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Can't Let You Go	By : Ellynndaria Category: +A through F > Dragon Age (all) > Dragon Age (all) Views: 7633 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: We do not own Dragon Age, nor the characters from it. We do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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                That Friday, Anders chuckled, already holding his small bag for the weekend and looking over Douglas from his doorway. Somehow the other man seemed more dressed up than his standard, even though Anders couldn't place a finger on it. "Is this dressed up enough?" he asked of his own attire, khakis and a dark green button-down.
                Douglas looked at him with a smile, "You’re perfect."
                Anders blushed slightly as lips brushed across his faintly heated cheek as the bag was collected from him. "What is this about, anyway?"
                Douglas just smiled widely. "You'll see."
                Anders shook his head, grabbing the back of Douglas' neck and pulled him in for a kiss as he started to move away. After, Anders chuckled, "Good thing I am a sucker for surprises." Taking the offered hand, they walked to the waiting car. "You're not driving tonight?"
                "No." Douglas said simply before ushering his lover into the opened door.
                "Oh." Anders was proud to have only sounded mildly disappointed; he really enjoyed their private drives.
                Douglas smiled, snuggling close in the backseat after depositing the bag in the trunk. "Do not worry, love. I have no plans for tomorrow if you wish to go for a drive before heading to the club." A hand slid between slim thighs, "But we already have all the privacy required here if there was something else on your mind."
                Anders smirked at having been so easily read. "I don’t know. When you drive things are typically one sided…"
                "Are you trying to pose yet another test of my driving abilities?"
                Anders shook his head in denial. "I must say though, it was a first for someone to actually speed up."
                Douglas nuzzled his neck, "Mmm, the two things that make my heart race the most combined into one. I'm surprised I didn't die instantly; I have a weak heart, you know."
                The burst of laughter that followed that statement took them both by surprise. Douglas pulled away with a bemused smirk on his face and Anders quickly tried to contain his mirth. "I am sorry, love, but that had to be one of the funniest things I had heard in my life. You? A weak heart?"
                Douglas was still smirking himself, "Well, that's what the doctors said."
                Anders gave a lopsided grin, "What do doctors know?"
                Douglas' smile spread, "That's what I said." He pulled Anders into him this time, placing a kiss against his forehead and idly passing the car ride with chatter about the ending of their workdays and light cuddles.
                The car stopped before Anders realized where they were, and he looked around before he looked back at Douglas. "I can't eat here."
                Douglas looked concerned at the response, "Why not, love? I thought you said you wished to."
                Anders looked back at the fancy French restaurant, the best one in the city and shook his head again. "I am not dressed for it," leaving out the fact he never would be able to afford to be.
                Douglas' expression softened, "You look fine. Don't worry about it."
                "Fine will not do here. People will stare," Anders said forcefully.
                Douglas shook his head, "No, they won't."
                "But…"
                "Trust me." Douglas placed a gentle hand on his cheek, "Please?"
                Anders regarded him a few moments looking as if he wished to object further but instead said, "Alright."
                Douglas exited the car, giving Anders a little tug so he would follow and he didn't let go of the blonde's hand as they entered the building. Anders looked very uncomfortable, but Douglas outwardly ignored it, only running his thumb soothingly across the back of the doctor's hand.
                The maitre d' gave a genuine smile at his newest guests and if he was offended at all by Anders' attire he did not show it; fact being the blonde could have shown up in a burlap sack and no one would have flinched in the slightest, not with Douglas at his side. "Monsieur Hawke, what a pleasure to see you again. I was so pleased to see you name on the list for this evening."
                "The pleasure is mine, as always."
                The other man beamed, "May I ask of your friend? I do not recall meeting him before." Douglas turned to his man proudly, introducing the two. Anders was still slightly awkward, but he was starting to relax. Once the pleasantries were over, the maitre d' said, "Allow me to show you to your table."
                The tables were not like that of a normal restaurant, all bunched together to cram as many people as the building could handle, but these were more spread apart to allow for privacy. They were shown to the back, away from the other guests and presented with their menus. The staff, of course, were gushing over one of their best customers, but they knew enough to stay away for the most part.
                Anders looked over the menu, but his eyebrow rose due to the fact it was all in French. "Am I supposed to read this?"
                Douglas smiled. "They do not except it, no."
                Anders' brow furrowed at the written words, "But yet they gave it to me anyway."
                "Should they naturally assume you could not?" Douglas raised an eyebrow of his own.
                Anders' eyes darted across the table, a quick, agitated retort on his tongue, but he swallowed it back down with a sigh. "I suppose not."
                Douglas gave another reassuring smile before looking back at his menu. While he was studying it, he heard muttering from across the table. He looked up to see Anders deep in concentration, trying to pronounce the words of the menu, and doing surprisingly well if not brokenly. As the doctor grew more frustrated, his accent kicked in and Douglas tried not to melt at how adorable it all was.
                Anders finally looked up, dropping his menu to the table in defeat and catching Douglas watching him. "I guess you'll just have to order for me."
                Douglas frowned slightly. "Do you wish to leave, love? I did not want to make you uncomfortable."
                Anders blinked, Douglas was clearly pained by the reactions he was getting and the blonde's shoulders slumped slightly. "No. I just wished you would have gave me a little more warning before bringing me to a place like this."
                Douglas discarded his own menu, "I'm sorry. I wanted to do something special for us, and I thought of this."
                Anders relaxed back into a smile. "You are always doing something special for us."
                Douglas looked at him a second before shaking his head, "That is different." He looked down at the table. "We've been officially together a month and I just wanted to celebrate that fact."
                Anders was surprised. "You wanted to celebrate being a couple after a month?"
                Douglas slumped himself, "It's stupid, isn't it?"
                An appropriate response did not present itself immediately, but when it did it was breathy and flattered, "No. I think it is amazing you wish to celebrate what most people take for granted."
                Douglas drew small circles on the table with a manicured nail, still not looking up. "It's just… a big deal for me, is all. After being alone for so long, being with you is like a celebration for me every day; I just wanted you to feel the same."
                Anders reached out and grabbed the fidgeting hand. "I can't help but feel the same. No one has ever treated me like you do."
                Blue eyes finally looked up, and Douglas shook his head. "How can anyone help treating you anything but special?"
                Amber eyes shone brightly before Anders lunged forward, giving Douglas an unexpected kiss. The partner on the receiving end was startled at first but eagerly returned the sign of affection. When the blonde reclaimed his seat, Douglas chuckled, "Get over the idea of people staring, did you?"
                "Let them stare. They should all be jealous at how happy we are."
                Douglas smirked, "What if they are just as happy?"
                Anders shook his head with a smirk of his own, speaking in French himself, "Impossible."
                Douglas smiled widely, "Look at you, in here for 15 minutes and speaking the language already."
                "I may have retained a word or two from high school; not that that one was hard to remember."
                Douglas chuckled, giving the hand still in his a squeeze. They discussed what they felt like eating before a waiter was summoned and while they waited for their food, Douglas started shifting around nervously again.
                Anders looked at him amused but slightly afraid of the answer to the question he was about to ask, "What is it?"
                "I, uhh… Got you something."
                "…Okay…" Anders responded with a bit of trepidation.
                "I wasn't sure I should, I wanted to, but then I thought it would be too much if I did and…"
                Anders chuckled, cutting off the rambling, "What is it?"
                Douglas dug around in an inner pocket, digging out a flat, gift wrapped package and placed it on the table in front of Anders.
                The blonde looked at it, wondering what it could be; it was about the size of a wallet or maybe a bracelet box, a watch? "Can I open it now?"
                "Of course."
                Anders let go of Douglas' hand finally to open his gift, surprised to find a smart phone looking back at him nestled within the lining tissue paper. "You got me a phone?"
                "Well, I had a minor issue with mine, and when I went to replace it, I thought maybe I should get you one, too. I saw that one you were carrying around, and if it wasn't on its last legs, it was about to be." Douglas shrugged, "Plus your bill had to have gone up with as much as we communicate when we can't be together."
                Anders didn't acknowledge the truth in the last statement. "I can't accept this, it is too much."
                "Why is it too much?"
                "I know how much this thing costs, plus a plan to go with it." Anders shook his head, not wanting to admit he had longed for this very model, but couldn't afford it. Not that Douglas would have known that, he just had good taste.
                "It is a gift; what does the cost matter?" He dug out his own phone, "And I bought myself the same thing, why do you deserve any less?"
                "It just… can't. Alright?"
                "It is just a gift. I don't understand why you can't."
                "Because I can't buy it myself. It feels like charity." Anders was slightly disgruntled at what seemed like a foreign concept to the other man and it was expressed in his tone.
                Douglas swallowed, before he collected the phones, placing them back in his pockets. "Oh. I apologize. I didn't think about it that way. I just thought our phones needed replacing and what better way to be able to continue to talk to you without having to worry about bills." Why didn't he think about it that way? Had he become so used to money himself that he forgot what it was like not to have it? Or was it because when he didn't no one was rushing out to buy him anything fancy to know how he would feel about it.
                Anders groaned miserably, "Oh God, don't look like that."
                Douglas looked up, a bit startled. "Like what?"
                "All crushed."
                Douglas checked himself. "Again, I apologize."
                Anders was slightly disturbed at how quickly the hurt expression vanished, not sure what he disliked more, Douglas sad or seemingly emotionless besides distant and charming. He grabbed up his wine glass, taking a long draw from it and trying to figure out how to get past this current mess.
                Anders wasn't the only one wracking his brain for something to say. The food was brought during the awkward silence but Douglas was having a hard time choking down what was as normal, delightful food. He set aside his fork, "Look. I didn't think about cost when I bought the phone, it was nonissue. The only money I considered was how much I want to talk to you as compared to the actual ability to. I want to be that sappy couple who falls asleep with their phones to their ears and not have to worry about the minutes, because it would make my bed feel so much less empty than having to hang up and go to sleep alone. I know it's only 5 nights and probably only hours since I had seen you last…" Douglas groaned, picking up his fork and shoving at his food. "I'm not helping; now I just sound like a creepy idiot."
                Anders had paused to look at the other man when asked even though Douglas was not looking back but at his plate. The frown had returned, much to Anders' great relief, suddenly realizing he liked it much better than not. "It's not creepy to miss the man you love. I miss you, too. And you are in no way, shape or form an idiot." Anders sighed. "Maybe I responded too quickly to the gift. Just like money's a nonissue for you, it's always an issue for me. Truth is, I wanted that phone, but I couldn't afford it and sometime I resent that fact. Most days, I'm okay with it, but occasionally you have a bad day and then you see something you wish you could have and then wonder why you don't."
                "You don't have to explain yourself to me. I should have asked first."
                "But I do need to explain it. You tried to genuinely do something nice, and I threw it back in your face." Anders looked at his own food, wondering how he could have turned something so perfect into such a wreck. "I see so many bad things at the clinic, and some days you are the only bright spot in it. Those hours from one dinner to the next day's lunch can seem like an entirety."
                Douglas smiled slightly, "The days you call on your 'coffee break'?"
                Anders looked up then, giving a little lopsided grin and a small nod. "And heaven forbid you miss one in a day… I know you are busy sometimes and I find ways to deal with it but sometimes…"
                "Is everything alright, sir?" Their young waiter asked.
                Douglas looked up at the waiter slightly miffed, but the man was wringing his hands and looking over their nearly untouched plates, apologizing for the interruption but wishing to fix any mistake made on their part. Douglas relaxed, explaining everything was wonderful as always which set off a bright relieved smile on the young man's face and they were thanked profusely before the waiter trotted off. "You were saying?"
                Anders shook his head, "It doesn't matter, really, I was just rambling. It really was a thoughtful gift now that I think about it."
                Douglas smiled before it twisted into a smirk, "We should get back to eating before the food police come back. They can be worse than my mother sometimes."
                The small twinge of sadness that crossed Douglas' features did not go unnoticed, but Anders agreed wordlessly as he smiled back, draining the wine glass in front of him as he noticed the waiter coming back to fill it.
                The rest of the meal passed uneventfully, changing to lighter topics of conversation before they headed back out into the summer night and the waiting car. Anders cleared his throat, asking quietly, "Can we just go back to the estate tonight?"
                Douglas looked at his lover slightly confused, but something was off and he didn't question the request, "Of course, love." He relayed the information to the driver and directed the proper phone calls be made for his absence.
                Once in the back seat, Douglas pulled Anders into his lap, just cuddling him there, getting the feeling the other man needed it but that he also didn't exactly trust the piece of partitioning glass that kept passengers' business separate from bodyguard and driver's.
                When again safely behind Douglas' closed bedroom door, they undressed and did what they had longed to do all week, just be close to one another. The blonde was cuddled tight against Douglas' chest, the embrace somewhat needier than it ever had been, and strong arms couldn’t help but hold him tighter still. "Anders?"
                "Yes?"
                "You know I would never intentionally hurt you, right?"
                "I know."
                "I may occasionally do something stupid, but I assure you it would never be on purpose. You make me happier than I have been in a very long time, I don't ever want to screw that up."
                "You make me very happy, too. I just… overreacted. Next time, we'll talk first and hopefully avoid the blow up."
                Douglas kissed the top of the blond hair, "Alright, love."
                Fingertips lightly ran across the muscled chest below Anders' cheek, "If it's not too late, I would like to accept your gift. The thought now that I passed up the chance to do this on some level every night… I don't think I can bear it."
                Douglas squeezed him a little tighter, "Of course, it isn't too late."
                Anders nodded before shifting, rolling over on his back, and tugging at Douglas' arm to indicate he wanted him to follow. Legs spread as Douglas did as directed, and he settled in-between the invitation and he set to work to bash all dark thoughts with contented sighs.
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Can't Let You Go