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Laugh	By : OokamiJudge Category: +A through F > Dragon Age (all) > Dragon Age (all) Views: 1332 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don’t own Dragon Age or any variation there of in the entirety, but I do own copies of them. So don’t bother to sue because I’m making nothing so I’ll have nothing fer you ta get….

Chapter List
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A/N: Ok so after my second go though DA2 it suddenly hit me and I couldn't help it. After stewing in my brain fer a couple days I now present the Crack!Fic that came from my F!Hawke/Anders game due to a certain Magister's opening line in the quest 'Alone'. Also yes SPOILERS FOR ALONE AND QUITE A FEW OTHER BITS TO DA2.
I couldn't help blinking at the rather ugly man several times the rest of his words going in one side and out the other. Was Danarius really serious? The Magister was surely joking when he asked that. The look on his face though said he wasn't and I couldn't help but to laugh. The grip on my staff tightened and I leaned on it more then I probably should be, but I just couldn't help it.
The silence that was quickly descending around me in the tavern was hard to miss, but I couldn't stop myself all the same. It really was just to funny! Had the man done no spying? Done no checking up on his 'slave'? Or the people Fenris ran around with? Honestly it was like he had no wits in his skull and maybe Fenris was right, or at least about the Magisters. If they were all like this one they should all be locked up and made tranquil before they hurt themselves or someone else.
That thought allowed me to sober some, remember the pain Danarius had caused Fenris and the hate I saw in the warrior's gaze anytime he was brave enough to meet mine. It was painful to see that look and to know it was caused by such a fool made the smile return.
I managed to lift my gaze enough to look at Fenris I could see that hate in his gaze and a wariness that I hated. I think that came from the manic laughing spell I had just had and what was probably a manic grin on my face. "Come on you can't say he isn't funny Fenris." I coaxed, but he was having none of it.
Seeing that I was getting no where I looked to my other side at Anders "Anders? Don't tell me you can't see it either?" I pouted at the healer unable to help it especially when he offered me a look that clearly said he thought I was more gone then him.
"Ok Varric, tell me you're with me on this one…" I tried for a third time glancing over my shoulder at the dwarf who had pulled out a notebook from I had no clue where and was scribbling.
Ok now I was really pouting as I turned my attention back to the Magister "I hate when I have to explain the jokes." I informed the other mage making sure he knew I was quite put out by such a thing.
"Lets start from the top so everyone can follow and Varric can get the story straight later ok? Ok." I nodded to myself grinning once more. "So it starts years ago when Fenris over here gets this dwarf guy to get him some people to distract some people that had come after him." I met Danarius's gaze "With me so far?" the man gave me a blank look in return but I nodded all the same "Ok good."
"So we, we in this case meaning myself, my brother, Varric, and Anders all head out and go be good little distractions. Well we didn't know we were distractions then but we did after we killed them all. Either way so we play out part then here come tall dark and broody over here round the corner and rips out some guards heart, actually that part was rather cool, but either way and says that he's the reason dwarf man picked us up and can we take out a few more people with him. Soooo off we went." I chuckled at that remembering how that conversation had gone.
"So we take out all the shades in that mansion of yours, but surprise surprise you're not there." I rolled my eyes knowing that in the years since I had learned it was just the normal for him and wishing I could go back and tell my former self. "So then mr broody over here gets all hissy at me for a bit of fire and ice and healer boy for a couple cure spells, wasn't a very pleasant conversation. Let me tell you. I'm still not sure why he didn't try to kill us actually. Guess it was because we had just killed the people after him." I shrugged at that not much caring about Fenris's reasons for well being Fenris it would be to hard to figure out if I tried and I knew it.
"So either way broody agrees to help us out some, but doesn't like that we keep helping mages. What can I say I don't want to be in the circle so how could I make them? I think he only stayed because he got to keep killing slavers and blood mages. Don't like blood magic." I nodded motioning to Anders "He's the only abomination we let stay around the rest of them can jump in a pit. Well no Fenris thinks he needs to jump in with the others, but that is one of the main points we disagree on."
I paused there looking around, but nope no one seemed to get where this story was going. I swear I was going to have to make Anders and Fenris play cards with Varric or something they just couldn't connect things to save their life. I sighed before continuing on wards.
"So then we're out of the city one day and some of you're thugs are dim enough to not only attack us head on, but give us warning even. Really not very smart of them, but I am going to guess that was your fault again. So we killed them and Fenris found out where your little She Demon was hiding and we headed off to stomp on her corpse. Fenris just ended up pulling out her heart instead, but that worked too and as an added bonus I even got to rescue one of your slaves. Such a sweet girl, still can't convince her to at least call me 'Hawke'."
I paused there turning my gaze on Fenris grinning once more "Oh don't suppose you have any suggestions do you? Would rather not go the 'make her hate everything about me route' though." When the former slave just stared at me like I had grown a second head or something I shrugged and returned my attention to Danarius.
"Where was I? Oh yes She Demon's crushed heart. So Fenris crushed her heart after promising not to, which I didn't approve of by the way, and then stormed off. All rather dramatic I must say." I nodded enthusiastically at my own assessment of the adventure.
"So for some reason broody stuck around a while longer, getting more pissed as we helped more mages. We ended up battling some Qunari and I killed their leader in this one on one battle thanks to broody knowing some about the Qun. I think he got me into that fight just to see if he could get someone else to kill me so he wouldn't have to well or so he could finally kill Anders. I swear I think broody hates healer boy more then he could ever hate me." I paused once more considering that concept before shrugging it off as unimportant just now.
"So I managed to survive the battle with big and way to muscled and go back home to be happy, at least I thought I did. Instead it turns into a bigger mess because of course the Knight-Commander can't abide me being the champion and broody thinks it is a good thing she is being harsher on my kind. Sad really not all of us are evil. Not even all blood mages are evil though that doesn't mean I will give up my quest to get Merrill to stop using it, making deals with demons over a mirror I swear foolish girl." I shook my head at that before sighing.
"So either way after saying all that can no one still see my amusement?" I glanced around the room "Guess not. Fine shall I spell it out then?" I questioned rhetorically.
"I am a mage. I help mages. Fenris hates mages. Fenris hates me. Fenris especially hates Anders. I protect Anders. Anders even lives with me." I glance again nope still nothing "Hello weren't you the one mentioned being jealous?" I asked looking directly at Danarius. "Oh fine apparently you just aren't going to get it. I'll try again later with the rest of you." I stated before tossing a fireball at Danarius.
A/N 2: Ok so you can take it how you want it. Hawke can be male or female I wrote from their PoV so it could work either way I left it open on purpose. I originally intended for this to be where Hawke was laughing because of a sexual implication in Danarius's words, but up to you if you want to take it that way or not. It is more just the concept of that line that started this so take it as you will... also yay fer my first Dragon Age fic...
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