu watched as the two girls fought, then one of them catching the two dicks in the side of their eyesight, and proceeding to stare at the marvels. After the other stopped responding, the other caught eye of the two dicks as well. They looked at each other, back at the dicks, back at each other, and then they both individually started sucking both, Suguri taking the left and Hime claiming the right. Finally, things were right in the world again.

Suguri continued to ingest Pinzu’s leftmost cock while Hime nibbled on the tip of his right. The feeling was truely unique, to have someone take your cock down their throat while also feeling someone delicately nibble and caress the tip of the other, thoroughly massaging the shaft in her hand. It didn’t feel at all like two different dicks being sucked, but rather, two girls sucking the same cock at the same time in different ways.

Finally, after being teased so much till now, and getting the payload of pleasure he’d been so desiring, Pinzu came into both the mouths of Suguri and Hime. Though, the cum wasn’t the normal white variant. The cum was a vibrant, glowing green with a very gelatinous makeup, and instead of the normal spurt, it seemed to just glop out in seeming gallons. The ooze soon began overflowing from the two’s mouths, and, once they could swallow no more, they released the grip they had on his members and let the green slime coat their bodies. This stuff was most likely highly hazardous, but, since the two of them were superhumans, they were probably fine. Not like either of them were arguing, in fact, they had removed their bras and begun smearing the substance all over themselves, giggling and chuckling to each other as if they were twin sisters. This erotic display caused Pinzu to become erect once again… Once again? What is this, a hentai? Dicks don’t just become erect again after cumming they… Oh who gives a shit, Pinzu has two dicks now, so may as well throw out all other biological human rules and just enjoy it.

Having at least one more load left to unleash on these two before getting bored, Pinzu grabbed both by the scruffs of their necks, and slammed them together, front to front, breasts pressing together, and, from the pressure, slime squirting from between their breasts on impact. He then shoved the two over on a nearby bed (Suguri on top and Hime bellow), got around to them from behind, and proceeded to insert both dicks into both available pussies.

“G-G-GAAAAAH!!!” Suguri yelped upon her most sensitive area being smashing into so savagely. Hime on the other hand-

“O-O-Ooooooooooh. Ffffffuck~” Yeah, she was enjoying it.

Now being inside both, Pinzu began pumping into the two, shrill shrieks of pain and pleasure from Suguri, and borderline regal moans of divine enjoyment from Hime. The two girls wrapped their arms around each other for support as their fucking continued.

“T-t-tighter, Suguri.” Hime moaned.

“W-what?” Suguri asked, tears falling off her face from the intense feelings of pleasure piercing through her body.

“Hold me TIGHTER!”

“... Wh-wh-WHAAA-” She stumbled, Pinzu taking a moment to thrust more deeply into them. “A-a-a-aaa… What do you-”

“Squeeze me.” She begged to her. “Hold me tighter, SQUEEZE ME!!! Cut the circulation off in my body!! Make me BLUE with a lack of oxygen, ASPHYXIATE MY BODY!!!” Confused, but, game, Suguri began to tighten her grip around Hime as hard as she could. Hime’s arms were already around Suguri, so Suguri could just dig clean into tightening her grip around Hime’s torso without her arms getting in the way of it.

“OOoooooh.” Hime began to moan as Suguri’s grip tightened around her. “OoooOOOOOH!!! OOOOOOOOOOOHHH!!!!! OOOOOOOH YES!! OOOH!!!!! Oooooh Suguri OOOOOOH YES!!! TIGHTER SUGURI, PLEASE!!! TIGHTER!!! OOOOOOOOOOOH~”

“I-I’m doing it as t-t-tightly as I can, I.. I can’t GAH!!!” Another hard thrust “I can’t do it any tighter, I-I-I’m sorry.”

“YOU CAN SUGURI!!! YOU CAN AND YOU MUST- PLEASE!!!”

“I… Okay.” In an attempt to satisfy Hime’s lust, Suguri attempted to channel the intense sexual heat she felt in her body into her arms. The heat was nowhere as strong as before, due to so much of it being expelled from Pinzu’s fucking, but with what there was, she gripped around Hime as tightly as she could. The gripping was no longer out of command, but rather, an act of love… An act of love… Was Suguri receiving pleasure from this now?.. She was. She started to heavily enjoy squeezing Hime. Feeling her firm body pressing so tightly against her own, breasts pressing against each other, being so close to Hime’s moaning mouth.. The way she was biting her lip as Suguri squeezed her tighter and tighter…..

“Y-yes, Suguri, this… This is good I… OOoooh, yes, Suguri, you’re doing an a- MMPH!?” Without permission or any sort of que, Suguri began forcefully kissing Hime, her grip around her intensifying tenfold as she did so. In the current situation, there was nothing Hime could do against this action, she simply had to take it until Pinzu came inside them. It wasn’t something Hime minded in the moment, if anything, she embraced the kiss. However, it was the sense of power that Suguri could do this to her no matter what she thought on the matter was, well, empowering in a way. It wasn’t something she was proud of, but the power did feel good, it was stimulating, even. She rolled her tongue around Hime’s inner mouth, tasting the sides of her cheeks, the ridges of her teeth, and of course, Hime’s slippery wet tongue that, to her satisfaction, wrapped around her tongue as well in mutual love of the moment. Suguri wanted this moment to last forever, but, alas, it had to end eventually.

After a long while of fucking the two silly, Pinzu had finally cum his last load, filling the two girls to their breaking points with his weird, green, gelatinous cum. In response, the two girls had finally cum as well, and the last of the sexual heat bothering them had finally evaporated away. The sudden absence of pain or even energy caused the two to fall asleep rather peacefully atop one another, completely relaxed.

With his mark on the Suguri Official Canon made, Pinzu dusted off his hands/hazmat gloves, put his dick back into his pants, stole an overseer card from NoName’s desk before he got back, and crushed it, summoning Flying Castle one last time. Just as fast as last time, Castle came smashing through an entirely new wall.

“HOWDY BO- wait… Where’s the boss?”

“Away, can you take me to Kiriko’s Tower? I got shit to do there.”

“..... Alright. ¯_(ツ)_/¯”

***

“FUCK.” Peat cried as the snowball monster backhanded him with it’s icy claws, launching him into a tree, and embedding him into it.

“YOU’RE OUT!” The announcer voice mocked as Peat was eliminated from combat for a bit.

“DON’T WORRY EVERYONE!” QP announced, taking out a card. “QP will defeat this foe with her HYPER MODE!!!” She then activated her card, and became HYPER QP, gaining the ability to fly, and having several Rbits begin flying around her, which are basically tiny chibi bunnies that shoot lasers, for those inept to the deep Orange_Juice lore. “Try as you might, but QP WILL DEFEND THE ONES SHE LO-” the snowball monster then breathed a gale of ice cold wind at her, freezing her solid in a massive block of ice.

“SWING AGAIN, SLUGGER!!!”

“CUDDLES VENT ANGER ON YOU!!!” Cuddles then rushed at the snowbeast, and clobbered it on the side with a surprise sucker punch. The impact left a nice crater in the side of the beast, however, this attack proved fruitless as it sunk its teeth back into its body, moved them towards the crater, and expelled them to the sides of it, trapping Cuddle’s fist in place. Out of surprised instinct, he breathed out gout of fire at the beast in an attempt to free himself. Sadly, the beast was unmeltable, as was it’s original purpose in the creative process, meaning all he did was set his own arm on fire. So the fire wouldn’t spread to the rest of his body, Cuddles, yanked as hard as he could, to the point where his fluffy right arm was completely severed from the rest of his body. Now disarmed (lol), the beast easily haymakered Cuddles, knocking him out in a single swing.

“KNOCK EM DEAD NEXT TIME, SPORT!”

The beast then simply glared at Kai, who simply backed away slowly with his hands raised. There was nothing to be done by him in this scenario. It then took a quick look over at Syura, who simply vomited again in response, most likely not even acknowledging there was a giant monster attacking anybody in her sickness induced half-slumber.

“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH?”

The monster took a quick look around for anyone else that would oppose it… Nope, seems everyone was dealt with. With everyone dealt with, the beast turned to Peat and-

“STOP BEING A BULLY!!!” Saki cried, jumping out of a bush, ripping the stupid fucking Cuphead speaker out of the ground, and tossing it at the beast. The beast simply opened its mouth and ate it… That was pointless.

“Hey… At least the annoying voice stopped.” Peat commented, crawling back up from the devastating blow he had just taken. Suddenly, the monster’s eyes flashed a bit, and, having copied the speaker’s ability, a speaker made of ice popped out of it’s head.

“WEEEEEEEEEEELL CUPHEAD AND HIS PAL MUGMAN-”

“Oh COME ON!!!!... Well, at least the song is ca-”

“-AND HIS PAL MUGMAN- AND HIS PAL MUGMAN- AND HIS PAL MUGMAN- AND HIS PAL MUGMAN- AND HIS PAL MUGMAN- AND HIS PAL MUGMAN-”

“SHUT UP!!!” Saki cried, annoyed at the looping music. She then tossed a grenade at the monster in an attempt to kill it cold blood. However, the beast merely flicked the grenade midair back at Saki, causing it to explode in her face. Being augmented, this did nothing more than knock her on her ass… Why did it feel drafty all of a sudde- no.

“.... No.” Saki muttered, feeling her chest. In the blast, her shirt… The shirt she hunted for herself, that Peat was so proud of her for getting… It was obliterated in the blast, leaving her boobies once again exposed to the world. “... It’s… It’s not fair.” She muttered again. “IT'S NOT FAIR!!!” She then very, very loudly screamed. On the verge of tears and filled with an immense, killer rage, she sprinted at the beast, and jumped clean into it’s open mouth.

To just about everyone’s surprise, least to those conscious at the moment, the monster began to gag violently upon Saki jumping into it, going as far as to put two of it’s icy claws down it’s non existent throat to attempt to barf her back out… This didn’t make sense for probably all the reasons you’re thinking right now.

While inside the monster, still brimming with rage, Saki took out a Big Bang Bell, and slapped it down on the snowy floor beneath her. All she had to do now was let the thing cook for a good amount of turns, and detonate the trap. She’d probably die in the process, but whatever, she was mad, thus doing something stupid like this made total sense… Okay, this might have been a regrettable decision…. How does Saki get out of here?

***

“Alrighty-roo, Pinhead-”

“Don’t call me Pinhead.”

“Pinzu! Is this the place?”

“Yeah just… I dunno, shoot me into the back of that giant snow pile with arms. Looks soft enough.”

“ALRIGHT!!!” Flying Castle then took aim at the snow monster. “SEE YA!!!” He then fired his cannon, launching Pinzu clean into it, flying at such a force he went clean into his stomach… Where Saki was also, for some reason.

“Oh hi weird hazmat man! My name is Saki! It’s nice to meet you!!!” Saki greeted, blue from hypothermia from being in here for at least 7 minutes before Pinzu came.

“It’s Pinzu.”

“... OOOOOOOOOH!!! OH YOU'RE IN A SUIT NOW, COOL!!! Hi Pinzu, how’ve you been?”

“Why are you inside a giant snow monster?”

“The better question is what are YOOOOOOOOU doing in a giant snow monster?” God damnit, she’s too smart for him.

“Fuck you, let’s get out of here, it’s cold.”

“OKAY!” Pinzu then grabbed Saki’s left hand with his right, and began crawling out of the monster before the hole he made entering the beast regenerated. As they crawled out, Saki grabbed a handful of snow with her right hand and tossed it onto her Big Bang Bell trap, which, since it was touched by something the monster was made of, technically meant the beast activated it. Yay low grade logic math! The two crawled out of the monster from the back of it’s weird body, and proceeded to book it before the bell summoned by Saki’s trap could eradicate both them and the monster.

The monster, finally ceasing in it’s aggressive dry heaving to get Saki out of it, began to realize there was an odd light forming from behind it. It turned around to see what was-

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
After the dust of the explosion cleared, everyone still conscious looked over to what remained of the monster. The once large, fearsome snow beast was now no more than a few clumps of scattered snow and ice… All of which began to crawl away into the depths of the jungle. It wasn’t dead, but, at least it’d most likely take a few hours before it’d be able to put itself back together.

“... Holy shit.” Kai muttered, crawling out from a shrub he was hiding in. “Holy shit, Saki you di- WHO IS THAT!?” He suddenly screamed, pointing at the hazmat clad man.

“.... Me?” Pinzu said.

“..... Oh…. Why are you-”

“Shut the fuck up, nobody cares, where’s everyone else?” Pinzu took a quick look around. Peat was limp on the ground, QP was frozen solid, that rabbit… Thing? I dunno. The large plush rabbit was missing an arm, and Syura was most likely about 10 minutes away from drowning to death in a puddle of her own vomit. “Yup, looks like you guys are entirely useless without me.”

“H-hey! My right hand was smashed, the door to the tower was locked, and a giant snowball monster atta-”

“No it’s not.” Pinzu replied, pointing at the clearly open tower door.

“Yeah it- huh?”

“Blind shit, you could have just hid in there.”

“I-I-IT WASN”T OPEN BEFO-”

“I don’t actually care that much. I’m going in, bye.” Pinzu then grabbed Saki’s arm and began dragging her into the tower to investigate the inside. Kai attempted to tell Pinzu most of the team couldn’t follow him due to either being knocked out or crippled, but he simply ignored him. Thankfully, spite missing an arm, Cuddles had begun the process of shoving frozen QP towards the tower door, Sick Syura dangling over his good shoulder. This meant all Kai needed to do was get Peat into the tower, and since he was well enough to stand up, all he needed to do was lend Peat a shoulder so he could keep his balance.

“Thanks, kid.” Peat muttered, putting an arm over Kai’s right shoulder.”

“No problem, Peat. Happy to-”

“Don’t think this means I’m gonna forget what you did earlier today.”

“.... Huh?” Peat said nothing in response, he just kept walking alongside Kai… Whatever, we’ll just cross this road when we get to it.

***

At long last, after this nightmare of a day, everyone (except QP cause her iceblock couldn’t fit through the front door, so she’s just gonna have to wait this one out. Thankfully, she’s in a giant ice block, so it’s doubtful anything is going to be able to hurt her while Pinzu and friends deal with this shit.) was inside of Kiriko’s Tower… This is the part where there would be a description of the area, but seeing how all the lights were off in the room, there was nothing to describe… Also the exit just shut by itself, so there wasn’t even a lightsource from the sunset outside.

The group was submerged in complete darkness, until, all the lights of the room flashed on in a single, bright flash, blinding damn near everyone in the room for a few seconds. Once everyone’s eyes had adjusted to the newly present lights, the owner of the tower had made her appearance, sitting pretty in the middle of the round, white room, looking akin to that of a medical waiting room. She simply sat in the middle of the room on a basic wooden stool, left leg over her right, a grotesque looking purple apple in her right hand.

“So?” Kiriko asked, taking a bite from her apple, revealing it’s disturbing, pulsating blue contents. “What would you little maniacs like to do first?”

*Song lyrics of "Weird Science" by 'Oingo Boingo' and the theme of 'Cuphead' by Studio MDHR were referenced in this chapter.
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Pinzu vs The Pussy (A 100% Orange Juice Adventure)