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I'll Never Return...	By : Mina-chan95 Category: +S through Z > Togainu no Chi Views: 157 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This story was made for fun and definitely NOT for making profit or money out of it. Trust me, Mina only sees writing as a hobby and her passion. More important, I do NOT own Togainu no Chi.

Chapter List
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A/N (from 2023-11-27): Oh dear... and just when I thought it will be just a silly little one-shot entry for this month (yup, Mina took more than could swallow for the nth time)
But with all seriousness, this entire month was unproductive - -'' yup, writer-block decided to strike at the worst time. Either way, aside that, for month's entry I had a struggle between picking demon!Akira and priest!Shiki story, and the current one that just saw the daylight.
Although, after long consideration, I've picked the later. After all, I thought it might be a good chance to give a POV of an average citizen who lives under Commander Shiki's regime. And to make things spicier, I've picked an OC from Bitter Sweet story, who is just a student of humanitarian sciences as well that experienced the grain of what atrocities Shiki's men are capable of~
Yup, you can call this as little Shiro's debut ^^ But will he live long enough?
Well, how about we'll find it out?
Btw, fun fact, at first, I wanted to name this multi-chapter story with Avici as a part of title. After all, perhaps for an average person, the place where Shiro is sent, is like the closest thing to the deepest layers of hell, and Avici being known as the worst, deepest underground level of hell... Ooh boi. Although, after doing a deeper research about Avici and requirements who are sent to this infinite nightmare - well, let's just say, it's a hell for very special breed of sinners.
Or you can that someone just adore listening to Bell of Avici ~ Infinite Nightmare (yup, thanks to Koishi Komeji Heart Throbbing Adventure, I've discovered and fell and for this gem❤ and thus, just wanted to reflex the same tone and energy to this story as this OST and its remixes/arranges)
And thus, after reading Sirvis poems, this title become a current one. After all, in the end of this, Shiro won't return the same as before, and it will be nothing but memories of the fairy land that he painted in his mind (of course, if that makes sense)
Anyway,
As always,
Enjoy!~
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November's writing prompt: “Stricken with a curse”
Word count: 2835

Finally, with the sounds of a ringing bell, the last lecture is over. And thus, after picking up his textbooks, one silver-haired male with gray eyes in his twenties leaves the auditorium.
After walking in the corridor, he turns his head and gazes through the window. However, the sun’s reflection on the rustled tree leaves makes him gloomier.
After all, just when he managed to settle down in the new place for a while, the recent news struck like lightning from the clear sky and ruined his momentary happiness.
Apparently, Shiro’s days of reckless freedom are counted, and soon he’ll be placed in the meat grinder. That’s right, Shiro received a recruitment letter from the military a couple of days ago.
Of course, he didn’t tell about it to his mother because he perfectly understood that it might break her heart, and she wouldn’t let him perish on the battlefield like his late father.
Unfortunately, he knows well that he won’t be able to hide the needle in the bag for too long or ignore this cursed piece of paper that kills countless men. However, he doesn’t care about being taken by the force but is afraid of what these awful, unpredictable, corrupted officers may do to his mother if he doesn’t cooperate with them.
But for now, Shiro continues on his way, trying to forget that letter, focusing on group assignment tasks, and thinking about what place he should pick for incoming practice.

Some time has passed. As Shiro expected by this time, the streets are already crowded by the mass of constantly changing people, and he blends into the moving gray mass in no time.
Suddenly, he widens his eyes as someone from behind grabs his arm. At first, he shakes off the stranger’s hand without turning back.
Besides, maybe it’s just a random stranger wanting to mess around. At least, it’s not as uncomfortable as the passengers on the train either being too close to him.
Therefore, Shiro decides not to pay too much attention to such a petite thing and minds his business as usual.
Unfortunately, another stranger is bolder than the previous one and slips something small inside his uniform pants pocket.
Yet, the silver-haired male’s reaction is faster, and as he grasps the white-gloved hand, he turns back. “What do you think of doing?”
To his surprise, it’s a middle-aged man in a military uniform grinning at him like a hungry wolf.
As that man grips Shiro’s wrist, he addresses him. “Where do you think you’re going, you little thief?”
“Let... let me go!” The gray-eyed male resists. Yet, he gasps as another officer holds his other arm.
“Not only you’ve caught stealing, but you also have an audacity to disrespect the authority.” Another officer replies in a mocking tone.
While one of them puts the handcuffs behind his back, he adds. “You have a lot of guts, kid…”
Despite being the center of the crowds’ attention, Shiro struggles. “I didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Then, what’s this? How did end up in your pocket? Or are you telling us it jumped right into your pocket?” The middle-aged man asks as he pulls a tiny plastic bag filled with white powder and shows it in front of the poor student.
Shiro freezes in the same spot while his eyes follow the small object swigged. A few seconds later, he only closes his eyes and calmly explains. “You are the ones who slipped it in. So, please do not blame me for it.”
“Still playing innocent, eh? Perhaps staying in the prison cell will fix your rotten behavior.” The officer replies as both start dragging him.
In the end, the scared crowd distances themselves from a couple of officers taking away the young criminal while murmuring between themselves or rushing from the crime scene.
Meanwhile, Shiro is stubborn and indignantly addresses the people. “Help me! Let me go! How… How can anyone can be so blind and allow these bastards to do as they wish and commit crimes? You clearly have seen how they just taking an advance of their position and bullying average people! If we all unite, we can defeat these coward men and bring the justice!”
Yet, his speech is silenced by receiving a hit into his head by the sword handle.
“Hey, you better be careful with that! The commander may dislike him and we’ll get no reward if that brat is injured or dead.” The older man scolds his colleague.
After they approached their car and opened it, the other officer replied. “He’ll take him anyway and will even applaud us. Just look at him. He is the copy of that lousy secretary.”
When he picks an empty sack and rope, he orders. “Just make sure that he won’t try to escape.”
While his colleague holds Shiro tight, he puts the bag over him and wraps the surrounding rope.
“Where are you taking me?” The silver-haired male asks.
“Don’t worry, you’ll learn soon. So, you better behave yourself or else your parents may get very upset finding out that their dead son was a drug addict.” The older man explains as he tosses him like a sack of potatoes to the back seat.
Lastly, Shiro remains silent and feels anxious, without having any idea where he is taken or how these cruel men will torture him before his corpse is disposed of.
Some time passed. After the car stops, these men drag the restrained student and prompt him to go. However, very little he knows how drastically his cursed fate will change.

As time passes, Shiro becomes more uncomfortable and stiff by only walking in the never-ending corridors.
One thing is being treated like a criminal who gets closer to his execution. Another thing is the heavy, chilling, and unwelcoming atmosphere in the air and feeling watched by countless eyes that he cannot see.
Even on their way, Shiro becomes more concerned and pale after listening to how the older officer proudly explains to someone how they brought something that should interest the commander.
But for now, a couple of officers finally reach their destination place. Or so the silver-haired male assumes as he hears how one of these men knocks on the wooden door. “Commander, we brought him as you requested and you would love to see him.”
After a brief pause, the supreme ruler permits this couple to enter the office while dragging the sacrificial lamb.
Just from the menacing and cold energy surrounding this room, Shiro feels as if the ruthless tyrant’s eyes pierce his body. He can even swear that there is an invisible wire wrapped around him that cuts him if he makes a single move.
Perhaps this is how small animals feel being cornered and looked down on by the serpent. The gray-eyed male ponders.
“Show him to me. Or do you intend to waste my time?” Shiki briefly orders.
“R-right away, sir!” the older man agrees.
When the surrounding rope becomes loose and falls off, the bag is finally removed.
Suddenly, Shiro widens his eyes in terror and gasps upon seeing the military tyrant indifferently staring at him behind his desk. At that moment, the poor student trembles like a leaf and falls on his knees like a rag-doll. Fortunately, his weak body is supported by these men.
Meanwhile, Shiki stands up and approaches the offered creature, studying his every movement and facial expression.
After the red-eyed male stands in front of the unfortunate young man, he narrows his gaze.
For now, Shiro hisses in pain as one officer pulls his hair to lift his head and fixates his eyes on the supreme leader.
“How is it? Will he be enough for you, sir?” Another man asks impatiently.
Shiki only states. “His eyes are gray.”
“We can easily fix that! Please, just tell us what color you prefer and it will be done in no time. Whatever you wish for, we will adjust him in shape or form until you will be satisfied.” The other boasts.
Even if Shiro is speechless, his teary eyes speak louder than any words that beg for mercy.
In the end, the dark-haired male announces his final verdict. “There is no need. Leave him and you are dismissed.”
“B-but what about our reward for our hard work?” The older officer objects.
‘Tsk, what a bunch of greedy vermin…’ Shiki gives them a cold, disgusted look before picking a thick pile of bills from his uniform jacket and tossing it like food for the pigs, which eat anything like shameless animals.
As these men pick up the money, one of them bows and thanks before leaving the room. Lastly, Shiro is left alone to face the ruthless tyrant.
“Your name?” The supreme ruler addresses him. After receiving no answers, he adds. “Or do dogs like you don’t have it?”
Instead of saying anything, the silver-haired male only turns his head away and closes his eyes. Even if he accepts his bitter ending, he refuses to see it.
However, he immediately opens his gray eyes as the commander takes something from his pants pocket and fixates his eyes on him.
While Shiki studies the student ID card, he cracks a smile. “Heisei University? Isn’t it where you learn a bunch of useless nonsense?”
After he gracefully places the card on the desk, he continues his speech. “Well, whatever you’ve been taught here, you’ll be still a fine replacement.”
When Shiki walks behind his prey’s back, he picks his sword from the sheath. Lastly, he cuts the handcuffs.
At that moment, Shiro stares at the floor while leaning on his shaky hands.
A second later, the military tyrant orders. “Strip.”
For sure, it shocks the gray-eyed male, who only hugs himself. “No…”
Unfortunately, the poor student realizes he made a terrible mistake, and these red judging eyes will be the last thing he sees before he perishes.
Suddenly, he loudly gasps and closes his eyes as the naked blade slashes his uniform jacket and shirt.
Although, he still cannot comprehend how he is alive or even scratched as if the sword didn’t aim to cut through his flesh.
As soon as Shiro realizes that his back is exposed, he covers his chest with the remains of his clothing and murmurs. “Barbarian.”
As Shiki allows his sword to rest in the sheath, he gives a questioning look at the creature below him.
After he kneels in front of Shiro and grips his throat, he makes him face him. “Did you say anything? Speak louder.”
Without a second thought, the gray-eyed male shouts. “Barbarian!”
Meanwhile, Shiki only narrows his gaze after he grabs the student by his uniform and sends a harsh slap across his face. After removing the bothering clothing, he looks down on the fallen Shiro covering his stinging cheek. “You don’t understand against whom you raise your voice?”
When Shiro sits on one leg, he lowers his head and bites his lower lip. After a brief pause, he speaks up, nearly sobbing. “Why me? Why are you doing this? I did nothing wrong to deserve this!… First, these bastards framed me, then kidnapped me… And for what? Is human’s life worthless to you!? I hate this… I hate how it’s nothing more than a joke to you… So, kill me as anyone else who is nothing more than a pest for you… It’ll just prove that this country has fallen from the grace and rotten like a fish - starting from the head of it…”
The military tyrant only indifferently stares at the silver-haired male, who barely holds back from crying.
But for now, he reaches out for his unsheathed sword. When he is about to point the tip of it at Shiro’s cheek, the poor young man closes his eyes and shrugs while whimpering.
Who knew that someone similar to his personal secretary trembles like an aspen upon the smallest threat? On the other hand, maybe it’s for the better. After all, this stray animal learns quickly its place. More importantly, it might be interesting to see how his prized possession will react to this cheap imitation of him. Or so Shiki ponders.
When he narrows his gaze, he instructs him before taking his leave. “Wait here until I return.”
In the end, Shiro is left alone in the supreme ruler’s office while being eaten by uncertainty and anxiety.

A half-hour passes. However, the military tyrant hasn’t returned yet.
In the meantime, Shiro investigates his surroundings and realizes that he won’t escape this hell place in one piece.
Firstly, if he jumped through the window, he’d splatter his brain on the pavement.
Secondly, he may get shot or cut by the security guards. After all, the commander might be the unpredictable man who can think of anything to get what he wants.
Even if he stays here obediently, he may suffer like a war prisoner for speaking up his thoughts about this dictatorship and tyranny. On the other hand, he doesn’t understand why the commander hasn’t ordered to execute him or sent him to the labor camp as a dangerous person.
But for now, Shiro sits and leans his back against the leg of the desk while sinking deeper into despair.
Some time passed. Finally, the opening door and someone walking in makes the silver-haired male lift his head.
When Shiki approaches him, he tosses a pile of neatly folded clothes at him. “Wear this.”
After Shiro studies the given clothes, he notices it is some military uniform. Instead of asking unnecessary questions and not to anger the most powerful man in the country, he nods and answers in a gloomy voice. “Yes…”
Meanwhile, after Shiki sits behind his desk and crosses his legs, he places his elbows on the desk and rests his head on his hands.
At the moment, Shiro feels like he’ll burn from the embarrassment of being watched by how he undresses before changing his clothes.
It doesn’t help that the commander keeps the same poker face, making it difficult to read what is hiding behind these crimson eyes.
Despite that, the gray-eyed student doesn’t dare to ask Shiki to leave and endures such humiliation. On the other hand, it’s better than being forcibly undressed or threatened.
After Shiro handles the current task, he fixes his posture upon hearing the commander’s question. “Do you know why I asked you to wear this?”
“N-no, sir.” The gray-eyed male immediately replies.
“Starting today, you are my personal secretary.” Shiki announces.
“Then what about my studies?… Excuse me, but I cannot simply drop them.” The silver-haired male politely objects.
The supreme ruler gives a mocking look. “When you were supposed to be recruited in the army?”
After noticing how the secretary in front of him lowers his shoulders and widens his big, gray eyes as a scolded puppy, he cracks a smile. “After contacting the director of your university, I canceled them. Your mother was also informed about this as well. However, if you serve me well, I’ll fund your university.”
Yet, Shiro becomes pale and hangs his head as he sells his soul to the devil when he hears such a decision.
For sure, such an unexpected reaction entertains Shiki, and he asks. “What’s wrong? Anyone else would be ready to bite into each other’s throats just to be in your position. You’ll even support and honor your family.”
Meanwhile, Shiro understands that no matter how far he runs from the war and to avoid staining his hands with blood, he doesn’t escape his bitter fate. Yet, he is still curious whether he’ll be killed like Shiki’s previous secretary.
Therefore, he gathers all his courage and acts as formally as possible. “I’m… I’m sorry, sir. I just got overwhelmed a bit… and I won’t do it again. However, there is one thing that I need to ask, of course, if I can.”
After clenching his hands into fists, he asks. “If I’m not mistaken, you already had a secretary. Did anything happen to him?”
Unfortunately, he doesn’t realize that the commander can read him like an open, predictable book or that it is just a quick pass of time for him.
“He decided he needs to take a long vacation before he’ll be able to continue his duties.” Shiki calmly explains.
“I see…” the silver-haired secretary replies.
In the end, even if Shiro is aware this won’t end well, for now, he has to play along with his new role. Otherwise, his fears will come true.
After all, like any great leader, Commander Shiki is like a sun - for those who are far away from him will freeze to death, while those who are too close will burn. Therefore, one should aim for the perfect balance of staying around the middle.
Unfortunately, Shiro understands the harsh truth that his side was picked for him. And thus, he has to learn to live like constantly walking on eggshells for his own survival.
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I'll Never Return...