Incongruous

He should have headed out.

He should have taken Laura away.

He should maybe be 6 feet or leagues under.

But he is still here.

Laura is still waiting in the lobby.

And James is still in one of the hotel rooms.

His body over a too young woman.

If he let himself, if he was a bit worse than he is - and he genuinely thinks he might be, James would (be able to) imagine her to be Mary, just for a few seconds.

But Lori is… different, too different.

She is small, smaller than Mary, and although it could sort of help the image of softness his Mary used to have, before the sickness, Lori is anything but really soft.

She is shy and recoils into herself as if hiding, but she is so angry inside!

Her anger isn’t cold and fragile like Mary’s; it is all-consuming; twisting in her gut like a hot knife looking for a way out.

Like him, she is here for that. And for the guilt, for the murder… for the isolation that came first.

He thinks too much about a lot of things; about Mary, about her, about himself, but not about this.

It isn’t like he doesn’t care about it, or about her, even.

But both he and Lori know they are looking for comfort in the form of warmth, of flesh thrusting against flesh.

His lips mouth her soft skin, his hands grab and squeeze her warm flesh without thinking about who she is, or what he actually feels about her - not consciously, anyway.

As mentioned before, it isn’t even if he was fantasizing about Mary, exactly.

Actually, the thought of touching Mary now, even if she was somehow alive, makes his skin crawl; not out of disgust towards her, but towards himself.

It feels like a betrayal, like staining her, to even imagine himself reaching to her now.

James loves Mary, will always do, but…Not like this, not now, for as long as…this feeling continues.

Lori lets out small noises that make James shiver. It isn’t disgust, although there is something like that too, because they feel wrong, of course, they do feel wrong. How would it not feel wrong?!

He was married yesterday!

Maybe…the disgust comes from actually enjoying and taking satisfaction that he is stimulating another woman right.

Either way, James cannot keep on hearing it, but he can’t just close his hand over her mouth; that would be too much, too mean…He cannot be this bad, not now.

He comes closer, reaching for her face, and kisses her, swallowing her noises with his own mouth, one of his hands straying down under her shorts.

Lori had stumbled over Silent Hill on those tight things and a long white t-shirt. Her pale thighs shining against the dim light whenever he found her around.

He had always had to look away from her because of that; the “curiosity” was far too overwhelming.

James has always been too curious for his own good.

He probably wouldn’t have gotten himself into so much trouble in this town if it weren’t for that.

It wasn’t just curiosity, of course; curiosity alone doesn't lead to an overwhelming desire of keeping on staring.

His head is such a mess…

He chose to have sex, and he is enjoying it, but God, he wants to vomit, too…

Then:

“James, are you…? Do you want to stop?”

His head is hidden in the crook of her neck, his nose dangerously close to the dusty sheets. He can barely believe he hasn’t sneezed or coughed up his lungs yet.

He still, likely reflexively, brings his lips to her neck, brushing them against the soft skin. The three of his fingers between her folds twitch slightly.

James wants her to stop sounding so caring; he wants her to shut up…

But, instead, he sniffs her, tilting his chin up.

“No,” he says, and he sounds like he is being truthful, and he is…mostly.

He feels terrible. He feels sick and disgusting and mean… But he feels comfortable, somewhat.

James cannot really see the expression on her face, but he can imagine it; she’s confused and uncomfortable, well, make it two, James thinks.

She’s probably staring at the ceiling, thinking this all was a mistake, and she may be right.

Women are mostly the ones right in some way in James’ life. Even Maria was right, even Angela…

Some way.

Not that Angela actually knew what James’ deal was, exactly.

“James…”

James closes his eyes; he doesn’t want to hear it.

“That’s not gonna work like this…”
 
She’s pulling away, physically. Emotionally, they were already away.

It takes a little insistence for James to allow her to push him away.

He cannot, doesn’t want to look at himself right now.

After some time, he opens his eyes.

God, she does look beautiful like this…

There is a softness in her, a feminine shell to her, but the way she looks on her face, that look has nothing to do with how Mary used to look.

He should think of Laura and care for her, but he doesn’t - he feels his conscience screaming at him for it, but that doesn’t mean he will follow it…just yet, anyway.

His eyes are unfocused as he stares at nothing, thinking too much as he always does.

A few moments later, Lori moves, too.

James looks at her again, his lips parted, his shirt halfway open, the flush over his neck, like a burning mark.

“We-we should go…” she says quietly, recoiling her legs, her voice quiet, small; her eyes lost, her sadness…

“No!” He lets out sharper than he would like - but exactly as sharp as intimately intended.

Lori looks up at him, doubtful.

She shakes her head, her lips pressing as if she was about to say something, but he interrupts her again before she can let anything out.

“No, please, let’s…” James says quieter this time around, leaning slightly over her.

He isn’t sure of anything anymore. His life was turned apart since he got here, hell, ever since Mary got sick. Without her, James barely wants to stay alive, for himself anyway.

Laura was one of the few things that made him want to…Made him feel like he needed to be alive…for her.

But, right now, he only wants to feel Lori’s warmth a little more, to feel her touch just…just a little more.

He leans on her and kisses her cheek, she trembles a little under him, her hands on his waist as soon as he made contact.

Lori has always been shy, but could act tough when needed - that fiery anger coming in handy to boost her fight instincts. However, James has come to notice she’s also extremely sensitive (to the touch). Maybe as touch-starved as he is, most probably.

It does…something to him.

James kisses down her neck, and she gasps quietly.

It’s easier to ignore it now; he doesn’t know why. It almost feels good. 

He raises her t-shirt without looking, pushing it up with his wrists as his hands stroke up the hot skin of her belly below.

His fingers don’t find the elastic of a bra as he was expecting, though.

Frowning, he looks down, and his lips twitch and his cock throbs at seeing her bare breasts. Of course, she doesn’t wear a bra. 

James groans at the sight.

James had seen one of her nipples through the shirt before, or better saying, he thought he had imagined it, but some bras…still let the nipple out, don’t they?

He huffs before capturing one nipple into his mouth, lapping at it before suckling softly.

Mary used to be too sensitive in it, so he never dared to suck as much as he would like to, so he automatically does the same with Lori. He really doesn’t want to force it too hard on her…just yet, anyway.

He can feel her quiver under him, her hands holding to dear life on his waist.

He goes for the other nipple as his already wet hand goes back to her pussy. His touch more insistent this time.

A dark thought passes through his mind, his lips suck harder at her nipple as if it could override the thought, and it sort of does as she yelps.

“James…!” Her dull nails finding their way under his jacket.

His eyes shift to hers for a moment, feeling blood coiling over his cheeks. 

Any other time, he would have apologized, but he can’t bring himself to do so right now.

He actually smirks to himself as he sits over his heels and keeps on sucking on one of her breasts, the other free hand, that he was using to support himself on the bed, cups her other breast.

Lori’s hands slide up to his skull, pulling at the hair in the scalp, and James groans with pleasure. Maybe…

He raises up and takes his jacket off before opening his belt.

James can feel her feverish stare at his hands, and his lips curl in a smug smirk despite himself.

He unfastens the belt, unbuttons the pants, and unzips them, unceremoniously pushing his pants and his boxers down, not without taking a look at her face before finishing.

Lori swallows before raising her eyes, feeling obviously caught; she tries looking away for a moment.

He grins.

He feels possessed. Like nothing matters but to feel this pleasure, to take this woman apart.

James roughly pulls at her shorts.

“James?” She asks, a little reticent.

“Do you want it?” James answers, almost feral, like he doesn’t want to discuss - or she desires him this way, or he will…deal with it by himself.

Lori swallows hard again. 

His fingers go back to her wet pussy once again, as if to prove a point; two fingers drag up her drenched pussy, making her suck a breath and shudder all over, visibly, and smirking just a little, he slides a stripe of it over her belly.

There are no arguments there, are there?

With knowing, smiling eyes, he leans and licks the line, still holding her shifting gaze.

Oh, that’s it, the look of trembling longing…

The nausea went away so fast, James thinks for a moment before Lori tugs him for a kiss, and he lets her.

His kiss is biting now, devouring, eating away like a parasite, and maybe he is just like that right now.

He moves his dick to her entrance, spreading her legs with his body and his hands over the back of her soft thighs.

“Breathe now,” he says, a soft and yet unmistakable command before pushing inside.

She trembles, and her mouth keeps open. He licks at it before having to control himself to not just shove and come in a second or two.

Slowly, despite how selfish and mean he feels at the moment, he bottoms out into her.

“So…warm…” He breathes out, damning himself for remembering Maria’s voice. Then he closes his eyes before looking down at Lori, trying to drive Maria to his subconscious and leave her there where she belonged.

Then he asks, eyes closed:

“Can I move, sweetheart?”

He can’t bring himself to call her by name. It all still feels like cheating, and he doesn’t feel that good about having another sin over the others.

She swallows hard but nods anyway.

He smiles and thinks, “good,” before pulling and then thrusting inside, shallow ones at first, trying to get used to the sensation.

James and Mary…they were active…until the diseases, of course. After, he was always wanting but not having anything because it would be too…bad of him to want this from Mary or anyone else. So he just…never did anything. No matter how hard he was, or for what reason, he didn’t even jerk off to the thought of Mary. It all felt too wrong, too decadent, too evil, and disgusting.

Now he’s not too different from a virgin, trying to control himself not to explode in the first minute.

(...Don’t think of her…!)

Lori gasps, and this time…

James doesn’t hate it. He feels guilty, a little guilty, but he’s mostly savoring it now.

“Yeah?” he groans, tugging her legs over his shoulders, “is it…is it good?”

There is even insecurity in it, but it is…so subtle, James thinks it’s strange that not even he hears it in his words.

She nods, gasping, holding her breath at times.

Suddenly, James feels a deep necessity of hearing her tell him this, so he pounds a little harder, sucking a breath before saying through his teeth:

“Say it.”

There is a hard edge to it, but not so sharp that it would feel too intimidating.

She closes her eyes.

“It is, James…it is…”

James slid his hands to her breasts, squeezing them a little before going from her shoulders to her face.

“Not good enough. Say it…Nnnngh…” Now it’s James's time to stop, clenching his teeth as he had thrusted harder with…anger? Insecurity? “As…as it is, honey….please.”

They were both too shy when they had met each other, and it didn’t change much…did it? But he needs to hear her say, he needs the affirmation.

Lori opens her eyes, her hands on his hips, pulling at it, obviously wanting him closer, deeper.

“O-ok, James, it feels…” Her breath catches in her throat before she nods again, frantically, “It feels…it feels amazing…Please, don’t…don’t stop.”

James sighs with relief and triumph before leaning and kissing her, almost too sweetly for a man who wasn’t affectionate…until then.

“That’s…that’s it, baby,” he murmurs, eyes closed as his hands latched around her neck, thrusting harder and faster each time.

Lori is panting out loud now, moaning almost quietly.

He doesn’t mind, not now, not really. It even feels good.

His mind is still pretty much a mess, but it is fogged by a lust so well fed that he can't bring himself to care about anything else.

James leans on her neck, sucking so hard at it that he knows there will be a mark. He could feel ashamed, guilty…James knows those feelings are lurking on the back of his head, but they feel pleasant distant, an afterthought, like seeing a not-so-good-looking stranger in the street before seeing so many other people you don’t remember the first.

“Fuck, James!”

She didn’t like it. James smiles guiltily and yet proudly against her neck. 

“Just…a little bit of pressure…” he says against her skin before pounding into her so hard and deep she wouldn’t be able to think anymore, not about this or any other mark he may do to her.

The bed is creaking and hitting the wall.

It feels both unnerving and glorious; obscene and a proof of the intensity of it all.

“James, Ja-James…” Her hands are latching so hard on his back, he is sure she is close, so he does what he always does - James presses down harder, rubbing at her as hard as he can with his pelvis.

He could stall this more, of course, and he really doesn’t want to go back to his life, to have to solve that damn thing, but James really wants to chase his peak as much as she does, and he is close, so close, James doesn’t want anything now but to get there.

Then James pulls away, aiming to finish this now.

He pushes her legs further close to her as he pounds intensely down her core.

Her eyes meeting his mid thrust, and although James normally hid in the crook of Mary’s neck in most of their peaks, he doesn’t now, and he loses it as soon as he catches her wanton expression.

James closes his eyes, his hands tighten so hard around her thighs he knows he may bruise them…at least a little. It should feel bad, but he surely doesn’t feel bad now with the thought of marking her as his, somehow.

She obviously isn’t his, and he isn’t hers, but goddamn it, it feels amazing to believe otherwise at least while his orgasm lasted.

But not all is fun and games, right? His neediness, his tendency to repress, to hide, to not be seen showing up at the most inconvenient of times…

“Just, ju-just, kiss me…” James breathes out, pleadingly even, holding her face as they run their orgasms together.

She obliges after a few unruly moans, pressing her lips as hard around his as he did before around hers.

He leans his whole body down then, kissing her, swallowing those beautiful moans inside himself.

“It feels…” 

Don’t think, don’t think, don’t think.

“So, so good…!” he lets out against her lips, as if he couldn’t hold everything inside anymore, needing something to come out.

Her pussy clenches like crazy around him, and it just drains the cum out of him naturally. He spills into her thoughtlessly, without caring a single bit, actually feeling it like a conquest.

James swallows down his moans, though. He is scared of calling Mary’s name or Lori’s or saying things he shouldn’t; good and bad things, depending on the viewpoint.

It all ends with him thrusting a few more times before he collapses over her as he’s spent himself completely.

He can hear their hard breathing mingling together, and although the guilt and the shame are back, judging those sounds, James cannot really make himself to address them; he just groans before coughing against the pillow.

“James?” Lori lets out, concerned, pushing James to a sitting position.

James coughs a little more before he sits over his heels.

“Are you alright now?” 

James shakes his head, “Yeah, I’m-” he takes a deep breath, coughing a little more, “fine.”

They both know that’s not true, not really.

She stares at him as he avoids her stare.

God, he’s so tired, and all that guilt… At least, he almost feels light.

After a few moments, James looks at Lori:

“You should go home, sweetheart,” he says, frowning slightly. He can be considerate, too, sometimes, and worry about others. James asks, caressing her over the hipbone, his thumb stroking the thin skin before catching himself and recoiling/retreating from her, “do you need a ride somewhere?”

Then he remembers his wife is in the backseat. He closes his eyes harder than before. How is he gonna solve that?!

He sighs, ready to create a lie, but she stops him.

“You know, James, we should…” she looks away, “probably part ways right now, right?”

James would love to say something against that, his conscience and something far more pathetic probably waking up after…all that, but he nods.

“Maybe…maybe you’re right,” he sighs, looking a little hurt at her before glancing away, sitting on his haunches.

She can feel her concerned gaze again; this time, he doesn’t hate it, but he still doesn’t feel worthy of it, either.

Slowly, they put their clothes back on, without looking at each other. Ok, he steals some glances at her a few times, but not really looking long enough.

Before she goes, Lori turns to him, hesitantly at first, but then she moves in one go, as if trying to fight her own instincts.

She pulls him to a kiss and kisses him; a soft, something like an affectionate kiss, before looking at his startled face with a compassionate expression. A few beats and she is out of the door:

“Goodbye, James…”

It’s the last thing he hears from her.

He swallows hard, trying not to touch his lips.

Maybe…

If he could…

No!

James shakes his head, waiting for her to move as far away as possible before moving himself, waiting for her steps to recede to the point he wouldn't be able to hear them anymore.

She was…Lori was…

She was sweet, but James cannot have it now, maybe not ever again. Any of that.

Mary is still in the backseat of his car. He needs to take care of her, even if just this little more.

James loves her with all his heart, despite all that had transpired between them. He needs to…commit to her this much more before thinking of anything else.

He climbs down the stairs after (trying to) washing his hands. 

The smell of her. Of his sin. It sticks to his hand like a mocking, accusatory brand. 

A muscle in James’s jaw twitches with frustration as he washes his hands for the third time. 

The soap isn’t working…!

The nausea is back… James forces himself to swallow hard before throwing water over his face, his hands coming to support himself on the sink, his body trembling with the cold of it. But he feels less nauseous, somehow.

It is a wonder this place still has clean water; it probably coming from the lake or something like that.

James doesn’t wait to ruminate more about it. Or anything else, he just … goes.

He goes back to Laura, and they go… away, to wherever isn’t Silent Hill.

James promises himself he will come back for Mary to the parking lot. But not now, not with Laura beside him.

They both had suffered enough; he won’t force it on the little girl (or on himself). She is the brattiest kid he’s ever known, but still a kid and probably Mary’s only friend in the end.

He sighs as he ignores the car.