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Dragonheart: Rise of the Harbinger	By : Lady_Kae Category: +A through F > Elder Scrolls - Skyrim Views: 9483 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters used from the game TES: Skyrim. All characters and game related material, save for original content is property of their respective owners and no money is being made from this fiction.

Chapter List
- 8
- 9
- 10
A/N: OMG! You guys are nothing short of AWESOMe! Over 1600 hits in 9 days?! I've been posting my other work here for almost a year, and those stories aren't even half that close! So thank you, thank you all very, very much. I'm happy you all are enjoying it. If any of you have any comments, critiques, or questions, please feel free to comment. I'll try my best to answer any questions you all may have.
-LadehKae
Chapter 8: The Demons of the Mind
Farkas was sitting at a table alone in Dead Man's Drink, silently ruminating about a certain red haired companion. She had been on his mind lately, more so than he would have honestly expected and he lifted his tankard to drain it completely. He had missed her greatly in the time he had been gone, not a single night had passed that Tarrowlyn hadn’t crossed his mind or invaded his dreams. Farkas smiled as he remembered the look in her eyes when she had woken up beside him that morning. He could still feel the soft, tender touch of her hand as she caressed his cheek, her full lips pressed against his in their shared pleasure, and even after all this time, he could still smell her. Lavender and dragontongue...he thought with a unnoticable sigh. This was his last stop, as Farkas was finally heading home. It had taken him all this time, but Farkas had finally come to terms with everything that had happened that night in Dustman's Cairn. A lot of reflection over the events, mostly his own actions, had shown him that yes, Tarrowlyn had initiated everything between them and that she had still been calling his name in the throes of pleasure even after he had been forced to transform. He had finally accepted that what had happened wasn’t all his fault. Farkas found his thoughts turning again to the morning he left and he smiled. He hoped that Tarrowlyn still felt the same even after all this time. His thoughts didn't stay there long as a few men sauntered up to his table and he glared daggers at them for intruding on his privacy. " Whaddya want?" He growled at them.
" Your head on a silver platter would be good, dog." One man growled in return.
Without warning, blades were drawn and a furious fight broke out. Farkas quickly made his way outside so as to not harm any of the innocent bystanders inside the inn and he smirked as he looked about. There were seven of them in total and Farkas swung his new sword a bit. He had acquired a one handed blade and he shouldered his shield a bit to evenly distribute the weight.
" This is a two for one kind of night..." came another voice from behind him. " We've got another one of you in Bloated Man's Grotto as we speak. So much for her reputation as the Crimson Lightning."
Farkas' eyes narrowed at this proclamation and he fought the urge to transform and rip out the bastard’s throat with his claws. Despite having been gone so long, he knew the name Tarrowlyn had made for herself, and he was sure she had earned that name justly. His eyes flared golden for a moment as he looked about. He needed to get to her as soon as he could.
But first… Farkas thought as he launched himself at the closest man to him.

Blood.
That's all he could smell as he entered the grotto and Farkas kept his blade at the ready. He walked into the clearing, all the while turning and listening for anything that would give him a clue as to where Tarrowlyn was. A weak groan reached him and Farkas ran for it, and he skidded to a stop when he came across the carnage before him. Men; nearly thirty of them, in various states of undress were littered across the ground, some of them missing an appendage or two, and Farkas shook his head in disbelief. What in oblivion had happened here?! His blue eyes went wide as he saw Tarrowlyn there, naked as the day she was born and covered in blood. The smell of sex was heavy under the coppery stench of the blood and Farkas felt his chest tighten. Not her...By Mara, Dibella, and Kynareth not her...he thought desperately. There were bruises already forming on her skin at her wrists, her elbows, shoulders, breasts, knees, all over her back, and between her thighs if he looked at the right angle. There were burns on her wrists and neck as well, and she had so many cuts and open wounds it made him wonder if Tarrowlyn was honestly going to make it. She was gasping for breath and Farkas hurriedly sheathed his sword and slung his shield over his back.
" Tarrowlyn?"
The feral growl that met her name stopped him dead in his tracks and Farkas looked at her. Her face was turned up towards him now and her eyes were not the beautiful green color he knew them to be. They were a deep golden color and her teeth were bared menacingly at him, showing off a set of incredibly sharp fangs. Her fingers were longer than he remembered, all tipped with curved, black claws and the same could be said about her feet. By the gods, she was on the verge if a very nasty transformation if she didn’t calm down. One that she might never come back from.
" Tarrowlyn...It's me. Farkas." He whispered, keeping both hands where she could see them. " I'm not here to hurt you. I want to help, but you have to calm down." When had she been turned? He wasn't sure he could withstand her if she changed and went on a rampage.
Tarrowlyn listened intently and slowly her eyes began widening in realization. " Farkas?" She whimpered, her voice pained and shaky now.
" Can I come closer?" He asked softly, making sure to keep his tone gentle.
Tarrowlyn shook visibly but she nodded after a few moments. There was a rustle of cloth, which immediately put her back on point again, and she growled ferally.
" It's just a blanket. I'm going to cover you up, okay?" His voice was just as shaky as hers was and Tarrowlyn nodded again once she saw the warm fur blanket. His steps were slow and deliberate as he made his way to her and he paused. " I'm not going to move any more so that I don't corner you. If you can, just come a few steps closer."
" I can't." She said softly, though her hands were still fisting the grass she was clutching with a death grip. Her knuckles were white and her claws were digging into her palm, staining the green red. " My entire body hurts. I fear what’ll happen if I do move..."
" I'm coming over then. I'm not going to hurt you...I couldn't do that to you..." he replied placatingly. Farkas' heart was thundering in his chest at the obvious distress she was in.
Tarrowlyn nodded as she fought to reaffirm that to herself. The fur settled against her back and she sighed a little at the warmth it offered. He wasn't here to do what these men had done, what Gemaine had done. Sobs slowly began escaping her and she felt Farkas tentatively pull her against him. She struggled a moment, and she cried out in pain. She had many wounds that she had sustained and her entire body was screaming in protest at their proximity.
" You're going to be alright." She heard Farkas whisper. " I won't hurt you."
Something wet fell to her cheek and Tarrowlyn smelled salt. He was crying? Her hands clutched the blanket tighter around her as she felt him move. He was carrying her away from this gods forsaken place. Blackness started encroaching on her vision and she knew nothing more.

Farkas paced the hall in front of Tarrowlyn’s room nervously. Danica and the female acolyte from the temple had been in there for hours attempting to heal Tarrowlyn. Aela and Vilkas were seated themselves, as the huntress had pulled the chairs from her room for them. Farkas refused to sit at all he was so worried. “ When in oblivion did she take on the blood?!’ he seethed, slamming his fist harshly against the wall. “ She knew the Silver Hand wanted the head of the Circle! Tarrowlyn knew that! Why would she put herself in so much danger?” His pacing had not slowed, but his hand was definitely throbbing from where he had punched the stone.
“ Tarrowlyn took on the blood because of you, Farkas.” Aela said, her tone even as her wild brown eyes settled on her shield brother. “ She had now way of knowing if you would still be reticent in pursuing her if she were clean. So she threw the only argument you would have had out the window. The Silver Hand will attack any Companion as it stands. It matters not to them any more if they are members of the Circle, or whelps.”
Farkas swallowed hard. “ She shouldn’t have done such a foolish thing.” he retorted. “ How long ago?”
“ Not all that long in all honesty, brother.” Vilkas sighed out heavily. “ It’s only been about three months since she was turned.” His ice blue eyes were leveled worriedly on the door. “ They’ve been in there much too long.” The fear all three were feeling for their shield sister was palpable in his voice.
Aela swallowed hard, but her throat was beyond dry and she felt a few tears sting the corner of her eyes. “ Vilkas, help me get some food for the three of us from upstairs. We have no clue how much longer they’ll be in there.” she whispered.
Farkas felt his face fall as he thought over what Vilkas had said and he heard the two leave quietly. Tarrowlyn had barely been clinging to life when he had burst through the doors of Jorrvaskr with her bundled up in his arms. He’d never forgive himself if she died now. This would be all his fault, as Tarrowlyn wouldn’t have made such a foolhardy decision if Farkas hadn’t left in the first place. He should have just stayed and worked it out that way. He rested both hands and his head against the door, hoping to hear anything, absolutely anything that would tell him if the healers were still striving to keep Tarrowlyn tethered to the land of the living. “ Please, Arkay, Stendarr, Akatosh, Zenithar, Julianos, Mara, Kynareth, Dibella…” Farkas whispered pleadingly. Talos…he added in thought. He knew his brother or Aela would never think ill of him for calling upon the banned god as well, but there were eyes and ears everywhere for the Thalmor. “ Divines, I beg you. Don’t take her yet.” Two tears slipped down his cheeks and to the floor below. “ Not when I have to tell her I…” His voice trailed as he fought to keep from crying in earnest, and Farkas’ shoulders shook as he attempted to contain it.
“ Please gods, don’t let her die.” he whimpered. Farkas was scared, no, terrified that he was going to lose her. He couldn’t handle that loss, not when there was so much that was going to go unsaid on both their parts. I should have let her say it...Farkas thought painfully. If she had been about to tell me that, I should have let her. At least I would have heard it from her once. Now...I don’t know…
Footsteps coming from behind Tarrowlyn’s door roused Farkas from his depressed musings and his eyes were locked to the door as he backed away. Danica exited quietly, her face weary, and forlorn. She looked haunted by something. “ How is she?” Farkas whispered.
“ She’s going to live.” Danica whispered. “ Her wounds are persisting. I don’t know why, but no amount of magic will close them. It took us a long time, but we were able to stop all the bleeding.” She took a steadying breath. “ I will need to speak with the Harbinger immediately.”
Farkas felt all the color drain from his face. “ Let me see if he is still awake.” Farkas replied. He tried to take a step but his legs felt like iron they were so heavy. He willed himself forward though. It wasn't all that far of a trek, but it felt as if he had been walking for an eternity. Danica still had more news yet of Tarrowlyn. His knuckles rapped on Kodlak's chamber door and Farkas took an immediate step backwards when they flung open with full force.
" Did she make it?" Kodlak asked, his voice tired and laced with worry. Like the rest of the Circle, the Harbinger had been waiting on bated breath for any news.
" Danica wished to speak with you, Kodlak." Farkas whispered. He was already turning back towards Tarrowlyn's room. He wanted to stay by her side for now.
" Send her in, Farkas." Kodlak sighed. He had a bad feeling about this. " Are you going to keep vigil at her side for now?"
Farkas nodded silently. It wasn't as if he was going to get any sleep tonight.
" I'll be there myself once I've spoken with Danica then." Kodlak told him. This is going to be a very long night. He thought morosely.

Farkas was quiet as he sat at Tarrowlyn's side, and he held one of her hands in both of his. His thumb was tenderly sweeping up and down one side of it as Farkas held her fingers to his lips. The regret and shame he was feeling right now was ten times worse than what he had felt in the wake of the events of Dustman's Cairn. " I'm sorry, Tarrowlyn." He whispered into the darkness. The only light in the room was a single candle burning at her bedside table. The luminescence cast an almost ethereal glow over her, but that glow was marred by the bruises and cuts that littered her skin. She was so pale too, not the healthy shade he knew she should be from constant travel. " I should have never left. We could have worked this out and maybe this would have never happened..."
" I doubt that, Farkas." Kodlak said softly. His eyes were red rimmed from lack of sleep and the tears he had shed in private. " Danica did not have good news to bear." His hand came to rest on Farkas' shoulder.
" I was afraid you would say that." Farkas replied flatly. He had known it wasn't good by the look on the priestess' face.
" I know you told me there were many, many men littering the ground when you had gotten there, but Danica confirmed that they..." Kodlak swallowed hard. It was hard to imagine something as horrible as this happening to someone he knew personally. "...that they took her two or three at a time for several hours on end. That's not the worst news however... Tarrowlyn not only suffered the external wounds we see, but Danica said that she's damaged very severely inside as well. The abuse the Silver Hand doled on her has rendered her barren. She'll never be able to have children, Farkas."
Farkas' eyes screwed shut. Whatever he had been expecting, it wasn't that. His shoulders shook a little as he clenched Tarrowlyn's hand tighter and tears streaked his face. He knew how much she adored children, knew how much she had wanted one or two of her own in the future. Now, she would never get that chance. Neither of them would. " Those bastards...If they were still alive, I'd kill them all myself for doing this to her." He seethed.
Kodlak shook his head sadly. " There is nothing for it, Farkas. Tarrowlyn had met justice out to those who wronged her, so her honor is intact. I know you care for her, but vengeance is not the answer. It is only a circle of violence..."
" That will beget more violence. You've told me this before, old man." Farkas snarled. " I don't just care about her, Kodlak, it's much more than that. If I could, I'd go through all sixteen planes of oblivion and back if she asked it of me." He was barely looking over his shoulder, but Kodlak knew there were tears in his eyes as well. Farkas turned his eyes back to Tarrowlyn's sleeping form. She was so still you'd swear she had just passed on mere moments ago. Her breathing was the only give away that she was even still alive.
" Forgive me, lad." Kodlak replied softly. Thank the gods, Farkas hadn't lost how he had felt for Tarrowlyn even after all this time. In fact, it seemed as if Farkas was more than ready for the next step. No telling if he'll ever get that chance any time soon...Kodlak thought sadly. He brought a hand up to settle it on Farkas' shoulder and the younger man gently smoothed Tarrowlyn's hair back from her brow. " I'll leave you be with her for now. Please try to get some rest yourself...I know this is a waking nightmare for you.

" Damn she's tight! Just all the more work to loosen her up, eh boys?!"
" Two bit whore...Look at you! You're not even worthy of bearing my children, bitch."
" Someone get the hounds! Time for her to be bred like the bitch she is! Who knows, maybe she have some halfbreed whelps, wahahahahaha!"
" Who's next?! She's still got a few runs in her by the look of it! WHOA! Someone grab the silver shackles! She's still fighting back after all that!"
Tarrowlyn tossed and turned in her bed, assailed by her memories of what had happened to her. She bolted up with a scream, and tears were flowing down her face as she looked around wildly. She was in her quarters at Jorrvaskr. How had she gotten back? She couldn't remember anything past the point in which they had tried binding her wrists with silver. She screamed again in pain and she looked down. Her torso was covered in bandages and it looked as if she had reopened some of her wounds with her thrashing. Her bedroom door suddenly flung open and Tarrowlyn reached over to the nightstand to grab a dagger she kept hidden there.
" Sister? It's me..." Ria said soothingly. She hadn't been expecting Tarrowlyn to pull a knife on her in all honesty, but in retrospect she should have expected anything. The poor woman had been through too much too soon.
" Ria?" Tarrowlyn asked brokenly. Her chest was heaving in both fear and pain and her eyes were wide and frightened. She looked like a caged animal ready to snap at any moment. " How...Who..." she panted.
" Easy now. Can I come closer?" Ria asked her.
Tarrowlyn shook her head fervently. " It's not you I don't trust...It's myself." She admitted. She was terrified she was going to lash out. Her free hand had already transformed partially, though Ria couldn’t see that under the blanket.
" Just put the dagger down." Ria pleaded. " You're safe here in Jorrvaskr."
" Where's Kodlak?" Tarrowlyn demanded. Slowly, she put the blade within reach and Ria calmed a bit. The woman knew just how deadly the other shield maiden was no matter what kind of blade she held.
" Upstairs. Do you want me to fetch him?" Ria asked. " Tilma is also here with food, drink, and some bandages."
Tarrowlyn shuddered a moment and she nodded. Ria was right. There was no one here in Jorrvaskr that would do her any harm. " I'm sorry." She cried out softly. Tears were streaming down her cheeks and she felt the bed dip a little as Ria sat beside her. " I'm sorry..."
Ria gently pulled Tarrowlyn into a hug and the other woman gripped her tightly as she began sobbing for all she was worth. Ria did what she could, gently shushing her as Tarrowlyn apologized over and over again. There were tears in her eyes as well at seeing such a strong woman break down like this. Farkas hadn't gone into detail, neither had Danica for that matter, but the women of Jorrvaskr had all guessed what happened to their shield sister. " Let me get Kodlak." She whispered as Tarrowlyn calmed down a bit.
Tarrowlyn nodded and she wiped the tears from her eyes. " How long was I out?"
Ria looked at Tarrowlyn with a sorrowful expression and she stayed silent.
Tarrowlyn's gaze hardened a bit as her eyes stayed locked to Ria's sad brown ones and she sat up a little straighter. " How long, Ria." Tarrowlyn demanded with a scowl.
Ria flinched at the tone she used and she looked to the door. " Four days. Your wounds have been persistent unfortunately, though they're worse than that dragon's bite from earlier this year."
That's more than likely because the blades I was struck with were silver. Tarrowlyn thought. " Thank you." She said tiredly. She winced as her wounds throbbed in protest from all the movement she had been doing and she settled against the headboard.
" Let me fetch Kodlak." Ria said, walking out of the room.
Tarrowlyn closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath the settle her nerves with. She had known that Gemaine would be trouble, but she hadn't been expecting such betrayal. He was part of the Silver Hand for the gods sake. Her eyes shot open as a smell reached her nose. It wasn't someone she knew, but it was familiar at the same time. As if she had relished in this smell before she had become a werewolf. In fact, that smell was in her room. Whoever it was had spent a lot of time with her while she had been unconscious. The most intriguing thing was that that smell made her feel something she hadn't felt yet since waking up.
Safe.
She didn't even realize she had tears falling down her cheeks again until one of the salty drops hit her hand. She wasn't sad because of that smell, was she? Tarrowlyn's brow furrowed as she fought to think of where she knew it from. Whoever it was was definitely male and he smelled like the forests near her steading. It was more than that, of course. She took another deep breath in, and she sighed. Canis root. She loved making incense from that plant, as it always smelled so wonderful when burnt. He smelled akin to the bitter root. But who?
She knew Kodlak was at the door before he knocked and she recognized Aela and Vilkas there as well. The mystery man was with them too. At least she'd be able to find out who it was. " One at a time please. Kodlak first." She called out to the door.
Kodlak poked his head in and he quietly shut the door behind him. " We've been worried about you, girl." He said softly.
Tarrowlyn nodded. " Understandably so." She whispered. Her gaze leveled on the Harbinger. There was something she needed to know right now before they spoke about anything else. " Who found me, Kodlak." It was not a question. It was a demand.
Kodlak sighed as he looked to the door.
" He's standing outside then? I know everyone here in Jorrvaskr, Kodlak. I don't know him. All I know is that he's male." Tarrowlyn said, crossing her arms stubbornly. " Who is he? Another recruit?"
" No Tarrowlyn. You've been a werewolf less time than us, so it's not surprising you don't recognize him by his scent. However, I think it's not me you should speak with first." Kodlak said. There was too much these two needed to clear out before he could find out who did this to her. He opened the door and he waved someone over.
A hulking frame was suddenly silhouetted against the light coming from the hall. That dark ebony hair, those kind silvery blue eyes...Yes, she knew this man, and her heart began racing as he pulled a chair over to the bedside.
" It's been a long time, Tarrowlyn." Farkas said gently.
Tarrowlyn's gaze went wide and she tried to get up. He was the one who had found her and brought her back to Jorrvaskr?! Farkas had seen her at her weakest and most vulnerable moment?! She could see pity in his eyes as he looked at her and he took one of her hands in his. She snatched her hand as she leveled a glare on him. " Get out." She hissed.
Farkas had been expecting her to yell and scream, but he hadn't been expecting that. " Tarrowlyn..." he began, not budging an inch.
" I SAID OUT! NOW!" Tarrowlyn bellowed. Her eyes turned golden in her ire and Farkas shuddered a bit. Her thu'um had resonated a little in that bellow.
" I'm not leaving, Tarrowlyn. We need to talk."
" You said all you needed to say when you left me in your bed seven and a half months ago." She spat. She honestly didn't mean it, and Farkas knew this, but it didn't stop it from hurting him. He knew she just wanted him out.
" Apparently not everything." He said. Oh the look in her eyes was murderous, he mused with a smirk. She was moving again to get to her feet and Farkas watched her curiously. Maybe she just felt the need to move a bit after being confined to her bed in a coma that last few days.
“ Last warning Farkas.” Tarrowlyn growled. The hue of her eyes hadn’t changed back to green yet and Farkas’ own flashed golden.
“ And I told you I’m not leaving, and you honestly can’t make me in your condition.” he replied with that same smirk in place. Her face had just turned as red as her hair in her anger and if he didn't know any better, Farkas would swear that she wanted to...
THWACK!
Farkas flew from the chair he was in and right through the door, breaking and splintering the wood with the force he had been sent through it. Kodlak, and Aela looked stunned that the large man had been hit so hard and so far by the injured woman. She was standing tall despite the obvious pain she was in and her eyes were narrowed on the other three members of the circle. Vilkas was the only one who didn’t look surprised that Tarrowlyn had just done that to his twin.
“ What in oblivion was that for?!” Farkas yelled as he got to his feet. He was storming back into the room and Tarrowlyn met him halfway.
“ For starters, for being bull headed and not leaving my room when I told you to do so. But also for not talking to me before you left, not even telling me goodbye, and for leaving your brother to tell me what you should have told me yourself!” There were tears streaming down her face as she finally unloaded on Farkas all the pain and torment he had left her with. “ Do you know how many times I cried myself to sleep because I was the reason you left? How many nights I reached out for you in a dream only to find you not there when I woke? Add…” Tarrowlyn paused as she looked to Kodlak. “ Ria, Torvar, and Athis are at the entrance to the living quarters.” she whispered.
“ We’ll be upstairs. Just have Farkas come get me when you’re done.” Kodlak said with a grin. “ And make sure she’s back in bed, Farkas.”
“ Yes Harbinger.” Farkas growled. Oh she was going back into bed alright.
“ Don’t even think of touching me.” Tarrowlyn hissed once she was certain the door had closed and all six of them were upstairs. “ I don’t want anyone touching me at all…”
Farkas sighed a bit. He was worried this would happen, but he had honestly tried to prepare himself mentally for this. She had been raped by the gods knew how many men, and he hadn’t gotten there in time to keep it from happening. “ Did you want to talk about it?”
“ Are you insane?!” Tarrowlyn hissed as she spun around quickly. Her eyes were back to their golden color and Farkas shook his head. “ Talk about how almost thirty men turned me into their personal cum bag for the gods know how long?! About how I lost control and killed all but the bastard that started it?! There is no way in oblivion I am ever going to relive those moments in such astounding clarity again, Farkas. At least in my dreams, I don’t have to speak of what they did to me.” She moved to turn back around and she stumbled as her feet seemed to tangle up on their own.
Farkas quickly caught her before she hit the floor face first at his feet and he shook his head. “ Might as well get your hits in now. I’m carrying you into my room. You’ve been out for the last couple of days Tarrowlyn, and you’re in no position to take care of yourself.” Farkas said. He swept one arm under her knees and the other under her arms and Tarrowlyn shrieked in protest as he picked her up.

Vilkas shook his head at the commotion he could hear downstairs. Farkas had certainly pissed Tarrowlyn off by the sound of things. “ One hundred coin says he comes out with a few more bruises where Tarrowlyn hits him again.” he sighed as he pulled another tankard of ale to him. All of them had been worried, but none more than the twins. Farkas because of the past he and Tarrowlyn shared; not to mention how he felt for her, and Vilkas for as close friends as they were.
“ Taken.” Aela and Kodlak both said at the same time.

Tarrowlyn was indeed hitting Farkas, though it was more of the wildly flying against the chest kind of hits, and he was taking those without complaint as he strode strongly for his room. He had indirectly broken the door and it needed to be fixed before Tarrowlyn slept in there again.
“ Put me down you ass!” she bellowed. Her elbow knocked him hard in the jaw and he grunted wordlessly.
Farkas smirked, despite the swelling he could feel in his jaw. Tarrowlyn had hit him in the exact same spot she had punched him. “ Fine.” he said, dropping her onto his bed. He never claimed to be that much of a gentleman after all.
Tarrowlyn gave another indignant shriek as Farkas strode out of his room and she groaned as her body protested any further movement. She had already pushed the limits when she punched him across the jaw. Why had he brought her in here anyways?
“ Get under the blankets already. And here, Tilma left this in your room. No clue how long it’s been sitting there.” Farkas set the food tray that Ria had mentioned to her earlier in Tarrowlyn’s lap and he began looking under the counter for only the gods knew what.
“ Why am I in your room of all places?” Tarrowlyn snapped. There was a bowl of still steaming venison stew, a fresh loaf of bread and a little bit of butter on the side sitting on the tray before her and Tarrowlyn licked her lips a bit. She loved Tilma’s stew…
“ I need to fix the door seeing as how you sent me hurtling through it.” Farkas snapped right back. “ So until then, my room so that you can rest, and I’ll bunk with the whelps.”
“ All the beds are taken, Farkas.” Tarrowlyn shot back.
“ Then I’ll just sleep in your bed then.” he purred in return. “ It’s bigger than mine is for certain.” His blue eyes were mirthful as they locked on to her narrowed green ones. “ What’s the matter?”
“ Just don’t get any ideas.” Tarrowlyn snapped again as she looked away from him. To think, before this she would have been overjoyed at the thought of him in her bed, now the thought made her afraid. She didn’t want to be, but it was obvious to her that she wouldn’t be the same around her shield brothers any longer.
Tarrowlyn was damaged goods and she knew it.

Farkas was grumbling a bit as he set to making the new set of double doors for Tarrowlyn’s room and he heard movement to his left. “ Yes Kodlak?”
“ You didn’t have the heart to tell her, did you?” he asked as he took a seat nearby.
Farkas’ eyes screwed shut and his head hung low. “ No, I didn’t Kodlak. There’s really no easy way to say something like that, and both of us know I would have only made it worse. No, I can’t be the one to say something like that to her.” Farkas said softly. His voice was obviously pained and he felt Kodlak’s hand on his shoulder.
“ You made her wait nearly eight months for you, boy. It’s only fair you give her the same courtesy. It may take time, but things will get easier for her. Just remind her on a daily basis how she makes you feel without it being obvious.” the harbinger said sagely. It was plain as day what was bothering Farkas.
“ Yeah right. Both of us know subtlety is not my strong suit, Kodlak." Farkas grumbled.
" She's going to be scared, Farkas. It's going to take time until she comfortable with not only those around her, but herself as well. The only thing we can do is be patient and show her that she's still the same person to us. In your case, you have your work cut out for you boy and I wish you luck."
Both men laughed at that statement and Farkas seemed to look thoughtful the rest of the afternoon as he was working. By nightfall he had one of the doors completed and the other he would start tomorrow or the day after. He walked inside and downstairs after grabbing both of them some supper, his feet automatically making for his room. He wanted to check on her, wanted to be sure she was resting like she should be. Farkas gently rapped his knuckles on the door and he listened. Her breathing was soft and even, meaning she was asleep. Farkas opened the door quietly and he walked in, his eyes immediately looking to where Tarrowlyn lay in her repose.
He noted that she had eaten the meal Tilma had left for her earlier and he nodded. They had been trying to keep her alive the last couple of days by easing some broth down her throat. . However, her wounds had not healed through, which worried him. Even after all this time, they should have started closing by now. It made Farkas wonder if the Silver Hand had come up with a poison that kept a werewolf from healing. He'd have to bring it up to Tarrowlyn when he woke her. He quietly set the food he brought down for the two of the on the bar and he took a moment to light a few candles. He tensed a moment and he froze when he felt cold steel at his neck. " You shouldn't be up, Tarrowlyn." He said calmly.
" Don't sneak in on me like that." She snapped in return.
" I did knock. You were just sleeping. I brought some food in for you." Farkas replied as he pointed to the tray he had brought in.
" That's more than I'll eat."
" I know. I was hoping to talk to you while both of us ate."
" There's nothing to talk about, Farkas..." Tarrowlyn said softly. She hissed as she eased herself back into the bed and she looked at her dressings. They needed to be changed again. She looked over to Farkas as he put what he was going to eat on the counter and she felt the weight of the tray in her lap. " Thank you."
" Welcome. And there's plenty to talk about. I wanted to hear what you've been up to since I've been gone."
Tarrowlyn looked over to the door. He had kept it open to help her feel more comfortable it seemed. She could hear Aela in her room and she chanced a small smile. Farkas seemed to have thought this out pretty well. " What? Vilkas didn't tell you all the trouble I've been getting into?" She said with a slight chuckle. Her green eyes met his as Farkas smiled in return. She just needed to keep mentally reminding herself that she was safe in the walls of Jorrvaskr. That this was one of three places she was truly safe. " I could never hurt you..." came his voice in her mind. Tarrowlyn's brow furrowed and she frowned. " Actually, there is something I need to ask you. A few things really."
Farkas nodded and he set down his bowl. " What did you want to know?"
" What happened after you found me? I barely remember flying into a blind rage when they..." Tarrowlyn paused as her throat grew tight and she grabbed one of her wrists. The burns were tender still.
" Are you sure you want to know?" He asked. He was worried about how fragile her state of mind was as it stood.
" I need to know, Farkas."
Farkas sighed and he rubbed his neck nervously. " I was attacked by the silver hand when I was in town and they made mention that they had the Crimson Lightning trapped in Bloated Man's Grotto. I've been keeping up to date as much as possible..." he added when he saw the dumbfounded look on her face. " Once I was able to, I rushed to where you were in the hopes I wasn't too late. And I was..." Farkas' face fell and Tarrowlyn felt her chest clench at the pain etched into his features. " When I found you, you were caught between forms. Your beast half was clearly dominate at that point and quite frankly I was expecting you to go feral. If you had, I doubt I would have stood a chance. I cleaned you up in the pond in there before I brought you back here. Why were you in Falkreath anyways?"
" Kodlak tasked me in slaying the Glenmoril Coven, Farkas. They're the witches that are at the root of the curse of the beast blood." Tarrowlyn replied. Her gaze grew pensive and she held the tray out to Farkas. " It's odd. I figured something like that would have triggered a full transformation...I've only done that once and that was the night I was turned." She mused aloud.
Farkas' brow quirked at hearing this. She only transformed once in all this time? Had she not grown addicted to the power the beast's form offered? " I wish I could tell you more, Tarrowlyn. I can only relay what I saw. It was a massacre in then least. Now, you mentioned before that the bastard who did this to you is the only one who survived. Who is he?" Farkas asked.
Tarrowlyn froze as if rooted to the spot. The look in Farkas' eyes was murderous and they had turned golden when he had asked her that. " What do you care?" She finally said.
" More than you think, Tarrowlyn." Farkas replied. She hadn't even realized that that his hands were holding her own until she felt him squeezing them. " I know things changed, much more drastically than either of us would have thought possible, but it doesn't change what I wanted to have with you, still want with you. I meant what I had Vilkas tell you, I'm yours if you ever want me, Tarrowlyn. Even if it takes months or years, I'll wait. But right now, I want the bastard's name. He's going to die for even touching you, but not before he suffers first."
Tarrowlyn's heart was racing against the confines of her chest. Why did he feel she was worth doing that for, that she was still worth caring about? Didn't Farkas realize how tainted she was? Not just from the rape she had suffered, but for the lives she had so ruthlessly ended. There was no honor to be found in those killings... " Get out of here..." Tarrowlyn whispered. She was startled at the sound of her own voice. She was crying, and she hadn't even realized it. " Get out and leave me be!"
Farkas stood, though it was clear he did not want to leave her like this. To leave her at all. " Even if you don't want to think of me as anything in that sense, I'm still one of your shield siblings Tarrowlyn. We may be rowdy, loud, and rough, but we still take care of each other." He said as he began walking for the door. " Aela!"
Aela rushed from her room just as Farkas strode towards the doors leading upstairs. " What did you do?" She hissed.
" All I asked was for that bastard's name. Either she feels herself unworthy of redemption and kindness, or she still that terrified of him and what he did." Farkas growled out. He threw the door open and slammed it behind him. He needed to vent his rage out now!
Tarrowlyn's body was shaking as she tried to contain not just her tears, but the blizzard of emotion that seemed to be numbing her from her chest. Her legs were on lockdown, they wouldn't move if she tried. Her breathing was extremely erratic, her eyes wide and fearful. She could hear her own heartbeat pounding, pounding, pounding...Tarrowlyn screamed silently against the sound as she clutched her head. She just wanted it all to stop! There was no end in sight to this!
The shimmer of steel in the candlelight drew her eyes to the dagger on the bedside table. Farkas must have brought it with them when he had forced her in here. She reached out shakingly for it, her hand was trembling so bad you would swear Tarrowlyn had just come in from the cold outside. She didn't feel anything anymore. Just numb now.
What's the use? It'll be better off in the end...Tarrowlyn thought brokenly. She lined the dagger up against her breast, her breathing still uneven. I'm not worthy of any man for what's happened to me, not worthy of the friendships I might still have here. " I'm sorry..." she whispered into the darkend room.
Aela was just walking into the room and she found Tarrowlyn clutching her dagger to her chest, preparing to plunge it into her own heart. " TARROWLYN NO!" Aela shouted as she rushed to pull the knife from her hands. " Taking your own life isnt going to solve anything!" She was struggling hard against the grip Tarrowlyn had on the hilt, and it was taking everything in her to not let even the tip come any closer to her shield sister.
" I don't give a damn anymore and neither should you!" Tarrowlyn screamed in return. She clutched both of her arms tightly to her as Aela finally wrested the dagger from her and she doubled over on the bed in sobs. " I don't want to feel this anymore..."
Kodlak and Vilkas were both at the door by this point, as the screaming between the two women had been heard up in the main hall, and Vilkas shook his head in dismay. He had given her that dagger for her birthday in Last Seed and she had tried to use it to end her life.
Smack!
Tarrowlyn's head was still facing the direction in which she had been slapped in and her verdant eyes were wide with shock. “ Stop fighting back, and things will be that much easier for you!” THUNK! “ You worthless dog…” SLAP “ By the gods, I’ll be happy to see your corpse hanging from the Gildergreen like a flag on a fortress, like on giant signal to your precious shield siblings that they’re end is nigh.” Her breathing grew harsher and faster as the images began replaying in her mind all over again. No! Not now! Not while she was awake! She had killed all of them except him. Except Gemaine! She wanted him dead! Kill him! Kill him! Kill him! she thought over and over again like a monk’s mantra.
" What in oblivion were you thinking, Tarrowlyn?!" He bellowed at her, his ice blue eyes narrowed upon her scornfully. " You are a warrior of Jorrvaskr, a member of the Circle, and a dear friend and shield sibling to us. I don't claim to know what happened to you, but there is absolutely no honor in taking your own life. Farkas told us about the men you killed. They deserved death for crossing you, so don't you dare say there was no honor in killing them to keep yourself alive! That is the way of things here, you know that." He paused a moment, his chest heaving in his anger, and Vilkas looked at Tarrowlyn puzzled. It was as if she hadn't heard a word he had said the gaze she was affixing him with was so distant.
Tarrowlyn's eyes had turned golden and she suddenly flew from the bed at Vilkas with a blood curdling scream that made everyone up top go silent. Her fangs had grown in suddenly, her fingertips became curved, wicked claws, and her eyes....Those normally kind, mirthful green eyes were dark golden, the mark of a wolf who was quickly losing their humanity. Tarrowlyn took both of them to the ground, not caring that her wounds were bleeding once more due to the movement she had just harshly put her body through. That slap had only served as a physical reminder of one of the more traumatic points of her entrapment in Bloated Man's Grotto. Her hands were at his throat before any of them could blink and Vilkas struggled to keep her fingers from closing around his throat.
" Tarrowlyn! Stand down this instant!" Boomed Kodlak. His voice was enough to snap her back to the present and she screamed in terror when she realized what it was she was attempting to do. " Get back into the bed. Aela, Vilkas. Leave the room. Now."
Tarrowlyn hugged her knees as she sobbed for all she was worth. Everything was much too fresh in her mind, and she could barely tell dream from reality right now. She hadn't seen Vilkas. All she had seen was Gemaine's face, twisted in both malice and pleasure as he viciously brutalized her body, taking his pleasure of every orifice possible. He had slapped and punched her the entire time, all while peppering his actions with such bigoted commentary that Tarrowlyn had nearly given up her will. " By the gods...Kodlak, I can't...I can't get it out of my head." She cried softly.
" Easy now, child, easy." Kodlak whispered as he sat beside her on the bed. He held his arms out to her and Tarrowlyn nearly tackled him as she accepted the gesture. Tarrowlyn knew Kodlak would never hurt her, he was much like a father to her. " Just tell me what happened, don't keep it bottled up or it will slowly kill you."

Farkas was sitting on the city wall staring into the distance. His hair was whipping about his face in the night breeze and his features were set in a grim scowl in his misery. “ Vilkas.” he said softly by way of greeting. He hadn’t spoken to his twin all that much today he had been so busy.
“ Farkas.” Vilkas rasped in return. “ You didn’t hear any of that, did you?" Despite his struggle to keep her hands from completely locking against his throat, Vilkas could feel the scratches against his neck. He needed to know for sure if they were bleeding or now.
“ What?” Farkas’ interest was suddenly piqued. He had only just come outside ten minutes ago.
Vilkas’ eyes screwed shut and his face fell as if pained. “ Tarrowlyn tried to take her own life, and I lost my temper with her when I realized what she had tried to do. I slapped her, but only once to snap her out of it, but it had the opposite effect. It’s as if her mind is caught in a state of inbetween right now with the wolf and human sides vying for dominance. Do I have any bleeding scratches on my neck?”
“ Why would you…” Farkas began, only to check his brother’s neck and his eyes went wide. “ A few, Wait! She attacked you?!”
“ In a partially transformed state. Just like the one you told me you found her in. She needs to get her control back or she’s never going to get through this.” Vilkas finished.
Farkas paled at what Vilkas had just said. He didn't want to lose her. Not like this. Not without taking the chance to help her feel the happiness she had once felt before at seeing him. Not without telling Tarrowlyn how he really felt for her.
Kodlak emerged from the living quarters late that night with a weary but determined scowl on his face. Despite how tired he was he needed some mead to drown the sorrow he felt. It had taken a few hours and many tears on Tarrowlyn's part, but she finally had the weight of what had happened to her off of her chest. She was sleeping now, and Kodlak was wide awake in his anger.
Vilkas and Farkas both looked up as Kodlak quickly drained on tankard and then another with identical expressions of curiosity. They were unable to sleep as well and Farkas cleared his throat.
" Both of you pack your bags and be ready to leave come daylight. You're with me." Kodlak said imperiously.
" She finally told you who was behind all this?!" Vilkas exclaimed.
Kodlak nodded and his eyes leveled on the twins. " It was Gemaine."
Vilkas immediately jumped from his seat with a snarl. " The newest recruit?! I warned him away from her months ago!" He shouted.
" Keep your voice down. He's been working in secret for the silver hand all this time, Vilkas. More than likely gathering information, not just on us, but the strengths and weaknesses of the hall as well. He was stupid enough to think she would be dead before long. I'm not even certain he knows she's alive." Kodlak shook his head to clear the thoughts currently making themselves present. " I should have listened to her and turned him out after what she told me."
Farkas' eyes narrowed. " What's that supposed to mean, Koldak?” Farkas demanded.
“ Gemaine tried to kill Tarrowlyn when we brought him outside to test his arm. I’ll gut that bastard myself.” Vilkas hissed. He stood up so quickly that his chair scraped against the wood floor harshly and he began making for his room. “ I’ll see you in the morning.”
Farkas shook his head. Vilkas was loyal to Tarrowlyn, which was a welcome and complete one hundred eighty degree turnaround from when she had first arrived in Whiterun, but it didn’t keep him from wondering if the two had grown closer than just friends in his absence. He was just in the process of getting ready to talk to his twin about that when Kodlak had come up.
“ Tarrowlyn and Vilkas are nothing more than friends, Farkas. That I can assure you. He’s been teasing her for quite some time that she needed to procure an amulet of Mara for when you returned.” Kodlak said.
“ How did you know that’s what I was worried about?” Farkas drained the rest of his tankard and stood up. He needed to go take a walk around the city for a bit before he turned in for the night.
“ The look in your eyes as Vilkas left. You’ll be surprised to hear he’s been trying to keep her faith in you alive all this time. She still does care for you.” Tarrowlyn had tearfully admitted that to him before he left. It was how she had said it that had nearly broken Kodlak’s heart.
Farkas’ eyes brightened and he turned to face Kodlak. “ She said that?”
“ Not in those exact words, but yes.” Kodlak replied. “ Like I told you earlier. She’s going to need time. While to us the wounds are growing old, they are still very alive and fresh in her mind as she was unconscious all this time.”
Farkas’ brow furrowed. While he wanted this bastard’s head for hurting her, Farkas was very hesitant to leave Tarrowlyn as well. She was in a very frail state and there were very few here who she would openly trust. “ Kodlak. I’d rather not leave her at this time. Besides. I might slow you down. I don’t know this man’s scent, nor what he looks like. Aela would be the better choice than I.” Farkas said calmly. As much as he wanted to check on her now, Farkas didn’t want a repeat of earlier.
“ You may be right about that, boy. I’ll take my leave for the night then. Don’t be up too late.”
“ Yes Harbinger.” Farkas said as he rolled his eyes. He definitely needed to go take that walk…

Tarrowlyn sighed in relief as she healed her wounds. She couldn’t understand why, but the talk she had with Kodlak had allowed her to do so. Maybe it’s because I was bottling everything up like he warned me not to do...she thought. She actually felt immensely better already having finally confided in someone, and Kodlak reassured her that once the rest of the Companion’s knew Gemaine was the cause behind her injuries that there was only so far the man could run. Her shield siblings would all be after him with a viciousness that would put a feral werewolf to shame. A knock on the door made her sit up straight and Kodlak poked his head in a bit.
“ Get back to sleep. You may have been out all this time, but your body needs to recuperate.” Kodlak scolded gently.
“ I can’t sleep. And besides. I healed the open wounds I had. It’ll take time for the not so visible ones.” she whispered this last part sorrowfully and a few tears pricked at the corner of her eyes. I’m tainted for what’s happened to me. Farkas can’t look at me the same. I see it in his eyes already...Vilkas probably won’t speak to me for a while after what happened earlier, and Aela has this look of abject pity on her face that I can’t stand to see. I need to leave Jorrvaskr for a while. Just get out of this city and live in seclusion. All I need is Lucia. Tarrowlyn thought.
“ I can grab a book or two for you to read until you feel tired enough to sleep then.” Kodlak offered.
Tarrowlyn nodded numbly, lost in her own ruminations.
“ Oh, and Tarrowlyn...Farkas will be finished with the other door tomorrow. Otherwise, he’s to go where you do. I don’t want to run the risk that Gemaine finds you out and about somewhere and finishing what he started.” Kodlak said with authority. The thought had just struck him like a lightning bolt and he was smiling broadly inwardly. Maybe there was something he could do yet to push those two together once again.
Tarrowlyn bolted forward on the bed in surprise. “ What?! I do not need a babysitter or a guard Kodlak! I have earned my place here and I am just as capable of protecting myself as any other warrior here in the mead hall!” she exclaimed.
“ But numbers can overwhelm, Tarrowlyn, as you well know. I won’t run the risk of losing another member of the companions so soon, not if I can help it. Vilkas, Aela, and I will be leaving in the morning to see if we can get a lead on Gemaine. Farkas is to go with you if you leave. Otherwise, you’re in charge while I’m gone.” Kodlak purred, his silvery eyes shining in his amusement. There were definite shades of the young woman he knew in there, and Kodlak was going to do his best to bring them back out. “ I’ll be sure to make the announcement at breakfast as well.”
Tarrowlyn groaned. “ Yes, Kodlak.” she groused as she slumped into the bed again. She had her arms crossed over her chest petulantly and her bottom lip was jutting out in her ire. Kodlak chuckled at the sight of her and Tarrowlyn shot him a glare. Keep it up old man. she thought, her mind coming up with some creative ways on getting him back. Didn’t he realize she wanted to be alone? That she didn’t want anyone else around her? I just want to go back to Lakeview Manor with my daughter and spend some much needed time to myself.
Grumbling still, Tarrowlyn flung her feet over the side of the bed and she walked from the room. She needed to get some of her clothing from her room before she went outside. She needed to vent some frustration.
Now.

Farkas heard the door to the yard open and he looked over from where he was perched on the wall. Tarrowlyn was exiting the mead hall? She certainly looked as if she was walking much better than earlier. A slight stumble made him chuckle a bit. Maybe not too much better, Farkas mused. He was content to just watch her at the moment. She had her sword in hand and she took an offensive stance before the training dummies. The light of the full moons was radiating off of her scarlett tresses, which were free flowing tonight as opposed to how she normally wore her hair and Farkas couldn’t help but still think how beautiful she was as she spun and slice her sword along what would have been the belly of a man. Her bladework has improved vastly from when I last saw her fight. he thought as he slid from the wall.
Tarrowlyn slipped as she tried to do a rather complicated maneuver and she swore through gritted teeth as the blade became stuck in the stone wall behind the dummy.
“ Need help?” Farkas offered.
Tarrowlyn nearly screamed. Why couldn’t she just get a moment alone? Everyone was starting to drive her batty. “ I’ll get it, thank you.” she replied tersely. She tugged as hard as she could to remove it, but the sword was good and stuck. “ Dammit.”
Farkas chuckled a little as Tarrowlyn backed away to let him at it and he grasped the hilt in both hands while planting his foot against the wall. “ It’s all about leverage.” he said, tugging the blade free, though at the cost of his own balance.
Tarrowlyn stifled a laugh at Farkas’ clumsiness and she took her sword back. “ Thank you.” she said, though her voice was clearly mirthful now. She was snickering a bit as Farkas began standing again and she sheathed it once more. “ What has you out here at this time of night?”
“ Probably the same as you.” Farkas said.
“ Can’t sleep.” They chorused.
Tarrowlyn’s eyes grew distant as she thought about the talk she had with Kodlak. “ You probably shouldn’t wait on me, Farkas.” she whispered as she climbed up onto the wall herself now. She loved to look out over the plains on nights like this, watching the deer and elk running about, the wolves that chased them, or just lying down against the stonework to watch the stars in the sky.
“ Why is that?” That statement had caught him off guard, as Farkas hadn’t been expecting her to say anything about their conversation from earlier. He climbed up beside her and he couldn’t help but notice that she had started crying once more.
“ Kodlak told me about the damage I took internally...Danica said I wouldn’t be able to have children…” Despite having adopted Lucia, Tarrowlyn had wanted to have her own child in a few years before this whole mess had happened. She had yet to retrieve the horn of Jorgen Windcaller as Arngeir had asked of her, and she realized that there was still whole dragonborn mess she had to sort out as well. Especially that gigantic black dragon that had leveled Helgen. Where had it gone?
“ There’s always adoption…” Farkas offered, his blue eyes twinkling down at her. “ Don’t think you’re going to put me off so easy. I’ll keep my distance, for now. But sooner or later, and I doubt you’ll even realize it, but I’ll be trying to work my way back under your skin again, trying to help reignite the spark that both of us felt the first time I kissed your hand. You should know from personal experience how persistent I can get.” He had a cheeky grin in place, but instead of running, Tarrowlyn turned a bright red and she socked him hard on the shoulder. This only made Farkas chuckle louder at her actions.
Tarrowlyn’s heart was thundering, though she noted that she didn’t feel the urge to run. His presence was comforting after all this time. He had been the one to rescue her from that...She shuddered a little at the thought of Bloated Man’s Grotto and she felt Farkas place his hand on her shoulder. He gave it a gentle squeeze to show her his support and Tarrowlyn looked at him in her peripheral vision. He wasn’t looking at her, but up at the stars as well and she chanced a small smile. “ That night wind is colder than I thought it would be tonight.” she whispered.
Farkas nodded. “ There’s a blizzard on the wind.” he replied. He set his hand back down on the stone and slowly, he felt hers come to cover his.
“ I don’t need a lover, Farkas.” Tarrowlyn said softly, though her fingers were squeezing his hand with a death grip. The thought of intimacy was terrifying to her right now, as she was afraid that all she would ever be able to recall was the ruthlessness Gemaine had unleashed on her. “ I need a friend. If you’re going to be sticking to me like glue, don’t get your hopes up. I don’t want to run the risk of something...private happening between us, and then all of a sudden I’m pushing you away because all I can see is his face, because the only thing I can hear is his voice...The feeling of his fists…” Her shoulders were shaking in her terror now and she felt Farkas pull her against him in a comforting manner. Slowly, she began crying again though not out of fear.
Her heart was mourning what could have been between them, the love that could have blossomed even deeper than it already had. She didn’t voice how she felt that she was undeserving of the love he might hold for her, how she felt the events of that night had tainted her heart and soul beyond any blessing or prayer could cleanse, far past whatever redemption was allowable. She had given up hope that she would ever be free of it either.
As she had thought before, Tarrowlyn knew she was damaged beyond repair. This was not a wound that only time could mend.
For shattered faith, there was no mending.
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Dragonheart: Rise of the Harbinger