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WTF	By : LostinThought8 Category: Kingdom Hearts > Slash/Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 4026 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: "Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep" and all related games and products belong to Tetsuya Nomura, Disney, Inc., and Square Enix. I own nothing and make no money off of writing this fanfiction.

Chapter List
- 1-WTF
- 1
Title: WTF
Author: LostinThought8
Pairing: Vanitas/Ventus
Word Count: ~4,500
Warnings: BBS SPOILERS for Vanitas’s face, canon timeline/events have been completely ignored, PWP, anal sex, light bondage, dirty talk on Vanitas’s part
A/N: So, wow, I haven’t written anything in forever. When I was browsing the KH Kink Meme on LiveJournal back in July I saw a prompt that caught my interest, calling for a humor story in which Vanitas kidnaps Ven. So I thought, "hey, I can do that!" I’ve been working on it since November, and it’s FINALLY done! Hooray! If you’re interested, you can find both the original Fic and prompt on page 39 of the Livejournal KH Kink Meme.
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"You know," Vanitas said, his voice absolutely dripping with smug superiority, "you’re awfully cute when you’re acting the tough guy, Ventus. We both know you can’t actually defeat me."
Damn him, Ven could practically see the smirk on Vanitas’s face behind his mask. He tightened his grip on his Keyblade and tried his hardest to reign in the wave of fury threatening to overwhelm him. "Control your emotions," Master Eraqus had told Ven, Terra, and Aqua time and time again, back when they were all still Apprentices together. "Don’t let them control you. Letting one’s heart become tainted by rage or despair is often the first step to letting in the darkness."
It was much harder for Ven to keep himself calm, however, when his opponent always seemed to know just what nerve to hit. The blond had always been sensitive about the fact that he was short and slight for his age, and Vanitas had been taunting him about that ever since the blond had started his journey. It almost made Ven want to throw his Keyblade aside, rip the mask off of the other boy’s face, and just punch him right in the nose. No other opponent Ven faced before had this kind of reaction on him, and frankly, it was as confusing as hell.
However, for all his teasing, Vanitas didn’t seem to actually want to fight with Ven. Every time they crossed paths, no matter what world Ven was on, Vanitas would only rile him up before vanishing in a pool of darkness as the blond rushed at him with Keyblade drawn. Then Ven would be left to take his anger out on whatever unsuspecting Unversed happened to be nearby, Vanitas’s harsh laughter echoing in his head for hours as he fought.
Lately, Vanitas had only been getting worse. The last world Ven had been to was Neverland, and he’d just been preparing to leave when Vanitas had shown up. This time, in addition to his usual taunts, the masked boy had started flirting with him as well. His words had been so full of sarcasm and arrogance that Ven almost felt ill. This feeling was coupled with, oddly enough, a strange tight sensation down in his lower regions that Ven brushed aside, chalking it up to Neverland’s humidity. Ven’s anger at Vanitas treating him like some inconsequential weakling instead of a real opponent, coupled with the discomfort in his groin, propelled the blond forward. He slashed his Keyblade down towards Vanitas’s chest, and the masked boy was just barely able to get his own blade up in time to block. The two weapons met with a loud clash that echoed around the Indian Camp. The force of it left both boys in a deadlock, breathless and glaring daggers at each other.
"Fine," Vanitas had hissed, lowering his strangely-shaped Keyblade away from Ven’s. "You wanna play, blondie? I’ll play. Come to the Badlands, and we’ll figure out once and for all who’s stronger."
In another instant Vanitas had disappeared through another one of his pools of darkness. Ven, too shocked by what had just happened, could only stand there and watch him leave.
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All Ven could hear was the blood rushing to his head out of his anger and eagerness to fight with Vanitas. The blond leapt on his Keyblade Glider and flew to the Badlands as fast as he could. Vanitas was already there, lounging by a pile of rocks. Despite the mask that covered the other boy’s face, Ven had an uncanny feeling that Vanitas was undressing him with his eyes as he landed. The hairs on the back of the blond’s neck rose just from the thought of an opponent treating him that intimately.
It didn’t help that Vanitas wasn’t bad looking, either-well, from what Ven could see of him, anyway. The dark jumpsuit he wore clung to every single plane of his body and left absolutely nothing to the imagination. Just looking at the masked boy, and thinking of the way Vanitas was probably looking at him in return, was making that tight feeling come back to Ven’s groin again.
The blond Keyblade Wielder gritted his teeth and tightened his grip on his weapon. Come on, Ven, concentrate! This is no time to be ogling the enemy, dammit! The blond mentally berated himself. With a loud yell, he ran forward, Keyblade poised and ready to strike…
Ven had always been the fastest of Master Eraqus’s three Apprentices, but Vanitas was faster. Before Ven could even blink, Vanitas was behind him, and a gloved hand had grabbed the collar of his jacket. Ven yelped, and then he was being dragged backwards, arms and legs flailing, Keyblade swinging and hitting nothing but air…
Then he was surrounded by darkness, and Ven knew nothing.
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Aqua had been riding her own Keyblade Glider when she heard the unmistakable sound of an engine fast approaching. It wasn’t just any engine, either…it had that unmistakable tinny sound that meant another Keyblade Glider was in the vicinity.
Aqua looked up in time to see Ven fly past her, his posture stiff and angry, his helmeted face so fixed on something far off that he’d failed to notice her. Instantly, what Aqua had come to call her "big sister senses" started up. She’d never seen Ven that angry before, not even when Terra had accidentally destroyed his favorite skateboard with a misfired Thunder spell. And Aqua was, after all, under strict orders from the Master to bring Ven back home safely. Nothing that made the normally mild-mannered Ven that furious could mean anything good.
Fearful for the boy she viewed as a younger brother’s safety, Aqua kicked her Keyblade Glider into the highest speed it could manage and flew after him.
Aqua landed behind a pile of boulders on a barren, rocky world she hadn’t been to before, just in time to see Ven run forward with a strangled yell and swing his Keyblade at a boy Aqua didn’t recognize. He was dressed in a dark jumpsuit; his face covered with a mask, and…was that supposed to be a skirt around his waist? What kind of guy wore a skirt?
The masked boy disappeared in a whirl of blue-black-violet shadows before Ven could actually land a hit, only to reappear again behind the blond and grab him by the back of his collar. Before Aqua could step out and intervene, the boy had stretched out his hand, summoning tendrils of black shadows from the ground to stretch and push out at the air and create a portal. He dragged Ven, who was flailing and kicking and screaming, straight into it, and the both of them vanished from that world as if they had never even been there.
Aqua just stood there, feet frozen to the ground from shock at the situation, feeling helpless and confused. Had she just seen Ven get kidnapped by some strange boy wearing a skirt? How did Ven even know this person? And what could he want with Ven that he’d kidnap him and not try to pick a fight like a regular opponent?
Well, said the evil little corner of Aqua’s mind that always liked to speak up at the worst moments, what if…
Aqua shuddered and quickly ended that line of thinking, as well as the subsequent images it produced. Her poor, innocent little Ven! She had to go find and save him right away!
Maybe this wasn’t a person at all, but some kind of Unversed in human form, Aqua hoped desperately as she hopped back onto her Keyblade Glider and took off. Ven would still be in danger, but at least his virtue would remain intact.
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"WHAT THE FUCK!?" Master Xehanort shouted from the top of a nearby cliff where he’d been watching the whole scene. He was practically apoplectic with rage at this point, and wanted desperately to rip off someone’s head in order to calm down. Preferably Vanitas’s, that good-for-nothing apprentice!
"How could this have happened?" Xehanort moaned. Vanitas was supposed to lure Ventus to the Keyblade Graveyard, and the two were supposed to fight and form the X-Blade. He’d gone over the plan with the boy for weeks in advance! Master Xehanort was supposed to have opened the door to Kingdom Hearts and become ruler of the Universe by now! Oh, just the thought of this missed opportunity made him want to cry…
"Easy, Xehanort…remember your heart…" the elderly Keyblade Master muttered, taking a few deep, calming breaths, the last one of which ended in a loud coughing fit.
He should have known better than to create an apprentice who was still full of raging hormones, Xehanort mused as he opened a Dark Portal. All the boy seemed to be able to think about was sex. Xehanort had even been finding smutty magazines in his apprentice’s bedroom as of late, all sorts of filth with titles such as Radiant Titties and The Sexy Circuits of Space Paranoids.
That boy was in for the spanking of a lifetime when Xehanort found him, that was for damn sure.
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When Ven finally regained consciousness, he was barefoot and handcuffed to a four-poster bed in what looked like an average hotel room. Sitting at the edge of the bed nearby, masked gaze fixed firmly on him, was Vanitas.
"Where are my shoes?" Was the first coherent thing out of Ven’s mouth.
Vanitas just shook his head, slowly. "Honestly Ventus," he said. "I just kidnapped you and all you can say is ‘where are my shoes?’ I don’t even know why I’m attracted to you." He heaved a sigh and pointed to a spot by the door, where Ven’s sneakers were lying in a messy heap.
Ven’s big blue eyes widened in shock at Vanitas’s words. "W-wait a second," he said. "You’re attracted to me?"
"Yes, Ventus, I am," Vanitas responded, speaking as if the blond were a small, slow child. "What, you honestly didn’t know until just now? I was only being completely obvious about it!"
"You were?"
"Yes. Following you around and insulting you were supposed to make you think about me all the time, Ventus. That’s how it works in all of Master Xehanort’s books, anyway. Then, once I was on your mind 24/7, kidnapping you and taking you to an out-of-the-way place to seduce you was the final step."
Ven privately thought that whatever books Vanitas had been reading had a pretty screwy idea of romance and seduction, but his throat went dry at the smug tone in Vanitas’s voice when he talked about his "final step." "Wh-what are you talking a-about?" He asked, fear making him stumble over the words as they came out.
"We’re going to cement our bond, through the carnal act of sex," Vanitas replied, and with that, he lifted his mask off his head for the first time since Ven had met him, placing it on the small table next to the bed.
Ven’s eyes nearly popped out of his head at that, but for a completely different reason. Vanitas was…actually good-looking. Very good-looking. His face was eerily similar to Ven’s own, with rounded cheeks and a slightly pointed chin. His hair was jet-black and spiky, sticking out at crazy angles as if it had never even seen a brush. Vanitas’s eyes were an odd shade of yellow, like a cat’s. And right now, they were focusing on Ven like he was one particularly juicy mouse.
Vanitas smirked, and Ven felt a hot feeling fill his stomach and rush south to his groin-a feeling that had absolutely nothing to do with fear. The blond had spent many a night lying awake wondering what was behind Vanitas’s mask, but he’d never thought just seeing his face would turn him on this much! He felt his cheeks heat up in embarrassment.
Vanitas inwardly rejoiced at the red flush suffusing Ven’s cheeks. He slowly brought one of his fingers up to his mouth and lightly bit down on it, then pulled, in this way removing one of his black and red gloves. The dark haired boy tossed the glove aside and slowly pulled his other glove off as well, revealing the skin beneath it, inch by sensuous inch.
Try as he might, Ven couldn’t suppress a tiny whine of enjoyment at how Vanitas was teasing him. He’d never been courted in this way before, and it had to be at least six different kinds of illegal, but it was turning him on in ways he’d never felt before. The blond squirmed on the bed, his pants starting to feel tight as his penis became erect.
Vanitas looked down at the growing tent in the blond’s slacks and smiled to rival the Cheshire Cat. "Oh yeah," he said. "You want this."
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Terra had been minding his own business, training hard for the next round of Games at the Olympus Coliseum, when a loud shout of his name caused him to stop and turn around. Sure enough, a familiar blue-haired girl was running straight for him, looking equal parts pissed off and upset. That was never a good combination.
"…Aqua?" Terra just barely got out, before his friend had reached him and was going on a mile a minute about "Ven," and "kidnapping," and "virginity."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down!" Terra cried, putting his hands up. "I can’t understand a word you’re saying, Aqua. Stop a minute, calm down, then tell me what the problem is, OK?"
"Sorry, Terra," Aqua muttered, looking embarrassed about her outburst. She took a deep breath to calm down, then cried out, "Ven’s been kidnapped by some strange guy in a skirt!"
"Wait…what? A skirt? What the fuck?!"
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Vanitas climbed on top of Ven, kicking off his boots as he did so, and claimed the blond’s lips harshly. It was a rough, dominating kiss, the dark-haired boy’s tongue invading every inch of Ven’s mouth and his teeth scraping against Ven’s bottom lip. The blond loved it immensely. Being kissed like this was one of the most intense feelings Ven had ever experienced. He groaned, and tugged hard at the restraints binding him to the bed. "Come on, Vanitas," Ven panted, as soon as Vanitas broke the kiss off. "Let me out of the handcuffs. I want to touch you."
Vanitas was slightly red-faced and panting now, but dammit, he was still smirking like he’d just won a million munny. "I don’t think so, Ven," he said. "I’m the one in control in here." And with that, the dark-haired boy swiftly unbuckled Ven’s armored shoulder guard, tossing it into a corner of the room where it landed with a dull clank. Ven’s short-sleeved jacket followed soon after-Vanitas practically ripped the zipper off of it in his haste to get the blond’s chest bare. When Ven was naked from the waist up, Vanitas sat there for a few moments, straddling the blond and eyeing him with those odd yellow eyes and that smirk as if he were a delicious feast laid out just for him. Ven’s penis was now quite hard and he was pulling and twisting in the handcuffs, frustrated and aroused beyond words.
"Mmm, Ventus," Vanitas sighed. "Look at you. Hell, I’d have had you on your back months ago if I knew that was what you looked like with your shirt off. I think I could come just from the sight of it." Snickering, Vanitas leaned forward and began swiping his tongue across Ven’s chest in lazy circular patterns. Ven stilled immediately and began making the most delightful noises, mewls and soft moans and grunts. The blond bucked his hips and hissed when Vanitas bit at first one nipple and then the other, taking a few moments to suck at the hardened buds afterwards.
"You’re such a fucking virgin…so damn sensitive. Not that I’m complaining, though." Vanitas murmured, hands stroking up and down Ven’s sides as his tongue traced lower, over abdomen muscles defined from long hours of Keyblade practice and fighting Unversed. The dark-haired boy paused, briefly, to dip his tongue into the blond’s naval, which caused Ven to yelp and writhe in the most delightful way.
Vanitas’s hands danced over the hard bulge in Ven’s pants, long fingers touching and squeezing expertly through the cloth. A wet stain started to appear on the fabric from the blond’s precum. "Vanitas, please," Ven gasped out, his big sky-ocean-blue eyes filled with need. A need that right now, only Vanitas could provide. "Please, I-I need more. Take off my pants, please."
"Well, who am I to say no when you beg so perfectly, Ventus?" Vanitas laughed. Ven’s pants were soon pushed off and joined the rest of his clothes on the floor, followed by his boxers. Vanitas was about to grab Ven’s dick when the blond interrupted him.
"Wait a sec, how come you aren’t naked?" Ven asked. His eyes, although clouded with need and pleasure, narrowed in suspicion.
Vanitas resisted with great difficulty the urge to roll his eyes. "Because I’m the one in charge here, Ventus," he replied. "Don’t worry, you’ll be more than satisfied by the time I’m through." He reached up and tweaked a nipple to emphasize his point, making Ven yelp.
"OK," said Ven, "but how will you fuck me if your clothes are on?"
Vanitas really did roll his eyes at that one. Here he was, trying to fuck the brains out of an incredibly sexy blond, and the boy was complaining about his state of dress. Typical Ventus. Vanitas sighed and grumbled a bit under his breath, but wriggled out of his jumpsuit anyway, which joined the pile of clothing on the floor.
"Happy now?" Vanitas said, as he reached over and grabbed a tube of hand lotion he’d been keeping nearby. Normally the hand lotion was for treating the calluses that formed on his hands from the Keyblade, but tonight the lotion wasn’t just going on Vanitas’s hands. "I’m going to fuck you now, Ventus, and I’m gonna fuck you good. I want you to come for me, hard, and shouting my name."
Ven gasped and nodded, his eyes huge and glazed over with lust. Vanitas then liberally coated his hands with lotion and circled the tight, puckered hole of Ven’s entrance with one finger before pushing it in.
The blond cried out. "Agh-Vanitas! It-it hurts!"
"Just calm down," Vanitas muttered, searching for the spot inside Ven that would have the blond writhing and seeing stars. "It’ll hurt at first, but it gets better. Just wait until I find your prostate-"
Just then the blond bucked his hips up, crying out as Vanitas struck his prostate. The handcuffs rattled as Ven tried to impale himself on Vanitas’s finger. "There! Ah, that feels…feels good…"
Vanitas smirked. "Good boy," he crooned, adding a second finger and making a scissoring motion with both digits, making sure to hit Ven’s prostate with each thrust. "Doesn’t that feel nice, now?"
Once Ven had relaxed and was again letting out those delicious cries of pleasure in earnest, it was easy enough for Vanitas to add a third finger and continue thrusting and scissoring. The dark-haired boy’s cock was hard, and he could feel it dripping pre-cum onto the sheets, but he couldn’t fuck Ven, not yet. The blond had to be ready for him or his heart would never truly belong to Vanitas, only his body. And it was Ven’s precious heart, that shone with such a pure light and was untouched by even the faintest hint of darkness, which attracted Vanitas to him so much. So the dark-haired boy held back, and continued to thrust his fingers in and out of Ven.
"Please…please, Vanitas…" Ven was crying out. The blond was a writhing, gasping mess on the sheets, and Vanitas quite enjoyed the sight of his flushed skin and parted lips.
"What is it you want, Ventus?" Vanitas murmured, sliding up the other boy’s body to lightly bite at an earlobe. "I can’t give it to you if you don’t tell me what you want, now…’
"I…need you to fuck me…please…want you inside me…"
Smirking triumphantly, Vanitas knew then that he had finally won over his blond. "Well, since you said ‘please,’" he replied. Vanitas slicked his own cock up liberally, letting a few pants fall from his lips at the feel of his hands against his erection. It would be so much better if Ven were the one touching him…but that would come later. Right now, Vanitas positioned his cock at Ven’s entrance and in one quick movement sheathed himself up to the hilt.
Ven cried out in discomfort-despite the prep the dark-haired boy had given him, Vanitas’s cock was still bigger than three of his fingers, and it hurt a little to have something of that size inside him. But Vanitas couldn’t have moved even if he’d wanted to. It was so wonderfully tight and hot inside Ven, he felt as if he were coming undone. Vanitas moaned shamelessly, throwing his head back in bliss at the feeling…
"OK, you can move now," Ven grunted after a few minutes, having gotten used to the feeling of another’s cock inside him. The blond’s voice brought Vanitas back to himself, and he began to thrust, slowly at first, then harder. The two soon had a rhythm going, with Ven bringing his hips up to meet Vanitas’s thrusts. The dark-haired boy snaked a hand in between their two bodies and gripped Ven’s cock, pumping it hard in time to their movements.
"That’s it Ventus…move just like that…" Vanitas panted, as the flushed blond beneath him all but screamed in pleasure. "Doesn’t that feel good? Gods, you’re so tight…you drive me so fucking crazy…"
"I’m gonna-! Vanitas-!" Ven cried
"That’s it Ventus, come for me," Vanitas hissed, angling his thrusts so that he hit Ven’s prostate. He could feel his own orgasm coming, and knew that he wouldn’t last long himself-
With a cry of "Vanitas!" Ven came, his come his seed spurting over his chest and belly. Vanitas came a few seconds later with a low cry, filling Ven up with his come.
Vanitas pulled out of Ven and laid down next to the blond. Both boys were panting hard, red-faced and exhilarated. "So wasn’t that as good as I said it would be?" Vanitas grinned, turning to face his new lover. "You wanna do it again?"
Ven bit his lip, looking uncertain. "Um, I dunno," he said. "Can you let me out of these handcuffs first? They’re really starting to chafe."
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A few weeks later, Ven was in the Dwarf Woodlands when a horde of angry Unversed appeared in the scary-as-hell forest, which divided the Seven Dwarves’ cottage from the evil Queen’s castle. Summoning his Keyblade, Ven made short work of most of them, but was having a particularly tough time with an abnormally large Bruiser. No matter what Ven threw at the creature, it just seemed to bounce right off. The Unversed had him backed into a corner and Ven was starting to get worried when suddenly he heard the tinny sound of a Keyblade Glider’s magical engine nearby. A powerful spell brushed past Ven’s face, ruffling his spiky blond hair and causing the Bruiser to explode into wisps of blue smoke.
Then Aqua was standing in front him, lowering her Keyblade. Upon seeing Ven, she gave a strangled-sounding yelp that sounded like a dying bird, but which Ven knew meant that she was just happy and relieved to see him safe. Next thing he knew, the blond was being crushed to his surrogate big sister’s front in a bone-crushing hug.
"Oh, Ven, Ven," Aqua was saying, her voice breaking with relief. "I was so worried! I saw that masked boy drag you off; I was afraid you’d been killed or worse! Terra’s been frantic, he’s tearing up the worlds looking for you, he’ll be so relieved to find you safe…"
Ven’s eyes widened and he felt his cheeks heat up. Ever since the kidnapping incident, he and Vanitas had become, for lack of a better word, a "couple." They’d met up on various different worlds and the black-haired boy had given Ven some of the best sex he’d ever had in his life. Ven hadn’t forgotten about Terra and Aqua, of course, but he hadn’t even known that they knew he was missing. He hadn’t seen them on any of the worlds he’d visited lately, after all.
"Hey, what’s this?" Aqua said, and she released Ven in order to pick up a crumpled piece of paper off the ground. "Did the Unversed drop this? Looks like some kind of note..." She unfolded the paper and looked at it. And she kept looking at it, her eyes widening until Ven wondered if they’d pop out of her head.
Finally, Aqua turned to Ven. "I…I think this is for you," she said in a hoarse, unbelieving whisper.
After Ven read the piece of paper, he wanted nothing more than to sink into the ground and remain there for all of eternity. The blond was pretty sure he’d be the first person in all of recorded history to die of embarrassment after this.
Ventus-
I guessed you’d be going to Dwarf Woodlands next, it was the direction you were headed in after leaving Deep Space. Who knew cum could float around like that in zero grav, huh?
Anyway, I hope this Unversed manages to find you OK-I created him a little tougher than the normal Bruisers so that he’d be able to protect your note.
Meet me in that meadow at the outskirts of Dwarf Woodlands. The one with all the flowers and sunshine? I personally hate that shit, but I know you like it, and I’ve got some scented lube I want to try out. You’ll love it, I promise.
-Vanitas
Ven slowly looked back up, horrified to see what Aqua’s reaction might be. She was going to hate him for causing her so much worry, and then she’d berate him for starting a relationship with a crazy kidnapper, of all people.
But instead of yelling at him, Aqua was looking at Ven rather…curiously. "So is it any good?" She asked.
Ven spent what he was sure was a full minute staring at Aqua with his mouth open before spluttering out, "Wh-what?!"
"The sex. Is it any good?"
"Wait a second," Ven said, trying to wrap his head around the fact that the girl who was, for all intents and purposes, his big sister was asking him how he liked sex with his boyfriend. "Aren’t you mad at me? You know, for starting a relationship with a guy who kidnapped me?"
Aqua smiled a little, and Ven found himself in her embrace once more. "Well, I can’t say I approve just yet. You’ll have to introduce me, and I’ll need to have a talk with this ‘Vanitas’ of yours. But…for now, you’re happy. And in the end, that’s all that really matters to me, Ven."
The blue-haired Keyblade Master let Ven go and ruffled his hair slightly. "Now go see your boyfriend," she said. "I know you really want to."
Ven grinned, so widely that he thought his face would crack in two. He reached forward and hugged Aqua back tightly. "The sex is great," he said, before running off in the direction of the meadow where Vanitas awaited him with scented lube.
Hopefully it was coconut. Ven loved coconuts.
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