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Blood Bond	By : Hikari86 Category: +A through F > Dragon Age (all) > Dragon Age (all) Views: 4278 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
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Chapter List
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The Gauntlet: Arawin

Arawin stood, staring at the Vhenadahl towering before her. It’s branches reaching high above all the buildings around it. Green leaves dangled from them, shading the street below. Arawin felt under her feet the loose stone of the pavement, smelled rotting garbage and the lingering odor of wet dog, heard the buzz of flies and even the wind as it made it’s way through the buildings. She was home, finally home back in the alienage.
She breathed in deep as she turned from the Vhenadahl and took a look around. Even though it was the alienage, it didn’t feel like home. There was nobody on the streets, and it was too quiet. She knew of course that it really wasn’t the alienage. She remembered walking through the doors with Zelda and their friends, going into darkness that was the Gauntlet. Going in together, but coming here alone.
“So we’re suppose to do this alone, huh?” she said out loud. “I guess it makes sense. How else am I suppose to find myself with someone else?”
It is through your own heart you must find the truth. Just as Andraste, you must go into the darkest corners of your heart in order to find the path.
“Okay creepy voice,” Arawin said looking into the sky. “I get it.” The voice was all around her, bodiless, near but distance. It was ageless with no gender, sad but also happy, angry but also joyful. Arawin didn’t like it and she didn’t like what it was telling her. There was a reason she never opened up her heart or never let out the darkness.
“It’s for the best.” A human woman stood before her, young and pleasant. She was see-through and mist-like and smiled at Arawin who looked at her as if she were crazy. “You never know, you might feel differently at the end.” Her name was Ealisay and she was a childhood friend to Andraste.
“What is it that I need to do?” Arawin asked crossing her arms. “I would like to get through this as fast as possible.”
“You will go as fast as you want to go, but to begin, all you need to do is answer this: The smallest lark could carry it, while a strong man might not. Of what do I speak?”
Arawin snorted. “Riddles, of course.”
“Is that your answer?”
“No, my answer is a tune.”
The spirit smiled at her again. “Yes. I was Andraste’s dearest friend in childhood, and always we would sing. She celebrated the beauty of life, and all who heard Her would be filled with joy. They say the Maker Himself was moved by Andraste’s song, and then She sang no more of simple things. Nor will you.”
Arawin watched as she dissolved in front of her, drifting off and leaving her alone again. Arawin didn’t mind, of course, she liked being alone in a place that she was comfortable in. Even if it wasn’t her real home, it was good enough for now.
“You’re not taking this very seriously, are you?” Arawin turned back to the Vhenadahl and looked up in it’s lower branches to find Shianni sitting and staring down at her. “Course you never did take anything seriously, did you?” Shianni leaped down. “Hey.”
“Hey back.”
“It’s good to see you.”
“It’s good to see you too, but it’s not really you, is it?”
“I’m as real as you want me to be, but I’m wondering about you. Is it really you? You’re different, and not just from the way you're dressed or the tattoo on your eye. Life out there’s been good to you, hasn’t it? You’re respected, even among humans. Do you remember us, where you came from, and what some of us still face every day?”
“Of course I do,” Arawin said unfolding her arms. “How could I not?”
“Because once you leave home and are gone for so long, no matter how hard you try, you can never really come back the same. Things change, people change.”
Arawin sighed. “I hope you’re not hear to tell me that. It’s obvious, isn’t it? I’ve changed, you’ve more than likely changed as well.”
“You’re right, I have,” Shianni nodded. “But I’ve also come to talk about... what happened, before you left.”
“Shianni, don’t...”
“No, you need to hear this. It’s been eating at you, I know it has. That’s just how you are. You need to know that it wasn’t really your fault. You were caught in the situation, just like the rest of us. There was nothing you could've done that would have changed what happened to me.”
“No, you’re wrong!” Arawin yelled. “There were many things I could've done! I could've fought harder! I could've ran faster! I could've forced them to take me instead of you! I could've... I could've...”
“You couldn’t have done anything differently,” Shianni said calmly. “You did what you always do, you ran to my rescue, but you can’t save me every time, Arawin. You knew eventually this was going to happen.”
Arawin shook her head. “You can’t really expect me to believe that, can you?”
“I can see you’re stubbornness hasn’t changed, but you know it’s true, Arawin.”
“I... Maybe.” A single tear ran down her check as she tried to hide it. “But... how are you?”
“I’m just as you were told. Fine. You know I’m strong, Arawin. But to put your mind at ease, you do not need to fear what you heard about Zathrian’s children. I’m not pregnant, and I’m not going to kill myself, whether I was or not. What happened was awful to me, but it’s something I’m able to get over and go on with my life. But you don’t seem to be getting over it at all.”
“You know why. It happened to you, not me. I’m the one that’s suppose to be protecting you. I was the one that always took the blows and the bruises.”
“Not anymore, Arawin,” Shianni said softly. “You can’t protect me forever. Eventually you know I’ll need to learn to defend myself. I’m sorry it just had to happen this way.”
“I’m the one that should be sorry.”
“And you are, but please, get past this. You have a great task to complete. Know that I’m all right and that I’ll be waiting for you here, right where you left me.”
Arawin straightened and blinked away the mist from her eyes. Even if this wasn’t the real Shianni, it very much felt like her, and Arawin believed what she was saying. It’s what she needed to hear. “Thank you, Shianni. It just might take awhile.”
“Then maybe you should get rid of that ring,” Shianni said grabbing her left hand. Arawin didn’t even notice that she had been spinning it.
“I don’t know. This ring isn’t just for you...”
“But you don’t love Nelaros, you love someone else.”
Arawin stared at Shianni, her heart skipping a beat. “I don’t...”
“Don’t try and hide it,” Shianni teased. “But if you need to, then keep the ring, although I still think you should rid yourself of it’s burden. You need no more on your heart.”
Arawin took her hand from Shianni’s but noticed that there was something in it. She stared and saw a flat rock in the palm of her hand. It was diamond shaped, light red and warm to the touch, nearly burning in some places. “What’s this?”
“It’s something I know will match your fiery nature. Use it well, Cousin. I know you will.”
Arawin wrapped her fingers around the stone despite the heat. “I will.”
“As you always do. Good luck, and farewell until we meet again.”
Shianni stepped away and disappeared into the shadows of the Vhenadahl. Arawin sighed slowly, feeling better than she had before, but the ring still burned on her finger.
***
Arawin looked at the stone again before placing it in her pouch. She then took a look around the alienage and saw that nothing much had changed. It was still day and there was still no one else around. She decided to take a walk, see if she could find anyone.
At first she stepped towards her own house. It was natural and only around the corner, but she stopped after one stride. She didn’t want to go there, not yet at least, if at all. There was a feeling coming from that direction, dark and angry. Arawin didn’t like it, and quickly turned around. Instead, she started walking to the other side of the alienage and headed for her cousin’s house. She was sure no one was there, as Shianni had disappeared, but she thought it better to go there than her own home. When she reached it and opened the door, she found herself to be wrong.
A man stood within the house, a mage, wearing archon robes and a cowl. He smiled at her when she stared at him surprised. “This is not your home,” he said.
“It’s good enough,” Arawin huffed. This, somehow she knew, was Archon Hessarian, the ruler of Tevinter and the one who sentenced Andraste to her death.
“Perhaps.”
“Just do whatever it is that you're here for.”
“All you need to do is answer my riddle: She wields the broken sword, and separates true kings from tyrants. Of what do I speak?”
“More riddles,” Arawin sighed rolling her eyes. “I’m not exactly sure what it has to do with me, but my answer is mercy.”
“Yes. I could not bear the sight of Andraste’s suffering, and mercy bade me end Her life. I am the penitent sinner, who shows compassion as he hopes compassion will be shown to him, and not just to others, but also to oneself.” Arawin watched him disappear just as Shianni and Ealisay had. After several moments, she then closed the door to the house and strolled back to the Vhenadahl. Once she was there, she saw someone standing underneath the tree, leaning against the trunk.
“You’re not another spirit here to ask me more riddles, are you?” Arawin asked standing just at the edge of the shade. The person stared up at her slowly then walked out from the shade of the tree and into the sunlight. Arawin gasped when she saw who it was.
It was her, but different. She looked older, wiser, more experienced. She still wore the same Dalish armor with Fang and Dar’Misaan on her back with Far Song in the middle. Her red hair was longer and darker, tied back. Her face seemed sharper and the tattoo had expanded, going up to her forehead in a pattern that was similar to Lisha’s. Arawin knew she was looking at a true Dalish hunter, one that was both respected and feared.
“Are you me in the future?” Arawin asked amazed.
“I could be,” said the spirit. “Or I could not be. That’s all up to you. I only look like this because it’s what you want me to look like.”
“I guess that's true,” said Arawin. “My dream is to be a Dalish hunter one day. To go back and complete the training I started with Lisha. To have her finish the tattoo after I finish with my hunting test blindfolded.”
“That sounds like a good dream, but are you sure it’s what you really want? It doesn’t look like it to me.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Look where we are. We’re only in the alienage because it’s the place you long for, otherwise I’m sure we would be in the Dalish camp, but we’re not. This is where you are most comfortable, but unfortunately you are confused. You want both, but you can’t have both. It’s impossible to stay in the past while also going forward into the future.”
“You really expect me to believe that?”
“But you already do, otherwise I wouldn’t know.”
Arawin crossed her arms and looked away but no matter how hard she tried to deny it, she knew her spirit self was right. It was something she hadn’t really thought of before, but apparently it was something she had been battling with in her heart. She wanted to become Dalish but she also didn’t want to leave her family behind, even though that had already happened. She had left them to become a Grey Warden.
“So what are you really here for?” Arawin said looking back at herself. “Are you here to tell me I have to choose?”
“Well you are going to have to choose, yes, but you don’t need me to tell you that. I’m here because you need to move on through this place, and right now you’re not doing so well.”
“I didn’t realize I was being tested. I answered the riddles correctly, didn’t I? What else do I have to do?”
“You need to fight me.”
“Really? I think I can handle that.” Arawin grabbed Fang and Dar’Misaan and readied herself.
“Are you sure?” said her spirit self, also grabbing her Fang and Dar’Misaan. “After all, you made me how I am.”
“If that’s the case, then this should be simple.” Arawin ran for her, striking with Fang but being immediately blocked. The spirit darted to the left and swung Dar’Misaan, hitting Arawin in the calf with the flat side of the sword. It caused Arawin’s knees to buckle and she fell forward, but catching herself, she rolled to her feet and renewed her attack. Fighting the spirit was completely different than what she had ever fought before. It was like the spirit knew what she was going to do next, and even knew her weak points. Arawin’s anger was beginning to boiling as she tried to catch the spirit off guard, but found herself nearly constantly on the defense.
“You’re getting sloppy,” said her spirit self as she blocked another blow. “Do you realize that when you get angry you don’t get better, you get worse?”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“Plenty. You’re not focused and it shows.” The spirit dodged another swing from both of Arawin’s swords and pulled up her own. She curved Fang up, hitting Arawin in the chin, then slashed Dar’Misaan across her abdomen, cutting her exposed skin. Arawin cringed and backed away, tasting blood in her mouth. She felt her stomach and saw the blood upon her hand. She stared at it stunned, unsure how to react.
“Why are you so angry?” her spirit self asked. “Why do you always look for the strongest opponent, and then go towards him at full force? Are you trying to hurt yourself? Or are you trying to prove something to your friends? Maybe it’s you’re trying to prove something to yourself.”
“Why don’t you just shut up and fight!” Arawin yelled. She charged at the spirit, swinging and jabbing, but only hitting air as the spirit dodged every attack. Arawin felt the heat rise to her skin. She did not understand why she couldn’t at least hit the spirit. Her frustration grew, and the questions the spirit was asking were not helping.
“Which one is it, Arawin?”
“What’s it matter?” Arawin screamed. She continued her assault. The two danced around the alienage which seemed to provide a perfect area for their play. “I’m not here to answer your questions.”
“They’re our questions, and I’m only trying to get to the bottom of your anger. You’re so cold, Arawin, but it burns as well, doesn’t it? It still tortures you.”
Arawin stopped, breathing heavily with fresh cuts and bruises covering her body. She stared up at the spirit which was no more exhausted than when they began. “Fine, if you really need to know, then I guess I’m trying to prove something to myself.”
“What are you trying to prove?”
Arawin growled. “This is really annoying!”
“What are you trying to prove, Arawin?”
Arawin calmed down a little, but she could already feel the fire beginning to burn in her heart. She felt the urge to kill the spirit, even if it was suppose to be her.
“Arawin?”
“That I can be the best!” she blurted. “That I can be better than what I am. To make up for what I lack.”
“Why?”
“Why?” Arawin said gritting her teeth. “Why? Because I can’t let what happened happen again!”
“So you still haven’t let go, huh? It still burns within you. Do you hate yourself for it?”
“Yes!”
“Why?”
“BECAUSE YOU LET HER DIE!” Arawin lunged forward, ready to plunge her swords into the spirit’s heart. She screamed with a furious rage that echoed in every corner. Her heart burning and beating with force. Her spirit self, however, was ready and moved to the side taking Dar’Misaan and sweeping it across Arawin’s front. The blade cut back into her flesh, going across her chest and down her belly to her thigh. Arawin fell face first into the stones of the street and tumbled a few feet before stopping.
“So we've finally come to the darkest part of your heart, then,” said the spirit. “The root of your anger.”
Arawin sat up and positioned herself on her knees. Blood trickled down into her eyes and she spat onto the ground bloody froth. “Don’t make me go there.”
“How else are you going to learn to let go?” Her spirit self walked in front of her. “Look at yourself. You’re all bruised and bloody. Give yourself mercy, Arawin. I wouldn’t have been able to hurt you like so unless you wanted me to.”
“Just go away,” Arawin said softly, not looking up at the spirit.
“It’s for the best.” The spirit then turned to mist and drifted away. Arawin continued to stare at the ground.
“I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy. I can’t give myself mercy, because I don’t deserve it.”
***
Rain began to fall, soaking Arawin’s skin and hiding the few tears that were able to escape from her eyes. Thunder sounded in the distance and the rain fell harder upon her back. Fang and Dar’Misaan laid uselessly on the ground beside her, her arms limp and her head low. She could feel it coming. She could feel the darkness seeping, and she did not want to go in.
Gentle hands fell upon her shoulders but Arawin did not stir. “It is all right, child,” said the new spirit. “You must go on.”
Arawin slowly looked up at the spirit to see it was another human woman; Brona, mother of Andraste. She looked down at her and smiled, the rain not soaking her hair.
“I don’t have to do anything,” Arawin said. “And I don’t have to answer your riddle.” She turned back to the ground, wet hair clinging to her face and shivering from the cold.
“Do not punish yourself,” the spirit said squeezing her shoulders. “She waits for you.” Silence before the spirit continued on. “Echoes from a shadow realm, whispers of things yet to come. Thought’s strange sister dwells in night, is swept away by dawning light. Of what do I speak?”
Steam streamed from Arawin’s mouth as the cold spread. “I’m not answering.”
“Arawin.”
“Why are you doing this to me?”
“Of what do I speak?”
Arawin stood and glared at the spirit. “Fine! Dreams! You speak of dreams!”
The spirit continued to smile, not wavered by Arawin’s fiery gaze. “A dream came upon me, as my daughter slumbered beneath my heart. It told of her life, and of her betrayal and death. I am sorrow and regret. I am a mother weeping bitter tears for a daughter she could not save. Nor a mother who could give the life I know she deserved.”
“Go away! Leave me alone!” Arawin screamed. And the spirit did.
For awhile Arawin stood in the rain allowing it to wash over her. It washed away the blood and stung her cuts. She closed her eyes and soon something began to reach her ears. It was singing, a song that was soft and one that she knew from childhood. A lullaby she hadn’t heard in years sung in a voice that made her stiffen. It was already happening and there was nothing she could do about it now.
She glanced in the direction of her house where the singing was coming from. In slow steps she made her way towards it, anxiety building in her stomach. Fear began to replace anger as she was afraid of what she would find in the house. She stepped up to the door to find it already open, the singing, now a soft hum, floating on the air. Peering inside, Arawin saw what she both feared but also hoped to see.
The house looked as it always did; the table in the middle with the stove and her father’s bed in the corners. Sitting at the table was a woman with bright red hair, in a worn brown dress with another one of white in her lap as she threaded a needle through. Arawin stopped in the doorway, fighting herself as the urge to both run away or fling herself in the room battled each other.
“You can come in, sweetheart,” said the woman. “You know nothing bad will happen to you.” She stopped her sewing and stared up at Arawin with bright green eyes. She stood, placing the white dress on the table and smiled at Arawin a smile she knew all too well. It sent a spark through her heart and Arawin felt small and weak. She ran into the room and fell to her knees, clinging tight to the woman’s legs.
“Mamae...”
“My dear Ara,” Adaia said gently stroking Arawin’s hair. “I am glad to see you well.”
“Mamae,” Arawin whispered.
Adaia bent down and forced her daughter to stand straight. She wiped away tears that were falling down Arawin’s face and sweetly stroked her arm. “Arawin, why are you so cold?”
“It’s raining.”
“It’s raining because you made it rain. Why are you torturing yourself?”
“Why?” Arawin said choked, trying to control her tears. “Because I lost you. I let you die.”
“No, sweetheart,” Adaia cooed. “There was nothing you could've done. You were only ten years old. Have you been carrying this burden for the last eight years?”
“I could've done something.”
“No, you couldn’t.”
“But I know if I only tried harder then you wouldn’t be dead, and Father and I wouldn’t be alone.”
“Do you even remember what happened?”
Arawin stared at her mother. She hadn’t forgotten, or at least the part when her mother died and then afterwards, but before all that, what made her mother die was a blank. She shook her head.
“A noble by the name of Dean and his friends snuck into the alienage and took you along with Shianni and a few other young girls. He had a thing for little elven girls and most of the time they would never return. When I saw him take you I tried to stop him at first, but I was knocked unconscious by one of his friends. When I awoke I was determined to get you back no matter what. I could not stand the thought of either you or Shianni getting hurt as I had already promised my sister before she died that I would watch over Shianni and Soris. I asked around for others to help me, but not even the mothers of the other little girls would help. They just cried and mourned for their lost children. So I decided to go alone. Your father didn’t even try to stop me as he knew how much you meant to me. It took us so long just to have you, I was not going to lose you in such a horrible way.
“I grabbed Fang and going through the back alleys, I snuck into his house. I found I was already too late for one little girl. She was being toyed with by Dean and his sick friends. Luckily you and Shianni, however had not been touched. You both were just frightened, holding each other in a corner of the room you were locked in. I was able to pick the lock and usher everyone out, but unfortunately we were caught. Dean had come back, ready for his next toy, and when he saw me, he and his friends charged. I fought them, wanting to kill and make sure you were safe. He went after you, knowing that you were my weakness, and that if he threatened to hurt you I would surrender.
“I did the best I could, fighting them and trying to keep the two of you safe. The other girls had already ran out of the house, but you two stayed, even though I told you to run. It wasn’t until one of the nobles abandoned fighting me and went after you that I let my guard down and Dean was able to stab his blade into my side. The tip broke off as I pushed him away, slicing Fang across his face. I scooped you two up and ran as fast as I could through the alleys and back into the alienage where I stopped and fell into the street. I was bleeding severely, and could feel my time coming. I remember looking at you, and seeing the fear in your eyes. Do you remember it was raining even then? Do you remember what I said to you?”
“Yes,” Arawin nodded. “I wrote it down.”
“‘My dear Ara, I am sorry I did this to you. I wish I could be there to see you grow. To see you through your triumphs. I know you are meant for great things. Just know that I love you and if you ever need guidance, look to the sky and listen for the song. It will lead you to what ever you seek.’ That is what I said, and it still rings true now. Have you forgotten?”
“No, I still look to the sky,” said Arawin. “But I don’t know if I’m hearing the song. But maybe I don’t want to hear it. You shouldn't've died, Mamae, you shouldn't've.”
“Arawin, I want you to know something,” Adaia said looking into her daughter’s eyes stern. “I would never take back what happened. I would gladly die a hundred more times just to make sure you were safe. Do not doubt that and do not regret it. I don’t.”
“But Mamae...”
“You are cold, Arawin. Warm your heart, and let go of the past. You have a hard time doing that and it is that which drives your rage. You need to be more cautious, otherwise you won’t live past this Blight. There is much at stake, Arawin, and not just your life, but the life of others as well.”
Arawin lowered her gaze, ashamed of everything. Adaia lifted her face back up by her chin.
“I love you, Arawin, you know I do. You are my daughter and I am very proud of you with the achievements you have already gained. Becoming a Grey Warden, finding a Dalish clan and being made part of it, and even though you left the alienage, you have not forgotten about your family who are still waiting for you to return. You can’t live in the past anymore, so let it go and embrace the future.”
“Will I ever see you again,” Arawin asked through a stream of tears that finally broke through.
“No, but I will always be in your heart, where you know I’ve been the whole time. I never really left you.”
Arawin bit her lower lip and nodded at her mother. “I don’t know if I can do it right away, but I will.”
“Starting is only the beginning, sweetheart. It is enough. You truly are meant for great things, all you need to do is believe in yourself.”
Adaia stroked her check and Arawin fell into her hand. It was a mother’s touch and one Arawin had longed to feel in years. It was good to finally feel it again, and she knew she would never forget the sensation.
“When you get to the Ashes, make sure both you and Zelda take a pinch, because you never know the future, and you never know when you’ll need to be the calm one.” Arawin nodded. “Good-bye, sweetheart. You are still my little sparrow, and know that I love you more than anything.”
“Dareth shiral, Mamae. I love you, too.”
Her mother’s hand soon drifted away and Arawin found herself alone in her house, the white dress gone from the table as well. Tears streamed down her face but she found she was not sad from her mother leaving for a second time, but instead she felt renewed, happy even. But it would still be some time before she could truly let go, as her heart had become hard and only time can wash away a mountain.

Paraphrasing from Dragon Age: Origins
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Blood Bond