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Pinzu vs The Pussy (A 100% Orange Juice Adventure)	By : Boo-Sama Category: -Misc Video Games/RPGs > AU - Alternate Universe Views: 2725 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This fanfiction is based on the characters and fandom of 100% Orange Juice. I do not own 100% Orange Juice, nor do I make a profit from this story.

Chapter List
- 8
- 9
- 10
(Note: The following chapters are being edited, and are not up to standard with the rest of the story. You may read on, but it may not be accurate with what has been established in the edited chapters, and grammer will be segnificantly worse.)
*Tappity Tappity Tappity Tappity Tappity Tappity tappy tap. Tappity Tappity Tappity Tappity Tappity Tappity tappy tap.*

*Tappity Tappity Tappity Tappity Tappity Tappity tappy tap. Tappity Tappity Tappity Tappity Tappity Tappity tappy tap.*

“Sloooow down we’ve got time left to be lazy. All the kids have bloomed from babies in the flowers in our eyes. We’ve got 50 good years left to spend out in the garden, I don’t care yo beg your pardon- We should live!... Until we die”

Kiriko was finally slapped in the face by Peat, freeing her from her massive musical funk. She shook her head, and spat out some access spit she had gathered in her mouth.

“Oh that’s lovely. Thanks for spitting on my floor, jackass.” Peat said, smoking a cigarette. Kiriko looked around, confused. Her, Pinzu in a orange prison outfit, Kai also in a orange prison outfit, and Sham were all next to each other with cuffs on both their hands and legs tied to a wooden bench in what looked like a jail cell. Peat sat across from them on a stool, still smoking.

“Um…. What…. What happened last night?” Kiriko asked groggily, her brain doing nothing but sing The Gambler for the last few hours or so.

“Last night Peat stole one of Saki’s grenades and killed Constable Cuddles after leaving her alone in her room. He then ran down to the vat room, used the code he learned you used for it, which by the way IS THE ONLY CODE YOU USE FOR ALL OF YOUR IMPORTANT SCIENCE SHIT,” Kiriko just sorta shrugged to this

“I have a lot of science shit, okay? Can’t make a code for everything, so I stuck to just one to keep things simple. I didn’t think anyone would go PEEPING AS I TYPED MY CODES, PEEEEEEAAAAAAT, jesus” After Kiriko said this, Kai continued.

“....... To release the giant Mutant Pinzu we saw earlier, then ran back to Saki’s room However as he did so, the power went out. During all that, QP was trying to apologize to Syura, but since Syura was so invested in her games she didn’t even realize QP was there, so QP cut the power, disguised as Peat, and then tried to talk to Syura about herself. Peat planned only for the Mutant Pinzu to be out, which wouldn’t be a problem for him since all the guest rooms are impossible for the mutant to break into EXCEPT yours, Kiriko, since your room for some reason has a massive fucking vent, and since you let him into your room when he visted you, he knew this. His plan was not for the mutant to kill you, but rather scare you out of the tower where an armed force of cops he called somewhere along the lines called here to arrest you for crimes against humanity, several kidnappings, murder, ect. At least, that was the original plan. When the power went out, what happened was that everyone ended up gathering in the main room downstairs, we went Salem on one another, I figured out the mystery BUT Saki cut me off derailing it to QP’s bullshit, then Syura killed QP in a blind rage, then pimped out on us with QP’s pirate coat. We all got arrested, and now we’re here.” Kai turned towards Peat “Am I on the money of what the fuck happened last night?”

“You forgot the part where there was basically no sex and my guardian angel didn’t make a cameo” Pinzu added. Kai headbutted Pinzu, who was right next to him. He would ask what Pinzu was talking about, but really it’s Pinzu. As if it would make any sense if he explained it.

“I’m not asking you. The point is last night was a clusterfuck. Again, Peat, how close am I to being right? Cause I spent ALL last night coming with that theory only to be derailed by Syura murdering QP in cold blood”.

“Pretty on the mark, Kai” Peat replied post exhaling. “I’m sure something got muddled in the mix, but who cares? Point is you guys are all going to jail… Except maybe Sham, we need to look into her”. He finished.

“What the H did I do!? I was drugged and stuffed into someone’s bathroom in a gimp suit for the past week!!!” She yelled, trying to wiggle free of her cuffs “I wasn’t even there to arrest Kiriko, I was doing an anonymous check for someone!”

“Who?” Asked both Peat and Kiriko at the same time.

“...... Someone Anonym-”

“I’m pretty sure it was Kyoko” Kai blurted out. Everyone was now staring at him. “In my room I found the… And I quote “Scientifically Accurate Atheism Bible”, which was written by both Kiriko and Kyoko. This is more or less my own assumptions, but seeing how usually two people don’t just randomly write an entire bible together about their mutual feelings of how fucking stupid god is in their own opinion, it’s safe to say the two had some form of, at the very least, professional relationship. I have no idea what that included, but if Kyoko wasn’t with Kiriko in that tower, that either means A, she’s working with her from a remote location, or B, they cut connections with one another. However, B seems more likely given that, if it’s true, she might send someone over to check on Kiriko without her knowledge to see what Kiriko’s doing in her absence. But of course, she sent a cop, and Kiriko had to “dispose” of her via shooting her with a tranq dart, putting her in a gimp suit, purposefully rusting her zippers shut, tying her up, then throwing her in my room’s bathroom since I was the last person she expected to come to the tower…. I still don’t know WHY she has a room for everyone in the OJverse, but with everything provided, that’s just my best guess. Kiriko, how close am I?”

“..... Bitch, I don’t fucking know, half that shit it beyond me. Yeah, I took down Sham because she was a cop, and why wouldn’t I? I was going to interrogate her but I…. Yeah, I just forgot”. Kiriko blushed a bit, embarrassment of admitting she absentmindedly forgot where she hid Sham setting in. “Also don’t talk about Kyoko anymore, I don’t really want to open that door again”. Kai smiled a bit from this, knowing he totally just fucking solved the shit out of this case… At least mostly… Maybe.

“Are you done with this episode of “Kai Explains it All?”” Peat asked, snuffing out his cigarette…. On Pinzu’s forehead.

“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!! NOT AGAIN!!!” Pinzu screamed as Peat did this. Peat just chuckled as he watched Saki’s rapist squirm in pain. It was good to be a cop sometimes.

“Thank you for that, but no, there’s one last thing we need to go over”. Kai took a deep breath…. “You’re a piece of shit, Peat”.

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! SHOTS FIRED!!! SHOTS FIRED!!!!” Laughed Kiriko, the sick burns flooding the room, both metaphorically and literally.

“HEY! SHUT UP!” Peat said, bashing Kiriko over the head with a nightstick. She quieted down, but still giggled “Do any of you think I wanted to do this shit!? No, I didn’t. But if I didn’t turn you people in, I’d be losing my badge, and I worked DAMN HARD to get where I am now!” He turned to Sham “Firstly, you’re gonna be losing your badge, maybe spend a few years behind bars for doing uncommunicated spywork” he turned to Kiriko “You’re most likely going to get the damn chair for all this creepy bullshit you’ve done” turned to Kai “Several accounts of vehicular manslaughter in public most likely jail for life” and finally to Pinzu “And I don’t even have to start with you, Mr. Shootsacopwithtwinrevolvers”.

“HEY! I lost control of my taxi when that guy caused me to crash into a truck!!!” Kai said, leaning towards Pinzu “I tried to guide the taxi away from the public!!! Anything I did that harmed anyone was THIS fuckers fault!!!” Kai began to get red, but Peat kept his cool.

“Yeah, well, I don’t have any evidence of that. Saki won’t talk to me after what happened last night, Pinzu’s word is trash, and personally, I’m willing to let you drop just for the “your an asshole Peat” line. So please, kindly go fuck yourself”. Peat responded to Kai, getting out another cigarette.

“Peat, what the fuck are you doing!?” Sham yelled, trying once again to wiggle free “I mean fudge, I me- WHATEVER!!! You’re a cop, not a vigilante! Besides, Kai saved so many people in that tower I think it’s worth letting him sli-” Peat cut her off.

“I DON’T CARE!!! Alright? Not like what I say on the matter means anything. You’re all going to be taken to the chief, and she’ll dictate what’ll happen to you. Till then… I need a damn drink” Peat then walked out of the room, smoking his cig, leaving the 4 alone. Kiriko immediately got her hand out of her bond and began tapping on her hairpin again.

“Wait, you weren’t cuffed this entire time?” Kai asked Kiriko.

“I was, but thankfully that dumbass and his blue ball brigade forgot to pat me down, dumbasses” After the author stole that joke for this part’s name,she continued to tap on her pin until, suddenly, it made a small jingle that sounded like the trumpet solo done at the beginning of a horse race “Ah! That’s a relief. Alright everyone. Sit back, and relax while you can.” Kiriko then reclined in her seat.

“... Why? What did you do!?” Sham asked, very rightfully concerned.

“You’ll see. Just know help is on the way”.

Peat walked into the control room, and slumped over on the chair in front of the controls. He grabbed a shot glass from a cabinet to the left of the room, and held it out. A robo ball with a tiny top hat and monocle then flew over and filled it with whisky, and Peat sucked the shot down.

“Sire, I would suggest that you read up on the news. Many things have happened while you were gone, including your death.” Butler Ball said. Peat decided that would most likely be a good idea, and booted up the mini-computer that was in the center of the control panel.

“Alright, let’s see what the damage is…. “Peat assumed dead after horrific plane accident, no body found”. Really should have expected better from me, I mean, I’ve survived worst…. Then again I did die but then got better…. Eh, whatever. Let’s see “Saki assumed dead after horrific Taxi accident, no body found”... Shit, that’s no good. Her family is most likely worried sick…. If they count as family….. Oh well, after some questions she’ll be going home, so whatever. “Antique boat stolen from Fernet’s shipyard. 2,000,000 Dollar reward for whoever can return boat, and a 500,000 dollar bounty for whoever claims the people who stole it, whoever they are. Confirmed two thieves at minimum, along with several hundred mindless chickens”. That… Sounds familiar”

“Sire, why are you talking to yourself?” Butler Ball asked, hovering.

“I don’t know, just there’s someone else in the room and I feel like I’m half talking to you while talking to myself.” Peat flicked through the news quietly for a few minutes, scrolling though, seeing what was to be seen. He occasionally gandered over the controls to see where the ship was going. They finally were almost across the sea, and back in town. He could see in the far distance the same beach he had crashed around, as well as a large crime scene over the general area the Taxi must have crashed…. He also saw someone flying in the way of the ship. Peat, immediately confused, grabbed a mic, and began talking out the ship’s exterior megaphones.

“CIVILIAN, THIS IS A-”

“WHERE’S SAKI!?!?” Nanako yelled back, bits swirling all around her.

“I… UM” Peat took a moment to think. He knew Saki was okay, if a bit salty from the whole “him arresting everyone she made friends with” thing. However, he also knew Nanako, according to the news articles he just read, didn’t know that. How she knew she wasn’t dead was just about anyone's guess, but regardless, he couldn’t give Saki back quite yet. If he were to, his boss would surely have his ass for letting go of someone who was an eyewitness to one of the largest crime sprees of the year. Granted, Saki most likely has nothing of use to say, but the boss doesn’t know that, and at least having Saki prove she doesn’t know much spite being there the entire way would at least help Peat’s case.

“SHE…. SHE’S FINE. SHE WILL BE RETURNED AFTER QUESTIONING ABOUT EVENTS THAT WILL BECOME PUBLIC SOON. YOUR CONCERN IS JUSTIFIED, BUT YOU ARE INTERFERING WITH A POLICE ESCORT, AND YOU WILL BE TAKEN INTO CUSTODY IF YOU DO NOT CLEAR THE WAY ASAP.”. Peat replied. “Nice” he thought to himself. That was pretty clean, pretty self explanatory, ect. There’s no room for error in that, and Nanako should understand that everything is going to be o-

“How about this? You give me back Saki or I blow up your entire ship?” Nanako replied. God damned fucking woman, they’re all the fucking same, aren’t they!? Never thinking about logical reasoning, just emotional bullcrap. Oh my fucking god, it’s never simple, is it!? Jesus christ.

“WOMAN, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY OR I'LL MOW YOU DOWN LIKE A FUCKIN-” Nanako shot Peat’s megaphone with a Bit-Beam, exploding it. She then flew over the shup and began raining down laser beams of death. “God fucking damnit- BUTTLER BALL! GET THE NORTH-LOWER DECK BALL-ARMADA OUT THERE AND STOP HER!!!” Peat screamed, getting out of his chair and grabbing a Luger Pistol.

“I can’t sire, it is under attack.” Butler Ball responded, still hovering cutely.

“Yeah, no shit it’s under attack, WE’RE UNDER ATTACK!!! GET THEM OUT OF THERE AND INTO THE FRAY!!!” Peat screamed again, loading the pistol.

“Can’t sire. They are being attacked by an entirely different force entirely.” Peat immediately stopped in his tracks, stowed away his gun, and grabbed Butler Ball.

“WHAAAT!?!? HOW LONG HAD THIS BEEN GOING ON!?!?” He screamed at the tiny ball, shaking it a bit.

“About 12 minute, sire. I thought you should read the news first before I informed you of the invasion” Peat stared at the retarded little ball for a little bit, then punted it out the damn window. Peat got his gun back out, and stormed down the stairs, ready for a fight. He was right in front of the door to the North-Lower deck. He took a deep breath, and opened the door…. Only to be introduced by a giant, frozen, reptilian eye. Right below it was a speaker the beast had snached from somewhere. The speaker, spite being disconnected, began talking.

“HERE’S A REAL HIGH CLASS BOU-” Peat immediately slammed the door, and barricaded it with a nearby chair.

“NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. FUCK THAT.” He yelled to himself as he walked away. He had no idea how that thing managed to wiggle onto the ship, but knowing how fucking stupid Robo Balls are when unattended, it didn’t really surprise him that thing somehow managed to get on. Alright, so the top is under attack by Nanako, and the Abominable Snowbitch is wrecking the north-lower deck. However, there was ONE MORE DECK that wasn’t the medical ward, and that’s the South-Lower deck. He opened the door and- oh you gotta be fucking kidding me.

“..... YOU” It said, making a beeline for Peat the second it saw him. Peat once again slammed the door, and ran back to the control room. This ship was now officially filled with all of Peat’s worst nightmares, exception being Marc during her time of the month. However, unknown to them, Peat officially had nothing to lose,. This ship was going down one way or another, and his job was fucked seeing how his surprise plan to capture Kiriko was going south faster than those poor balls in the Lower-South wing. Upon reaching the control room, Peat broke the glass to the self-destruct button with the hilt of his gun and began pressing it at roughly mach 1.

“SELF-DESTRUCT ACTIVATED. ACTIVATING IN 60- 50- 40- 30- 20- 10 MINUTES- MINIM- MINIM- MINIM- MINIM- MINIM- MINIM- MINIMUM TIME AMOUNT HIT.” A feminine A.I voice said as Peat mashed the button, stopping at about the time you think he did. The voice echoed through the entire ship, letting all the balls, prisoners, and attackers they had about 10 minutes till this thing exploded.

“GOD DAMMIT, COME ON!!! JUST GIVE ME THIS!!!!” Yelled Peat, slamming the self-destruct. Monster 2 broke its way into the control room.

“MOTHER FUCKER” it boomed, charging into the room.

“PLEASE NO, NOT THE FACE!!!” Peat screamed, clenching his face.

“SELF-DESTRUCT ACTIVATED. ACTIVATING IN 60- 50- 40- 30- 20- 10 MINUTES- MINIM- MINIM- MINIM- MINIM- MINIM- MINIM- MINIMUM TIME AMOUNT HIT.”

Kiriko heard this, and her calm demeanor immediately dropped. She got out a bottle of acid out and poured it over her leg shackles, and got out of her seat.

“Okay, evidently we don’t have as much time as I thought. Let’s snap crackle and- shit I already used that one- WHO CARES!?” She then poured acid on the shackles of Kai and Pinzu’s shackles. Some got on them, but strangely, it didn’t burn them, only the metal cuffs.

“Wait, what about Sham?” Kai asked, shaking off his melting cuffs.

“Kiddo, I don’t think that towel is going to half our cleaning time. If anything, it’s only gonna double it. Now let’s go!” Sham immediately let out a massive fucking groan after hearing that.

“See, that’s why I don’t tell people my name” Sham said, laying back, knowing she was fucked. Instead of leaving it at that, Kai grabbed Kiriko by the neck with his red right hand, and began to warm it up.

“OW, OW, OW, OKAY! YOU WIN! JUST TAKE THE ACID!!!” Kriko yelped as he neck burned. Kai took her acid and coated Sham’s cuffs with it. In a matter of moments, Sham was able to break free.

“Wh… Why?” Sham asked Kai “You’ve got everything you need to escape! Why did you free me?”

“Cause I’m not a piece of shit who lets people drop because their inconvenient to me, and you’re not even that.” Kai outstretched a hand to Sham, and she took it, letting Kai help her up. “I’d still be trapped in my room if you didn’t help me through the vents, so I should be thanking you right now. Only thing you did that was somewhat “inconvenient” was not tell me your name at first, but after the joke Kiriko just made” He broke eye contact with Sham to glare at Kiriko “Yeah….. I sorta get it now”.

“Alright, I get it, jesus christ.” Kiriko said, breaking up their little moment as Kai stared into her soul. “LOOK! Your Waifu is free, can we go now?” Kiriko asked. Kai did not take fondly to this at all.

“WAIFU!?!? I’m just trying to be a MORAL HUMAN BEING!!! Maybe you and Pinzu should look into trying that shit sometime!” Kai replied.

“HEY! I saved Saki like three times now! Oh, and I saved Peat, and Suguri, and Hime, and basically all of you from Uznip, and I am yet to get any thanks for that, so I think I’m doing pretty good on the whole “being moral” thing” Pinzu cut into Kiriko and Kai’s argument.

“You totally had sex with everyone on that list besides Peat, didnt you?” Kai asked Pinzu back.

“..... That’s besides the point.”

“Wait, when did he have sex with Suguri and Hime, or even Kiriko for that matter… Actually, wait, Saki? What?” Sham asked, completely out of the loop.

“Shut up! I gave all of you MIRACLE checkups, so I think I’m pretty good on the moral spectrum too, shitface!” Kiriko replied, silencing Sham and focusing her anger at Kai.

“YOU MADE ME A FREAK YOU SADISTIC BITCH!!!” Kai screamed, raising his red right hand.

“Oh so NOW WE’RE KINK SHAMING ARE WE!?” Kiriko yelled at Kai. Kai’s face turned red.

“... WHAT!?!?” Kai yelled, now very uncomfortable and confused.

“Dude, not cool” Pinzu said, shaking his head in the direction of Kai. Kai just raised his hands in defeat and dropped them limply, sighing.

“That’s what I thought, now-” Kiriko grabbed the door handle, and tried to force it open. However, it was locked… Who knew? “Alright, shit. Kai, pass me the acid”. She asked, reaching her hand out towards him as she fiddled with the door.

“... Uh… I kinda used the last of it” Kai responded, passing the bottle anyways. Kiriko immediately tossed it back at Kai, who ducked, causing it to hit Pinzu instead.

“FINE! Whatever, I’m sure I have SOMETHING in here that'll do the trick” Kiriko desperately shuffled through her coat trying to find something else that might help break this door down. “Shit, shit, shit, shit, SHIT!!! I DON’T HAVE ANYTHING!!!” Kiriko screamed, hysterically.

“WHAT!?!? SO WE’RE STUCK HERE!?!?” Kai screamed back

“Fuck no, I’m just pulling your leg. I got this here protible laser-glass cutter. This door should be no match for it”, she then put the cutter onto the door. “Alright, lemme just hit this a-” suddenly the door was bashed down but a monster, knocking back Kiriko and sending shards of door everywhere. The smoke cleared revealing the beast.

“.... No way” Kai muttered, staring in utter disbelief.

“FRIENDS!!!” Constable Cuddles yelled. Cuddles was a lot more bruised up then usual. He was signed in a few places, one of his button eyes were badly scratched, and he was a bit smaller then when the gang last saw him.

“But! But you were blow to smithereens! How did you-” Kai was then cut off by the ship’s interior speakers.

“5 MINUTES TILL SELF-DESTRUCT.”

“Explain later. RUN, NOW.” Constable Cuddles made a 180 and ran began running. With the door open, everyone began to fucking boogie out. The team split up. Kiriko went lone wolf, Kai, Sham, and Cuddles went to the top deck to find a way off, and Pinzu went off looking for Saki, naturally. They had 5 minutes to proove that teamwork really can make the dream work.

Saki was sitting in the lounge, the T.V showing reruns of “Friends”, still tied up from last night. She thought the show was funny, at least to a mediocre degree. She personally identified the most with Phobie out of the main cast, but she was nowhere as common a character as Saki would have liked. Saki really wished Peat had put on Chowder. That show was the best while it was airing. The character of Chowder himself Saki always found endearing, the food theme was amazing (Saki loved food and cooking), the plots were easy to follow, ect. Nanako also liked Chowder, but then again she was always reading a book while they watched it, but she always assumed she liked it so much she read a book during it to up the fun even more, since she was always a big fan of reading. Saki was never really that good at reading, it was always mostly a big pool of symbols she could never wrap her head around. How can one person look at all that and come up with a congruent thought, as well as visualize an entire world from those words at the same time? It was weird for Saki, but she was a little ashamed to admit it did intrigue her a little bit. Nanako always loved books. She always said books were- Oh snap, speaking of Nanako, she just exploded in through the ceiling!

“Oh hi Nanako! I was watching… Um… Oh right! I think it was called Friends! It’s not that bad, but it-” Nanako cut off Saki via hug. “OH WOW, NANAKO! You rarely ever give hugs! What’s up?”

“WHADDAMEANWHYIMHUGGHINGYOU!?” Nanako slurred through tears “EVERBODYTHOUGHTYOUWEREDEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!!!” Her grip on Saki tightened, cutting off some circulation in Saki’s body.

“Why would everybody think that? I’m alive!... I think I am…. Am I alive?” Saki genuinely asked. Nanako only clutched her harder.

“You really haven’t changed a bit, have you?” Nanako asked, sobbing.

“Nope!” Saki replied happily. Suddenly, Pinzu kicked the door to the room down, which was locked, btw. “OH HI PINZU! Nanako! This is Pinzu! He’s saved my life about 3 times over the span of less than a week! Maybe more, actually. I lost track!!!” Saki finished. Nanako’s attention was then on Pinzu, who was now shaking since he was now the presence of what he could only imagine was Saki’s bodyguard, who would most likely would not take kindly to him raping Saki, wet dreaming about Saki, and raping Saki in a giant mutant form. Nanako cut Saki free using a mini bit-beam, and walked up to Pinzu. She looked up to him, mostly due to being short, and asked.

“Did… Did you?” Pinzu sweated at this question.

“Uh.. Yeah! I saved her from a crashing taxi, a pirate ship raid, a giant mutant snowball, and a giant killer version of myself!... It’s been a long week”. Pinzu replied. Nanako became sceptical.

“Uhuh. And why didn’t Saki come home after the taxi part?” Nanako asked, glaring.

“Well he had to go on a big quest to Kiriko’s Tower, and I couldn’t just let him go alone without help!” Saki replied, bailing Pinzu out “It was my choice to follow him. Besides, going on an adventure sounded like fun!”. Nanako pieced Saki’s story together with Pinzu’s. Kiriko’s Jungle did have a lot of weird shit on it, pirates did exist, and it’s easy to assume Kiriko tried to clone Pinzu for whatever reason, creating a monster in the process.

“Well… Th- thank you” Nanako said, keeping a straight face. “For everything… You’re cool, I guess.” There was an awkward pause from her. She opened her mouth to talk, but-

“2 MINUTES TILL SELF DESTRUCT.”

“Isn’t that what Alte does all the time?” Saki asked Nanako.

“Shit, we gotta go! Thank you again, Pinzu, for everything! But we gotta go!!!” Nanako picked up Saki in her arms and got ready to dash out.

“WOAH WOAH! WAIT! WHERE ARE YOU TAKING SAKI!?” Pinzu asked. As he did, a bit flew up to him, spat out a small piece of paper with an address, and flew back to Nanako.

“I’m taking her home! Visit us sometime! Alright? I’m sure Saki would appreci-” And then Nanako charged through the ceiling, and into the sky. She then darted back towards civilization. Pinzu looked at the paper… HE JUST GOT A GIRL’S DIGITS!!! YES!!! HE’S NOT A LOSER!!!! Pinzu headed for the ship’s deck before the thing went extra crispy.

Kiriko ran though the the ship, black bag of loot over her shoulder. She had already grabbed everything she wanted from this place before it went down (including some of Peat’s extra fancy ass liquor), and made her way up to the deck, tapping her angry cat hairpin as she went. Everybody was there, excluding Saki.

“Yo, where’s the section 8?” Kiriko asked, panting a bit from the running.

“... Who?” Asked Pinzu.

“Dude, that’s a full metal jacket/army reference! It means, like, mental defective” Kai answered. Kiriko in return gave him a thumbs up.

“..... Oh…. HEY, THAT’S MEA-”

“1 MINUTE LEFT TILL SELF DESTRUCT!”. After the robotic voice said that, Kiriko’s pin pinged.

“ALRIGHT CHUCKLESHITS, HERE’S WHAT’S GOING DOWN!!!” Kiriko yelled to get her point across. “Plan A was for my guys to raid this ship and save us, but since SOMEBODY hit the self destruct, that’s not going to work, since that’d take at least 30 minutes to set up. So we’re gunning for plan B, which is-” Kiriko walked over to the edge of the ship “aim for the casino” Kiriko then jumped off the edge of the ship. Kai ran over to get a look at where she was falling. They were miles above the city below them, and far, far below the clouds, a large, flashy building could be seen. That same building’s roof was also opening slowly.

“30 SECONDS TILL SELF-DESTRUCT!”

Kai stared down at the oblivion below. Eventually, he threw up his arms and said “FUCK IT!” and jumped.

“KAI NO!!!” Sham screamed, flying over the edge to save him. Pinzu looked over at Cuddles beside him.

“So…. I know me and you aren't the best of friends, I mean, you had a kill order on me and everything, but-”

“JUMP” Cuddles boomed.

“OK!!!!” Pinzu said, panicked. He then ran off the edge of the ship, flailing his arms. Cuddles did the same.

“10… 9… 8… 7… 6… 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… REMEMBER ME <3”

*BOOOOOOOM*

The ship exploded into a fireball of death and destruction. Shrapnel and the dreams of several lost Robo Balls rained from the sky, as well as several sentient snowflakes from the giant fucking snow cone monster that was also inside. Sham darted down as fast as she could and grabbed Kai, letting herself descend at gravital speed to talk.

“WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUU- FFFLIP IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!?” She screamed at Kai “DID YOU REALLY JUST JUMP OFF A CLIFF BECAUSE KIRIKO TOLD YOU TO!?!?”

“Well, I mean, she’s insane, but if she jumped off first, that kinda tells me she knows what she’s talking about” Kai replied, upping tone to be heard over the rippling wind. Sham simply glared at him. He then looked at his red right hand. “.... Shit, that was a terrible idea, wasn’t it?”

“*Siiiigh* Yeah, it was. But lucky for you, I give a shnikey about the people I’m supposed to protect, unlike some other people”. Sham said, looking back at the explosion.

“You really didn’t like Peat all that much, did you?”

“Well, he’s not a BAD person.” Sham began, struggling to say something else “But… People like him shouldn’t be cops, I’ll say that much. Being an officer of the law, no matter your rank is, isn’t a competitive sport. It’s about protecting and serving the people.” Sham and Kai fell for a bit longer. Sham looked at Kai, but he only made a small rotating motion with his hand, implying he wanted her to continue. “What? What more do you want me to say?”

“I dunno. This seems like something you're passionate about. I’m not gonna tell anyone, just say what you think! We’re not going to be landing anytime soon”. Sham looked down after Kai finished, seeing how yeah, they did have at least 3 solid minutes of falling left until Sham could justify pulling up, so she took a deep breath, and continued.

“Look, in my personal opinion, I think we have the “protect” part fine here. It’s the serving part we seem to have forgotten. Basically everyone on the force, including Peat, are all obsessed over catching criminal, stopping law breakers, and boasting about how many criminals and lawbreakers you busted in the last week. In those terms yeah, Peat’s got me long beat. But whatever happened to actually helping the people we’re protecting? It’s like our only job is to stand around and enforce the law given by people who, half the time, aren’t even qualified to be making those laws in the first place! I want to actually HELP the people of the world! Not invoke terror in them to never “do wrong”. Most cops hit the pup after work, drinking away, gloating about how many people the cracked in the face with a nightstick, and I’m over here doing COMMUNITY FUCKING- I mean fudging, WHATEVER!!! COMMUNITY SERVICE!!! Not cause I need to, or did anything wrong, but because I WANT TO! I WANT to help people! I WANT to make people’s lives easier! I want people to think of me as more than just the hand of the law, I want them to see me as someone willing to genuinely help them! We should be more than just law enforcement, we should be guardians of the people! Icons of hope, charity, and everything GOOD in the world!!! Sure, we have to get dirty once and a while, but that shouldn’t be something we pat ourselves on the back for doing!!! That should be a disgrace thing for anyone to do, to take someone away to a dark place for a large portion of their life, or even take their life entirely for the good of everyone else, not something to be celebrated!!! What do you think?” Kai thought about what Sham said for a bit, trying to- “Actually hold that thought, we’re about to hit the ground” Sham suddenly, before landing inside the casino, made a smooth 90 turn away from it, and into the city.

“Wait, what about the oth-” Sham the put a finger over Kai’s mouth.

“Do you really give a shit- I mean shinkey, fuck- FUCK- FUDGE- THERE WE GO!!!!!” She asked, attempting to catch her own mistake. Kai thought about it…. Pinzu was a rapist bastard, Kiriko turned him into a freak, and last he checked Cuddles still wanted him dead. The only people he really gave a shit about was QP, Syura, Saki, and before he turned into a bastard, Peat though this entire journey. Now all those people were either M.I.A or flat out dead. However, to say he didn’t care AT ALL what happened to them would be a lie. Kai was always a glass half full kinda guy, and he didn’t want to see any real harm done to anyone, even pieces of shit like Pinzu.

“I mean.. I kinda care!...? They’re still people. Where are we even going!?” Kai asked as Sham flew past several buildings, signs, and lights at high speed.

“We’re going to OJPF’s HQ, we’re going to get YOUR name cleared, and we’re going get an actual police force to bust every single person at that casino who isn’t a pedestrian. If Kiriko was able to communicate with that place to get it to open their roof for WHATEVER reason, that must mean they work for Waruda, which also implies that’s their HQ. If we can get the force to fry them while they’re in open, we can get everyone in the Waruda arrested in a single foul swoop without any unneeded bloodshed .” She said while focusing on not crashing into a sign. “I mean, yeah, it’s hypocritical to be saying all this after saying I really don’t like arresting people, and I still don’t but Waruda are like THE top criminal organization in OJ. I can’t just let them slide past after seeing first hand where their base is!”

“Um.. I guess that’s.. Cool?.. Wait, you’re gonna clear my name? Why?” Kai asked.

“Well, from both the things you’ve said and done, I think I can safely say you have nothing to hide. I mean, you essentially saved the life of me, someone who could easily turn you in and have you locked up forever BEFORE you knew my belief system on that, from a self destructing airship when you could have just left me behind. If you did do something wrong, I’d most likely be dead, unless you’re just that stupid”.

“Look, I’m not going to deny I accidentally killed a lot of people in that Taxi. But I did my best to get it under control in that scenario. Pinzu for whatever reason pulled a gun on me, I panicked and lost control, I hit some people, and after being hit by a truck and living, the car’s gas got stuck. I then tried to get to a beach away from people, but in the process attracted Peat with my uncontrollable driving, and he began shooting at me while also demanding I stop in the name of the law, or something. I mean, I can try to justify what I did all I want, to boast how I tried to get the car away from the entire thing, but in the end, it still happened, an-” Sham once again put a finger on Kai’s lip.

“You were held at gunpoint, that’s all I need to know. None of that was your fault, and Peat should have tried to stop the car rather than destroy it with passengers inside. I’m going to get your name cleared, okay?” She told Kai in an almost motherly voice. Kai nodded.

“Thanks... Um... Officer”. He said, trying to respect her.

“..... Nah, you can just call me Sham, if you want”.

Kiriko fell into the casino, and onto a stretched out safety net. She then rolled to the side as to avoid being crushed by Pinzu, and let him be crushed by Cuddles, who was fluffy, thus didn’t kill him. The three rolled off the net, and onto the floor of the casino safely. After they did, the roof closed up, and some machinery moved the net back up to the ceiling, and tucked it away to the side. Pinzu took a good look around. The place had a colored theme of gold and red, slot machines as far as the eye could see, a nice big craps table in the center, some- SHIT WHO’S THIS BEHIND HIM!?

“Who’s the normie?” Tomato asked Kiriko, staring at Pinzu. She had her right hand under her chain in an investigative way, walking around him slowly to get a good look at him.

“Oh that’s just some schmuck who traveled all the way to my place to get some high quality ruffies to drug Krilalaris, and in turn forced me to evacuate from it by unknowingly leading an undercover cop to it like a retard” Kiriko replied, picking up her bag of loot.

“Wow, he sounds like a real limpdick piece of shit! XD” Mimyuu added, poking Pinzu with the hilt of her hammer… She was also about the height of Pinzu’s stomach… This was getting weird.

“Nah bitch, check it!” Kiriko replied. She then grabbed both Pinzu’s orange prison pants and undies and pulled both down, revealing is massive 8 incher.

“WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH :O” Replied both Tomato and Mimyuu at the same (adding Mimyuu’s emoticon for convenience).

“I augmented this limpdick loser to have an actually sizable penis. Took it for a test drive last night, and it works WONDERS!” Kiriko boasted, throwing her bag on the craps table. Tomato and Mimyuu ogled over Pinzu’s dick like two elderly woman in their stich club who had discovered their old vibrator from their WILD years. As they inappropriately poked at it, Pinzu turned to Cuddles.

“So, I heard earlier today you exploded. That true?” Pinzu asked as his balls were weighed in Mimyuu’s hand.

“Yes” Cuddles replied in his usual deep, booming voice.

‘“Oh cool…. So, shouldn’t you be dead?”

“No… Well, yes, but no…” Cuddles began to think of a way to explain it “*sigh* Ever watch… Steven Universe?”

“Nope”

“Know basic gem rules?”

“Nope”

“Urg” Cuddles opened his chest, pouring out Peat’s mostly lifeless, beaten to shit body “See, Cuddles not fur, not stuffing, not yarn Cuddles not physical. Cuddles-” He pointed towards a large, 8 sided gem tucked in his fur along side a crap ton of ashes, blood, pudding, and vomit “Gem. Fur, stuffing, yarn, all catalysts. Use to take shape, interact, be real. Gem IS Cuddles. Use to speak, make flames, live, breath, so on. Gem break, Cuddles die.” He closed his chest back up “Gem cracked in explosion, not break. Cuddles in coma. However, someone fix. Gem fixes when heated. Someone heat up, fix gem. Not sure who, but did. Cuddles used minimal power, rebuild ground up. Imperfect, but usable… Need bath.” Cuddles paused for a moment, thinking. The Waruda girls stared at Peat’s mostly dead body, a bit odded out. Mimyuu grabbed a stick and began to poke Peat. He grunted as his wounds were prodded at.

“He’s alive! o.o” Mimyuu called out to the other two.

“Well I’ll be damned, I don’t know what’s more interesting! Amethyst of the Fluffy Bunnies revealing their secret weakness, or the fact that a king’s ransom just fell right out of his chest and into our lives!!!” Kiriko said, chuckling with glee, rubbing her hands together. “Krila’s downstairs in the interrogation room if you want her, by the way. Toss Peat in a cell while you’re down there too, would you?”

“KRILA!?!?” Cuddles yelled, button eyes springing to life.

“Krila” Kiriko replied, pointing downstairs. Cuddles booked it down there holding Peat in his wire hands, leaving a trail of blood behind him from Peat’s dripping mass.

“Kir, Krils isn’t even here! She’s at her house.” Tomato said, looking away from Pinzu’s member.

“Yeah, I know. I also know if nobody else is down there and someone enters, it locks down. Now that I know how he ticks, I might be able to incapacitate him and use his gem as a template to make something of my own along those lines.” Kiriko responded, walking over to a bar table and checking out the drink selection.

“But isn’t Cuddles important to Krila? Mimyuu doesn’t think that’s something she’d appreciate us doing <:T” Mimyuu added, still batting Pinzu’s dick a bit as if it was a cat toy.

“From what I heard, bitch most likely thinks he’s dead. So long as we say nothing about him, that won’t change, and we can do whatever we want with him”. Kiriko said, pouring herself a drink. “By the way you two can totally go fuck him in the lounge, I don’t really care”. Kiriko then took a sip of her drink, and immediately passed out cold from the death drink she poured herself (Yuki knows where to get the GOOD shit).

“YES!!! THANK YOU!!!” Tomato said to passed out Kiriko, dragging Pinzu to the lounge.

“MIMYUU HASN’T HAD ANY IN SO LONG!!! So excited!!!!! ^-^~” Mimyuu said as well, skipping along side Tomato. Pinzu really didn’t really have an opinion on the matter. On one had, both these girls were pretty flat and he wanted to have a steady relationship with Saki, but on the other, sex was sex… Pinzu decided to just go with the flow, Whatever happened, happened.

Tomato kicked the door down to the lounge, and tossed Pinzu onto the large, velvet, circular master bed. There was also a disco ball in the room, and a shit ton of lava lamps in there, like an absurd amount of lava lamps, like the the point of this room becoming a potential fire hazard there were so many lava lamps.

“Why are there so many lava lamps in here!?” Pinzu asked. Tomato unzipped her jumpsuit, forcefully RIPPED off her bra, causing her C cup breasts to jiggle free. She then tossed the bra at Pinzu and yelled-

“NO QUESTIONS, JUST SEX!!!” She yelled. She undid her hair, kicked her shoes off, and jumped into bed with Pinzu while Mimyuu slowly struggled with getting off her overly complex cat-jumpsuit. She then ripped Pinzu’s orange shirt off, revealing his rippling ab- I’m just kidding, he was a chubber.

“I-Is she even lega-”

“MIMYUU IS 22 YEARS OLD, FUCKFACE!!!! O_e” Mimyuu screamed at the top of her lungs before Pinzu could finish, having been asked that far too many times to the point of knowing when it’s about to be asked.

“Oh don’t worry about her, she’s just a lil jelly bean.” Tomato said seductively to Pinzu, flicking her long hair out of her face “AIN’T THAT RIGHT, MIMYUU!? YOU WISH YOU HAD BIG FAT TITS LIKE THESE, DON’CHA!?” Tomato sat up and began squeezing her average sized tits while yelling at Mimyuu.

“SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!! DX” Mimyuu cried, covering her still clothed tits in embarrassment.

“Heheh, ignore her. Now, let’s see about getting that lady-killer up, shall we?” Tomato then laying back down next to Pinzu, pulled his head towards her and kissed him, purposely flicking her hair over his neck to give off a comforting vibe. Her tongue wrapped around his making loud, fluid slurping noises, taking in every single last bit of Pinzu’s taste. She ended the kiss for a moment and, after a short wind up, spat into her right hand, then grabbed his half-flaccid cock, followed by stroking. She let him look down at the action, then forced another kiss on him, the action of kissing Tomato and receiving her handjob making him all the more harder. Tomato rotated between giving a handjob with full, long strokes, and stopping to simply squeeze it like a stress ball. As she went on, her stroke become quicker, and the pressure more aggressive. Pinzu gripped the back of Tomato’s head, fingers flowing through her long hair. He went down from there, down her back, down her spine, and to her ass. His hand curved around it, and with a finger, entered her prostate. Tomato orgasmed in Pinzu’s mouth, her moan of pleasure entering and phasing straight though Pinzu’s body, top to bottom. Tomato, still being fingered, released grip of Pinzu’s cock, and scooted her body more towards it, allowing it to be squeezed between her thighs. Tomato made thrusting motions as it rested between her legs, rubbing her vagina’s outer wall. Pinzu soon joined her in thrusting, doubling the speed and length of which it rubbed against all of Tomato’s sides. The kiss finally ended, and the two looked down at what they were doing, watching as Pinzu’s cock, slathered in Tomato’s spit, entered and exited between Tomato’s thighs. With their lips separated, Tomato’s tits bobbed on Pinzu’s bare chest, nipples rubbing up and down him. Pinzu tried his hardest to keep his load in, but with all these stimulants at the sam time, it was hard to do. It was like trying to clog a fire-house with your bare hands.

“INCOMING!!!! >:D” Yelled Mimyuu, finally in the buck, jumping in the air headed towards Pinzu. Tomato rolled off Pinzu and rolled him back up. Mimyuu landed square on Pinzu’d dick, instantly connecting her chamber with his basilisk. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaahhh~ X3”. Mimyuu came instantly from her small hole being filled to bursting by Pinzu’s oversized cock, spraying her fluids everywhere. “Ooooooh, It’s SO BIG!!! Gimme it, gimme it. <3” She moaned, moving her hips up and down Pinzu’s shaft. It was so unbearably tight, like trying to stick your dick in a froot loop, yet the tightness of it all, the pressure… It was amazing. Mimyuu was almost hopping up and down on Pinzu to get all of his length in, her tiny body struggling to dance up and down it thought natural means.Mimyuu groaned surprisingly loudly for her size, her moans of pleasure filling the room, being easily audible from outside the room. She had no shame, nore regrets. Only an undying need to pleasure herself, to feel like something more than she was. While Pinzu and Mimyuu were busy with their turn together, Tomato had gotten up off the bed and was pillaging a nearby chest of “toys” for something specific. Without warning, Tomato’s arms wrapped around Mimyuu during an upward movement, and thrusted into her. Mimyuu looked back to see what was happening, only to see Tomato penetrating Mimyuu’s rectum with a strap-on. “TO-TOMA-MMM!!! <:X” Mimyuu attempted to squeak, only for Tomato to ball-gag her from behind.

“Shhhhh, you wanted to be a big girl right? Well, WISH GRANTED!!!” Tomato began to force Mimyuu up and down Pinzu’s cock while thrusting into her ass. Tamato was laughing hysterically as Mimyuu drooled endless, the excess spilling onto Pinzu’s chest. Pinzu wasn’t sure what to think of the entire scenario, so he just closed his eyes and thrusted harder. To help himself cum, he grabbed Mimyuu’s boney asschecked and began squeezing what little skin there was. He gave a few hardy slaps to it, Mimyuu grunting with every hard slap. Tomato’s “extension”, upon hitting a certain button, began spinning at the base, speeding up over time, churning the insides of Mimyuu. As it did this, a small probe on the machine’s inner side wiggled deeper and deeper into Tomato's pussy, vibrating, sending a massively pleasurable sensation through her body. Eventually, the trio began to hit their limit. Their speeds accelerated massively, trying to get out the last of their stamina before the end hit. After what felt like a thousand more thrusts in only a few seconds, Pinzu emptied himself inside Mimyuu, and as he, Tomato’s extension squirted a hot load of artificial into both her and Mimyuu.

“MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!~ Xx” Mimyuu grunted as two senpais worth of seman made a glopping noise as it flowed into the deepest parts of her. *bad dum tss*

Before falling back onto the bed, Tomato took off Mimyuu’s ball gag. As she fell on the bed, the ball gag fell right out of her hands, and rolled away. Mimyuu slide forwards off Pinzu’s massive member, and onto Pinzu’s chest, sound asleep. In fact, both were sound asleep now, snoring soundly. Like a fucking animal, Pinzu made for the door, completely nude. When he oppned the door, he was greeted with handgun pressed against his forhead by Yuki.

“Kiriko told me you haphazardly spilled the private information of at least two people over a casual dinner, is this true?” She asked. Pinzu began sweating like a bitch.

“Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh…. No?” The safety turned off “OKAY YES!! YES I DID!!!”

“If you did that, how am I supposed to trust you to keep this hideout secret?” Yuki asked with a very, very stern face.

‘..... Cause I got 8 inches of pain babyyyyyyyyyyyyy?”

“... I don’t think so” Yuki then pulled the trigger and blew Pinzu’s brains out, spraying blood all over the lounge. Pinzu’s lifeless corpse slowly fell backwards, and soon fell to the ground without another sound. After letting him sit for a second, Yuki whistled, and some seagulls in black coats waddled in and began cleaning the blood off the floor, walls, lamps, and bed… Also Tomato and Mimyuu while they were sleeping. It was all over.

The End…?

Pinzu reawoke in the orange realm, once again dressed in his usual attire of a black sweatshirt hoodie and jeans. Roblox Sweet Breaker was playing paddle ball while sitting on the ground and making fart noises with her mouth. Pinzu questioned how she was able to be so good at it without fingers, but that was actually the least of his concerns right now.

“....... What the- OH! Hello my child! Have you died again?” Roblox Sweet Breaker asked, stowing away the paddle ball and getting up.

“Uh… Yeah… Shit, I completely forgot this was a thing.” Pinzu said, looking around the vast space of empty orangeness. He remembers the smell, the mist, the annoying ass stick of the candy mist. It was like being in a fever dream.

“Well, of course my child! You’re my special little angel, after all” She said, rubbing her stump against Pinzu’s cheek in an attempt to pinch it “Oh yes, and those files I brought up? If you can’t tell, done! So you can die as much as you want now without fear of your soul being tossed out like a used condom!” She said, bowing a little bit like a maid cafe waiter. Pinzu looked back at her with very, very confused eyes.

“There’s something wrong with you” he said, taking a step back.

“Wha? What do you mean, my child?” She asked, almost genuinely hurt.

“You’re being… Pleasant. The Roblox Sweet Breaker I know is the biggest cunt I know… Besides Yuki, now.”

“OH! Well you see, my child, I climaxed during that last fuck-round you had with Tomato and Mimyuu. VERY hot stuff, my child, my EXACT kink!”...... Pinzu pretended he didn't hear that.

“Okay, I think I’m ready to go back in now” He said as neutrally as he could, trying to show no emotion.

“Alright my child! You have a safe trip back. GIve’em hell!!!” She opened up a portal back to the realm of the living, and Pinzu jumped in.

After a short warp, Pinzu found himself, once again, in the alley his entire adventure started in. He took a nice, deep breath of the place, rememberin- WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SMELL!?!? He plugged his nose and looked around. His corpse from when he tried to revolver ocelot spin was still here, and by now it had fully fucking rotted…. And a pair of neglected revolvers was behind him in the spot he ressed after coming back from that… Pinzu tried to do some math in his head, which he sucked at, but thankfully, this was easy math. He vividly remembers that he picked up his revolvers from after dying, but since he carried his revolver over from when Krila killed him, the revolvers he had when he ocelot should have stayed in his inventory to start with. However, he KNOWS he didn’t have 4 revolvers on his adventure, meaning he somehow managed to drop those two revolvers after picking up his revolvers from his last life… How he managed to do that, he had no idea, but either way, it meant he was now restocked on his signature weapon! SWEET!!!.... Wait a second…. WAIT A SECOND, PINZU JUST HAD A FUCKING IDEA!!!!! He took one of the revolvers and shot himself in the head, killing himself in the process.

Pinzu re-arrived in the orange realm, Roblox Sweet Breaker looking incredibly pissed.

“MY CHILD, WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT SH-” Pinzu then grabbed Robox Sweet Breaker by her hard, rectangular shoulders, and started whispering her his idea. Her face stated with justifiable roblox anger, but as he went on, her face went from angry, to suprised, to enlightened, to mischievously smiling like a diabolical bastard, her block hand raising over her mouth slowly to control her own laughter. “My child…. MY CHILD!!! OH MY CHILD, YOU MAD FUCKING GENIUS!!!!” She yelled in delight, laughing at the idea of what he was about to attempt.

“CAN I DO IT, M’LADY!? PLEASE!?!? PLEASE!?!?!?” He asked, jumping up and down.

“FUCK. YES!!!! LET’S DO THIS SHIT, MY CHILD!!!!!” She opened a portal, and Pinzu jumped in.5 seconds later, he came back, jumped in the portal again, and reappeared. He wanted to visit Saki at her place, he really did. He lusted to feel her warmth on his again like they did in that perfect dream. However, she was in a safe place, and Yuki was most likely going to be skipping town within the next few hours. One of these activities were time based, and one was not, and god be damned, NOBODY MAKE PINZU LOOK LIKE A FUCKING LOSER EXCEPT HIMSELF!!!! And anybody who would break that sacred law MUST. FUCKING. SUFFER.

Sham finally landed with Kai in front of the OJPF HQ (entirely different from OJ HQ, I assure you). As soon as the two entered, Kai was immediately greeted to a taser to the balls, causing him to fall flat on the ground, out cold from the sudden pain. As several robo-balls moved in to detain him, Sham jumped in the way and outstretched her arms.

“WOAH WOAH WOAH!!! WHAT THE FU- FUDGE ARE YOU DOING!?” She yelled. As she did this, Sora came out from the back to investigate to commotion.

“Sham? Where have you been for the last few days? This absence will not go un-” Sham cut Sora off.

“I WAS BEING HELD HOSTAGE IN KIRIKO’S TOWER!!!” She paused for a moment, scanning Sora’s reaction, being somewhat surprised. Sham knew she couldn’t say she went there against orders to do an anonymous check, she’d lose both her job and, by extension, her only chance to help Kai, so she had to stretch the truth a bit. “I don’t exactly remember what happened, but I was just doing my rounds, and I passed out. When I woke up, I was bound in a gimp suit in Kiriko’s tower. If it wasn’t for this person, I’d most likely be dead.” She finished. It wasn’t the best excuse but since Peat was out of action, and no other person knew about Kai’s theory besides her, Kai, Saki, and Pinzu, and those other two were irrelevant at the time being. As far as Sora knew, this was the truth, and for the most part, it was.

“... I am sorry to hear of this, Sham. Forgive me for my hostility, but this person has committed several acts of vehicular manslaughter. No matter how kind hearted he may seem, he is still a murder-” Sham cut off Sora again, and told her of Kai’s side of the story, about Pinzu drawing a gun on him, Kai losing control, ect. Sora somewhere along the way took out a pen and paper, and began jotting down Sham’s story about Kai. Sham also told about the things Kai did to save her from the suit, how Peat had arrested her without asking a single question, how Kai stood up to her against Kiriko herself, ect. Sham finally finished her story, and Sora finished her notes. She put the notebook away. “Very interesting story, Sham. We’re still going to have to take him in for questioning, since it’s only protocol, but from what I hear, he does seem mostly clean.” Sora whistled, and the Robo Balls holo-caged Kai, and took him to the back room. Sham made a motion to stop them, but Sora stopped her by merely raising her hand in her way “No harm will be done to him, we simply need his account on the events that occurred that day. In the meantime, you said something about Kiriko escaping from Peat’s ship. Please, tell me where they hid”.

“I believe their hideout is in the lakeside casino. If we hurry, we can outnumber them before they have a chance to build a sizable defense.” Sham responded. Sora patted Sham on the back.

“Good. I’ll make some calls. Before I go, do you need anything? I’d believe you do, seeing how you’re wearing nothing but a shredded men’s shirt and ruined pants” Sham looked down… Yeah, she was indeed still wearing Kai’s clothing from the tower.

“Um… Yeah. I need a spare set of keys to my locker in the locker room.” Sham asked, blushing a bit. Sora gave a light chuckle and went backroom. She then tossed Sham some spare keys “Thanks Sora!” Sham called out. She then head over to a side room to get re-geared and re-dressed. A shitstorm was brewing, and she needed to get ready for it asap.

Kae had finally woken up from bed. Her eyes were open, yes, but she didn’t feel like getting up… Not yet, anyways. Didn’t feel like doing a lot recently, not after Suguri and Hime left, and especially not after Saki’s death. She missed having a full house of people to yell at. She missed Suguri’s blut responses to her crazy questions, Hime’s carefree nature and willingness for anything, and Saki’s supreme innocence to contrast the insanity. Only person she didn’t miss too much was Kyoko, but even she had her fun moments. The only person left was Nanako, and as much as she loved to tease the little squirt from time to time, after everyone else left, it lost its flavor. Kae would hit the town and find some new people to hang out with, but really, she was too scared to. Kae was shy, to most people’s surprise, and she never liked being alone, or the idea of being rejected. Her bombastic nature was really only there when she was around people she trusted. Now that she’s alone, the feeling has more or less faded….. Wait, where was Nanako anyways? Usually she was the one who wakes her up every morning to get Kae out… Kae, in a slightly worried mood, got out of bed to check the house. Everything was as she left it last night. Nanako’s keys were still missing, meaning she was still out. Did… Did something happen? No, she most likely went out to get food- but then again with Kae’s mood, she always tells her when she’s going to do something like th- Kae checked the fridge for a no- not there, where was the note!? There had to be some sort of note- WHERE WAS IT!?!?... There was no note. No sign of Suguri or Hime home either. She wouldn’t feel much better anyways, Saki was the glue that kept everything together, she was the one who usually INSPIRED everything Kae thought of doing!!! WHERE THE HELL WAS EVERYONE!?!? DID….. Did something happen?.... No….. Oh god no.

“NANAKO!? WHERE ARE YOU?” Kae asked, trying not to sound panicked “COME ON OUT! THIS ISN’T FUNNY, HA HA HA.” Kae’s heart was racing. She couldn’t be alone, she couldn’t!!! She tried to read Nanako’s presence but her mind was racing too fast to check. She tried to calm down, but her mind flashed to the news reports again. The crime sceen. The report about Saki- NO THAT CAN’T HAPPEN AGAIN!!! Everything’s fine, Nanako’s going to come back this is all a misunderstanding she can’t be gone!!! HA HA, she can’t be gone. She was the last person who gave a shit about her! She was the last person who ever bothered checking on her!!! Oh god this can’t be happening, this can’t be, IT CA-

*ding dong*

Kae, after getting out of the fetal position she just discovered she was in, made a move for the door…. The last time people ringed, it was because they needed to tell them Saki….. Her heart pounded again… This can’t happen again… Please, don’t let this happen again. She reached for the door knob, turned the handle, hands shaking…. She just had to pull…. Just pull…. Just pull…… JUST PULL!!!! She pulled the door open and-

“Hey Kae, I brought home a-”

“Hey Hey, Kae!!!” Saki cut off Nanako before she could finish, a big bright smile on her face. Kae…. Kae stared at Saki for a good long while, expressionless. Kae bent over a bit, reached her hand forward, and poked Saki’s face…. She did it again…. She did it again, realling pressing in to feel her puffy little cheek. Saki took it, her big, stupid face smiling as bright as it ever did…. Kae began to chuckle, trying to choke back tears, then began laughing. She kept poking Saki in the face in random spots, laughing as hard as she could. She hadn’t even realized she was now hysterically crying as she laughed, which caused Saki to become a bit concerned. Kae reached around Saki and picked the little lady up, bear hugging her as hard as she could, spinning Saki around as she did so. “WEEEEEEEEEE!!! HA HA!!! THIS IS FUN KAE!!!” Saki said as she spun around, hugging Kae back.

“IT… *SNIFF* IT IS!!!! It’s good to… It’s so good to see you again!!! *choke*”

“You wanna play something? OH! WANNA PLAY ACCELERATED MONOPOLY!? It’s been so long since I played a Kae-Board Game!” Saki asked, losing track of the fact Kae was hysterically crying all over Saki’s orange prison suit. Kae held Saki back a bit to look her in the face, and smiled.

“Yeah… Yeah we can totally do that!!! Nanako, you wanna join us!?” Kae asked, putting Saki down for a moment. Nanako sarcastically twiddled her thumbs.

“Hmmmmmmmmm, I don’t know, I got a lot of things to do” She watched Kae’s smile fade a bit “I think I can make time” Nanako finished, winking. Kae began to chuckle.

“You little piece of shit” Kae said, giving a light punch to Nanako’s shoulder.

“Ow, hey!” Kae then grabbed Nanako and Saki in her arms like they were duffle bags.

“C’MON GUYS!!! LET’S PLAY SOME MOTHER FUCKING MONOPOLY THE KAE-WAY!!!!!” Kae then dragged them both into the house, and slammed the door behind her. For the first time in a what felt like forever, Kae felt whole again. The light in her eyes had reignited to a staggering inferno in such a short span of time. She didn’t care why Saki was so dirty, why she had a prison suit on, or even why she smelt like sex and radiation. For all Kae carried, her non-biological lil sister was back, and nothing was going to separate them after today.

*Song lyrics of "The Gambler" by Fun was referenced in this chapter.
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Pinzu vs The Pussy (A 100% Orange Juice Adventure)