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Shadow of Destiny: The script of sarcasm	By : Shenai Category: -Misc Video Games/RPGs > Walkthroughs/Hints/Spoilers Views: 1697 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the game that this fanfiction is written for, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 2
- 3
- 4
Disclaimer: If I owned Shadow of Destiny would I be writing fanfiction about it? Use your brain.

Note: All comments and criticism (of the constructive persuasion) are appreciated and welcomed. Enjoy all those who take the time out to read this!

Chapter 2.

(Last time in Shadow of Destiny, Eike had become the anonymous town hero by saving their beloved bar and of less importance, himself. This chapter starts out with a shot of Dana, running presumably towards our lovely protagonist as romantic lovey dovey music starts to play in the background. Eike is just sort of wandering around the Public Square in a daze, just waiting for another chance to be killed off. He looks up as Dana runs towards him, all eager to be asked out.)

Dana: Sir! (Runs up to him) Oh, good. I wasn�t sure whether I�d find you.

Eike: I�m sorry...? Oh, didn�t I leave enough for the coffee?

Dana: Oh, no, that was all right. (Reaches into her pocket and produces a red stone.) Here, you forgot this. It is yours, right?

Eike: Huh? (Brilliant Tidus impression Eike. That was uncanny.)

Dana: It�s such a gorgeous stone, like a jewel or something... It gives me a funny feeling to look at it. If you make it into a necklace, I bet it would look great on a lot of girls. (Uh, hint, hint nudge, nudge, wink, wink Eike?)

Eike: Well, ah � this isn�t mine.

Dana: What? B-b-but, I checked with the other customers... hmmm... Well, whose is it, then?

Eike: (Disappointed.) So... you came looking for me just to give me that?

Dana: Ah � well, my shift�s over anyway and I thought maybe I�d just try looking around, see whether I could give it back... (Puts stone back in her pocket and then scrambles for another reason to stick around. She finds it.) Oh, I almost forgot, what about this...? Did I strike out on this one too? (Holds up a lighter and I fall in love with Eike because he smokes.)

Eike: No, this lighter IS mine. Thanks.

Dana: *Smiles thrilled that she�s done her one good deed for the century and hands it to him* You�re welcome. But... I�m always the one running these kinds of errands... *Stretches* I feel so tired.

Eike: You can�t be tired from something that simple. There�s a lot of people out there whose lives are a lot tougher. Mm, like me... (Wank, wank, wankity wank Mr. Angst.)

Dana: (Laughs) You�re an interesting guy. (That�s one way of looking at it.)

Eike: My names Eike. Hey, how about it � (Whoa, not jumping the gun or anything is he?) should I make you a necklace with this red stone? (Oh, I thought he meant... never mind.) I may not look it, but I�m pretty good with my hands. (I love it when the scriptwriters add the sexual sub-text for me. This statement therefore needs no help whatsoever to be conveyed into a sick and highly inappropriate joke.)

Dana: (Missing this completely.) Really...?

Eike: Tomorrow. I�ll make it for you tomorrow. Should I meet you at the coffee shop?

Dana: (Looking happy, as would anyone be in her shoes.) Ah, uh-huh. I�m there all day tomorrow.

Eike: Great. I�ll see you then, tomorrow.

(Okay... I want you all to take note. Eike just asked Dana out on a date. This is the first time I have ever seen such a situation in a game before. It�s so beautiful! Oh yeah, and I�m an Eike/Dana shipper. You�d think I�d be an Eike/Homunculus shipper but to be perfectly honest, I can�t see them as a couple. Eike is too straight and Homunculus... I�m still trying to decide whether he is a girl or a guy with boobs. It�s hard to tell with him. If Homy were anything I would say he was bi, because he just seems the sort that would sleep with anyone to manipulate them for his own benefit. Okay, class dismissed!)

(Eike and Dana stand under the tree chatting each other up and exchanging sexual subtext, when suddenly the creepy music starts up again. We already have the general gist now right folks. Of course, Eike gets knifed again and dies. Dana screams because now he can�t make her a necklace and Eike pops back up in the Limb.)

(In the Limb.)

MV: It looks like there�s someone hiding behind a tree... And that someone is out to get you. Now, how do you suppose you can prevent that? (Okay and how was that helpful? Even I can tell that without you having to say a God damn... wait... why am I getting upset? This is MV talking for crying out loud. In light of the soul sucking wench I am about to be exposed to I�d much rather prefer to hang around in the Limb listening to MV exposit useless and totally unnecessary information. But as luck would have it, Eike is now revived and we�re off down the Swirly Vortex O� Love again.)

(Once Eike pops back out of the Swirly wormhole of Star Trek fans everywhere he finds himself back outside the cafe where Dana works. The Boss is there, fixing a chalk sign or something so naturally I make Eike talk to him.)

Boss: Oh, you came back for the stuff you forgot. I made Dana go out to look for you. She said she�d try the Town Square.

(Well at least we now know why Eike was wandering amiably about the Square. With this mystery solved and 100 more to go I make Eike go back to the square and the exact same scene that happens before takes place. Only difference is that the Digipad beeps when he and Dana finish talking. If you try to leave the following happens.)

Dana: What�s the matter? Are you going somewhere?

Eike: Uh...no... (Looks back at the tree and thinks to himself.) Is there someone after me? Behind the tree?

(After you try to leave again this conversation happens.)

Dana: Ah, um, I�m � ah...

Eike: Oh, you�re Dana right?

Dana: What?

Eike: At least that�s what I heard your boss call you. (In light of the other things he probably calls her, it�s lucky that Eike heard her real name and not one of her more colorful... titles.)

Dana: Oh, so you heard him talking. I�m, ah, sorry if I kept you. It�s been a while since I got to talk to someone new and I just feel like we�ve met before, Eike... (Oh God. How many times has this line been used to indicate romantic soul mate connections? Oh yeah. Only four thousand five hundred and twenty-seven. Exactly.)

Eike: Really? (Ooh, yeah, he knows his gonna get some.)

Dana: Really. Oops � sorry... Am I just kind of gabbing by myself?

Eike: No, no you�re not.

(There are other conversation options here but that involves dying a few times, so I�m just gonna leave it there and use the Digipad. It picks up Eike, but it also picks up Dana and they both get sucked into the wormhole. But not before Eike gets a good look up Dana�s skirt as she sort of tips backwards. Thank you fanservice. Almost forgotten about you.)

(Next scene: 400 years ago in the city square where some women are terrorizing a teenage girl. Amazingly enough the two women and the little girl are the exact same character models from 2001. Okay... now either the family�s genetics haven�t altered a jot in 400 years, the game designers are lazy or they have a weird sense of humor. I�m going with that second option. Behind the clones, in a wooden cage thingy there is a woman chained up with a mask on as punishment for what must have been some wicked deed. If it helps the year is: 1580.)

Old woman: Well, you have a nerve my girl!

Middle aged woman: Really! What with that one being punished yesterday too. What is it that you don�t understand? What�s so difficult about being more quiet-like?

Old woman: *Gesturing to the girl in the cage* Dressing above one�s station is an offense, you know. Do you want to be punished, like that woman? (What? The girl was punished for dressing strangely? I�d be dead then.)

Teenage Girl: (Who has a resemblance to Satan�s wife and talks like her too. Oh God, I just know I�m going to love her.) What�s wrong with wearing what one likes? And this dress is one of my quieter ones. (Jesus in a jam jar, I can only imagine what the other dresses are like.) Really, good ladies, you�d like to wear this kind of a dress yourself, wouldn�t you? (Does a twirl as if to show off the dress. Dear sweet savour make it stop.)

Old woman: (Liking the thought of her breasts hanging out the top of her dress as much as I do.) Well, I never! A little neighborly advice and she sasses me! All right, we�ll have the law down here!

Little girl: That�s right, you tell her!

Teenage girl: Oh that�s not very pleasant, is it? (To say the least.) Come on, let�s just let this pass, all right?

Old woman: (Grinning creepily like her 2001 counterpart.) Well then, in exchange for us not telling the law, you�ll make us dresses for free.

Middle aged woman: Right that is! You�re a seamstress you are.

Little girl: That�s right, you tell her. You�ll make me one too.

(The teenage girl runs a short distance away, mentally cursing them for trying to ruin her newly manicured nails and wondering whether anything short of a jackhammer can solve her immediate labor problems.)

Teenage girl: Oh dear � I don�t see how I could do a thing like that... (Twirls her hair like a complete bimbo. Geez I�ve only heard a few lines of dialogue from her and I hate her already.)

Old woman: We�re doing this just to be obliging, now.

(Suddenly Eike appears from nowhere and plonks down between them and the teenage girl. The other women cry out in shock.)

Old woman: W-what are you!

Teenage girl: Who are you? (Starts checking him out. Oh Jesus Christ, it�s the Mary Sue!!)

Watchman: *Trundles up* What�s this? It�s dark already. Get yourselves home, everyone.

Old woman: Fetch a � oh! Sir! This man just suddenly... I see now! It was you! (the teenage girl.) This little girl called for help. Wicked little slyest! The hussy! Sir, you must arrest her at once! (What the fuck?! Arrest her because some random dickhead fell from the sky? I wouldn�t put it past her to summon daemon�s quite frankly but I think she could do better than Eike. Jesus Christ the only thing this guy can kill is his pride.)

Teenage girl: What! Why should you think a thing like that! (OMG, we�re actually thinking along the same lines. I have to go commit some suicide now.)

(The watchman walks up to them and shines his lantern in Eike�s face. Eike covers his pretty face, hoping the harsh glares wont make his eyes water and his mascara run.)

Watchman: What�s this now? What are you doing here?

(Eike just stares at him intelligently as the scene slowly fades out. It reopens on everyone just sort of standing around waiting for the law to turn up or something like that. Eike can take control of the situation by scaring everyone with either his phone or his lighter. In this example I chose the lighter because it makes the most sense.)

Eike: *Pulls out the lighter and flicks it on*

Watchman: Lord Almighty! *Falls on his ass*

Women: Eeeeek! (They reel away as though they�ve never seen anything so frightening in their lives. Hello... the Mary Sue is standing right there.)

Old woman: Fire from his hand!

Eike: (Deep commanding voice he must have practised in his mirror at home. Those public speaking classes are really paying off, aye Eikey-boy?) Listen carefully! Stop bothering this woman and go home! If you do as I say, no harm will come to you � this time.

Old woman: S-sir... Mr. Watchman, sir...

Watchman: (Crawling around like an epileptic crab and bumbling like an idiot. He doesn�t seem capable of taking control of the situation in any event.) B-b-b-but...this... w-w-wha...

Eike: And you will keep what happened here a secret. Understand?

Watchman: Y-yes... Everyone, give your word.

Old woman: I p-promise. Forgive us, please.

Little girl: Please.

Watchman: ...hmm, ah... Will that be ah, all...? If it is, ah, you could perhaps go away now. And everyone, g-g-go home too. Godspeed.

(Women all run off in fear of the mighty power of Eike. The Watchman makes sure they�re off safely then he too pisses off.)

Teenage girl: Oh, thank you � you�ve saved me... (From... making dresses? ... Oh Eike! You�re my hero!!) But who are you...?

Eike: No, nobody you need to be afraid of. But enough about that, did you see a girl? She�s about your age-?

Teenage girl: (Instantly getting jealous even though she�s only known the guy for 20 seconds.) What? Oh, no...

Eike: (Looking around.) Oh... that�s not good.

Teenage girl: Look, why don�t you stop by my house? (Well High Ho silver! At least buy the guy a drink first!) It�s right over there. We can�t stay out here, and you can tell me everything inside. (She walks off, then stops and turns back.) Let me introduce myself. I�m Margarete. (NaPap�s bane.)

Eike: I�m Eike, Eike Kusch.

Margarete: Well, Eike, shall we? (Ew, ew, EW. I am so not a Margarete/Eike supporter.)

(The player gets control and you have to follow Margarete to her house. Only she takes so long that you can run about the town, grab a handy ladder near the Butcher�s, talk to the girl in the cage and then get to the house�s front door before Margarete does. Once there a little scene starts up with the two of them walking inside.)

(Next scene: Inside the Wagner house. Eike and Margarete enter and go quietly up the stairs and into one of the rooms. Inside there is a middle aged woman lying in a smallish type bed, obviously ill. The woman, not the bed. A boy around 12 years of age is sitting beside the bed in a wooden chair watching over her. I guess. Everything in the 1500�s is sort of brown and faded, such as the pages of a book from that era might be if you found it today. Okay, now I�m just trying to fanwank this into making sense. Whatever the case, everything is rendered in shades of brown whilst Eike is still distinguished easily in his green leprechaun garment, that probably looks like Space alien clothes to this Dark Age gits.)

Margarete: (Strolling into the room.) Mother, I�m home. How are you feeling?

Helena: I am all right today, there hasn�t been a great deal of pain. (The woman in the bed is fully blind and quite frankly looks like death on legs. Somehow, even though she can�t see past her own nose she manages to deduct that there is someone other than her �darling� daughter in the room. That�s Mom power for ya. Don�t mess with it.) Is someone with you? A guest?

(All eyes turn to Eike who is standing in the doorway looking about as comfortable as a straight guy at a yaoi convention.)

Hugo: (The boy in case it wasn�t blatantly obvious.) Wow � would you look at those strange clothes...

Margarete: We met in the square. He�s looking for someone � isn�t that right?

Eike: Yes, something like that. (He actually says �Yeah� on the game but �Yes� is what the sub titles say.)

Helena: My, your friend�s voice is remarkably like your father�s. (... Thankyou oh Mr. Foreshadowing for jumping out of the closet before your cue. Get back in there.)

Margarete: Hm? Do you think so? Where is father anyway?

Hugo: *Gestures at the floor* Closed up down there again. He won�t come up, even with mother like this...

Helena: It�s all right, Hugo. I love your father better for doing what he believes in. (For leaving his sick wife upstairs with his wanker daughter and the strange space man she brought home? Lovely.)

Hugo: (Snidely. I like him already.) Is that how it is...?

Helena: Hugo, you�ll carry on after your father someday, won�t you?

Hugo: I � I don�t know yet...

(Hugo turns his back on her and there is an uncomfortable silence in which he tries to convey that he wishes to spend the next thirty years of his life as a dole bludger. Granted the black plague doesn�t kill him off first. Margarete, sensing the tension in the air decides to take her wussy leave of it.)

Margarete: Well, maybe I�ll just go take a peek. I wonder if father�s had his dinner yet? (She leaves thank God. Hugo looks at Eike for a bit, then his curiosity gets the better of him and he goes over to him and kneels down. Right that�s it. If he so much as moves his finger towards Eike�s zipper, let alone proceeds to suck him off I am packing up the PS2 and my gaming license right now. However, Hugo is not as filthy as my mind predicted and instead he just seems content to rub his hands all over Eike�s abdomen, trying to pass it off as the innocent curiosity of a child whose never touched something worth more than himself before. Whatever. He�s just trying to feel him up. Eike offers little to no resistance. What do you expect, this is probably the very first time someone�s ever touched him there. Whilst Hugo is groping away, the Digipad gets scared and makes a break for it, falling out of Eike�s pocket and onto the floor. Hugo goes to pick it up.)

Eike: Hey! Please be careful with that. (Picks it up himself, wary that small parts may present a choking hazard to children. He of course offered no similar warning to Hugo when the kid practically had his cock in his mouth.)

Hugo: What is that? (Puts on schoolgirl pose, like Eike will suddenly hand it over if he bats his eyelashes enough. Well... you just never know with old Eikey-wikey.)

Eike: Ah...it�s a machine. A really...complicated one. (A Rubex cube?) It � well... I don�t know how to explain it to you.

Hugo: Let me guess. It... it... makes whatever dish you want appear?

Eike: No.

Hugo: Okay, that was just wishful thinking... Well, then, it maps the Heavens?

Eike: No, doesn�t do that...

Hugo: All right then, it � I know! It lets you travel through time! And you�ve come from the future, am I right? (Methinks Hugey read the script before this scene. Unlike the other assholes in this game we seem completely unaware that the script even exists.)

Eike: Well, actually, ah...

Hugo: What? I�m right? How could that be... How is that possible? And is that why you�ve got such funny clothes on? (Like your a fashion icon yourself Hugo.)

Eike: W-well... (He holds his hands up in submission as Hugo starts sniffing him all over. ...Okay, just gazing at him inquisitively then. Helena, sick of her sons pervy homo pondering�s, decides to end this right here, right now by hogging up some attention for herself.)

Helena: Hugo... *Starts having a cough attack or something* Hugo...

Hugo: Mother! Are you all right? (Immediately turns his horny gaze from Eike to his mother. That came out so, so wrong.)

Helena: Hugo, you ought not bother our guest so. I am sorry. He�s very curious about everything � just like his father. I suppose he�ll become a scientist as well once he grows to be a man. (She seems kinda stuck on this point, doesn�t she?)

Hugo: I�m not interested in alchemy. At least, not right now. How can I be when it can�t even produce a medicine to make Mother well again? (Yeah bloody alchemy. Can�t even conjure up a cure for cancer, that useless science.)

Helena: Perhaps not yet, but with time and effort, one never knows... I�m sure that�s what your father believes, dear. (Uncomfortable silence as Eike tries to badly transition to another topic.)

Eike: So your father�s an alchemist, huh?

Hugo: Well, something like that. He makes medicine for people, and does stuff like grinding strange stones and metals. He�s always doing that sort of thing. And I mean always, all the time.

Helena: Hugo, dear ... (Has another coughing fit and Hugo shuts up, realizing that he�s upsetting her.)

(Margarete re enters the scene. Oh be still my foolish heart.)

Margarete: Father�s completely wrapped up in his experiments. I couldn�t even get him to look my way. (Can�t blame the guy.)

Hugo: So what else is new? He�s always staring at the kiln. He hasn�t even noticed that I was born.

Margarete: Hugo, don�t talk that way. (Now wouldn�t it be funny if Dr. Wagner walked in then and said; "Whose that strange boy!?" and Margarete says "Oh, that�s Eike Kusch. We met at the square." And Wagner responds; "Not him, I�m talking about the little boy in leggings." And Hugo says; "I�m your son!" and Wagner says; "... I didn�t know I had a son...." ... Okay, sorry. Just this weird idea I�ve had for a while.)

(Margarete and Hugo both stare at Eike for a while, hopefully not thinking the same thing. Though after Hugo�s unmentionable display before, I would not be surprised.)

Margarete: You were looking for someone, weren�t you? Tell me, what does she look like? (Why the Hell would she be interested? Maybe there are some things better off not knowing.)

Hugo: Is this girl like your � you know? (What? His Mom? Can�t you just see Eike and Hugo laughing like jocks and doing the elbowing thing to each other and the little winks?)

Eike: No, it�s not, anything like that. (He quickly assures his new boy-toy.)

(Margarete looks a wee bit touchy about this suggestion and sort of stands off in a corner by herself whilst the two boys converse.)

Eike: I actually don�t remember too well because I just met her. But she was blonde and had her hair tied back kind of high... And I think she was wearing something reddish... (Baywatch cossie.)

Margarete: *Huffily* Reddish, huh... Can�t say I remember anyone like that.

(Eike and Hugo look at her, then look back at each other, shrugging it off.)

Eike: I guess I�ll go look around. Thank you for everything.

(Leaves the room and heads for the stairs. Margarete pokes her head out the door.)

Margarete: Oh? You�re leaving already? (Didn�t he just say--? *Sigh* Never mind) It�s dark outside, so be careful. Let me know if you find her. I�ll keep an eye out.

Hugo: (Also poking his head out the door.) Tough luck, sis. I guess you�re just not his type.

(For one small moment, Hugo has become my hero. He gets this chapter�s �Ripping on annoying character�s award.�)

Margarete: (To Hugo) Oh, what are you talking about!

(Hugo just laughs to himself. I join in.)

Eike: ...Well... good bye. Thanks for your help.

Margarete: Oh no, I�m sorry I couldn�t help much. See you soon, all right? (Not if I can help it Girly.)

(Next scene: Outside.)

(The player gets control here. Eike goes to the square; to the spot where the tree was in the present and sees a guy planting said flora, only obviously its a chibi version. He speaks to the dude.)

Tree planting dude: Haven�t seen you around before. A woman? Don�t know anything about that. (That sounds both suspicious and Yaoi-ish. I like this guy.) If I don�t get this seedling planted by the end of the day, the foreman�ll have a what-for!

(Eike talks to the guy again, in an attempt to stop him planting the tree.)

TPD: What do you think you�re doing? Only the squire�s got the right to come and interrupt my work.

(So the idea is that Eike must stop the tree from being planted and therefore deprive the killer of a place to hide behind. But the only way the tree-planting guy will listen to him is if he has some sort of authority from the Squire. Eike needs proof that he has the Squire�s backing! And not like that. Geez haven�t you people had enough sick perversions for one day?)

(Eike goes to the Squire�s mansion where a young chap is guarding the gate.)

Young Chap: The squire�s manor is beyond that gate. The squire�s crest? Come to think of it the seal on the manor house is about to fall off. Everyone is saying how it ought to be repaired. (Well, ain�t that convenient.)

(Eike speaks to the kid again.)

Young Chap: You want to take a look inside. Well... I�ve got the key � Of course, I can�t let you in for nothing. What have you got to trade?

(Unfortunately I don�t think the kid will accept a sexual favor so Eike gives him a postcard. Don�t you think the chap would be suspicious of being given something that hasn�t yet been invented in his time? Oh whatever. Eike�s inside.)

(Eike spots the seal sitting above the Squire�s doorway. The only way he can reach it is with a ladder, which Eike found outside of a butcher before. How he managed to sneak it past the kid I don�t know but I think we�ve got an answer to why Eike always seems so happy.

Ahem, anyway. Eike uses the ladder to get the crest. He then takes it to the square and shows it to the TPD.)

(Square scene.)

(The player must choose the crest on the options screen whilst standing in front of the tree planting guy to display it to him. Eike is all into this, shoving the crest in the guy�s face like he�s all that and a bag of potato chips. The dude gives it a once over and seems shocked.)

TPD: By the blessed Mary!? This is the squire�s! (Looks up at Eike as though the guy has slaughtered the squire and stolen the crest off of him. Now that would have been a side quest I could really get into.) What�s this now?

Eike: Yes, I have a message for you. The squire doesn�t want a tree here.

TPD: What?

(The player gets to choose between having a statue erected or having flowers planted. I go for the statue because it�s of Eike and there�s no way there could be a nicer monument in any city square. Except if it was of Homunculus. Did I mention I wanna nibble on his ears? What?? Elf ears are so kewt!)

TPD: Well now... all right then. If the squire says so, that�s that. Guess I�ll call it a day. (Giggles and scoots off with the chibi tree in his hand. His mission accomplished, Eike is forced to return to the present, otherwise he�ll explode and we don�t want that.)

(Next scene: Back in the present in the square.)

(We see a nice shot of Eike�s little brown shoes stepping into shot as he starts speaking.)

Eike: So Dana is � somewhere back there, in the past... What have I done... To get her involved in this...? I promise I�ll find you. Please hang in there, until then...

(With nothing better to do, Eike pulls out a cigarette and starts to light up. I cry with happiness. But then, just to spite me, he has a change of heart.)

Eike: Today is a good day to quit. (Throws cigarettes into a bin. NO! SMOKE EIKE I COMMAND YOU TO SMOKE!! DON�T BE A GOODY, GOODY!) I � I don�t want to die...

(He turns around to see the tree disappear and a statue of himself taking its place. The statue is ugly, and green with a very prominent rear end. He is looking up at something he is holding in his hand. It looks like a mirror. I would not be surprised because he is a vain little bastard.)

(End chapter 2.)

Well you have survived the first encounter with Mary Sue. Give yourself a pat on the back and join me next time as we encounter a much more pleasurable character. No, I�m not talking about Mr. Eckart. You�ll just have to wait and see! Cheerio ta ta, buh-bye!
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Shadow of Destiny: The script of sarcasm