Advance Wars: The Life and Adventures of Sonja

Advance Wars: The Life and Adventures of Sonja
By Joshua J. Mears
Chapter 1: Fog Over Spann Island
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Author's Note: I love Advance Wars, and particularly, the character of Sonja. Though not an overwhelming attacker, she is intelligent, composed, and beautiful; all attributes which can and will defeat any opponent. Now, on to my imagining of what her life might be like...enjoy and expect more. I shall be posting links to pictures of the various Advance Wars characters, so those who don't know of them will know what they look like. Aren't I kind?
Sonja: http://www.advancewarsnet.com/awds/artwork/YCSonja.jpg
Grimm: http://www.advancewarsnet.com/awds/artwork/YCGrimm.jpg
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CO's Diary: Spann Island, Day 1, 1:34 PM.
The fog is rolling in thick tonight. Father has chosen me to run our training facility on Spann Island and has offered an open invitation to all Allied Nations CO's to come and test their skills. However, he ordered this one out here. My opponent tonight is Yellow Comet's own resident strongman, Grimm. His forces are undeniably powerful, but his grasp of tactics is...questionable. Add to this an overpowering smell of oil, scotch, and sweat, and he is not my favorite opponent, or houseguest, for that matter. Nevertheless, my duty is to defeat him within the week, and hopefully, teach him something of strategy. I can see the advance forces coming. Sonja, logging off.

Pushing a long, clean-smelling strand of her tightly pony tailed black hair out of her eyes, Sonja pored over her maps. Grimm had been sending in his tanks and AA guns almost nonstop over the last 3 days, and the waste of troops and resources was appalling to the intelligent young general. A head on attack would not work without proper intelligence on troop movements and good scouting to compensate for the fog. His reckless style left him open, and the artillery cannons she had hidden in the woods were tearing her enemy apart.

CO's Diary: Spann Island, Day 3, 2:25 AM
Grimm has slowed the attack. Perhaps he is finally realizing that his ham-handed frontal assault strategy has brought nothing but waste. If this were a real firefight, it would have brought death, as well. This island is only 10 miles long by 20 miles wide. The reefs surrounding it make sea units useless, and the training facility has no airports. This is a place for ground strategy. Grimm has chosen the blitzkrieg, attacking with cheap, fast troops, hoping to shut his opponent's war machine down quickly. This, and sending small groups of infantry through the woods, are about the only tactics to be used here. The mark of a superior CO is the ability to adjust these strategies to suit his situation and his opponent, or to come up with something new and unexpected. Grimm has done no research of his opponent. I am matchless in the fog. I shall have this wrapped up in the morning, and then my opponent is due for a sit under the learning tree. I will sign off and get some sleep now. My infantry is in place around Grimm's HQ, and I am weary. This wasn't a very stimulating battle. Sonja, logging off.

Sonja awoke at 8:00 AM, later than she normally would have slept on a campaign. Her troops had kept her well supplied with information and she knew Grimm's habits. He and his troops wouldn't be up until 10:00 on the dot. This gave her ample time to allow her troops a proper meal, and to get herself a proper shower.

Sonja locked the door of the Commander's Cabin, but left the telephone line on. For all her logic and command of strategy, this was the one thing she let herself go with. The princess of Yellow Comet loved nothing more than a long, luxurious soak in a bath or shower. With two hours, she would opt for the shower, though she much preferred the warm, all-encompassing bliss of a bathtub.

Sonja took her time, disrobing and inspecting her body in front of the mirror. She wasn't vain; vanity was a potentially fatal flaw. However, she took pride in how she looked, and the people of her country expected nothing less from a royal princess. Indeed she was quite attractive, with large, olive shaped eyes, smooth, lightly colored skin, and long, silky black hair which she let down, feeling it cascade to the middle of her back.

She stepped into the shower, sighing in pleasure as the hot water washed over her body. Running her hands through her hair, down across her firm, medium sized breasts, and over her smooth, flat stomach, she thought about masturbating, but began to soap herself instead. She was feeling self-conscious about the size of her chest again, and had a battle to finish. She didn't have the time required to satisfy herself fully.

Stepping out, she vigorously toweled herself dry and began brushing her hair. Once all the knots and tangles were out, she set about applying her various lotions and perfumes to her body. She was only halfway through when the emergency line rang. She was startled, but not particularly surprised. Still, her voice hinted at slight irritation as she answered the call.

"Sonja speaking. Report."

"I'm sorry to disturb you, madam," came the voice of a soldier. "Commander Grimm has awakened early. Me and the lads spotted him out and about with a small group of foot soldiers."

Sonja nodded, taking in the new intelligence. A sign of desperation from Grimm, she suspected. It was normal for him to lead from the front, recklessly, but a bit odd of him to wake up early, or go with mere infantry. He enjoyed taking out the largest tank he could find. "Ramirez, have you any idea yet of what he is up to? This is desperation, plainly. You and your boys beat him quite soundly yesterday," she said.

"N..no, milady," replied Ramirez, a young Sergeant who often got flustered by praise from his beautiful young leader. "We spotted some smoke on a ridge south of their base, though. We'll investigate now, if you'd like."

"You do that, Ramirez. I'll be dressed and out there in 10 minutes. Please have a recon jeep waiting outside."

"Yes, my princess. Ramirez out."

"My princess...yes indeed. Always a princess." Grabbing her uniform, Sonja put up her hair, got dressed, and hopped in her jeep to see just what her opponent was up to.

"Hahahaha! Wait'll she gets a load of this!" Grimm stood with his hands on his hips, letting out huge, hearty belly laughs. Though a bad tactician and a stinky fellow, he was always quite loud and cheerful, regardless of the situation. This situation was indeed desperate. He had been sent here for training against his wishes, and now it seemed he really needed it, regardless of what he thought before.

"But hey, don't matter! Some losses, maybe, but if you win, it's okay! Right, lads?"

"Right, sir!" replied his troops, without the least bit of sarcasm. They had a fanatical devotion to their leader, regardless of his inability to form strategy. Laughing all the way, Grimm boarded his secret weapon.

"Okay, boys, send out those tanks and mobile AA guns! Patrol around the base a bit and we'll be up ahead winning. Wooooohaaa!"

Sonja peered through her binoculars, constantly pushing back that annoying strand of loose hair. There was definitely something going on over the ridge, and her mind rapidly went through the possibilities. "Either he's going for what he's been doing for the last 3 days but on a larger scale, or it's something big. What do you think, Ramirez?"

"Uh, well, one of those two, milady, but we've seen more infantry than usual. Could he be planning to try to sneak into the base?" Ramirez was obviously uncomfortable with her looking so intently at him, and she turned back to her binoculars, slightly irked. She wasn't sure what it was about her that made him nervous-her looks, or her royal title, and that bothered her. No one could see her as just a soldier, just...Sonja, it seemed.

"I've had no reports from the scouts by the base...and knowing Grimm as we do, I doubt he'd risk it at this point on a tactic he's not familiar with. No, Ramirez, I suspect he will attack once the day heats up and this fog has lifted," said Sonja. "Whatever he's planning, he'll want us to see it up close. He's a showboat, if nothing else." Sonja got on the radio, instructing her platoon leaders to move artillery up to the ridge, and what few tanks they had. It was a risk, of course, but the most logical choice given the situation. Turning to Ramirez she issued final orders. "Move quietly to the ridge and find out what this thing is. Do NOT engage. Stealth is the key while the fog is down. Move."

Sonja sat watching, analyzing scattered reports sent by her platoon leaders and brushing her hair since she had little else to do. Her troops were in place. All that was left was to wait for the fog to lift. Suddenly she heard a tremendous, earth-rocking explosion up on the ridge, and her brush clattered to the floor of the jeep. She tore the radio mic from the holder, barking quick, curt commands. "Artillery, load! Spotters on the hilltops, hide low. Ramirez, report! Now!" Gunning the jeep she sped away to intercept her Sergeant.

She caught up to Ramirez halfway back to her command post. His troop was intact, except for one young private, covered head to toe in bright red paint. Ramirez wilted visibly under her stern gaze.

"Report, Sergeant. What in Macro Land happened over there?" she asked, an edge to her voice.

Ramirez tripped over his words, his princess's displeasure obviously affecting him. "Private Nichols. Well, he tripped on his bootlaces, y'see, milady. They spotted him and..." Nichols would have said something, but his words and features were indecipherable due to all the paint.

"And he was splattered. He's a new recruit, isn't he, Ramirez? Have you had time to train him? A soldier who can't tie his shoes. Huh!"

Ramirez sighed heavily. "I'm sorry, my princess, I'll..."

"Discipline him? No, I forbid it. Even in a fake war, I hate seeing any soldier of mine lost...look, you made a mistake, and it’s done. Help me fix it, Sergeant." She smiled at him to ease his fears. A scared soldier was a dead soldier.

"Well, ma’am, we found...."

"Gwahahaha! A Megatank, my princess!" came a huge voice over a loudspeaker.

"What?!" Sonja whirled around so fast her ponytail hit her in the face. Rolling down the ridge was a colossal, twenty-foot high armored vehicle. Top to bottom, it bristled with machine guns and its main cannon was as wide as the trunk of an ancient oak. The Megatank was the strongest land-based warfare unit ever developed, and it was heading right for her.

"...I suspected so. Spent all night and all their funds to get it, too, is my guess. If blitzkrieg doesn't work, stomping will. Ham-handed. Boys, in the jeep! Move!"

Sonja and the Ramirez Platoon piled in the jeep, the last soldier jumping on even as the princess floored it and started zooming away. A couple of recon jeeps followed them, firing shots, but Grimm's troops were strong, not accurate. Ramirez and the boys, minus Nichols, returned fire. Nichols, having been shot, was forbidden to fight further.

Grimm manned the Megatank controls well, having become familiar with them on his many joyrides. However, recon jeeps were incredibly quick and nimble, and they easily dodged the massive shots from his main gun. No matter. He'd reach their base eventually. Let them run with their backs to the ocean! No other weapon could easily scratch the thick, metal plate of a Megatank. Even the smaller, but still formidable Neotank barely made a dent.

Sonja was a good driver, and raced back towards her base camp. She spoke to Ramirez without taking her eyes off the road. "Get on the horn and order the tanks to block that thing! And set the guns to firing! It might be big, but it can't stop a forest full of artillery. And....agghhh!"

The recon jeep flew through the air, taking a few rounds in the rear. Even with as small a distraction as she'd had, she'd forgotten about the hill ahead. The jeep skidded and turned a circle, hitting a rock and flipping onto its side. This turned out to be a good thing, as the fuselage stopped the machine gun fire from hitting them.

Sonja stood, slightly groggy, paint bullets splattering the backside of her vehicle. "Ramirez, move out now. I'm going down left to oversee the artillery...be quick and nimble! Dodge a bit and stay in the woods." She got on the radio, telling a patrol nearer the enemy base to move in and begin the capture. As she turned to leave, Ramirez grabbed her arm.

"Princess Sonja, you are NOT going alone! Test or no, if this were real battle, well..." he fumbled his words again, but stared hard at her. He was serious.

Sonja smiled a bit and squeezed his hand, causing him to blush fiercely. "The ‘knight in shining armor’ routine suits you, Ramirez, but not now. Follow your orders and move, Sergeant!" Before he could reply she had zoomed off into the underbrush. He and the boys went as well after a Megatank round exploded a dozen yards off but he was still blushing. She had touched his hand! Even under threat of splattery defeat, it was a great day.

A half hour later and the battle was in full swing. Sonja's tanks darted about on the ground, keeping the Megatank at bay. The tanks were just nimble enough to dodge most shots from the tank. However, Grimm had a few small tanks of his own left and charged them forward to pull Sonja's tanks off the MT. One was distracted and took a shot that would have destroyed it had it been an actual shell, and stopped moving. The Megatank made slow progress.

Sonja crouched with the artillery unit, offering troop movement information and monitoring the radio. Shells rained down at a fairly rapid pace upon the battlefield, and while one was not enough to stop or greatly harm a Megatank, it had been proven before that enough artillery shells hitting the same spot would penetrate even an MT's armor. Word came to her of the tank's troubles, and she attempted to adjust accordingly, ordering half her guns to free up her tanks so they could continue their attack on the behemoth.

"Gwahahaha! Hoorah! Like a load of gnats! Forward, gentleman! We'll win this yet!" Grimm was well pleased with himself. He'd figured the little tanks would stop him, and snuck a couple in to get them off of him. All he had to do was rush in past the range of the guns. He bellowed orders to his troops. "Keep going! Squish the tanks and let's go! We're...hey! HEY! What gives!?" Grimm bellowed. For some reason, the MT was slowing down a bit.

Below, one tank crew had beaten off their attacker, and found itself close to the MT. It was too close to hit the cockpit. Taking its only option, it focused its fire upon the treads. This was surprisingly effective, however a renewed attack from behind put an end to this plan fairly quickly.

Ramirez had noticed this. Thinking quickly, he got on the radio, and issued rapid commands. "All foot troops, front line, now! Bring the bazookas and whatever ammo you have! And don't argue! Move!" Picking up his rifle he sped off with his boys to rendezvous with the rest of the grunts.

Sonja peered out at the battlefield, thinking hard. The Megatank had yet to reach the point where it would be felled by concentrated artillery fire and it was coming closer. She ordered the second line of artillery to load and prepare in case the first line fell. However, she had just spotted movement down to her right. It looked like 4, 5...6 platoons of foot out in the open! Gripping the mic tightly in her fist, she hollered into it to be heard over the din.

"Ramirez! Ramirez, pick up! Acknowledge! I know you're down there!"

Ramirez fell back, kneeling to yell into his walkie-talkie. "Princess? There's no time! We've got to stop it, now!"

Sonja was outraged. "And what good will your bazookas do against that beast, Sergeant? You'll be cut down in an instant!" Two troopers went down as she spoke.

"The treads! The treads are weak! Aim for the treads!" Ramirez cut off without acknowledging Sonja, continuing to fire on the MT.

Sonja was enraged. She understood but...it was foolish! So much death! She got on her megaphone, yelling to her gunners. "Aim for those treads! They've got the right idea, but they're all insane! And so am I, I guess!"

"Commander...Princess Sonja! Wait!" She never heard the gunner’s words. She'd thrown a bazooka in a nearby jeep and sped off.

Ramirez had unofficially taken control of the assembled grunts. Though young, he had a natural skill for leadership and took charge of the operation, belting out orders with crisp, military efficiency. "First row, fire! Drop back, kneel, and reload! Second row, fire! Drop back, kneel, and reload! First row, forward again, fire!"

Commander Grim had run out of ammo on the big gun, another weakness of the hulking Megatank. However, the MT's huge array of machine guns could rip a man to pieces, and a number of troops fell in simulated death. But the attack on the treads worried him. Who'd of thought the treads would be so vulnerable? And the MT weighed so much, that without them, it would topple sideways. He peered through his view screen, and saw Ramirez barking orders. Grimm smiled, impressed at the young one's ability but not impressed enough to stop him from doing this. He took aim and opened up with the machine guns.

Ramirez was so intent on making sure the operation turned out well that he had not taken proper cover. He saw the guns pointed at him, but had no time to get down. He faced his attacker plainly. Might as well go down with dignity.

The roar of twin turbocharged engines filled the air and Sonja's jeep landed in front of the line. The incoming fire hit the recon unit, but provided only enough time for Ramirez to get down. Ramirez couldn't speak for a moment, his words lost in shock. Even though they were harmless rounds, the crash was nevertheless dangerous.

"Sonja! NOOO!"

He picked up his gun again, taking aim, his voice filled with rage. "Dress rehearsal for Hell, boys! Take it down! Take them all down! For Sonja!"

"For Sonja!"

Grimm was shocked at the actions of the jeep, but even more shocked at the sudden surge of fire that hit him. The artillery on the hill had caught on and the men were angry and just as Grimm saw that his MT was at the point where it would have toppled, a distress call came. A small group had taken control of his home base.

And down in the line of soldiers, Ramirez didn't notice a black haired beauty at the end of the line, firing away, her face scratched and dirty and her clothes covered in mud. She'd heard every word. Sonja smiled. Not always a princess, not to all, it seemed.
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Well, that was...long. But good. Never written anything that long. But you'll get more! Wee! Anyhoo, review, please! Pleeaassee! Thankies!
Shine on, you crazy diamonds. And thanks much to my beta reader person, Psychobeth, who is simultaneously the bee's knees, the cat's meow, and the carpenter to my walrus. Koo koo kachoo!