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Can't Let You Go	By : Ellynndaria Category: +A through F > Dragon Age (all) > Dragon Age (all) Views: 7632 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: We do not own Dragon Age, nor the characters from it. We do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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            Two days after the encounter in the library, Fellon, needing to have a chat with his brother, put together a belated Thanksgiving tray, a selection of Douglas’ favorite foods to take up to him in bed since Douglas had been too ill to participate in the larger feast with the gang a few weeks prior. Not that there was much feasting going on. The only thing worth celebrating had been Bethany’s return regardless of circumstance. Making it up the stairs and down the hall without incident, Fellon balanced the tray on one hand and knocked, knowing Anders was with Douglas at the moment. “It’s Fellon. Coming in.”
            Anders sat up and helped arrange pillows around Douglas to help keep him up and comfortable. Taking his notebook with him, he crawled off the bed and placed it on the nightstand. He gathered up some dirty stuff that was lying around before checking all the pill bottles, placing two close to Douglas. “You need to take these soon.” He leaned in placing a gentle kiss on Douglas’ forehead. Anders paused, not really thinking about his previous action when he did it, and now worried he crossed the line, but Douglas just searched his face a moment before nodding he understood the directions. Anders nodded back with a little smile of relief and added, “I’ll leave you two alone. I need to make a few adjustments on your medications anyway.”
            He gathered up the dirty dishes and notebook, making his way out of the room. Fellon gave Anders the slightest of head shakes as he approached, and the doctor returned a frown in answer, knowing what the other man meant. The address Anders had given the day prior was a fake. Letting Anders through the doorway, Fellon stepped into the room and closed the door behind them. He looked at his “baby” brother and felt an instant flash of rage at the state he was in. There had been improvement, but not enough for Fellon’s peace of mind. He clenched his jaw for a moment before fixing his expression into his usual smirk, crossing the room to Douglas’ bed. “Well, you’re looking better. Doc must be doing something right.”
            “I hope so. I’m not sure I’ve taken so many pills in my life.”
            Fellon chuckled faintly. “Well, if I have to keep your club and mine up and running while you’re recuperating… I might be asking you to share, so it’s a good thing you’ve got so many.” Fellon winked and kept a light tone to make it clear he was teasing.
            “Sorry.”
            Fellon lifted the tray up for Douglas to see. “You missed Thanksgiving and haven’t really been up to a whole lot of solid food ‘til now… so, I called your favorite catering service and had them send over a few things. The little lady that runs the place is very worried about her favorite customer, by the way…” Fellon pulled a chair over to the side of the bed, having a seat and setting the tray on the bed between himself and Douglas. “Anything on here catching your eye?”
            Douglas gave a small smile before looking over the tray. “It all looks good, but I think I could smell the sweet potatoes from the hall.”
            Fellon shrugged and slouched back in the chair. “Well, dig in, then. Brought all this up here just for you.”
            Picking up the fork and saying, “Thanks,” Douglas set to eating slowly around the tray.
            Fellon watched his brother eat for a few minutes, happy to see him doing that much. “… So, the Doc says you’ve been talking a bit more. “
            Douglas shrugged. “We’ve had some things to talk about.”
            Fellon nodded. “We’ve got some things to talk about, too.”
            Douglas kept his focus on the tray. “Like what?”
            Fellon leveled a steady gaze on his brother. “Halloween.”
            Douglas poked at the food on the tray with the fork, “What about it?”
            “Who was it for starters?”
            “I don’t know who the bitch was, just some blond Coterie whore.” Douglas started shoveling food in his mouth.
            Fellon’s gaze narrowed slightly. “Blond Coterie whore. That’s a start. There’s more, though… isn’t there?”
            Douglas shrugged with his mouth full.
            Fellon shook his head, sighing, “What’s the deal, Dougie? You can spill your guts just fine in a drunken stupor…”
            Douglas forced a swallow. “Can you hand me those pills over there?” pointing at the nightstand. “And what more? I doubt you want too many more details after that.”
            Fellon grabbed the pill bottles Douglas mentioned, taking time to read their labels and lift an eyebrow before handing them over. “Doc’s got you on quite a cocktail… I’ve seen some of the other stuff you’re taking. And yeah, I want details or I wouldn’t be asking. I’m funny like that.”
            “More is: according to Anders, she is pregnant. We’re big boys. I’m sure we know how a woman getting in that condition pertains to me.” He took the pills like Anders told him to; he was probably going to need them today.
            Fellon blinked once, and then shrugged. “Problems like that can be dealt with. You feel like being Daddy Douglas? … Or are we exploring other avenues?”
            Douglas poked at his food again. “I don’t know.” He was silent for a couple of moments, adding quietly, “Anders said something about us keeping it.”
            “What does Douglas say about it? We’re working on the assumption that this kid is yours at all…”
            “Yes, but I can’t wait to make a plan in July.” He picked up a fork full of sweet potatoes, adding, “And I don’t know what I say about it,” and then eating.
            Fellon watched Douglas eat for a minute. “If you don’t have an opinion yet… then it’s a bit tough to formulate a plan.”
            “Not a plan per se, more of formulating the options. Hell, we can’t even know for sure until after it’s born if it is mine.”
            “Well, there’s a starting point. Plan A: the kid happens to be yours. What then?”
            “Well the natural option is marry the mother.”
            “… I think I just threw up a bit in my mouth.” Fellon made a disgusted face. “No way in hell is that a viable option.”
            “Hell no.” He took another small bite of food, not looking at his brother. “Or I could have been talking about Anders.”
            Both eyebrows lifted. “Were you?”
            Douglas shrugged. “It’s an option.”
            Fellon smirked and shook his head. “We’ll revisit that. Plan B: kid isn’t yours. No problems from there on out, yeah?”
            “Yeah.”
            “…So… seems like you’ve got that figured out, then. If the kid’s not yours, fuck the bitch. If the kid is yours… take the kid and raise it with Doc, and fuck the bitch. Seems pretty cut and dry to me. “
            Douglas looked at Fellon. “Really? I didn’t think you would go for it.”
            “Oh yeah? Why would you think that?”
            “Gee, I don’t know, Uncle Fellon, your brother is considering raising a kid that was forced upon on him with his male lover… Just doesn’t seem like something you would agree with.”
            Fellon’s scar twitched beneath his eye, and he paled a bit beneath his perpetual tan. “… Ok, I’m going to fight back a complete breakdown here, to tell you that the kid isn’t what was forced on you.”
            Douglas sighed. “I know. I just hope I can remember that later. Another obstacle in the plan: I’m not sure I can.”
            “You’ve got quite a few months to test-drive the idea of having a kid, regardless of how you happen to acquire it. When the time comes, you should have a better idea of what you want to do in that regard. Having a kid around scares the hell out me, and I’ll be drinking quite heavily later once the terror settles in. But it’s not about me.”
            “I would join you but…”
            “Heh. I’ll drink one for you.” Fellon smiled faintly before the expression faded. “Now… what can you tell me about the other bitch that was in the office with you that night?”
            Douglas poked at his food again. “Ha… I guess by description that would have been me…”
            “Stop talking like that,” Fellon snapped. “You’re nobody’s bitch, and anyone that says anything different will get shipped home in pieces.”
            Douglas sighed; he knew this would be coming eventually. “You aren’t going to do anything to her until we are sure, are you?”
            “I know I don’t give the impression… but I am capable of patience. I can wait as long as needed.”
            After a moment of waffling, Douglas described the couple to his brother, cautioning him that she probably still had Douglas’ gun and that if she thought she had an open opportunity, would probably get Fellon. He paused a moment, assuming the only reason he could have said any of that was without the need to vomit was the fact Anders had him on meds to keep food down, but Fellon just nodded, absorbing what Douglas was telling him, and quiet as he started formulating plans of his own. Douglas ate some more, grateful for the meds. They was keeping his emotions level even when they shouldn’t be. He said, “They were dressed up like superheroes of all things, probably got in on the plus ones. That will have to change.”
            “Oh yes, that will very definitely change. Superheroes, you say? I can’t particularly remember any superheroes at the party that night. That should make things easier…”
            Eyes still focused on the tray, a couple tears slipped down his cheeks. “Thank you, Fellon. All I have done is screw this up more and more.”
            Fellon eased out of the chair, kneeling beside the bed and looking up at Douglas. “Douglas. You’re not screwing anything up. Something was taken from you. I wish I could get it back for you… but the best I can do is make sure they pay for what was stolen.”
            “Not just me. They almost got your brother, and if I would have had anything to say about it, they would have succeeded. And Anders…” Douglas shook his head, “I don’t know why he is bothering to stay.”
            “Well, that’s easy. Anders cares about you. Obviously a great deal.”
            “He cares for someone I doubt is here anymore.”
            Fellon frowned before reaching up and smacking Douglas upside the head. “You’re right. The old Douglas is probably gone. But you get to decide if you want a weaker Douglas taking his place… or a stronger one.” He got up off the floor and plopped back in his chair.
            Douglas frowned back, “Well, I guess I have already proven which one existed in the first place…”
            “Tch… Really? Sometimes I wonder if we’re related. Douglas…” Fellon leaned forward in his chair. “Don’t let something like this break you. That means they win. You telling me you’re gonna let anyone win against you? Hell, you don’t even like being second in line at the bank…”
            Douglas could help a small snicker. “I’m not as competitive as I use to be.”
            Fellon smirked. “Nevertheless, the comment stands. You’re talking like someone who’s given up… and that means those bastards win.”
            “Anders said he wouldn’t leave until I was swimming again. I guess that’s a goal to shoot for.”
            “… You’re trying to get him to leave?”
            Douglas shrugged again, “It would be better for him if he did. You hate him anyway, figured it would make you happy.”
            “… Since when has making me happy ever been an issue? It’s not your job to make me happy. Currently your job is to get healthy, and then let Doc make you happy. He seemed to be doing a pretty good job of it before…”
            Douglas smiled briefly, but it was quickly replaced with a deep frown. “How can I be happy with the thought of us being a family together when that family will always be threatened? He isn’t Isabela, and then throwing a kid into the mix, I mean I should just dye my hair gray now and go back to the bottle…”
            “Stop fretting over the kid until it actually becomes an issue. That’s more worry than you need right now. Furthermore…no one is going to hurt someone that falls under Hawke protection. Not if they have a brain cell in their heads.”
            “Easy for you to say… And they got Mom, didn’t they? I don’t know how you do it.”
            “Don’t know how I… do what?”
            “Live with your family being in danger all the time, I know she can take care of herself, but surely it has to worry you sometimes…”
            “Of course it does. That doesn’t mean I let the worry control how I live my life. “
            “Perhaps if you got a pile of photos and a threat at gunpoint you would change your mind…” Douglas sighed again, “I don’t think I can do it. It’s better this way.”
            “Threats at gunpoint only work if the fuckers have the balls to pull the trigger… and if you let them think you give a single rat’s ass about being shot.” There was a particular viciousness behind Fellon’s words, his eyes shadowed for a moment before he pinned a glare on Douglas. “And you’re a damned fool if you think either of you have been better off without the other since Halloween.”
            “I didn’t care if she pulled that fucking trigger; I wanted her to! Otherwise I wouldn’t have strangled her with it pointed at my chest or taunted her with it shoved in my jaw. I didn’t say it would be better for me; it’s better for him to move on. I’m used to being alone. I’ve been dealing with that a long time.”
            Fellon leaned back in his chair, lips curling up at one corner ever so faintly. “What about Anders? He was miserable without you. Really think he wants to go back to that?”
            “He has someone willing to fill my spot already. He doesn’t need me.”
            “Is he willing to have this someone… fill your spot, as you put it?”
            “It’s not up to him.”
            “Why not?”
            “Because he doesn’t understand what he is trying to commit himself to.”
            “Hm… That’s true. He doesn’t know much about you.” Fellon crossed his legs in front of him, leaning back in his chair and frowning slightly in deep thought. “Maybe… if he knew more… he’d make the decision to leave on his own, without you having to force him away.”
            “What and say, ‘I’m just like those thieving, murdering bastards I’m trying to save you from’?”
            “You’re hardly a bastard.” Fellon sighed. “As much as I don’t like it, that seems the most obvious solution. You’re worried he just doesn’t know what he’s getting himself into. Let him know… then let the chips fall where they may.”
            Fear ticked slightly in Douglas’ eyes before he looked back at the tray, “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
            “…. Have you always been this much of a chickenshit? Or is this a new development?”
            Douglas looked back up, squinting angrily at Fellon. “I really hope you never have to deal with something like this.”
            Fellon gave a careless shrug. “I don’t have a problem with threats.”
            Douglas’ eye narrowed even more, “Obviously. I’m glad it isn’t my fate in your hands.”
            “What makes you think it hasn’t been?”
            “What makes me think you would even care?”
            Fellon fell silent, but his throat convulsed in a hard swallow while his jaw worked tersely for a long moment. When he looked like he might say something, Fellon instead rose to his feet. “Fun chatting, as always. I’ll let Doc know you took your meds like a good boy, and you’re still eating.”
            “Enlightening as ever.” Douglas refocused his attention to the tray.
            “Thanks. I do try.” Fellon nodded, heading for the door. He stopped with his hand on the doorknob. “Bethany had a talk with me shortly after I found out about Anders helping… that murderer. I told her I thought what I did was for your own good. She told me I sounded just like Mom.” Fellon sighed heavily. “I know you loved Mom… but I think we all know how doing something for someone’s ‘own good’ turns out…” With that, Fellon turned the knob and walked out the door.
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Can't Let You Go