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Pinzu vs The Pussy (A 100% Orange Juice Adventure)	By : Boo-Sama Category: -Misc Video Games/RPGs > AU - Alternate Universe Views: 2724 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This fanfiction is based on the characters and fandom of 100% Orange Juice. I do not own 100% Orange Juice, nor do I make a profit from this story.

Chapter List
- 7
- 8
- 9
At about roughly midnight, Nanako had finally reached OJHQ to pick up Suguri and Hime, parking her car outside the large building, and giving them a quick call to let them know she was outside. Granted, Nanako didn’t need a car, and she would have prefered to just fly here, but after yelling at some OJHQ robo-ball over the phone for about an hour after herding Kae home, she learned that apparently the two were so critically injured, they had to be hit with some sort of ray gun in order to prevent their deaths, and due to the fast nature at which it healed them, they would be unable to fly for at least a day. Nanako wasn’t strong enough to carry both of them, and Kae was too tired from Nanako calming her down that she needed to rest, so taking the car seemed like the best way to go about picking the two up.

After waiting a few minutes for them to get outside, Nanako watched as Suguri and Hime walked out of the- oh for fucks sake.

“HIME.” Nanako screamed, rolling down the window of her car. “WHY ARE YOU IN A WHEELCHAIR!?!?”

“NoName asked if I needed one and I said yes!” Hime replied, somewhat offended by Nanako’s tone.

“Do you actually need the wheelchair?”

“Yes! Yes I do, Nanako!”

“... Stand up for a moment.” Nanako asked Hime. Hime then stood up out of the wheelchair with no issue. “Okay so you don’t need the wheelchair.”

“Yes I do Nanako!”

“WHY!? YOU CAN WALK FINE!!!”

“THEY’RE FUN TO ROLL AROUND IN AND WE DON’T HAVE ONE AT HOME!!! It’s not lying if we actually NEED one!”

“BUT WE DON’T NEED ONE, WE CAN FLY!!!”

“EVERYONE SHOULD OWN A WHEELCHAIR, NANAKO!”

“Jesus Christ, just fold up the wheelchair and get the fuck in the car.” Spooked, Hime and Suguri quickly folded up the wheelchair, put it in the trunk, and got into the back seats of the car so they could sit next to each other.

…

There was a long silence in the car ride home. It didn’t help that Suguri’s home was 3 fucking hours away from OJHQ, meaning everyone was locked in here with a quite potentially volatile Nanako, who could more than likely blow up at Suguri and Hime at any moment now.

Suguri was smart enough to know to just keep her mouth shut until Nanako spoke up, or at least until they got home. However, Hime was far less patient, and decided to break the ice so as to not sit in verbal isolation for the next few hours.

“Oh! If you’re driving, does that mean you’re wearing those cute little disco-esque shoes that help you reach the pedal-” mistakes were made.

“SHUT UP.” Nanako very violently snapped at Hime, both embarrassed by the fact she had to wear her cute little disco boot shoes in order to drive due to her 11 year old body, and infuriated that Hime decided to pick on her for it. At least, in her perspective she was.

“S-sorry!” Hime quickly began apologizing, “It’s just… You have a cute little waddle when you walk in the-”

“You outrageous cunt- THANK YOU FOR MAKING FUN OF MY DISABILITY YET AGAIN, BITCH. Please, also go on about how I look like a fucking boy while you’re at it!!!”

“HEY!!!” Suguri barked. “DO NOT CALL HER A BITCH!!! She was ju-”

“Just what!? Making fun of me!?”

“I didn’t mean to-”

“SHUT UP!!!” Nanako turned to Hime as she demanded her to quiet down, allowing Hime to, for a brief moment see the shoulder of her suit, a bit of it’s fabric loosely hanging on by a few threads.

“Y-your suit!” Hime acknowledged, pointing to it as Nanako turned away from her to focus on the road again. “What happened to it?”

“Oh that?” Nanako snarked slightly. “Kae roughed it up a bit when I was trying to calm her down. See, she had an emotional breakdown when she heard you two were in the hospital, and I needed to calm her down a bit. I was able to get her calm enough to not destroy another historical landmark, but we did need to have a fight in order to get her heat back to a stable amount.”

“Play fight or fight fight?” Suguri asked.

“Play fight, she just needed to vent.”

“Okay good.” Suguri let out a small sigh of relief. “Good, I’m… I’m glad our screw up didn’t impact you two’s relation-”

“LIKE YOU TWO ARE FUCKING HELPING!!!” Nanako snapped once more. “Jesus, DO EITHER OF YOU KNOW HOW EASILY PREVENTABLE THIS ALL WAS!?!? WHAT THE FUCK WERE EITHER OF YOU DOING AT JCPENNY IN THE FIRST PLACE!?!? YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE LOOKING FOR SAKI!!!”

“We found a baby!” Hime objected. “We found a baby while we were on the hunt, and we had to get it proper clothing!!! To simply leave it there was simply out of the question!” Nanako took a sharp turn into the parking lot of a Popeyes, turned around, and started staring daggers into Hime’s mechanical soul.

“A baby?” Hime’s heart doki’ed at an intense rate in response to Nanako’s gaze of death.

“Y-yeah…. A-an abandoned baby.”

“Okay… I’ll bite... Where the fuck did you find an abandoned baby?”...Aaaaaaah, shit, she couldn’t answer that. Not because the concept of adopting a baby from a baby tree on an island mostly inhabited by failed science experiments was outlandishly stupid sounding, Nanako knew very well someone like Kiriko was capable of making something like that. The problem was that, as far as Nanako, Kae, and Saki knew, Kiriko, and by extension Kyoko, were government scientists working for OJHQ now. Not in the same big building NoName was the head of, but a different one, one entirely unrelated to the sky needle Kiriko actually lived in. As far as they knew, Kyoko just hasn’t written them any letters or emailed them any messages cause she’s doing super top secret things. Neither Hime nor Suguri knew how to deliver the news that Kyoko was… Well, nobody knows what she was now. She just, one day, vanished, and nobody has heard anything from her since. The only reason Hime and Suguri knew this was because, after a year of silence from Kyoko, they lost patience in waiting for her to send them a message, and tracked her down to Kiriko’s tower, only to be greeted with an emotionally distraught Kiriko inside who had even less of an idea what happened to her than they did…

They didn’t say anything about the incident to anyone, covering their tracks on the whole situation, claiming they just went out dancing the night they heard the news. It was hard enough for everyone when Kyoko left the family, it would destroy them knowing she wasn’t even around anymore… Hime didn’t like to think of the implications of her disappearance, she just accepted it happened and………

“I'm waiting.” Nanako said again, waking up Hime from her deep thought.

“We….. Uh-”

“What little trail we found led us to a park and there was a baby abandoned in some bushes.” Suguri finally spoke up, bailing Hime out. “Hime found it, we didn’t know what do with it, and we couldn’t just leave it there, so we went to the JCpenny to get it some clothing, and after we did, drop it off at the house so we could start looking for Saki again.”

“So you were just gonna dump a baby on us?”

“I mean only for a day or two! Once we were back, IDEALLY with Saki, we’d take it to an orphanage or put posters up if it were missing, or I don’t know, it doesn’t matter, it didn’t happen-”

“Well where is it now?”

“I DON’T KNOW!!! I think the OJHQ people took it or something, I don’t know where it is now!!!”

“They don’t have the right to take something like that! Where the HELL is this fucking baby!?-”

“WHO WANTS FRIED CHICKEN!?” Hime suddenly blurted out, her discomfort in this scenario becoming far too overwhelming. “I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT I AM FAMISHED.”

“Hime you don’t eat.” Nanako corrected.

“WELL I CAN EAT AS A SECONDARY FUEL SOURCE AND EATING IS FUN SO I THINK IT’D BE BEST IF WE ALL SAT DOWN AND HAD A NICE MEAL TO CELEBRATE THE FACT ME AND SUGURI WERE ASSAULTED IN A JCPENNY BY SOME MANIAC CASHIER AND NEITHER OF US ARE DEAD HOW ABOUT IT GOOD COME ON LET'S GO.” Hime then left the vehicle, dragging Suguri out of the seat she had exited from, and approached the driver’s seat Nanako was preoccupying.

“HEY-HEY, I’M NOT LEAVING THE CAR WITH THESE FUCKING SHOES ON, IT’S-”

“WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE NANAKO!?” Hime asked. Nanako stuttered in response, unsure of what to say.

“U-uh three piece mild with- WAIT, DON’T-”

“EXCELLENT CHOICE C’MON SUGURI LET’S GO GET CHICKEN WE’LL GET KAE A 5 PIECE SPICY WHILE WE’RE AT IT BYYYYYYYYYYE.” Hime then sprinted into the Popeyes, practically dragging Suguri behind her, who had no idea what was going on. In turn, Nanako watched as the two scampered into the Popeyes to get some fresh fast food… God dammit, they keep doing this shit. Never taking the fall for what they did, and just… Bailing…. Nanako rested her head lightly on the wheel of her car, and closed her eyes for a bit while the two degenerates got their fucking chicken.

***

After a long adventure of having been forced to perform social interactions far out of his normal job jurisdiction, it was finally time for Cuddles to come home to Krila. He had a briefcase in his large, non-existent hand, and his usual tiny sailor hat was replaced by a cool bowler hat, ‘cause those look cool. He knocked on Krila’s door, and it opened up. It was Young Krila in a 70’s diner dress, pigtails, and she was roughly as tall as Cuddles, spite her only being 7. She dropped the pie she had just baked, and put her hands over her mouth.

“Cuddles home.” Constable Cuddles said. Young Krila opened her mouth.

“Oh… Oh lordy…. Cuddles! I’m…. I’m so sorry, I never meant to-”

“It don’t matter to Cuddles…. He back, and he knows….” His eyes welled up with flaming tears. “Cuddles know Krila…. Still love him.” He attempted to hug Young Krila, however, she simply shoved him off. Cuddles was confused.

“T… That’s not what I…” She didn’t have to finish. Before Cuddles could ask what the fuck was up, someone from inside the house walked up and stood next to Krila.

“.... Who this?” Cuddles asked, slightly trembling at the person’s handsome physic.

“Who da fuck is this honkey ass prick, Krils? He dun look like nobody I ever seen, fo sho, nigga! Fo rizzle!!!” Said Krila’s lion plush… Well, its head slapped atop the body of a ripped man in a snazzy business suit. Krila looked back at Cuddles sadly.

“I’m….. I’ma sorry Cuddles…. When you were gone… I HAD TO MOVE ON!!!!” She said dramatically. Cuddles dropped his suitcase, and fell to his knees.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” Cuddles screamed, waking from his nightmare. He looked around… He was still here. He breathed in, and then out, happy the dream was over… Though he realized there was light for some reason, spite him turning the lights off in his room… unfurnished garden arena… Okay, there were lights at some point, but then there weren’t and now there are, okay? Shut up. To his surprise, the door to the Plant Arena was open, and someone’s silhouette stood there. “What…… Why here?” He asked. The person said nothing, and rolled a pin-pulled maraca shaped grenade towards him.

“.... Bastard-” He finished, just before detonation.

***

Kai stumbled into his room, pissed, and needing to take a piss. He’d been roaming the halls of this god damned hellhole for almost an hour now looking for a fucking bathroom, but to his incredible dismay, there didn’t seem to be any, least not that he could see… Which, actually, wasn’t saying much, since he was blind as a fucking bat without his glasses, which may sound like an oxymoron since bats aren’t actually blind, but they have worse vision- you get the idea. By some fucking miracle, however, he was able to piece together where his room was, which hopefully had a bathroom in it….. And right next to his room was a god damned noisy ice machine- ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? WHAT THE FUCK DOES KIRIKO NEED WITH AN ICE MACHINE HERE!?!?... Whatever, he can kill himself over the noise later… Maybe also after killing his dick a bit….. Okay, shut up, it’s been like 4 days since he last masturbated, he needed some fucking relief, especially after this craphole of a day. Either way, his piss comes first.

As he had hoped, his room did have a fucking bathroom, thank god. He kicked the door to the bathroom open, unzipped his trousers with his left hand, fished out his wang with his right ha-

“FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK-” Screamed Kai as he somehow singed his dick. He pulled his hand out of his pants and stared at his red right hand. The hand was smoking, and seemed to be emitting embers. Kai’s heart suddenly sank, thinking his hand was malfunctioning and about to explode, but as he did that, the hand stopped smoking… Kai then got angry that Kiriko might have done what he thought she had done to him, and as he expected, the hand ignited. Kiriko had given Kai a pyromancy hand fueled by anger without permission. Thankfully, the flames didn’t burn his hand, since it was built to be immune to fire, but still, this was going to be a pain in the ass to live with, at least at first. He drenched his hand in water to extinguish, it since he didn’t have the fucking time to calm himself down, whipped his dick out with his left hand to make sure he wouldn’t burn it again, and finally took that piss in the toilet. It felt as if a large burden was lifted from his very soul as liquid gold escaped from his burnt penis.

With that out of the way, Kai jumped onto his bed and checked the end table for something to read/jack off to in order to take his mind off this nightmare of a series of days. In the end table was a pair of glasses and…… He put on the glasses….. It was his exact brand, and he could see perfectly with them on, nay, He could see better than before… Why would Kiriko have a pair of glasses that would match his eyesight in a pre-existing room?... He didn’t let it bother him, this is Kiriko after all, she’s always doing weird stuff for no fucking reason. She probably just made rooms for everyone with their stuff already in it to save time, or as a pet project, or whatever, it didn’t matter. Besides the glasses, there was a Scientifically-Accurate Atheism Bible… Oh this shit should be good. He flipped it open to a random page.

“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?”

The rest of the book contained most of the same. Stats that show fossil dates VS the Bible timeline, how rainbows are light reflecting off water droplets, something about how mixing fabrics is clearly not sinful, you get the point. It made perfect sense a science freak like Kiriko would go out of her way to buy something as stupid as… Wait, shit, she didn’t buy this, she wrote this… Motherfucker has way too much fucking time on her hands if she wrote this mammoth of a fucking book all by her… Shit, Kai really needs to look at shit before he judges them, Kiriko was only one of two writers on this.

“Written by the slutty but stylish Kiriko and her faithful ‘know-it-all’ sack of shit partner... Kyoko?” Kai said aloud to himself… He knew Kyoko… She was a total fucking bitch. Like was a cunt on every conceivable angle, always judging and snarking and being the most unpleasant person you could possibly imagine. He knows this because he accidentally bumped into her ONCE and she decked him in the fucking eye, called him a pervert, and kicked dirt into his eyes while he was down. He didn’t even touch her boob, he just grazed her arm and she just went NUCLEAR on him!!! Jesus christ, what a bitch. He has no fucking clue why Suguri and the rest treat her- er, treated her as nicely as they did. Guess it’s just some sort of… I dunno, family bond bullshit? Whatever, it doesn’t matter.

Also, he knew he knew the name ‘Kiriko’ from somewhere before, it just wasn’t hitting him ‘till just now. She was always with Kyoko for some time before both of them just up and vanished. Something about police raids and new opportunities? Who cares. Point is, sometime after Kyoko decked him, she was walking around with Kiriko a lot, and now she’s… Fuck, if she’s with Kiriko, where the hell was she now?... Probably turned into a giant fucking monster. Knowing Kiriko, she would totally do something like that to her for just pissing her off. Hell, it’d make sense why she’d want to hang out with such an unpleasant person. Augmented people most likely had tons of fucking weird things she could fuck around with inside them. That sort of thing was morally fucked up, but whatever, wasn’t his problem… Speaking about his problem, where the fuck was some lotion? There’s some tissues on the nightstand, but he needs something fucking slippery if wants to get any shit done.

He scavenged his room for a bit, looking for anything he could use to lubricate his dick so he could give his tissue a real fucking issue to worry about. It wasn’t until he wasted almost 15 minutes of searching when he realized that the bathroom actually had a hand soap dispenser in it… god damnit. Whatever, nothing was lost in his search. At least now he knew he had a spare pair of clothes in a dresser that was EXACTLY like what he would normally wear, so at least he could wear something that wasn’t coated in vomit… Actually, let’s swap into those now before that they evaporate into thin air. Knowing his luck, that would happen as soon as he was done jacking his dick.

Now in a comfy, non-crappy outfit with all his pocket belongings (most important of which being his wallet) transferred into his new pair of pants, it was finally time to get down and dirty. He went into the bathroom, waved his hand under the motion sensor hand soap dispenser, an- the power went out… Kai only received about 3 drops worth of hand soap, nowhere near enough to do his business with, before that happened…. Kai proceeded to beat up the soap machine.

“GOD MOTHER FUCKING DAMNIT, COME ON, GIVE ME MY FUCKING SOAP!!!” He screamed, grabbing the machine with both hands, his right flaring up as he did so. “I FUCKING NEED THIS SHIT AFTER THIS FUCKING ASSTRIP OF A DAY YOU BETTER GIVE ME MY FUCKING ONE MINUTE OF SATISFACTION YOU FUCKER BEFORE I FUCKING END YOUR MISERABLE- OH FUCK.” He quickly got his left hand away from the machine as his right hand had caused this bitch to melt… This was surprising for a few reasons. One, the thing didn’t even budge when Kai was slamming into it, proving it was rock fucking solid before melting, and two, the metal wall behind it melted a bit too, and that shit looks like it was made of the same shit Cuddles couldn’t break, so…. Shit, this hand might be fucking overpowered with iits fire powers… Wait a second.

Kai flicked his thumb like a lighter to light his reddish thumb on fire to illuminate the dark bathroom. With that FUCKING ice machine no longer making such a fucking racket, he could actually use his sense of hearing to hear… Moans…. Moans coming from behind the shower curtain of his room….

Carefully keeping his light low so as to not startle whatever was in his shower, he slowly approached it, and, once he was in arm’s reach, opened the blinds as quickly as he could with his left hand, ready to flaming-haymaker whatever the fuck was behind it…

“.... What the fuck?” He mumbled upon opening the curtain, and looking down on the floor… There, on the floor, laid someone in a gimp suit, hands and feet cuffed with metal handcuffs to restrict her movement. He watched as the gimp fruitlessly made an attempt to wiggle free of its bonds, grunting as it did so… What in the actual fuck was this shit?

The gimp suit’s mask had zippers over both the eyes and mouth, making it impossible to see, speak, or even hear since it went over the entire head. Kai’s first instinct was to reach over and unzip the mouth to get information, only to reach with his right hand and kill the thumb fire he made. He then flicked it back to life, and tried to unzip the mouth with his left hand. Sadly, Kiriko had left the shower running slightly while the gimp was in here, causing it to drip water, moisturize the area, and thus, rust the metal zippers shut... Kai knew Kiriko was good with science, but this is some fucking 4-Dimensional bullshit she’s pulling right here to keep this bitch locked up, jesus christ.

“Okay, um.” He began, thinking of what to say to the gimp… First off, probably a good idea to check if it can even hear him, since the suit has no visible ear-holes. “Nod if you can hear me, okay?” He asked it… No response. Alright, let’s take a different approach. “IF YOU CAN HEAR ME, NOD YOUR HEAD.”

“Mmmmph?” The gimp suddenly mumbled.

“NOD IF YOU CAN HEAR ME.” Kai repeated.

“MMPH MMPH!!!” The gimp then began to nod with an intense energy. Alright, now that that’s over with...

“OKAY, SO THE ZIPPERS ON YOUR MOUTH, BACK, JUST ABOUT EVERYWHERE IS RUSTED SHUT, SO I’M GONNA TRY AND FIND A WAY TO GET YOU OUT, OKAY?” Another nod. “OKAY, GOOD! NOW DON’T PANIC, I’M GOING TO START BY TRYING TO GET YOUR BINDINGS OFF SO WE CAN LEAVE”. Kai then leaned over the gimp and started to take a closer look… Yeah, these were metal cuffs alright, and from the shininess, it looked like the same sort of metal Kiriko made the walls ‘n shit out of, meaning there was only one way to get these things off.

Kai got down on his knees, reached around the gimp, and grabbed a hold of the cuff-chains binding her hands with his right hand. He then started thinking of something that pissed him off, like politics and how he hasn’t had any sex yet, and his hand began to flare up. Within just a few seconds, the metal chains of the cuffs began to slowly melt, run down his hand (which thankfully didn’t burn his crazy super hand) and harmlessly- NOT HARMLESSLY BEGAN DRIPPING ONTO THE TUB FLOOR FUCK IT’S GONNA SCALD HER.

“SHIT, GRAB MY HAND!!!!!” Kai suddenly screamed, pulling away his right hand and reaching out with his left.

“MMM!?”

“JUST REACH OUT AND I’LL GRAB ON!!!” The Gimp suddenly reached out her now free hands, and Kai grabbed ahold of one of them. He then began to hoist her out, the Gimp trying its best to follow the direction of which he was trying to pull her, and she was removed from the tub before the molten hot liquid could burn her.

“WOAH….. Woah…. Holy shit, that was close…. Alright, let’s do your feet.” Now on the bathroom floor, and in a much easier workspace, Kai directed the Gimp’s feet over the edge of the tub, and melted the chains off her feet, freeing her fully. With her limbs free, she floated back onto- floated?... Ooooh, she must be an augmented girl!... Shit, was this Kyoko?

“Are you Kyoko?” He asked. She didn’t hear him, and merely outreached a hand to thank him… In the wrong direction, since they were blind, but still, it’s the thought that counts, and that pretty much confirms that this wasn’t Kyoko. “Alright, that settles that, anyways…” Kai began to think of his next step. “OKAY, SO… I HEARD THERE WAS A GARDEN, PLANT, ARENA, THING, I don’t know, THERE ARE PROBABLY SHARP THINGS THERE I CAN USE TO RIP THIS SUIT OFF, OKAY?”

“Mmmph!” The Gimp nodded in agreement, lowering their hand... Kai then reached for their hand and shook it to imply he didn’t mean any ill will, shit, that was super rude of him not to shake, jesus, maybe he was an asshole- shit, actually, he already knew that, but maybe he was a bigger asshole than he thought- ENOUGH.

“OKAY, FOLLOW ME.” He asked The Gimp, taking its hand with his lefty and attempting to guide them through the dark hallways of- shit, they just walked into the doorframe and fell over, god damnit. “Okay, this is gonna be harder than I thought, uuuuh.” Kai took a moment to think of a solution, and quickly came up with one.

“OKAY, UM, FLY ONTO MY BACK, PLEASE.” He then lifted her up off the ground easily, and began the process of getting her onto his back. Since she could fly, she could easily levitate a bit while he carried her, making her almost weightless to carry. With The Gimp’s arms around his neck and their legs under both his arms, Kai giddy-up’d out of his room. He was mostly blind due to the darkness, but with some light emitting from his in-use right hand kept him from being entirely in the dark. With any hope, the elevator would still be working, and getting to floor 62, thus, this suit off, would be a snap. After that…. Uh…. Well, one step at a time.

***

*Clunk, tinker tinker, screw, tinker tinker, clunk, tinker tinker.*

“Auuuuurg.” Saki complained to herself, sitting on the end of her bed, tinkering with one of her bombs using a set of tools she found in one of the many coats that were already in her room. Currently, she was waiting for Peat to come back to her room after leaving to go to the bathroom. Normally, he’d be in his room least she’d assume, but Peat had neglected to collect his room card from Kiriko, and since it was his idea to bail from dinner and drag her along with him, he was going to be bunking with her for the night.

It’s been about 20 minutes since he left, and that was back when the power was on, which, normally, would be an issue for most people tinkering with high-grade explosives, but since Saki had the benefit of being an augmented freak with night-vision, this was fine. However, this didn’t make it any easier to do. Right now, she was trying to make the bomb go ‘Beeb, Beeb, ZZZZZZZZZT, Beep, Beep, ZZZZZZZZZZZZT”’ without it detonating, and she’s gotten as far as achieving it going ‘Boop Beep, ZZZZZZZZZT, Beep ZZZZZZZZT, Beep’, which was better than the ‘Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep, Boop’ it started with, so she was clearly making progress. Spite this, the red dot indicating the instability of the bomb was going up a bit, so she’d have to pull a few wires here and there to make that go down, but that would also cause the beeps to change order again… There was no actual point in doing this, it was just to pass the time. While Peat did his shit… Oh, that was a pun! Ha ha! Saki felt so proud of thinking that up.

She went back to thinking about her next move, debating whether to down the risk of exploding by undoing a large chunk of progress, or try to continue to tinker with the different function in hopes it’d lower the the odds of a blow-up without losing a single bit of progress. She worked really hard to get as far as she did, but, she had to consider whether any progress was made at all. Maybe it just sounded right, and she was actually farther from the solution than she was to start with… She hated being in these sorts of situations. She tried to out-think the situation, find an easy solution, but just couldn’t. Even with something she was passionate about, like bombs, she couldn’t figure out what to do… She could never figure out what to do….. Maybe the solution she wanted was unobtainable….. Maybe it was just going to be like this forever………

She decided to pull a random wire out.

*BOOM*

Perfectly on queue, Peat stumbled into the room, flashlight in hand.

“HOLY SHIT.” He yelled. “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?” He stormed into the room, and gazed around. Out from a pile of ashes emerged Saki, who had once again had her shirt blown off. Thankfully, this time she had more than enough spare clothing on standby for this to not be an issue. Huzzah!

“Oh, hi Peat!” Saki greeted, waving while her tits bobbed around in front of him from her moving her whole body as she did so.

“W-w-what the fuck was that explosion!?”

“Oh, I was fiddling with a bomb, but I screwed up and it exploded. How was your pee?”

“WHERE DID YOU GET A BOMB!?” Peat then entered the room fully and began looking around, trying to figure out where Saki got a bomb… Any second now, it’s gonna hit him… Few more…. Aaaaaand- “... Shit that’s right, you make bombs out of nothing all the time.”

“I was about to say-”

“Shut up.” Wow, rude. “Anyways, uh, the power in this place just sorta… Shut off.”

“I can tell.” Saki commented.

“Shut up, we should probably find a way out of here before shit gets crazy.”

“What?” Saki asked with a bit of concern, getting off the destroyed bed she was sitting on and onto two feet. “Why?”

“Kiriko designed this place to… I dunno, the doors all open when the power goes out for some reason? Basically, all the shit she had captive is probably escaping as we speak, and it’s only a matter of time ‘till they figure out how to get around via the air-ducts, so.” He then forcefully grabbed Saki’s hand, and attempted to drag her out. “We gotta go, so yeah, let’s-”

“NO!” Saki then slapped Peat’s hand off. “We can’t leave yet!!!”

“What not? Did you not-”

“QP, Syura, Pinzu, and Kai are still in here! We can’t just leave them behind!”

“Saki.” Peat pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration, which slightly offended Saki. Was going out of their way to just make sure everyone was safe really something worth pinching the bridge of one’s nose? Saki knew that’s what he was thinking, Kyoko did it all the time whenever Saki proposed they do something fun, like play in the rain, or go to the petting zoo. However, this wasn’t just a fun idea, this was important! “Saki, they’ll be fine,” No they weren’t! “they can defend themselves,” What if they can’t!? “and probably are already getting the same idea. We can wait a little bit for them in the lobby if you want, but-”

“Peat, they could be in danger!!! You don’t know if they’re just fine or not until we FIND them!”

“This tower is SEVERAL stories high, and each floor is massive! Even if we did that, how do you expect to find anyone here without drawing out whatever mutant shit got loose?”

“Marco Polo!” Saki suggested. “We yell MARCO, and if the people hear it, they can can yell POLO in return! That way, we can-”

“That’s a terrible idea for several reasons. One, this place is too big-”

“It’s not! There’s no carpets, meaning the echos will-”

“Two, it’s gonna draw out the monsters, and we can’t-”

“I CAN!!!” Saki then cracked her mechanical left arm open and from the wrist slid out a grenade, and she grabbed it in her left hand. “I have 100 years of military training and my own arsenal of built-in weapons, including lasers, explosives, and physical force with my natural increased strength! If Kiriko trusts to keep them in her tower to potentially break out if a power-out happened, they can’t be any worse than what was outside, like that snowball monster, and my bell decimated that! We can fight whatever is in here and-”

“Out of the question.”

“WHY!? WHY IS IT-”

“It’s too dangerous, and frankly, too childish. You don’t know what Kiriko is keeping in here, and they can easily overwhelm us. Just let me handle the plans, okay?” Saki was at her wits end.

“Peat, they CAN’T hurt us! So long as you stay behind me, we can-”

“Lady, you just blew a bomb up in your face, and you want ME to trust YOU to lead? On top of that, according to my history books, I fought in a war and won. You fought in a war, and your side lost. Let me, a mature, no-nonsense guy who actually knows his shit, handle this situation, alright cupcake?” … Saki wanted to cry. She badly, badly just wanted to cry… She could feel herself on the brink of it, yet… She didn’t. Instead, she hit him. She punched him clean in his already black eye, and watched as he toppled clean onto the ground.

“OW, GOD DAMMIT, WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR!?” Peat screamed at Saki, reaching for his in-pain eye as he staggered back up. Right as he was about to, however, Saki pushed him back down. “God dammit- THIS IS WHY I’M LEADING!!! YOU’RE PROVING MY POINT WITH EVERY-”

“SHUT UP!!!” Saki suddenly cried, kicking him while he was down. “SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!” Peat attempted to crawl away so he could get back up, but Saki gave him no respite, constantly kicking him while he was down to prevent him from getting up. The kicks weren’t too hard, only enough to keep him down, but it was enough to stress him out. Saki’s screaming, the kicks, the crying he was starting to hear. It all began swirling around him, clogging his brain of rational thinking… He needed to defend himself.

In a sudden instant, he took the metal flashlight in his hands and lobbed it at Saki’s face to stun her long enough for him to get up. He got up, brushed off his fancy coat, and turned to Saki.

“Jesus christ, WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO YO-” Blood… Blood was the first thing he saw on her face, followed very closely by her shrunken, stunned, teary eyes. The flashlight’s impact had completely snapped her nose, and caused a large, visible stream of blood to run down her nostrils. Of course, her nose quickly snapped back into place, and fixed itself within mere seconds due to Saki being augmented, but the damage had already been done. However, he could tell the pain was still highly present.

“J-jesus.” He muttered, the gravity of what he did now looming over him as he stared at Saki, whose innocent, now tear filled eyes looked back at him as she clutched her pain filled nose with both hands. “S-Saki I’m sorry, you didn’t give me… Crap, are you alri-”

“I JUST WANTED TO HELP!!!” Saki then grabbed some clothing from her dresser and scrambled into the bathroom to both get herself clean, and to isolate herself away from Peat. “BY THE WAY, BATHROOM IS RIGHT HERE, IDIOT, NOT LIKE YOU’D LISTEN!!!” She tossed her clothing atop the closed toilet, ripped off what little remained of her clothing,and turned on the shower, the plumbing of the tower evidently still working just fine.

“DAMNIT SAKI, COME OUT HERE, I’M SORRY!!! I PANICKED, OKAY!? IT DIDN’T MEAN TO HURT YOU!!!” Peat screamed from outside the bathroom, slamming on the door as he did. Saki didn’t even bother wasting the energy to talk to him, she just sat down in the tub the shower nozzle was positioned over, and let the water wash onto her, curling up into a ball as it did so.

… He kept yelling, and screaming, however, continuously breaking his own rule about staying quiet… Yeah, it’s real easy to tell someone to do something, isn’t it? People love being the boss, but they never level themselves with the people they’re looking after. Staying so high and mighty, but not pulling their own weight, or following their own ethics… Saki began softly crying, still rubbing the bridge of her hurt nose, curling up more as she touched the tender area. The sounds of Peat slamming his hands on the wooden door of the bathroom only stressed her out more, his constant banging- wait… Wait why was the bathroom door wood when the outside door was made of indestructible metal?... Oh, who cares. Kiriko made this place. It was probably just cause it looked nicer than the metal, least for the room aesthetic she was going for… She was always a weirdo like that...

Saki liked that about Kiriko while she was around… Kiriko made everything better when she was around, did things to the family Saki could only dream of doing by herself. She made Kyoko so happy, and she told funny jokes, and Kae and Nanako were far less tense, Suguri and Hime were around more, and… She was family… She was a part of Saki’s family…. It was supposed to be a happy time when her and Kyoko left to work for the government, or whatever, nobody really knew what was going on. There just came a time when they had some sort of big ‘opportunity’ and they left… And then they never visited, or phoned home, or sent a letter... Then everyone started getting mad, and…..

Saki began crying harder now. She didn’t know where home was anymore. For the longest time she thought Suguri’s house was home, but now she just felt uncomfortable being there. She started going out more, trying to meet new people, find things to preoccupy herself with so she could pretend that everything was fine, but… It wasn’t fine… Nothing was fine, everything sucked, and she hated it… She bet nobody was even looking for her, that everyone was happy she was gone, that she went missing, and that Kae and Nanako could keep making out and ignoring her, and Suguri and Hime could keep going out dancing or whatever. She didn’t care anymore, she just wanted to… She wanted to…… Something was touching her.

Saki raised her head out of her knees, and slowly turned around, now noticing a long, neon green tentacle looking thing touching her back. Her eyes slowly gazed upwards, following it up to the ceiling of the room where the tentacle was hanging from out of a now open vent above her… It was then she realized it wasn’t a tentacle… It was…

“Hey baby, what’s shakin’?”

***

The good news is that Kai found the elevator. The bad news is that the elevator required power to work, and that shit was, obviously, not gonna happen due to obvious circumstances. The Gimp sat down by the wall while Kai tried to figure out how the hell they were going to reach Cuddles’s spooky plant dojo or whatever.

The most obvious solution would be to get the gimp to fly up up the elevator shaft, though, he honestly didn’t want to risk the power coming back on, followed by the elevator being used and obliterating them both with its crazy fucking warp-speed bullshit. Second option was to find some stairs, but, honestly, he hasn’t seen any stairways in this entire god damned building, and with the power out, finding one would be damned near impossible. But, there had to be stairs SOMEWHERE in here! I mean, how would that madwoman Kiriko navigate this place without power if there were no stairs….. Wait… That’s right, she’s fucking crazy! He looked up and BINGO, THE VENTILATION SYSTEM!!! Granted, Kai couldn’t make it through the vents alone, however, he had a flying BDSM gimp at his side!

“ALRIGHT, GIMP!” Kai barked so it could hear him. The Gimp sprang to life, floated on two feet, and did a little soldier salute to show Kai had its utmost attention… God damn, this Gimp is cute.

“ALRIGHT, WE’RE GONNA TAKE THE AIR DUCTS, OKAY? I NEED YOU TO PICK ME UP SO I CAN GET THE VENTILATION GRATE OFF THE CEILING, AND WE’RE GONNA FLOAT UP TO THE ROOM WE NEED TO GO TO, OKAY?”

“MMPH MMPH!”

“ALRIGHT, I’LL BE YOUR EYES, JUST LISTEN TO MY INSTRUCTIONS AS WE GO.” The gimp then put its arms around Kai’s general stomach area, and began to float him up to the ceiling. “LEFT… LEFT… LITTLE MORE LEFT- RIGHT RIGHT!!!... Okay.” Now in front of the grate, he attempted to take it off. As he had hoped, the baby came right off without much struggle besides a latch or two.

“ALRIGHT, NOW LET’S”.... He stopped for a moment… He could… Smell something…. He took a few deep, quick, borderline dog-like sniffs in order to try and pin down what he was smelling. “..... What smells like wet dog and lesbian make-up sex?”.... Don’t ask Kai how he knows what that smells like, it was a really weird day. Also yes, there’s a very distinct difference between the smell of normal sex/kinky rape sex and make-up sex. Don’t believe me? Smell for yourself. It’s like the difference between night and day, trust me……. Okay, so he was, like, at the house washing his dog when his sister came home with her girlfriend earlier than expected and after some sort of big apology lunch or something, and they didn’t see him outside, so-

***

QP and Syura laid naked within the tub of QP’s bathroom, the only light emitting upon the two being that of some candles the two set for romantic atmosphere (‘cause of course Kiriko left those lying around just in case), blissfully unaware that the power of the building had shut off. Syura sat atop of QP’s lap, laying back into her as QP cradled her from behind, chin spooning on Syura’s right shoulder. both of QP’s paws were atop of Syuras tits, and feeling around them slowly, her fingers rubbing all around her breasts, curling up and expanding around them, catching the skin in her curls and squeezing it, the water around them both lightly sloshing about as she did so..

“Does QP’s toy feel good?” QP asked with a slight lack of confidence, unsure how far to push this without offending Syuta. “S-she bets you love this abuse to your big fat boobies, that you’re getting super aroused by this.” She then squeezed Syura’s breasts a bit, causing Syura to moan a bit as she did.

“N-no, Dread Pirate Lord QP™, I-I would never be aroused by someone as violent and cruel as you.” Syura protested, moving a little bit to simulate a struggle, but not actually struggling enough to remotely have a chance at actually escaping from QP’s grip.

“Yar har har, but your body betrays you, doe is not, my lovely chewing toy?” QP then lightly bit onto Syura’s shoulder and chewed on it to emphasize her point, causing Syura to let out a small, pathetic yelp as she lightly dug her teeth into her. It was at this point Syura’s crotch began burning again from foolishly exposing sugar to that area of her, which caused her whole body to clutch up a bit.

“... I love you.” Syura lightly cooed, moving her right hand behind her to place it on the back of QP’s head. “I love you so much, I’m so sorry about-” QP placed her left paw over Syura’s mouth to silence her, and began moving her right paw down from Syura’s breast to her genitalia. She then proceeded to probe her, starting with simply rubbing her clit lightly with her middle finger, and slowly creeping into her from there.

“Mmmm…. Mmmmmmmmmm~” Syura moaned, gripping QP’s hair a bit more as QP went into her.

“Quit ruining the mood with your mopey sadness and enjoy this, Syura, let QP…” She stopped for a moment as the mood of the moment slowly began to work into QP, her desires for personal pleasure kicking in. “... Q-.... QP….. Might want a turn, actually.”

“Hmm?” Syura lightly questioned, not quite getting it at first. To confirm what she was asking, QP removed her hand from Syura’s genital region, and slid it towards her own, her hand sliding across Syura’s butt as she did so. While her hand was there, she lightly, lightly probed the entrance.

“She… Needs something inside her…. The… The lust is getting too painful, Syura… She wants something in her… In her pussy.”

“Oh… Do you want Syura to lick you-”

“Noooooo.” QP complained. “She… She needs something deep in her. This moment, it’s too lewd she… She needs something for it, she’s going crazy.”

“Oh, uuuh.” Syura looked around quickly, trying to find something that could possibly satiate QP… Y’know, those candles seem slender enough….

***

…. Well whatever that smell is, it can wait ‘till later. Kai has actual shit to do right now that doesn’t involve masturbating to dogs…. Okay, that sounded really bad, even in his head. Regaurdless, it was time to move out. With a light kick to the gimp’s sides like a horse, the two fell right the fuck back on the floor instead of moving forward cause the gimp wasn’t a horse, baka.

“SORRY!” Kai cried as apology for kicking the gimp. After getting back on their feet, and some basic instructions to line them back up with the hole in the ceiling, the two elevated themselves into the air ducts.

The two slowly ascended through the empty, tight, square ducts for several minutes, occasionally bumping into walls and the occasional ceiling they had to maneuver around due to the gimp being blind, but besides that, it was a rather uneventful flight. Kai attempted to make small talk every once and a while to try and know the gimp better, but alas, he couldn’t talk loud enough for them to hear him, and talking loud enough for them to do so resulted in his yelling bouncing off the walls and stunning the gimp entirely, which caused them to fall down and undo minutes worth of progress… Oh, and they couldn’t talk, which was also an important factor, but that never struck Kai since he never actually got that far, spite knowing this fact.

On and on the two floated up through the seemingly endless abyss of blackness, scaling floor after floor of endless metal- very suddenly, a giant mutant Pinzu with a naked Saki wrapped in his tongue crawled right past them, narrowly dodging them.

“OH MY GOD I DON’T WANT TO DIE PLEASE SOMEONE HEEEEEELLLLLLP!!!”

“MMMMMPH!!!!” The gimp suddenly stopped flying to protest the noise, and once it passed, the gimp began shaking Kai a bit, ‘mmphing’ to ask what just happened. Kai, however, said nothing in response…

***
“IT’S BEEN- ONE WEEK SINCE YOU LOOKED AT ME! COCKED YOUR HEAD TO THE SIDE AND SAID I’M ANGRY! FIVE DAYS SI-” Kai hit the off on his alarm and got up. He already had some PJ pants on, so he slapped on a white T and stumbled into his apartment kitchen to whip up some grub. He got some bread, some butter, and a few slices of cheddar. It was grilled cheese time. The phone ringed while the thing cooked. Kai picked it up.

“Yello?” He said in a slight goofy tone.

“Dude why the fuck are you thinking about making a grilled cheese sandwich?” Kai from the phone responded.

“DUDE I DON’T KNOW SAKI’S BEEN KIDNAPPED BY PINZU AND I NEEDED TO GO TO A HAPPY PLACE!!!”

“.... This is your happy place?”

“THAT GRILLED CHEESE CAME OUT REALLY GOOD!!!”

“... Right… Anyways, you need to wake the fuck back up, that gimp isn’t going to-”

“SAKI IS GOING TO DIE AND I JUST LET HER PASS ME!!!”

“What the fuck do you think you were going to do? Beat that thing in single combat? Do I need to remind you you’re already escorting someone who can’t see, hear, or even really touch anything?”

“I DON’T KNOW I DON’T KNOW JUST SAY SOMETHING THAT’LL HELP ME!!!” There was a very annoyed, audible sigh from Phone Kai, followed by a response.

“This bitch can fly, right?”

“Y-yeah?”

“The only people in this world who can fly are the augmented people, right?”

“Well, QP can kinda-”

“Shut the fuck up, QP is already here, and she can only do that when in hyper mode. The odds of this being an augmented person are extremely high, and do you know what those things are packing?”

“... A lot of swords and lasers?”

“A shit ton of swords and lasers. Save this girl, backtrack, and save Saki.”

“... Save this girl, backtrack, and save Saki…. Save this girl, backtrack, save Saki… Backtra- Wait, what if it’s not a-”

“It’s totally a girl, what are the odds of this being NoName?”

“Right, right, sorry….. Save this girl, backtrack, save Saki… Save this girl, backtrack, save Saki…”

***

“ Save this girl, backtrack, save Saki… “

“MMph?” The gimp questioned in a slightly more worried tone due to Kai being oddly quiet.

“O-OH, NOTHING, GO UP, WE NEED TO HURRY!!!”

“MMMMMMMPH!!!” It screamed from the bouncing noises.

“Sorry! Just… Y’know, hurry!!!”

“MMph!” And with that, the two continued on their way to Cuddle’s room to save the girl, backtrack, and save Saki.

***

“OOOOOOOOOOO… AwoooOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! UUUUUUUH, UUUUUUUUUG, AAAAAAA!!!!~” QP moaned as Syura slid a long, slender candle stick in and out of her ever moistening pussy as she leaned on the side of the still full tub.

“Does it feel good, QP? Does it feel good?” Syura cooed from the side of QP, QP’s fingers roughly gripping while inside of Syura’s own hole.

“It’s amazing!!! It’s amazing, Syura!!! Don’t stop, don’t sto- oooOOOOOOO!!! AAAAA! AAAA! F-F-FASTER!!!” As asked, Syura picked up the pace, slamming the stick in and out of her friend at about three strokes per second. As she did, QP slowly began secreting more and more sexual fluids from herself, and onto the soft shower matt the two sat upon.

“D-d-deeper.” QP begged. “D-deeper, Syura! M-M-Make QP cum! Make her cum, Syura!!!”

“I-I’m trying.” Deeper and deeper Syura dove into QP, the burnt wick of the candle sharply jabbing her womb.

“A-a-ow… Ow, ooof… Mya!!! A-!!! OW, AH!!”

“Should I sto-”

“HARDER!!!”

“OKAY!” With that, she thrusted evermore faster into her friend, being as rough as she could possibly be within her strength limit, the heat of QP and the friction of her womb slowly caused the candle to melt slightly as she did so. QP felt the warm wax of the candle slowly melting off, and spreading around in her womb as the candle itself moved back and forth within her.

As Syura thrusted harder within her, QP’s grasp within Syura’s vaginal area intensified, both in grip and in passive motions. Syura felt all four of QP’s digits (excluding thumb) slide deeper into her crevice digging around and gripping upon the walls. QP’s fingering, while random, was too intense for Syura to handle. She could feel herself cumming any moment now, and didn’t want QP to be left out. As to hurry up the process, she began spiraling the candle around in QP’s pussy as to hit every part of it. As she had hoped, it was working.

“A-A-A-A AAAAA!!! AAAAA!!! AAAAAAA!!!! Q-Q-QP IS CUMMING!!! AH!!!” QP squealed as her head crooked back as far as it could go, her tongue flopping out the side of her mouth as she moaned in ecstasy, drool sloppily running down from it and down her face.

“I-I-I’m cumming too, QP, I… OOoooooh, OOOOOOH!!! OOOOH I-I-I’M CUMMING!!! I’M C-CUMMING, OOOOOOOH!!!”

“BOW!!!!! I-I’M CUMMING BOW!!! BOOOOOOOOW!!!!!!” With that, the two girls came, their love essense violently squirting out of their respective, battered entrances. As they did, Syura let go of the candle inside of QP, and moved her arms around QP entirely to embrace her as she came, her head nestled deeply into QP’s rightmost breast. At the same time, QP wrapped her left arm around the back of Syura as to clutch her. The screams of the two echoed throughout the halls of the tower before eventually mellowing out, leaving nothing but the small, tired pants of the two girls.

“.... Syura…. Syura thinks she gained….. 3 levels from that.” Syura tiredly boasted, head head sliding down from QP’s chest to her lap as what little energy that remained drained out of her.

“.... Bow.” QP repeated.

“.... Bow?” Syura tiredly questioned. “You weren’t just barking?”

“I…. QP doesn’t know.”

“Waddaya mean?”

“She just… Doesn’t….” QP tucked the thought away. “It’s nothing…. QP loves you, Syura.” She then nestled forward over her girlfriend’s head, and hugged it with both arms.

“Syura loves you too, QP.” Syura responded. With that small exchange, the two passed out in each other’s arms.

***

After only receiving minor brain damage from having his head slammed into ventilation ceilings for about 15 minutes straight, Kai and the gimp finally arrived at the floor that, somewhere, held Cuddle’s room, and thus, sharp gardening tools. Thankfully, the room wasn’t too hard to find, since it was a giant indoor garden arena, thus stuck out like a sore thumb against all the other small rooms, all of which were built to house deadly killer plants, but, thankfully, none of which were filled yet. How convenient! With no time consuming obstacles in the way, they went to the large center room of the floor. Hopefully, Cuddles wouldn’t have any problem with Kai dragging a leather clad gimp into his room while he was trying to-

Cuddles was dead. The center of the room was scorched from some sort of explosion, his yarn flesh and fluffy innards scattered across the floor. He was… Murder- Wait a second, Kai didn’t actually give a shit, Cuddles was an overwhelming asshole who broke his hand… In fact, just to put salt in the would, Kai gathered up all his stuffing, as well as some magical ass crystal he found laying around his fluffy scattered corpse, and lit it all on fire so he could have some light while he worked on getting the gimp out of their suit. Huzzah for convenient acts of ultra-violence!... Wait, does that imply someone in this tower is capable of mur- wait of course there was, Kiriko lives here. In fact, she probably killed him just for fun… Yeah, that’d make sense.

With a nice cozy fire going (which turned purple as it digested Cuddle’s fur, cause of course it did), Kai sat the gimp down in front of it, informing it there was a fire there and that it will most likely murder them if they touch it,and began digging around the boxes lying around the mostly barren round room for something to cut the suit off with, tossing aside anything that wasn’t useful. There were a lot of plant seed packets for murder-crazed doomsday plants, medieval weapons that could debatably work, but Kai didn’t trust his hand to be steady enough to not murder the gimp in the process of using them, and a lot of small gardening tools that didn’t quite have anything on them that could- WAIT, WE GOT OURSELVES A COMBAT KNIFE OVER HERE MOTHERFUCKERS, THIS WILL WORK!!!

“AHA!!!” Kai called out upon taking the knife out of the box he was looking around in.

“Mmph?” The gimp questioned, turning its head towards the noise.

“I FOUND A KNIFE!!!”

“MMMPH!!!” The Gimp then floated back onto two feet and hobbled slightly towards Kai, hand extended.

“... You want the knife?” The Gimp didn’t hear Kai’s normal tone, but Kai took the hint. He wasn’t exactly comfortable doing something like this himself anyways, and he didn’t know jack shit about this person, so hopefully they knew what they were doing. “Alright, just don’t kill yourself.” Kai replied, placing the knife in their hand. The first thing they did was stab into the costume right under their eye.

“HOLY SHIT!!!” Kai cried out, thinking for a moment the gimp just up and killed themself right in front of him. However, it was only a light stab, just enough to break the costume’s leather, allowing them to spread the slit open slightly to take a peek out of their suit, and at Kai for a moment. “.... Did… Did that hu-” Kai distinctly noticed their eye widen upon seeing him, followed by the gimp releasing the grip they had on the hole, and taking the knife to their neck. Once again, Kai panicked, but also once again, the gimp was simply slicing the leather around their neck so they could finally remove the mask fully.

Once the cut was made, the gimp grabbed the top of their mask, and-

*FWOOOSHAAAAAA*
The gimp’s long hair dazzlingly swished around the back of their… Her head (no shit) as their neck rocked back slightly from the mask’s removal. They then swished their hair forwards once, giving Kai a full look at it’s sparkly, glossy, bright brown composition, followed by letting it swing back to the back of her head. She then softly, sensually spoke-

“Hello there, gorgeous.”

“Aaaaaaagagagagggaagaga.” Kai stumbled as he met face to face with what he could only describe as a living goddess introducing herself in such a way before him. “W-w-w-what did you just say?”

“I said thank you, citizen.” She replied rather plainly. “What did you think I said?”

“..... uh.” Kai took a moment to collect himself….. That….. That was totally all in his head, wasn’t it?... Okay, keep your boner between your legs and play it cool, you just met this girl, there’s still time to make a good impression- dude motherfucker, are you actually thinking about boning this girl you just met- LOOK JUST PLAY IT CHILL, IT’S ALL GONNA BE FINE. “N-nothing… Um, hi, my name is K-”

“So what are you doing here?” She suddenly asked in a very serious tone. “Are you one of Kiriko’s goons?”

“W-W-WHAT NO, NO!!! What!? I-I-” Kai stumbled on his words probably far more than any normal person would in this situation. Sweat began to heavily beat down his face as the pressure of her question sawed through his very being.

“... You could just say no, I mean, the fact you saved me at all sorta proves you’re not.” She finally replied after he bumbled around his words for 2 minutes.

“YEAH THAT!!!” Jesus Christ he was fucking this up so god damned hard, he had to find a way to bail himself out before she pepper sprayed him like most women do when he acted like this. After going through a quick list in his head of possible actions, he decided simply getting on first name basis was his best call. He extended his hand out to her and said in a perfectly calm voice, “MY NAME IS KAI, WHO ARE YOU?”

“Oh, uh…” She stuttered for a moment, but quickly shook his hand and replied “You can just call me officer. Hiker if you have to!”

“So your name is Hiker?”

“Well… Real name, no, Hiker is just a codename- but I assure you, I hear people call me Hiker more than Sham anyways, so you’re better off-”

“Your name is Sham?” Sham’s face froze in a slight smile she had on while saying that and her eyes widened as she realized how easily she let that slip.

“N-N-NO, I MEANT TO SAY, UH… SH-SH-SH,” SHIT WHAT NAMES STARTED WITH ‘SH!’? “SHHHHHHHEEEEEEEELLLLA? SHEILA!!! I MISSPOKE! MY NAME IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE SHA- SHEILA!!!” Holy shit did Kai really have her on the ropes like this THIS early? Was he just that good or was she just a massive verbal klutz- Don’t think that, Kai, that’s rude. What would she think if she could read your mind? But she can’t read your mi- FOCUS. How do we capitalize on this? She clearly doesn’t like people saying her name, but why?... Sham-Wow jokes. I mean it makes sense, right! Her codename, Hiker, ties into that, since Hiker is probably an abbreviation of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, the running joke in that being to never forget your towel, Sham-Wow is a towel, Sham is her name- PERFECT SENSE!... Was it?... Probably is, I mean, Kai’s an idiot, so it’s pretty clear this was obvious. Anyways, logical next step would be to compliment her name without bringing up Sham-Wow at all since she probably doesn’t hear that alot if she’s so defensive about it.

“I mean… Sham’s a cute name.” As he had hoped, Sham’s face immediately became as red as an apple with blush. Kai was fucking killing it!

“N-n-n-noo, m-my n-name is-”

“Hey, there’s nothing to be ashamed of! It’s honestly really-”

“Are you talking down to me?” She very suddenly, coldly responded, making a massive 180 in personality

“Uh-”

“I AM STILL AN OFFICER OF THE LAW AND IF I WISH FOR YOU TO CALL ME HIKER THEN YOU WILL, UNDERSTAND BAKA?”.

“YES MA’AM!!!” Kai responded, saluting Hiker, half out of respect and half out of fear.

“Alright, good. Glad we made that clear. Anyways, let’s work on getting out of this- FRICK!!!” Right as Hiker made a step towards the exit of the room, she slipped on a killer doomsday plant seed packet that was on the ground, causing her to fall clean on her ass, and sending it flying into the bonfire Kai made out of Cuddle’s remains. There was a loud crackling noise as the seeds burnt in the fire, followed by turning the fire green due to its radioactive properties, which in turn caused the fire to become so hot it burnt clean through the floor.

“... Well that happened.” Kai commented. “You, uh, need any help getting u-”

“I’M FINE.” She cut off, floating back onto two feet and turning to Kai while in mid-air slightly. “Civilian, I appreciate your help up ‘till now, but must assure you that I am a highly trained officer of OJPF-”

“What does that stand for?”

“Orange Juice Protection Federation?”

“Oh that’s a cute name!”

“I KNOW! Me and Sora came up with it!”

“Oh Sora works with you?” Her face froze again as she realized she just said another name she shouldn’t have brought up.

“NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO???????”

“This doesn’t seem like a big deal, like, who cares if you two are cops?”

“MY BOSS DOES!”

“Who’s your boss. ?”

“It’s- NO. NO NOT THIS TIME, YOU’RE NOT GONNA TRICK ME INTO GIVING OUT MORE CLASSIFIED INFO!!!”

“I was tricking you?”

“WOW, NOW YOU’RE GUILTING ME?”

“What!?”

“Wow! WOW!! You are literally the worst person I know, WOW!! WOW!!!”

“Hey I didn’t make fun of your name or anyth-” FUCK. “I mean-”

“OH SO YOU ADMIT IT’S STUPID!?!?”

“I did not say that I swear to god that sounded far worse than it should have.”

“YOU ARE A JERK, YOU ARE SUCH AN UNBELIEVABLE-”

“Grrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.” Something in the pit moaned while the two were arguing, causing them to both fall silent.

“.... What the heck was that?”

“I have no-” Very suddenly, the noise of a horrific monster moaning reminded Kai that Saki was most likely being filled to the brim with monster cum somewhere else right now. “HOLY SHIT, WE NEED TO GO.”

“Go? Where? Are you trying to change the subject!?”

“NO, SAKI WAS KIDNAPPED, WE NEED TO GO SAVE HER!!!” Kai then began sprinting out of the room at an intense speed, the way in front of him illuminated by his barely lit fire hand.

“WAIT, SAKI’S HERE!? When was she-”

“THERE’S NO TIME TO EXPLAIN, JUST MOVE!!!” Hiker attempted to reason with him, but sadly, Kai had already sprinted out of the room.

“Fudge, fine, KAI, WAIT FOR ME!!!” She then took off after him, trying not to slam into the walls of the near pitch black tower as she flew after him.

***

After much shambling around the vents for like an hour, Mutant Pinzu had dragged Saki all the way back down to the tower’s bottom floor waiting room, the room where he first met Kiriko… The woman who would then later ruin his life, and what little good there was in it. If only he had never come to this wretched cesspool of fallen dreams, and had sought his own path, he would still be as beautiful as he once was. But alas, for his sin of greed had consumed his very being, and he accepted the offer of a witch in exchange for power, ergo, he is what he has become now. There was no hope for him now, he was but a mere of husk of-

“Pinzu you’ve been standing there talking to yourself for like five minutes now, are you going to kill me or what?” Saki asked.

“WHAT!? No, I was thinking of-”

“No, you were talking outloud the entire time.”... There was an awkward silence… “You got really edgy, Pinzu!”

“FUCK YOU I’LL SHOW YOU WHO’S EDGY!!!” Pinzu then slammed Saki against a nearby wall, lifted her up by her waist with one of his big meaty claws, and slammed his two massive mutant dicks into both her pussy and ass at the same time, causing Saki to let out a loud, ear piercing, guttural scream of pain. “YEAH, WHO’S EDGY NOW, MOTHERFUCKER!?”

“OH MY GOD YOU’RE RIPPING MY BUTT IN HALF!!! HEEEELP!!!!”

“YEAH THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT!!!”

This was it, this was probably where Saki was going to die, here, with the loss of her virginity to some horrific- Wait, no, normal Pinzu took that… No, actually, double wait, Shifu took that before him… But her butt virginity- wait, Shifu took that too… And he made Hime listen to it over the phone… That was a weird day.

Spite neither of her virginities being taken from this act of ultra-violence, it was still the most painful- no wait, Shifu claimed that too with his augment training devices… I mean, this is still scarier since Mutant Pinzu didn’t have any healing lasers to keep her alive as he violently tortured her, unlike Shifu, and his many torture devices that electrocuted, stabbed, stretched, and pushed her far beyond what she should be able to survive, so she might actually die to this, and that made this sorta worse, least in her opinion… However, that stuff was still really, really bad, and actually might have been worse than death, but she doesn’t really have the time to think about that right now since she’s currently being raped to death, so that can all wait.

Wait a second… Hime and the phone! That’s it! Hime told Saki that when she was in a serious life or death situation she could not get out of to call a very special phone number, and then people would come to help her! But wait… Did this count as an emergency? Hime explained it super thoroughly to Saki because Hime used to call the number whenever they ran out of milk until Suguri explained how to use it thoroughly to her, and Suguri was scary when she was mad! Almost as scary as Nanako when SHE’S mad, and she gets REALLY mad!

What was she thinking about? Oh yeah! To check if this was an emergency, she attempted to wiggle out of Pinzu’s grip using her CYBORG STRENGTH. In response, Mutant Pinzu slapped her ass with his out-of-use claws, brutally slashing Saki’s right asscheek, and causing her to profusely bleed out of it.

After letting out another bloodcurdling scream of pain, she decided to dial her phone… Shit, wait, it was out of batteries, waterlogged, and also not on her person at the moment… Oh wait a second, she didn’t need a phone! She’s augmented and has one built into her brain, silly Saki!... Wait, why did she buy a normal phone if she already had a brain phone?... Oh yeah, cause QP had one and it had this cute pink jacket and Saki wanted to be phone buddies and get a phone like her’s with a yellow jacket! It really paid off, too, QP thought it was so cute!

Saki turned on her brain phone, and was immediately bombarded by over 100 missed calls and messages from Nanako, Kae, Suguri, Sham, Sora, Nath, Alte, and Hime, giving her a really bad headache. To avoid that from happening again she turned the silence feature off on her brain phone which she forgot to turn off after going to the movies to see Big Hero 6 with QP and Syura, which she didn’t have to do, since the ringing is silent to everyone else who isn’t her, but the M&M’s characters told her it was rude not to so she did. She really liked the yellow M&M the most, since yellow was her favorite color, and he was funny… What was she doing- Right, the special number, she really needs to keep her train of thought rolling and stop thinking about that one banned commercial where the yellow M&M stripped naked and showed his nut.

At long last, it was time for her to dial the number, and thankfully this part was easy to remember because Hime told her that when the time came, if she forgot the number, to think of two towers being attacked by a giant 9 coming in from the left, and 1’s look like towers, so the number to dial was obviously 911!!! So she dialed that number and waited a few minutes patiently for someone to pick up, happily humming a merry tune as she was violently raped from behind in both holes by dicks twice the size of a natural human penis.

***

Peat patiently sat outside of Saki’s bathroom, waiting for her to finish washing up so he could say sorry for breaking her nose in self-defense, spite it being totally warranted. I mean, all things considered it WAS warranted, since she was like hitting him sorta… HE FELT BAD FOR IT, OKAY? That’s what’s important! He wished she would at least respond to him knocking on the door, but sadly, she seemed to be giving him the silent treatment, a method many women before her have performed on Peat in the past to try and get under his skin. However, Peat was numb to it at this point, so he was ready to wait at least 3 more hours before quitting and breaking the door down… Maybe 4… Maybe he could also just go to sleep and apologize when she gets out since he was really tired from a big day of being physically abused and dying.

Half giving up and half using deep next level meta tactics of defeating the silent treatment at it’s own game, Peat wiggled under the covers of Saki’s bed, and shut his tired little Peat eyes for the first time in-

Suddenly naked Pinzu, who was strangely glowing pink and emitting cheap heart PNGs from his body which had obvious white outlining around them where their image was cut from and painfully obvious watermarks plastered all over it bursted into the room, scaring Peat half to death.

“WHEREVER ART IS THOU SAKI!?!?” Pinzu asked in a thick romantic Shakespearean accent.

“..... Uuuuuuuuuh.”

“ANSWER ME, KNAVE, OR I SHALT SMITETH YOU HERE AND NOW!!!”

“... In the shower?”

“THANKETH!!!” Pinzu then used a gay, pink, hearty version of the Raging Demon on the door, causing it to convert into Valentines chocolates.

“Hey dude! Don’t run in on a girl in the shower unless you’re dating/married to her! I mean, debatably it can be done to assert dominance and even get a relationship going if done right, but in most case scenarios women consider it ra-”

“SHE HAS ESCAPETHED FROM THIS DOMAIN!!!”

“SHE WHAT!?” Peat got out of bed and into the now heavily rose scented bathroom. As Pinzu had said, she had left the bathroom shower on, but had escaped out the vent above it. That son of a bitch duped him!!! Fucking women! God damned, fucking women!!! Why do women hate him so much!? Holy shit!!!

“GOD DAMNIT!!!” Peat screamed as his mind flared up with blind rage towards Saki.

“COMETH WITH ME, KNAVE, WE SHALT SAVETH HER TOGETHER WITH YOU AS MY MAJESTICETH STEED, NYA HUH!?!?”

“... wait what?” But it was too late. Pinzu jumped onto Peat’s back, forcing him into a magical girl transformation, which turned him into a magical pegasus named Crow Peat with magnificent magical blue fur, and the symbol of an airplane printed on his ass. The shock of this transformation caused him to take flight into the air-duct Saki escaped from, leaving a trail of blue rainbows behind him in his wake, Crow Peat screaming all the way as he did. No mortal would be safe until Pinzu obtained his love. This was a fact.

***

Finally, after being violently raped for roughly 8 minutes with no response, 911 had finally taken Saki’s call off hold.

“Hello, this one is operating 911’s phone operating service, How may this one assist you?” A Robo-Ball said from the other line... Saki let out a long, out of character sigh , fully expecting this to be hell, and continued talking.

“Hello? Yes, this is Saki.”

“Please hold for one moment.”

“Oh, um, okay.” ……….

“This one identifies Saki as a missing person. Would you like to share the location of Saki so that authorities may find her and file her as found?”

“No, I’m Saki!”

“This one does not file you as Saki. Saki is missing and would have called 911 earlier due to her having a phone in her brain.”

“I forgot I had this! Look, I’m being raped right now-”

“Rape cases are put under a lower priority of cases than Saki’s disappearance as accorded by the Chief of OJPF. Please continue in describing the whereabouts of Saki.”

“Oh, um… Okay, well, hi, I’m Saki.”

“You are not Saki, this one’s logic gyros do not compute your actions to classify you as Saki. Please describe the whereabouts of Saki.”

“But I am Saki!”

“You are not Saki, this one’s logic gyros do not compute your actions to classify you as Saki. Please describe the whereabouts of Saki.”

“Okay, well, I’m Notsaki, and I am currently being raped-”

“Rape cases are put under a lower priority of cases than Saki’s disappearance as accorded by the Chief of OJPF. Please continue in describing the whereabouts of Saki.”

“AAAAUUUURG! Fine, can I please get someone on the phone who specializes in rape? I know nothing about where “Saki” is!”

“Please hold.” Just like that, Saki was put back on hold. Thankfully, this time it was only for about 3 minutes.

“Hello?” NoName asked from the other line.

“Oh hi NoName! This is Saki! I’m being raped to death and I need help.” There was a long, audible pause from NoName’s end as the sounds of Saki being penetrated set in.

“.... Okay, uh… Does this = an underground sex ring or-”

“No, I’m in Kiriko Tower being raped by a giant mutant guy with two dicks.”

“What!? Wait, is that Pinzu?”

“Yeah! You know him?”

“How do you know him + what the fuck is he doing- wait, what the fuck, how are you there and how do you know what it is? Did Kiriko tell you, or… Shit, I’m just confused.”

“Oh I eavesdropped on Suguri and Hime talking about it one time.”

“Jesus christ those two- shit, wait, have you = texted anyone?”

“Texted who?”

“Your family! They’re worried sick! Jesus, did you not text your family the moment you had access back to your phone- Actually, why didn’t you text before if you’re not dead!?”

“I forgot my brain was also a phone.”

“Of course you did.” NoName let out a deep sigh and responded. “Okay, first things first, when I hang up the phone, please message your family and let them know you’re not dead, okay?”

“Yes, Master Shifu.” Saki responded to the direct order from NoName.

“GOD DAMMIT, NO, NOT AS A- actually, whatever, this = fine. At least you won’t forget this way. I’m going to- wait, does power = on in the tower?”

“No, it’s off.”

“Why?”

“Iunno.”

“Whatever, this = works. I’m going to call my wife and she’s going to pick you up. Stay alive until then, okay? And if you can, make sure the power stays off. Kiriko’s Tower has a shit ton of automated defenses that will blow her to smoke the moment she gets close. Okay?”

“Yes, Master Shifu.”

“I’M NOT- fuck it, see you soon, call your family, bye.” With that, Shifu hung up, and Saki snapped out of her trance, the direct orders from Shifu buzzing around in her brain to be done asap. She decided the first person she’d text would be the person who sent her the most messages while she was gone, and since Nanako sent 167 messages to her over Kae’s 121 messages, she decided to send Nanako a message…

***

“And then they said ‘The Aristocrats!’ “ Hime ended, finishing her story. Both Nanako and Suguri, who were sitting on the parking-stop their car was parked in front of, started at her in awe for a moments, unbelieving in what they just heard come out of her mouth, Nanako nearly dropped her 3 piece chicken meal on the ground.

“... Who the hell did you hear that from?” Suguri asked her.

“Oh NoName told me it. I thought it was funny!”

“That’d explain it.” Nanako relied, adjusting her box of chicken back into her lap and taking another bite of her chicken tenders.

“You still have an appetite after that?” Suguri asked Nanako as Sugi packed her chicken away for later, followed by placing it in her inventory.

“It’s been a long day and I haven’t eaten, there’s pretty much nothing right now that’d stop me from eating… Also, uh, thanks for the food, Hime.” Nanako thanked, putting her chicken down and biting into her biscuit… Which sounds like a sexual euphemism, but isn’t, trust me.

“Oh of course, Nanako! You deserve a treat after all the hard work you’ve put in today!” Hime replied, patting Nanako’s tiny head as she balanced her chicken box on her lap. Nanako, however, shoved Hime’s patting hand away.

“Hey, I haven’t forgiven you for the shit you’ve done today, I’m just appreciative of the food, okay? Don’t think you’re off the hook yet.”

“Hey, we’re not pretending we are, alright?” Suguri added, getting up from the parking-stop. “We… We really fucked up today. B-but Saki’s a strong girl! I’ll set off first thing in the morning and start searching where we left off.”

“Alone?”

“I mean, yeah, Hime has work, you have work… It’s fine, okay? My book can wait a bit longer, this is more important.”

“What about Kae!?” Nanako slightly bursted. “Are we just going to leave her alone!?”

“I mean… She’s a big girl, it won’t be the end of her.”

“YOU KNOW HOW THAT MAKES HER-”

“Nanako.” Hime cut off, lightly putting a hand on Nanako’s shoulder. “Suguri will find her. I… It was my fault our search got cut off. I know Suguri will find her. If it makes you feel better, I can get someone to fill in for me tomorrow so I can stay home with Kae!”

“N-no, we need the money, we…” Nanako stopped herself, unsure of what to say next. “... Damnit, this was the one day you two could do a first search and-”

“We will find her, Nanako.” Suguri comforted, sitting back down and putting an arm around Nanako’s back. “She’s fine. Everything’s going to be fine.”

“... I….” There was a small, brief moment where Nanako began to relax. The smell of her hot food began to overtake her a bit, and the warmth of Suguri and Hime put her mind at ease slightly.They fucked up today, royally so, but… She felt like things were going to be fine…

Then, she got a text in her head from Saki.

Nanako jetted off from the ground, escaping from the grips of Suguri and Hime, and began to read the text while walking to a more spacious area of the parking lot.

Saki: “Hi Nanako! Just letting you know I’m fine, just being raped in both holes!”

Nanako: “SAKI, HOLY SHIT, WHERE ARE YOU RIGHT NOW!?!?”

Saki: “I’m in Kiriko’s Tower :)”

Nanako: “Kiriko’s Tower? What the hell is this!? Also, isn’t that the girl who Kyoko was dating and took to the government or whatever?”

Saki: “Yeah! Also I’m being raped, which is also important!”

Nanako: “I’m just going to pretend that’s a joke right now, look, I’ll pick you up right now and we can talk about all the weird stuff later, where geographically is Kiriko’s Tower?”

Saki: “Me being raped isn’t a joke, I’m being done in both holes and it hurts :<”

Nanako: “IF SOMEONE IS DOING THAT I WILL RIP THEIR DICKS OFF, JUST TELL ME WHERE YOU ARE SO I CAN DO IT!!!”

Saki: “It’s in the big tower that goes so high it reaches space, duh ;P”

Nanako: “I thought that was a radio station!!!”

Saki: “No, it’s a big tower where Kiriko apparently does all her science stuff! Kai, Peat, QP, and Syura are all here too somewhere!”

Nanako: “Is Kyoko there!?”

Nanako: “Hello!?”

Saki: “I don’t really want to talk about it. I’ll see you later. Bye.”

Nanako: “SAKI!?!?”

“What are you doing Nanako, you spilled your food!” Hime asked, attempting to pick up Nanako’s food from off the parking lot and back into its box. Nanako, however, wasn’t having this shit anymore.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS KIRIKO’S TOWER!?” She yelled at the two girls, Hime and Suguri’s hearts sinking as they realized the jig was up.

“Uh… W-w-whatever do you mean?” Hime jested in a last ditch attempt to keep her cover.

“THE SPACE PILLAR APPARENTLY BELONGS TO KIRIKO.”

“Where are you getting this from?” Suguri asked.

“SAKI JUST TEXTED ME!!! Did you two know about this shit!?”

“Saki’s in Kiriko’s to-” Suguri stopped herself. She just fucked up. “Shit.”

“You two did know.” Nanako said in a somewhat hushed, disbelieving voice. “Did you go there? Was Kyoko there? How long have you been hiding this?”

“We…” Hime began, swallowing a bit nervously before continuing. “A few years ago we made an effort to try and find Kyoko since nobody was getting any messages from her, and we tracked her down to that tower. We tried talking to Kiriko, but… She… She seemed lost, and mostly just cried. When we tried to get something more concrete from her, she activated the tower’s defenses, and we barely escaped.”

“Was that the same day you two said you got hit by a truck?” Hime and Suguri looked at each other for a moment.

“.. Y-yeah… We’re so-” Suguri was cut off.

“Shut the fuck up.” Nanako barked. In response, Hime dropped Nanako’s box of chicken, sprung towards her and cuffed a hand lightly over Nanako’s mouth

“Nanako, do not speak like tha-” Almost immediately after this action, Nanako summoned a bit to her side. The bit then flew as hard as it could towards the side of Hime’s head, and haymakered her to the floor.

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! SHUT THE FUCK UP BOTH OF YOU!!!” Nanako screamed at the both of them, bits fully deployed and rattling with an aggressive amount of energy. “YOU FUCKING LIARS, YOU BITCHES, YOU HEARTLESS FUCKING BITCHES!!!!”

“WOOOOOOOOOAH.” Suguri let out, raising her hands a bit in shock. “WOOOOaaaaaah… Woooooooaaah, Nanako, calm down.”

“CALM DOWN!?” She shouted, shaking with rage. “YOU KNEW KYOKO WAS DEAD THIS ENTIRE TIME AND YOU WANT ME TO FUCKING CALM DOWN!?!?”

“Okay, hold it, nobody said she was dead! We just…” Suguri stumbled, attempting to think of anything that could potentially help defuse this. “We didn’t know! We don’t know what happened to her, and we didn’t know how to tell you this!”

“SO YOU JUST SAT ON IT FOR FIVE YEARS!? NO, OKAY, YEAH, THAT MAKES EVERYTHING FUCKING BETTER!!!”

“I know we fucked up, Nanako, I know! But that doesn’t give you the right to hit Hime, and it doesn’t give you the right to-”

“Yeah well killing Iru didn’t give you a right to take her place.”

“Well I-” Nanako words suddenly stabbed into Suguri’s heart like a knife, her eyes widening as they sunk deeper and deeper into her. “... Y-.... You-”

“TOO FAR!!!” Hime announced from the ground, finally floating back up to her feet and rushing to Suguri’s defense, running in front of her to protect her from Nanako’s foul insults. “NANAKO!!! I respect your right to be upset at the discovery of your sister’s disappearance, but that is not an excuse to say such cruel things to Suguri! I must now ask of you to apologize this instant, or I shall not purchase you any Mardi Gras Cheesecake!!!”

“Of course you come to Suguri’s defense, but never mine.”

“You are the one who attacked her, now apologize to her!!!”

“WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DEFEND HER!?” Nanako snapped again. “You tell everyone else when they fuck up, but never her! What the hell is up with that!?!?”

“That is not true! Two weeks ago, Suguri used almost the last of the milk, but not the last 5% of the milk container’s contents, and when I left to buy milk, I thought we had more just from looking at the fridge, but when I came home and attempted to have some Captain Crunch, there was only a few drops of milk in the milk container, and I had to eat the Captain Crunch mostly dry, which in some regards is worse than eating it entirely dry since it causes it to taste funny when it’s only a little dry. Though one may argue that Captain Crunch is always dry, the point is that I gave Suguri a good scolding for-”

“FOR SHIT THAT MATTERS, HIME!!! FOR SHIT THAT MATTERS!!!”

“L-like what? Are you saying that not finishing off the milk when it is almost gone does not-”

“Are you trying to be cute or are you actually fucking retarded?”

“Well if I am honest-” Hime quickly picked up on the insult, and her face shattered to a state similar to Suguri’s but quickly recovered. “NANAKO, THAT WAS EXTREMELY RUDE AND AN IMPROPER WAY OF USING THE TERM ‘RETARDED’. I DEMAND THAT YOU-”

“YOU’RE NOT MY FUCKING MOTHER!!!” Nanako screamed at Hime with enough intensity as to get a few particles of spit to hit her. “You are NOT my mom, Kyoko is NOT my sister, and Suguri SURE AS HELL isn’t a part of MY FUCKING FAMILY!!!”

“S-she has done so much for-”

“YOU!!! SHE’S DONE A LOT FOR YOU CAUSE SHE’S GOT A BIG FUCKING HARD ON FOR YOUR DITZY ASS!!! I KNOW!!! WE ALL FUCKING KNOW!!! IF YOU DIDN’T GIVE HER SUCH A BIG FUCKING BONER, SHE PROBABLY WOULD HAVE LET THE REST OF US DIE INSTEAD OF BAILING OUR ASSES OUT WHEN THE WAR ENDED!!! YOU ARE THE ONLY THING THAT BITCH CARES ABOUT!!!”

“N-Nanako…” Suguri attempted to murmur. “T-that’s not-”

“SHUT UP!!! I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ANYMORE!!!” Nanako reached into her pocket, and fished out her car keys, followed by tossing them on the ground in front of Hime and Suguri. “Drive yourselves home, I’m going to save Saki, who I’m SURE both of you are more than disappointed about because that’ll mean you’ll have a reason to actually be at home and not give each other handjobs.” Hime attempted to make a move to stop Nanako, but realized she simply couldn’t move. She felt paralyzed from the neck down, trembling as she stood in what seemed like a permanent defensive stance in front of Suguri. By the time she loosened up, Nanako had already taken off for Kiriko’s Tower, leaving the two girls behind.

There was a brief moment where Hime attempted to take off at all, lightly hopping up in any attempt to even try to fly, but, sadly, she just didn’t have that power in her, she was simply too weak… The last thing that Nanako said before leaving them rang in her mind perhaps far more than it should have for Hime. She was well aware Nanako had a temper, and, perhaps, Hime wasn’t doing the best job of looking after her and the rest of her family as of late… But… That last thing… Her being disappointed over Nanako looking for Saki… Her being… Glad Saki was gone… Did she actually feel that?

The question rang in her head for a while, and, to her own disgust, she was conflicted… She… She didn’t hate Saki but… Why wasn’t she more motivated to find her? Saki. The person who, by all means, looked up to Hime the most… Why did she?

Hime couldn’t put the pieces together in her head due to being too weak and tired, her mind simply danced around the matter, the picture she was trying to form shattered into pieces and dancing around in her mind like several shards of magical flying glass… It wasn’t until just now she realized Suguri was clinging onto Hime from behind, crying deeply into her shoulder.

“I didn’t want to, I didn’t want to, I didn’t want to, I didn’t want to-” She repeated over and over again into Hime’s shoulder, soaking her clothes with tears and snot as she did so. Feeling like she didn’t have much of a choice at the moment, Hime escorted Suguri to the shotgun seat of Nanako’s car, grabbed the keys from off the floor, and got into the driver’s seat to take her to… Well, anywhere that wasn’t here, really. Where at the moment was beyond her, she just had to get her somewhere that just wasn’t here… They both needed to.

***

With her text sent to relieve Nanako’s stress, Saki took a moment to feel bummed about the whole Kyoko thing. She knew all too well Kyoko wasn’t here from her eavesdropping session on Suguri and Hime that one night. I mean, there was a faint hope somewhere in her heart Kyoko would be here, but, if that was the case, she most likely would have just shown up… There was also… No point in asking Kiriko about it… She’s clearly suffered enough… She baked really good cookies back when she hung around the house when her and Kyoko were around. In fact, Saki taught her how to make them. Saki felt this strong sense of childish pride when Kiriko baked her first not burnt to shit cookie. After that, she was a natural, and made all sorts of crazy recipes Saki would never imagine. Not like insanely good, but weird good, like grape lemon cookies, tomato cookies, weird sentient cookies that tried to eat your tongue, cool-weird stuff! Those were the days… Those were the days………

Saki’s daydreaming while being violently violated were ended when a neon-pink glowing naked Pinzu with poorly cropped heart PNGs slammed into the room from the elevator, riding Crow Peat without a saddle, Crow Peat’s face more than distraught over the fact Pinzu’s bare taint and balls have been pressing into his back for at least 10 minutes straight… That or over being a horse… Maybe both, who knows?

Once Pinzu hit the scene, he flip-jumped off of his steed, causing Crow Peat to convert back into Peat the moment his taint left his back. Peat then let out a howling scream as if he were dying the moment he turned back into a human, curling up into a fetal position and crying soon after he was done.

“HARK, BASTARD, UNHAND MY LADY OR I SHALLETH SMITETH YOU HERE AND NOW!!!” Pinzu threatened, pulling out a cheap PNG of the Scott Pilgrim sword of love out from the tip of his dick, the hilt of which was clearly edited in MS paint ‘cause no image of Scott not holding it could be found.

“.... What the fuck?” Mutant Pinzu muttered looking at what was once him now… Whatever the fuck was going on right now.

“You…” Pinzu also muttered as it registered in his mind that this creature was literally him. “You… You art me, though, you art not me, for only I can be me. You… YOU SCOUNDREL, YOU SWINE!!! YOU FAKER!!!”

“FAKER!? WHO DO YOU THINK YOU’RE TALKING TO!?!? I am the ORIGINAL Pinzu! You are no more than a disgusting clone of me created in Kiriko’s cesspool of hell she calls a lab!!!!!”

“AM I? Or iseth that YOU, UZNIP THE FAKER!!!”

"UZNIP THE FAKER!? NO FUCK YOU, YOU’RE UZNIP THE FAKER, FAKER!!!” Uznip the Faker squaked back at Pinzu, tossing Saki off of his dicks so he could assume a battle formation. “You have stolen everything from me. My face, my identity, my girlfriend-”

“We never had one of those.”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP, I’M GOING TO MURDER THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!!!”

“TRYETH ME, KNAVE!!!” Pinzu then leaped at Uznip, and slashed downwards into Uznip’s head. The sword then promptly snapped in half due to being stretched out too far in order to be a reasonable size, the tip falling onto the floor and dematerializing into a few 1’s and 0’s, which then faded into thin air. “... Ah, fucketh.”

“Die, pest.” With Pinzu unarmed, Uznip raised his right claw, and slashed to the side of Pinzu. Normally this would slice him into ribbons, however, the power of love surging heavily through Pinzu protected him from the blow. However, he was still sent flying across the room, and into a wall. After slamming clean into the metal wall, it not receiving a single dent from Pinzu’s impact, he fell down onto a pile of chairs that the crew were waiting around on so many hours ago, the chairs toppling over and clattering around as he did so.

“Insolent fool, did you really think that you could defeat me?” Uznip taunted, approaching the downed Pinzu. “My entire existence has been bathed within suffering for far longer than you have ever known. Every cell in my body cries for death, but does not understand how to end its own life. I am, in carnate, a tear. A tear from the eyes of the god of suffering, unable to find a tissue to wash me away. You will never be on my level, you damnable abortion of what I was and will never be, and after smiting you today, I shall rise from my grave like a phoenix, and-” Pinzu, who had more than enough time to recover during Uznip’s monologue, haymakered Uznip in the mouth, causing him to fall clean on his ass and down on the floor face down.

“SHUT THE FUCK UPETH, PUSSY!!!”

“... Oh I get it, Pinzu VS The Pussy… This makes sense n-” Uznip suddenly realized that if this was Pinzu VS The Pussy, and he was the Pussy, the Pinzu before him was the Pinzu in the title, assuming Roblox Sweet Breaker trademarked that while he was fucking around in the tower. This would mean by, default, Uznip was the faker in this situation. “.... OH GOD, I AM THE FAKER, AREN’T I!?!?”

“Yeah basically.”

“NOOOOOO!!!! THIS CAN’T BE REAL!!!”

“SAKI!!!” Kai suddenly yelled, coming in from the elevator while being carried by Sham. “DON”T WORRY, HELP HAS FINALLY…..” Both Kai and Sham stopped dead in their tracks as they witnessed both a giant mutant Pinzu and Peat in fetal positions in the presence of a naked neon-pink glowing Pinzu while Saki twiddled her thumbs in the corner with a disgusting green ooze leaking from her vagina and anus. “.... Uh…. What did we-”

“WHAT AM I FIGHTING FOOOOOOOOOOOR!?!?!?” Having an existential crisis, Uznip clambered up onto all fours and bursted into a cheetah sprint into the elevator shaft, disappearing from view entirely.

“... Um…. Okay.” Kai announced, dismounting from Sham’s arms to observe Peat. “... Do you have any-”

“HIS BALLS WERE SLIDING UP AND DOWN MY SPINE FOR WHAT FELT LIKE FOREVER AND I COULDN’T FEEL MY FINGERS!!!” Peat screamed before Kai could finish.

“... Saki?” Kai decided to ask, turning his attention to Saki. “What the fuck happened?”

“Iunno.” She replied, getting up, completely not caring about the Uznip cum dripping out of her. “It was cool tho.”

“I SAVED SAKI FROM THE DEMONIC CHANGELING KNOWN ASETH UZNIP, THE FAKER!!!”

“... Yeah… Okay…. Sham, you have any input on this?”

“Nope.” Sham quickly replied.

“Cool.”

“PFFFFFT, HER NAMETH IS SHAMETH!? LIKE SHAM-WOWETH!?!?!?”

“Hey fuck you, Sham is a fine name!” Kai objected. “Besides, your name is Pinzu! You have literally no right to make fun of other people’s names!”

“NAY, NEERDOWELL, PINZU IS JUST MY ONLINE NAMETH! MY REAL NAMETH IS-”

“Yo.” Kiriko interrupted, entering from the elevator shaft. “What’s going on down he- FUCK NO.” Without hesitating, Kiriko pulled out a dart gun and shot Sham in the hip with a tranq dart.

“What the?” Sham asked, reaching down for her hip, pulling out the dart and observing it. “.... Gosh dangit, not agggaaaaa-in-” Within mere seconds, Sham flopped onto the ground face first, completely knocked out, causing Kai to enter a panic.

“W-W-WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST DO!?” He screamed, grabbing onto Kiriko’s collar again. “DID YOU JUST KILL HER!?!? WHAT DID SHE EVER DO TO YO-” And once again, Kai was kicked in the balls, causing him to fall to the ground.

“HA! SUCH A PITIFUL KNAVE BEING DOWNED IN SUCH A PITFULETH FASIO-” Kiriko then shot Pinzu with a tranq so he’d shut the fuck up. Unlike Sham, however, Pinzu passed clean the fuck out the moment the drug entered his blood stream. With the last annoying prick dealt with, Kiriko turned her attention to Saki.

“You okay, kid?” She asked, tucking her dart gun away back into her coat.

“I got raped in both holes.”

“Define both holes?”

“My butt and my pinka.” Normally, Kiriko would ask what the fuck a pinka was, but thankfully, she already asked what the hell that was back when she was intimate with the Suguri family. If anything, the word gave her a somewhat warm, nostalgic kick upon hearing it.

“Was it fun?”

“Not really.”

“Pff, don’t be lame, I’d kill to be done by… Was it by that big giant mutant Pinzu I saw climbing past me as I came here that was crying?”

“Uznip the Faker?”

“It has a name?”

“Yeah! He did me in both my holes for like half an hour.”

“Damn Saki!” Kiriko snickered a bit upon hearing that. “You’re a natural born hentai girl now! Not many people can say they’ve had two dicks go so deep into them it hit their stomach.”

“It was extremely painful.”

“Aaaaah, with some time it feels better, don’t worry about it.”

“But… Isn’t that gonna be the last time?”

“It’ll feel better in time.”

“... ok.” WIth that settled, Kiriko opened the front door of her tower using an emergency no-power key she had on her to manually open it since the front door was the only door in here that didn’t open up as so no monsters would escape her lab. It was an honest to god miracle nothing got out alrea-

“HANDS IN THE AIR!!!”
“THIS ONE DEMANDS YOU PUT YOUR HANDS UP!!!”
“THE LAW DEMANDS THAT YOU RAISE YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR!!!”
“THIS ONE IS NOT AFRAID TO PUT A CAP IN YO HONKEY ASS IF YOU DO NOT RAISE YOUR HANDS!!!”
“PLEASE RAISE YOUR HANDS, THIS ONE IS VERY POLITE AND WILL PATIENTLY WAIT FOR YOU TO DO SO!”

Kiriko blinked a few times as she processed that about 20 Robo Balls were pointing various guns at her, one of which being a chocolate ball with a red bandanna pointing a Deagle at her sideways, which she found humorously racist.

“... Saki, did you call 911 when you got raped?”

“Yeah?”

“God damnit, okay.” Kiriko then redirected her attention back to the balls in the most seductive voice she could muster. “Heeeeeeey officers, this isn’t the first time I’ve had 20 guns pointed at me at once. Perhaps we can settle this in a more pleasurable way, if you get. my. drift?~” Kiriko persuaded, undoing a button on her shirt to show more cleavage to the balls.

“So you will raise your hands and allow these ones to cuff you with no resistance nor shenanigans?” One of the balls asked.

“This one would define that as making this operation far more pleasurable for all of us, since it reduces our chance of death by 70%.” Another ball confirmed. Kiriko let out a heavy internal sigh and decided to specify.

“Noooooo, I mean… Y’know…” GOD DAMNIT HOW THE FUCK WAS SHE EVEN GOING TO FUCK THESE, SHE NEEDS FUEL TO MAKE INNUENDOS. “.... Uuuh…. I meant, like… Y’know, you could get a bit of an…. Oil change?~” She unbuttoned another button on her shirt and pressed her left arm under her breasts as to make them pop out as much as possible without showing the goods.

“This one changed its oil 9 days ago, and does not need another for 21 more days.”

“I mean…. Polish your…. Antennae?~”

“These ones do not possess an antennae, all of our wifi capabilities are managed using complex internal-”

“Would you like to have sexual intercourse in exchange for my freedom?” Kiriko finally bluntly stated. All of the balls collectively ‘ooooooooh’d upon finally realizing what she meant. They all talked amongst themselves as to decide what to do.

“These ones have voted to cast a vote as to what action we shall perform, since some of us define as hardened officers of the law, and would never accept such villainy, though there is a very prominent chunk that would be more than happy to oblige, while there is also a group who would like to participate in sexual intercourse, followed by arresting you anyways. This may take several hours to do. Would you like to wait or simply accept your arrest as to save time?”

“... Yeah, I can wait, do your vote.”

“Confirmed, beginning debate.” With that done, the balls all began doing a silly vote as to what they should do in this scenario so as to ensure the maximum amount of balls will be happy.

“Alright Saki, they’re distracted, let’s get the fuck out of here.” Kiriko said.

“B-but we can’t! Kai, Peat, and Pinzu are all hurt! We can’t leave all of them!” Saki replied, somewhat shaken by the mere idea of leaving her friends behind.

“Who gives a shit? They’re a bunch of wishy washy pussies anyways.”

“We can’t leave them! They’re my friends!!!”

“Saki…” Kiriko pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration and continued. “As much as I would love to say I have a secret boat hidden on the shore of this island, I don’t. I have literally no way to get out of this shithole other than you. Alright? I need you to fly me out of here, otherwise these literal balls of steel are going to fuck me so hard up the ass-”

“I can fly?” Saki genuinely asked.

“... You haven’t changed at all, have you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Exactly. Just… I dunno, just jump and not fall down?”

“What like this?” Saki then jumped up and started flying. “WOOOOOAAAAAAAH!!! THAT’S RIGHT, I CAN FLY!!!”

“Exactly! Now, pick me up so we can-” Before Kiriko finished, a taser from someone past the crowd of balls stuck into her back, and electrocuted her into unconsciousness.

“Worthless sacks of garbage. ALL OF YOU.” A clearly robotic voice called from the back of the crowd as it retracted its taser. “Jeeez, there's a ton of people here... Oh well, just cuff everyone here, bring them into the ship, and get them into a cell. We’ll figure out who’s who later.”

“YES, MA’AM!!!” All the Robo Balls agreed, swooping into the tower and putting handcuffs on everyone in there, followed by dragging everyone out and into a large flying police battleship that they had all arrived on earlier.

The bitchy screams of Peat and Kai as they were hoisted up into the ship against their will echoed throughout the jungle below them, alerting the entire wilderness of their kidnapping. While this did not phase most of the monsters dwelling in the jungle, one in particular took a very distinct interest in their screams… Peat’s especially.

(Lyrics from One Week by Bare Naked Ladies was used in this chapter)
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Pinzu vs The Pussy (A 100% Orange Juice Adventure)