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Shore Leave	By : LuciferDragon Category: +M through R > Mass Effect Views: 8934 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the Mass Effect universe and I make no money from this story.

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
I was greeted in the morning by silence. Very still, dark silence. The only thing that broke the pattern was an occasional heavy breath coming from somewhere in the dark next to me. It was a rarity for him to still be asleep when I woke. He was usually up in the middle of my sleep cycle, though he had started the habit of slipping back in with me an hour before I would wake. The drug must have knocked him out, as it tended to do to some.
It wouldn't make him any heavier of a sleeper though.
I slipped out of bed carefully, flinching at every sound the mattress and the sheets made as I moved. Luckily, my massive lizard either remained blissfully unaware I had moved, or he was pretending.
Even if he was, I needed the time.
I pulled on my N7 sweater and zipped it. I left the room as quietly as possible. It took a second to grow accustomed to the increase of light from the city beyond my drawn shades. I padded down the stairs, still feeling like I was in a foreign place than my rightful home. Was it really a week ago that this place was full to capacity as we all tried to forget?
I stood in front of my coffee table. Nestled in an ashtray, half a joint from some point last night looked back at me. It was something for myself, since he wouldn't be able to draw on it. I picked it up and fell into a corner of my couch, pulling my legs up with me while I snagged the lighter in my shifting. It lit just as easily as a cigarette. I wanted to enjoy it while I could.
I shifted again to get more comfortable. I frowned at the sound of things hitting other things. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the pills I had received from Karin.
My high went to a low immediately.
Garrus hadn't been the only one running numbers. I'd been running them as well since the start of the damned recruitment missions and even months later, I didn't like our odds. More importantly, I didn't like my odds. I would not send my subordinates to do what I should be doing. I would not leave the whole galaxy in the same state as Torfan. I took another drag and tossed the bottle in my one-handed grip. When had it become this… bleak? When had I started to need sleeping aids just to calm the nightmares? When had I started to give a flying fuck if I came back or not?
When I looked up, I saw the answer leaning on the railing, just watching. With his bird-like eyes, it only made his concern and his own fear more evident.
We had both made changes we never thought to make in our lives. We had both only lived to serve, both in our militaries and in service to the Council. We had both come home to nothing for years. We had already accepted that if we died, we died for our cause.
When had that changed?
What we had was only started out of curiosity and pure attraction. The sex had been awkward. Good, but awkward. Mordin hadn't given only me advice on alien anatomy. But that was all it was supposed to be. It was a suicide mission. There was no future attached to our few hours before the Relay. It was what felt right at the time. And then when we came back, all alive despite the odds, the next few times were more in relief. In taking pleasure solely because it was something physical to remind us we survived. Maimed and scarred, yes, but the mission had ended well. When I was arrested, I was told through James Garrus had returned to Palaven. That he was needed for his newly discovered intellect about the Reapers.
It was then… Small then, but it had to have been. Where I missed him physically and intimately for some time. Then seeing him again on Menae… That night left my legs more sore than they had in months, both from forgetting the protective lotion for my skin and from being contorted in ways they hadn't been stretched in ages.
That was it. That was when the gravity of the mission started to hit me. When I realized I had a future.
That future came down the stairs and I took another drag, trying to drown my anxiety in my chest with smoke.
It was when he told me how he really felt all those months, that was when I realized I may not survive past the mission. That he might not. In that moment, I let myself be vulnerable for only him, and I have not regretted the choice since.
He took the remains of the joint from me and put it in the ashtray. "We'll have to leave soon," he rumbled while he sat on the other end of the couch. I couldn't help but seek out the natural crevices his body made, feeling his scales and plates shift under my touch.
"Going back means a lot of things come to an end," I muttered into his thick flesh. I rested my bare leg against his clothed one. "This ends."
"For now. It's not the end, Sweetheart. Not if I have a say in the matter. You ordered me to survive for you. Well, I'm ordering the same of you."
I let out a soft laugh. "You can't order your commanding officer around, Mr. Vakarian."
"No, but I can give my girlfriend an order every now and then, can't I?"
I nodded against his naked chest, resting my forehead to the crevice above his keelbone.
"Good." He took the pills still in my grasp and inspected the writing. "And for now, if you need these, use them. You have enough demons to worry about fighting." He brushed the hair from my face. "Nothing will end here for good. Even if something happens to this place, I promise, we'll have some sort of life on our own, away from missions for awhile."
I gave an amused hum. It did sound nice. "The Great Commander Shepard is never allowed to rest. If I save the galaxy from the Reapers, if I manage to pull it off, I'll be dragged into some new galactic tiff in a month."
"They can train another Great Commander Shepard."
"No arguments there. How many other soldiers have gone through the shit we have? How many are doing what I have to do?"
"You have the best charisma, I suppose."
"I threw a man out a window because he didn't have answers…"
"As I said, charisma." He patted my leg. "Get dressed. This isn't over for us. It's only just started."
I sat up, holding my weight on his uneven chest. "How long do turians… do what we're doing for?"
He frowned. "We do have courtship before officially claiming someone if that is what you mean. Our courtship can last as long as humans. Or as short. We can be polyamorous or monogamous. Even so, I want to see how far this goes." He touched my face lightly, letting me feel the dull claws. "Even if it means permanently slapping my family in the face for claiming a human."
"Isn't that what you've done though?"
"Oh, no. No, there's a difference even to us of what is claiming and what is playing. Now stop delaying the trek back."
I groaned and got up. "Fine. Wait, you're just as naked as I am. What are you rushing me for?"
"I wasn't the one on top of you, for once," he said with a grin. He stood with me and pulled me back to him. I felt his stiff lips press to my hair. "Whatever happens, good or bad, I love you."
I nodded, my gaze still held to his throat. "I love you, too." My equilibrium spun as I was tilted into his arms. "What the hell, Garrus?"
"Indulge me in something. Besides, you'd take too long to get up the stairs in your state."
I arched a brow but held on to his carapace and keelbone regardless. "What something is this?"
"Seeing if something feels right. I may need to know one day."
It took me halfway through his explanation for me to understand. I didn't want to bother telling him it typically counted only going through the front door. I laughed into the raised skin of his carapace. "Prince Charming, you are not."
"I don't try to be charming. Now seductive on the other hand…"
I felt a rumble course under my fingers. "Naughty boy, we don't have enough time."
He chuckled. "Of course. I can fantasize for a few hours." He dropped me on the bed and crawled over me. "It's more fun when we wait anyway."
The playful tone of his voice made some of the anxiety fade away. I couldn't stop a small smile from slipping. "How do you do it?"
His own smile faded to confusion. "Do what?"
"Make everything feel like it's alright."
He turned his intense blue eyes away for a moment. "I wish I knew. Could bottle it and make a fortune in these times."
I shoved at his shoulder as we both laughed. "Fine. Spoil the moment."
He chuckled. "Alright, I'll bite. Because right now, you are alright. Nothing can get you. Here, you're not a commander. You're not in control of anything but yourself. You can entrust someone else with that responsibility. Here, I protect you. You don't have to have your guard up. I have it for us both." He leaned up more. "More or less."
An amused huff left me. "More or less indeed." But he wasn't wrong. I was a normal person here. And he a normal turian. Stripped of rank, stripped of all that was important to the outside world, we were equals. And, in strength, he was the protector. I held on to his arms. "Let's get back to the damned ship. I want this over with."
"One last thing."
I met his gaze.
"I don't know if you know this, but we believe in spirits. Particularly those who have moved on from our world. They are our equivalent to God, I guess. When someone passes on, their spirit returns to the stream. Which is why I mention Spirits so much." He took a deep breath, but it wavered at the end. "If something happens to me, know this. My spirit will protect you through the rest of the mission. I'm with you until the end, bitter, sweet, or both."
I was for sure ruined for human men forever. "I think I can accept that."

As agreed, we both went our separate ways on board. I went to seek out Liara, just to talk. Her lock was red. It wasn't like her to have the lock on this far into the morning. I raised my knuckles to knock on the door.
I almost knocked on Javik's head as said door opened. "Javik? What are you doing here?"
He cleared his throat. "Doctor T'soni and I were… researching all last night."
From the quickly fastened bindings of his armor, researching was one word for it. I smirked. "I see."
"Shepard?"
I looked around Javik. Liara was coming towards us, making a berth around a scramble of papers containing what had to be hours of notes. I frowned. Maybe he had just taken the armor off for the hours they were working and nothing more had happened. The work on the floor told a story of too many hours of research to allow for wandering thoughts.
"Did you need me for something? Javik was just leaving to gather us tea to keep working."
I allowed Javik to pass and stepped into the room, feeling the door close behind me. "So, only research?" I arched a brow suggestively.
To my surprise, her cheeks flushed a bit. "Not that I'm not curious, but it is a professional relationship."
I grinned at that. "Garrus is my subordinate and he has no problems forgetting that when it comes to—"
"I've heard it before first-hand, thank you very much."
I pointed at her defensively. "That was your fault. You came up to my cabin without pinging me."
"To which I've learned my lesson." She sighed and seemed to deflate a bit. The circles under her eyes betrayed her weariness. She'd be no good on the field for a few days if she kept this up. When she was determined, she'd see it through to the end. "He's from an entirely different time, where the most intelligent beings of our era once ate flies. One does not simply initiate a request for intercourse with someone like that on a daily basis."
"You make it sound so formal." I leaned against the console in the corner, by Glyph. "Liara, we could die tomorrow. We could die in five minutes if a Reaper ship catches us. Do you really want to hold on to regrets?"
Her brow ridges narrowed. "Why are you pushing me to sleep with him?"
I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms. "Because the sexual tension between you two is suffocating the entire crew."
She sat amongst her notes, looking like she was busy. "I doubt it's that bad. I hardly notice it anymore."
"That's because you're being an idiot." I waited for her to look up at me. I kept my face neutral. "Do you know why I slept with a turian only before going into that Relay?" She shook her head. "Curiosity. I wanted to know before I died. Don't you?"
"I'm flattered, but I do not think of Garrus in that way." She smiled and let out a huff of amusement as I shifted to yell at her. "I see your point, Shepard. But what about putting this book together? Isn't that more important for us right now?"
"Not much point if readers won't be around long enough to read it." I sighed and moved my weight to my ankle so I could cross my legs beneath me, sitting in front of Liara. "Look. If you spend a few minutes, or hell, even a few hours, just enjoying what time we may have left… would it make you a horrible person?"
Her gaze fell to her papers again. "I suppose not."
"I mean, what's the worst that could happen? If it gets awkward, you can always hope he gets launched out an airlock."
She raised her knuckles to her lips as she laughed into her hand. "There is that." Her blue gaze raised to me again. "Alright. I'll see to it that some of that tension is relieved. Thank you for being a good friend. And for knowing when to deal with my stubborn self."
"In this line of work, you learn to deal with stubbornness. Either with a bullet, or antagonizing."
Her grin remained. "And there are still some who wonder why a woman such as yourself carries those scars."
"Not just for show." I winked and shifted back to my feet. "It doesn't take too long to make tea. I'll leave you two alone." I left her to her papers, looking around the corner to the kitchen as I walked past the wall. Sure enough, Garrus was talking to Javik while standing next to the dextro coffee maker. I left them to their discussion. Instead I went to my cabin. I was still drained from last night, and I only stayed vertical long enough to make it to the mattress. I looked up through the skylight, listening to the hum of the engines. Anxiety threaded through my chest. I curled my fingers against my shirt.
Fear was a valid emotion to have, I realized. It was a valuable asset. Fear reminds you there is danger. You can be hurt. You can die. Fear reminds you to protect those you love, to fear for their survival.
The fear of the lives of the remainder of the galaxy. That was what drove me.
That was what made me use my fear.
That fear… it kept me alive in the end.
- 6
- 7
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