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Evolving Feelings - Discovery II	By : Svein Category: +A through F > Bloody Roar Views: 1269 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Bloody Roar nor any of its characters, and I'm making no money off this fic.

Chapter List
- 1-Discovery II
- 2-Part 2
- 3-Part 3
- 4-Part 4
- 5-Part 5
- 6-Part 6
- 7-Part 7
- 8-Part 8
- 9-Part 9
- 10-Part 10
- 11-Part 11
- 12-Part 12
- 13-Epilogue
- 6
- 7
- 8
As the hot water fell on his shoulders, Yugo leaned on the wall with his arms and forehead, crying silently. He held himself in check until he was sure Kenji had left, then he broke down in sobs. He felt abused, violated. The scenes from the night before floated in his mind against his will. He hated himself for allowing that to happen. He hated Kenji for doing that to him. And he hated himself for having enjoyed it. He felt broken, miserable and guilty like he'd never felt before. Yugo screamed and punched the wall repeatedly, bruising his knuckles, but it did nothing to take the pain away. Then he scrubbed himself painfully hard, both as means of self-punishment and as an attempt to cleanse himself.
Eventually, Yugo had no more tears to cry; only then did he manage to get out of the shower and trudge towards the bed, however the pungent smell of Kenji's semen made him realize he didn't want to get even close to it. Forcing himself to overcome the feeling of disgust, Yugo took away the sheets, wrapped them inside a large plastic bag and tossed them on the garbage bin outside. Achieving this small victory seemed to have drained him of whatever energy he still had.
Upon returning to the apartment, Yugo flopped down lifelessly on the couch and waited hours for... nothing. There was nothing to wait for. He hadn't taken breakfast, but the hunger was nothing but a dull reminder, easily ignored. His cellphone rang twice; it was the gym's manager, but Yugo couldn't be bothered to pick it up. He hadn't called his clients or his trainer either. He was too ashamed to tell anyone what had happened, so he would have to come up with an excuse later. And yet, deep in his heart, he desperately needed someone to talk to. After a long moment of hesitation, he picked the phone and called the only person he wouldn't feel too embarrassed to tell the truth to: Dr. Murakami. She was Kenji's therapist, but Yugo felt that now he was the one in need of professional help. Besides, she was pretty much a family friend already.
A couple of hours later, the doorbell rang. As Yugo retold what had happened, he relived much of the anguish and started crying despite himself. Dr. Murakami had never expected to see Yugo crying – he was just so brash and self-reliant. Of course, she knew he must have cried rivers in his life (just like every other human being), she just didn't expect to actually see it happening before her eyes. Yugo seemed so fragile in that moment. Luckily, she didn't have any clients scheduled for that particular evening.
The feelings of anger and betrayal were the first to surface, easily identifiable. Next came the feelings of shame and self-blame for having drunk himself into a near-stupor and allowing that to happen. At this point, Yugo would have fallen into an endless cycle of bitter repetition, but the therapist gently prodded him to plunge deeper – then came the shame of having had an incestual relation with his own brother, even if it had been non-consensual. At this point, Dr. Murakami's bullshit alarm started to buzz in her head. She knew Yugo had had no choice in the matter, but there were at least three very different kinds of shame there.
Taking into account Yugo's delicate emotional state, she decided not to delve any further and just helped him to reconcile with the simpler feelings and accept that he didn't need to punish himself because of a situation he had no control over and no way of predicting. She knew Yugo would still blame himself for a while, but at least the suffering had been lessened. He was still feeling betrayed and ashamed, but there was little the therapist could do on that end – either he would have to discuss those feelings with Kenji, or it would take a long time for him to forgive the boy.
"I think we've progressed as much as we could today. How are you feeling?" The therapist asked.
"Thanks doc, I'm feeling a bit better," Yugo answered with puffy eyes and a hoarse voice.
"Good, I'll be back tomorrow evening. I'll call you after I check my schedule, is that alright?"
"Doc, I'm not sure I have the money to pay you," he admitted embarrassed.
"And you think I didn't know that?" She teased. "Look, I'm not doing this for the money."
"But..." he started, but she cut him with a "shush".
"Well, if you really insist, I guess I could use a personal trainer."
"Sounds like a deal," Yugo agreed, managing a weak smile. That he could even do that was a testament to his resiliency.
"Okay, I have to go, but I must advise you to avoid Kenji for some time," she said professionally.
"Yeah, right now I don't think I could look at him without wanting to split his face in half."
"Where is he, by the way?"
"He sent a message earlier saying he'd spend a couple of nights at Uriko's."
"Alright, perfect." Doctor Murakami said with more confidence than she felt.
The therapist dropped by the next day and every other day, slowly helping Yugo to fully regain his footing and come to terms with his pains. It took three days for him to gather the courage to stop sleeping on the couch and start using the bed again. Yugo thought he would be disgusted, but instead found he missed Kenji's presence. After nearly a week, Kenji still hadn't returned, which got both of them worried. Despite what had happened, Yugo still loved his brother and was even willing to forgive him.
It wasn't until Saturday that Doctor Murakami considered it a good time to touch one of the subjects that had been bothering her since their first session:
"So, Yugo... you told me Kenji just wanted a quick fix, right?"
"Well, yeah, that's what I think."
"But don't you find that strange?" She asked with an intrigued look.
"What do you mean?" Yugo demanded.
"He is so cautious and calculating... I just can't imagine him doing that without a good reason."
"He probably just thought I wouldn't remember a thing come morning," Yugo said with spite, casting an annoyed glance at nothing in particular.
"Hm. Be that as it may, I still can't see him taking the risk. And, besides, if that was the case, why did he sleep naked next to you? This is just too strange."
Yugo scratched his head. "I guess... When you put it like that, it really seems weird as fuck. Kenji doesn't screw up like that."
"Well," the therapist started, "I must confess I didn't even suspect Kenji was gay. It's been a while since any issues came up, so I haven't been able to keep up with his development. Do you know of any recent happenings in his life that might be somehow related to his sexuality?"
Yugo was reluctant at first, but then proceeded to tell her about the day the damned ex-boyfriend and the trouble their breaking up had caused at school.
"Do you know why they broke up?"
Yugo shook his head negatively, and Doctor Murakami sighed.
"Well, alright, just tell me if you find out anything."
"Okay."
- 6
- 7
- 8
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Evolving Feelings - Discovery II