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Shadow of Destiny: The script of sarcasm	By : Shenai Category: -Misc Video Games/RPGs > Walkthroughs/Hints/Spoilers Views: 1697 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the game that this fanfiction is written for, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 7
- 8
- 9
Disclaimer: I really don�t own it! Why won�t you believe me?!
Chapter 7.

(Last time in SOD, Eike made a star out of a failed movie director who was frighteningly obsessed with him, saved Mr. Eckarts wife Miriam and found out that Homy is a baby stealing bastard. Oh yeah, and he prevented his own death. ... Again.

This chapter starts out with Eike inside the Library tower just sort of musing around by the door. Suddenly, for no reason whatsoever, the door slams behind him.)

Eike: Damn! (Nances over to the door and rattles the handle. Obviously, it is Dun, dun, dun dun!! LOCKED! GASP I say! Who didn�t see that coming?) I�m locked in!

(Player gets control so I mosey Eike on to the top of the tower, seeing as how there is no place else to go. In the room with the ladder that leads to the top of the tower is an old rope that will be of some significance later on. Not now though, but I still pick it up. Eike gazes at the rope, thinking kinky thoughts involving both it and Homy before putting it in his inter dimensional pocket. Dontcha just love those things? That over with Eike climbs the ladder to the top of the tower. Wow, I can see my house from here! Not really, (Seeing as how my house is in Japan,) but that�s what everyone says when they are up really high above the ground. Eike can probably see his house though. Hey! How come we never got to go to his house during the game and see what it looked like? Unfair!)
Quiz 6: How come we never went to Eike�s house during the game?

The game designers were too lazy to give him one.

It was really messy and he didn�t want any of the gamers to know how much of a slob he was.

He doesn�t have a home.

His home is a cardboard box.

Eike doesn�t actually know how to find it. Hey, in the hustling bustling town of 12 residents it�s easy to get lost!

Eike: (Looking around.) Mr. Eckart? Are you there?

(Player gets control and as soon as you move him over to the railing a cut scene starts. It shows Eike hanging out by the railing, waiting for Mr. Eckart to show up when a pair of mans hands push him over the side. Eike screams like a choking chicken (I know that sound very well.) as he falls and hits the ground with a noise unlike Rice Bubbles. Eike is so good at dying by now, that there is not even a splatter of blood, even though the fall was so far that he would have exploded on impact spraying guts everywhere. But no, not our amazing Eike! His bones are all in place and his blood all on the inside of his body. What-the-fuck-ever.)

(Next Scene: Homy�s Swinging Limbo pad of love, Yeah baby , yeah!)

Homy: (Once again disembodied, because he�s still pissy at Eike for rejecting his advances.) Oh dear... But this may be the chance that you�re looking for. This attack takes place indoors, which means that the killer is in there with you. (Eike looks up all shocked at the idea that the killer had been INSIDE WITH HIM!! OMG S0 TH4T2 H0W H3 M4NAG3D TO K1LL 31KE!! DUH, fucking DUH. I�m surrounded by idiots.) If you can somehow fool the killer, you may be able to catch him. (Because suddenly it is gender direct.) Can�t you do something to make sure you don�t fall off, without alerting the killer to that fact? You�ve got a bit of time. Good luck.

(Just for the record, I know that NaPap has said it a thousand times but necessary information can afford to be repeated. �Homy has the most sexual voice on the planet. Next to mine and Muraki�s that is.� Maybe we should start up a sexy voice club? Hmmm...)

(Eike flies through the over used Star Trek portal of Swirly Special effects and is plonked back inside the tower just after the door closed and locked itself. He rattles the handle a few times, just to check for sure that it is locked.)

Eike: It�s locked.

(Excuse me for a minute.)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRFGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGMOTHERFUCKERGROWHALFABRAINAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! *Sounds of vases smashing and extreme violence towards inanimate objects. Hey it�s an improvement to animate objects ain�t it?*

(I�m alright now. Just switched on my �Sounds of Peace Tapes� and am burning some relaxation insense. I really need to get some liqour into me before I do these recaps, for the good of NaPap�s room if nothing else. Still, I feel that it is a definante improvement to before.) HeyHeHey it a

Eike: I don�t really want to think about it but � Can the person who�s trying to kill me be � Mr. Eckart.... Is it? Is that possible? (Oh I would say so Eike.) And why would he...? (Probably for the same reason that I want to, Eike.)

(Scene fades out and the Digipad goes off. Eike can go back to the night before, so of course he does because we must plot progress, plot progress people! Yes, I did sing that by the way. If you can imagine me singing.)

(Next Scene: Phallic tower of Lur~ve.)

(Eike appears outside the tower that is phallic shaped. I mentioned this because I cannot go for one recap without some kind of penis joke. And yes that does describe anything inside of Lucifer�s pants. ...Don�t tell him I said that. Talking to the door triggers a cut scene. No, you idiots you don�t have to talk to it. Just walk Eike up to the door and press �X.� Wanker.)

Eike: Isn�t there any way to get in without Mr. Eckart knowing...? (So he�s obviously decided that Mr. E is definitely the killer. Way to go Detective Eike. I bet your wrong, because I�m a bitter bastard and I didn�t figure it out and I want you to be wrong so, nyah.) This is an old lock. Maybe I can get a hold of the key. (Eike, no one wants to know about you getting a hold of your �key.� Oh, he meant for the door lock. Silly me.)

(Digipad goes ape shit again, and this time Eike can go back to visit Brum and all the other weirdo�s of the 1900�s. So that�s where he�s going.)

(Next Scene: When I think about you, I touch myself.)

(Eike is plopped down inside of the mansion, just by the front doors.)

Voice of Brum�s gay lover/friend from outside: All right. Hold still, please.

Eike: (Facing the doors.) Oh-oh. I�m going to run into myself. (I find the thought strangely arousing.)

(Player gets control and you have to take Eike into the other room where Sibylla usually sits, but isn�t now since she is outside. Something on a shelf on the wall is farting out green light, which means that you can pick it up. Eike goes over to examine it.)

Eike: The tower key... Here�s a duplicate... it should be okay for me to take one. (Yeah, I never minded either when complete strangers stole the keys to the Sohma compound. Of course it wouldn�t be bloody okay!)

(Scene shows that Sibylla is back in the other room playing peek-a-boo with her baby brother. She hears Eike and goes over to peep out the door, just in time to see him nick the key. That explains what she said in Chapter 5 anyway. She saw this Eike, not the Eike that was in the creepy costume take the key. See it all makes sense in the end! Aww...)

Eike: (looks over to the front door where he hears the noises indicating that his past self will soon be entering the building.) Oh-oh, I�m going to run into myself. (He does tend to repeat himself a lot, doesn�t he?)

(Anyway, Eike runs over to another door that leads out to the staircase where he first encountered Bodied Homy in Chapter 3. NOTE: THIS IS A TRICK! THE GAME DESIGNERS WHERE TRYING TO TRICK THE PLAYERS INTO GOING BACK TO THE PRESENT AND USING THE ROPE FROM THE NIGHT BEFORE WHICH IS 100 YEARS OLD. THIS WILL NOT WORK!! THE ROPE WILL SNAP AND THOUGH IT IS AMUSING WATCHING EIKE FALL FROM AN OLD ROPE IT ALSO MAKES US, THE GAMERS LOOK STUPID!! THIS IS A DEFINATE NO-NO!! Thank you upper casing. The idea here, is to wait around until all the time in which Eike was in the room before, talking to Sibylla has elapsed and then you go back out there and into the other tower to get the rope in this time. BECAUSE IN THIS TIME THE ROPE IS NEW!!! Now do you see where little Shitty Akitty is coming from? Yes? Good. Lets skip right to the getting the New rope part.)

(Next scene: Getting roped into it now.)

(Eike runs up the staircase and gets the new rope. DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT, DO WHAT NaPap DID FOR AMUSEMENT ONCE AND TIE THE ROPE TO THE RAILING 100 YEARS IN THE PAST AND LET EIKE USE IT IN THE PRESENT JUST SO SHE COULD SEE IT SNAP AND WATCH HIM DIE!! SHE IS EVIL AND SADISTIC AND SHE SHOULD BE NO ONE�S ROLE MODEL EVER. Now myself, on the other hand, I am beautiful and smart and powerful and I do not enjoy killing Eike for fun. *cough - cough.* So you should idolize me instead, for I will tell you exactly what must be done right now. Are you all listening kiddies? Yes? Goodo. Eike must take the new rope back to the night before and tie it to the railing there, to use in the present, which is the day after. We are going to skip to the night before now when Eike ties it to the railing.)

(Next scene: The bunny jumps over the log ~ )

Eike: (Up on the top of the tower the night before, with the new rope.)

Eike: Since I�m going to be shoved off here... I can tie one end of a rope to this railing (doing so) and grab the other end tomorrow before I get pushed off. That way, I shouldn�t fall - (Looks over the side. He has tied a really fancy knot that I could never have a hope in Hell of doing.) I hope it works...

(Next scene: Oh, what a tangled web we weave...)

(Eike is walking down the stairs when he passes a door that leads into Mr. Eckart�s office. He can hear said mans voice coming from inside. It sounds as though he is on the phone.)

Mr. Eckart: ...You�re sure about that? ... She�s alive? (Eike stops to listen in.) ... All right... ... Yes, he did say he was coming over tomorrow, to look at paintings... ... for sure. ... Yes, yes, I know... I won�t tell anyone.

Eike: (To himself. Even though his voice echoes around the �room� and Mr. Eckart could have easily heard him. Oops, voice actor.) Who�s he talking to?

(Eike heads back to the present and goes up to the top of the tower. A timer ticks down from 10 seconds and the idea is to walk over the flashing rope and press X. Eike then checks the rope and prepares himself to be shoved over the ledge. The hands predictably do so and Eike falls screaming but there is no nasty Rice Bubbles sound effect this time. The only thing that hits the ground is the girly comb that Mary Sue gave him in Chapter 6. Too bad it doesn�t break. The camera pans up to show Eike holding onto the rope with all his might. A man�s voice, presumably Eckart�s can be heard from up above. He mustn�t have looked over the edge and thus hasn�t noticed Eike swinging around like a wild trapeze artist down below.)

Mr. Eckart: I-is it over? It�s g-got to be cleaned up... (�It� is climbing up the side of the tower like a Spastic Super duper Spider man. He reaches the top and hangs his body over the railing. His child molester ponytail flops over his shoulder, resembling Hadass�s schlong hairstyle. Yay, another penis joke. NaPap you must be so proud of me. Eike glances around but Mr. Eckart has left for greener pastures. Well, in this case it�s to find one of those handy dandy garbage disposal bags to put Eike�s mutilated body in. Eike himself, very much un-mutilated, crawls over the railing and falls on his tight little ass like a bitch. The controller vibrates when this happens as though we needed proof that Eike has a humungadunga fat ass. The scene fades out.)

(Next Scene: The Final confrontation! Only not really.)

(Eike walks down the staircase and sees Mr. Eckart�s office door open. Mr. E is sitting at his desk, but he looks up as Eike pokes his head inside.)

Mr. Eckart: ... Oh, hi, (Translation: Oh, shit I�m screwed.)

(Eike has something to say to Mr. Eckart. Unfortunately it�s not; "DIE BITCH DIE!!" but you just know he wants to.)

Eike: Mr. Eckart, you...

Mr. Eckart: (picking up the comb that he must have �cleaned up� from outside and looking at it incredulously. As if to say WTF?) Is this � yours?

(For some reason I am giving Mr. Eckart this chapters "Ripping on Annoying Character�s Award." Just because there is really nothing else mean said throughout the rest of it. Right now, you are about to experience a hell of a lot of black bleeding wankst. Be prepared.)

Eike: (Trying to quickly transition to another topic.) Mr. Eckart �

Mr. Eckart: (Gesturing at Eike�s chest with the comb. He is insistent of embarrassing him for having such a girly item with him. No not Homy, I�m talking about the comb.) I asked you whether or not this was yours.

Eike: (With much, much reluctance.) Yes... someone gave it to me. But we need to �

Mr. Eckart: I see... (Still holding onto comb and looking at his hands.)

Eike: Mr. Eckart, there�s something I need to ask you. (If anyone says anything about marriage, I�m gone.)

Mr. Eckart: (Holding a hand to his face and seeming very, very upset.) ...I�m sorry. Truly, truly sorry... Blackmail... Our daughter... went missing 20 years ago. It was Dana�s return for your...

(Long silence.)

Eike: So were you the one that stabbed me too?

Mr. Eckart: No, I don�t know anything about that. You may not believe me, but that�s the truth.

Eike: What? So there�s someone else trying to kill me too...? (Amazingly enough, I thought that everyone was in love with him.) Then who were you talking to on the phone?

Mr. Eckart: I honestly don�t know, he... ... he said he�d call again once you were dead...

Eike: (Jerks back in shock, for some reason.)

Mr. Eckart: (Looks at him.) Don�t worry. After all, I told you all this, didn�t I? I won�t make any more attempts on your life, and I plan to give myself up to the police. Forgiveness I can�t ask for, but I am sorry...

Eike: (Remembering that he is the resident nice guy who forgives all manners of things no matter how horrible or rude they may be. Now is no exception.) No, that�s all right. I�m still alive and besides, it�s the fault of whoever is really behind this. Please don�t blame yourself too much Mr. Eckart.

Mr. Eckart: (Examining the girly comb.) The comb � it somehow made me a sane man again. When I look at it, I feel like she�s safe � when I hold it in my hand, I can believe that the blackmail was nothing but a piece of fiction, and that my daughter is out there somewhere, happy and safe... It�s as though � I�m stroking her little head again, reassuring... (Boy I don�t sense any foreshadowing or anything.) I don�t know quite how to express it. I must be getting old...

Eike: (Smiling.) No, I think I understand. (He must speak Wankst.) That comb � I�d like you to have it. (Hey, Eike�s a smarter boy then we give him credit for! He just found a non-mean way of getting rid of a material object he so obviously hates due to it�s extreme girly-ness.)

Mr. Eckart: Are you sure? Isn�t it a keepsake? (Not so much as a piece of shit.)

(For some reason there is a black out right here. Why, game designers, why?! What ungodly awful thing happened here that we could not see? ... When I consider the circumstances I think that this actually might be a good thing. Well anyway, the scene re-opens on the exact same thing, both Mr. E and Eike haven�t moved and nothing has changed. Most. Pointless. Blackout. Ever. There is the sound of a door opening and both men look over to see a delightful old bag- I mean, ahem, woman step out of a room to the side. Yes, that�s right ladies and gentleman, it is Miriam from Chapter 7! Only a lot older... lets not even go into the peach coloured cardigan that she is wearing...)

Miriam: Sweetheart... (I pray that she is talking to Mr. E.)

Mr. Eckart: (Standing up.) Miriam � I woke you. (Goes over and puts his hands on her shoulders.) Everything�s all right � you should go back to bed.

Miriam: No. (Shakes her head.)

Mr. Eckart: (Lets her go.) My darling... you heard?

Miriam: Yes. Your voice rather carries, you know. I didn�t mean to listen, but you sounded so agitated that I...

Mr. Eckart: (Rightfully looking ashamed of himself.) Oh, Miriam... Miriam, I�m so sorry.

Miriam: Everything is going to be all right. You have me, don�t you know that? I�ve always been on your side, always.

Mr. Eckart: (Looks up then after way too long a silence and nods.) Thank you my dear. Thank you so much...

Miriam: Don�t be silly, dearest. We�ve been together for 20 years, you know... (Suddenly notices Eike and squints at him for ages.) Oh God � You�re... you... aren�t you...?

Eike: Oh -

Mr. Eckart: (Looking jealously at Eike, obviously not remembering his face from 20 years ago. Hey, it was a pretty snowy day!) What�s going on? Eike? You two know each other?

Miriam: ...No, it�s just that he looked so much like someone I knew a long time ago.

Eike: (Hesitantly.) I, ah �

Miriam: (Waves a hand.) It�s all right, you don�t have to say anything. A middle-aged woman has memories that are best left as they are. The truth may only disappoint, and I�d rather not be told. (Chuckles self mockingly.)

Mr. Eckart: Hold on a minute, what is all this? You make it sound like you two are old flames or something. (Okay, first of all: EW. Second of all: You just attempted to murder someone and now you�re worried about your wife�s old romances? Pull your head out your ass Eckart.) How come I�ve never heard anything about this? It�s a little too secretive for my �

Miriam: (Chuckles.) Now, don�t worry, dearest. I am a one-man woman but I will make do with you for now. (Okay that last bit was a lie. I�ll do that again.) I am a one-man woman, and you know very well that you�re that man. (Notices the comb on the bench.) Oh...? (Goes over to it.) It�s so � alike. (Picks it up.)

Mr. Eckart: (Moving back over to the desk.) Hm? What�s alike?

Miriam: This comb and the one I gave the baby � Dana � to hold. I don�t remember exactly what it looked like anymore, but I think it looked like this. Sort of antique, you know...

Mr. Eckart: What? That�s why � I see it now. That�s why I feel so peculiar about this thing. Makes sense...

Miriam: You too? But I didn�t think you would have noticed things like her comb?

(Meanwhile Eike is just happily standing in the background listening to all this Comb Crap.)

Mr. Eckart: I didn�t think so either and that�s why it�s so odd. Eike, is it really all right for me to accept this from you?

(Another fucking pointless blackout. This is almost like playing Final Fantasy 7 except they had a white screen instead of black.)

Eike: You should have it. I�ve gotta get going...

Mr. Eckart: Already?

Eike: (Heading for the front office door.) I have to find out who�s doing this.

Mr. Eckart: (Stands up.) Yes... If there�s anything I can do to help, let me know. I�ll do everything in my power.

(Eike waves an acknowledgment and then leaves the office. Another black out but the scene changes this time, thank God.)

(Next Scene: A stone for your thoughts?)

(Eike closes the door to the office and turns to walk off down the stairs, when something catches his eye. There is a new painting strung up on the wall near the door, a very big painting. An attractive blonde peasant girl is holding up a red stone. We know what both these things are. Dana and the Philosopher�s Stone! In that order. Eike stares for a bit and then the chapter ends.)

(Phew! The next chapter is going to be made up of millions of components to compensate for all the possible endings that you can get. Which means I�m going to need a lot of help to get through it! NaPap had better come back or I�m going to get very crabby, very soon!)

(End chapter.)
- 7
- 8
- 9
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Shadow of Destiny: The script of sarcasm