Lessons in Love | By : KyeShgall Category: +A through F > Dragon Age (all) > Dragon Age (all) Views: 3890 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: Bioware (and not I) owns Dragon Age 2 and all its characters. I make no profits of any kind from my writing. |
Hawke wasn’t in the mood for drinking, which was actually a good thing, because the Hanged Man’s finest was never quite fine enough—in fact, it was ungodly awful. So she joined Varric for a pint or two of water and sat back to listen as he spun some ridiculous tale about a shape-shifting golem who slew darkspawn all day, then turned into a handsome young beardless dwarf-lord by night and went out courting ladies. Except she was only half-listening to Varric, because the rest of her attention was two tables away, where Merrill sat with a young city guard recruit.
The elf mage was flirting—or trying to. And Hawke was interested, because, well, she’d put Merrill up to it. The adorable—if unseasoned—guardling had been eying Merrill all evening. And since the elf’s most recent complaint had been that no one was interested in getting to know her beyond friendship, Hawke had thought this would be the perfect opportunity to boost a shy friend’s confidence. Her advice on the flirtatious arts had been simple and direct enough that even a Dale of nervous demeanor should have had no problem with it. Everyone likes compliments. So start with those. Perhaps choose the person’s nicest feature and tell them why you think it’s charming. But of course Merrill had botched it with, “You do have an awfully nice, long nose… for a shemlen… although your nostrils are very big. When it rains, do you ever have bugs fly up them seeking shelter?” “Well, that’s not working,” said Hawke as the guard recruit laughed nervously before getting up to leave Merrill alone at her table. Varric kicked Hawke’s leg in a frustrated attempt to regain her attention. “You asked for a story and you’re not even listening.” Hawke turned to him. “I hate when you kick,” she said in her sharpest, most exasperated tone. “And the reason I’m not listening is because I asked for a story… not a pitifully-disguised autobiographical narrative about your conquests.” “Semi-autobiographical,” he said and when she narrowed her eyes and glared at him hard, he added, “I was never a golem.” Hawke couldn’t help but smile. “You’d make a stunning one, I’m sure. All the she-golems would swoon and flutter.” “I know it,” he said. Hawke’s burst of merry laughter did not stop her from hooking a chair with her foot and deftly maneuvering it into position for Merrill, who had arrived at their table seeking solace. “Thanks, Hawke,” the elf said and slumped into the proffered seat. “I hate to say it, but I’m afraid your advice on flirting wasn’t very good.” “What’s this?” Varric asked, perking up at the mention of flirting. “If Hawke’s giving advice, of course it’s bad. She’s possibly the crudest flirt I’ve ever met.” “Oh, be quiet,” Hawke said. “You’ve only seen ‘crude,’ because you’re not interested. I don’t waste ‘suave’ where it’s not appreciated.” “That’s a terrible attitude,” Varric said. “Just because you think it’s not appreciated, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t at least put in the effort.” “And you just want to be flirted with,” Hawke said. “Possibly,” Varric said. “Well, if you both know so much about flirting, maybe you can stop arguing about it and try to help me… somehow. But I fear I’m a lost cause. Giving compliments doesn’t seem to be my speciality,” Merrill said. “I told her to pick a feature and compliment it,” Hawke said for Varric’s benefit. “Well, that’s great advice,” Varric said. “What went wrong?” “Not sure,” said Merrill. “I complimented his nose. But I think I got stuck in his nostrils.” Varric glanced with uncertainty at Hawke, but she was nodding, as if she understood the problem perfectly. “You did,” Hawke said. “Compliments should be simple and direct. Avoid nuances. They’ll just lead you off center. For example, let’s say I was going to flirt with Varric with a feature-related compliment. I’d do it like this...” Hawke caught Merrill’s eye for a moment before she turned to Varric and leaned in towards him. “You know,” she said, her voice gone softer, a delicate smile playing at her lips, “I don’t think I’ve ever told you how much I like the chest hair.” As Varric leaned closer, offering her the very start of a wicked smile, Hawke pulled back and addressed Merrill once again. “You see, that worked, he’s clearly interested. So what I definitely wouldn’t do is ruin the moment by saying something like…” She turned back to Varric. “You do know you’ve got bits of pastry crumbs stuck all in there like you’re saving it for later. Was that accidental or did you plan it that way?” Varric looked down, suddenly self-conscious. “Shit,” he said. “Why didn’t you tell me?” “See,” Hawke said to Merrill, “romantic moment ruined.” Having brushed all visible pastry crumbs from his chest, Varric reached down his tunic to remove a few stubborn bits that had slipped lower.While AFF and its agents attempt to remove all illegal works from the site as quickly and thoroughly as possible, there is always the possibility that some submissions may be overlooked or dismissed in error. The AFF system includes a rigorous and complex abuse control system in order to prevent improper use of the AFF service, and we hope that its deployment indicates a good-faith effort to eliminate any illegal material on the site in a fair and unbiased manner. This abuse control system is run in accordance with the strict guidelines specified above.
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