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To Break a Hero	By : Tanwen Category: +M through R > Mass Effect Views: 6128 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
- 8
Shepard, James, and EDI exited the elevator, guns drawn, to see a group of salarians protecting the Council. The car that it appeared they had been going to use was on fire. With relief, Shepard recognized the salarian at the head of the group - Jondum Bau, her fellow Spectre that she had helped recently.
“Commander Shepard!” Bau said, lowering his gun. “What was the meaning of that attack on the elevator?”
Shepard lowered her weapon and gestured to EDI and James to do the same. “Udina’s working with Cerberus,” she said. “He’s responsible for the attack on the Citadel. Councilor Valern confirmed it. He’s alive, by the way.”
“This is an outrage!” Udina yelled. “How dare you suggest such a thing, Shepard, when you were working with Cerberus not so long ago. You have no proof of this. You never do.”
“There are Cerberus soldiers in the elevator shaft behind us,” Shepard replied angrily. “If you open that door, they’ll kill you all.”
“Councilors,” Bau said, “I would remind you that time has proven Commander Shepard right, more than once.” He nodded to the other two salarians and strode towards Udina. “Donnel Udina, on my authority as a Council Spectre, I am placing you under arrest on the charge of treason.”
“To hell with this,” Udina said, reaching for a gun that Shepard hadn’t known he carried.
“Gun!” Bau said. He drew his up again and fired at Udina, quicker than Udina could take a shot at one of his fellow councilors.
Shepard relaxed slightly, seeing that the immediate threat was past. “Bau, cover the Councilors. We’ll take point on the door,” she said, bringing her rifle out again.
That precaution turned out to be an unnecessary one, as the person who stepped out from the elevator door was Commander Bailey, letting them know that the Cerberus forces had retreated. It was over.
For now.
There was not enough alcohol in her cabin, Shepard thought as she tossed the empty bottle of whiskey in the trash. Then again, there might not be enough alcohol in the universe to help with her mood.
Cerberus had kidnapped, tortured, and brainwashed Kaidan. The stark reality was that he was no longer the man she loved - he was an enemy wearing that man’s face. And that hurt in a way that Shepard had never felt before. Cerberus had done this specifically to hurt her. She had never dreamed that defying the Illusive Man would result in this.
Since returning from the Citadel, there had been a series of knocks on Shepard’s cabin, accompanied by commentary from EDI about who was causing it. Shepard had ignored them all, telling them to leave if her silence wasn’t enough.
Shepard went over to see if there was any more in her desk - which brought her face-to-face with the picture of Kaidan. She stared at it for a long moment, alcohol blunting some of the emotions that picture was bringing up - but not all of them. She gripped at the wall as the tears started, sliding down to sit on the floor as she hugged herself and sobbed.
She had no idea how long she sat there, crying, forgetting about all her responsibilities and all the people who were counting on her to be strong. Long enough for her throat to be dry by the time a noise caught her attention. Her door was opening.
“EDI-“ she started to say angrily, but stopped when she saw who was there. The multiple people who were there. Liara and Garrus, James and Dr. Chakwas.
“You have to talk to someone,” Liara said, her voice soft but firm. “So pick one, and the rest of us will go away and leave you alone.”
“We know that what happened on the Citadel is tearing you up,” James said.
“I had no idea you cared, Vega,” Shepard said sharply. She saw James flinch at the tone.
“Don’t do that, Shepard,” Chakwas said. “Liara’s right. We won’t let you be try and ride this out alone. We do care about you.”
Shepard looked between their four faces - James still looking hurt, Liara and Garrus looking concerned, and Chakwas’ jaw set in a stubborn expression. “Fine,” she said. “Chakwas can stay.”
Liara nodded, turning to leave. The two men followed her. Chakwas walked over and took a seat on the couch, Shepard following slowly. She felt woozy, and decided to lean against the wall rather than make it all the way to the couch.
“Here,” Chakwas said, rising again to hand over a nutrient bar to Shepard. “You’ll still have a hell of a hangover tomorrow, but maybe you won’t be sick.”
“Pain is good,” Shepard said, but she took the bar and peeled off the wrapper.
“You’re not the only one who’s hurting, Shepard,” Chakwas said gently. “Did you forget that I knew Alenko before you came onto the Normandy?”
She had, and it must have showed on her face, because Chakwas nodded. “I thought so. It’s okay, Shepard. I can’t even imagine what this feels like to you. I saw the relationship between the two of you growing, two years ago. I’d never seen him so happy.”
Shepard closed her eyes and thought back to those days on the first Normandy. Talking to Kaidan about his time at BAaT. Consoling each other after Virmire, after Ashley’s death. The night before the Mu Relay, before Ilos. The time they’d spent together in the month before -
Before she died. And started on the path to losing him to Cerberus.
She didn’t realize that she was crying again until Chakwas put a hand on her shoulder and she turned to look at her through blurry eyes. “This wasn’t your fault, Shepard,” Chakwas said. “James told me what Kaidan said. I can see why they would have told him that - it makes my blood boil, but I can see it. But don’t believe it. The only one to blame is the Illusive Man. It was his choice to do this to Kaidan. Nothing you did justifies this. He wanted you to get to the Collector home world and stop human colonies from disappearing - you did that. Everything after that was, rightfully, your choice. Don’t let him convince you otherwise.”
Shepard took a few long gulps of air, trying to buy herself some time to come up with something to say to that. Chakwas was right. It didn’t change what had happened. It didn’t give Kaidan back to her. But it eased some of the despair that had been building since she saw him. She wasn’t sure if she would have believed it from just anyone, but Chakwas had been there since the beginning.
“It hurts,” she said, almost a whimper.
“I know, Shepard,” Chakwas replied. “It should hurt. What’s been done is monstrous. Inhuman, ironic from someone claiming to have humanity’s best interests at heart. It’s hard enough to lose someone you care about. But to have it happen in this fashion…”
“I can’t let it get to me,” Shepard said. “I have to be strong. The Crucible still needs to be finished. Hackett told me the quarians are willing to talk.”
“Shepard, you can’t think like that,” Chakwas said. “This kind of thing needs to be dealt with.”
“When am I going to have time to deal?” Shepard asked, her voice breaking again. “I have to bring the quarian fleet in, and deal with the geth. Hackett keeps sending me all these little missions that he says only I can do. Anderson is still fighting on Earth, we’ll have to go back at some point. Cerberus is still out there-“ she paused, and then swallowed. “And there’s a bullet in my gun with the Illusive Man’s name on it.”
“Shepard, all of that is quite true. But how will you do all of that if you’re fighting back pain every minute of every day? How can you focus if all you can think about is Kaidan?” Chakwas was looking intently at her, so intently that Shepard had to look away.
“I don’t know,” Shepard said quietly, without lifting her head up. “I … really don’t.”
Chakwas nodded. “Just remember that we’re here for you, Shepard. To that end, I’m sleeping on your couch tonight. No arguments,” she said firmly when Shepard opened her mouth. “If there’s an emergency, EDI will let me know.”
EDI.
Shepard groaned. “I’ll never be able to look at her the same way again. Now that I know just what that body was up to before we got it.”
“Ah. Yes. James told me,” Chakwas replied. “You can’t possibly blame EDI, though. Not when you know for a fact that she had nothing to do with it.”
“I don’t, I just -“ Shepard buried her head in her hands. “It’s one of those stupid things, okay? It’s irrational, and it doesn’t do any good, but it’s still there.”
“I understand, Shepard,” Chakwas said softly. “For her sake, I hope that feeling fades. EDI deserves to be judged on her own merits, like the rest of us.”
“Yeah.” Shepard sighed and laid down on her bed, feeling her head start to swim a little. She’d really overdone it on the alcohol, but she couldn’t bring herself to regret it. Her only real regret was that drinking herself into oblivion wasn’t an option she could exercise every night.
- 6
- 7
- 8
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To Break a Hero