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Breeder	By : Larania Category: +M through R > Mass Effect Views: 9432 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: Mass Effect belongs to Bioware and EA, not me, and I make no money from this work of fanfiction.

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Breeder
Chapter Seven
Disclaimer: Mass Effect belongs to Bioware and EA Games. This is a work of fanfiction, and I make no money from this fan work at all.
Warnings: adult language, sexual situations, slash, dub/non-con, threesomes, gender bending and mpreg. If I have missed something, please inform me and I will add it.
Characters/pairings: Colonist/War Hero paragade ManShep/Kaidan, ManShep/Garrus and a little ManShep/Zaeed.
Summary: Mindoir's strategy for survival was one that was not well-known to the greater galactic community. Derek Shepard carried this legacy with him, dormant, through the Skyllian Blitz and through the battle with Sovereign. However, after his death at the hands of the Collectors and revival due to the machinations of Cerberus, he must cope with his body no longer being his own.
~*~*~*~*~*~
My god, Derek remembered thinking, like a bolt out of the blue. I want to have that man's babies.
The thought was had left him cold and sweaty, breath jarred from his lungs and was completely out of place during a fight for their lives against pirates guarding Krogan Rebellion relics. He should not have that thought when he was trying to do Wrex a favor, and he's been slammed into a wall by a krogan pirate.
He had no business being hot and bothered by watching Kaidan Alenko first detonate a tech bomb that took out two snipers. Seeing Kaidan use a biotic lift to immobilize Tonn Actus while Shepard was cutting down his two lackeys should not have made him think I want him to pin me to the wall and fuck me now.
Even when the battle was done, those thoughts still caused a squirming in his gut, a sense of both wonder and wrongness as he caught his breath. He was aware of everything about the other human as they trudged out of Tonn Actus' stronghold: the pace of Kaidan's breathing, that he walked a step too close for respect, that he sounded like he was about to laugh through his breather helmet. Shepard couldn't speak to him, because those thoughts were too close to the surface, too unbalancing. Yet he could not un-think it.
When Derek had first left Mindoir to join the Alliance Military, he had tried to leave the Mindoir experiments behind. He had worked with Alliance Medical to keep himself from changing and proceeded to concentrate all his energy on stopping pirates. On the (dashed, broken) dream of finding any of his siblings still alive. While he had dimly imagined a day when he could retire (when all piracy, greed and cruelty were extinguished) in a distant, foggy future... Derek had shunted all thoughts away from the idea that someone might get children on him. He had never wanted it before.
He told himself he still didn't. He wasn't a girl.
That didn't stop the small, traitorous thought of they would be beautiful, wouldn't they?
~*~*~*~*~
Sounds filtered in first. Small, fizzing, there was no sense to be had as he lifted eyelids that had been cemented shut. He felt numb, limbs bolted to the ground beside him, except for a deep, raw ache that roiled through his belly. He wanted to curl up on himself, but he couldn't manage more than a loud hiss of pain.
"Doctor Chakwas?"
Sounds resolved themselves into words. Too bad his eyes were still blurred to the point he couldn't see where he was.
"Doctor Chakwas, I think he's waking up," a familiar voice murmured, and Shepard frowned as he tried to place it. He managed to tip his head to the side, but everything was fuzzy beyond his elbow. Then he felt a squeeze across his palm, and the dark figure on his right stepped closer, caressing his face.
"Derek, can you hear me?" that voice continued, and Shepard blinked as things started to clear. "You're on the," he heard that voice pause. "You're in the SR-2's med-bay. Do you know what happened to you?"
Shepard managed to reach up and rub his eyes. "Kaidan?" he asked, unsure if he was dreaming or not. He was afraid to find out. Did dreams hurt like this? "No. Last thing I remember was thinking was damn that was stupid and then I..." he licked his lips, recalled that yes... Sometimes dreams did hurt. "Felt like I had the menstrual cramps from hell, and everything got really cold."
"God," Kaidan said, leaning forward and taking Shepard's hand in both of his. "You weren't menstruating. You- you told me about the potential for you to change but I didn't realize," he cut off again, biting his lip as he tried to find the words. "Derek, you aren't menstruating. You miscarried."
Shepard's eyes went wide, lips shaping the question but could not force out any sound.
"I take responsibility for you not knowing, Commander," Doctor Chakwas said, coming over and removing her bloody gloves. "You told me you were late and I just thought it was due to your body adjusting to the new regulator. Then you said you had started, but that was probably just implantation bleeding." Her eyes, tone, expression, all of it was apologetic. "You were about four weeks along. I should have insisted on checking, but I had thought you would have mentioned if you were sexually active. At any rate, Garrus told us that the Collector called Harbinger was targeting you specifically for biotic attacks. From what I can tell, that was what caused the miscarriage was well as the hemorrhaging that made you to pass out. Staff Commander Alenko and Garrus got you back to the ship just in time."
Shepard forced himself to breath as his mind churned over this new slice of fresh hell. "Team two?"
"Team two got out okay. They were pinned down by three scions and a shitload of husks, but there were only a few injuries," a new voice answered, and Garrus walked into his line of sight. "Shit, Commander, don't do this to us." He walked over to take a seat on Shepard's left hand, and took it after a moment's hesitation. "This is your revenge for me trying to block a rocket with my face, isn't it?"
Shepard blinked, looking at both Kaidan and Garrus. For two such different species, they had remarkably similar expressions: which was a strong desire to cry. Given that Garrus wasn't actually capable of it, that was saying something.
"I thought that was your revenge for me dying on the Normandy," Shepard tried to joke, but it came out flat. He kept coming back to one phrase. He had miscarried. He had gotten pregnant, hadn't known it, had failed to... If he had known, he would have had to terminate.
Derek closed his eyes against that. The... embryo... had been Zaeed's. That thought, along with the pain, made him nauseous.
He had not gotten the chance to decide. The mental image of Harbinger declaring THIS HURTS YOU sent a shudder down his spine.
He didn't know if he had a mental box big enough to shut this away.
"Derek," Kaidan said, voice broken, before dropping his head down to Shepard's chest, shoulders shaking, and moving one hand to Shepard's belly, making him flinch. "Please. Don't do this to me. It took me two years to start enjoying life again. I watched you hit atmo from the life pod and I," his body quaked, and Shepard freed his right hand to awkwardly pet his back.
"I'm sorry," Shepard croaked. "I should have said it first, when I saw you on Horizon. Garrus, too." He saw the turian shift in his seat, but he didn't let go of Shepard's hand. "I didn't want to die." He was dragging words out from that black box of memories around his death, tried to keep it from spewing across his mind. He failed. "I didn't want to leave you alone." He was very aware of the pressure of Kaidan's head on his chest. "I don't know what I could have done differently." Why could he see it so clearly? The Normandy, beautiful Normandy, dying by inches around him. "I remember getting Joker to the life pod." His breath wheezed. "And then the Collector ship's beam hit. I hit the launch button, and Joker was screaming at me." Shepard narrowed his eyes, looking away, and he couldn't get enough air in his lungs. "My suit took damage." He was choking. "Air. Tried to stop the ruptures. Couldn't breathe. Can't breathe." His heart pounded in his chest. Couldn't breathe. Tried to flail as blackness tried to drop over his eyes-
He heard scrambling, a hiss, and he knew no more.
~*~*~*~*~
The med-bay was silent after the doctor administered the sedative, leaving both Garrus and Kaidan to watch Shepard's vitals smooth as he relaxed into unconsciousness.
"Shit," Kaidan whispered, pulling back, wiping the tears off his face. "Shit. I'm sorry, I didn't know that would trigger him."
Doctor Chakwas sighed, and sat on nearby bed. "I don't think any of us knew it would trigger him. He's held up fairly well, given the circumstances. But then, how is someone supposed to act when they come back from death? Does anyone know? If he's held off having a PTSD episode until now, I'm impressed."
Both Garrus and Kaidan looked at each other. "He really died?" Kaidan asked, and he could feel Garrus echoing the sentiment.
"Yes," Chakwas said, unequivocally, before grabbing a datapad, thumbing through the files and handing it to him. "His body was in bad shape. I had nothing to do with the resurrection process, and it apparently took over four billion credits to achieve and Cerberus pulling in experts from every branch of science imaginable. And before you ask, no, I'm only part of Cerberus because Shepard is here. Like Garrus, like Joker. They finally revived Shepard to consciousness three months ago." She sighed. "And if you make any more noises about Shepard being in cahoots with Cerberus before that, I'll bitch slap you myself." She lifted one elegant eyebrow and crossed her arms. "Because he's been through hell, but he has still tried to help anyone who asks. Hell... for all we know, he did." Her face fell. "Damn it. Why didn't I think to give him a pregnancy test?" she asked, rubbed her chin, speaking to herself. "He's been acting skittish for the past two months."
Garrus looked at her, then at Kaidan, and leaned back into his chair. Though he still kept a grip on Shepard's hand. "Just to get this straight... my translator isn't glitching?" He looked confused. "I thought humans worked on a similar sexual dimorphism to turians, drell and krogan, except, you know, mammalian? One sex bears the young while the other sires it?"
"Needless to say, it's more complicated than that," the doctor replied, pinching the skin between her brows. "Human sexuality, gender identity and physiological conformity always have people who cross boundaries and cannot be easily classified. This is usually the result of organic reproduction and genetics being much more difficult to quantify than humans want to believe. Different cultures have coped with people who fell outside our convenient little binaries in various ways, but right now we're mostly accepting of them. However, this is only the case when it comes to naturally occurring human biology. This is not the case with Shepard."
Kaidan winced. "Shepard finally told me, after Ilos." He looked down at the sleeping man's face. "An entire colony turned into a strange genetic experiment in how to make human reproduction more... efficient." His lips puckered.
"The Mindoir genetic mods?" Garrus' eyebrow ridges went up. "I thought he was being awfully evasive when Mordin brought it up, but... Damn. That's what he was talking about. So he... can do both types now?"
"The idea was that, in case of a disaster and there was a large sex imbalance, the altered males could help with producing new offspring," Chakwas said. "The changes wouldn't be apparent until a massive imbalance occurred for a set period of time. What that time frame was, I was not informed." She sighed, rubbing her eyes. "Could have been months, weeks? Shepard's next appointment for a new hormone regulator was actually three days after Virmire. I could have done the surgery on ship, but his particular regulator had to be manufactured individually at an Alliance hospital. We didn't have the resources for it on the original Normandy."
"And none of us were exactly in a good headspace right then, not to mention we had been called back to the Citadel." Kaidan said. "So... the changes started after that?"
"I don't know." Chakwas frowned, deep in thought. "I have a theory, but it's only speculation at this point." At the curious expressions from both males, she shrugged. "Human females that match in both gender and biological sex typically have a hormonal cycle where they are capable of conceiving." Garrus nodded his understanding. Doctor Chakwas' expression turned vaguely amused. "On the original Normandy, most of the human women, despite their standard regulators, followed Ashley Williams' cycle. Shepard did as well." Kaidan's mouth opened, and Chakwas shrugged.
"He is as genetically female as male," Chakwas went on. "And I think that was part of how the trigger worked. Sync up with the female with the most powerful pheromones, and if something happened to her..." She trailed off, and gave Kaidan a thoughtful look. "Perhaps not the only reason, but still the best I could come up with. Yet whatever the reason, he was in the beginning stages of his transformation when he died."
"I'm telling the two of you this because I trust you not to breathe a word of this outside of the med-bay," she said, hands twitching the blanket covering the unconscious Commander. "And because I think I found all the bugs. Doctor Solus and I swept a few days ago. This was something very personal and private for him. I trust you to treat it the same."
Kaidan shifted his gaze between Shepard, Chakwas, and back again. "This is one hell of a lot to take in. Sounds like Cerberus doesn't trust you any more than I trust Cerberus."
"Personally, I will leave it to Shepard to figure out what Cerberus is actually up to, but that seems to be the case." She sighed. "I have always trusted he will remain ethical."
Quiet fell, as both Kaidan and Garrus both watched the sleeping man's face; not good dreams, if Shepard's soft moan was any indication.
"Do we need to let," Kaidan started, then stopped, and exhaled. Sniffled a bit. "Do we need to let the father know?"
"That's Shepard's call, not ours," Garrus replied. "And if you're fishing for information on someone replacing you, I doubt it." Garrus twitched. His eyes went distant, and he fluttered one of his mandibles. "He's not mentioned anyone, he's been hiding-" His eyebrow ridges shot up, mouth shutting in a click of teeth, before a cold, predatory expression dropped over his face. "Hmm." He squeezed Shepard's hand. "We'll just have to ask."
"Garrus," Kaidan asked, a warning note in his voice. Despite his voice, he began caressing Shepard's face, watching as Derek slipped into a more peaceful slumber. "What is it?"
"Nothing I can do about it right now," Garrus answered, voice rising and bristling. "And if I'm wrong, I want to be careful about it. Things are tense enough on this ship without me throwing around accusations."
Kaidan opened his mouth to answer, then shook his head and grunted.
"Going to stick around long enough to see if he'll be okay?" Garrus asked, baiting him. "This isn't an Alliance ship. But it is Shepard's."
Kaidan's eyes met Garrus, nostrils flaring. "Fuck you. Yes."
~*~*~*~*~*~
Waking up from anesthesia often felt like a fight against a thick, lead weighted blanket. This was no different, as Shepard had to drag air back into his lungs. He could smell antiseptic, and old blood. His body still felt numb in the limbs, achy in his lower abdomen, but the blind terror and panic of his flashback had faded... enough. He exhaled, then sucked air in again, grunting as he pulled his elbows under him to roll to his left.
He was on the middle bio-bed, with the head next to far wall from the mess. He blinked, once, twice, and felt an unfamiliar smile crease his face despite himself. On his left, he saw Garrus, and Kaidan on his right. Both of them were passed out, asleep, in full armor.
"That's going to chafe like a bitch later," Derek whispered, his heart fluttering as his stomach twisted. He heard steps, and looked up to see Doctor Chakwas' gray head cross into view.
"Indeed, but neither wanted to leave yet. I thought you would want them here when you woke," she responded. "Though this meant chasing off Jeff, Mr. Taylor and Miss Goto." She helped him sit up, frowning as he continued to grunt and huff. "We had to do some minor surgery to stop the internal bleeding, but it wasn't anything we couldn't handle here. How are you managing the pain? I can give you a topical anesthetic or something stronger, if you need it."
He gave her a one-shouldered shrug, swinging around to plant his feet on the deck. Shepard leaned forward, getting his balance beneath him to stand-
Before sitting down hard in a whine of pain, panting as his face slicked with sweat.
"Should have asked earlier," he wheezed, between gasps. "How bad was it?"
"Nothing permanent." Doctor Chakwas sat next to him with a hypodermic, finding his temporary IV shunt and injecting a pain killer. "You may not want to hear it phrased like this, but it is one of the more common questions asked after what you just went through." Shepard buried his face in his hands. "You should still be able to... never mind."
"When can I get back to work?" came the muffled question.
"I won't clear you for field duty for another four days, or until the bleeding stops," Doctor Chakwas answered. He dropped his hands to give her a questioning look, and she elaborated. "We stopped the rest of the internal bleeding, but you're still shedding uterine material. I want to make sure there are no complications. However, we get your pain under control, I can clear you for light duty in a few hours." She rubbed his back. "You should try talking to Ms. Chambers. Grief and confusion are normal after a miscarriage. I don't care if you are the galaxy's best soldier, you need to talk to someone about it."
"Not yet." He turned to face her, eyes red-rimmed but the pain fading enough for the muscles in his jaw to unclench. "I've had counselors and therapists talk at me for years. Never seemed to help. Work helps. Worrying about people that aren't me helps." He swallowed hard, then rubbed his abdomen. "I talk about it, I'll get stuck wallowing in self-pity. I can't afford that. Not now."
The doctor opened her mouth to respond, before closing it and frowning.
Derek then took slow, deep breathes, setting his shoulders, bracing himself against what he would ask next.
"Why didn't the implant work?"
Doctor Chakwas pursed her lips. "I don't know. It is a standard issue implant, meant to stop pregnancy and even out mood swings. It is about ninety-eight percent effective in most cases. Though I suppose that might be the crux right there: most cases. You don't really fall under that umbrella. You are about as atypical as they come."
"I talked to Mordin about making a more effective implant. Perhaps he'll have time now that we've got the countermeasure," Shepard mentioned. He grimaced, looking down at the ugly hospital smock. "My fatigues?"
"Ruined. They were soaked with both blood and," she patted his back again. "Other materials. I've already put them through the incinerator. I can ask one of the crew to go to your quarters and get you something clean."
Shepard shook his head, slid to his feet again, caught himself when he stumbled, and straightened to his full height. "Can I take a shower?"
"Your surgical incisions are sealed, so you should be fine. Do you want me to get Alenko and Vakarian up to help you?"
Shepard looked over his shoulder, before shaking his head. "Let them rest. They've earned it." He took another step towards the door before the doctor stopped him.
"Let me rephrase that. As head medical officer, I order you to wake them up and let them help you to your quarters. It's not far to the elevator, or your cabin, but it would soil my reputation if you passed out right after I cleared you to leave the med-bay." Her tone was pleasant and implacable, before she turned to shake both Kaidan and Garrus to wakefulness.
"You'll need to use the liners," Chakwas said quietly, as her two henchmen walked up to bracket Shepard. "Not the inserts, to absorb the bleeding. We want to make sure there is no infection. And no alcohol. It won't react well with the pain medication."
Shepard didn't look back this time, just nodded, then shambled out with both Garrus and Kaidan trailing behind.
~*~*~*~*~
Kaidan braced himself as Derek hung off himself and Garrus, half unconscious already from the pain killer.
"You can drop me off at my cabin and leave," Shepard muttered, "I'm sure you have... duties, or..."
"The armaments can go a few days without being calibrated," Garrus said, before both Shepard and Kaidan whipped their heads around to stare at him.
"You've been indoctrinated, haven't you?" Shepard croaked, letting go of him to put his weight on Kaidan, making him stumble.
"Yeah, gotta say I'm with Derek on this one," Kaidan replied. "Who are you and what have you done with Garrus Vakarian?" His arms went around Shepard, and he tried to not flush with pleasure that he was holding Shepard again. Now was not the time.
Garrus took his turn to glare at them as they headed inside the captain's cabin. Kaidan took one look around and whistled. Garrus winced at the noise.
"Big place," Kaidan muttered, eyes wide as he took in the palatial suite. That was a definite understatement. Compared to the corresponding room on an Alliance warship, it was huge. Shiny. Stylish. His eyes skipped over the glowing fish tank to the starship models, to a display of Shepard's medals... and a picture of himself.
He stopped, throat closing up as old feelings boiled under his skin. He swallowed hard, feeling Derek sway against him.
"I need to shower," Derek muttered. "Could get some clean fatigues out of the armor closet?" He gestured towards the lower level. Kaidan nodded, pushing Shepard gently into Garrus, who caught him from behind, one arm around his chest and the other around his waist. Kaidan turned in time to see the turian's jaw go tight when Shepard slumped, before he rallied and shuffled towards the bathroom, cursing as he reached for the ties of his smock.
Garrus followed, took a step and stopped him before the door, putting one hand on Shepard's shoulder to ask permission. Derek nodded, and Garrus reached for the closures, pulling them free and letting the plastic fabric drop to the floor, leaving him in some loosely woven, padded briefs. His hands wandered over his body, looking at the small medi-gel sealed incision above his navel.
"Could be worse, I guess," Kaidan heard Shepard whisper, before looking up and flinching under Kaidan's gaze. Shepard wrapped his arms around himself, face taut and stepped back into the bathroom, the door snapping shut between them.
"Well, that was awkward," Garrus said after a moment. No sound seemed to escape the small bathroom, and he stepped down to the lower level and sprawled on the couch. "Think we should make it worse? Tell him he's still got his figure? Ask him about baby-daddy?"
"I thought that was the plan," Kaidan said, returning his gaze to the armor locker and the supply of uniforms inside. "And he didn't have much trouble until I saw him." He paused, feeling a few more tears leak out. "He's only been awake for about three months?" he asked, whispering. "I still can't believe he's back. And with Cerberus."
Garrus shrugged the first sentence off. "Sometimes I can't, either." He leaned forward, resting his face in his hands with his elbows on his knees. "Sometimes..." He turned his face away from Kaidan, thumbing the bandaged side of his face. "Nevermind."
Kaidan rocked back on his heels, looking at the turian. "What?"
Garrus shook his head. Kaidan bit the inside of his cheek, but stood up after grabbing the requisite clothing out of the locker (and fighting down envy at the sheer quality of that shit. Cerberus had credits to burn, apparently.)
"He apologized," Kaidan muttered, sitting down beside Garrus. "Like he had any control over dying." Kaidan wiped his face again, wondering if he would ever stop crying for Shepard. "I hated him, for awhile," he admitted, quietly, looking down at the uniform. "I loved him, and when he was gone I thought of all the ways I could have stayed with him. Should have stayed with him. Then I hurt so much I hated I that I had ever known him." He turned to Garrus, with a humorless quirk of the lips. "And then the rumors said he was with Cerberus, and..." He stopped, looked over at his picture. "I hated myself for doubting him."
Garrus lifted an eyebrow ridge. "Huh. I thought melodramatic confessions only came about while drunk." He looked away, eyes distant. "I didn't hate him for dying. I hated him for coming back. Because he reminded me of much I had changed." His voice dropped to just above a whisper. "And that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't be him."
Kaidan sighed, looking up at the aquarium. "Hm. You're right, we are far too sober for this conversation." Unfortunately, there was no booze to be seen, and Kaidan didn't think Shepard would be happy if they broke into his stash, especially when Doctor Chakwas had forbidden him from joining in.
"So, Staff Commander. Congratulations," Garrus said, when the silence crept on too long. "How'd that go?"
"Boring. Don't get me wrong, I've kept busy, but the ceremony was hell. Don't really want to talk about it. You?" Kaidan nodded at his face. "What the hell happened to you?"
"Did a stint as a vigilante on Omega. Took a rocket to the face. Really don't want to talk about it." Garrus crossed his legs, still not meeting Kaidan's eyes. "Did you ever run across the name Archangel?"
Kaidan was about to answer when he realized that Derek's shower was taking too long, and he was holding Derek's clean clothes. He thrust the bundle to Garrus' arms. "Can you check on him? He's taking too long, and," he swallowed. "I don't think he wants me to see him like this."
Garrus shrugged, then nodded, and walked up the three steps to the higher level of the cabin. Kaidan was careful to keep his eyes averted as the door hissed open, listened to Garrus' soft exclamation of surprise. Shepard had apparently slid down the wall, sitting on the floor of the shower, making Kaidan twitch as he wanted to run up to see if he was okay.
"I'm fine," Shepard insisted, and Kaidan rocked back and forth as he continued listening. Garrus clicked his jaw, and then the sounds were muffled as Shepard was swabbed down and Garrus suddenly swore.
"Doctor Chakwas said not to worry about that," Kaidan heard him. He wracked his brain for what it could be, then winced when he figured it out. Shepard was still seeping, and it was bad enough to make Garrus unhappy. "Really. Liners are on the shelf in here, hand me those."
More rustling, more muttering, and what seemed like hours later, Shepard stumbled down the steps again. He looked tired, still damp, but he no longer looked like he was about to shatter in a stiff breeze. Kaidan found his lips drawn upwards, even if he wasn't happy. He was on a Cerberus ship, filled with traitors to the Alliance, sitting across from the man who had broken him with his death and damn if his return to life wasn't much better.
"We need to talk," Derek said, unconsciously leaning on Garrus who had put his arm around Derek's waist, again.
"Yeah, we do."

To be continued.
- 6
- 7
- 8
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