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Free as a Bird	By : Letticiae Category: +A through F > Dragon Age (all) > Dragon Age (all) Views: 9737 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age, nor do I own the characters. I do not make money/profit from writing this fanfiction.

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
- 8
Warning: character death.

Chapter 7 – Run For Your Life

Hawke and Carver sprinted at the sight of a large bridge on the road. They knew that bridge was over a river that ran through Lothering. It was now only a three-hour walk until the village. But the reason they sprinted was the water, as they were both parched, and they were grateful for the silence behind them hinting that it was safe for them to rest for a couple of minutes.

They eagerly drank the clear water and washed the sweat and dirt from their faces and hands. As they sat by the riverside, Carver motioned to take off his boots.

"Don't," Hawke said her first word since their tragic last encounter with darkspawn. "Or you won't be able to put them back on."

It was true. Carver could feel his feet sore, blistered and cramped inside the boots. The pain of putting them back on after experiencing the relief of having them off would be much worse than it was now.

"Are you okay?" he asked. He had been with his mouth shut for a long time, not knowing what to say. Finally, he decided that anything was better than nothing.

"Great! It's as good day as any to lose everything, don't you think?" she said harshly. "Let's go."

He should have kept his mouth shut.

They silently continued on their way to Lothering along the riverbank so they wouldn't go thirsty. Besides the weariness and hunger there was also the punishing sun over their heads now.

Hawke was mentally and physically devastated, struggling not to burst into tears and collapse on the ground, but she couldn't afford to waste time and energy having a break down. She had to take her family out of Lothering.

"Thank you for saving my life, sister," her brother tried again.

"I could never leave you, Carver."

"I know."

Now he had hit the spot and she gave in, shedding the painful tears she had been so resolutely holding back. She had saved Carver and he knew she would always put her family first without hesitation. She tried to convince herself her tears were only of relief and fulfillment, for she had not failed her promise to her father.

What right did she have to cry about losing Arthur, about giving up her life in benefit of her family for a second time? It was her fault that it had all come to that end and crying about it would release the tightness in her heart and ease her pain, bringing her solace she didn't deserve. She had lied to him, argued with him about it even though she was wrong. And she had given him back the ring, causing him to join the army in a desperate attempt to please her and be with her. But he wouldn't have needed to if she had been honest with him from the start, if she hadn't been so stubborn, if she had recognized she was wrong, if, if, if…

Carver put an arm across her back and brought her closer to his side. The affectionate gesture felt right, in spite of being unusual between them, and she leaned her head on his shoulder. Her mind drifted from the guilt to the heartwarming satisfaction of succeeding in keeping her promise to take care of her family. She looked at him, wiped out her tears and smiled. Home was closer now.

The village was in uproar. A small group of fleeing soldiers had managed to get there earlier, bringing the news of the lost battle and the advancing darkspawn horde. Leandra, Bethany and Barlin, along with relatives of other soldiers, were near the access to the Imperial Highway hoping to get more information and praying for the return of their sons and daughters. Many villagers were already packed and leaving town by horse, in oxcarts and even on foot.

"Oh, thank the Maker. They're here, Bethany. They're back!" Leandra ran to meet her children on the road. She tried to hide her dismay at how awful and miserable they looked with their sweaty sunburned faces, dark circles around half-lidded red eyes, ruined blood-stained armors, cuts and scratches on the arms and matted hair. She was afraid they would collapse before reaching their house.

"Where is my son?" Barlin barged in their family reunion, his expression and voice heavy with anger and despair. Hawke and Carver were back and Arthur wasn't with them. He could easily connect the dots. The worst had happened, but he wasn't ready to accept it.

Hawke just shook her head and avoided the man's glare, too exhausted and weak to have a conversation this difficult right now. Could she tell him how Arthur died? Would he even want to know? If she told him, he would like to yell at her or even punch her in the face and she would probably let him, for she felt she deserved it. He could just go ahead and knock her out already. Anything would be easier than telling him that the part she played in his only son's death was even bigger than what he was most likely imagining.

"Barlin, I'm really sorry, but now it's not the time," Leandra intervened, afraid things could get out of hand. She ordered Bethany to help her siblings get home and walked back with the farmer, letting him lash out on her the insults he had prepared for Hawke and trying to calm him every time he paused to take a breath.

At home, Carver and Hawke couldn't believe they could finally lie down. After taking off the remains of their armors, they collapsed on their beds while Bethany repeatedly casted the only healing spell she knew. It was a weak one, but better than nothing. To speed up the process, she gave them elfroot potions. Their mother arrived a few minutes later and started heating water for them to bathe and preparing them a hot meal.

Bethany healed a sleepy Hawke one cut at a time and drained a lyrium potion before moving on to Carver. He had also given in to exhaustion and was already sleeping heavily.

About an hour later, although they had not slept nearly enough, they were grateful Leandra woke them up to eat.

"We have to leave Lothering, mother. The darkspawn will be here any time now," said Hawke while dipping a big chunk of bread in her bowl of chicken soup and devouring it.

"And go where? We can't just abandon everything, Marian," Leandra stated, worried.

"I know it's hard, but you have to trust me, Mother. We cannot stay here."

"I agree, but we can't leave now, sister. We need to get some rest so that we can have a fighting chance if more darkspawn cross our path," Carver said.

"He is right, Marian. Look at yourselves. Oh, Maker!" Leandra was heartbroken about how ragged and slumped they looked.

"Okay, Mother. You and Bethany start packing. Carver and I will get some sleep and we'll all leave at dawn," Hawke said, praying that this decision would not cost them their lives.

In the middle of the night, noises of a village in turmoil awakened Hawke. Looking out of the window she saw people running and screaming and fire burning high in the distance. She put her old armor on – the one she had used before the army – and got her spare daggers. When she left her room, her family was already awake, with worried looks on their faces while they quickly got dressed.

"The darkspawn are here. We need to go. Now!" she hurried them.

"What about –" Leandra was interrupted by the twang of a sharp arrow getting stuck in their front door.

"There's no time, Mother. Leave everything!" Hawke commanded, getting out of the house with her family following her.

The four of them were making their way out through side roads, to avoid the bulk of the horde on the Imperial Highway. They didn't go very far before encountering darkspawn scouts. Bethany was eager to use her magic freely, so Hawke and Carver stayed back letting her strike them first with fire balls and then engaging the weakened survivors in close combat.

Leandra couldn't fight or help in any other way, so she used the time to whine. "Maker save us, we've lost it all. Everything your father and I built…"

"Not now, Mother. We have to keep going," Hawke interrupted harshly. There was no time to be nice or diplomatic.

The old woman was tired already and falling behind, which was putting everyone on the edge. "Why didn't we leave sooner?" Bethany snapped, glaring at her siblings.

"Why are you looking at us? We've been running since Ostagar!" Carver retorted, defending Hawke and him.

Everybody was tense and upset, about to lash their frustrations on each other, so the older sister took charge and put them back on track. "Are you insane? If we stand around arguing we'll die!"

"Lead on," Carver agreed.

Not further down the road, Bethany halted to question her siblings again, concerned that they didn't know where they were going. This was getting on Hawke's nerves. "We stay alive! That's the only thing we have to worry about now!"

"We could go to Kirkwall," Leandra suggested.

The city was far and full of templars, but it seemed like their only option. They didn't have anyone to help them anywhere else, but there they had family.

As they fought their way through more darkspawn, they found two surrounded warriors and helped them. Unfortunately, one of them was a templar. Hawke was having a hard time believing her luck. Great, now besides these damned creatures I'll have to kill people too! She had never killed anyone before, just animals and darkspawn. But if she had to, she was ready to start right now.

"I stand with Bethany, templar," she said, stepping between her sister and Ser Wesley.

Aveline convinced her husband he should let this one slide since the mage and her family had just saved them. Reaching an agreement, the six of them continued together through the Wilds towards Gwaren, where they could take ship for Kirkwall or anywhere else.

The red-haired warrior found it disturbing that the rogue was looting bodies of not only darkspawn, but of humans as well that they encountered down the road. However, she decided not to pick up a fight about it now. They had better chances of survival if they stuck together.

They all felt the ground trembling as an ogre charged towards them. Everyone threw themselves out of the monster's way and it stopped facing Leandra. Carver was closer to her and jumped in, attacking it to protect his mother.

Hawke got up on her feet and as she ran to aid him, she saw the beast grab Carver, fiercely smash him on the ground and toss him aside covered in blood.

"Fucking ogre!" Hawke yelled, reaching the creature and swiftly climbing its back. She grabbed one of its horns with one hand, trying to make herself as steady as possible, and used the other hand to repeatedly stab its neck. She looked frenzied. With its blood furiously spraying out of its body, the ogre fell down on its stomach squirming and gave its last breath with Hawke still riding its back. Not sated, nevertheless, she cut its head off and swinging her arm for greater momentum she hurled it towards a group of darkspawn that was closing in on her. The head knocked down the hurlock that was ahead of the group, its horns sticking deep into his chest.

Aveline paused for a moment annoyed that that woman had no control over rage. From where did she summon strength to do such a thing? Is it safe to be around someone so bloodthirsty? I guess… better at her side than against her, at least for now. If she keeps this crazed killer behavior we might even have a chance of living to see another day. But I'll have to keep an eye on her.

The fight was over. At the sight of Leandra kneeled, crying over Carver's dead body, Hawke's heart sunk. She couldn't believe she had failed her promise to keep them safe. She was so in love with ogres right now, she could probably kill one just with the rage in her eyes. All the men she loved were gone and she had failed them all. Couldn't the Maker grant her even a single moment of truce to mourn any of them?

"This is your fault. How could you let him charge off like that?" Predictably, Leandra was blaming her elder daughter for Carver's death.

Hawke hung her head. First Arthur and now Carver. How many more people she loved would she lead to their deaths?

She wanted to stay by her brother's side and die fighting darkspawn to protect his body. But her mother and sister still needed her. Could she just abandon him there, without a proper funeral, like if he was a nobody? Like Arthur had been abandoned… No, she wouldn't dwell on her failures. She had to steel her heart and move on, if not for her, at least for Leandra and Bethany.

Ser Wesley offered to commend Carver's soul to the Maker. The useless templar had not been fighting with them just because of a minor injury. If he could stand, how come he could not wield a weapon? Hawke had hated that ungrateful templar at first sight.

They spent no more than a couple minutes saying goodbye to Carver and it was enough for a large group of darkspawn to catch up with them. Hawke was so angry and frustrated. Couldn't the Maker give her a fucking break?

Suddenly a dragon swooped in clearing the area from all enemies and then turned into an old lady. Seeing how things had gone for her up to now, Hawke thought this witch would probably be much worse than the darkspawn she had saved them from.

Much to her sister displeasure, Bethany was quick enough to ask the witch for help, which Hawke promptly refused. Weirdly, the woman insisted in helping them, even saying that actually it was she that needed their help. Hawke finally agreed. They really didn't have a better chance of escaping Ferelden than this one Flemeth was offering.

Before they could go, though, the witch remarked they had to deal with Ser Wesley. The templar was lying down, in agony, taken by the blight. Maybe that was why he was being so useless all the time. Hawke was ready to leave him behind, but Aveline was taking her time, hesitating in making this tough decision.

Wesley was the first man Hawke thought she would kill, when he had threatened Bethany. Now, if she had to, she was again ready to do it, especially since Aveline seemed unable to, and they were wasting time that could cost their lives.

Aveline stood aside, not surprised to see the bloodthirsty rogue volunteering to take Wesley's life, but somewhat grateful that she did.

Why did Hawke not let his wife do it? Why did she want to do this? Losing her home and witnessing the death of all the men she had loved were quickly turning her into a different person. The piled up grief that she was not healed from, because she was denied time to feel it, was walling around her heart, turning her numb and settling her mind on an idea that had been taunting her since the battle of Ostagar: there is no Maker; we're all alone in the end.

This Hawke, shattered and hollowed, had no problem in pushing a knife through a man's chest and abandon his corpse to vultures. She was already guilty of both Arthur's and Carver's deaths and was forced to leave their bodies to rot as well. This templar was just another man she would guide to his death.
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Free as a Bird