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Kamasutra Hearts	By : LOL-PartyUp Category: Kingdom Hearts > General Views: 18232 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Kamasutra Hearts

Episode 0: Sora's Wet Dream

Disclaimer: This is a sexual parody of the Kingdom Hearts series which contains sex, drugs, alcohol, swearing, violence, blood, and gore. The story remains the same as the original games with some alterations to the plot when needed. Most of the characters have also had their personalities altered as well. The idea came from a Kingdom Hearts hentai comic which was partially translated into English. It’s also inspired by another fanfiction story called Key to the Heart by AndrewJTalon and Captain Sarcasm. Which had Sora going around different worlds and having sex with different female characters. Like Yuffie, Alice, Jane, and Jasmine. The story was sadly abandoned in June 13, 2007. Also yeah like usual another inspiration for this story is Dysfunctional Hearts as well because it’s my favorite KH parody. My main genre is comedy so I’ll mostly focus on that and since I’m not good with action I won’t really do boss battles like in my previous story Red vs Blue: The Kingdom Hearts Saga. Anyways please enjoy…Everything in this story is owned by Square-Enix and Disney (mostly Disney though including all the original content like Sora, Destiny Islands, Heartless, and ect. What? You thought everything was owned by Square except for the Disney characters? Sorry Reader that is incorrect…) and I claim no ownership for anything in this story. No money/profit is being made for this story either. I do not own Kingdom Hearts, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Pairings: None…

Somewhere in an unknown place a boy can be seen falling under water. The boy has spiky brown hair, silver crown necklace, blue eyes, white gloves, red shirt, red shorts, yellow shoes, blue belt, and white and blue jacket.

"I've been having these sexual thoughts lately, like is any of this arousing or not?" The boy said to himself as he was falling.

Seconds later the boy landed on an island. The island was surrounded by water, palm trees, and wooden buildings. The boy then shield his eyes from the sun. He then saw another boy standing in the water. The second boy had silver hair, teal eyes, yellow blue and white shirt, blue pants, black gloves, yellow blue and white shoes, and black wrist bands. The second boy then held out his hand for the first.

“Ugh...too...bright...need...sunglasses...must...talk ...like...this!” The spiky haired boy said.

“Grab my hand if you want to live!” The silver boy said.

The spiky haired boy tried to grab the silver haired boy's hand. Unfortunately he wasn't able to due to the fact that a tidal wave stopped him from doing so. Moments later the sky was dawn and the spiky haired boy finally came up to the surface. Over at the beach a girl with auburn hair, blue eyes, white purple and black shirt, black collar, necklace with a white stone, lavender shorts, purple belt, yellow wristband, yellow and black armbands, and yellow black white purple and lavender shoes can be seen waving at the boy. The spiky haired boy then walked over to where the girl was.

“Are my boobs too small?” The girl asked the spiky haired boy while squeezing her b cup breasts.

“What?” The boy asked with a confused look on his face.

“Sometimes I think they’re too small.”

The girl and spiky haired boy then look up to the sky. What they saw appears to be the boy falling in the sky. The boy then falls backwards and ends up falling in the sky.

“I regret nothing!” The boy said while falling.

The spiky haired boy can then be seen falling underwater again. He soon ends up landing on the ground. Suddenly a bunch of birds fly off from the ground. A portrait can be seen underneath the boy's feet. The portrait is a picture of a woman with black hair, red lips, blue top, and a long yellow skirt.

"So much fucking to do, so little time to get laid...Take your time spanking the monkey. Don't be afraid to whack it. The door is still shut. Now, step forward. Can you do it?" A mysterious voice asked the boy.

“Ugh...my body hurts...I think I broke something! Is there a hospital in this fucked up looking place? I didn’t go to HealthCare dot Gov by the way...” The boy asked after standing up off the ground.

The boy steps forward. Then, trapezoid stones with a dildo bat, a condom shield, and a vibrator staff appeared.

“Oh sweet weapons! Dibs on the bat.”

Suddenly the girl from earlier materialized in front of the boy…

"If you give yourself an erection...you will be given true strength. Choose well." The mysterious voice told the spiky haired boy.

“Kai...Kai...Kairi...is that you?” The boy said while rubbing his eyes.

“Sora I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately.” Kairi said while smiling at the boy.

“But how did you get here? Where are we?” Sora said confused while looking around his surroundings.

“That’s not important right now. What matters right now is that you need to properly arm yourself.” Kairi said while pointing at the three weapons.

“Arm myself? For what?”

“To protect me of course silly. You may not realise it Sora but there are dark forces at work as we speak. They wish nothing but harm towards me Sora. You won’t let them hurt me...will you?” Kairi asked Sora with a sad look on her face.

“What? Of course not! Don’t worry Kairi I’ll do whatever it takes to protect you no matter what!” Sora said with a serious look on his face.

“I knew I could count on you. Now choose a weapon you Spiky Haired Weasel.”

After thinking it over for awhile Sora then picks the bat.

"The power of the pimp. Invincible sex drive. A dildo of terrible destruction. Is this the sexual power you seek?" The mysterious voice asks Sora.

“Hells yeah! Ain’t nobody gonna touch Kairi now.”

"Your path is set." The mysterious voice told the spiky haired kid. "Now, what will you give up in exchange?"

Sora chooses the condom shield.

"The power of the Trojan. Protection to protect lovers. A shield to repel STD’s. You give up this power?"

“Yeah man! Who needs a shield when you have a badass bat anyways?”

"You've chosen the power of the pimp. You've given up the power of the Trojan. Is this the form you choose?"

“You bet your virginity it is!”

The trapezoid stones disappeared. The floor shatters seconds after Kairi vanished in front of Sora’s eyes and Sora falls down. Sora then lands on the circular floor with a portrait of a blonde woman wearing a white dress. A giant dildo bat appeared in Sora’s hands.

“Kairi? Kairi? Kairi! Damn...where did she go?!”

"You gained the power to fight."

Sora tried out the attack with the dildo.

“Never thought I’d ever use a dildo as a weapon.”

"All right! You've got it playa. Use this power to protect yourself and others from the darkness and STD’s."

Suddenly the silver haired boy from earlier appeared in front of Sora…

“Riku? Is that you?”

“Of course. Who else do you know is this damn good looking?” Riku said with a smirk on his face.

“Riku have you seen Kairi? She was here a few minutes ago.”

“Don’t worry about her she’ll be fine. You need to worry about yourself right now Sora!”

“What? What do you mean?”

“Listen Sora there are dark forces plotting against the universe as we speak. You can’t let them succeed in their goals. You must defeat them no matter what!”

“Don’t worry Riku with you at my side there’s nobody who can beat us!”

“Heh you were always the optimistic one.”

Suddenly black shadows with glowing yellow eyes and antennas appeared.

"There will be times when you have to fight. Keep your groin throbbing and hard."

Sora ran towards one of the shadows and jumped in the air. He then brought the dildo bat down on the shadow pogo stick style. The shadow then disappeared. One of the shadows sneaks up on the boy and kicks him in the back. Causing Sora to fall on his face. When he got up you could see fire in his eyes. He then ran full speed towards the shadow and kicked him in the air. He then disappeared and reappeared behind the yellow-eyed creature and sliced him in half. After landing on the ground Sora spotted one more shadow he decided to lunge at the shadow. The dildo bat sliced the shadow in half.

"Behind you...rapist!" The mysterious voice warns Sora.

A shadow managed to flatten itself on the ground and tried to sneak up on Sora. Sora then turned around and stabbed his dildo bat right through the shadow’s stomach. The dark creature then disappeared.

After defeating all the shadows Riku then vanishes and a dark void appears. Sora ends up getting sucked into it. Sora then ends up in a multicolored portrait. A door appears and Sora walks up to it.

“Damn...this door is harder to get into then Kairi’s pussy!” Sora said after trying to open the door.

Sora saw a treasure chest and opens it. Then a large crate appeared. Sora pushes and smashes it. Then a barrel appeared and Sora smashed that as well. The door then opens and lights are coming out of it as Sora enters the door. In an island three figures are waiting. The first is a girl with brown hair, yellow dress with suspenders, and sandals. The second figure is a boy with brown hair, yellow and white shirt, and yellow shoes. The third figure is a boy with red hair, yellow shirt, blue bandanna, and orange pants.

"Hold on playa. The door won't open just yet. First, tell me more about yourself." The mysterious voice tells Sora.

Sora talks to the brown haired boy…

"What are you afraid of?"

“Getting raped.”

"Gettin' raped? Is that really so scary?"

“You damn right it is!” Sora said while shuddering.

Sora then talks to the red haired boy…

"What do you want outta life homie?"

“To finally lose my virginity.”

“To lose your virginity...huh?”

“That’s correct.”

Sora finally talks to the brunette girl…

"What's most important to you?"

“Taking Kairi’s virginity.”

“Is taking Kairi’s virginity such a big deal?”

“It is to me!”

"You're afraid of getting raped. You want to lose your virginity. You want to take Kairi’s virginity. Your adventure begins at dawn. As long as the sun is shining, your journey should be an orgasmic one." The mysterious voice tells Sora.

“Sounds good to me.”

"The day you will open the door is both far off and very near."

Sora then appeared in a circular floor with a portrait of a blonde woman in a purple dress holding a rose. Sora approaches a light and group of shadows appears. Sora manages to defeat them all. After that Sora walks towards a light to reveal stairs to the next area. Sora then arrives to a portrait of a woman with brown hair and a yellow dress. Kairi then reappears in front of Sora…

"The closer you get to the light, the greater your shadow becomes."

Suddenly Sora's shadow rises off the floor and turns into a giant shadow and grabs Kairi…

“Sora help me!”

“Kairi...hold on I’m coming!”

"But don't be afraid. And don't forget..." The mysterious voice starts to say.

Sora took out his dildo bat and ran towards the shadow known as Darkside with fire in his eyes. Darkside punches the ground nearly missing Sora. Seconds later a dark void appears underneath Darkside’s hand.

Suddenly more shadows appeared and Sora just sliced through all of them like butter. He then focused on Darkside and ran towards him. He raised his dildo bat and then sliced his arm with it. Seconds later black liquid started gushing out of Darkside’s arm. He then roared in anger before swatting Sora with his other hand across the portrait.

When Sora got up scrape marks and blood could be seen on his body. He ignored them and ran back towards Darkside who was conjuring up more shadows. Sora easily smote the shadows before attacking Darkside. He lunged his bat at Darkside slicing off one of his legs, which caused more black liquid to flow. This forced Darkside to hold himself up with both hands on the ground.

Darkside then shot homing lasers from his heart shaped stomach. Sora stood his ground and deflected the lasers back at Darkside hitting him everywhere on his body. Sora then disappeared and reappeared behind Darkside in midair and brought down his bat on his back. This made a giant cut on Darkside’s back causing more blood to gush everywhere. Darkside then smashed Sora into the ground while conjuring up more shadows.

The shadows started to attack Sora by biting and scratching him to death. Sora just sliced and diced through the shadows with ease. He then got up and drank a health potion that he found earlier. He then started to attack Darkside’s hand by hacking and slashing it with his dildo bat. Darkside just roared and pulled his hand back from the ground.

Sora took this opportunity to run up Darkside’s arm and slice his face with his dildo bat. Which left a giant cut on Darkside’s face and caused blood to ooze out everywhere. Getting fed up with Sora Darkside summoned more shadows while bombarding the whole place with lasers from his chest. Sora easily defeated the shadows while deflecting the lasers back at Darkside. Sora then pinned down Darkside’s hand to the ground with his dildo bat.

He then ran up his arm and summoned his dildo bat. He then jumped in the air and brought down his bat down on Darkside’s face before landing on the ground. This caused an x mark to be seen on Darkside’s face. At this point Sora ran towards Darkside and threw his dildo bat at his head. It then landed right in-between Darkside’s eyes.

After the fight, a black circle appears under Sora.

"But don't be afraid. You hold the sexiest weapon of all."

Moments later Sora can be seen being engulfed by the void along with Kairi.

"So don't forget playa. You are the one who will open the door." The mysterious voice said before being heard for the last time.

“Sora...please...don’t...ever...let...go!” Kairi said while holding Sora’s hand.

“Kairi...I...won’t...I...promise!” Sora said before both teenagers were separated by the darkness.

To Be Continued…


Next Time Episode 1: Destiny Islands
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Kamasutra Hearts