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The greatest stories never told	By : anawesomeblossom Category: Zelda > General Views: 10849 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Zelda, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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One day Groose was sad.
He was sad before, but then he was happy, and now he is sad again. Cawlin kept crawling into his bed at night and crying so much that at first Groose thought he had peed the bed again and got really mad but he was just crying because Stritch left him for bugs or something. Groose didn't really want to know. Stritch was fornicating with bugs or something, like I said Groose didn't really want to know I mean it's his business he can do what he want all I'm saying is that Stritch was in bugland and Groose just didn't really wanna know. But what he was sad about was that Link and Zelda were shagging in Grooseland without him. That is to say they probably were. If Groose was Link he definitely would have. But Groose wasn't Link and knowing Link he probably didn't even know he had a dick or if he did he thought it was the sword and Groose didn't really want to think about Link sticking a sword up Zelda's SACRED CAVERN OF HONOR because that just wasn't Link's style. He thought Zelda was more likely to be wielding the sword up Link's squishy butthole, and he thought about that in a non-gay way.
Anyway, he was sad because Zelda wasn't there to politely stick his wang into.
“OH ZELDA” he yelled to the ground “MY LOVE FOR YOU IS LIKE A REALLY BIG THING THAT IS NOT AS BIG AS MY GROOSENATOR” (the Groosenator was another name for his penis. But it didn't fire big bombs. Fortunately.) “AND DEFINITELY IS BIGGER THAN LINK'S SAUSAGE” (he didnt know what a sausage was, but sausage links sounded good, and he thought that in a non-gay way).
When Zelda didn't fly up to tell him to shut the fuck up or get on her dick, Groose knew hope was lost. It was also dark so he couldn't fly down. Which also meant she couldn't fly up. But whatever.
Since Zelda was unavailable in Grooseland, he went to the next best thing: her Loftwing in wherever they go offscreen. Groose went there and found her Loftwing.
“ZELDA'S LOFTWING” he announced “I HAVE FOUND YOU” because he did.
Zelda's Loftwing cawwed and it reminded Groose of Zelda. It got him sad. But also hot because he was definitely attracted to Zelda and definitely not coincidentally attracted to Link with his face and eyebag things and appendages or something I mean who knew because love had no boundaries and it's okay Groose he gives me a bonor too.
So he politely stuck his wang inside Zelda's Loftwing's handy hole somewhere, and Zelda's Loftwing didn't mind so much because Groose had manners and those were important because all the other Loftwings just acted like convenient big birds or something and that pissed Zelda's Loftwing off even thought Zelda's Loftwing was a convenient big bird or something, too. But fuck those guys because Zelda's Loftwing was about to become part of history after Groose spewed his bomb load that wasn't actually a bomb because that would have been awkward.
Groose came so he wasn't sad anymore and he politely removed his wang from Zelda's Loftwing's premises. But to his surprise Zelda's Loftwing dropped a big deuce on his shoe. It wasn't a deuce though whatever that was because it was an egg. That was still gross though and Groose politely kicked it across Skyloft. As polite was he was about it though Zelda's Loftwing thought it was quite rude.
Groose groosed back home to the academy because he had to get up early to not go to classes because nobody ever left their spots to do anything but Groose had to get up early to do that. When he got to his bed he saw Cawlin wet the bed again with his tears again but beside him was that great big egg deuce thing so he said “GROSS” and dropped it on the floor. But that was rather impolite the deuce egg thought so it hatched and crawled onto Groose's face to sleep while Groose was busy dreaming non-gay things.
When Groose woke up early to stand in the same spot all day and not go to class, he found something on his face. He might have missed if it it wasn't on his face. It was boobs. There were boobs on his face. Not that Groose knew what boobs were, but they were there and his face was covered in them. Multiple boobs that felt like Loftwing feathers.
“OH NO” Groose said which awoke the boobs and he was about to shout something else but he lost his train of thought much like I did because the boobs fell off and rolled onto his boner, promptly killing it.
“hello” Ooccoo said.
Groose was the saddest.
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The greatest stories never told