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Shepard Finds Her Soul Mate	By : KTT2123 Category: +M through R > Mass Effect Views: 5865 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
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Chapter List
- 5
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“You have a message, Commander.” Shepard looks at Yeoman Chambers. “Okay, I’ll read it in my quarters.” Sitting down her desk, she opens the message. She sighs wearily when she sees it is from Kaidan. *What could that man possibly have to say to me now?* she thinks as she silently reads the message. In disbelief, she scans it again.
Shepard,
I’m sorry for what I said back on Horizon. The last two years have been hard for me. I spent two years pulling myself back together after you went down with the Normandy. Why didn’t you contact me? How could you let me grieve all this time over someone who wasn’t dead? It took me a long time to get over my guilt for surviving and move on. I’d finally let my friends talk me into going out for drinks with a doctor on the Citadel. Nothing serious, but trying to let myself have a life again, you know?
Then I saw you, and everything pulled hard to port. You were standing in front of me, but you were with Cerberus. I guess I really don’t know who either of us is anymore. Do you even remember that night before Ilos? That night meant everything to me…maybe it meant as much to you. But a lot has changed in the last two years and I can’t just put that aside.
But please be careful. I’ve watched too many people close to me die—on Eden Prime, on Virmire, on Horizon, on the Normandy. I couldn’t bear if I lost you again. If you are still the woman I remember, I know you’ll find a way to stop these Collector attacks. But Cerberus is too dangerous to be trusted. Watch yourself.
When things settle down a little…maybe…we could...try again? Reconnect? Just…be careful.
--Kaidan
*Why the fuck is he telling me he went out with on a date? The nerve of that man! As if a brief, insincere message would suddenly make everything okay! After what he SAID to me? Giving me a half-assed apology while still blaming ME?   He thinks that is all that’s necessary, all that I need? All I deserve?! That I will fall at his fucking feet because he sort of apologizes even while still blaming me for absolutely everything? That I’d give him another chance, just like that? He never gave me a chance to explain, never once! And he still doesn’t really care what I have to say? Even if he doesn’t believe me, I WAS DEAD! How many times do I have to say it? D E A D! If he would have listened to me, believed me on Horizon, he would know that. Or maybe he did hear me but refuses to believe me. He chooses instead to believe I lied, deliberately, to not only him but to everyone. Evidently, being dead for two years doesn’t excuse me for not ‘keeping in touch’ with him. Death’s not a good enough reason.
How was I supposed to contact him? I tried to after I woke up, even asked Anderson but he wouldn’t give any information. I had no way to contact him. What was I supposed to do? I tried to tell him that on Horizon but he refused to listen. The fucker just assumed, never once gave me the benefit of the doubt. He didn’t and doesn’t trust me, that is worse than anything else. How can I trust him, if he doesn’t trust me? I always thought Kaidan was honorable to the core, caring and empathetic…I guess I was wrong.
He’s arrogant and judgmental. He thinks only of himself. Did he once think about me…about how I feel? He’s seen too many people die? I fucking died! He had two fucking years to deal and he had people to support him…his friends, family. For me it has been mere weeks…and I’m the one that died. I woke up and I had nothing, no one, surrounded by people I didn’t know or trust! My family is dead, my friends are gone, and I have no one but Garrus, Joker, and Chakwas from my past lifetime. And I have had no fucking time to grieve or adjust. Fuck you, Kaidan! It’s going to take a hell of a lot more than a hollow message to gain my forgiveness, you asshole!*
LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV
Garrus is in the battery, calibrating the guns, when he hears the door open. He unconsciously tenses, wondering if Shepard has finally come to see him. Days have passed since the ‘incident,’ as he refers to it; he and Shepard have rarely seen or spoken to each other. Without discussion, they both seemingly choose to give each other space to figure things out. To consider what happened….what they felt…what they wanted to do about their feelings…what they were willing to do, to risk. To just think and absorb the monumental impact of what happened between them. Both know if they take the next step, it won’t be a fling. They are too important to each other for that to ever work.
Garrus isn’t ready to talk about what happened. Everything has happened too fast for him. He’s not the type to just jump into things, into relationships, especially one that could either make him the happiest man alive or crush his very spirit. Vakarian knows what he decides to do will change his life forever. Being with Shepard has always been his secret fantasy, an impossible one at that. He has never truly believed he ever had an actual chance to be with her, that she would ever want him.
Lily is stunning, not just to humans or to him but to pretty much everyone. Garrus doesn’t know what she could possibly see in him, he’s just a scarred alien. He’s as biologically different from her as you can get. Turians are all hard planes and rigidity, while humans are a mixture of softness and strength. As far as he knows, turians aren’t a species that humans typically (or ever) find attractive. Quarians yes, even asari but not humans. Garrus has never encountered or even heard of a turian and a human being in a relationship. Whether that is because of their species’ contentious past or simply a lack of attraction, he doesn’t know. And it is not merely Lily’s appearance that is tripping him up. She is simply amazing. Shepard is powerful, smart, loyal, strong, sexy, and no one in this universe can compare to her, no one. People are drawn to her. There is just something about her.
Why she would choose him when she could have practically anyone is baffling to him. Garrus knows he is nothing special, even within his own species he is not particularly respected or extraordinary. If nothing else, his species views him with superior disdain for his rebellious nature. Vakarian can’t wrap his mind around what happened because Shepard apparently chose him. She had a chance to reject him and she didn’t. Garrus has not decided what to do about it, what he wants to do about it. He wonders if he is even brave enough to try anything with Lily. He knows the risks. He could lose his best friend, the person he trusts more than anyone, and get his heart broken all in one swoop.
“Hello Garrus,” Lily said tentatively. “Have you got a minute to talk?”
Garrus sighs, dreading what is to come… “Of course, Commander.” He doesn’t know what to say to her.
It is obvious to Shepard, that he thinks she has come to talk to him about what happened that morning. But she isn’t any more ready to discuss it than he is. “I received a message from Kaidan.”
The turian jerks in surprise, “What?” His mind racing…*What did Kaidan say? Has Shepard forgiven him? Is she getting back together with him? What about me? What about what happened between us.* His jealousy easily cuts through his uncertainty, a rival compels him to want Lily to only want him.
Easily reading Garrus’ reaction, she promptly asks “Would you like to read it?”
Taken aback that she would ask, he nods. After reading the message, twice, Garrus gapes at Shepard in disbelief. “Really? That’s what he wrote? That’s the best he can do? Spirits, I always thought Kaidan was smarter than that.” Vakarian considers Shepard, then tentatively asks, “You’re not buying this are you?”
The Commander laughs bitterly, “Hell no! You should have heard my reaction when I first read it. If I remember correctly I called him an asshole and told him to go fuck himself. If he had been in front of me, he would have been a splat on the wall I was so outraged.”
Garrus takes perverse pleasure at hearing that, not only that Lily isn’t swayed by Kaidan and that she is still royally pissed. *Doesn’t look like I will have to worry about any competition from Kaidan anytime soon…* He reasons smugly. “Are you going to reply?”
Lily glances at Garrus, “I don’t know. Right now, berating him is about the only thing I have to say to him. His note only makes me furious. Do you think I should?” Shepard asks, eying Garrus, very much wanting his opinion.
“Well, as much as I’d love you to send him a hate-filled message, it is probably not the best idea. It’s inevitable that at some point you will see him again, maybe even have to work together. At some point the Alliance and the Council will come begging you to save their asses. If you do decide to reply, maybe you should carefully consider what to write,” Garrus replies.
The Commander contemplates that before nodding.
To try to lighten the mood, Garrus jokes, “Remember, I did tell you that Kaidan really doesn’t know anything about you. That’s one for Vakarian, Shepard zero!”
Laughing at his glee at being right, Shepard just shakes her head. Then, she thinks about when he had said that…which leads to thinking about waking up to find she had slept curled against him, their conversation, and ‘the plan’ and how that had worked out. Lost in her thoughts, she slowly mumbles “I remember.” Garrus’ eyes widened, as he, too, thinks about what has happened recently. Neither one speaking, Shepard eventually leaves the battery, waving vaguely at Garrus. The two have finally stopped hiding from it and are starting to think genuinely about had happened between them…
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Shepard Finds Her Soul Mate