Sugi Home Adventures

BY : Boo-Sama
Category: -Misc Video Games/RPGs > AU - Alternate Universe
Dragon prints: 104
Disclaimer: Suguri, and by extension, 100% Orange Juice, is owned by Orange_Juice and Fruitbat Factory. I do not own any of the characters in this story. This story is written purely for entertainment purposes, and I make no profit from it.

“How does it look, doctor?” Hime asked, looking down at a weary, sick Suguri. NoName shuffled some papers in his hands against Suguri’s stomach to straighten them out, and began to give his diagnosis.

 

“Shorty’s sickness is just a chemical imbalance caused by a distinct excess of energy usage. Before I explain, just so I know I’m right, has Suguri done anything too…. Well…. Overexerting?” Hime put a finger on her chin, thinking back to what may have potentially caused Suguri to overexert herself to the point of whatever caused this…

 

*FLASHBACK*

 

“OOOOOOOOOOOOH!” Hime gasped, falling to the ground overdramatically, the back of her hand on her forehead to show herself feeling faint as she went down. The person who did this to her stood over her, laughing.

 

HA HA HA HA HA! Sorry, Hime, but not even you can defeat me at my game.” She said, taking demonic pleasure in Hime’s defeat. Upon sensing Hime’s despair, Suguri dashed into the room at light speed, rainbow circles being made behind her as a bi-product.

 

“What’s going on here?” Suguri asked, eyes suddenly darting down to Hime. “No.” Suguri knelt down and took the worn, defeated Hime into her arms. “Hime… Who did this to you?” She asked, light tears leaving Suguri’s eyes. Hime put a weak hand onto Suguri’s chest.

 

“It was….. It was….”

 

“HA HA HA HA HA!” The villain proclaimed once again. Suguri’s eye darted straight to her.

 

“What did you do?” Suguri asked, hatred within her eyes.

 

“Me? I did nothing, Suguri. Hime simply thought she could defeat me, I accepted her challenge, and she paid the price. No more, no less.”

 

“.... You do know that, to avenge her, I must destroy you, correct?” Suguri responded. Hime looked back at Suguri in fear.

 

“No, Suguri! You cannot! She is unbeatable!!!!”

 

“Enough, pet.” The villain teased, silencing Hime. “If Suguri wishes to throw her life out here and now, let her, you lost your right to any form of choice the moment I defeated you.” The villain’s eyes then went back to Suguri. “Is this truly what you want?”

 

“Yes.” Suguri instantly replied, eyes filled with determination.

 

“Then we shall battle to the death.” The villain walked over to her laptop, and brought up her desired song list. “Undertale Mix, modded, best of three.” Suguri gently put Hime down on a nearby chair, and nodded to the terms, walking to the DDR pad next to the villain.

 

“I will defeat you, Kae, and I will bring back Hime’s title of ultimate dancing champion this day.” Kae the villain gave back a smug look.

 

“We’ll see, Suguri. We’ll see.”

 

***

 

“They danced for three days straight due to a stalemate with no breaks, not even for food or water. Eventually Kae overheated and passed out, allowing Suguri to finally win. However, she then collapsed, and then she was like this.” Hime finished, NoName’s face in complete awe.

 

“... Yeah… That’ll do it.” NoName took a deep breath. “And Kae is fine?”

 

“Perfectly so, some liquid nitrate and a quick power nap and she was back on her feet like nothing ever happened.”

 

“I see.” NoName moved his neck around, getting out a few mechanical kinks, and began to explain what was happening to Suguri. “First thing’s first, shorty is going to be fine with a day or two of rest. Her augments have made her far more energized, durable, yadda yadda, she’s more resistant to stuff like this. However, by doing something, such as, say, dancing to Megalovania 76 times in perfect rhythm, could easily lead to her artificial energy reserves ACTUALLY depleting, which leads to some other things relient on that to fail, which can lead to total body failure. However, shorty here has plenty of backup systems implemented in case that were to happen, meaning this would be death sentence is no more than a small hurdle she’ll have to cross.” NoName looked back at Hime, whose eyes were filled with absolute terror. NoName sighed and restated it in a way robots such as Hime and himself could more easily understand. “3 days of dancing = being tired = 2 days of required sleep + food + water through a tube = going to be fine.”

 

“Oh thank goodness.” Hime replied, letting out her held breath. “So what should I do in the meantime, doctor?”

 

“..... Huh?”

 

“Well, me and Suguri usually go out to do all of our daily whatnots together, so if she needs a 2 day nap, what will I do without her?”

 

“.... Bitch, I don’t fucking know. Spend time with your hot anime harem of girls you call a family or some-”

 

“That sounds like a wonderful idea! Thank you doctor!” Hime then got up, grabbed her purse, and did a little bow.

 

“.......... You….. You’re welcome?” NoName replied. Hime then gracefully turned and left the room with a smile upon her face. NoName simply scratched the back of his head in slight confusion… Well, I guess that worked…?

 

So NoName was now alone in his office/hospital room/heal ray place…… With this 20,000 something year old girl…. With completely exposed knees….. He made a move to lay his head on Suguri’s knees, however, Hime re-entered the his office the moment he made the slightest move for them, breaking the door of it’s hinges in the process.

 

“..... I’m just…. Examining.” NoName said, shaking slightly as Hime’s eyes glowed a violent red as she stared at him.

 

“Good, ‘cause I’ll know if you do anything, Understood?” NoName then violently shook his head in understanding. “Good.” Hime then picked the door back up, slammed it back into place, and officially left… If NoName had the bodily functions to shit right now, he would have done so with flying brown colors.

 

***

 

After death threatening a fellow robot and a small flight, Hime arrived at her own home, well, Suguri’s home, but it was big enough for Hime, Saki, Nanako, Kae, and Kyoko to stay in after the war, so it was as much her house at this point as Suguri’s, least according to Suguri herself. Hime would never in a million years take Suguri’s house for her own, that would be rude, especially after how nice she’s been over the past few years to Hime, and all the other people who tried to kill her, all whom she now calls family… Jesus, Suguri may be a bit nicer than Hime had first through if she put up with all that and still lets them live in her house. Hime decided not to think about that and just get into her... Suguri’s… Whatever, she got in the fucking house.

 

Inside of the house, Kae was loafing on the sofa, playing C.O.D multiplayer, Nanako and Saki were in the kitchen doing something Hime could not see at the moment, and Kyoko was most likely in the basement doing her own thing, as she typically does.

 

“Yo.” Kae greeted Hime, staying focused on her game.

 

“Well, thank you Kae! And “Yo”, right back at you!” Hime responded to Kae’s greeting, winking and doing a weird finger gun motion towards her to let Kae know she was hip with the crowd Kae was a part of… This whole interaction made Kae cringe a bit at Hime’s lack of understanding of the term, or generally any form of human interaction.

 

“Hey Hime!” Kai responded over the T.V, hearing Hime’s voice.

 

“SQUAAAAAK!!!” Also said Flappers from over the T.V, a seagull both Kae and Kai thought was cool enough to hang out with them.

 

“Well hello Kai and Flappers, are you two doing well? I hope the T.V isn’t too cramped for you.” Kai took a moment to think of a proper response that wouldn’t be insulting to Hime’s intelligence.

 

“Um…. I’m fine, Hime, don’t worry about it.”

 

“*SQUAAAAAAAAAAAAK!!!*” Flappers screamed as he shanked Kai while he was distracted, Kae laughing hysterically while watching from a distance.

 

“GOD DAMNIT FLAPPERS YOU PIECE OF SHIT, I WAS- GOOOOOOOOOOD FUCKING- SHIT!!!!” Kai screamed in agony as Flappers teabagged his corpse. Hime questioned if such violent and sexual acts upon others could truly be considered mere friendly gestures, but Kae seemed to like it, so it was most likely fine.

 

“MOOOOOM!!!” Saki yelled, sprinting from the kitchen to hug Hime. At the speed she was going, this tackle could have been potentially fatal. However, Hime, being a robot, was unphased by the crippling strength Saki exerted upon her. “Look! Look what Nana showed me to do, mom!” Saki then tried to pull out the thing she made, only to pull out a completely crushed piece of yellow paper.

 

“Oh! You made a crushed piece of folded paper! That’s very good, Saki!” Hime praised… There was no irony behind this, this was just Hime being Hime.

 

“Oh… Oh no, that wasn’t it. Th-this was an origami, but…” Saki sniffled a bit, her child being slaughtered by her own hands. Hime attempted to think of a proper response, however, her charisma was only at, like, 2, so her odds of actually saying something that would make Saki feel better were minimal at best. She um’d and ah’d a few times as she thought of a response. Thankfully, Nanako thankfully bailed her out before she could make a bigger ass of herself.

 

“She made, like, 20 others, by the way, if you wanna see her work… Also hi Hime.” She said, peeking her head out of the kitchen.

 

“Oh hello there Nanako! Saki, would you like to show me your other origamis?” Hime offered. Saki rubbered her yellow jacket sleeve across her face to wipe off the small amount of tears and snot that dribbled out.

 

“O-okay.” The two then walked into the kitchen. On the dining room table laid at least a total of 50 yellow and purple origami animals of varying quality. The purple ones showed a large variety of animals and designs while the yellow ones were… Well, they were literally all just rabbits. Most of them sucked, but there were a few origami rabbits that did have a surprising amount of quality behind them.

 

“Wow, Saki! Did you make all these?” Hime asked her. Nanako almost corrected her, but decided not to, seeing how sad Saki was over the death of one of her children.

 

“I made the yellow ones.” Saki replied, still a little sad. Hime walked closer to one of the yellow paper rabbits, and picked it up gently in her hands.

 

“You made this?” She asked again, turning around so Saki could see her own work.

 

“Y-yeah *sniffle*.”

 

“She’s beautiful, Saki.” Saki finally began smiling a little bit, eyes still a little teary, but cheering up.

 

“T-thank you.” In an attempt to cheer her up further, Hime boinked the nose of the paper rabbit against her nose.

 

“Boop.” Hime squeaked as she did the previous. Saki giggled a little bit. “Boop! Boop!” Hime did it twice more, being extremely careful not to dent the rabbit, or get snot on it. Eventually, Saki began to outright laugh, tears now leaving her face from joy rather than sadness. Hime’s mission was successful, however, once Hime’s amusing assault had ceased, Saki remembered she was holding the crushed origami that once held the hopes and dreams of her paper baby, and she once again got sad.

 

“Mission Failed, we’ll get em next time!” Came from the T.V Kae was playing on, followed by Kae cursing several times, along side several squaks from Flappers.

 

“Don’t worry Hime, I got this.” Nanako said, pushing Hime lightly out of the way so she could talk to Saki. “Hey Saki, can I see that for a second?” she asked, pointing to the dead paper rabbit.

 

“Are… Are you gonna fix him?” Saki asked sadly.

 

“Of course, Saki, hand her here.” Saki placed the crushed rabbit into Nanako’s hands. She took a long, concentrated look at it, and said “HOLY SHIT, SAKI, WHAT’S THAT!?!?” Nanako abruptly yelled, pointing behind Saki.

 

“WHAT? WHERE!?” Saki looked at where she was pointing. While distracted, Nanako tossed the rabbit into the trash.

 

“Oh nothing- Hey Saki! Want some ice cream?”

 

“ICE CREAM!?!?”

 

“Ice cream! :D”

 

“YES PLEASE!!!” Nanako then walked over to the freezer, and got out a pint of chocolate ice cream, followed by underhand tossing it to Saki. Saki caught the ice cream. “YAAAAAY! Thank you Nanako!”

 

“You’re welcome, Saki.” Saki then grabbed a spoon and happily trotted out of the room, completely forgetting the rabbit ever existed. Nanako glanced over at Hime, whose face was simply filled with that of utter astoundment.

 

“H-h-how did you do that?” Hime asked, jaw agape in amazement.

 

“Sometimes, the best solution to a problem is to just play to your audience.” Nanako replied, wandering back over to the origami table to start putting away the salvageable paper animals.

 

“But I booped her on the nose! Saki loves it when you boop her on the nose!”

 

“See, that did work, but the problem is Saki’s also really emotional. The second she remembers anything sad, she’s bummed until she has something more present and permanent to look at.”

 

“... Gosh.” Hime sighed, becoming a bit bummed herself. “Sometimes I wonder who the mother figure in this family really is.”

 

“Oh please Hime.” Nanako chuckled, enjoying the slight ego boost that came from her words. “I’m just the charismatic big sister. I don’t know shit about actual compassion. That’s your job.” Hime smiled a bit at Nanako’s words.

 

“Thank you, Nanako.”

 

“Anytime, mom.” Hime let out a small chuckle of satisfaction upon hearing that, and left the kitchen. As she did, Nanako once again got back to cleaning up the origami. The one’s worth saving were put into tupperware while the rest were sacrificed to the great recycling can of justice. As far as Saki will know, the ones who didn’t make the cut were going to live at a paper animal farm somewhere from now on.

 

Once Hime left the kitchen, she stood in place for a bit, trying to remember what she was going to do once she got home. The sudden liveliness of her wonderful family had completely gotten her off track… Oh yeah! Family time!

 

“Nanako! I must gather the household for a family meeting! Could you get Saki and Kae rounded up while I get Kyoko?.. Where is Kyoko anyways?” Hime asked, looking around to see if she could spot her.

 

“Basement.” Nanako quickly replied, still picking up the origami. Hime then smacked herself lightly on the back of the head.

 

“Oh of course! Thank you Nanako!”

 

“No prob, bob.”

 

“... Oh Nanako, not to be rude, but my name isn’t Bob, it’s Hime.”

 

“... Nevermind, just… I got this.” Nanako went back to her duty while Hime, a little confused from Nanako’s last statement, headed towards the household’s basement.

 

***

 

To begin the last part of the multi-month long prep phase for her personal project, Kyoko took out a small rubber ball, no larger than a 20 sided die. This would act as the catalyst for what she was about to sculpt. She would make a ball out of crystal herself to save the time and few cents it costed to buy the ball, but past experiments showed that, during the manipulation process, that kind of ball would shift with the crystals as she worked. It was far more efficient to have a completely smooth catalyst that was not made of the same material she was working with, as childish as the object may be.

 

To begin, she sprayed some liquid crystal from her fingertips onto the ball, and hardened it, casing the ball in crystal. Using her ability to manipulate the ice-like-crystals she creates, she proceeded to smooth out the crystal around the ball until the crystal around the ball perfectly matched the surface of the ball. To ensure it was perfectly smooth, she placed the ball onto the workbench in front of her, and rolled it across from one hand to the other. No shifts in direction, no stops, nothing. It was ready.

 

Without wasting anymore time, she picked the ball back up, and began to add to it. She put the very top and bottom of the ball between her right index finger and thumb, and proceeded to move her fingers outward while adding crystal at the same time. The process, in turn, caused two large crystal spikes to form at the top and bottom of the ball. Once she felt the length was appropriate, she took the ball into her left hand, and severed the connection between her fingers and it. She then did the same in her left hand, extending two more spikes from the ball. She repeated the process several times till the ball had a spike on every side of it, somewhat similar to that of a jack. She then proceeded to make crystal arcs between the spikes as to make it almost gyro like, which was the idea.

 

With the construction of the crystal gyro done, it was now time to get to the point. Kyoko knew if she really wanted to, she could make this thing fly herself due to her personal control of such a material. However, what she was aiming for was to make something that could make something like this fly WITHOUT her personal input so that potentially others could manipulate such a substance as well. What could be done with something like this, at the moment, was beyond her. However, with these crystal’s ability to reflect and amplify energy sources of seemingly any kind depending on how they were sculpted, there had to be something useful it could do for the outside world. However, none of that research would be any good if she was the only being on the planet who could use it, which leads us back to now.

 

After months of work, she had constructed a device that could, if made properly, make the crystal gyro levitate without any form of personal influence from Kyoko. This is the reason why she took such a risky route crafting the gyro, to ensure absolutely no outside energys from Kyoko influenced it. If she could make this crystal fly with something that had nothing to do with herself, that would prove that, at the very least, things that aren’t Kyoko can manipulate these crystals, which would open all forms of doors for research! Spite the exciting concept, Kyoko kept a cool head. No mistake can be made, or it’s back to the drawing board. Even if everything goes right, the machine might not even work the way it should, which could spell disaster for this entire project. Kyoko didn’t let the thought disturb her, however. To simply sit on this out of fear was silly. It either did or didn’t work, and if it failed, she’d simply write down why, and work on another prototype.

 

Without further delay, Kyoko manually placed the gyro into a small glass cylinder, closing the hatch behind it once it was place. She also got a camera rolling to record the experiment in case something shockingly visual happened that she couldn’t see. Once setup was done, she started turning on the machine. The machine itself was no larger than that of a microwave with several wires and tubes connecting to the aforementioned glass cylinder to transport the energy and forces evenly into it. Once it had properly warmed up, Kyoko placed her hand on a lever on the side of it, and very slowly, very carefully began to pull on it. The more she pulled, the more energy would be added to the cylinder. She had to slowly pull it until the desired effect occ-

 

“Kyoko! Are you down here? I want to call a family-”

 

“NOT NOW!!!” Kyoko screamed at Hime who had just bursted into Kyoko’s fortress of solitude. Spite this, Kyoko tried to keep her focus on the pressure she was putting on the lever. So far, nothing, but-

 

“That is simply not an option! Everyone must be-”

 

“JUST A FEW MINUTES, PLEASE.” She had to keep her focus. Spite the interruptions, nothing drastic has happened yet. She added a bit more-

 

“Oh, whatever is that, Kyoko? It looks love-”

 

“OHMYGODPLEASE!!!” She tried to keep as much calm as she could, keeping a sharp eye on the gyro. There was, what she thought was a slight wiggle. Her eyes widened a bit. Was it her shaking or the machine? She couldn’t tell. She added a bit more-

 

“Kyoko, please! You mu-”
 

“I SAID NOT RIGHT NOW!!!!!!” In a sudden jolt of anger, she pressed the lever to the highest setting on accident. Not being able to give such a large input instantly, the machine made a loud internal “POP”, and turned off. It was officially broken.

 

Kyoko’s jaw slowly dropped, realizing that months of work making this thing had just went down the shitter. She moved the lever back to a lower setting, and desperately tried to get it to start up again. She tried flicking the on button, adjusting settings, even hitting it a few times. Nothing worked. It was fucking dead. After a few seconds, Kyoko’s eyes turned to Hime, burning hatred in the form of a sinister blue glow radiating from them. Hime merely looked back with a poker face, and responded...

 

“Well…. Um…. Apologies, I didn’t….. I’ll be upstairs waiting for you.” Hime then scurried back upstairs, getting away safely. Alone with her dead machine, Kyoko sat down for a second, completely in disbelief that just happened… She let out a somber cry, followed by firing off several crystal spears at the side of the room, letting them shatter into dust, followed by apperating back into thin air. She needed to break something… Or at least hear the noise of it.

 

***

 

After getting over all her hard work being ruined (for the moment), Kyoko finally got around to heading upstairs, and meeting everyone else in the living room for the family meeting. Hime, or someone else, had organized several wooden chairs in a circle, well actually, there were only 4 chairs since Suguri was out and Hime, like in all her speeches, stood in the center of the chairs, so it was more of a cross/square than a circle. Each chair had a piece of paper with a name of who’s chair it was sharpied on it, and from the handwriting and spelling, it was obvious Saki made them, most likely to make her feel important. Kyoko took her seat in the westmost chair, Nanako sat to the north, Saki to the east, and Kae to the south cause she thought the south was funny… This is a butt joke, not what you’re most likely thinking of, I promise.

 

“This better be important.” Kyoko spat, intentionally adding on some sass. This, of course, went over Hime’s head. Not the head of Nanako, however, who gave her a bit of a look in response.

 

“Oh it is important, Kyoko! See, while Suguri is in the emergency room of-”

 

“SUGURI IS DYING!?!?” Saki squealed in fear.

 

“Oh no, Saki! That’s just what doctors call the emergency to make their job seem more important. Suguri is going to be fine! She just needs rest for 2 days straight while eating food from a tube.” Hime responded. Saki let out a massive *PHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW* after hearing the news.

 

“Wait, isn’t her doctor the same guy who tried to rape all of us during holy night, beat the shit out of Suguri with a giant robot, and afterwards, we decapitated him and stuffed his head into a plant pot?” Kae asked, raising her hand as she talked.

 

“Yes!” Hime responded.

 

“... Aren’t you, like, worried he might-”

 

“Certainly not, Kae! NoName is a fully rehabilitated man, and a well respected leader of OJHQ. Besides, I already threatened to remove his genitals with a rusty cheese grater if he so much as touched Suguri, so she’ll be fine!” Everyone suddenly looked at Hime with a mild disturbance, except Saki, who was confused by the term genitals. “However, Suguri’s condition is not what we will be discussing, least not directly. Suguri’s absence has reminded me how carried away I’ve been with her, and that I have neglected to spend time with all of you, so to begin amending this mistake, today, we shall go on a FAMILY (minus Suguri) ADVENTURE!!!” She proudly announced, doing a pose.

 

“Oh shit, an adventure!? THAT SOUNDS TIGHT AS HELL!!!” Kae replied, almost jumping out of her seat.

 

“YAAAAAAAY!!! AN ADVENTURE!!!!” Saki excitedly yelled, clapping her hands.

 

“I can get down with an adventure.” Nanako agreed with everyone else.

 

“To where?” Kyoko asked. She wasn’t entirely sold on the idea yet, especially since months of hard work fucking died in the name of this potentially mundane shit.

 

“Well…” Hime took a moment to think. She knew she had to do something with her family, but what had surprisingly not come to mind. She had an entire flight to think about it, yet the actual destination of the family adventure slipped her mind. “Since this is our first family adventure (minus Suguri), I guess we’ll just start with something simple, such as what me and Suguri normally do when we have spare time.”

 

“Which is?” Kyoko asked while putting her elbow on her knee, propping her head up against her fist like some sort of smartass.

 

“CLUUUUUUUUUBBING!!!!!” Hime improved, doing jazz hands.

 

“No thank you.” Kyoko immediately replied, getting out of her chair, ready to go back to the basement and back to work.

 

“Oh come on, Kyoko! Don’t be such a fucking dick!” Kae yelled at Kyoko.

 

“Yeah! What Kae said! Except nicer!” Saki agreed, pointing a finger at Kyoko. “You’re almost always working, and you never spend time with us!”

 

“She’s got a point, Kyoko. All that work you do on a regular basis cannot be healthy for you.” Nanako also agreed, arms casually crossed. “If not for us, you should at least come along for your own well being.” Kyoko stopped in her tracks, and turned around to once again face everyone.

 

“I appreciate your concern, Nanako, I understand your disappointment, Saki, and you can go fuck yourself, Kae, but sadly, I am simply not a “clubbing” sort of girl, so this doesn’t interest me. Perhaps next ti…..” Kyoko stopped talking for a moment, eyes lost in her family’s sad eyes of disappointment (except Kae, who was just sorta pissed). Saki was hard enough to look at, but who was potentially more disheartening to look at was Hime, whos face somewhat looked like that of a deer staring at an oncoming train. No longer feeling as certain as she once was about being able to go back to work without some form of guilt, Kyoko surrendered. “.... Fine, whatever, how long do we plan on being out?”

 

“Two days.” Hime responded simply.

 

“TWO DAYS!? ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?” Kyoko immediately screamed in response.

 

“Not at all! That is when Suguri gets out, and we will spend that time as a fa-”

 

“Hell no. I’m leaving, bye.” Kyoko then began to make a move for the basement. She no longer cared about Saki or even Hime’s sad faces, she was not going to go out clubbing for 48 hours straight. She’d sooner eat an entire container of straight cinnamon… Like, back when that was more acceptable to do as self punishment before tide pods became the new hip thing. Granted, she could probably do that and live, but- why was she thinking about this with any depth? This is stupid.

 

“Oh come on, Kyoko!” Kae began “Just spend some time with us! What are you, fucking gay?” Hime’s head immediately turned towards Kae.

 

“KAE!!!” Hime snapped.

 

“Huh? What?”

 

“THAT IS A HURTFUL WAY TO USE THAT TERM, AND YOU WILL RETRACT IT!!!”

 

“... What? Gay?”

 

“YES! NOW RETRACT IT!”

 

“Oh come on, Hime, it’s not like I said faggot or anything.”

 

“KAE!!!!!”

 

“OH COME ON!!! I USED IT IN AN…” Kae took a moment to think of the correct way to say what she wanted. “EXSAMPLIRARY CONTEXT! IT’S FINE!!!” Nailed it.

 

“It is not fine, Kae! You are saying such hurtful things in front of Saki! Look at her! You’re polluting her mind with such vicious and hateful things!”

 

“Mom, what does faggot mean?” Saki asked while raising her hand.

 

“OH DEAR LORD, SAKI!!! Do not say that word! SEE!? SEE WHAT YOU’VE DONE KAE!? RETRACT IT NOW!!!!”

 

“OH COME O-”

 

“RETRACT IT!”

 

“YOU CAN’T BE-”

 

“RETRACT IT!”

 

“BUT-”

 

“RETRACT IT, KAE!!!”

 

“FINE! FINE! I retract saying the word faggot, are you happy?”

 

“AND!?”

 

“..... And using gay as an insult.” Kae finally caved in.

 

“Aaaaah. See? That wasn’t so hard!” With that out of the way, Hime redirected her attention to Kyoko. “Now Kyo-” Kyoko was desperately trying to open the door to the basement. However, she had locked it upon coming out, and was blanking on the fact that all she had to do was put the key in the doorknob to open it back up. “KAE STOP HER! I HAVE MORE THINGS TO SAY PROBABLY!!!”

 

“KAE BLASTOFF!!!” Kae yelled, jetting off of her chair using her ability to fly, knocking her chair clean over, and body slamming into Kyoko. The two went flying into the kitchen, rolling over each other until slamming into the oven, creating a massive dent in it’s door. While Kyoko ended up on top due to the way they rolled into the oven, Kae used her superior strength to simply flip Kyoko off of her and slammed her on the bottom of the pile, pinning her down.

 

“GET OFF OF ME, KAE!!! THIS IS OBSCENE!!!” Kyoko screamed, struggling as hard as she could as Kae pressed down on her arms in a somewhat provocative way.

 

“NO! YOU'RE GONNA COME CLUBBING WITH US WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!!!!”

 

“I AM NOT GOING CLUBBING FOR 48 HOURS STRAIGHT, THAT’S COMPLETELY ABSURD!!!!”

 

“Then you leave me no choice.” Kae then turned back towards the living room. “SAKI!!!”

 

“Yeah Kae?” Saki responded.

 

“COMMENCE DOGPILE.”

 

“WHAT!?!?” Kyoko yelled, skin crawling at the idea, upping her struggle factor.

 

“YAY! DOGPILE!!!” Saki cheered, leaping through the room like a magnificent angel, and landing squarely on Kae’s back. This would sever the spine of most people, but thankfully, Kae was a superhuman cyborg thing, so it was fine. Kyoko’s squirm factor accelerated significantly as the combined weight of Saki and Kae pressed onto her. Kyoko was not a fan of physical contact, like, at all. Every single time something out of her control touches her, her entire body seizes up with discomfort. To have so many bodys on her at once is, by all means, several red flags for her.

 

“STOP! STOP! THIS IS A VIOLATION OF MY SPACE, GET OFF OF ME!! NOW!!!!!” Kyoko squealed in response to the aggravated physical assault on her personal bubble.

 

“NANAKO! JOIN US!!!” Kae yelled over at Nanako.

 

“NANAKO, DO NOT.” Kyoko screamed shortly after.  Nanako thought long and hard abo-

 

“Eh, fuck it.” Nanako promptly soared through the air and onto the trio, adding to the weight, and Kyoko’s discomfort.

 

“Well, if everyone else is doing it, I may as well too.” Hime said to herself happily. Hime gracefully floated herself through the air, and gently sat herself on the pile of cute girls. She then promptly curled up like a cat, and proceeded to nap atop the pile. “This is nice.”

 

“FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!!!!!” Kyoko finally screamed. “I’LL GO CLUBBING, JUST GET THE HELL OFF OF ME, YOU SAVAGES!!!!!”

 

“Alright, we broke her, everyone off!” Kae asked. However, the pile atop her did not get off. “.... Hello?”

 

“I can’t move.” Saki responded.

 

“It’s Hime,” Nanako said. “I think… I think she fell asleep on us…. We’re stuck.”

 

“....Eh whatever.” Kae shrugged while under the pile. “I don't mind staying like this a while more. How about you Kyoko?”

 

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

 

“That’s what I thought.” They stayed like this for about 15 more minutes until Hime finally woke up. After that, it was time to move out. The family (minus Suguri) had clubs to club at, to Kyoko’s destain.

 

***

 

CLUB 1: THE FRUIT SHACK

 

After a quick 7 minute flight, the girls landed in front of their first destination. The Fruit Shack. The Fruit Shack was, well, basically just a hawaiian themed outdoors bar on the local beach. It was more or less just a novelty added by the mayor to attract tourists, however, Hime and Suguri often came here anyways just to enjoy some sun and fine fruity drinks.

 

The quintette of women took seats next to each other (Nanako next to Kae, next to Hime, next to Saki, next to an empty chair, next to Kyoko) and Hime rung up the bartender.

 

“AY! AY! If it ain’t my best customer!” Miyusaki squealed as she came out from the center of the little hut in the bar, talking in a very, very fake Jamaican accent. “And I see you brought even MORE customers this time! EXCELLENT! I LOVE IT!!! THANK YOU, MOOOON!!!!!” Miyusaki then took a quick look around. “Hmmm, but where’s your usual partner?”

 

“She’s in the hospital after dancing against Kae for three days straight, so I’m spending some time with the rest of my family.” Hime chimed in. Miyusaki gave her a quick confused look, but immediately shook it off.

 

“AH! WHATEVA! Business is business! So what can I getcha, mah ladies?” Hime held up her hand to motion Miyusaki to wait a second while the group takes a look at the menu for options.

 

“I will personally have a strawberry banana smoothie, please.” Hime asked.

 

“OH! OH! I WANT THE CHOCOLATE STRAWBERRY SHAKE!” Saki yelled.

 

“I’ll-”

 

“Oh, sorry, I’ll have the chocolate strawberry shake, please.” Saki cut off Nanako to correct herself. Manners are important, least according to Hime.

 

“..... Banana smoothie with vodka, please.” Nanako finally got to say. Miyusaki raised a brow at this order, observing Nanako’s young appearance and petit speaking voice, questioning whether or not she’d lose her vendor's license for selling her something with vodka in it.

 

“.... Uh, aren’t you a little-” Nanako swiftly took out her state I.D, which Miyusaki quickly scanned… “.... Oh.” Nanako began glaring clean into Miyusaki’s soul as her age processed through her mind. “.... Banana vodka shake, coming up.” With that out of the way, and Kae still staring at the menu, Kyoko took her turn.

 

“I’ll have a vanilla blue-raspberry smoothie with a quarter of lemon, no chunks, no seeds, stirred to a cream, perhaps a bit of cherry to add sweetness, but not too much to make it noticable, which is about 8 drops, aaaaaaaaand a small dash of vodka. That should do it.” Kyoko finished.

 

“...... Um.” Miysaki took a quick second to gather what she just said in her head. “You know that’s gonna cost some extra, right?”

 

“Why?” Kyoko asked.

 

“It’s complicated, that’s all.”

 

“Hey, I added the numbers. So long as it all fits into a single glass, it should cost the same as everyone else's.”

 

“Kyoko, it’s fine, I-” Kyoko cut off Hime.

 

“No, this tendy isn’t getting the better of me. I am not going to let you rip me off, so please-”

 

“Lady, mon, I getcha point, but this is still MY establishment. I ain't gonna letcha order some weird ass mixture that’s gonna take a ton of effort on my part to make WITHOUT chargen a little extra, y’know?” Kyoko’s face reddened a bit.

 

“Excuse me, did you just call me weird?”

 

“W-what? No, mon! I said the drink was-”

 

“I’m not tolerating this.” Kyoko got out of her chair. “Call me when you're done here, Hime.” Kyoko then stomped off to the air-conditioned gift shop. Everyone except Kae (who was still busy looking at the menu) watched in slight awe as she left.

 

“... Who the fuck was that bitch?” Miyusaki asked Hime. Hime immediately got out of her chair, flabbergasted at the comment, and said her mind.

 

“EXCUSE ME, THAT IS MY FAMILY YOU SPEAK OF!” Hime yelled at Miyusaki.

 

“..... Huh?” Miyusaki asked, dropping her fake accent. Kyoko was sitting a seat away from the group, so she didn’t actually think she was part of their family… Awkward. “.... Oh, I…. Uh-”

 

“No! This shall not be tolerated, Miyusaki! No one shall insult my family, no matter how rude they may be! I shall be taking my business elsewhere!” Hime then huffily got up, and trotted for the gift store.

 

“B-but Hime, I still want a chocolate strawberry shake…” Saki stated with a sad face.

 

“.... Alright, you may still serve Saki, maybe also Nanako and Kae if they do not join my protest, but I shall PERSONALLY protest this rudeness!”

 

“..... Uh...” Miyusaki was mostly just confused right now. On one hand, she lost two customers, but on the other, she gained three so…. Yeah, this kinda evens out. “.... Ok?”

 

“Excellent! See you later, Miyusaki!” Hime responded surprisingly cheerily, going into the gift shop Kyoko stormed off into. There was a awkward silence as the person who was supposed to pay for the drinks happily trotted off in a form of strike against rudeness against rudeness until Nanako broke it.

 

“Um… I guess I’ll pay for it.” Nanako said, taking out her wallet. “Also, don’t worry about it, Kyoko is sort of a bitch.”

 

“Oh thank god I’m not crazy.” Miyusaki let out a heavy sigh, relieved. Without wasting a second more, she clapped her hands together a few times, as if summoning someone. “REPA! COME ON! WE GOT GUESTS!!!” As she yelled this, Ceoreparque (just call her Repa) walked out of the hut. “Make this one a banana vodka smoothie, I’ll handle the little blonde lady here.” Saki blushed a bit at the comment, liking being called a “lady”. It felt empowering. “Aaaaaand you-”

 

“SHHHH! I’m thinking.” Kae hushed.

 

“ Aaaaalright, we’ll get you later. For now, let’s get to making some FUGGIN DRINKS, MON!!!! YEAH!!!” Miu yelled while putting her accent back on. Repa simply nodded and got to work while the girls waited in anticipation, excluding Kae, who was still eyeing the menu.

 

***

 

“Who the hell sells snow globes for a beach setting?” Kyoko muttered to herself while shaking a snowglobe that was, in fact, in a beach setting. The snow wasn’t even dyed tan to match the sand, it was just white snow on sand… Kyoko found this humorous in an ironic sort of way. This would definitely be a sort of charming addition to her collection. She took the snow globe, along with a small plush manta ray which she found too cute to abandon in a shithole like this, and placed the two onto the register counter of the gift store.

 

“Cluck?” The chicken cashier asked.

 

“Yes. Here yo-”

 

“I’LL PAY FOR IT!!!” Hime chimed in, tackling Kyoko out of the way and swiping her card in for her. The chicken, while confused, took the offer and bagged the gifts.

 

“Bawk bawk.” the cashier finished happily. Hime took the bag and lowered it so the knocked over Kyoko could grab it.

 

“Here you go!” Hime said happily as she did the prior. Kyoko looked at the bag, somewhat annoyed, but eventually got back up and took it as to not look weak. Taking the bag while downed would imply she was okay with the action Hime just did.

 

“I was fully capable of paying for myself, Hime.” Kyoko replied to Hime. She took this as a personal insult to her, and her current occupation, as if Hime was suggesting it didn’t pay well enough for such petty items. Granted, secretary work wasn’t exactly what Kyoko was planning on doing for the rest of her life, but it paid well enough until her real career of being a scientist somewhere kicked off.

 

“Oh I would never doubt you, Kyoko! But this is my way of apologizing for Miusaki’s attitude earlier. I did not expect such an outrageous outburst from her, and I take full responsibility for it. So in extension, I bought you this!” Hime then jazzed her hands around the bag to emphasize she bought it for Kyoko out of love… She made it really hard for Kyoko to stay mad at her.

 

“Um… I appreciate it, Hime.” As Kyoko said this, Hime made a face as if Kyoko just confessed her love for her after 5 years of bullcrap stalling in whatever anime they were in. “Please don't make this weird.” Kyoko added.

 

“Would never dream of it, Kyoko!!! Now, where would you like to go next? The day is still young, and I feel giving you some power would make this clubbing adventure more enjoyable!” Kyoko thought about it… The power of control was a nice treat, she would admit. But what to do with it?...

 

“Besides home?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Alright…. Well….” Kyoko put a finger on her chin, thinking of where she would like to go. “How about the library?” Hime thought about it. The library was not a club, however, in the idea of making the clubs ascending in excitement to ensure no one gets bored, and this place being a total bust, it seemed like the logical next step.

 

“Well, alright! Under the rule of ascending excitement, the library sounds like a done deal!” Hime replied. Kyoko was… Reasonably surprised, but not disappointed. A nice, relaxing visit to the library sounded very nice.

 

“Alright, then I’ll stay here and perhaps browse a bit more. Let me know once everyone else is ready.” Kyoko responded, actually smiling. Hime excitedly clapped and nodded to her word, and pranced outside to see how everyone else was doing. Kyoko looked around the large store for a moment after Hime left before getting back to shopping… It was nice to get out every once and awhile.

 

***

 

Saki and Nanako happily slurped on their fruity drinks as Kae continued to just stare at the menu. Finally sick of waiting, Miyusaki confronted her about it.

 

“Lady, you’ve been starting at that menu for ten minutes now. Are you going to buy anything or what?”

 

“.... Could you read this for me?” Kae asked Miyusaki, flipping the menu so she could see it. Miyusaki leaned over to read, but Nanako took a break from her smoothie, and covered that section of the menu with her hand.

 

“Don’t, she needs to learn on her own.”

 

“COME ON, NANAKO, PLEASE!!!!” Kae responded. Miyusaki was at a loss for words, unbelieving that this was an actual thing.

 

“NO! Come on, just read it! Put the words together and say it!”

 

“NANAKO!”

 

“KAE YOU NEED TO LEARN THIS!!!” At the sight of this scene, Miyusaki let out a very small, barely audible chuckle, which caused Nanako to turn her head an instant 90 degrees towards her. “What’s so funny?”

 

“Oh, nothing, just… It’s a little funny to see a little girl teaching a grown up how to read, is all.” Triggered.

 

“BITCH, YOU SAW MY FUCKING CARD, I’M OVER 5000 YEARS OLD!!! OH! I’M SORRY I HAD PAINFUL AUGMENTATIONS FORCED INTO ME AT THE AGE OF 12 THAT STOPPED MY BODY FROM GROWING BY SOME MUSKY BLACK HAIRED PEDOPHILE. WANNA MAKE FUN OF MY SUNDERED INNOCENCE TOO, MOTHERFUCKER!?” Miyusaki blinked a few times in response to Nanako’s sudden violent outburst. She didn’t input on the conversation, but Saki had slowly backed away into the gift-shop with her drink while no one was looking.

 

“....... Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh.” Miyusaki stuttered in reply, feeling the heat of the landmine she just stepped on. Nanako was red and fuming in the face with no sign of cooling down on her own, so Kae decided to try and bail out the nice green haired tan skinned witch lady.

 

“Heeeeey Nana, looooooook! I’m reading the…. Thiiing… Uh.” Kae attempted to read from the menu. “See, Pi…. Pi-.... Pin-yata Co…. Coiabd!!! Pinyata Coiaba!” Miyusaki opened her mouth to correct her, but Kae made a “shush” motion as to not get her in any deeper water. Nanako took a look at the word, and put a finger to it.

 

“See this squigle here?” Nanako asked, trying to keep her rage down. “It’s to inform the reader of an accent. It doesn’t change the pronunciation.”

 

“Really?” Kae asked back, feigning interest. This seemed to calm down Nanako a bit.

 

“Y-yeah. So there’s a P, I, N, and an A, so what does that say?”

 

“... Piiiino-”

 

“No, A. A. As in “AAAAH”, or “AAAAApple”. What does it say?”

 

“Piiina?”

 

“Yes! Pina! Now let’s go to the next wor-”

 

“ALRIGHT EVERYONE!!!” Hime shouted to get everyone’s attention. “How are we all do-” Before she could finish, Miyusaki popped out a warp stone and warped next to Hime, followed by whispering in her ear.

 

“Look, Hime, you’re good people, Suguri is good people, and even that little yellow girl is good people, but please, you need to do me a favor and get those two the fuck away from my fruit shack, okay?”

 

“Whatever did they do?”

 

“Unimportant, just please, PLEASE, just get them away from here before either I blow my brains out, or the purple girl does it for me.”

 

“... Did you accidentally make fun of her appearance?”

 

“Kinda, yeah.”

 

“That’ll explain it. Don’t worry, I got this. OKAY EVERYONE, WE’RE GOING TO THE NEXT CLUB!!!”

 

“HEY, I DIDN’T GET TO ORDER ANYTHING YET!!!” Kae protested, breaking her attention from reading Pina Colada.

 

“What club?” Nanako asked, ignoring Kae’s bullshit.

 

“Well, I decided to let Kyoko decide so she would be more into the whole event, so we’re going to go clubbing at THE LIBRARY!!!” Hime announced, jazzing her hands a bit to make the library seem like an exciting place to get shitfaced at.

 

“FUCK NO, I AIN’T GOING TO NO LIBRARY!!!” Kae screamed.

 

“They have a slurpee machine in a coffee shop that’s also in there~.” Hime tempted.

 

“FUCK YEAH, LET’S GO TO THE LIBRARY!!!” Kae instantly tossed the menu to the side and strutted off in a random direction under the impression that would somehow take her to the library. Hime gathered up the rest of her family, and the team left while Miyusaki got to printing out “Banned” signs with Kae, Nanako, and Kyoko’s faces on them.

 

***

 

CLUB 2: THE LOCAL LIBRARY

 

Kyoko lightly traced her fingers against the spines of the many books of the “Romance” shelf as she looked for something good to read, her other hand carrying her bag of Gift Shop loot from before. Eventually, she stumbled upon a fancy looking book called “Twilight” by some Seagull named “Stephanie Myers”. She decided to turn it to a random page and read the first interesting thing that she saw to test the waters before diving in.

 

I tried to concentrate on the angel's voice instead.

"Bella, please! Bella, listen to me, please, please, please, Bella, please!" he begged.

Yes, I wanted to say. Anything. But I couldn't find my lips.

"Carlisle!" the angel called, agony in his perfect voice. "Bella, Bella, no, oh please, no, no!" And the angel was sobbing tearless, broken sobs.

The angel shouldn't weep, it was wrong. I tried to find him, to tell him everything was fine, but the water was so deep, it was pressing on me, and I couldn't breathe.

 

This sounded like a pretentious shitfest she’d regret reading for the rest of her life… She took the book and began looking for a spot to read it, a devilish grin forming across her face. There was nothing better to Kyoko than a good bad romance novel to ease the pain of being a shut-in scientist who can’t stand the idea of being forced into a conversation with anyone for more than five minutes.

 

There was something comforting about reading this shlock for Kyoko, knowing that there was nothing good going on outside the comforts of her home anyways, and the pride that came with being smarter than the people in the book. Admittedly, this was like pitting a cheetah against a sheep for her, but on the other hand, so long as Kyoko was that cheetah, the brutality of it didn’t bother her.

 

Upon finding a nice spot to treat the book to dinner before fucking it, Kyoko whipped out her new plush stingray friend, and plopped it onto her lap while she silently read to herself. She most likely should give this thing a name, however, as smart and elegant as Kyoko was, she didn’t have anything good for it at the moment. Perhaps inspiration will come later, but for now, it was time to read an amazing story about two idiots falling a love and somehow actually sticking together by the end of it. Like that ever actually happens.

 

***

 

Saki and Kae stared with glittering eyes at the library coffee shop’s slurpee machine.

 

“What flavor do we try first?” Kae asked Saki, almost blinded by the beauty of the several mixers in the machine’s surface, stirring vividly colored collections of slush around in each magical little circular spinny window thing.

 

“What flavor do we not try first?” Saki replied, equally as blinded to the magic of flavored ice being stirred around..

 

“That is the best question you’ve ever asked Saki.” Before things could escalate, Hime, who was behind the two, decided to lay down some ground rules.

 

“Alright, alright, don’t get too carried away you two. Remember, this is a library, so be respectful of the people around you.” Hime then fished inside her purse while Kae and Saki instantly forgot everything Hime just said. “Here’s 40 stars. A single slurpee is 10 so that’s enough for 2 slurpies each, sooooo…. Yeah, have fun!” She then turned around to Nanako, who was right behind her. “Alright Nanako, let’s go read some books!!!” She then grabbed Nanako by the hand and happily skipped back into the main library while helplessly dragging Nanako behind her to explore the magical realm of BOOKS, leaving Saki and Kae alone with the slurpee machine, a mistake most sane people would not make. Kae passed Saki half of the stars, and put 10 inside the little star-feeder herself.

 

“Alright Sako, I’ma start with a green apple / sour cherry slush.”

 

“But Kae, you can only get one flavor per 10 stars! It says on the machine!” Saki the Killjoy pointed this fact out via sign that said ‘One flavor per 10 stars’ on it’. Kae however, ignored this.

 

“Not with that attitude, Saki.”

 

***

 

“WHEREVER DO WE BEGIN, NANAKO!?” Hime inappropriately loudly asked Nanako, causing several librarians to shush her. “Oh, my bad. Wherever do we begin, Nanako? This place is filled with a boundless amount of books.”

 

“Eeeeeh, I think I’m just gonna lone wolf this, Hime. Call me when it’s time to head to the next club. No following, alright?” Nanako replied, going her own way.

 

“Oh… Well alright Nanako, have fun!” Another shush. “Sorry! Have fun.” Hime waited until Nanako had left from eyesight… She then began to stalk Nanako in an attempt to figure out what she was going to read. Nanako was always very secretive about the books she read that wasn’t mainstream stuff, and the library would most likely be a perfect time for her to secretly sneak in some of her special books. She tiptoed around the aisles, keeping Nanako in her general eyesight, making sure Nana didn’t get as much as a whiff of Hime’s presence. However, abruptly, someone had caught her stalking the purple loli.

 

“OJPF, PERVERT!!! TURN AROUND AND HANDS BEHIND YOUR BACK!!!” The person screamed, causing half the library to think there was a sting, causing them to fucking retreat from the building. Hime turned around, ready to beg that she did nothing wrong, followed by most likely being shot anyways, only to see who it was. “Just kidding, how you doing, Hime?”

 

“Alte! What are you doing here?” The tense mood had instantly lifted for Hime and nobody else in the building as everything basically went to shit, including several seagulls pulling guns on one another, thinking the other was part of a rival gang of seagulls.

 

“Ah, just pickin’ up a book for my husband called “Rules of the Sociological Method” by Emile Durkheim. Any idea where I can find something like that?”

 

“Um, no, sorry.”

 

“Ah, it’s fine. Has to be somewhere around here. Anyways, why are you chasing Nanako like that? You’re not thinking about lewding up that loli, are you? ‘Cause I can arrest you for that.” Alte joked, laughing a bit as she said that.

 

“Oh hush your lip, Alte! You know she was augmented at a young age! People like her don’t age after that, and she is VERY sensitive abo-”

 

“I’m joking! I’m joking!” Alte suddenly replied to end Hime’s lecture. “I’m augmented too, I know what happens when someone is augmented… God, do I know.” She suddenly became somber, her once cheerful mood dying, only to reignite as to not worry Hime. “B-but that’s behind me! I got a husband again, so it’s all good!!! Ha ha!”

 

“R-right! Sorry, I didn’t mean to remind you of-”

 

“No, no, I’m the one who brought that into this! That was, what, 7,000 years ago? 6,000? I’ve lost count, ha ha. It doesn’t matter now, I have a new husband now, and this one doesn’t age so what happened last time won’t happen again, right?”
 

“Right! And most of your friends now don’t age either, so you’ll never have to watch the ones you love age without you again!” Hime said in an attempt to cheer Alte up. This only emotionally kicked Alte in the metaphorical balls, but she didn’t let it show.

 

“Y-yeah… Anyways, what are you doing for thanksgiving this year?”

 

“T-thanksgiving? Isn’t that a few months away?”

 

“Well- yeah, but y’know, never too early to make plans, right?” Hime thought about this for a second.

 

“This is very true! However, I’m not too sure about exact plans at the moment… Will probably invite Sis and her wife over when the time comes- OH! I could bake pecan pie! Saki loves my pecan pie- Have you tried my pecan pie before, Alte?”

 

“Yes! You sent me two entire pies last thanksgiving. It was really good.”

 

“Oh right, I did do that… Well I’m very thankful you enjoyed it!”

 

“Yeah. So… Would it be okay if I came over this time?”

 

“Oh you are more than… Oh… Oh, I’m sorry, I don’t think that’d work.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“NoName… I mean, no offense to him personally, it’s just that… He looks a bit… Too similar to Shifu for the comfort of everyone else, besides Suguri, of course.”

 

“R-right....” There was a pause. “Well, perhaps just I could come over?”

 

“Are you implying you’d rather spend your thanksgiving with us than your husband?”

 

“N-no! I just…. Nevermind, it was a dumb idea, ha ha.”

 

“Oh no problem, Alte! I too say things that are accidentally rude or offensive too! You have nothing to worry about!”

 

“No shit.”

 

“What was that Alte?”

 

“Nothing! I should probably-”

 

“Wait!” Hime grabbed the shoulder of Alte before she could skedaddle off. “You may not be able to come to our house, but perhaps we could still do something together! Such as… OH! We could swap food!”

 

“Oh! Um, that’s very nice to offer, but we’re probably just going to order some takeout, I’m not much of a che-”

 

“Nonsense! You will cook something and you will send it to me in exchange for something I’ve made, no if’s or buts!!! Even if your dish is burnt to a crisp, I shall still accept it in the spirit of the holiday, and sometime after, you, me, Suguri, and NoName can all go out to see a movie to celebrate to make up for not being able to have thanksgiving together.” In a sudden burst of energy, Hime grabbed Alte on both her sides, and began talking in a slightly more raised voice “OH!!! We could get that very expensive movie theatre pizza they sell there! It’s so expensive, but that makes it all the more delicious knowing that almost nobody gets it. It’s also naughty knowing we’re spending our money on something worthless, and that feeling is very exciting!!! What do you think?”

 

“.... I’d highly appreciate that, Hime. Thank you.” Alte gave her a very warm smile along with her reply, and wiggled out of Hime’s grip. Hime smiled back, happy to see her bring such a smile to a usually very serious person… Suddenly, there was an explosion, and the sprinklers went off, most likely caused by a seagull using a robo-ball as a grenade. “Ah crap, I most likely gotta sort that out. I’ll catch you later Hime!”

 

“See you later!” Hime waved Alte off as she put on her special identity hiding officer helmet, followed by turning her morph-gun into a shotgun.

 

“OJPF, HANDS UP IN THE NAME OF SUPREME JUSTICE!!!”

 

“That Alte.” Hime said to herself, slightly shaking her head with a cute smile on. She’s truly a one of a kind person, that Alte. Within a few moments, Nanako came scurrying out from wherever she was looking for Hime.

 

“HOLY SHIT, DID YOU HEAR THAT!?” Nanako yelled, book in hand.

 

“Oh hello there, Nanako! What were you-” Hime quickly glanced at the book Nanako was holding. “... ‘Lust’ by Susan Minot?” Nanako instantly tossed the book across the library.

 

“UNIMPORTANT, WHERE ARE THE OTHERS!?!?”

 

“GOD DAMNIT!!!” Kyoko screamed from a distance.

 

“Well, I suppose Kyoko is over there. Grab her will you? I’ll get Saki and Kae. This place no longer seems appropriate for light reading.”

 

“Uh… Yeah, I’ll go… Yeah.” Nanako then scurried off, bits deployed just in case, to seek out Kyoko. Hime went in a slightly different direction to seek out Kae and Saki, who were hopefully still mucking around with the slurpee machine.

 

***

 

After Saki had fiddled with the machine just a little bit using her expert knowledge on explosive wiring to… Uh… Well, all the flavors were uncontrollably spewing out slurpee now, so clearly that somehow equated to understanding slurpee tech somewhat. On the floor, Kae and Saki laid with bulged bellys, their raid on frozen fruity/sometimes cola-y dragon keep being more than an overwhelming success.

 

“Alright… Sir Arthur.” Kae moaned, rubbing her inflated tum tum that was stuffed to bursting with liquidated sugar snow. “Turn… Turn dragon keep off.”

 

“Nay… Lancelot.” Saki moaned back. “Thine camelot est… Too tired to… rewire dragon keep-” She let out a massive belch, “-to stop flowing it’s delicious….. Sweet magma defenses.”

 

“Ah shit…” Kae looked over at the growing pile of slush, and looked at all the hipster seagulls, chickens, and robo-balls who would give a shit about this, but that’d required them to take their eyes off their phones for a few seconds, thus making caring about the growing amount of slush a bit of a paradox for them. “I guess we’re all just gonna die, then.”

 

“You were always my favorite knight, Lancelot.” Saki honored, readying herself for death by slush.

 

“And I couldn’t have served a greater king.” The two held hands, and braced for the slow approaching, very literal sweet and cold embrace of death. Suddenly, as if by divine intervention, Sir. Gawin poked her head in.

 

“GAWIN!!!” Kae yelled. “ASSIST YOUR KING!!!”

 

“.... Huh?” Hime asked, looking around, not seeing a Sir. Gawin anywhere. “Regardless, it’s time to go you two, the place is catching fire.”

"Oh I get it that's a hunger games joke, ha ha!"

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW” Both Saki and Kae moaned in disappointment.

 

“No aw’ing, c’mon.” Hime made a motion with her hand, and Kae and Saki waddled after her, leaving the hipsters who lived in the coffee shop to die a slow, freezie death. “If it is any compensation, one of you may pick the next location, though keep in mind the more eventful club must come later!” Upon hearing this, Saki and Kae began to whisper to one another, planning out where they should go next. Eventually, they nodded on something.

 

“Alright, Saki’s got an idea.” Kae stated.

 

“Excellent! What is it, Saki?” Hime asked.

 

“Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell…..”

 

CLUB 3: TOYS-R-US (before it closed)

“LANCELOT!!!” Kae yelled from across the store at Saki from inside a shopping cart, a fancy foam crown on her head and a plastic lance in her arms. “I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL!”

 

“It was, my king, but you have teamed up with dragons, the evilest of mythological creatures!” Saki yelled back at Kae, clad in foam armor and armed with a plastic lance.

 

“Rawr~” Nanako coo’d in a little dragon suit intended for children, gripping the handles of the cart Kae was in behind her.

 

“Doesn’t this seem a bit dangerous?” Hime asked in a princess outfit, holding Saki’s cart from behind her.

 

“NAY, PRINCESS GAWIN!” Saki declared. “NOW QUEEN ELIZABETH, DONE DIDDLY GET THIS TRAIN STARTED!!!” Still soaking wet from the fire alarm Kyoko in no fancy outfit then raised a small checkered flag.

 

“Aaaaaaaaand.” Kyoko monotonically said, still reading her copy of Twilight she totally didn’t steal during the confusion at the library in her other hand. “Joust, I guess.” she then waved the flag down with little to no enthusiasm, cueing Nanako and Hime to start running at one another while dragging Kae and Saki behind them.

 

“CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!!!” Kae screamed, getting her lance in position. Saki did the same, aiming clear for Kae’s heart… Wherever that was, I mean, they have augmented bodies, so who knows? The chariots of cheap metal charged towards one another nonetheless, their driver’s eyes flaming with thirstful vengeance. Normally, this would be at a rather pathetic speed granted the horses only had two legs, however, these horses were also motherfucking cyborgs, meaning they flew at each other at nearly mach 1, and the impact was near instant. In the collision, Kae had just missed Saki, and Saki had gotten a clean hit into Kae’s stomach, literally impaling her with the plastic playtoy. There was a large spurt of blood resulting from this, which sprayed into the face of some nearby chicks and baby seagulls who were spectating the ordeal.

 

“HOLY SHIT!!!” Kae yelled, blood continuing to spurt out of her. “SOLID FUCKING HIT, SAKI!!!” Saki laughed triumphantly as Kae continued to gush blood all over the floor. Saki soon lowered her lance a bit, letting Kae slide off of it, and onto the floor in a puddle of her own blood. The gaping hole in her tum tum then quickly regenerated due to her augments.

 

“Since you have slain the king in FAIR COMBAT,” Kae began, fiddling a bit with the ripped hole of her shirt where the lance stabbed her, and after doing that, taking off her foam crown. “YOU, SIR LANCELOT, SHALL BE DUBBED “KING” LANCELOT!!!” She placed the crown upon Saki’s head, and both Nanako and Hime clapped in celebration of their new king. The kids would have clapped too, but they were still traumatized from being caught in the splash zone. “However-” Suddenly, Kae slipped on a plastic skull mask. “I’ve come back from the grave to take my crown back. DRAGON LORD MALEFICENT, SCORCH THESE FUCKERS!”

 

“DON’T SAY THAT IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN!!!” Hime intersected, pointing to the blood soaked chickadoos.

 

“Okay fine. SCORCH THESE FUDGERS!!!”

 

“Thank you <3”

 

“RAWR!!!” Nanako bellowed, summoning several bits with dragon hand-puppets put on over them. Out from their tiny mouths shot a wave of purple laser beams as they bobbed up and down a bit to make the tiny fabric wings on their backs appear to flap.

 

“Dragon army!!! PRINCESS GAWIN, GET THE BOWS!!!” Hime skipped off to find some form of projectile weapon they could use to defend themselves.

 

“Will these work?” Hime asked Saki, coming back with high-powered Nerf assault rifles.

 

“OHMYGODTHATSSOCOOLOHMYGO- I mean YES fair princess! Now passeth me one!” King Saki declared. Hime passed Saki a rifle, and together, they began to rain hot, foam lead upon the invading dragon army. The ongoing war between man and dragon went on for several medieval years (which is like 30 minutes in real time, given how quickly people died back then). The fight had also grown a large following of seagulls on the human side in fighting the tiny bit-dragons. However, the war was ended when god himself descended from the heavens to cease reality as to bring order back to the world.

 

“This one is in charge of this building of selling fine children’s toys, and would like to inform you customers that the amount of disruption you have caused within the premises has outdone that of this stores tolerance against such disruptions. This one is asking you to leave before he summons the cop units.” The Robo-Ball manager of the Toys-R-Us booped at Hime and the gang.

 

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWW,” Everyone except Kyoko and the traumatized, unsupervised, blood soaked chicks drawled.

 

“Do not AAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWW this one.” It replied, replaying the groups Aw’ing that it recorded. “You are also going to be charged for the damages caused to the store by deadly purple lasers, bleeding all over this one’s god damned floor, and also an additional charge for just existing cause this one lost his brother during the Little War to Suguri, and thus, blames you weird cyborg traitors for that/and also Hime, because she is, last this one checked, is now friends with Suguri. This one’s brother, was, like, the third ball you killed in level 1, just btw.”

 

“Well, couldn’t we just buy this overpriced 100 star foam crown instead?” Hime asked, taking off Saki’s crown to show it off.

 

“... This one has not made a sale in 3 days... Okay, you may, but this one will only give you a 5 minute head start before calling the police units.”

 

“Thank you! Alright everyone, next club!” Hime chimed in, taking the crown over to the register for checkout. In addition to the foam crown, Nanako bought her dragon costume and a few hand puppets for her bits, and Kae bought the lance Saki impaled her with, cause it was fuckin’ cool.

 

“Alright everyone, we have about two minutes ‘till the nice ball takes us all to jail. Where should we go next?” Hime asked her family. Kae butted in.

 

“OH, I KNOW!!!”



 

CLUB 4: THE HOT-COCK CLUB

 

Nanako: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH WE’RE HALFWAY THEEEEERE!!!

 

Kae & Nanako: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! LIVIN’ ON A PRAYER!!!

 

Kae: Ba-dun dun dun, WE’LL MAKE IT, I SWEEEEAR-

 

Kae & Nanako: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! LIVIN’ ON A PRAYER!!!

 

“Oh, aren’t they simply wonderful, Kyoko?” Hime asked Kyoko while watching Nanako and Kae. Kyoko, still a little damp from the library incident and still reading her copy of Twilight, attempted to ignore Hime as she stroked her pet plush stingray on her lap. “I said, aren’t they wonderful, Kyoko?”... No response. “I said-”

 

“I heard you, I just don’t care.” Kyoko finally spoke, not lifting her eyes off of the pages of her book.

 

“Oh why ever not, just look at them!”

 

“Hime, trust me when I say if I didn’t promise to come with you guys if I got to go to the library, which was a massive bust, by the way, I wouldn’t be subjecting myself to this torture.”

 

“Torture? Whatever do you mean?”

 

Kae and Nanako: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! LIVIN’ ON A PRAYER!!!

 

Kyoko clamped her ears shut upon them reaching the loud AAAAA of the song again, dropping her book so she could do so. “That.” She bluntly replied. “And the overwhelming amount of drunk people here who keep bumping into me.”

 

“Well I’m certain they’re not doing it on purpo-”

 

“It doesn’t matter their intent, Hime! It’s the fact it’s happening at all that’s torture. Do you even understand a single thing about me?”

 

“Well…” Hime took a moment to think. “I would know more if you spent more time us.”

 

“Yeah, and look how well that’s going.” Hime attempted to keep her cool against Kyoko’s snarky comment there.

 

“Come on, Kyoko, this is a happy time! Just… Just show me a smile!” In reply, Kyoko simply rolled her eyes, and picked her book back up, and used it to block all eye contact with Hime. “... Oooookay.” Hime awkwardly replied, twiddling her thumbs, thinking of something to say to salvage this. “Y’know, you can pick again after Nanako picks where she wants to go.”

 

“Well, seeing how everything you guys touch bursts into flames, I’d rather not.”

 

“… Not even to a salon or something?”

 

“... Do I even need to say why a Salon is a bad idea for me?” Kyoko lowered her book a bit to glare at Hime.

 

“Right, touch… Uuuuh.” Hime thought for a few moments longer. “... A museum?”

 

“As much as that would be interesting, Kae would most likely rob the exhibits and start sword fighting Nanako and Saki, destroying years of history for, as the kids say, ‘Minor Lols’.”

 

“What about…. Uh.”

 

“Hime.” Kyoko lowered the book for a moment and looked Hime clean in the eyes. ”I ‘appreciate’ your attempts at making this a suitable experience for everyone, but I am not a party girl like you guys. Okay? Now please, let me suffer in peace.” She then flicked her book back up.

 

“.... Fine, whatever.” Hime almost scoffed, giving up. “Just… Do whatever.” Not even caring about Hime’s deflated mood, Kyoko snapped her book shut, put it in her bag of gift shop loot, and replied with a solid, strong,

 

“Thank you.” followed by walking away. As soon as she left, Saki finally came back from the bathroom, augmented girls also needing to expel the food they eat like any normal person.

 

“Where’s Kyoko going, ma?” Saki asked.

 

“Home, I suppose.” Hime replied, grabbing her glass of wine and taking a solid chug of it. Her and Saki just sorta awkwardly sat there for a few minutes in silence as Kae and Nanako finished their song, and moved onto a new one.

 

“Saki?” Hime started. “Am I a bad mother?”

 

“What! Of course not! You’re the best mom ever!!! I wouldn’t have won that joust if it weren’t for-”

 

“I mean in Kyoko’s case. I know you love me as your metaphorical mother, but I question-”

 

“What does metaphorical mean?”

 

“I’m… Not entirely sure myself, it’s one of those five dollar words Suguri uses when she says something, but doesn’t really mean it literally, but in a….” Hime began to confuse herself. “It’s confusing, what I mean is, am I bad protector or parent figure for Kyoko?”

 

“Well you’re doing a better job than her actual mother did in my opinion. She didn’t let her do anything from what little I saw of her.” Hime blinked a few times at Saki’s debatably sassy comment towards Kyoko’s deceased mother.

 

“W-well yes, but I wouldn’t say she was aw-”

 

“She was a horrible person, mom! Everyone on the ship hated her, I think even Shifu did too, and she was one of his most loyal scientists!”

 

“Let’s forget about that, okay? I’d rather that stuff be in the past. I just want to know how I’m doing now, nothing involving the ship, just now.” Saki took a pause to think about that.

 

“Well, why do you feel you’re not doing a good job now?”

 

“She’s miserable, Saki! I can make you, Nanako, and Kae happy, but never her!!! And it’s that depressing attitude that makes me wonder if it’s my fault she’s so sad. Am I not accommodating her correctly? Is there anything I can do to just make her smile?”

 

“I don’t think there is.” Saki bluntly replied, causing Hime’s eyes to widen a bit in confusion.

 

“What?”

 

“It’s not your, or any of our faults she acts the way she does, mom, she’s just… In pain. She was raised for a long while on the ship, her dad got airlocked for not agreeing with Shifu, her mom pushed her academically for most of her childhood, and when she stepped out of line once, Shifu, the person she looked up to the most at that time, above her own mother even from what I could tell, augmented her just like the rest of us. Her outbursts are probably just… Well, a coping mechanism, really. A sort of self fulfilling prophecy that, so long as she never becomes close to anyone, her heart can’t be broken again.”

 

“You think… She’d rather be alone her entire life than be happy? Just so she won’t be abandoned again?”

 

“Maybe. That’s all just a guess from what I’ve seen. There’s no telling what’s going on with her on the inside.”

 

“Well is there anything we can do to help her!?” Saki sadly shook her head in reply.

 

“The only person that can help her is herself, mom. Only she can choose to open up to people.” Hime sadly looked down at her drink again, and took another swig. She let the nice taste sit on her mouth for a few moments, and began talking again.

 

“... Well, what if she found someone she could relate to? Someone who felt the same pain she did? Would that make her happy?”

 

“I dunno.” Saki simply shrugged. “Maybe.”

 

“So there’s a chance?”

 

“Who knows? I’m not her.”

 

“True… True.” Hime took one last sip. “Thank you Saki, this was enlightening.”

 

“Like a light bulb?” Saki asked genuinely. It only hit Hime at this very moment that she had just had a profound, deep conversation about Kyoko’s current mental state with Saki, the bubbly airhead of the group… Well, more so than Hime herself.

 

“.... Um, yes, very much so… Um, well, the night is young, and we still have a day or two left to kill…. Want to take a turn at the karaoke floor?”

 

“YAAAAAAAAAY!!! KARAOKE!!! YES PLEASE!!!” Saki excitedly agreed, jumping out of her seat to jump a few times.

 

“Alright then! Let’s get out of our bummer shackles and sing like there is no tomorrow!!! LET US COMMENCE THE SINGING!!!!”

 

***

 

Kyoko huffily made her way towards the exit of the bar, attempting to avoid all and any physical contact with anything that wasn’t a table or chair. She was right about to exit out the front door and head home when some inconsiderate seagull blasted through the same door, smacking Kyoko and knocking her bag of loot out of her hands.

 

After the initial shock down her spine she felt from anything touching her without permission, she turned around, and picked up her stuff, praying that the snowglobe didn’t shatter and soak her book in shitty gift shop snowglobe water. Thankfully, on inspection, it seemed her stingray had cushioned the blow, protecting the globe from smashing open. While nobody was looking, she patted the stingray on the head to congratulate it for being a good boy and taking one for the team.

 

During her congratulatory pat session, since she was turned away from the exit door during it, she took a gander around the bar to ensure nobody took notice of her petting her stingray in public, as well as just making sure nobody tried any funny moves while she was doing so. However, during her scan… She noticed something, or, someone, rather peculiar. The details didn’t matter to Kyoko, but what did was this one peculiar article of clothing she was wearing… A lab coat.

 

Kyoko’s first thought about this was “HOLYSHIT”, but she second guessed herself by thinking “No no no, idiot. People don’t wear lab coats everywhere they go, you’re literally the only one who does that. It’s most likely just a kinky stripper or something.” which was followed by “But maybe the stripper was forced into this job from her scientific endeavors because the world is a rotting pit of despair nobody can escape from.”. Ideas like this ping-ponged around her mind until another motherfucker bumped into her, causing her mind to just yell “WE’RE NOT GOING TO KNOW ‘TILL YOU JUST CHECK, JUST DO IT!!!”

 

Before she even realized it, she was sitting right next to the fellow lab coat wearer, her mind rushing so much she didn’t even remember what she did to get here. Upon getting so close to this woman now, she noticed a few things she didn’t from afar. First thing’s first, she stunk of alcohol, which was a bad sign right off the bat. In addition, she clearly hasn’t had a shower in a damn long while from the clear dirt all over her face… Well, that or she fell down and got dirty before coming here. Finally, her hair was done up in a really, really ugly bun containing way more hair than it should be. Almost every single one of Kyoko’s base primal instincts was telling her to abort before she noticed she was here, but on the other hand… If she just walked away, what else was she going to do? Try and rebuild the crystal manipulator that took months of time to construct alone? She was still rather shaken up about it breaking down already, so simply looking at it would probably give her a migraine. But if she’s not doing that, what is she going to do?... Guess read this book… Maybe… GOD DAMNIT, KYOKO, JUST TALK TO HER!!!

 

“YOU ALRIGHT!?” Kyoko very loudly blurted out, causing everyone in the bar to stare at her except the girl she was trying to get the attention of.

 

“.... Huuh?” The girl moaned. Thank god, Kyoko’s shit first impression didn’t make an impact due to her social partner being too shitfaced to notice. She could capitalize on this!

 

“I asked if you were alright.” Kyoko repeated.

 

.”Yeah, I’m just fine. Just getting shitfaced at a bar over how much of a trainwreck my entire life is. What of it?” The girl replied, giving Kyoko a rather nasty glare as she did. Kyoko wasn’t sure whether to take offense at this act of sass, or be aroused from it, since she was pretty sure she would say the same thing in this girl’s shoes… Not in that way, pervert, look up the definition of ‘aroused’, it doesn’t mean that directly.

 

“... Mind if I join you for a bit?” Kyoko asked, already sitting next to her… She prayed the other woman wouldn’t notice.

 

“… Nah, not really. Go right on ahead.”

 

“Thank you.” Kyoko then got off the chair and right back on to simulate her now actually sitting next to her. “Um, tendy, could I get a shot of scotch please? Perhaps with some vanilla flavoring if you have it?” The bartender squaked in agreement. “Thank you.”

 

“… Tendy?”

 

“Oh, it’s just what I call bartenders. I think it’s rather-” Shit, think of something fancy. “Quaint.” Kyoko gave herself a mental high five. “Anyways, I couldn’t help but notice the lab coat you’re wearing. Are you, perchance, a scientist?”

 

“…. Yeah?”

 

“Of what sort?” Kyoko asked in a somewhat interrogating voice, doing admittedly well at hiding her innermost excitement that she actually found someone who was potentially smart enough to follow anything she had to say about her crystal manipulation project.

 

“Um…. No real sort, honestly. I honestly just have a knack for… Like… Making shit. Random shit, really.”

 

“…. Like?”

 

“You got a real fucking knack for asking questions, don’t you? The most impressive shit I’ve ever made is a bleach powered robot spider. Nobody wants that shit man! The only lab I fuckin’ got is my basement at home, and no money to fund anything ACTUALLY useful. I just spend all my fucking time down there, wasting away in that mossy ass basement, trying to come up with some breakthrough, and when I think I have, nobody is fucking interested!!! That’s “LIKE” what I fucking make, now please fuck off and let me wallow in my own self pity.” Holy shit, this woman was literally Kyoko but somehow less successful.... This lady was meeting all of Kyoko’s standards, how the fuck was this even possible?

 

“May I see them?” She asked, heart now pounding practically out of her chest.

 

“… Bitch are you fucking deaf? There’s nothing interesting down there, just crap I-”

 

“Let me be the judge of that, not you. Alright?” The woman in return to this gave Kyoko this look of both confusion, disbelief, and just a touch of disdain. Regardless, realizing there was no shaking this blue haired weirdo, she submitted to her boundless charisma.

 

“… Whaaaatever, lady, I’ll get my keys.” She said, popping out her keys and getting out of her seat.

 

“You… You’re not planning on driving, are you?”

 

“Yeah, why?” The woman then let out a very nasty, putrid drunk girl burp…

 

“…… Just give me directions and I’ll drive.”

 

“...I ain’t gonna fuckin’ argue, less work on my part. Let’s fuckin’ roll.” The woman then practically chucked her keys at Kyoko’s face, who managed to just barely catch them before they could potentially break her glasses. The woman then began to drunkenly bumble outside to her car… Kyoko had a feeling she’s probably made a terrible mistake by listening to her uterus instead of her head, but, at this point, she felt as if she’d come so far now that turning back was an impossibility. Grabbing her gift shop loot, she followed the drunk girl outside while completely neglecting to pay her bartender for the drink she ordered that he had only just now served for, at this point, absolutely fucking no one.

 

***

 

So Kyoko had been driving around town for about 30 minutes now trying to get this woman home, which was mostly due to the woman being drunk and constantly giving incorrect directions, though, Kyoko driving about 20 under the speed limit due to her crippling fear of vehicular accidents didn’t help much.

 

“... Soooo.” Kyoko started in an attempt to break up the monotony of the drive “What’s your name?”

 

“Kiriko, you?” Holy shit, this conversation was going far faster than Kyoko was comfortable with. What deep well of hell has she gotten herself into? Should she bail from the car- What the fuck are you doing, just respond, it’s cool, just calm down, shit.

 

“K-Kyoko?” Kyoko replied somewhat nervously for reasons only she knows.

 

“PFFFFFT!!! Your name’s fuckin’ Kyoko? Like seriously?” Kiriko began drunkenly giggling at Kyoko’s name, causing Kyoko to turn several deep shades of red in embarrassment. How the fuck did Kyoko say something that caused someone to laugh at her that quickly!? How did she fuck up saying her own name so badly!?!? FUCK, SHE NEVER SHOULD HAVE LEFT THE HOUSE, THIS WAS BOUND TO HAPPEN, IT’S ALL HER FAULT!!!

 

“Uh-uh.” She stuttered, trying to keep a straight face “W-what’s so funny about my name?”
 

“Well, like, in this game I kinda like, it’s called Danganronpa, just by the way, there’s this girl in it who’s also named Kyoko Kirigiri in it, and I used to joke to myself about my name kinda sounding like her last, so… Just sorta found it funny your name was her’s… Yeah.”.... What the fuck is a Danganronpa? Would it be awkward to ask?... Wait a second-

 

“Are you looking through my stuff?” Kyoko asked, realizing Kiriko had just started shuffling through her bag of shit.

 

“Well, I mean, if you’re so gungho about seeing my shit, I may as well look thro-” Kiriko immediately stopped talking for a moment after moving Kyoko’s stingray to the side, revealing her book. “WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?”

 

“What do you mean? The stuffed animal? Cause I’ll have you know-”

 

“NO, THIS.” She yelled, holding up Twilight. “WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!?”

 

“Oh, that? I picked it up at the library today.”

 

“WHY!?!?”

 

“Well… I thought it was funny.”

 

“.... wha.”

 

“I mean, flip through a few pages yourself. It’s an absolutely horrendous story. It’s basically the written version of everything wrong with the world, and by extension, humanity incarnate. However, I do enjoy reading these sorts of books, if only just to laugh at it fully knowing that, and this may sound a bit egotistical, but that I myself am nowhere as dense as the writer of that book.”

 

“So… You sort of read it… Ironically?

 

“I suppose that’s another way of saying it, yes, I’m reading it ‘ironically’.... Why are you staring at me like that?” Kyoko asked as Kiriko stared at her as if she had just turned into a mouthwatering thanksgiving turkey.

 

“Well… I mean…. Uh, I also read books for that sort of calibur… Uh-”

 

“Oh, by the way, could you let down that awful pig shelter you call a bun? It’s disgusting.” Slipped from Kyoko’s mouth. She had no idea why that just slipped out, it just sort of did. However, instead of being socked in the jaw, she was surprised to hear Kiriko laugh a bit in reply.

 

“I fucking know, right? I thought I was the only one who hated it.” Kiriko then tugged away the small elastic bang in her hair that was keeping it up, letting down her massive, long, rather tangled purple hair. “I read one of these stupid ‘self help’ books recently and it said ‘yo, fix your fucking appearance and you’ll feel better about yourself’ and… Yeah, that shit wasn’t really working out.”

 

“Oh please, those things are full of rubbish. Going outside is so overrated.”

 

“So is that why you were in a bar?”

 

“I was dragged there by my family. Trust me, if it were up to me, I would have been at home doing basically anything else.”

 

“Ah… Oh, shit, turn left here.” Kiriko suddenly blurted.

 

“... Left? Isn’t that where the Poppo Ghetto is?”

 

“Yeah I live there. Turn.”

 

“..... Why?”

 

“It’s cheap. Just turn in.”

 

“But-”

 

“YOU’RE ABOUT TO MISS THE TURN, TURN IN.”

 

“OKAY!!!” Kyoko then sharply, but nervously turned into the Poppo Ghetto, which is basically where all the Marie Poppos of the world have been isolated for the sake of literally every single living being that isn’t a Marie Poppo. During the remaining drive towards Kiriko’s house, there was a slight incident from outside the car where both Kyoko and Kiriko witnessed a Mario Poppo stabbing another Poppo to death with a sharpened toothbrush over a baloney sandwich, followed by the victorious Poppo eating the sandwich over the other’s bleeding, dying body, cooing adorably as she did so… If you’re wondering if the winner or loser was cooing adorably, don’t worry, both were. These are Poppos, after all.

 

“Dear god ... Do they do things like that out of desperation or-” Kiriko instantly cut off Kyoko.

 

“No, they’d steal no matter what scenario they were in.”

 

“But… The killing?”

 

“The other one showed weakness. In Poppo society, only the strong survive.”

 

“....... Oh hey, is that your house?”

 

“The only house on the block with working power? Yeah, just park on the little lot there.” Kyoko swiftly turned in, and let Kiriko get out of the car to unlock the door to her house, praying to god the Poppos wouldn’t spring out of nowhere and eat their way through the car. As soon as she saw the door open, Kyoko darted out of the car, slammed the car’s door shut, and sprinted into the house before Kiriko could get in. “... I’m assuming you're not one for chival-”

 

“JUST CLOSE THE DOOR.” Kyoko screamed ,feeling the Poppos drawing closer with every second the door wasn’t shut.

 

“Okay okay, jesus.” Kiriko then closed the door. With some form of safety now being felt, Kyoko took a look around Kiriko’s living room… Okay, so imagine your house, but somehow, it’s even dirtier. Kyoko is honestly amazed she didn’t trip and break her neck over one of the many, many pringles cans littering the floor.

 

“Why is your house so… Well, messy?” Kyoko asked Kiriko.

 

“I live in the Poppo ghetto. Are you implying I should give a crap about what my house looks like?”

 

“Well… It would certainly help if you didn’t follow the norm.”



 

“Yeah yeah yeah, whatever, anyways…. Uh..” In her drunken state, Kiriko forgot why Kyoko was even at her house, or how she even got here from the bar. In an attempt to remember, she started eyeing her up, attempting to trigger a memory- holy shit. In a flash instant, while Kyoko was busy bending over to pick up some plastic water bottles Kiriko left on the floor, she got an eye-opening shot of Kyoko’s choice fucking ass. This woman seemed like a total asshole, but her ass… HER ASS!!! Jesus christ, if she had a dick she could probably satisfy herself alone via paizuri using only Kyoko’s fucking asscheeks. Were those things real? Oh who gives a shit if they’re real, the fact that they exist at all that’s important! Jesus christ, she could envision herself motorboating those cheeks right now, her face entire buried by- shit she was wet, okay, we need to capture this bitch before she lets her guise down.

 

“Kfgffgfaaaa-” Kiriko stumbled, thinking of a plan.

 

“What?” Kyoko responded, ceasing her bottle collection to turn to her.

 

“I… Uh… .. One second.” Kiriko scampered over to the kitchen. “Hey, uh, while I’m in here, you want a… Uuuuuh..” Kiriko took out a plastic cup of water, and swiftly dropped a homemade face dissolving ruffie in it. “Want me to get you a cup of water?” She filled the cup with tap water, and the pill dissolved instantly, and clearly, within the water. This party trick always works.

 

“No thank you.” Kyoko responded, eyeing up Kiriko’s DVD collection of Azumanga Daioh.

 

“Oh come on, you drove me here in my own car. Least I can do is treat you to some cold, refreshing wa-”

 

“No offense, this is nothing against you, but I never consume anything that isn’t directly prepared by me.”

 

“Oh come on, it’s just wa-”

 

“And you could have tainted that water.” FUCK. “I have no way of knowing, but I’d rather stay safe than be sorry later. Apologies.”

 

“Uh… Yeah.” Kiriko dumped the water into the sink. “I’m not thirsty either. Anyways, what were we-”

 

“You were going to-”

 

“STOP CUTTING ME OFF!!!” Kiriko barked suddenly, drunkenly tired of Kyoko’s bullshit.

 

“..... You were going to show me your work.”

 

“... My work?” Kiriko took a moment to think. “... Wait, why?”

 

“Did you somehow forget that? We came here so I could see what you’ve been working on.” … Shit, was that why she was here?... Was she ….. Some sort of professor, or, something? She’d probably have raped her 50 times over by now if she was one who looked that sexy… Whatever, clearly drugging her isn’t the answer, so Kiriko was just going to have to play along for now.

 

“...I mean, yeah, but I’m drunk fuck right now, so… Yeah, I guess let’s just dive into that… What work were you interested in again?”

 

“You said something about bleach powered spiders?

 

“Holy shit, you’re interested in that?

 

“What else do you do?” Kiriko refrained from telling her about her dayjob of drug making and dealing, which was the only way she made money currently.

 

“... I’m drunk, shut up, let’s just go to the basement.”

 

“Basement?”

 

“Yeah, the basement. It’s where I keep all my shit. I’m not gonna spy-backstab you or anyshit while you’re down there.”

 

“Oh no, that’s not the reason for my questioning. I too keep all my personal work in my family basement.” Kiriko stopped the process of unlocking the door

 

“.... How long?”

 

“7 hours or more every day, if I can help it.”

 

“.... Why?”

 

“Besides having work to do far more important than dealing with the mouth-breathing 90% of the planet’s population? I simply have work far more important, and may I add, interesting, than social interaction.” In a sudden burst of energy, Kiriko pulled on the locked-door to her basement, breaking the lock and opening it up. This feat was only half strength, since the wood keeping the lock in place was weak and rotten, but this was an impressive feat none the less. “... Uh-”

 

“GET IN.”

 

“Wha-” Kiriko then maneuvered her way behind Kyoko and began pushing her into the basement. “HEY! HEY!!! NO TOUCHING, GET OFF OF ME!!!!”

 

“GET IN GET IN GET IN GET IN GET IN GET IN.” Excitement overwhelming her over meeting someone who was basically just like her, Kiriko continued to ignore Kyoko’s wishes, and proceeded to keep pushing her into the basement.

 

***

 

“And what’s this? A snowglobe?” Kyoko asked, picking up an odd looking snowglobe Kiriko had lying around the basement.

 

“Uh… Yeah, a self sustaining snowglobe. See the little white things in here after hitting the bottom crawl back to the top automatically… Don’t shake it, the particles might wiggle loose and get out. Trust me, it’s like mosquitoes, but, like, ten times worse, like they try to dig into and crawl under your skin… Also the water is made of a thin bleach.” Kiriko responded, attempting to sound clever and failing miserably.

 

“That… Seems a bit extreme just to have a self-sustaining snowglobe.”

 

“Well it was more or less just another experiment in testing the applications of nanobits to see what they could do.”

 

“Ah. Well, I can certainly respect the effort behind it… Wait, what are nanobits?” Kyoko asked, interest peeking up a bit.

 

“Oh that’s just what I named… One second, just wait here.”

 

“Alright……” Kiriko delved a bit deeper into her basement while Kyoko took a seat at her workbench, placing the snowglobe gently on the table and watching the little snow particles climb up the walls and gently fall off from the ceiling. While Kiriko shuffled around her shit, Kyoko took a larger look around. This basement was honestly huge for the house Kiriko lived in, nearly the size of a whole bowling alley in overall scale. Somehow, Kiriko also put several wooden shelves down here as well, each lined with all forms of weird chemicals that Kyoko questioned whether or not were obtained legally.

 

“AH!” Kiriko said, finding what she was looking for and swiftly walking back to Kyoko. “See, here, this stuff.” Kiriko brought over a large cardboard box. Kyoko leaned over to take a look inside and-

 

“DEAR GOD WHAT IS THAT!?” Kyoko screamed, nearly falling back out of the chair she was in. Within the box was this disturbing little abomination, no bigger than a puppy. It seemed to be a blob of snow with little white reptilian eyes.

 

“Oh yeah, sorry, it’s a little bit… Alive. This is a pile of “mostly” Nanobits, which I made accidentally when trying to make unmelting snow cones. I named the actual monstrosity Sherbert!”

 

“Sh… Sherbert? Kiriko, what is this!?” Kyoko leaned over to take a closer look, the beast snarling as she came ever so slightly closer.

 

“Well, you can’t really see it, but besides the snow, this thing is made of mostly this weird half-skin-half-sentient substance that I, again, call Nanobits.”

 

“Is… Is a cardboard box really enough to keep that thing in?”

 

“You’re missing the point. I’ve made a LIFE out of bleach, snow, and whatever other shit I found lying around the house! Imagine the applications of something from the base of this that wasn’t a flesh hungry monster!” Kiriko hoped Kyoko hadn’t noticed all the illegal chemicals lying around the house.

 

“Well, why not show someone this then? If you’re so su-”

 

“‘Cause if I just show a living snowball to people and say it’s the future of science as we speak, I might be called a mad scientist and thrown into a loony bin for the rest of my life for the safety of everyone.” Kiriko let out a sigh, and began to put Sherbert back in his corner.

 

“Well… Where do we start?” Kiriko did a double take.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“Well, if you can’t show this, then why not at least make a prototype of something, anything, people can use with this sort of tech?”

 

“No, no, I understand that part, I mean you’re just jumping in on my personal work like ‘oh yeah, this is a great idea, let’s do it’. What the hell is your angle here?”

 

“Do I need one? I believe you, Kiriko. I think with enough fine tuning, this could become something people could use, so long as it’s refined into something less.. Well… I guess terrifying. Besides, it’s not like I have anything else going on at the moment.” She reflected back on her family, who were most likely hitting up the local strip club by now. “So how about it?”

 

“….. Well… Uh…. Sure, I guess…” She was trying really, really badly to conceal her excitement. Another violent outburst like before could cause Kyoko to change her mind instantly.

 

“Excellent! So where should we start?”

 

“….. Well, I guess we could start with just… I dunno, your shit maybe?”

 

“Pardon?” Kyoko asked, eyes widening a bit.

 

“I mean… Any randy can just come in here and say ‘Yeah, I can make this better’, but I don’t have a clue about a single thing you’re working on, so… Yeah. Let’s work on that?” The tsundere method always works. “Besides, I need to know what your areas of expertise are anyways.”

 

“I-I…. Uh……” Kyoko began to stutter, the thought of someone being so quick to be… Interested in something Kyoko was working on. Not even her family was all that interested, and even when they were, they couldn’t follow a single thing she said about it. But this girl… She seemed to know her shit, least from what she could gather from being around her. “Sure, alright. Let’s… Let’s do that, but, be aware, not many can follow the… Uh… Complexity.” Kyoko then got off her chair and headed for the way out of the basement.

 

“Where are you going?”

 

“My plans are at home. Are you coming?”

 

“That’s a loaded question.”

 

“What?”

 

“NOTHING, LET’S GO.” Kiriko then dropped whatever shit she had and stormed for the exit, passing Kyoko as she did so.

 

***

 

2 Days Later

 

“And the javelin went clean through Kae! It was rather astounding! If not traumatically disturbing!” Hime chirped as she and the rest of her family, minus Kyoko, escorted Suguri back into their house.

 

“That didn’t hurt, Kae?” Suguri asked, arm over Hime’s shoulder for support.

 

“Course it hurt, but it was FUCKING AWESOME!!!” Kae responded, pounding her fist against the hole in her shirt.

 

“And I’m a king now!!!” Saki boasted, proudly wearing her foam crown.

 

“Well, I’m glad you all had fun.” Suguri responded, tripping a bit upon getting into the doorway. “And where is Kyoko?”

 

“Oh…” Hime started. “She, uh, left on the first day.”

 

“Oh… Well I sorta expected that, she’s not really an outdoors sort of person.”

 

“Yes, I understand that Suguri. Nonetheless, I’m slightly disappointed I couldn’t make it an enthralling experience for her too.”

 

“Don’t take it too hard, she’s always hard to appease. You’ll get her eventually.”

 

“I hope so too.”

 

“You think she’s home right now?”

 

“She’s most likely in the basement. Mind if I put you down for a moment so I may check?”

 

“Not at all.” Hime then escorted Suguri over to the couch as Kae, Saki, and Nanako all ran upstairs to store away their loot and chat about the great time they all had on their 3 day party incursion. Once Suguri was happily resting on the couch, Hime walked over to the basement, and… Heard a voice that wasn’t Kyoko’s… She pressed an ear against the door, and proceeded to eavesdrop like any good mother would.

 

“Nah, they give balloons to all the girls who give the teachers blowsjobs!”

 

“THE BOOK DOES NOT SAY THAT, GIVE IT HERE!!!”

 

“Alright…”

 

“..... OH MY FUCKING GOD, ARE YOU SERIOUS!?”

 

“Dead so.”

 

“DEAR FUCKING LORD, WHAT IS THIS SHIT!?!?”

 

“It’s good stuff, right?”

 

“Damn good stuff, Kyo! Holy crap, you have to lend me this!!!”

 

“Of course. I have Twilight to occupy me anyways.”

 

“Wait, you mean now?”

 

“Yes! Take it. Just make sure not to dog tag it or spill anything on it, or any other forms of damages.”

 

“HOLY SHIT!!! THANK YOU!!! Oh my god, this is gonna be hella tight!”

 

“... Hella?”

 

“It’s a Life is Strange joke.”

 

“... What is ‘Life is Strange’?”

 

“..... OH MY FUCKING GOD. OKAY, SO LIFE IS STRANGE IS THIS STUPID FUCKING-”

 

“Hello?” Hime asked while knocking on the door. “Kyoko? We’re home.”

 

“Shit, is that your mom?”

 

“No- I mean, yes, technically, but… One moment, just stay quiet.”

 

“What, why?”

 

“I don’t know if she’s heard you yet, just stay quiet.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Just stay quiet.”  The sound of Kyoko walking up stairs could be heard, followed by her opening the door. “Hello, Hime.”

 

“Hi…. Who’s down there with you?” Fuck, she knows.

 

“Nobody.” Kyoko responded.

 

“My name isn’t nobody.” Kiriko added in a snarky tone to tease Kyoko.

 

“SHHHH. Nobody is here. Go away.” Kyoko eyed at Hime, attempting to intimidate her.

 

“Oh…. Well I guess I’ll just be on my-” Hime then used ‘binding chains’ and locked Kyoko to the side of the doorway, and walked past her while she was stuck there. “So what is your name if it is not nobody? My name is Hime!”

 

“Oh my god I love this chick already.” Kiriko stated, in awe.

 

“HIME NO.” Kyoko squealed, attempting to break free of the unbreakable chains.

 

“Relax, Kyoko, I simply want to meet your new friend!”

 

“ OH MY GOD YOU’RE EMBARRASSING ME!!!”

 

“Kyoko, relax, I got this.” Kiriko then got off from the wooden chair she was sitting in and made her way over to Hime, back straightened, and reached out her hand. “My name’s Kiriko. It’s a pleasure to meet you, sugar lumps.” Hime then accepted her offer and shook her hand.

 

“Oh… Pardon, but my name isn’t Sugar Lumps, it’s Hime.” Kyoko began sweating, scared Kiriko would not catch onto Hime’s natural obliviousness.

 

“Oh no, I meant sugar lumps as in you had nice tits, it’s a figure of speech.” Kyoko’s squirming intensified 10 fold.

 

“Oh, why thank you! I appreciate the compliment!” Hime responded, blushing a bit, not caring about about the bluntness of Kiriko’s comment. Finally, Hime’s chains wore off, and Kyoko dashed downstairs.

 

“OOOOOOOKAY.” Kyoko stated, pushing Hime away from Kiriko. “WELL, ME AND KIRIKO WERE JUST LEAVING, SO WE’LL JUST-”

 

“Hey hold on, is Kae home?” Kiriko asked Hime.

 

“Yes she is!” Hime responded.

 

“Cool. Kyoko, can I meet her? From what you described she sounds cool as fu-”

 

“NOPE, SORRY, WE HAVE FOOD COOKING AT KIRIKO’S AND WE CAN’T LET THAT BURN HER HOUSE DOWN.”

 

“No we do-”

 

“SORRY HIME, NO TIME TO WASTE.” Kyoko then began dragging Kiriko up the stairs, and towards the exit. “HI SUGURI, WE’RE JUST LEAVING.” Kyoko also said as she passed her.

 

“Who is that?” Suguri asked, staring at Kiriko as she was whisked away by Kyoko.

 

“UNIMPORTANT BYYYYYYYYE.” Kyoko then left the house with Kiriko, slamming the door behind her. There was a somewhat uneasy silence for a moment as both Suguri and Hime stared at the closed door, until Suguri broke it by asking.

 

“Who the hell was that and why was she in our house?” She asked, attempting to get up from off the couch, but her weakness immediately showing as she stumbled right back onto the it.

 

“I… I think it was a friend of Kyoko’s.” Hime replied. Suguri instantly raised a brow.

 

“Kyoko doesn’t have any friends.” … There was a silence after she said that for a few seconds before she corrected herself. “That did not come out right at all, I mean she didn’t have many friends outside this house-”

 

“No no, I understand what you said Suguri.” Hime replied in a somewhat hushed voice, staring down the closed door Kyoko had exited out of with almost dead eyes.

 

“Oh jeez, Hime, I didn’t mean to say it like that, I know you’re nervous about Kyoko, and how she acts, that was really-”

 

“She made a friend.” Hime mumbled.

 

“What was that?”

 

“SHE MADE A FRIEND!!!!!” In a sudden flash of energy, Hime, blade wings fully springing into being, light-speed tackled the weak Suguri on the couch, and began hugging her with enough power to snap her spine if she were a mere human. This act of violent love also snapped a few of the couch’s feet in the process, causing it to crumble entirely to the floor.

 

“OH GOD, HIME, I’M NOT READY FOR THIS YET, PLEASE STOP!!!” Suguri began begging, lightly papping Hime on the back in a vein attempt to struggle.

 

“SHE MADE A FRIEND SHE MADE A FRIEND SHE MADE A FRIEND SHE MADE A FRIEND SHE MADE A FRIEND!!!!!!!!” She hysterically cried into Suguri’s shoulder, grip tightening with every repeat.

 

“I CAN’T BREATH, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HIME, STOOOP!!!” However, Hime did not stop. In fact, she continued to do this for roughly 10 more minutes, chanting about how Kyoko had a friend until Kae and Nanako had to forcefully rip her off of Suguri before she could potentially kill her on accident.



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