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Impure Thoughts	By : Lisachan Category: Zelda > Het - Male/Female Views: 7784 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I don't own Legend of Zelda or its characters, no profit is being made from this.

Chapter List
- 8
- 9
- 10
Author’s Note: Because I’m making this up as I go, I’m a bit worried about plot holes or inconsistanties, so if you see something that’s off, please let me know, and I’ll try to do some damage control. Also, I’d like to point out that English is not my native tongue, if I haven’t already. I also feel like the activated spelling control in my writing application isn’t working any more, which isn’t really helping either. So if you encounter some violations against the English language, that’s why. You get the gist of it, right?

Chapter 9: What Happened In Hateno Village

“Master Link!”
The red haired one was the first one who’d noticed them. Zelda found it appalling that, for the second time now, all attention when straight to him, instead of her, the Queen. Then she remembered that she was here on an undercover mission, and she was glad that her cover wasn’t blown right away. She burrowed into her shawl a little deeper, shuffling into the tavern in between Liselle and Cassian. They’d brought Malya too, Liselle’s lady friend. Ever since Liselle had become her lady-in-waiting, they’d hardly found an opportunity to spend time together.
“Everyone! It’s Master Link!” the red haired girl announced.
“Urg, and he already has a string of women behind him. Can you believe that guy? Only just got himself engaged to the Queen,” the one behind the counter gaggled. She looked very much in control of things. The owner, Zelda supposed. A petite girl with platinum blond hair passed them by, mumbling a ‘good evening’. Her blushing face was almost constantly lowered. She was cute, though.
“There’s still a table over at the back, dear!” the owner directed, pointing a finger. Signalling a ‘thank you’ with his hand, Cassian and his ladies headed over to the table. The place really did smell like a proper tavern. There was the smell of beer and tobacco in the air, but also that of delicious food being prepared in the kitchen.
“Have you been here before?” Zelda inquired, taking a seat.
“Sometimes after training, yes,” Cassian said, looking around to see if there was anyone familiar – anyone who could give him away. So far, no one had caught his eye yet. “Although, I have to say, I was always in training gear then, so you probably couldn’t tell me apart from the other soldiers.”
Zelda studied the place, and the women who worked here. “Who’s the one behind the counter?” She had short chocolate-brown hair, a slim figure and rather large breasts.
“That’s Ilka, she owns this place together with her husband Flynn. I suppose he would be in the kitchen or something.”
“And the two waitresses?”
“The red haired one is Lilia. Quite grabby, but she means no harm. And then the tiny one is Ansje. Exceedingly shy. Could do with a little nooky.”
“Not with you,” Liselle remarked.
“Did I say that?”
“Hm-hm,” Zelda nodded. “Tell me more.”
“That’s about it.”
“What, no juicy scandals?”
Cassian squirmed on his chair. After what had happened that morning, he had a bit of problem with the word ‘scandal’. “Not that I know of. I’ve not been here that often yet.”
“No, but enough to know all of their names,” Liselle remarked, giggling together with Malya.
“Well, sorry for having ears.”
Not satisfied with that answer, Zelda leaned back in her chair. “Let’s stay the night here,” she said on a whim.
Liselle scrunched up her nose. “Why?”
“It is our duty to support local businesses. And also, I want to see what it must’ve been like for Link. To sleep alone in a foreign inn while he was longing for the one he loved. Cassian, go see if there are rooms available, please.”
“Yes, and order us a drink while you’re at it,” Liselle added with a sweet smile. She started to gravitate towards Cassian for a kiss.
“Stop it,” Zelda hissed, pulling her back. “He’s supposed to be Link, remember?”
“Who is supposed to be on training camp,” Malya subtly reminded her, flicking her neck-long black hair.
“Well, judging by the way they reacted when we came in, I don’t think they know that.”

Cassian didn’t have to wait long when he showed up at the counter before Ilka sailed his way with a grin on her face. “Link, how nice it is to see you again. Congratulations on getting engaged, to the Queen, no less.”
Cassian smiled from under his hood, trying to speak with a more boyish voice. “Thank you.” He tried to imagine in what way Link would talk during his time off, to the opposite sex. Polite, probably. Less boorish them himself. “Forgive my impudence for ordering at the counter, but the ladies are thirsty.”
“Don’t worry about it, dear,” Ilka said with a wink.
“And also, I was wondering if there were still rooms available for tonight.”
Reaching for her book of reservations, she flipped it open. “Have you gained a bit of weight?” she asked casually, letting her eyes skim over the pages.
“I might have, yes.” He wasn’t really sure how long they’d be able to keep this little charade up. Taking one of the menu cards on the counter, he put it in front of his face. When he glanced from behind it, he saw her slowly perusing the pages of her book. He guessed that her only aim was to keep him there longer.
“I know it’s really none of my business...” The catch phrase of any self-respecting tavern manager. “But why would you stay here at a lowly inn now that you live over at the castle?”
“It is our duty to support local businesses. I’ve been recommending it to my peers, they’ve become curiuos.”
She then directed her perceptive gaze over to their table. “Isn’t that the Queen’s lady over there? The one with the twin sister who’s just had a baby?”
Cassian glanced over his shoulder, suppressing a sigh. Sliding into the danger zone already. “You have a very sharp eye.”
“Who are the other girls?”
“Another of her ladies and a friend.”
“Who’s with her then, now?”
“She wanted to be alone.”
“Oh, that time of the month?”
Cassian raised an eyebrow, although she couldn’t see it. “How do you know?”
A corner of Ilka’s mouth lifted into a grin. “Oh, Link. She may be a Queen, and I may be an inn keeper, but when it comes to that, women are all the same.”
“Ilka! More beer, please!” one of the customers called.
“Yes! Ansje, will you continue here?”
Now Ansje, she didn’t really seem to be much of a threat. That girl was so shy, she barely even dared to look at him. Bowing over the book, she studied the pages. “I’m terribly sorry, Master Link, but we seem to be fully booked.”
“Are you?”
She looked again, almost willing for a vacancy to appear, because it was for Link. “Yes, I’m afraid so. A lot of the rooms are still under construction.”
“Well, that’s too bad.”
Arms slid around him from behind. “You can sleep in my bed if you want,” the girl named Lilia said with a lascivious grin.
“Do you want to lose your head?” Ilka said, having returned to the counter.
“Why?”
“Why? Need I remind you that Link is engaged to the Queen?” Even though she couldn’t really imagine Queen Zelda shouting ‘Off with her head!’
“Do you see Queen Zelda? I don’t. You know, you can take off that hood in here.”
Cassian stopped the hand that tried to pull down his hood. It was to think that someone was going to comment on how he was still keeping it over his head. “Sorry, I have to use the toilet,” he said in an attempt to escape from her groping hands. He pointed to their table. “The all-you-can-eat-formula, please. You can start with four pints of ale and an assortment of snacks.”
“Right away, sweetie.”

Over at the table, Zelda’s eyes were shooting daggers from behind her shawl. “Did you see? Did you see how she was hanging around him?” she hissed. “And that Ansje, she may be quiet, but I swear that she cannot keep her eyes off his ass, every time she passes him by.”
With an amused grin on her face, Liselle leaned her head on her hand. She didn’t even want to imagine what Zelda might do if it really would be Link over at the counter, instead of Cassian. “Zelda, Link is young and fit and very, very handsome,” Liselle said. “Of course he is very popular.” She grabbed her hand, the one where she carried her ring. “But you have him.”
Zelda softened when her eyes fell on her gorgeous ring, and she sighed like the madly in love girl she still was. “I do have him,” she smiled fondly, thinking back about Liselle’s rant – um no, well meant and much appreciated advice, she corrected herself – some days ago about how she shouldn’t be too possessive.
“You should be counting your blessings instead,” Liselle said, sharing her thoughts. “Because you see, that was my man over there at the front, being harassed. And I wasn’t freaking out over it, was I? Because tonight, he will be laying in my bed, not theirs.”
“You’re right. I just miss him,” Zelda whined.
“I know,” Liselle said, drawing her closer. “It just shows how much you care about him, hey?”
“Hmm...”
When Lilia came to bring their drinks, she covered Zelda’s face, under the guise of wiping her tears.
“Oh, one of those days, huh?” the spunky waitress said.
“She misses her boyfriend.”
“Where is he?”
“Training camp.”
“Oh, is he a soldier. So sexy.”
“Yes, he is,” Liselle said, hiding Zelda’s face closer to her bosom when Lilia stood right next to her.
“Snacks are on the way,” Lilia said with a smile, hurrying over to other customers.
Cassian blew out a sigh when he sat down again. “Your cover’s blown already,” he said to Liselle.
“What, has someone recognised me?”
“Yes, the owner.”
“Well, you were at the Queen’s side during the entire ceremony and the festivities after,” Malya said. “And your sister has stayed here, she looks exactly like you.”
Liselle hummed. It was very likely that Lisanne had been raving about how her sister had become the Queen’s lady. “I suppose you’re right.”

“So, how did it go in Hateno Village?” Liselle said, her mouth watering over some mini poultry pies.
“Good, very good,” Zelda nodded, choosing a dip for her fried root vegetables. She couldn’t help but find it a bit amusing, the way Cassian seemed to shrink away on his chair, over at the other side of the table. “Had a good talk with Ivee.”
“Oh? A good talk, as in a civilized conversation where you didn’t feel the need to pull her hair out?”
“They’ve become BFF’s,” Cassian stated, as he stuck a meatball up in the air.
“Well, maybe that’s a bit much. But I don’t hate her any longer. She’s actually quite alright. Purah has made me see that. What’s that over there?” she said, pointing to a little dish with brownish sauce.
“That’s gravy,” Cassian said, pushing it her way.
“Ooh, nice. Oh, about Purah, you know, she has actually been to the ceremony.”
Liselle almost dropped her mini pie. “Your joking! Purah the hermit who didn’t want to leave the lab?”
“Yup.”
Malya wrapped both hands around her tankard and lifted it to her lips in thought. “That’s nothing short of earth-shattering, isn’t it?” she concluded, taking a slow sip.
“That’s not all,” Cassian sniggered. “She and Symin have invented something that will significantly decrease the amount of babies being born.”
“Because babies are a bad thing?” Malya informed.
“Well, not that, but pregnancy in itself can be a bitch.”
“Can’t argue with that,” Liselle agreed, recalling Lisanne’s mood swings, strange food cravings and an array of physical discomforts.
“It’s genius,” Cassian continued enthusiastically. “Liselle, tonight, I’ll show you all about it.”
“Can’t you show me now?”
“Well, he can show you the invention,” Zelda chuckled. “But not the use for it.”
Cassian leaned a bit closer to Liselle. “You have to use it during sex,” he said under his breath.
Zelda laughed when Liselle nearly poked herself in the face with a skewer out of pure shock. “They’re gonna call it a ‘willysleeve’.”
“Ooh, nice,” Cassian said. “Very accurate.”
Suddenly, there was Lilia’s voice behind Zelda, and she quickly burried her face into her tankard.
“Ah, it’s good to see that you’ve cheered up again. Everything okay here? Still enough drinks?”
“Yes, thank you,” Liselle smiled broadly.
“Is that hood sewn onto your pretty head, darling?” Lilia said, once again attempting to snag down Cassian’s hood while she passed him by.
“Lilia, keep your hands to yourself!” a male voice suddenly thundered through the tavern. “I’m not paying you to harrass my punters!”
Her hand shot back as if she’d burned herself. That had been Flynn’s voice. “Uh-oh, the big boss. Better behave,” she mumbled, scampering off again.
Malya chuckled, while she tried to decide on her next apetizer. She went for a morsel of glazed boar. “Oh right, I’ve been meaning to ask… I haven’t seen Boy in a while,” she noticed. “Did he stay in Hateno village?”
“Yes, Purah’s gonna conduct an experiment on him,” Zelda said.
“An experiment?” Liselle and Malya chorused.
“On Boy?” Liselle blurted.
“What kind?” Malya added.
“She wouldn’t say,” Zelda said. “But she has said that if she fails, there won’t be any damage done.”
They gaggled and guessed about this for a while, until Lilia once again came bounding to the table, announcing that she had good news. “Ilka has told me that her husband has just come to inform her that the builders have finished another of our rooms just today, so if you still wish to stay here… And, you’re lucky,” she quickly continued, before any of them had the chance to turn down the offer. “Since you are a company of four, it’s a family room. It has an area with a double bed, and one with two seperate beds. We’ll even throw in a special discount, because you would be our first guests to stay in our newly renovated room.”
They exchanged glances, and Zelda briefly nodded her head.
“We’ll take the offer!” Liselle said.
“Excellent!” Lilia cheered, clearly having hoped for a positive answer. “Now, if any of you would follow me to get registered?”
It was Liselle now, who would take it upon her to do the formalities. “I think we’d like to move on the our main course in a bit,” she said when she was done. “Any suggestions?”
“I would recommend a sharing platter,” Lilia said, litteraly bouncing with joy at the prospect of having Link there for the enitre evening. “It has a bit of everything, and you can always ask for more.”
“Sounds good, let’s do it. Also, a jug of dry cider, please.”
“Coming right up.”

“Ooh, after this, I’m gonna have to go on a special diet,” Zelda groaned. “First all this food on Coronation Day, and now this.”
“I’ll tell the chefs to cook very lean, the next couple of days,” Liselle said, filling her plate. “But tonight, it’s a party.”
“A party, for what?”
Because, at your age, partying is what you should be doing, Liselle thought. “You wanted distraction while Link is away, didn’t you? So, let’s have fun!”
“Oh, okay,” Zelda said, making a selection for herself too, even though she’d rather have him there with her, licking meat juices off his lips.
Malya was looking rather glum while she was pouring herself some cider.
“What’s wrong, Malya?” Cassian said.
She pulled up her shoulders. “I’m still worried about Boy. What is Purah going to do with him?”
“Don’t worry,” Zelda said. “Purah loves him too. She’d never do anything to seriously harm him.”
“No, she would have Link after her,” Liselle chuckled.
“Hmm, you’re right,” Malya smiled, realising that even Purah wouldn’t risk Link’s wrath.
Zelda blew fluff out from between her lips and lowered her shawl a bit when she lifted a spoonful of stew to her mouth. It was difficult to eat with it wrapped around her face. So far, no one had recognised her, but...
“It’s Queen Zelda!”
Oh crap. She’d become careless. She sharply turned her head this way and that, her spoon dropping back onto her plate. Who…? And then her face softened into a smile. It was one of the sisters from two days ago. Of course she would recognise her. She and her sister had personally put the flower crown on her head, they had seen her face from up close. What was she doing here?
She ducked down towards the girl, hoping that no one had heard her. “Hello, little girl,” she said with a hushed voice.
“Queen Zelda, you are not wearing your crown.”
“No, I’ve kept it at a very special place at the castle. Listen, could you please not...”
“Kamie, don’t bother the customers!” Ilka called from behind the counter.
“But it’s Queen Zelda!”
“Yes, and I am Goddess Hylia. Now, go finish your homework, please.”
Zelda’s heart broke when she saw the disappointed face of the girl, who seemed to be the daughter of the owners. No amount of child grief would be okay to rectify this little ploy. “It is true, I am,” she said, standing up. A collective gasp seemed to be going through the clientele as all heads turned her way. Exactly what she had been trying to avoid. But the little girl’s face was so bright now that it made up for it. “And that is not Link either,” she continued with a head nod towards Cassian.
A second, perhaps even louder gasp went through the crowd when Cassian swung back his hood. Even for Ansje, this was drastic enough to look up.
“Whew, finally I can take this off,” he breathed.
It was to no one’s surprise that Lilia was the first one to have reached him. “Who the hell are you?”
From behind the counter, Ilka elbowed Flynn against his arm. “Indeed, there had been that one who looked so much like Master Link on Coronation Day. I’ve been saying that to you, do you remember?”
“Yes, you’ve been pointing that out quite obnoxiously,” Flynn grumbled.
“I’m terribly sorry for decieving all of you,” Zelda said, looking around the flummoxed crowd. “But for one night...”
Ilka and Flynn had both hurried to their table now, bowing in front of her. “You don’t have to answer to us, Queen Zelda,” Ilka said.
“We are very honoured to welcome you in our humble establishment,” Flynn added.
Zelda smiled. “For one night, I just wanted to be treated like I’m of non-Royal descend,” she continued. “So please, get up. Don’t put me on a pedestal. I’d like to be one of you.”
Ilka and Flynn both straightened again. “We’ll let you enjoy the rest of your dinner,” Ilka beamed.
Lilia was still there, determined to get to the bottom of the case of Link’s lookalike. “So, who are you?” she insisted.
“My name is Cassian, I’m the Queen’s second best soldier, and I just so happen to look a lot like Link,” Cassian said. He backed away when Lilia thrust her face in front of his.
“Wow,” she said. “Oh right, now I see… His eyes are a different kind of blue.” More like teal, instead of a deep, sparkling azure. “His physique is bit broader. Slightly different hair colour.”
“A bit older too,” Liselle said.
“You can hardly tell,” Lilia mumbled, as if his age really didn’t matter. Which it didn’t. Then she moved on to the Queen. She pulled a chair up next to her and went sitting on it with a leg on either side of the backrest, studying her. Quite annoyingly so.
“What?” Zelda said.
“How can you still be here after 100 years? And still look so good?”
“It’s an advanced kind of magic.”
“Lilia, I hate to break it to you, but there are still other customers,” Ilka informed, on her way to said other customers.
With a loud sigh, Lilia dragged herself off the chair. When Ilka passed them by again, Zelda put a hand on her arm. “I’m sorry, but this girl, Lilia… Is she drunk?”
Ilka rolled her eyes. “Believe it or not, but no. She’s always like this.”
“Oh. Well, that must be… exhausting.”
“Yeah… But the customers like her, and she delivers great work. So she gets to stay.”
“Listen,” Zelda looked up at her with sincere eyes. “Link said that he had stayed at the Tipsy Deity during his travels. But Castle town was destroyed then.”
“Yes, it is true that the Tipsy Deity used to be here at Castle town. And then, a few generations ago, when the Calamity happened, my ancestors were forced to move location. But as soon as it was more or less rebuilt here, we came back. Commerce is better here. Once we can be fully operational again. People are curious to see the castle. At least we already have the inn to keep us going.”
“I will send more people,” Zelda decided.
Ilka started flapping her hand. “Oh no, you don’t have to do that.”
“I insist. I’ve heard that you’ve taken very good care of Link during his quests. Besides, Bolson is in very high spirits these last few days, he has energy for ten.”
Hugging her tray to her chest, Ilka bowed deeply. “Thank you so much, your Majesty,” she all but shouted.
From the moment of Cassian’s revelation, Lilia looked at him with a smile so honeyed, she would start attracting bees real soon, even in this cold season. Ilka and Ansje too started to make detours along their table a lot more often. Right… No one had informed them yet that Cassian was not available.
Liselle narrowed her eyes while she was munching through some devinely cooked venison, her mind running through Coronation Day. She tried to recall if there had been any smooching between her and Cassian that day, anything that could’ve given away how they were in a very loving relationship. There had been the odd touching, the occasianal holding hands, but because of their status, she did believe that they’d kept the level of intimacy to a bare minimum. It would be perfectly plausible for the waitresses and the female half of the clientele to think that Cassian would be eligible. She wondered when would be a good time to tell them. She really hated to ruin this illusion for them. She’d heard Ilka saying that this was the most cheerful she’d seen Lilia ever since Link had proposed to the Queen.
She saw her prowling closer again with a jug in her hand, looking to top up their tankards. “So, Cassian…” Lilia said, standing deliberately close to him. “Who will have the honour of sleeping in the same room with you?”
Cassian licked his spoon. “Well, my girlfriend, of course.”
Lilia blinked a couple of times, her jug hanging halfway in the air. “I’m sorry, I thought you said ‘girlfriend’.”
“He did say girlfriend,” Liselle smiled, happy that she didn’t have to be the one to bring her this terrible news. “And we won’t just be sleeping in the same room, we’ll be sleeping in the same bed.”
Lilia set the jug down on the table with a loud smack. She reached for her chest and started making sounds as if she’d effectively been stabbed through her heart. “It had been my greatest hope to meet someone who would look just like Master Link.” She sighed dramatically. “My dreams… Once again, they have been crushed!” She shook her head. “That’s it, I can’t go on living. I’m gonna go see if I can fit myself into the oven.”
Malya beckoned with both of her hands. “Gives us that jug,” she said.
“It’s good, isn’t it?” Zelda smiled.
“Very!” Malya enthusiastically agreed. It was refreshing and had just the right amount of sweetness. It went down well, and everyone started to feel it a bit.
They saw Ansje whispering something to Ilka, and both ladies came pattering over again. “So, where is Master Link?” Ilka inquired, Ansje standing right next to her with big, curious eyes.
“Like we said, training camp,” Zelda replied with an amiable smile, and then continued eating – and drinking. “This really is delicious.” She kinda hoped that praise about their food might satisfy them for a while. Having understood the message, they both bowed and redirected their attention to other punters.
Cassian jumped a bit on his chair when Lilia suddenly stood next to him again.
“Have you been here before, then?” she pondered.
“Weren’t you gonna go fry yourself?” Cassian joked.
Lilia made a face. “Flynn has shooed me out of the kitchen. Said the oven would be a bitch to clean. So, but have you? Because, if you’ve been here before, surely I must’ve noticed you.”
“With some of the other soldiers yeah, but I still was in full uniform, helmet and all.”
“Ah...” She stood there for a while, dreaming about soldiers in uniforms, until she caught Ilka’s warning look that if she wouldn’t start working soon, she would find a way to end her life for her.
When they’d moved on to dessert, there was still a little episode with the two adorable daughters (See, I told you it was Queen Zelda! – gasp – No way, it really is Queen Zelda!) who made the women’s hearts turn to mush. Which indirectly brought them back to the topic of babies, stretched out birth canals and ultimately, the willysleeve.
“What’s a willysleeve?” Elliv, the younger sister asked with big, innocent eyes.
“You are so dumb. They are sleeves for someone called Willy,” Kamie simply pointed out.
“Now Kamie,” Zelda said, with Elliv on her lap. Her focus was a bit off, and her movements a bit unstable, but luckily, the girls were too young to make the connection with a slightly excessive use of alcohol. “You shouldn’t call your sister dumb. She hasn’t been around for as long as you, and still has more to learn.” She leaned forward to Kamie, on Liselle’s lap, and pointed a finger against her nose. “As do you.”
Kamie laughed and batted her finger away.
Zelda smiled. “Now, did you finish your homework, like your mother has told you?”
“Yes, Queen Zelda.”
“Always listen to your mother. Mothers are always right. You too, Elliv.”
The two girls both nodded. “Yes, Queen Zelda.”
Over at the counter, Ilka folded her hands and raised her eyes to the Heavens, thanking Hylia for sending the Queen to her tavern. From now on, her girls would always behave examplary.

The hour got later, and the atmosphere in the tavern started to get a bit too rowdy. They had moved things to their hotel room, and like in a student dorm, they all sat together on the large double bed, in their comfortable night wear, which Cassian had kindly – and with no reluctance whatsoever – fetched from the castle. The room was nice. Plain, but nice and cosy. Rustic. A bit like Link’s house, the night before, Zelda thought.
For a night cap, they had ordered another bottle of something Ilka had recommended, a ‘Spiced Seasonal Spirit’, as it said on the label, which had the very fitting name ‘Triple S’. Between the four of them, they’d already downed a bottle during dessert, because it went particularily well with chocolate and caramelised fruit. Without any doubt, Zelda had had the most. She was getting sentimental, and a bit in need of physical support.
“Thank you all for distracting me while Link is not here with me,” she mumbled, letting herself fall against the headboard of the double bed. “I’ve had so much fun tonight. Such amazing food. We should do it again when Link is back.”
“Indeed, it was fun!” Liselle agreed firmly. “Oh Malya, I’ve missed this. Now that I’m no longer a maid, we hardly get to see each other any more.” Even on Coronation Day, she’d been too busy, first with her duties towards Zelda, then with her sister and her brand new baby.
“You know what?” Zelda said, sticking up a finger. There was a definite slur in her voice. “Malya, you can become my lady too.”
Malya looked at Zelda, then to Liselle, then to Zelda again. “Really?”
“Really?” Liselle echoed.
“Yes,” Zelda nodded. “I have to keep my staff happy.”
One way or another, Cassian had ended up next to Zelda, and he felt his insides do all kinds of things, non of them related to food or drink. In his coat pocket, there was a game of cards, but he wasn’t sure how much playing of cards would happen tonight.
“Well, let’s see that willysleeve!” Liselle cheered.
Probably not much.
“Yay, willysleeve!” Malya chimed in, and before long, both women were bouncing up and down the bed, chanting ‘willysleeve, willysleeve!’.
“Hm, good beds, indeed,” Zelda remarked. “Liselle, fill those glasses again.”
“Don’t you think you’ve had about enough?”
“No! I want more!”
“Okay,” Liselle said. She had a feeling that Zelda would come moaning about it in the morning, and maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to look for a bucket, for later that night. But perhaps a good hangover would put her off alcohol for a while.
“Now,” Zelda started in all earnestness, while slurping from her drink. “There aren’t a lot of those willysleeves yet. If you take one, don’t ruin it to the point where it can’t be used any more.”
“Oh, I’m so curious,” Malya said, rubbing her hands together.
Cassian reached in his pocket to take one out.
Over on his side, Zelda’s head was lolling a bit. She couldn’t remember being this drunk, ever – well, right now, she couldn’t remember much at all. Not even Coronation Day had been the drinking fest she’d intended at first. Because she’d pretty much been a public attraction back then, she’d been able to keep the level of drunkenness to an acceptable amount. And she had already fainted that night, which had been an event in itself. But tonight, she was going to pull out all the stops. Lifting the glass to her lips again and taking another sip, she then put it on the bedside table, so she could elaborate about the willysleeve. “Right, we’re gonna need an erection.”
Malya leaned closer to her, concerned. “Your Majesty, did you say ‘erection’?”
Liselle moved to put the glass a bit further away from Zelda. “I really do think you’ve had enough now.”
“No, but she’s right, though,” Cassian said. “This has to be placed over a male erection.”
Zelda giggled loudly. “You see, when Link here… Sorry… Cassian here has this over his erection, then when the seed comes out, this willysleeve will stop it.”
Cassian started to feel a bit antsy because she had started to call him Link again. He dearly hoped that there wouldn’t be a repetition of what had happened in Hateno village, this morning. Clearing his throat, he held the ring of rubber up in the air for the ladies to see. “Now, this is made of a thin, impregnable substance. It’s very strong and very stretchable, and it has to be...” He paused, inching a bit further away from Zelda. She had started to sag down against him, but because she was the Queen, no one had dared to move her. Her eyes started to droop shut. An arm slid around Cassian’s waist.
“Your Majesty, this is a bit inappropriate,” Malya eventually said, gently tugging at Zelda’s shoulders. Zelda whined and held on even tighter.
“Hmm… Link...” she purred with a blissfull smile on her face.
“Oh no, not again,” Cassian groaned.
Liselle sharply looked up. “What?”
“What? Nothing!”
“What did you mean, not again?”
“Oh crap. Really, it’s nothing.”
“Cassian!” she growled. “Did something happen in Hateno village?”
Feeling himself breaking out in a sweat, Cassian glanced aside to Zelda, who was well and truly wrapped around him now. “Out of respect for the Queen, I’d better not say anything.”
Liselle huffed out a sigh. “Then say it out respect for me!”
Cassian sighed, seeing his chances of demonstrating the willysleeve later that evening dwindling with the second. “Promise not to tell anyone.”
“I promise.”
“Malya, you too.”
Malya quickly nodded. “Yes.”
“Swear it, both of you.”
“I swear it on my sister’s baby,” Liselle said, biting her fingers and holding them up, nudging Malya to do the same. “Now, out with it.”
Cassian exhaled slowly. “Okay. This morning, I meant to wake her up, but while she was still half asleep, she thought that I was Link, and...”
“And?”
“She dragged me onto the bed with her.” He chose to omit the part where the blanket had slid down from her upper body. Her naked upper body. “I promise you, nothing has happened. Except for discovering some rather embarrassing bits about their sex life.”
“What was that about my sex life?” Zelda garbled.
“Nothing,” Cassian hissed.
Liselle’s mouth fell open. For a moment, shock was the only expression that could be read from her face. What would follow would either be good or very, very bad. Their very first use in the history of Hyrule of the willysleeve, or sleeping on the floor. In the hallway. With no blanket or pillow. Probably being harrassed by Lilia. To his relief, she burst out in fits of laughter.
“Y-you’re not angry?” he stammered.
“Angry? My dear Cassian, I cannot wait to think up ways to let you make up for this!” Liselle laughed.
Because of all the noise, Zelda had started to stir again. “So, how about that erection, then?” she mumbled, having somewhat recovered.
“Cassian,” Liselle ordered.
Oh, he should’ve seen this coming, shouldn’t he? “No!” he cried.
Someone cackled out a laugh. Malya, Cassian saw through barely focused eyes. “Go on, Cassian! Off with those trousers!”
“No! Liselle, help!” Liselle did just nothing, except for cackling along with her friend. How had this turned into such a dodgy R-rated scenario? He tried to crawl behind Zelda more, trying to use her body as a shield now, because both women were actually trying to grab the waistband of his trousers. “Is this atonment? Is that how it’s gonna be?” And to say he’d felt so honoured at first, to sit there on the big bed with his three ladies. He was sorely regretting it now. “Now, let’s see. There must be something we can use to serve as a subsitute for an erection. Oh, I know!” he shouted, grabbing the bottle like a life line. “Let’s use the neck of this bottle here.” The idea of being harrassed by Lilia started to look so much more attractive than the pickle he’d gotten himself into now.
Liselle suddenly turned serious and quite voluptuous on him. “I have a better idea,” she breathed. “Why don’t we get the Queen to bed, so you can show me in person.” Malya didn’t look twice, obviously used to this kind of behaviour from her best friend. Cassian didn’t even want to imagine what kind of chats about men they had amongst each other.
Crawling over to him, she pulled him against her bosom. Her attitude radiated eroticism. She plucked the willysleeve out of his hand. ‘Even though I’m not susceptible right now… No… Just because I’m not susceptible right now,” she rephrased, ‘makes this the perfect opportunity to test out its durability.”
“We’re doing the community a service,” Cassian nodded with bright eyes.
“Exactly.”
They both froze when they heard Zelda starting to make heaving sounds.
“Oh bugger,” Malya said. “I’m afraid you’re gonna need clean sheets.”

To be continued...

Author’s Note: You know, doppelgängers, they really do exist. There’s this female radio dj here where I live, who once mentioned on the radio that her boyfriend looks like Bruno Mars. And you know what? He really does! That woman is so lucky T_T
So, this was a Linkless chapter with lots of self invented characters. Next chapter, Link will be back ^_^ There might be some sex. Might take a bit longer. Meanwhile, if you want to read more about the Tipsy Deity and its characters, go to ‘A Rather Eventful Breakfast’. In this fic, there is no sex, and Link is not together with Zelda, hence, it’s wildly unpopular. But it’s quite funny, and won’t take up too much of your time, so please do give it a read.
http://games.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600091392
*end rant*
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