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Vhenan'ara	By : Arcanis_Born Category: +A through F > Dragon Age (all) > Dragon Age (all) Views: 6576 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I don't own Dragon Age, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from this.

Chapter List
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Dragon Age: Origins is owned by Bioware, as with all its characters, the story as it deviates from canon is mine, however, as with the personalities of characters as they deviate from those in the game.
Please do tell me what you think so far of the story! I would love to know your opinions!
Thank you all so much for your continued readership! It means so much!
Translations:
Mierda: Antivan. "Shit." A common swear word.
Mi amiga: Antivan. "My friend."

Human.
A human child.
Despite what she had claimed the night before, the thought of the child she carried being human still refused to let Riel be. It was the last thought that tormented her as sleep finally claimed her, and the first that came to her mind in the morning. And in between her dreams haunting her, repeatedly bringing to her mind all the humans that she had known in her life. And not just their faces, but what they had done to her.
Paid to do to her.
A prize to be won over card games, or bartered for drinking money. Not just any elf, but a child elf. A young girl to have to her innocence stolen again and again by grown human men, looking for a novelty. Her silver eyes adding to the allure. Her scars only a mild deterrent to their perverted lusts. Kept on her back, they were hardly visible. Only the one on her face acting to tarnish her in the eyes of those who bought her.
Something which lowered her value, Riel often heard. Instead of golden sovereigns, she could only gain mere silvers for her masters. And as she aged, more of her value disappeared. Another fact that she was reminded of often by the men who had owned her.
Human men.
For all the elven bandits and cutthroats that Riel had met and killed over these past few months, it was always the human males that gave her the most satisfaction in killing. Their gasps of surprise while the light in their eyes slowly faded… Each death returning a small sliver of the innocent girl that she never was. Never could have been.
True, there were many good and noble human men in the world. Many who had even helped and offered kindness and respect to her. However, Riel had to wonder how much of that respect and kindness was due to her status as a Grey Warden? How much of their pleasant words and pretty smiles were out of feigned respect for a title, and not for the woman that she was?
An elven woman.
Who may now be carrying yet another one of their kind within her belly…
Riel let her hand slip down the lower part of her abdomen as her mind tormented her with images from her past. Would her child become like them? Would it grow up to abuse and spit on elves? To force himself on them, while they cried and begged for mercy? Even if its own mother were an elf, would that stem whatever hatred and ugliness that humans had for her kind?
How can a child created in such an act of violence, not have that violence become a part of it? Didn't her Keeper say that children were embodiments of their parent's? If that were true, what would a human child born from a brutal slave master be like? Even if she were to raise it with all the love she could give, would that matter? Or would she be bringing into this world another holder of whips and chains? A cruel face who stole children in the dead of night and violated them in ways too horrific to utter?
Would her child be the son of Dalish elf, a bridge between the world of humans and elves? Or would she bear forth yet another evil, corrupted by the lineage of its progenitor, twisted by the evil Taint that flowed in her veins into something far worse than even her old masters were? Could she live with herself if her child became such a monster?
Could she live with herself if she knew that because of her, countless other small elven girls would suffer as she had?
"Mythal, guide me…" Riel quietly prayed in the darkness of the araval.
Careful to not disturb the sleeping male beside her, Riel let her fears and memories of her past bleed from her as she held in the sobs that threatened her. With silent tears sliding down her cheeks, she repeated the simple prayer over and over again in her mind.
Please Mythal… Please, don't let it be human. Please… Let this child be his…

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Mythal, guide me…"
They quiet prayer would probably have gone unheard to human ears. Probably to many elven, even. However, he was no average elf. With senses trained and honed through years living as an assassin, even the barely whispered words rang clear in his ears. And combined with the nearly invisible shudders of withheld tears, it did not take magic to that the woman lying next to him was suffering.
With her back to him and curled into a ball, she seemed so tiny then. A true dichotomy, of fierce power and deadly precision, his Riel was a force to be feared by her enemies. Her will alone could shake mountains down to their core. Her inner strength tested by the hottest fires, it remained unbending to those who wished to harm her. To any who looked upon her, Riel was a titan. Strong and tall and fierce in all that she did.
Only a very few ever saw her without the protective guard that she wore. And out of those few, only he ever saw her as she was now. The knowledge was both a treasured prize he held in deep reverence. And also a heartbreaking curse. To see her so fragile, and know that there was little that he could do. Even less that he could say. What could he say that he hadn't said before? What words would mean more than the ones he had already uttered to her?
Is there any that would suffice? Or would he continue to fail her, both in word and in deed?
Mierda… Zevran cursed to himself. To be so close, yet to have nothing to give to her. And even after all he had done to try and make up for his failings, for his pinnacle failure to come back like this to haunt them both still. His more dire of failed promises… His worst of broken oaths to her…
To protect her from ever having to endure what she had in her past…
To never let anyone hurt her that way again…
The promises echoed around in his mind, mocking him in the darkness. Bouncing off his skull, reminding him of that terrible night. The image of her lying helpless underneath that monster… Her screams as he pulled the arrow from her. The look of fear in her eyes as he cut free the collar that held her still.
A nightmare made not of hidden fears of what ifs or what could be. But what is. What was. His failure. His broken promises to her. And now because of him, the woman he loved was still suffering.
Zevran never really gave much thought to children, whether they be his or someone else's. Although he was one a only few of his brothers who refused to accept contracts involving their deaths. To him, children were a gift from the gods. However, he never before thought that he would ever have one himself. Living the life of an assassin didn't lend to thoughts of such fancy. To keep yourself alive was hard enough. To keep others alive in such a deadly world of cutthroats and fellow assassins? Especially ones so small and defenceless? Not to mention the simple fact that any child unfortunately enough to be born to a Crow were taken by the elders of the clans, to be raised as one of them. Or to die in training.
Yet now, with the thought that his Riel was with child… Zevran found himself wondering if this truly was a gift from the gods. Or was it a curse for all the death and suffering he had caused in his life. If not a curse upon himself, then surely on Riel herself.
To have his fierce and proud woman reduced to silent tears, shaking and afraid for what she might be carrying… Zevran would gladly submit himself to any torture or any pain, if only to free her from this. To bring her out of this war against Archdemons and Darkspawn. To end her fears and make it so she would no longer have to shed another tear out of sadness or pain.
Zevran wrapped his arm around Riel, his hand finding hers as it clutched at her midsection. Her tears fell hot on his skin as his other arm slipped under her and pulled her against him. There was no need to guess what thoughts plagued her mind just then. What images haunted her mind, or what horrors rang in her ears. And with each tremble of her tiny body and every shed tear that fell unto his skin, Zevran hated himself ever more.
You caused this… he admonished silently to himself. This is the result of your failure to protect her as you had promised. Sighing heavily, Zevran placed a chaste kiss to Riel's shoulder as his mind reeled. The bastard Talav was right. I am a weapon. A tool to be discarded when no longer needed. I have no purpose other than to destroy. Even the most beautiful and precious treasures in this world would fall to my destruction. Just as I have destroyed her, the most precious of them all.
"Riel… I-" he began, but was cut off by her interrupting him.
"I don't want this, Zevran... I can't do this… Not like this…" she softly cried, her voice barely audible.
Zevran stiffened instantly. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that this was a possibility. A thought that wormed its way through his own tormented mind, a constant reminder of what could be. However he always pushed the thought away. Too unbearable to think of, Zevran prayed that perhaps Riel would choose something different for herself and the child that she carried. For even if the child she bore wasn't his, he would raise and love it as his own. As it was also a part of her.
However, as an almost nightmarish premonition, the idea of her refusing the life that she held refused to leave him. It wasn't as if it were something unheard of, especially in Antiva amongst the Crows. Countless herbs and tonics seemed to exist to aid women who didn't wish to bear a child. And where before Zevran also felt that such a decision was a woman's alone to make, to have such a thing being uttered by her now… Zevran felt his whole body constrict. As if his heart and lungs were wrapped in a shrinking cloth, draining both the blood and air from his body.
"I ah… I see…" Zevran replied stiffly. He than sat up and reached for his clothes, roughly pulling them on as his mind raged in whirlwind of chaos. When he had his trousers and tunic on he paused and looked over to Riel. "I will… I fetch the healers… So you may…-" Zevran couldn't even bring himself to say the words. Stuck in his throat, the thoughts of what was about to happen causing pricks of tears at his eyes. "I will be back soon…"
Zevran then quickly left the araval, fearful of what he may say next. To beg her, perhaps, to reconsider. To plead and cry that she change her mind. However, it was not his place to ask such things of her. No matter his own desire, he would not force such a thing on her. Too much had been forced upon her against her will already. So even as each step away from the araval in which she waited felt as if a thousand daggers in his heart, Zevran allowed his feet to take him to the healers araval.
"Zevran? By the Maker! What is wrong?"
Zevran lifted his eyes from his feet to look into the worried green gaze of Leliana. Immediately his mind tried forming the appropriate greeting he should utter to the human female. A smile to offer, while he bantered away despite the turmoil in his mind. However when he went to open his mouth, nothing but a strangled cry came forth. Foul and treacherous tears slid down his cheeks, betraying him to all those around them.
Without a word Leliana took Zevran by the arm and led him away from the cluster of aravals that made up the homes of the Dalish clan. Past ancient trees and overgrown brush until only the faintest echoes of the elves could be heard. Leliana then stopped and pulled a cloth from her side pack and wiped down one side of Zevran's face, and then the other. Still she was silent, her eyes bearing all the questions she held back.
"You are far too kind, mi amiga…" Zevran finally managed to croak, taking the cloth from her hands.
"Is it Riel? Is she okay?"
Zevran looked away and was silent for a brief moment before he nodded. "She… She wishes to end the…" Zevran coughed, clearing his throat before forcing himself to continue. "She wishes to end the pregnancy," he stated flatly, still keeping his eyes away from hers.
Leliana gasped, her hand coming up to her mouth. "By the Maker! Why?"
Zevran took a few steps, his mind far too active to stand still. "She fears it may be human. Or cursed because of the Taint. Or perhaps even both…"
"But why would she think it would be human?"
Zevran looked back at her, his eyes shining from more unshed tears. "Because I failed her. And because of my failure, the slavers who took her…" Zevran paused, his sorrow under a sudden release of anger. Screaming out in frustration, he swung a fist into a nearby tree. "It is my fault! She suffers this because of me!" he roared, punching the tree again. Then a third time. And a fourth. Again and again, Zevran lashed out at the trees surrounding them.
Suddenly Leliana was there, getting in the way of his fist and the tree behind her. However Zevran managed to pull back his strike barely in time to keep from hitting her. "Zevran! Zevran listen to me! It is not your fault! This is not your doing!" she screamed at him.
However Zevran's mind refused to let her words in. Again and again it bombarded him with the images of that night. The screams and the sounds and the sight of her helpless were repeated endlessly in his mind. "You weren't there, Leliana! You didn't see what I did! What he was doing to her! You weren't there to hear her scream when I cut that blasted collar from her neck! Or to have to cause her further pain by removing that barbed arrow from her leg! I was! I remember it all! I remember the look of terrified horror on her face! The blood that covered her skin! All these images in my mind, reminding me always of how out of every broken promise I ever made to her, that one alone is unforgivable! And now because of my failure, she cries alone, wishing to be rid of the child she carries, on the chance that it might owe part of its parentage to the sick bastards who did that to her!"
Zevran twisted around and back kicked a thin sapling near to where Leliana stood. The force of the kick snapped the tree with a piercing crack, causing it to topple over. Heaving in deep breathes, Zevran stood watching the fallen tree, his fists balled tightly at his side.
Slowly Leliana approached him, her cautious steps sounding much louder than they should have been on the leafy forest floor. "You were the one to save her from them. And now the one who did that to her is dead, Zevran. You made sure of that, remember?"
The heated fury that fueled him a moment ago fled almost as quickly as it had come, leaving only the deepening sadness and grief. With tears in his eyes Zevran looked over to Leliana. "If only I was faster… I heard her scream… Yet by the time I…" Zevran closed his eyes and shook his head. "If I had just stayed in camp that night…"
Leliana stepped up close to Zevran and placed her hands on either side of his face. "You saved her. You did that. And not just that night. By everything you have done for her since joining us all those months ago. Since that first night when Riel brought you back to camp, you have saved her."
"If I recall correctly, I believe that day I had tried to kill her…" Zevran replied with a sorrowful grin.
"True.." Leliana giggled softly. "However, that was also the day that you began to save her."
"I don't understand."
"Before you, Riel was always angry. She hardly smiled, and each day it seemed as if more and more of her was becoming lost. And each night, her nightmares would come and she would cry and scream in her sleep. She was miserable, and nothing any of us could do would change that. Than one day you appeared and everything changed. Riel began to smile more. She started talking more. Little things at first, but gradually she opened up. You did that, Zevran. You saved her from the worst enemy she ever had. Her own past."
Zevran took Leliana's hands from his face and held them together in front of him. "She has saved me far more than I ever saved her, mi amiga. I am only the fool lucky enough to be allowed to love her."
"Then go to her, Zevran. She needs you. Now more than ever."
"But what about-?" Zevran asked, his eyes going wide as he remembered what she asked of him.
"She is scared. Even under normal circumstances, a child can be frightening for a woman. For someone like her who had suffered so much, it can be even more so. Just give her time, Zevran. And be there for her, no matter what she decides. I think it might also perhaps help for her to have another woman to talk to. If you don't mind that is…"
Zevran smiled broadly down at the red head. "You are a true friend, Leliana. Thank you."
Leliana stretched up and wrapped her arms around Zevran's neck, pulling him into a tight hug. "I care about you, Zevran. Both of you have come to mean a lot to me, and I would do anything for either of you."
Zevran was stiff under her touch, yet still managed to lightly return her embrace. For a man who had once prided himself on his ability to cause people pleasure, now touching another person - especially another woman - was awkward and uncomfortable to him. His affections belonged to only one now, and while he appreciated the gesture, Zevran was still thankful when Leliana released him and stepped away.
"Why don't I go speak with Riel first? In the meantime, you can gather some food and drink for her. After all, she is eating for two now, isn't she?"
"You are right of course. Thank you, Leliana."
"Of course. What are friends for?" Leliana replied, offering him a playful wink. "Now go on. Let us girls chat. You go play the dutiful husband."
Zevran bowed down in an exaggerated flourish. "As always, mi amiga."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

From the shadows, it was hard to make out exactly what was said. However, one phrase seemed tuned precisely to find his ears….
"I care about you, Zevran."
The words made his blood boil and his vision flash red. And when he witnessed the two embrace, it took all of his training to keep himself hidden where he was. With white knuckles, he clutched at his sword, imagining over and over again sinking the blade into the traitorous elf's chest. To have one woman stolen away from him was bad enough. But to have the Voidborn elf steal what real happiness he had found himself…
That was too much.
The damnable elf had to die.
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Vhenan'ara