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Shepard Finds Her Soul Mate	By : KTT2123 Category: +M through R > Mass Effect Views: 5865 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect nor its characters. I am making no money from this.

Chapter List
- 8
- 9
- 10
The next afternoon…
Garrus stands staring at nothing in front of the battery’s console. His mind is not on calibrating but on Shepard. Over a week had gone by since ‘incident’ and they still haven’t talked about it. The turian is beginning to think that he is going to have to initiate the conversation but is secretly petrified of being rejected by his best friend. Despite his terror-filled promises after watching Shepard’s death in his nightmare the night before, he hasn’t quite work up the courage to tell her how he feels. Vakarian has never been a coward but he’s never had to risk his heart so completely or had to risk losing his best friend before, the person he trusts more than anyone else in his life. He is not good or even comfortable with emotions, no doubt his father’s influence. And Lily makes him feel very deeply and Garrus finds it unsettling. Over the last week, he has thought continuously of her. What he feels for her is overwhelming and he has his suspicions as to why that it. If what he suspects is true, that Lily is his life-mate, he has absolutely everything to lose if she rejects him. To a turian to be rejected by your life-mate is like being shown paradise and then having it ripped from your grasp and sent back into a colorless, hopeless void where there is only pain and despair.
Garrus’ omni-tool beeps, Shepard is calling him. Opening the call, he looks at her, “Commander.” Her face serious, yet Vakarian cannot quite interpret the expression on her face. Lily looks…almost terrified but resolute. Fear is not something he is used to seeing on her face. “Do you have time to talk? In my quarters?” *This is it. We are finally going to talk about it,* the turian realizes. “Sure, should I come up now? Or…”
“I’m free now.”
Nodding, Garrus replies, “Be right up.”
While waiting for him, Shepard attempts to give herself a pep talk. *I can do this. I can tell Garrus I have feelings for him. Tell my best friend…and risk everything. I can’t do this, what if he rejects me? What if I ruin our friendship? Fuck! No, I have to do this.* Taking a deep calming breath, she tries to be more positive. *Garrus would never hurt me, even if he doesn’t feel the same. I’ve fallen so hard for him, for my best friend. The person I trust and rely on more than anyone else. If he feels the same, we have a chance at something…something wonderful. I will be brave. No risk, no reward.*
When Garrus arrives, the two of them stare at each other, nervous, tongue-tied and uncomfortable. Both know they finally will talk about what happened and what they want to do about it. “Why don’t we sit on the sofa?” Shepard suggests. They sit down, both still obviously ill at ease, neither one knowing how to start. Lily, finally, is the first to act. She gathers herself and begins to speak.
“Before…before I died, I held myself back. There was always a piece of me that I didn’t share, not with anyone. I didn’t lean on others; people leaned on me. You were there, you must have noticed that. It’s been like that since my family died. Before the attack on Mindoir, I was a different person. I doubt you or anyone who knows me now would have recognized me. I was carefree and light hearted. I was frivolous and constantly joking around. I had my sisters, my brothers, my parents, and friends. I was happy. God, I was so happy! My world hadn’t been tainted yet. So when it happened, it was a shock. It was a day like any other…until it wasn’t. I found my mother dead on the kitchen floor a knife stuck in her back. My two younger brothers…just five and three, murdered without mercy. I saw my father struck down as he tried to protect my younger sister from the batarians. She died seconds after him. And…God…my own twin, Leeloo, born just minutes after me. They killed her too. We were running together, hand in hand, trying to escape. They shot her, Garrus. God, they shot her in the back. With her last breath she begged me, begged me to escape. And I could do nothing else but grant her last request. I had to leave the other half of my soul behind. I was the only one left of my once large family and as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t give them the satisfaction of wiping out my family’s entire tree.”
Vakarian is shocked at how much Shepard is revealing. As far as he knows, she has never talked about Mindoir or her family, not to anyone. He hadn’t even known she had once had such a large family, a twin. The vids about her only mention that her parents were killed, nothing about her brothers and sisters, nothing about a twin. Garrus can see from her voice and body language that it is still difficult for her to talk about.
“At just sixteen, I lost everyone I loved. For the first time in my life, I was completely alone. As much as I loved my parents and siblings, what I shared with Leeloo was special. With her I was never alone, even when she wasn’t there. I could feel her with me, no matter how far apart we were. When she died, that piece of her was ripped from my body. I was truly alone in a way I had never experienced before. It hurt, it hurt so much. What happened there forever changed me. I had no choice but to change. I became much more serious, more focused, and completely self-reliant. I have been alone since and that’s the way I wanted it. What happened…it forced me to grow up fast, to rely only on myself. It was safer to depend only on myself, safer to never show any vulnerability or weakness. Because in the end, all I had was me. I had no one to rely on, to trust. Since then I dealt with things alone, being with Kaidan didn’t change that. When I helped Talitha from Mindoir, I never talked about it with him or with anyone. I grieved all over again after that but I did it alone. I doubt anyone knew how much seeing Talitha hurt me, how much simply remembering hurt. It hurt me as much as it did her. And damn it, it hurt so much to remember that day, the day where my life changed so drastically. Reliving my family’s deaths was hard but I did it alone. I went through it alone. I didn’t, couldn’t share that part of myself with him. I never told Kaidan about Mindoir, he knows as little as most know, simply that my parents died when I was sixteen. He knows nothing about my siblings or my twin. I didn’t lean on him. I didn’t need him. I wouldn’t allow myself to need him.” It is an immense weight off her shoulders to finally have someone she trusts enough to speak about her family. She has done that with no one, not even Anderson, despite their closeness.
Shepard meets Garrus’ intent blue gaze, declaring “I left a lot unsaid. So many things I wished I had said, things I wished I had done. But I’ve got a second chance and I am not wasting it. Do you know what the thing I regret the most is? I never told you how I felt. I had…have feelings for you, Garrus. Romantic feelings. Before I died, I couldn’t even admit that to myself. Because if I did, I would have risked my heart, risked the pain of losing someone I cared for again. And I wasn’t brave enough to do that.”
Garrus gapes at her in shock. She’s revealed so many things he hadn’t known, that no one knew. As much as he had hoped she had feelings for him, Vakarian never truly believed she did.
Lily continues “I figured you—No. I was afraid you would never return my feelings. I didn’t want to risk you rejecting me or losing my best friend. I couldn’t risk seeing disappointment or disgust or worse pity on your face. But most of all, I couldn’t risk loving someone again. I didn’t think I was strong enough to lose someone I loved again. So I buried my feelings, until it was like I never had them. But death has made me a little braver. Even if you reject me, I’m not leaving this unsaid this time…”
Lily gazes keenly into Garrus’ eyes, searching for a sign of his reaction. For the first time in a long time, she can’t read anything from him. His face gives absolutely nothing away. It is completely still, not so much as a mandible twitch. As the silence lengthens the pressure inside her builds. Shepard confesses, “I was with Kaidan because I thought I couldn’t be with you. He was so eager to be with me, you know? I had hoped that I could learn to care for him, maybe even love him. But I couldn’t, not in the way I was supposed to. I loved him as a friend, not a lover. Truthfully, inside I knew that being with Kaidan was safer. Because it was just sex to me, not love. I didn’t love him. I wasn’t risking my heart being with him. He couldn’t hurt me, not like you could. I don’t think he loved me as he should have either. Maybe he just hero-worshiped me, loved me because I was a hero, the first human Spectre, the larger than life soldier, not the woman underneath. Maybe that’s why he didn’t trust me on Horizon. I wasn’t a hero in his eyes anymore...”
Shepard is starting to show the strain of the waiting, her vibrant purple eyes are beginning to dim as she loses hope, even as she resolutely continues on. “After Kaidan, I need to be with someone I can trust, and there is no one I trust more than you, Garrus. Hell, if all I wanted was sex, half my crew is willing. There are plenty of men and women, willing, eager even, to sleep with me for a variety of reasons. But I want more than that. And you are the only one that can give me that because you already hold a piece of my heart.” The deafening silence continues and Shepard finally slumps. She lowers her eyes, her shoulders droop, and she wraps her arms around herself trying to comfort herself. *He doesn’t feel the same…* Shepard feels so lost, so empty. That warm feeling inside her is gone. She had known the risks but clearly she hadn’t been prepared for how much his rejection would hurt. It is utterly soul wrenching.
Then, Lily feels Garrus’ hand on her face. He lifts her chin until her tear-shined eyes meet his. Her lower lip is trembling as she fights to keep her tears from falling. It is a battle she loses as one lonely tear trails down her cheek. Seeing it, his heart breaks a bit. Tenderly, Garrus wipes away that single tear. “Shepard…” sighing her name. “I thought this—this was impossible. I—I couldn’t allow myself to hope, to dream that you would ever have feelings for me. Even after what happened in the battery, I didn’t truly believe that you would ever be interested in me. Why would you choose me, a turian, when you could have someone more like you, another human or asari or even a drell? I could think of no reason why you would choose me. I am stunned that you choose me, that you have feelings for me. Spirits, Shepard! I never thought I would be that lucky. The first time I ever felt something for you I was so shaken. I couldn’t believe it. I had never felt what I feel for you before, for anyone, turian or otherwise. The first time I realized I had feelings for you was when you asked me to teach you hand-to-hand combat, that first session.”
<Flashback of Garrus and Shepard’s first sparring session>
“I hear turians are skilled hand-to-hand specialists. Think you can teach me?”
“Not all turians are skilled at hand-to-hand combat, you know, Commander.”
“Are you saying you aren’t one of those proficient turians?”
Garrus laughs. “No. Actually I was at the top in my class. Are you really serious about learning? Because you know I will be throwing you all over the place, it’s the way I was taught. It is the easiest way for me to teach you, the most efficient way for you to learn. It comes with a lot of bruises.”
Lily shoots back with attitude, “Come on, Vakarian. You think I’m afraid of some bruises? Seriously?! Have you totally ignored my war wounds? I mean, come on, you’ve been there when I’ve been shot, stabbed, punched, cut, burned…need I go on? Bruises are the least of my worries. My whole body is covered with them, what’s a few more?”
“Okay, Commander. Are you free now? If you’re not—“
“I’m free now, just let me get changed,” she interrupts.
“Okay, I’ll meet you in ten?”
At her nod, Garrus goes to the battery to change out of his armor, while Shepard goes to her quarters. Vakarian arrives first and readies the mats. Soon the Commander enters, wearing a work-out tank top and shorts. Garrus is a little shocked by how different she looks. How her body looks in those tight, surprisingly revealing clothes, so different than the armor or military uniform he is used to seeing her in. She is showing a lot of skin Garrus has never seen before. Shepard, herself, is surprised by Garrus’ clothing, as she has never seen him in anything but his armor. Privately, she had wondered if he sleeps in it. It is very strange to see him wearing a soft-looking long-sleeved shirt and loose pants.
For several brief moments, the two can only stare at each other. Finally, Shepard asks “You ready?” Garrus nods, and begins the lesson, teaching her various holds and techniques. After she has learned the basics, they start sparring. Shepard attempts to use the techniques she’s learned to try to make Garrus submit. Over and over, she fails. Each time, Garrus shows her what she had done wrong, adjusting her position to a more effective one or showing her several different techniques she can use in the particular situation. Shepard’s body is already covered in new bruises from Garrus throwing her around repeatedly.
“I am not quitting until I pin you at least once. It’s damned embarrassing,” whines Lily.
He can’t help but laugh at how pathetic she sounds. “Okay, Commander,” Garrus says with a grin.
“And don’t even think about letting me win,” she warns.
“I wouldn’t dream of it.”
A half an hour later and Shepard still hasn’t come even close to winning. After being pinned for what feels like the millionth time, she is getting worried that this session will never end unless she gives up on beating him. At her nod, they start again. Shepard dives through Garrus’ spread legs before latching herself on to his back. The turian simply uses his long arms to grasp her shoulder flipping her over his back.   With his arms around her, her back pressing firmly against his chest, the human thinks for sure she has lost again. But surprisingly, after a moment, she feels a slight relax in the turian’s hold. Taking advantage, she grabs his arm, flipping him over her shoulder. Straddling his waist, she pins him. The Commander looks into Garrus’ bewildered eyes, the turian looks like he has no idea what has just happened. “Yield?” she demands. He closes his eyes briefly before nodding. Lily jumps up, and does a little victory dance. Garrus is still lying on the floor dazed and unmoving. “Well, I guess that’s enough for the first session,” he says haltingly. After Shepard leaves, he continues to lay there for several more minutes, trying to figure out what just happened.
<End of flashback>
“When you had me pinned against your chest…you—you hesitated. It was the one time I beat you that session,” Shepard says remembering.
“Just as I was going make you yield, I got this funny feeling in my stomach. Feeling you in my arms…the smell of your skin…your hair…I got distracted. That has never happened before. You can’t imagine how shocked I was. I have never looked at a human like I did you that day. I have never felt that way toward a human or any species besides turians before. Hell, I have never looked at another human or any non-turian that way since. By the time I figured out what had happened and why and could admit that I had feelings for you, you were—you were already with Kaidan. You had chosen him and I lost a part of me that day. I saw you flirting with him the same day I was going to tell you about my feelings because I had thought that maybe, just maybe you felt that same spark. But you didn’t. You were with Kaidan and I had lost my chance. I took comfort in simply being able to be near you even if you couldn’t, didn’t want me. If I couldn’t be with you, I could at least be your right hand man, in my thinking. I dedicated myself to being someone you could rely on, someone you could trust absolutely to have your back in battle.”
Gently stroking the side of her face, “Lily…” Garrus murmurs her name as a caress, it is the first time he has ever said her first name aloud. “When you died, my life lost all meaning. It’s why I—I went to Omega. I just couldn’t take what the Council, what the Alliance, what everyone was doing. Ignoring the Reaper threat, ignoring what you had fought for, had fucking died for. You died trying to warn everyone about the threat and still they called you crazy, a liar, downplayed everything that had happened, everything you told them, everything that you sacrificed and fought for. I couldn’t take their ignorance, their lack of faith. I couldn’t watch Kaidan fall apart after you died, knowing how jealous I was of him for having memories of being with you. I was so angry with him. For having been with you. For leaving you on the Normandy. For being unworthy of you and for letting the Alliance dismiss your findings about the Reapers. He didn’t fight them, just went along with it, like a good little soldier. I found it sickening to watch. You died…and I had no purpose, no drive to live without you. All I had left was fury, a motivation to right the wrongs, to punish those deserving of it. I knew I would die there. I did, I knew it…and I was ready, prepared even, to die there. I quickly found out I simply couldn’t live without you, Lily. I just couldn’t.”
Garrus takes a deep breath before continuing, “The second I saw you on Omega, I recognized you. The way you moved, it was exactly the same. No one moves like you do. You had that same unique aura that always surrounds you, the strength of your power almost shimmering around you. I was so sure I was hallucinating. That my sleep deprived brain was playing tricks on me. I thought I was dying. That with my last breath, my last conscious thought, my mind was so focused on your memory that it felt real.”
Lily lightly caresses the scars on his face, and smiles. The tears in her eyes no longer full of sadness but shine with pure radiance. The turian brings his head down and touches foreheads with Shepard. “Touching foreheads is a sign of affection in turian culture,” he explains. Garrus, of course, doesn’t mention that this behavior is almost entirely exclusive to bond-mates and families. He needs to touch her like this, to feel the comforting presence of her skin against his. He needs it with a desperation he has never felt before. Although their relationship is just beginning, what he feels for her is strong. Far stronger than he has ever felt before.
The two stay that way for a long time, just looking at each other and smiling with the joy of knowing they have a second chance, one they aren’t wasting. They have a chance to be together, a chance to fall in love and be loved in return. To be secure in the fact that at least one person has your back, trusts you, believes in you, even if no one else does.
- 8
- 9
- 10
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Shepard Finds Her Soul Mate