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As if, I loved her	By : Larania Category: +M through R > Neverwinter Nights Views: 2969 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Neverwinter Nights, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-As if, I loved her
- 2-Morning after
- 1
- 2
As if, I loved her�

Disclaimer: Neverwinter Nights 2: Mask of the Betrayer does
not belong to me, but to Wizards of the Coast, Obsidian Entertainment and
others. I make no money from this work of fanfiction at all.
A/N: This is a sequel to a fic posted at FF.N that takes
place during the OC, from Shandra�s POV and her relationship with the Captain.
This story is an exploration of the rather obvious potential for an odd
relationship between the Betrayer�s newest mask and Safiya. After all- the
admonishment to �act as if I loved her� really shouldn�t have been limited to male characters, right?
Warnings: Spoilers for all of MOTB, NWN2, and unbeta�d. Femslash
lemon and eventual het.
Pairings: PC/Safiya, Gann/Kaelynn

�� I burrowed
a little further into the warm, familiar bed and blankets, just enjoying the
absence of pain and thought for a few more moments. I was less than half aware
that I was drifting between asleep and awake, in a place more dream than
reality. I hadn�t become conscious enough to remember what had happened before,
just recognize the bed as my own and knowing I was safe.
�� Safe,
knowing that someone watched over me.
�� Are you
all right?� a familiar, husky voice murmured in my ear as an equally familiar
weight settled on the bed. I knew without looking what would be on my lover�s
face: a concerned, slightly naughty smile as he worried and enjoyed seeing me
on the bed. I didn�t look up to face him yet, my own smile growing� before,
still eyes shut, I smothered a giggle and reached out to grab the front of his
shirt and drag him down to me.
�� It was a
game we had played a dozen times, a hundred� Pulling him down to the bed one
more time for a morning kiss, caress� and more�
�� Surprise
kept his mouth stiff before my enthusiasm spread, lips parting for my tongue
then meeting it with his own. Muscles locked before melting under my hands as I
traced over his shoulders, arms�
�� Aka��
�� My hands
drifted over his� breasts.
�� My sleeping
mind tried to deny this, saying it could not be there, but my eyes snapped open
at the unmistakably feminine moan that my hands evoked as I squeezed. I pulled
back like I had been shot, or hit with mage-lightening� and gasped, but in
shock and embarrassment.
�� The hazy
dream images had supplied a man I knew,
and in a place I knew.
�� Instead, I
was back in Lienna�s bedroom in the Veil Theater, in her bed� with Yasha Miller
beside me, her face flushed and as wide-eyed as me.
�� I guess I
need to wake you up more often,� the ranger murmured, breathless, licking her
lips. �Or not so often?� She swallowed hard as I sat up and scooted as far away
as I could. My face burned scarlet, I was sure.
�� Yasha
tilted her head, sitting up as well and crossing her legs, and I did my best
not to shy away. What had I..? I tried to recall what had happened, and I knew
that dreams often had little to do with waking reality. I sorted through my
recollections, attempting to understand� only I did. And it was still
embarrassing.
�� I take it
you�re feeling better then?� Yasha asked, and the ever analytical part of my
mind noted the balled up part of her robed that I had grabbed, opening it
enough that I could see the long scar between her breasts. It drew my attention
to the fact that was all she was wearing, and that it was far too short for
her, and quite thin. Thin enough that I could see her nipples were hard, solid
nubs beneath the white cloth.
�� She had
asked me a question. �Yes, much better.� I tried lifting my eyes to hers,
telling myself I had little to be ashamed of. It had been an honest accident,
after all. I had acted as many sleepwalkers, reacting to the stimulus of a
dream until reality intruded enough to wake me. �I� I don�t remember what
happened after the end of the fight with Khai. Just getting knocked out.�
�� Ah,� I
looked again, in time to see her lick her swollen lips one more time. She kept
her eyes locked on the bed itself, not meeting mine and turning away. �I killed
Khai, after he had used whatever spell it was that stuck me in place. That
freed me, and I carried you back to the Veil. You were injured so I ransacked
the place for bandages and potions, but you were so tired I just let you sleep.
You were out for about a day. I haven�t left the Veil yet- and if we go back to
the Shadow Plane, we need to be careful where we step. There was no other place
to put the gnoll bodies.�
�� My mouth
quirked, briefly remembering my mother�s admonition to protect the stranger,
and I had to wonder if there was any way I would� �Then my breath caught in my throat. I had
forgotten, allowed myself to forget, ever-so-briefly that� that my mother was�
gone.
�� I couldn�t
bring myself to use the words, saying the obvious. I remembered my rage at
Khai�s news, and how conflicted I had
been. My mother and I- our relationship had never been as close as I would have
liked. Never had I felt like I could confide in her, could go to her with
Khai�s confession of feeling. Growing up had been a trial- but there had been
so much about my mother to admire.
Her drive, her purpose, her utter dedication to her art� I had emulated that as
best I could.
�� Something
of my thoughts must have shown on my face, because a long-boned hand settled on
my shoulder, and I brought my eyes up to meet Yasha�s.
�� Were you
close?�
�� The sense
of loss I felt wasn�t quite sorrow, but her� kindness� kindness and genuine
concern that had left me feeling unbalanced and confused since our first
meeting made my eyes prick. Shaking my head, I allowed her to pull me close to
her.
�� A few
moments ago I had thoroughly embarrassed her, and now she was holding me to
give me comfort. Either she was an idiot or the most forgiving person alive.
�� My mother
was� an inconsistent parent,� I began, and leaned against her bosom. �Sometimes
indulgent and forgiving, other times strict and harsh��
�� I was
rarely given to a flow of words, but even letting a little of my emotions loose
felt good. Natural, too, around this half-feral ranger from the West with her
weathered skin and scars, who had, in our brief acquaintance, seemed to
understand more about the wilds and the heart than I had ever learned in my
years of book-learning. While I could easily run circles around her when it
came to deduction, her ability to just understand
was� uncanny. At least, compared to myself�
�� I didn�t
say much. My mother and I had not
been physically close, despite my wishes. Once my flow of words tapered off,
and we had spoken of Khai (and she had apologized for her ill-timed teasing
about him being my lover) I just let myself be held for a few moments.
�� It felt
good. Good, and bizarrely familiar. Despite the fact that all I knew about
Yasha was that she was from Neverwinter and had apparently been snatched from
some kind of terrible battle, I knew little else about her. Yet that sense of
familiarity had followed me around since we had first met. I had seen this
woman�s nature, and I knew that it was kind and honest. I was more comfortable
and at ease here with her than I had ever felt among my fellows at the Academy.
I had to wonder if that was because I knew she would stab me in the chest before
she ever stabbed me in the back.
�� I let out a
long sigh, closing my eyes and noted that she smelled like the out of doors.
Slightly musky, slightly like sweat, but mostly, she just smelled like herself.
It wasn�t bad at all... I licked my lips slowly, taking in the feel of Yasha
stroking my back, her other hand resting on one of my legs.
�� The lust
that had burned so strongly in my dreams hadn�t been extinguished, just banked.
Now that the rush of despair was over, I was left feeling happy to be alive,
and�
�� I shifted,
surprised and slightly uncomfortable with the intense heat that pooled in my
groin. Warm wetness flowed down my thigh, and my nipples quickly rose and
hardened- so much it nearly hurt. I was intensely aware of the heartbeat and
breathing underneath my ear-
�� I was on
my way to take a bath,� Yasha said, abruptly moving away and leaving me alone
on the bed. Her voice was ragged, breathing harshly and nearly stumbling as she
stood.
�� I� I had
never felt so bereft before. To be honest, I had never given much thought to women before, but neither had I thought
much about men. Lust was something I considered a distraction from my studies,
and the Academy had an arrangement with one of the more upscale brothels. I
guess it was better than the pleasure slaves that some Red Wizards kept� As a
young woman with youthful frustrations, this has been much preferable to an
indiscretion with one of my fellow students. Even if it had been awhile, this
arrangement was still better than worrying about the complications of even a
casual relationship with one of fellow Red Wizards.
�� In other
words� I had never felt lust directed at a specific person before.
�� My eyes
trailed over her body, long and lean and scarred, with its wild grace- I was
certainly developing a taste for it. Even as my gaze lingered, I instinctively
cast my mind towards the voices, the same ones that had warned me of Khai and
his betrayal and had always warned me before I took a misstep.
�� They were
silent. Not out of absence, or indifference, but� confusion? Allowing me to
make this choice? I had but a breath to make it, to stop her before she left
the room� and I licked my lips again, thinking about the dream.
�� She hadn�t
fought me, not after her surprise. I could still see the peaks of her nipples
through the thin white robe and how her lips had been slick and swollen from
our kiss. Whatever I felt now, it was mutual.
�� The memory
of her moan as I touched her made my mind up, and I stood. Stood, and let my
own robe slide from my shoulders to pool on the sheets.
�� Wait,� I
called softly, but she paused as if she had hit a wall.
�� Safiya?�
She turned, eyes widening in her flushed face, but they drank in my naked form
and I felt a thrill of triumph. I had
been right. �What� what are you
doing?�
�� Of all the
ridiculous, inane questions! I took two steps, three steps forward,
deliberately reaching out to cup one of her breasts and tease the bud with my
thumb.
�� Things
will get extremely awkward if we don�t do anything about this,� I murmured, all
but purring as she gasped. Her breath came in soft, short puffs, shaking as I
continued to knead. My free hand fiddled with the sash tied around her waist.
It was a hard knot, one I couldn�t easily handle one-handed�
�� She quickly
grasped both my hands, pulling them away. �Safiya!� she barked, and I blinked
as she pushed me away.
�� Confusion
left me cold, and the playful lust that had been guiding me so far cleared.
�� What are
you thinking?� she hissed, and I blinked owlishly. What was I thinking? What was she thinking? I knew she wanted this
too, and�
�� Her face
still reflected her wanting, but her eyes were narrowed, and I saw real
distress there. �I- I hardly know you, Saifya,� Yasha began, shaking� but not
letting my hands go. In fact, her thumb was caressing my palm gently. �And I
don�t casually jump into bed with strangers, and I don�t even know if we�re
friends.�
�� The heat
between my legs made me nearly cry in frustration, but it seemed to point out
that she hadn�t let me go quite yet.
�� Safiya,
why?� The answer seemed important to her, and I didn�t know if I had a good
enough answer.
�� Her rough,
strong hands kept stroking my palms, and I ached
for her to touch me somewhere else.
�� Why does
it matter?� I wanted it, and she did too- what was the problem?
�� She leaned
down, and kissed me� and it made me pause. It was different this time. Inexperienced, awkward, and� and almost not
the same person I had kissed before; not at all the same person from my dream.
�� That�s
why.� She dropped my hands finally, but put hers on my shoulders, sliding down
my back to rest lightly on my waist. �Whatever- whatever it was that happened
right then, I know you weren�t kissing me. And I don�t know who was kissing you
back.� She slowly pulled me close, her breasts brushing against mine as I let
my hands fall. �Are you sure you want to make love to me, or this phantom? Do
you even want a woman?�
�� For the
first time, the voices reacted. Not a cry, but an echo, one that tried once
more to force Yasha to wear the mask of someone else� I tried to focus on her
again.
�� Yasha,� I
said, and managed to get myself marshaled together enough to reach for her sash
with both hands. �You are my friend.� It was true, all of it, and her face came
back into focus more clearly. �And I want
you.�
�� She was about
to say something, and from her expression I instinctively knew I wouldn�t like
it. So I kissed her, and with a one last tug her sash came free, opening up her
robe. I quickly slipped one hand between her thighs.
�� She was
sopping wet, soaking my fingers as I stroked along her slit and to find her
clit. She moaned into our kiss, and I smiled even more. Her following gasp
aroused me, but I wanted to keep her interested, make sure she didn�t run away.
�� I didn�t
need to fear. Her hands tightened on my waist, so tight that I was sure there
would be a bruise before releasing me. We continued to kiss, tongues and lips
sliding and stroking, before she moved to my neck. It involved� a lot of
bending over on her part.
�� I giggled.
I couldn�t help it, this situation was so ridiculous,
but her hands were on my shoulders as her knees tried to buckle and we started
wobbling our way towards the bed. I didn�t think she was paying enough
attention to notice my sudden lack of dignity as she continued to gently suck
and nip the delicate skin of my throat. It nearly distracted me from my assault
on her slit, caressing the wet folds and back to her clit.
�� I know she noticed my groan, pulling a
hiss from her as she continued and we made it to the bed to fall in a tangle of
limbs. This time she giggled, then whimpered. I finally had enough leverage to
truly enter her with my fingers.
�� I tried to
keep enough sense to be careful- I had performed this for myself, of course,
but never for another- but there was a slight yelp of pain. One finger had
entered easily while the other one had not, one fingernail unexpectedly nicking
something sensitive.
�� My eyes
went wide, as Yasha twitched. �Oh, planes, Yasha-�
�� She
laughed, shook her head, and kissed me again. And nipped my lip. It was barely
hard enough for me to feel her teeth, but I shrieked in surprise, before taking
my revenge on her. With my thumb I caressed her clit, hard, while quickly
thrusting in three fingers�
�� The hands
that had been playing with me, which I had mostly ignored but had liked on my skin,
fell away- and I was glad. Yasha came, tightening on my fingers as she lashed
out to grip the bed sheets hard enough to gouge holes. Her shriek was delighted, surprised, and I nearly came as well� I
didn�t have long to wait. Twisting, Yasha pressed one of her thighs between my
legs as I moved against her, finding my mouth with hers for a sweet kiss. I
rocked, back and forth, grabbing and sinking my nails into her back as I
pursued my own pleasure.
�� Her worn
hands coaxed and encouraged me; the sound of her breathing in my ear urged me
on. I didn�t notice the bloody trails I left, finally arching my back and
hissing as I came.
�� My face was
against her neck, skin on sweaty skin as, when at last we settled down. Yasha
fell backwards, pulling me with her, and I just basked in being held. How long
had it been? None of my, ah, employees before had ever stayed long enough to
hold me. It was strange and pleasant, and I wished it could last longer�
�� Yasha�s
breathing was turning deep and even, but the silence that had blanketed us was
turning awkward.
�� Safiya��
�� My friend
seemed such a distant thing to call her. My mother�s instructions, �to act as
if I loved the stranger,� didn�t seem so difficult right then. Not when her
calloused fingers were on my face. The flush of afterglow looked beautiful on
her.
�� Tell me
about yourself.� I propped myself up on my elbow, looking down at her. I was
feeling pretty energetic, and I wanted her to talk. Talk about anything except this. In my rush to get
her safely to Lienna I hadn�t asked questions and she had not been forthcoming
beyond telling me that she was from Neverwinter.
�� I�m not
really from there.�
�� I blinked,
noticing the bittersweet smile crossing her face. �I�m from a place within
Neverwinter territory, but not the city itself. It� it was called West
Harbor.�
�� It begged
the question. �Was?�
�� The other
woman started her stories, tone halting. I knew she was leaving parts out, but
her tale of her father and West
Harbor was poignant. I
could tell it had meant a great deal to her.
�� Absently
she touched the scar between her breasts, leading down below her ribs. Once, it
had been a bloody mess. Now� it was barely visible. Thankfully I was turned
away from shadow portal, or the area of Shadow Veil Theatre that had housed
that table. The thought of being held down and cut open�
�� I
shuddered.
�� I should
be dead.� It was a quiet statement, said with a note of finality that left me
uneasy. �I- this wound� it was fatal.
The last thing I remember was the entire cavern I was in falling, being torn apart��
�� Her voice
dropped. �Did anyone else survive?� I had to guess her question was rhetorical.
Upon finding her, she had questioned me frequently on signs of others in the
barrow. She and I were the only living souls to continue through in over a
hundred years.
�� It was hard
to understand her drive to find them. Yet I knew she was in pain and I found
myself empathizing with her- especially after� after my mother. She looked
exhausted.
�� I would
like to teach you,� I offered as a distraction. �I have seen in you the drive
that motivates even the best students.�
�� It worked,
because her focus was back on me. �I don�t think I�d make a very good mage,�
she pointed out.
�� All of my
students are taught a way to think, ways to strengthen their focus and will
power. I don�t care what you do, being able to analyze and deduce is a
practical skills.�
�� She was
smiling at me, despite her tired expression, and I realized that I had slipped
into the comfortable role of teacher� in bed. I didn�t know if I should have
been embarrassed or amused.
�� I would
welcome anything you could teach me� just be prepared when I start helping you
on your survival skills.�
�� My face
flushed before I laughed. �Then I know we will both be in for it. But in good
company.�
�� I had
rarely laughed as much, as I had in the past few days. Or felt as comfortable.
�� Safiya��
�� I winced.
She wasn�t going to be deterred. �Yes?�
�� I don�t
usually go jumping into bed with the first attractive woman I meet, you know.�
�� Well,
neither do I,� I answered lightly, but it fell flat anyways. After all, I truly
had been doing the seducing.
�� I wouldn�t
object� if we did this again some time.�
�� Her words
eased something in my chest, letting it loosen, and felt joy wash through me
that came not just from me. The voices, the strange voices were happy that she
was. It was bizarre, but I didn�t want to fight then this time.
�� Have you
slept since we-�
�� No.� Her
voice was faint, sinking into the covers. �Watching you�� I nearly smiled, then
nearly frowned, but kept my composure.
�� I�m fine
for now- go on to sleep.�
�� She nodded,
before closing her eyes. I tugged the blankets up over her body so she could
stay warm- both of us were naked as dryads- before getting up to do my own
inventory.
�� I had
dodged the mage-bolt, but it was only for a time. We would have to discuss what
happened, all of it, and her strange comment about not knowing who had kissed
me back� It would have to wait. At least now I would have time to think, and
prepare, for the more important task of finding out what happened to get her
here�

To be continued.
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As if, I loved her