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Crowded Elevator	By : insantics Category: Kingdom Hearts > Slash/Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 5579 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 7
- 8
A/N: Here you guys have waited like a year for this update and I give you this load of... stuff. I'm not sure what to think of it. I don't know if I'm satisfied, but I really wanted to update this story, and, well... here you go. I promise the next update won't take me nearly a year to do.
Crowded Elevator: 8
Hayner was mechanical, on autopilot as he walked through his apartment, making his way to his bathroom. He peeled off his shirt, throwing it carelessly to the floor before his hands found and fumbled with the button to his pants.
The quickly drying evidence of his time spent in Seifer's bedroom made his boxers sticky as he stripped, a reminder of everything that had just happened.
The cold of the shower knob against his heated palm didn't register in his mind as he collapsed against the side of the tub.
Fuck.
The sound of the running water roared in his ears as a scream readied itself in his throat. He swallowed forcefully, focusing his mind on the physical act of standing if only to distract his mind from the multitude of horrors threatening to overtake him.
Finally on his feet, he took a moment to steady himself on the sink counter before glancing up and catching his reflection in the mirror.
“I don't want you, I don't want you, I don't want you.”
Hayner's eyes shut tightly as he gripped the edge of the counter, swaying with the effort of pushing his thoughts away.
He would not break.
He pushed off of the counter, turning back to the shower and pulling on the lever to push the water from the nozzle of the tub out through the shower head. He stepped into lukewarm water, letting it wash over him with its gentle caress. The water soothed his exhausted body, and his mind locked down.
The motions of the shower were simple; Hayner washed his face, hair, and body slowly, taking his time and not allowing his mind to wander. He watched as the soapy bubbles rushed off his body and down the drain, taking with them all the dirt, all the sickness.
He shut off the water, and stepped out, naked and dripping wet, standing still for a moment, staring at the condensation that had gathered on his mirror.
'I can't... I can't do this...'
And a memory slipped out.
“No, I do know you. You're not like this, you're stronger than this. That whole thing is fucked up, and you hate it.”
Hayner crumpled to the ground, catching himself on his hands, digging his fingernails into his palms as he closed his fists.
“How could I not hate this! You fucking prick, you fucking ass!” he whispered furiously.
Half of this shit was Seifer's fault anyway! If he would just leave him alone, leave him to deal with his own fucking issues, then things would be so much easier! That idiot claimed to like him, want to be with him, whatever the fuck else... Just... Just.... Why?!
Couldn't he see that all Hayner wanted, needed, was to be left alone? He had to overcome this by himself; this was his life, his problem. He didn't need to be saved, much less by someone who couldn't hope to fucking understand anything about this situation.
And who gives a blow job to comfort someone? That was so fucked! Seifer was just taking advantage of the fact that Hayner was vulnerable.
'Fuck, vulnerable? What is this bullshit?!'
'Don't lie to yourself. You were begging for it.'
Hayner panted on the floor of the shower, water running down his face as he clenched his eyes shut.
'Make it stop. Please, make it stop. I don't want to do this anymore. I can't do this. I can't do this.'
The pain was overwhelming. This ache, this disconnection from reality was startling and it hurt. Nothing seemed real. This day had been so fucking long, so tiring, and all Hayner wanted to do was sleep for a week, wake up, and pretend that none of this had happened.
He picked himself up, turned off the shower, and didn't bother to towel off before he crashed into his bed, naked and wet, buckling under the pain and exhaustion.
Hayner was fading in and out of consciousness, eyes cracking open every now and then to see a blurry semblance of the world around him before closing again. He registered the vague sound of groans, but there was no latching onto any sort of reality other than the dreamless sleep and blissful blankness of his state of mind.
There was some sort of tapping, but he could barely discern it.
Knocking.
“Hayner, c'mon, answer the door. We... need to talk.”
Hayner couldn't form words, even as the door gently opened, light pouring into his dark room.
There was a sudden weight next to him, and Hayner shifted in his fitful half-sleeping state.
“Hayner. Hayner, wake up.”
He let out a groan.
“Hayner, you've been asleep for over twenty-four hours. You need to wake up and eat something.”
He rolled over, opening his eyes to see his father's tired face above him. There were circles under the blue eyes gazing down softly at him, and his father looked so old and fragile in that moment that Hayner forced himself to wake up and listen.
He hunched his form as he sat up, bringing his knees to his chest and looking anywhere but at that face which suddenly bore no resemblance to his father. He made sure he covered his nakedness with his blanket.
“Dad... I...” Hayner's eyes darted around as he furrowed his brow, his expression becoming distressed. “What's going to happen to her?”
His father sighed, running a hand through his hair, placing the other hand on his son's bent knee.
“The doctors said that some intensive therapy will be required along with the medication they've started her on. The psychosis has died down, but her mind...” his father took a shaky breath. “She's not who she was anymore, Hayner.”
The blond boy nodded, his hand clutching his dad's, and before he could stop them, tears were prickling up behind his eyes.
“I can't do this,” he whispered hopelessly, a short, rough sob choking him. “I can't do this anymore, dad. I just want... I want...”
His father squeezed Hayner's knee.
“I know. But we have to be strong, Hayner. We've got to get through this. I love you, and you've got me here, always.”
“Strong?” Hayner coughed. “There isn't enough of anything in the whole damn world to make me strong enough for all this,” he turned his eyes on his father. “She doesn't want me. She doesn't love me. I'm her fucking son, and she doesn't want me!”
Strong arms came around Hayner, and he clutched at the warmth, desperate for anything to soothe away this horror storm in his mind.
“Shh, it's okay. Just let it out. I know it's hard, god, I know, but it'll be okay, everything will be alright...”
Hayner couldn't bring himself to believe any of those words, especially as he felt wetness against his neck, but he nodded into his father's chest, hoping, praying to anything out there that would listen, that this would all really be okay in the end.
He cried so hard that he couldn't breathe. All the anguish, all the pain, all the hurt and bruised emotion came flooding out, but it did nothing to lessen the angry swirl of thought that plagued his mind. What would happen to him? How the fuck was he going to get through this? No one who knew him, really knew him would ever want him.
His mom was right. He was tainted, he was broken, and no one wanted a broken person. No one wanted this flawed piece of worthless existence. There was nothing redeeming about him, not one damn thing.The only person who gave a damn was his dad, and he didn't know all the horrible things that Hayner had done. Hell, if his dad knew that only... How long had it been? A day? Hayner had gotten a blow job from someone he didn't even like only the other day. He'd let someone touch him, fuck him, and he didn't even know that person.
He only cried harder, gasps escaping his throat as he struggled for air.
Who would want him? Seifer didn't even know him. He couldn't want Hayner.
No one could want Hayner.
But Seifer knew everything, Seifer had been there, and he still insisted that he desired to be by Hayner's side...
Lies. All of it was fucking lies!
His father held him tighter.
Hayner's mind shut down. There was no more thought, only feeling. And god, did he ever feel. Too much, too much! No more, please, no more...
Hayner hadn't been to school for two days after he woke up, making his absence four days. He and his dad took a break from school and work, respectively, and had spent the last few days together, doing anything to try and distract themselves from what had happened. They took walks through the streets, talking about nothing, cooked and ate meals together, and avoided other people.
Despite this apparent “rest period,” both of them had slept very little the past few nights, lying awake and staring at the ceilings in their separate bedrooms.
But his dad eventually had to go back to work.
And Hayner had to go back to school.
Pence had called and left a message, and so had Olette. They were both worried, but Hayner wasn't ready to talk yet.
Maybe he never would be.
He walked the ever-familiar path down toward the elevator, his backpack slung carelessly over his shoulders. He didn't even want to think about all the fucking work he would have to make up for his absence, and he really didn't feel like dealing with people and their questions.
'You're running away again.'
Fuck! It's not like he didn't fucking know that he was avoiding everything, but god, give him a break! All this had been hell on him, and it should be enough that he could get himself out of bed and to school. He didn't want to relive all this nightmarish bullshit by trying to explain what had happened.
But at the same time, it was now more than ever that he needed his friends. He knew it, but... how could he face them? How could he face anybody? He didn't even feel like the same person anymore.
“So where have you been hiding the last few days, chicken-wuss?”
'You have got to be fucking kidding me.'
Hayner shut his eyes and resisted the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose. Instant irritation flared up, and he could feel himself growing hot.
Seifer raised an eyebrow as Hayner turned to face him, eyes narrowed.
“What do you care, anyway?” Hayner snapped.
Seifer just rolled his eyes. “We're back to this again? Un-fucking-believable. I thought maybe it had gotten through your idiot brain by now.”
Hayner stiffened.
“Exactly what am I supposed to be 'getting through my idiot brain?' All I have to clue me in is the bullshit you've been feeding me for the last few weeks. All this crap about 'oooh, I like you' is getting really old. You don't know shit, you don't know me, you could never know me!”
By now Hayner's breath was coming faster, and he could feel his heart pounding as the rage that had been simmering beneath the surface over the last few days threatened to overflow. But it didn't look like Seifer was going to back down.
Who was he kidding? When did Seifer ever back the fuck down?
Blue eyes narrowed.
“None of it is bullshit. I've been honest with you from the start, and all you've done is avoid me and bitch me out. You assume I don't know anything? Ha. Maybe you're the one who doesn't know shit. But then again, you've never bothered to give a damn about anyone but yourself, so I guess it makes sense that you wouldn't try to listen.”
When Seifer made to move past him, Hayner grabbed his arm and whirled the larger boy around to face him, snarling in his face.
“How the fuck would you know what I care about, huh?! And listen? Listen? Anything you have to say isn't worth it, because it's all lies!” Hayner's grip tightened on Seifer's arm as his tone suddenly became desperate. “And don't even try to deny it. You don't want me, you just want some little fuck toy.”
Hayner found himself slammed up against the wall, a furious gaze burning into him.
“Lies? Fuck toy? Do you honestly think I would do any of that shit with you if I didn't want you? Is that what you think?”
Hayner blinked, taken aback, before regaining his anger.
“Of course it is!” he shot back.
Seifer released him, and turned away. He stopped for a moment, hesitating.
“You have no idea what you're doing, do you?”
Seifer's voice was quiet and low, and his words left Hayner confused. The bastard never made any sense!
“What am I doing?!” Hayner screamed, not caring that it was seven in the morning and that they were still outside other people's apartments.
Seifer turned, and Hayner noticed that the other boy was breathing harder than usual, though his voice remained relatively calm.
“You're fucking with me,” he started, his eyes locked on Hayner's face, “And fuck me if I keep trying anyway.”
With that, Seifer headed to the steps. Hayner watched him start to descend, stunned.
Wait a minute, who was fucking with who here? Hayner turned and stormed toward the elevator, smashing his finger into the down button, trying to calm down as he processed what had just happened.
'What the hell does he mean I'm fucking with him? Looking at all the shit he's pulled on me!'
But then again, Seifer was actually being honest, or so he claimed. Hayner had barely admitted to himself that he might feel something for the asshole.
'No, there's no fucking feeling,' Hayner thought, shaking his head and sighing as he walked into the elevator. 'He's just an outlet. There isn't anything else.'
So why was it so easy for the other boy to rile Hayner up? Why did Seifer affect him so much? Why did he let Seifer touch him? Why was he so desperate for the other boy's attention that he'd found himself missing it those few days after that first time they'd made out in the elevator?
“Fuck,” he whispered as questions raced through his mind.
He couldn't... could he?
'You're running away again. Coward.'
The voice in his mind was loud and booming. This was going to be another messed up day, he could just feel it. Couldn't things just be normal for once?
Pence and Olette were both waiting at his locker when he arrive, both greeting him with a worried smile as he walked up. He didn't know why, but Hayner suddenly felt like his nerves were on edge. They were just his friends, dammit! They wouldn't bug him about anything if he asked them not to!
“Hey,” he said shakily, trembling hands fumbling with his locker combination as he plastered a smile on his face. “What's up?”
Olette glanced at Pence before placing a hand on Hayner's shoulder.
“Look... I know... I know you probably don't want to talk about it, because from the way you've been absent, things probably didn't go well with...” Olette shook her head. “Anyway, I just want you to know that we're here. For whatever you need.”
Pence nodded, leaning up against the lockers.
“Yeah, man. We know you're probably going through a lot, and, well... I don't know. But we're you're friends, y'know?” Pence gave a cheesy smile. “We're not going anywhere.”
Hayner let out a relieved laugh, which came out sounding like a half-sob. He touched Olette's hand briefly and nudged Pence in the side.
“C'mon guys, don't get all mushy on me first thing in the morning! You're gonna make me sick, here...”
Olette whacked him on the back of the head, giving him a light smile, and Pence just laughed.
“But thanks guys. I... it means a lot.” Hayner said, feeling somewhat lame. His friends were so awesome. “So, what all did I miss?”
Pence groaned. “We got assigned some crappy research paper for Lit, and god help us all in math. Talk about total screwage.”
Olette laughed. “Maybe if you'd actually pay attention instead of snoring through class, you'd be able to get through it!”
They settled into an easy conversation until the warning bell rang for homeroom, each headed off toward their designated classroom. He'd see Pence in ten minutes in first period anyway.
He was barely paying attention to the droning teacher when a wad of paper suddenly landed on his desk.
Hey man, about Seifer. I gotta admit that I was kinda pissed when I heard you and Olette talking about it, because I'm supposed to be your friend too. You shouldn't feel like you've gotta hide shit like that from me, you know? I mean, it's a little weird, but after all we've been through, none of that's gonna scare me off. I dunno, just tell me stuff next time, k?
Hayner blinked down at the paper. Pence had felt left out? What?
Sorry dude, I just figured you wouldn't want to hear about all the crap with him. I'll talk to both you guys about it from now on.I wish there wouldn't be more to talk about though. I'm so fucking sick of it.
Anything else happen?
Hayner hesitated, but then decided that if he was going to be honest, he might as well start now.
He saw me having a break down and we did some stuff. Then we got in a fight this morning, and he's not making any sense, like usual.
Stuff?
Like... hooking up stuff.
Dude, why are you still hooking up with him? I thought you didn't like the prick.
I don't know. I was freaking out, I guess.
You gotta make up your mind, man. You like him or you don't. You gotta quit stringing him along.
I'm not fucking stringing him along! He's just messing with me! I don't even get how he could really like me. He doesn't even know me.
...Ever heard the phrase “know thy enemy?”
Fuck you, man.
Look, I've been talking to Olette, and odds are Seifer is for real about this shit. You gotta make a decision, man. I know you've got shit going on, but if you'd figure this out it'd make life a lot easier for you.
Alright, alright. I'll think about it some more. It's not like I haven't been thinking about it every fucking day or anything.
Geeze, dude, calm down. You look like you're gonna explode. Okay, I'll back off, but just think about it.
Hayner glared down at the piece of paper before shoving it in his bag. Pence was on Seifer's side now? What was the world coming to?
And just how was Hayner stringing Seifer along? All he'd done was sleep with him, and he'd been clear about how he felt... But he continued to do things with him... And...
Fuck.
If Seifer really did like him, then it was true that Hayner was the one being a total dick. But, shit, give him a break! How exactly was he supposed to take this drastic fucking change in their relationship, with a smile and an “okay, let's date?”
He grimaced. He couldn't imagine going on a date with Seifer. Or being in a relationship. All they'd do would be fuck and fight. Hayner didn't want that.
But he wouldn't know unless he gave it a shot, right?
Hayner shook his head at the thought. No, fuck that.
He sighed.
Dammit all, what did he want from Seifer?
The rest of the day was uneventful, and Hayner didn't see the blond bully once. He was damn grateful for it, too.
He had a massive amount of work to do just to catch up, and he was not looking forward to it. He skipped out on his work for a little while after school, grabbing some sea salt ice cream with Olette and just hanging out for a bit before heading home.
He was surprised at how well the day had gone, really. He'd been expecting a lot worse.
The next morning, he only glimpsed Seifer as the elevator doors closed behind him, but when Hayner got off the elevator, he saw that Seifer was actually leaning up against a wall, waiting for him.
“Walk with me,” was all he said.
Hayner was instantly on guard, not knowing what to expect.
“Why should I?” he asked snidely.
Seifer sighed.
“Is it so weird to want to fucking talk to you?”
“Yeah, actually, it is.”
Seifer yanked his backpack further up his shoulders.
“Are you okay after your little freak out the other day?”
Hayner stiffened.
“I'm fine,” he bit out. Seifer gave him a sidelong glance.
“No you're not. You weren't at school for four days.”
“What are you, my guardian?”
Seifer snorted, smirking. “Guess you could say that.”
Hayner frowned.
“Why the hell do you think you're some kind of authority on me? It's not like I need you to watch my back.”
“Look, I don't care what you think. You need help. Just take it,” Seifer said.
“I don't need your help,” Hayner said caustically.
Seifer stopped walking, his hand reaching out and tugging Hayner's arm so that the other boy stopped with him.
“You're so emotionally fucked it's not even funny. You get pissed when something happens that you don't get. You can't even handle the smallest challenge without freaking the fuck out. So don't sit there and tell me you don't need my help.”
Hayner snorted.
“Like you should talk. I'm emotionally fucked? You're the one who seems to think everything is solved with a blow job.”
Hayner knew as soon as the words were out of his mouth that it was the wrong thing to say, especially since the memories of that experience were rushing back, making him blush.
“Fuck you, Aldaine,” Seifer growled. “I saved your ass that day. Don't talk to me like you'd be better off alone when we both know that if I'd left you, you'd be twice as much of a wreck right now.”
Hayner's pride erupted into rage.
“How many times do I have to tell you that I don't need your fucking help! Just leave me alone, already! God!”
Hayner began storming away as Seifer just stood behind him, watching him.
“No. I'm not gonna just leave you alone.”
Hayner turned around, glaring.
“And why the fuck not?!”
Seifer gazed at him coolly.
“Because, like it or not, you want me too. You need me. So think what you want, but in the end, it all comes back to that.”
“You're so fucking conceited!” Hayner growled out.
“Maybe. But I'm also right.” Seifer walked up to Hayner, taking his chin in his hand, meeting Hayner's glare fearlessly before brushing the other boy's lips with his.
Hayner yanked back, blushing and spitting mad.
“What are you doing?!” he hissed. “We're in public, you moron!”
Seifer shook his head.
“Like that matters,” he said, before leaning in for another kiss.
Hayner shoved him away roughly. Dammit, isn't this exactly how it would always go?
“See, look! All we ever do is fucking fight or... or fuck. What the hell kind of relationship would that be?”
Seifer shrugged.
“It'd be us,” he said, before smirking. “It's like I said before, you don't want to be coddled. You need someone like me. You like the way we are.”
Hayner turned again, picking up his pace as he walked. When he glanced behind him, he saw that Seifer hadn't moved.
“What, no comeback, Hay-Hay? Just admit I'm right.”
Hayner continued walking.
“Fuck off,” he muttered half-heartedly, distracted.
There was no way Seifer could be right about any of this. No fucking way.
He walked the rest of the way to school alone, lost in his thoughts.
- 7
- 8
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Crowded Elevator