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Reviews for ARAAT2: Eclipse - Part 2

By : Breech_Loader

From ANON - BZLF on June 04, 2006
Ahh, a little pain never hurt anyone now did it?
I'm hoping it'll come down to Super vs Super or Super vs Normal. Just imagine what would happen should Insane Shadow get ahold of the Seven Chaos Emeralds?! IMAGINE IT I SAY! Perhaps have Eclipse go Super and beat the snot out of his dad if Shadow gets to be to much trouble. Think of all the possibilitys!
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From ANON - Terminus Est on June 04, 2006
Pretty damn good fic, the best Sonic one on AFF, although you really don't have much competition in that regard. It's suspenseful, at times moving, and its sex scenes avoid being gross like most of the other ones on AFF. With that aside, I will pull out my red pen and start analyzing.
th
First off, you sure like it dark. Very, very, very dark. And just when I think it can't get worse, it does. This isn't just a dark fic, this is a slit-your-wrists-and-watch-the-blood-drain-out dark fic. But at the same time it avoids being wangsty.

The GUN should be toned down a bit. They're soldiers, not evil mustache-twirling supervillains. What they did to Shadow is gratuitously cruel to say the least. It wasn't experimentation, it was pure torture, intended to cause suffering above all else (don't tell me they actually needed all those biopsies and spikes and other brutality to get the information they wanted). Furthermore, the games suggest that the world is ruled by a democratic government with rule of law, which would make the GUN's actions crimes against humanity. Who are these monsters accountable to? Where's the investigations? Where's the press? There should be firings all over the top ranks of the GUN for this outrage.

What works in a game may not work in a story. Don't even bother naming Amy's hammer attacks; just say that she hit someone with her hammer. And (except for Sonic and Shadow's powers, which can't be explained away) try to keep things at least a little realistic. Saying that Amy pulls her hammer out of thin air instead of keeping it somewhere handy nearby breaks suspension of disbelief and drags the reader out of the story. You're writing a fictional narrative, not a video game storyline.

I know you first learned about Sonic through the Fleetway comics, but unless it's Fleetway-based fanfiction, please don't make Sonic an asshole. He might be lazy, full of himself, and a little irresponsible, but he's also very kind and would NEVER hurt his friends (never mind rape them). And besides, since everyone's six years older and Sonic is thus 21 years old, he should have grown up a bit anyway. ANd the idea of Sonic the cutter still doesn't compute, since one of his defining characteristics is an upbeat, positive nature.

You're just killing us with these mysterious people that keep popping up in Shadow's dreams. Who are they? What do they know? What do they want? The teasing makes me itch!

Those criticisms aside, this is a fine story and easily one of the best Sonic fics I've read. I eagerly await the next update.
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From ANON - Funk Man on June 03, 2006
This is my first review but Harley you definetly already know me. As for the story words cannot describe how awesome this story is. You were born to write, hell I hate reading, I REALLY HATE READING, but your story has me hooked anyway that shows an example of how awesome this story is. I've read the other stories on AFF Secret Affair by kittynakajimax is really good too it's got me attached but it's still not as good as ARAAT1,2, and perhaps 3. One last thing though just to let you know I would have reviewed sooner but the review link didn't work on the main page. Well I guess that's it keep up the good work!
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From ANON - McKnight on June 03, 2006
How come Omega was never in this fic? I can understand why Blaze didn't appear, because she lives in another universe, but Omega was allied specifically with Shadow (and Rouge), and in Shadow the Hedgehog, appeared in Iron Jungle and Lava Shelter. Nothing was ever specified as to what happened to him. Mainly, I'd like to know why he was never invited to visit Amy and Shadow in the hospital.
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From HeartOfDarkness on May 31, 2006
It's been awhile since I saw this. I wish I could have seen it sooner but lets just say I got lost when the site changed.
I just spent the last few hours going threw the last nine chapters and it's turned out very well and I can't wait to hear what comes next. I wonder whats going to happen to Eclipse, he was put threw a lot with GUN, it should have some effect on him soon. And when will Shadow go back to the ARK. It was hinted but hasn't happened yet. Are you saving that for part 3?
Anyway, always good to see yous guys and I hope the next chapter turns out just as great as the last and better.

HeartOfDarkness.
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From ANON - N/A on May 28, 2006
Your hopes are unfulfilled. I have yet to squirm, injury however, is my strong suit. If I can vividly imagine the effects of a mercury bullet detonating somebodies skull and feel no ill effects, a burnt/knifed hand and bruising is hardly scary. Still, kudos to you for acknowledging Shadows drugs, though I think the chapter could've done with a few other events for length.

I am also forced to echo Shades comments. Though the quality of your writing continues to improve, the general story is beggining to suffer. It seems to me that your chapters are becoming too centred on single events, and particular characters. A nod at Amy's POV during this one would have worked greatly to alleviate the 'problem', and drawn the chapter away from being centred entirely on the event. Also, it would've plain added length.

Putting such gripes aside, the work continues to prove inspiring though.
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From ANON - Shade on May 28, 2006
You're definitely keeping things moving - hell, merely keeping the fic running is more than many others have achieved. To be honest, though, you sound like you're running out of ideas - with all the hubbub of ARaaT pt1, you sound like you're falling back onto violence for the sake of violence as a substitute for plot in this second part.
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From ANON - Dark Angel Murdoc on May 27, 2006
Yet again, another awe inspiring installment. I knew something just didn't feel right with the previous two chapters. Nobody really got messed up to no end and was a little too peaceful. Well, compared to everything one sees when they read the story anyway.

As for this latest chapter, it seems as the drugs slowly leave his system, his reaction gets worse. Before, he was just having intense nightmares that challenged his sense of reality...but now he is acting out his nightmares. On that note...when a very disturbed hedgehog tells you to run when he is on the verge of flipping out, never question him! I don't doubt that his nightmare would have come true if Amy didn't make it into the bathroom.

As for your previous chapters, although not in the norm of what we have seen lately, it was very well done. Clich� or not, it's nice to read something filled with heart warming scenes and the like, long as it isn't overdone. Though it doesn't last long as one can see...and I still think something is about to throw a wrench into their happiness, other than Shadow himself.

Oh, just so ya know, I used the whole conversation thing with characters and what not at the end of my 4th chapter. One of my friends uses that on their deviantART as well, but I just wanted to give ya a heads up. Didn't know if that would bug ya or not, but I find it makes things a little more interesting ^_^

Anyway, can't wait to see the next chapter!

~Dark Angel Murdoc~
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From ANON - Katina on May 26, 2006
Wow... it seems your writing skills are at the peak of its best and theres no stopping it! I enjoy reading your story, it gets more intensive as you keep going. i have come to love Shadamy now ^^ lol, well, keep it up! Hope the happy couple will have a good rest before you dish something else that may involve torture of any kind =P

Keep up the aweosme work!
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From ANON - N/A on May 21, 2006
Y'know, I think this is probably your worst chapter yet. For one thing, it 'feels' short. For two, it's going too far in a direction you've already taken: Break up, get back together as soon as the characters talk. Where is the suspicion? The running-high emotions blocking reasonable thought?

For three: It just feels... off, with the rest of the story. I await the next, hopefully better, chapter with bated breath.
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From ANON - H�ous on May 14, 2006
Well, this is a timeless clich� indeed: Protagonist walks in on girlfriend/fianc�/spouse making out/having sex/playing twister with Evil Twin/Plumber/TV Repair Man/Plot Device. Protagonist gets angry, makes an anger-laden speech to his unfaithful/misunderstood girlfriend/fianc�/spouse, and runs off into the day/night. Protagonist thinks a lot, eventually encounters a Bar Fly/Drunken Hobo/Old Sage/Plot Device with a lot of life experience that turns his thoughts around, and allows him to go back to his girlfriend/fianc�/spouse.

But, knowing you two, you hopefully won't follow that tired old path and will put a twist on this clich�. Hopefully the Voice of Reason will catch up with Shadow sooner or later and explain that he shouldn't take things at face value and assume that it's the truth -- After all, assume makes an ass out of you and me. Looking forward to the next installment.
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From ANON - BZLF on May 14, 2006
In the words of Sonic, "Oh FUCK!". I knew, I just KNEW someone was going to see them.
And I suppose that replacing Shadow with Sonic in the last few chaptors would work. Interesting backstory for Amys life there. I look forward to your next update, and have fun screwing with Shadows mind somemore!
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From kittynakajima on May 13, 2006
Wow. It's been awhile since I left you a review concerning this story, seeing as how AFF.net has had its updating/revamping glitches....

But anyway, this story is even better than from where you left off previously (before the server change). All the description you put into it really shows, because I really feel like I'm watching this in the story's setting from a third person's view, rather than just sitting at my computer and reading it.

You also kick some serious ass in the character development department, particularly with the way you recently elaborated on Amy Rose's little known past - such a tramatic thing as having a relative, let alone a parent indulging in a dangerous pasttime such as self-mutilation is life altering. In some cases, it just leads to a generations within one family of the same, but in others, it can stop right there with one reflecting upon it as being rock bottom and going out of their way to avoid it, as Amy apparently wants to do from what you've relayed.

Also, some shit definitely hit the fan with that twist you threw into the end of the last chapter by having Shadow walk in on Sonic and Amy like that. While it's all good for Sonic, it's totally something to worry about concerning the latter, especially given Shadow's current condition and the well being of their son.

Anyway, I think I'm rambling, so I'll cut it off at here. Just thought I'd let you know that you're doing a wonderful job (as always), and can't wait for the next installment of the story.
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From ANON - AntwerpsRule on May 11, 2006
Forgive me if I'm brief, but I am too tired to be anything else right now.

Is it just me, or does it feel like Sonic was Allowed to escape? For Shadow's exodus, it took a great deal of effort, with Sonic however, it was a simpler task. Mabey it looks like that because his getting out was one chapter, or the fact that this is the sort of thing that Espio would be able to handle better than the others, but there it is.
hmmmmm... Sonic wanting Rouge to be there made me blink. I'm keeping my thoughts to myself simply because they havent really come together yet.
haha, Espio knows that Sonics a cutter. I'm waiting for Tails or perhaps nope, not saying a damn thing. My second choice isn't even remotly funny.
Anyhoo, I'm to damn tired to go on.

Respectfully yours;
AntwerpsRule
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From ANON - H�ous on May 11, 2006
Once again, I'm going to have to disagree with BZLF. Sonic's already suffering; his mistake alienated all of his friends from him except for Tails, and trust me when I say that emotional pain is just as bad as physical pain. He doesn't need anybody else to punish him because he's doing a swell job of punishing himself.

As for this chapter, I'm glad to see Sonic's out of Prison Island alright and without too much damage. I hope that in the coming chapters he'll learn to live with his mistakes and move on with his life. I'm hoping he'll eventually return to being the hero once again, but perhaps without the ego and arrogance that led him to his mistakes.

Something tells me that GUN isn't going to give up their hunt just yet. They'll probably still go after Shadow, Sonic and Eclipse in an attempt to get them back. Until then, Shadow's most likely to suffer more hallucinations, possibly of the two experiments that are still on ARK. After he's better, he may go up there and try to rescue them...

Thanks for giving me the writer's itch back, I've finally gotten over my writer's block and am now writing again. I'm looking forward to the next installment.
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