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Gears Of Cupcakes	By : TheMadSlasher Category: +G through L > Gears of War Views: 1473 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Gears of War is the property of Epic Games, not the author. The author makes no money from this fiction.

Chapter List
- 1-Gears Of Cupcakes
- 1
Gears Of Cupcakes

A Parody

"Shit," grumbled Sergeant Fenix as he tried to move and realized he couldn't. First Cole died, now this.... his eye scanned the room but all he could make out was an inky haze floating beyond his retina. As his iris adjusted, he made out the familiar goggled form in the shadows.

"Baird! Lemme the fuck go!" he barked in the most badass 'Sergeant Fenix' voice he possibly could. Baird ignored him and remained hunched over a tray.

He moved his eyes and saw what he wished wasn't true. Thick leather straps held him down to an operating table that lay at a steep incline. Thin tendrils of light filtered through the cracks of the room's walls, but the light was too diffused to provide real illumination. Fenix's heartrate began to increase but he made no expression of it. The air licked at his completely naked body. His limbs were all spread out widely, leaving every part of his body defenseless.

"Come on, Fenix," Baird began in his usual tone of deadpan mockery, "I thought you'd be happy! After all, this is your fuckin' party!" Baird stood up from the tray and then began moving towards one of the walls.

Fenix raised one eyebrow. Party? Both eyebrows instantly shot upwards as the light came on. So did his heart rate.

On the back wall of the room were letters painted in the familiar rusted red-brown color of dried blood. IT'S A FUCKING PARTY DOWN HERE!

Baird turned away from the light switch and began arrogantly striding over to Marcus. His face bore a depraved, sadistic leer.

"So, ya finally cracked, huh Baird?" Marcus said in a flat growl.

"Told ya that making me wade through all those sewers would come back to bite you in the ass, Fenix!" Damon replied with an almost cheerful snarl. He then raised a straw-colored eyebrow. "What? No compliment on my new tux?"

Fenix looked down at Baird's "tux." It seemed to be made out of something tough and almost leathery... a dark brown rather.. oh fuck. A furious roar lept out of Marcus' throat.

Baird smirked even as he felt the droplets of Fenix's spittle land on his face. "Don't worry, I made it easy for Cole. It was quick and painless, and c'mon, I needed a new fuckin' tux!"

"He was the only person that actually could stand you, Baird." Marcus' stony stare was a mask for his complete lack of comprehension. A bead of nervous sweat dripped off his forehead even if his face made no twitch.

"Which is why he died painlessly. As for you, well no, its gonna hurt like fuck! And Dom..." Baird's leer got worse.

Another hate-filled roar shot out of Fenix's lungs. "YOU SICK FUCK!!"

"Awwww, wanna be protective of your bitch, huh Fenix?" Baird began pouting, "because you're the only man that's allowed to hurt Dom huh? Because his constant cries of 'MARIA!!!' when you jam it into him are keeping me up at night and I can't stand it any more and so I'm gonna kill you both?"

Baird pulled the tray close. Marcus saw the harsh flourescent light cast an even harsher gleam on the array of cold steel blades and syringes lying there. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck....

"But no, it wasn't really the lack of sleep which pissed me off like this..." Baird continued as he picked up a scalpel, "it was the motherfuckin' food."

Fenix raised an eyebrow.

"Yep, the food," Baird continued as he focused on how the light made the edge of the scalpel glitter. "Brumak Jerky for lunch, Hoffman's freeze-dried regurgitations for dinner, sawdust for breakfast. Or in your case, Dom's jizz for breakfast."

Marcus only growled in response. More stray drops of nervous sweat snaked down his naked, muscular torso.

Baird looked into Marcus' eyes again. His leer only got larger. "You know what I really miss? Well, before the Department Of Nutrition And Societal Health nationalized the fuckin' bakeries to 'ensure the health of young Serans so they may serve society better,' the bakery down the road from my place had some fuckin' tasty cupcakes. So light and fluffy inside and slathered with the thickest chocolate frosting that tasted just like molten milk chocolate.." Baird's gaze wandered as he remembered the texture of the frosting as his teeth sank into the yielding layer of sugary lusciousness.

"Get to the point, Baird."

Damon rolled his eyes and groaned. "Thanks for taking me out of my yummy flashback, asshole. Anyway," he took a breath and walked closer to Fenix with scalpel in hand, "I found out this fuckin' tasty cupcakes recipie. So now I actually get to eat something that doesn't taste like shit. And unfortunately, the batch I made Cole into has ran out."

Fenix couldn't decide if he should gag or laugh. His breathing came rapid, his heart pounded and his eyes darted left and right from the floor to the ceiling to Baird's face to the scalpel to the Cole-tux to the letters in blood back to Baird's face again and... yet...

"Okay, so you wake up strapped to an operating table with blood writing on the walls and I'm wearing a suit made out of my best friend's skin and the only think you can think about is the fact I'm making human flesh cupcakes, huh?"

Fenix tried to nod, but the leather strap across his forehead prevented him.

"You're so fuckin' predictable, Fenix. Yeahyeahyeah, you can't bake with human flesh, heard that one before. They'd taste terrible, yeah maybe, but they taste better than what they fuckin' feed us now, so whatever. Anyway, we've established motive and all that shit, so let's just get down to business!"

Fenix clenched his jaw harder. He wouldn't let Baird have the satisfaction of making him scream.

Baird then looked at the scalpel again. "Nope, too easy" he said as he quickly placed it back on the tray.

Marcus looked away as he saw Damon's fingers wrap around the handle of what looked like a ten-inch knife. His teeth began to grind against each other and his brow furrowed. A frustrated growl wormed its way up from his lungs. He clamped his eyes shut.

"So Fenix, when was the last time Dom fucked you? Oh, wait, I forgot, you don't let him fuck you because you think that would emasculate you, huh? Because you wanna be the big bad alpha dog, huh? Well I think you need to get fucked, and since there's no way in hell I'm gonna stick my dick in a Hoffman-fellating fuckstain like you, I'm gonna use this!"

Ohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuck he thought as he gulped. His teeth ached from how hard he was clenching them together but all he could think about was how Baird was going to knife-rape him. His face began to twitch as he ground against the operating table; the cracked leather surface seemed slickened with his sweat.

"Don't worry, I'll use lube!" Baird continued with false consideration.

Against his better judgment, Fenix opened his eyes. He witnessed Baird slathering the blade with lube. Immediately, he clamped his eyes shut again.

"Like you'd know, Fenix, but blood's a coagulant and not a lubricant. What would a dumb fuck like you know about lube anyway? After all you never used enough on Dom going by how funny he walked the next day..." Baird then looked over at Fenix's form. Then he began to walk over.

Damon's latex-glove-clad hands brushed Fenix's cock and balls aside and positioned the knife right below the asshole Sergeant's asshole. And then in one smooth shove, Baird rammed the knife deep into Marcus's rectum.

Baird gleefully observed Fenix's face. For a moment, it looked like Marcus was indeed being fucked; the jaw was clamped shut, the eyes were screwed tightly and the brow was contorted in agony. But then the Sergeant's mouth opened and an anguished roar shot from the man's lungs with the force of a jet engine. The sonic tsunami echoed off the concrete walls.

Baird let out a satisfied, dark chuckle at the look of sheer agony on Fenix's face. The chuckle immediately stopped as he heard a mixture of a clang and a splash; he looked between Fenix's legs and saw that the knife had been evacuated from the dark-haired man's anus alongside the contents of Marcus's bowels. The metallic scent of blood mingled with the reek of feces.

"Well fuckin' thank you," Baird said in a quick and frustrated rasp as he raised his hands in exasperation. He began to pace around, "really?!? Do you have even the slightest fuckin' idea about how hard it is to keep a torture dungeon clean?!? Thanks for making even more work for me... shit, just like normal, huh Sarge? Do this, do that, fix this, fix that, play fetch with Cole, etcetera etcetera, and now clean up my shit!" Baird took a breath and resumed chuckling, "but now I'm glad I decided against fucking you with my cock!"

It wasn't the worst pain he'd ever felt. It was close, but it wasn't the worst. But feeling so powerless to stop it... so completely helpless and defenseless... so violated and penetrated and defiled and... Fenix tried to hold the vomit down in his stomach. Bile bubbled up his throat but he kept swallowing it down. The sticky trickle down the insides of his legs and the rancid smells moving past his nostrils made it an uphill battle. "Please, Damon... stop... or kill me quick or something..."

"No can do," Baird said with near-scientific indifference as he looked back at the tray. "Party ain't over yet."

Baird's leer returned as his cobalt gaze moved over what looked like the soldering iron. "I'm really tempted to say this party is really gonna get hotter but that would be the shittiest pun I could make," he said as he plugged the iron's extension lead into a portable generator behind the operating table.

Fenix's pupils went wide as he glimpsed the soldering iron in Baird's hand. "Fuck you Baird.... fuck you so much..."

"Last I remember you were the one getting fucked, meathead," Baird replied smugly. "Anyway, I customized this to make it much hotter than a typical soldering iron. So feel welcome to scream like the bitch you are."

Baird brought the red-hot tip of the iron to Fenix's skin. He watched how the Sergeant's epidermis almost bubbled when the metal touched it; the flesh practically dissolved into a biological sludge with a fizzing pop.

The synapse-shredding burn slithered up his right bicep like a snake made out of magma. His angered roar seemed to disintegrate with each passing second; the roar became interspersed with short, strangled cries that Fenix tried to stifle yet couldn't. He couldn't move his head and all he could hear was Baird's infuriating, smug, gloating chuckle right in his ear.

When Baird removed the iron, Fenix inhaled quickly. The smell of his own burning flesh registered and finally drove the nausea past boiling point; the metallic blood and decomposing feces mixed with the reek of his own evaporated skin ejected a torrent of vomit from his stomach and out of his mouth. The concoction of acid and bile splashed against the concrete floor.

"Awww, fuck. AGAIN!" Baird roared. "You know, this place is starting to smell like a fucking slaughterhouse!" Baird paused and quickly rolled his eyes, "well that makes fuckin' sense but still, this is REALLY gonna suck to clean up. I shudder to think what other body fluids we can get outta you at this rate! Blood and shit and puke... what's next? Well it ain't gonna be cum, don't get your hopes up..."

Damon placed the soldering iron back on the tray. "Shit, you'd never think torturing someone to death would be so damn boring..." he thought as he paced around the room again, taking care to step over the fluids Marcus had coated the floor with. "Your stoic act just makes you the torture equivalent of necrophilia..."

Damon looked back to the tray and suddenly his angry scowl became the closest approximation of childlike glee he could express; his gaze had discovered the ripsaw!

Marcus' downcast head only noticed the shadow of the saw on the ground, but that was enough. His shaky breaths were punctuated by the periodic drizzle of saliva and remnants of puke that kept dripping from his mouth. "Please Baird... you've had your fun. Just kill me now and get it over with."

Baird ignored him and approached the table. He quickly tied a torniquet around Fenix's upper left bicep and pulled it as tight as he could. Baird took Fenix's grunt as a cue to begin. "Coarse-toothed ripsaws are really fuckin' fun when they're a bit rusty and blunt."

The engineer laid the blade on the Sergeant's left bicep and chuckled when he noticed the dark-haired man's slight shudder. A few seconds later he took a breath and began to push the saw forward.

The jagged, filthy metal teeth didn't cut the flesh; they chewed it apart. Each cold ridge excavated a new path through Fenix's arm. The sound of torn squelches reached Baird's ears and served as the perfect background texture for Marcus's roaring cries of agony. Damon pushed the blade downwards with white-knuckled force and began to pull it back. Half way through the stroke, the wet ripping began to give way to an angry crunching grind. Damon could see the white bone and gray marrow fragments clinging to the saw's teeth as he fully pulled the tool back. The slow, steady drip of crimson only added to Baird's glee.

The ripping grinding tearing burn moving through his bicep obliterated every other sensation pulverizing his nerves; the only thing he could feel was the gritty blade's teeth gnashing through his arm. Each individual tooth wrenched a yell from his lungs. Even the rust on the side of the saw registered to his nerves; an additional jagged grinding texture dragged through his limb.

"There's something that's gotta be said for this... chainsaws are so fuckin' impersonal, they make it too quick and easy, press a button and the shithead loses a limb..." Baird spat the syllables out in a rapid stream, "now this just makes it so much more meaningful, huh Fenix?"

Fenix didn't even hear Damon; his entire world had been reduced to his own gasping roars and his left arm. Even his sliced asshole and burned right bicep had been washed away in the torrent of agony.

The metal-on-bone crunch finally faded out and only a few squelching tears remained. Sweat dripped off Baird's brow as the saw shredded through the skin at the base of Fenix's bicep. He tossed the ripsaw back onto the tray before he chuckled again.

"Ahhh, yeah, I finally got you to scream! Man, I even had to break a sweat!"

Fenix's screams were slowly replaced by a mixture of groans, wheezing gasps, and even a few strangled whimpers. Fenix tried to swallow them, but simply couldn't. His field of vision was wreathed in twisting mirages; blood loss...

"End it... please... anything... just..."

"Yeah yeah, quit bitching," Baird replied as he picked up a pistol from the cart and aimed it at his leader's face. He moved closer and placed the gunbarrel right against Fenix's forehead.

The cool ring of metal resting there felt like something he knew Baird didn't have for him. End it. Please.

Immediately, Baird swung the pistol downwards and pulled the trigger.

Fenix gasped, barely holding back a yelp, as he felt the hot metal blast through his cock and balls. He saw them right there; his cock had been blasted off half-way down the shaft and his testicles had been shredded. Gouts of blood splashed onto the floor, joining the coagulated pool from earlier.

"On second thought," Baird said through his arrogant smirk as he removed the torniquet, "I'll let you bleed out. Too much blood in the cupcakes makes 'em too moist."

Fenix didn't even respond as he heard Damon's footsteps slowly fade. The haze intensified; the agony seemed to dull around the edges. His field of vision contracted inward. He could barely register when Baird switched off the lights.

-------

"COLE! WAKE UP!"

The hands holding him down only made him struggle.

"C'mon, Cole, stop... OWW! LISTEN! You're having a fucking nightmare! WAKE UP!!!"

Cole's eyes shot open and he saw that face; the same blond, goggle-wearing psychotic that turned him into a tuxedo and sawed off Marcus's arm and... and...

The light turned on. Baird was sitting on the floor on the other side of the room, finger on the switch.

Cole fell silent and took a breath. "Damon, baby... sorry..."

"Yeah yeah, it's happened before. Goodnight." Baird switched off the light again and got up. He turned towards the entrance.

"Wait... Baird.." Cole asked.

Baird turned around, groaned and rolled his eyes. "If it helps, wanna bunk with me?"

Cole got up and looked at his friend. He didn't move, his heart still pounded.

"C'mon. What's the worst I could do to you?"
THE END
- 1
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Gears Of Cupcakes